Disclaimer: I do not own Black Blood Brothers.
Way # Six: Tell him he has a tiny wiener.
Warnings: There is some non-graphic sex.
Thank you for your reviews. I've been saying "enjoy" too much. And I'm going to keep saying it because all the synonyms Microsoft is providing me with sound incredibly pretentious. Enjoy!
Mel walked down the hall towards Zelman's inner sanctuary rubbing her hands together in glee and anticipation. This way would work. It would. It was perfect. Zelman was a vampire, but he was, more importantly, a man, and this was the sure fire way to annoy all men. It was so ingenious that Mel had to fight the urge to laugh maniacally, much like the villains do in the movies. She refrained though. Mel wasn't a villain, after all, just misunderstood, and laughing would give away her position.
Having reached the double doors, Mel raised one hand to knock, her other hand pressed tight against her mouth to suppress giggles.
"Mel-san."
Mel jumped a foot in the air, and while above the ground did a 180 degree turn. Sayuka stood at the end of the hall. Fuck it, where did she come from? Perhaps from one of the hundreds of doors this hall had. In all seriousness, Mel wondered what the point of all these rooms was. While Mel was pondering this, Sayuka approached her.
"Zelman-sama's private sanctuary is off-limits to the staff," said Sayuka, "As I have told you three times before."
"Ah, yes, well… um…" said Mel. She had never been good at coming up with excuses. Shifting anxiously from foot to foot and turning a deep shade of magenta did not help her look less guilty. "Um…"
"Zelman-sama told me about your unorthodox vendetta," said Sayuka, taking her gently by the shoulder, and beginning to lead her away. "I'm afraid I can't let you go in there."
"But," Mel said nervously, glancing over at the door that stood between her and Zelman. She had finally found the perfect way to annoy him, only to be stopped not ten feet from her goal.
"It's for your own good," Sayuka said gently.
Mel slumped, and gazed at Sayuka, utterly dejected. No one understood. This was important; a matter of life and death. The entire world would explode, and their galaxy and their entire universe… all of it would be gone. True, Mel didn't know exactly how that would work. It just would. Mel had decided long ago that her brain made no sense, so she'd stopped trying to decipher it and did what she wanted- needed- to do. Right now, she needed to annoy Zelman Clock.
"Clock-sama doesn't seem to mind," Mel muttered, sadly.
"Zelman-sama just doesn't care," said Sayuka. "Even if he is fond of you…"
"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Mel. What did it matter if Zelman Clock liked her? Mel wasn't here for him to like her. She was here to annoy him. And she would succeed. Mel smiled dreamily, off into space, the image of her standing victorious before Zelman Clock's annoyed self, shining clearly before her eyes.
"Well, it's the reason you aren't dead," said Sayuka, interrupting Mel from her vision. Sheesh, first she stopped her from achieving her goal, and now she wouldn't even let her daydream about. Mel slumped even more, and her horrible posture became even more pronounced.
"It's also the reason you haven't been fired," Sayuka continued. "Benson-san suggested that. I wanted to check you into Ryu General Hospital's psych ward."
Why was it that everywhere she went, everyone wanted to check her into psych-wards? All she did was light things on fire, try to swim across oceans, steal things, and perform death defying stunts. Mel had never hurt anyone. Well, there was that one guy but Mel didn't count him.
"If you've completed your chores, I'm sure Akari-san can find work for you to do in the kitchen," Sayuka added, as they reached the end of the hall. "If you'll excuse me, I have to report to Zelman-sama."
With a parting nod to Mel, Sayuka turned around to trek back down the hall. It then occurred to Mel that as Sayuka was wearing heels, and as Mel wasn't, she could easily over-take her.
So she did.
With a great burst of speed, Mel bolted down the hall past Sayuka, who yelled, and to the double-doors. She didn't have time to knock, so she pushed them open and screamed: "Your dick is tiny."
The room was empty.
Mel's mouth fell open, and she sank to her knees, tears filling her eyes. "But… but… but…"
Sayuka caught up to her, "Oh thank goodness. He's not here…"
"But you were coming to report to him, Shiramine-sama," said Mel, looking up at her as tears rolled down her face.
"Zelman-sama leaves without telling us all the time," said Sayuka. "Now come along…"
"What's going on here?"
Mel's heart leapt, she knew that voice. "Clock-sama," she breathed, leaping up.
"Oh it's you," said Zelman, walking past her. "Sayuka order me some Thai food."
"Right away, Zelman-sama," said Sayuka, nodding obediently.
"Your dick is tiny," said Mel, dreamily.
Zelman paused, and turned back to her, "Come again."
"Your dick is tiny," said Mel, happily.
"Shows how little you know," said Zelman, "Sayuka about my Thai food…"
Sayuka, who had been looking at Mel in utter horror, snapped out of it. "Of course, Sir… Remember, you said it yourself, she's certifiably insane. She doesn't know what she's saying."
"No, I do," Mel protested.
"Shut up," said Sayuka, through her teeth.
"I know," said Zelman, shrugging. He patted Mel on the head, condescendingly. "You're going to have to try harder."
Mel stared at him in disbelief. That hadn't worked… How had that not worked? Well, she was just going to have to kick things up a notch. "Your dick is tiny, and you're horrible in bed."
Sayuka sighed deeply, walking away, "I'll go come up with a cover story for her death."
"Don't forget my Thai food," Zelman called after her.
"Are you annoyed?" Mel asked, hopefully.
"No," said Zelman, coolly. "I'm not sure where you came up with the idea that I'm bad in bed, but I feel the need to set you straight."
"You mean have sex?" Mel asked.
"Correct," said Zelman, stroking her cheek.
"Okay, that sounds fun," said Mel.
Zelman didn't kiss her. He did pick her up, and do her against the wall; such a standard place for sex. Not that Mel minded, in the least. In fact she barely had time to compare the scene to one of her anime's, of course in the anime's Mel watched Zelman would be a girl or Mel would be a boy, before she started thinking either: "Wow…" or "Oh my" or "That feels wonderful" or "He tastes good. Is that strawberry body wash?" and "Holy fuck, he not small."
Mel also screamed her thoughts aloud, or some variation of them. When their tryst was completed, and Mel's oxytocin infused brain cleared somewhat, she found herself on the couch; despite having no recollection of getting there.
Zelman stood behind the couch, leaning over the back, smiling smugly. "Now, what were you saying?"
"Your God's gift to women," said Mel.
"That's what I thought," said Zelman, smugly.
"And men," Mel added.
"That too," said Zelman.
Thank you for reading.