Hello again (she says quietly hiding behind the couch.) Here's the next chapter. Please don't hate me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
The drive back to Castiel's was conducted in silence. Dean knew he had just royally screwed up, he just didn't know how to fix it. Castiel on the other hand had made his mind go blank. If he didn't he knew he would speak and this conversation needed to take place when they both had their full concentration on it.
Dean pulled up outside Castiel's and turned off the engine. He knew the time had come but he still had not found any words to speak.
Castiel looked out the window at his store and his apartment above. His world. The world he had welcomed Dean into with open arms. At that thought he turned to the man beside him and spoke.
"Are you embarrassed by me Dean?" He asked calmly. He wanted answers not a fight.
"What? No Cas how could you think that?" Dean asked shocked by the question. It was not one he had thought to ever hear from Cas.
"What else am I to think Dean? You wouldn't touch me in public, you never introduce me to your friends and your behaviour today was statement enough." Castiel replied, counting of his points on his fingers for added emphasis.
"It's not that Cas. It just… my friends… they don't know…about…us." Dean finally got out knowing it sounded wrong even as he said it.
"Why? If not because I embarrass you then why?" Castiel demanded.
"Cos they don't know." Dean replied getting frustrated and running his hand through his hair.
"Don't know about what Dean?" Castiel asked his voice rising.
"They don't know that I like…" At that Dean just waved his hand towards Castiel making his eyes narrow. He was starting to realise just what Dean was trying to tell him and he didn't like it one little bit.
"You like what Dean?" he spoke with a deadly quite voice, daring Dean to say the words. When the other man stayed silent he reiterated them more forcefully. "That you like what Dean."
"Both sexes okay? Both." Dean exploded at him.
Castiel narrowed his eyes even further at the man next to him. It seemed that while he had spent so much time with him, he didn't even know him at all.
"Say it Dean." He growled and when Dean just looked at him and gulped he shook his head and looked away, disappointment evident in his posture and voice.
"You can't say it can you? You can't say the words I am bisexual." He said with a resigned voice staring out the window at the world that was carrying on while his fell apart. How could people carry on when his heart was breaking?
"Cas..." Dean said in a begging voice, but when he said no more Castiel found that his decision had been made. Turning back to Dean he spoke once more.
"I am sorry Dean. I l- like" (he had almost slipped there and said the other L word) "you, a lot and I thought... I thought we had something special-" Before he could finish Dean interrupted, but not with the words Castiel wanted to, no needed to hear.
"We do."
"No, I thought we had a future, together, but I can't be your dirty little secret for the rest of my life Dean. I have too much self-respect for that." Castiel finished shaking his head to emphasise his point. Maybe his words had been a little harsh but it was how he was feeling at present. With that said Cas put his hand on Deans cheek brushing it softly with his thumb as he had so many times before, before removing it and moving it to the door handle of the car.
"Good-bye Dean." He said with finality.
And with that Cas got out of the car and walked purposely to his door not looking back once at the man he had left in the car. The man he knew had just broken his heart.
Dean sat with his mouth open and watched Cas walk away. He couldn't believe what had just happened, he didn't understand, so he just sat there and watched. Even when Cas had gone into his apartment Dean still sat there watching, hoping against hope that he would return. He didn't. Finally after sitting in the cold car for over an hour Dean gave in and started it. He had no idea where he was going or what he was going to do. So he just drove. And when he found himself outside his brother's house, he didn't even think, he just got out and walked up his path, though when he got to the door he didn't knock or ring he just stood there.
Sam was watching TV with Jess when he heard the distinct sound of the impala outside, getting up he went to the door, but when Dean didn't knock or just walk in he frowned. Something was wrong. With that he pulled open the door to find his brother standing on his doorstep looking pale and more lost than he had ever seen him.
"Dean what's wrong?" he asked urgently, disasters running through his head.
At his voice Dean looked up at him and Sam could see the tears running down his cheeks.
"Cas and me. We're finished." was all Dean said in a small voice before he started chocking on the sobs.
Sam just took his arm and guided him into the house. It was time for him to look after his brother for a change.
Castiel had stood with his back to his door, half of him hoping that Dean would follow him and fight for them, thought the other half told him he was a fool. Dean wasn't ready for what he wanted and he never would be. When he finally heard the sound of the impala drive away he broke. Falling down on to the floor of his apartment, tears streaming from his eyes at all that was and could have been that was now lost to hm. He wanted to call Dean back, tell him he was sorry that he was wrong but he couldn't do that. He had meant every word he had spoken. He was not going to be Deans bit on the side. No matter how it destroyed him. He would be strong. He would survive this. He had managed this far alone he could go forwards that way too. It was just at this moment in time that future now looked so bleak. And now in the comfort of his apartment, all alone he could say the words he had never uttered, though they had run through his head many a time.
"I love you Dean Winchester." He whispered into the silence which was only broken by his sobs from then on.