Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.
The Kobold Necromancer's Warning - Just keep reading, people, and thank you SO much for the reviews! Big reviews are great, but all reviews are cool!
Chapter 2 - Can I See the Landlord?
Most of those who were drenched by the opening ceremony took a few minutes to get dried off and/or changed. Chris Maclean also took this time, which left Chef Hatchet the one who had to find a replacement confessional.
(??? - ???)
Chef Hatchet - \dripping wet\ "I looked all over this stupid stadium, and I didn't want to have another bathroom stall as my confessional! Some of these kids are so dumb or crude, they'd actually use the confessional stall as a stall! So I discovered another disgusting, hidden away place in this stadium, nearby the rooms...
"The Janitor's Closet!"
Daisy - "Um, okay... so far this ROCKS!"
Sebastian - \He looks around the janitor's closet, and then stares deadpan at the camera.\ "So the producers of this show built an entire stadium up from the ground specifically for this show, and they didn't build a confessional room or something like it?"
Geoff - "Never been in a janitor's closet before. Pretty boring, I thought there would be dirty magazines and chips!"
Rodney - \He is leaping up and down, trying to be seen by the camera.\ "Hey! Hey I'm down here! I don't... *leap* know if I'm... *leap* allowed to... *leap* touch the cam... *leap* ...era! Hi... *leap* mom! Hi... *leap* dad!"
Chris Maclean - \completely dry and well-groomed\ "The room arrangements were made by groups of four, which is perfect since there are only eleven rooms. They had to be coed, since twenty-two isn't divisible by four. So we just did this alphabetical, and I think the results will be awesome."
\He cackles.\ "Let's watch the fun, shall we?"
(Room 1 - Alfred, Anita, Arthur, Belinda)
Everyone's luggage had been piled in front of their new rooms. Arthur was the first one there, and he looked into the room. Two bunk-beds, a few desks and a cabinet, and a small table in the middle were all the furniture. He flipped the switch, and noted the fluorescent lights on the ceiling.
"Gonna be a real pain if anyone needs to do something at night, since I doubt anyone brought a lamp," he thought, then dropped his suitcase in front of one of the beds.
"Already calling dibs, Arthur?"
He turned around to see Belinda and Anita enter the room, also looking around. The blond girl's blue eyes were glancing all over the room, while Anita was watching Arthur.
"Meh, I don't care which bed I get, to be honest," he said, "but I'm pretty sure you'd both prefer the guys on one side, girls on the other."
"Yes, and you'd better stay on your side," Anita said, though she was grinning playfully as she spoke.
"We can always keep a taser next to our bed just in case," Belinda casually suggested.
"Gee, real friendly," Arthur remarked, chuckling. "Well, ladies, so long as you aren't hanging up posters of boy bands and kittens up, I'm okay."
"I don't have anything girly like that with me," Belinda said, climbing up on the top bunk to test it out.
"I keep everyone on my phone," Anita admitted, holding up her phone. "I hate myself for it, but I'm really dependent on this thing. Well, I still don't need it for one feature."
"The phone feature?"
"Yep."
The three shared a laugh. Someone knocked at the door, and Anita raised an eyebrow. "Um, come in?"
"Can't, really," Alfred called from the other side. He opened the door and waved at them; the gonzo boy was still dripping wet, a little stream running down the rim of his hat.
"I couldn't find the stupid shower room," he admitted, shrugging. "Or the changing room, or whatever we use around here."
"I'll show you the way, hon," Anita said, smiling politely.
"Groovitude," Alfred replied, grinning.
As the two left, Belinda chuckled. Arthur looked at her questionably, and she replied, "Even if he didn't plan that, that was pretty smooth, huh?"
(Janitor's Closet - No changing done in here.)
Arthur - "Well, I guess my roommates aren't bad. Belinda is rather perceptive, though, that'll be a big threat competition-wise. Alfred... a real weirdo, I don't like him. Anita though, oh ho ho..." \he grins and chuckles\ "She's really hot. I don't want to sound like a pervert so soon into the game, but I hope she wears a nightie at night."
Anita - "Belinda's a sweetheart, and I have to admit, Arthur's rather handsome and Alfred's a cutie-pie. Though I'd still rather have Cody as my roommate." \She giggles and blushes.\ "Yeah, I'm a bit of a fan girl... well, actually, a big fan girl. I got loads of photos of him on my phone."
(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)
Beth and Bridgette were checking their luggage outside of their room. The surfer girl was earnestly checking her surf board, making sure whoever handled it didn't scratch it.
"Why'd you bring that, may I ask?" Beth asked the surfer girl. "I mean, we're nowhere near the ocean."
"Good luck charm," she admitted. "I just think that I should bring my surf board wherever I go, because otherwise," she couldn't help but giggle, "I lose my surfer girl mojo."
Beth laughed and snorted. "Oh, is that a new one? You buy it with your prize money?"
"One of the two, yes, this one's cheaper. My more expensive one is at home, it's incredible to surf on!"
"Did you really spend half of your ten thousand dollars on charity?"
Bridgette nodded, and then was suddenly glomped from behind. "Hiyas, girls," shouted her attacker.
"Oooof," was Bridgette's response as she fell to the ground, pinned down for a few seconds. Beth covered her mouth in astonishment.
"It's so cool that we're roommates," Carol, the attacker, shouted as she rolled off Bridgette. "You can tell me about the farm, and the ocean! Ooo, we can stay up late, swapping womanly stories, and in the morning, I can make waffles!"
"Just don't ever tackle me like that again, please."
Carol nodded, and then noticed Clive walking up. The emo boy saw his luggage outside the room, shrugged, and started to walk away.
"Hey, Clive," Beth called out. "Aren't you going to put your stuff in the room?"
"Oh why bother?" he said back. "I know I'm going to be the first one voted off, might as well save me some time."
The three girls exchanged looks as Clive walked off. Bridgette sighed, and then began to bring Clive's luggage into the room as well as her own.
(Janitor's Closet - Brand-spanking new!)
Bridgette - "There are a couple emo kids at my school. Every time I see them, I just wanna hug them and cheer them up! I feel so sorry for them, life must have been really hard on them! I think if we show Clive some friendliness, he'll be a happier guy eventually."
Clive - "There's no way I'm going to enjoy this contest. Chris just dropped us in a pool, and we're doing our confessions in the janitor's closet. And don't think I'm so 'lucky' because I'm roomed with three girls; not only am I not going to last that long, but I wouldn't have a chance with any of them anyway."
(Room 3 - Cody, Colin, Courtney, Crystal)
Crystal and Courtney were also inspecting their luggage, and making small talk. Crystal's questions about Duncan would have been intrusive, but since Courtney knew the blond girl was a matchmaker, she felt more comfortable talking about it.
"Is it weird that Duncan sneaks over to my house?" Courtney said as she refolded her clothing. "Even though, you know, my parents approve of him now."
"I'm sure he does it just as a thrill," Crystal assured him. "He likes having excitement in the relationship, and I know you do too."
Courtney smiled shyly, then she noticed who was approaching them. "Oh hello, Cody," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral so as not to encourage him too much.
"Hello, ladies," he said, winking playfully. "We're roommates, I guess."
"Indeed we are," Crystal said, smirking at him. "Now behave, or we'll lock you out at night."
"I'll behave," Cody said, standing up straight and proud. "I'll be the perfect gentleman!"
"Good," Courtney remarked, then she couldn't help but smirk. "Looks like one of your major fan girls is in the contest, huh Cody? And you thought you didn't have any."
Cody blushed a little, scratching the back of his head. "You really think that Anita gal likes me?"
"If she doesn't, Eva might," Crystal pointed out.
"Uh, Eva?" Courtney sounded very unsure about this. "I don't know about her and Cody. I mean, she's still way too temperamental."
"It's okay, she's kind of hot when she's mad," Cody said.
"But Cody, you really need to think about how she hasn't..."
The CIT would have continued, but their fourth roommate approached. Colin practically knocked Cody over with his shoulder as he walked over to the room.
"So this is where I'm staying, huh," he remarked, looking at the door, then at the two girls. His lips curled into a wicked grin, and he added, "I hope either of you babes sleeps in the nude, 'cause you both got great asses."
As if to prove this, he smacked Crystal's butt. The British girl cried out, so horrified and astonished that she couldn't react. Colin laughed and walked into the room, calling out, "Don't wait up for me, ladies! Oh, and Cody? Don't come in if you know what's good for you."
Cody and Courtney exchanged repulsed looks. Crystal stood there, one hand protectively over her lower backside.
(Janitor's Closet - He's not very polite, is he?)
Courtney - \She is bright red with anger.\ "How dare that creep! That perverted, evil, disgusting, revolting... gah! I cannot possibly use every word I'm thinking of, I'm just so mad! I'm supposed to sleep in the same room as him?! And poor Crystal, I cannot imagine how violated she feels! Colin is like Duncan without any charm and even less sophistication!"
\She pauses, then sighs.\ "Yes, Duncan has charms. I'll admit it. Don't bother cutting that confession, Chris... though you never did cut any of the ones I demanded you cut anyway..."
Colin - \shrugging\ "Hey, it's all fine. Girls like a bad guy, right? And even if those two chicks don't, well, it's fun to watch 'em squirm. That British chick has the funniest cry when you smack her behind, I gotta remember that."
(Room 4 - Daisy, DJ, Duncan, Eva)
"This is so awesome," Daisy exclaimed after she was done setting her stuff down. "I'm with tough people and fellow athletes! We're gonna get along so cool!"
Duncan looked over at Eva dubiously. "Yeah, um, whatever you say, sister."
DJ was busy putting up pictures of Bunny and his mother up on the the wall. "Yeah, I'm sure things will be all right," he assured the others. "I'd hate to think of how things would be if we didn't get along."
"Yeah, you guys are okay, but don't you dare try anything at night," Eva growled at the two men. DJ whimpered and dove under the sheets of his bed. Duncan flinched slightly, then shrugged.
"All right, way to scare the punks, my sister," Daisy shouted as she raised her hand to signal a high-five, but Eva didn't give it to her. The tomboy shrugged this rejection off, and smiled over at the guys. "So, how did things go? You still with Courtney, Duncan?"
"Of course I am," he said. "Princess really digs me still."
"How about you, DJ?"
"DJ's got himself a girlfriend back home," Duncan explained.
"Oh um, actually," DJ said as he crawled out from under the covers. "She and I have gone our separate ways."
"What? What happened, man?"
"Nothing really happened, to be honest, dude," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. "Alexandra and I just realized that since I'm stuck on this show, and for who knows how long, it's only fair to her that she be free to date other people."
"That sucks, dude," Duncan groaned. "At least, you know, it ended on good terms, right?"
"Oh, yeah, we're still friends!"
As the guys talked, Daisy elbowed Eva and pointed at DJ suggestively. The fitness buff growled and threw her hands up in frustration.
(Janitor's Closet - Single too.)
Duncan - "Sucks that DJ lost a girl, she sounded pretty cool from what he told me last season. This damn show really has put a damper on a lot of peoples' lives. Not mine though, keeps me out of prison, and boy, do I love that!"
Eva - "Ever since TDC, people have been asking me, 'So who do you, like, like?' I'm pretty damn sick of it! I don't want to be dating DJ or Noah or Cody... or... or Cody..."
\She looks at the camera for a few seconds, then lets out a heavy sigh.\ "Oh, whatever."
(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)
"So, how are things with you and Trent?" Geoff asked Gwen as they unpacked.
"It's doing all right," she admitted. "Bit of a long distance, but we're keeping it up. My mother finally got free texting on our phone plan, so that I can communicate with him whenever I want..."
She stopped when she noticed her cell phone light up. Looking at the screen, a faint blush came across her face when Geoff look over to see what it was. "And he just texted me now."
"That's so awesome," the party animal said, clapping. "I call Bridgette all the time, because I'm just not good at texting, you know. Caught way too many times in class. My parents are, like, so pissed about the phone bill."
As the two continued to talk about their relationships, Ezekiel walked into the room. His toque was still a little damp, but at least it wasn't dripping water down his face.
"Hey, Home School," Geoff said, waving at him. "How are things?"
"It's a little too early into the contest to tell, eh," he said, setting his backpack nearby a bed. "Ask me a'geen when I'm cursing the fact that I signed up fur this."
Geoff laughed, but Gwen looked rather humorless. "You still seeing Heather?" she asked, rather dry.
"Um, yes," he said, looking nervous at her deadpan stare. "Look, Gwen, I've bin talking to her, I was hoping you two could get on better terms-"
"No. Way." Geoff and Ezekiel exchanged awkward glances. The prairie boy nervously tapped his fingers together, and added, "Um, well, are you gonna try to vote us off?"
"You, no, not unless you give good reason," she said, "but her, yes."
"Gwen-"
"You're Bridgette's friend, Zeke," she continued, setting her sketch pad next to her bed. "That's right now the only reason I think you're not completely mental."
Ezekiel was confused by this, because he didn't know what exactly she meant by mental. As he thought about this, Hannah entered the room, holding her suitcase in one hand and a Bible in the other.
"Oh hey, church girl," Geoff exclaimed, waving. "You're our fourth roommate? That's cool! We got Home School, Party Cool, Goth Girl, and God's Girl!"
Hannah giggled at this, but the other two looked at Geoff awkwardly. She set her stuff down on the girls' side of the room, and flipped open her Bible.
"Oh good, you brought one, eh," Ezekiel said, looking at her holy book. "I would've brought mine, but I was afraid that it might get damaged among the chaos and such, eh."
"I don't mind you borrowing mine, if you ever need to read a passage," Hannah said with a smile, then looked at the other two. "And you two can too, if you want."
Gwen muttered, "Nah, I'm good."
Geoff scratched his head. "Um, it's got lots of pages and small print..."
(Janitor's Closet - Holy Confessional!)
Gwen - "Yeah, maybe I'm a little snappy, but I just don't like the idea of my new roommates. Geoff is okay, I guess, but Ezekiel is dating Heather! Heather! What is he thinking? And if that religious girl starts trying to convert me, I can see a lot of frustration in my future.
"Then again, it could be worse. I could be with Heather again. Or that bully guy."
Ezekiel - "Hannah seems like a really nice girl, eh. Geoff's nice too, but Gwen... she really is bitter a'boot something, eh? I doo'nt knoo' what to make of her, is she still really mad at Heather?
"Though Heather did read her diary 'oot loud on TV... and rip her skirt off... and made it look like Trent was cheating on her... and made her think Cody back stabbed her..." \He swallows, then looks desperately at the camera.\ "But Heather's changing, she really is! I really wish people could see that, eh!"
(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Howard, Izzy)
"And I don't want one part of your nerdy stuff touching my side, got that?"
"Okay okay okay! Gosh!"
Harold angrily leaned his keyboard on the wall. He glared at Heather, and asked, "What else do you want?"
"Just for you to stay away from me at all times, don't get near my stuff, don't even look at me too long."
Harold seethed, and sat down on his bed, crossing his arms in a huff. His eyes stared at the ground in frustration, then he looked over as Howard came in.
"Oh God, you're my roommate too?" Heather shouted. "Look, you horn dog, you don't talk to me, okay?"
Howard did something that surprised both Heather and Harold: he nodded and walked by her without a second glance. The queen bee blinked, then shrugged away her surprise. "And your stuff doesn't get near my stuff!"
"Yep."
"And don't even look at me, you creepy boy!"
"Sure thing."
Heather gaped, trying to remember if this was same guy who relentlessly flirted with girls at the very beginning. She sighed, then added, "At least you two weirdos don't have that much stuff with you."
Then Izzy burst in, hauling in a very large duffel bag. "Hey guys," she chirped, grinning happily. "I've got a lot of stuff, and I gotta have room to put it all! Now, to find my lucky coin..."
Izzy dug into the duffel bag, and began to throw stuff out: a bottle rocket, fortune cookies, a fake katana blade, a torn and burnt dress, a metal soccer ball, Fuzzy Wuzzum's leash, a horror movie mask, a toy guitar, a nics block, and a jar of macadamia nuts.
"Gosh," Harold declared. "Did you buy all this stuff with your prize money?"
"Naw, this is just stuff I collected. Now I gotta make room for all of it! Heather, I might need to burn some of your stuff to make room."
(Janitor's Closet - A little messy in here too.)
Heather - \She has a disgusted look on her face.\ "So what is it that Ezekiel sees in her? She's demented! And Harold and Howard... especially Howard! He blew me off! Can you believe that? How dare he..."
\She stops and slaps her forehead.\ "Ugh, no. Ezekiel made me promise to try and be nicer... um, well, Izzy does have nice hair. It's amazing she keeps curly hair that controlled... despite her being completely out of control..."
Howard - "Yeah, I don't hit on taken girls. And even if Heather wasn't taken, I've seen enough of her, bleah!" \He fake-gags then laughs.\ "Man, Ezekiel's got his hands full. He's a braver man than I am for dating that hot witch."
(Room 7 - Jasmine, Joel, Justin, Katie)
In room seven, there was a great deal of photos being taped and pinned to the wall. A pattern could be seen, and it was actually a little disturbing.
Jasmine's photos were all mainly of herself, posing and in many different outfits. Only a few of them included someone else, Leshawna in a couple.
Justin's photos were all mainly of himself, posing and usually with his shirt off. Only a few of them included someone else, Beth being that someone else.
Katie's photos were all mainly of Sadie, posing and always in the same outfit. Katie was actually in a few, always with Sadie.
Joel felt more than a bit awkward when he saw the walls practically covered with photos. "Um, guys," he said, holding a small poster tube, "how much more room do you need?"
"I've got a few more of Beth that I'd really like to put up," Justin admitted. "Also, I've got a pinup of myself I think would be okay."
"I know I'd be okay with it," Jasmine cooed, batting her eyes at the male model. "I don't have a pinup of me, but there's the collection of photos of me in Hamlet, and I refuse not to pin those up."
"I've actually got a few blown-up photos of Sadie that are way too good to pass on," Katie said, looking sympathetically at Joel. "Did you need the room?"
Joel sighed and looked at his poster tube, then at the walls. "You really didn't leave enough room for my favorite TV show poster. I guess I'll have to find some place else to hang it up, or I'll have to invent a 'wall-stretcher'."
The other three stared at him in confusion.
(Janitor's Closet - Now with a poster of Mystery Science Theater 3000 hanging up in it.)
Joel - "Wow, I wonder if those three have ever heard of a photo album. But hey, I guess I can live with it, despite all those eyes staring at me from dozens of photos! It's actually... a little unnerving. But I swear by Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell, I won't let them keep me up at night!"
Katie - "We should get Joel a girlfriend, or a BMFF, during this season. That way, he can decorate the wall with his own photos! He's a pretty cool guy, not as cool as Noah, but cool..." \she takes a second to look at the poster\ "... though I've never heard of this TV show before. Sounds kind of weird."
(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)
"Lindsay, you're my girlfriend, and you know I love you, but you are NOT hogging two desks, the table, and three drawers of the cabinet."
"But I really need to make sure my make-up is separate from my other personal belongings, or people might start using them."
"I don't need fake tanner, Lindsay!"
"Neither do I, and what is this crap?"
Mandy was fiddling with the blond's make-up, holding up a tube of gold lipstick. As Lindsay snatched it away, the cultist muttered, "There a reason why you need so many different colored lipsticks?"
"It's style, Panda."
"Mandy," she hissed back. "Anyway, I'm with Leshawna on this, you don't need a second desk. Where else can I put my rat cage?"
"Your what?" Leshawna gaped. "Um, that some kind of cultist slang?"
"No, you silly mortal, my rat cage," Mandy said, then she brought in a fairly large cage that had four large rats inside, three black and one white.
Lindsay and Leshawna, who prided themselves on being mature, strong-willed, breaking-the-norm women who would never fall into typical stereotypes, let out high-pitched screams of terror. The rats panicked in the cage, and Mandy held it close to her to protect them.
"You're not keeping those plague bearers into this room," Leshawna shouted, balancing with Lindsay on a chair.
"I am too, they're my babies," Mandy hollered back. "This one's Death, this one's Famine, this one is War, and the white one is Snowflake."
" 'Snowflake'?" Lindsay repeated, clinging to Leshawna.
"I got him on a snowy day, seemed fitting."
"You ain't gonna have rats in this room, I repeat myself," Leshawna repeated herself.
"Mortal woman, do not tempt me to break out my voodoo dolls," Mandy growled. "If I don't get a desk, I want one of the cabinet drawers!"
"No no no," Lindsay chanted, "I need the third one for my bikinis!"
"You don't need a bikini drawer, we're in a stadium," Leshawna exclaimed.
"I do too, what if there's a modeling competition?"
"You wear little enough, big boobied mortal," Mandy chided her.
"Hey hey, you're not one to talk," Leshawna snapped at the cultist, pointing at her skimpy gray tank top and her aoi cache pants.
"I need temptation to lure stupid males into my cult's clutches! Now let me have a desk, because Snowflake doesn't like the cage being on the ground!"
As the three girls continued to argue, Noah entered the room. He took in about three seconds of the shouting, then turned around and walked out the room.
(Janitor's Closet - No rats in here.)
Noah - "I think I should sleep out in the hallway. Or in here, maybe. Set up a little cot, turn off the camera at night. I don't even mind that poster, that show's okay. I can always invite Katie over, just to make sure Justin doesn't try anything."
Mandy - "I didn't budge an inch on my rats, and eventually they gave me a desk I could keep them on. My rats are my babies, more precious to me than my pendant of demon blood. I have to admit, I once dreamt of sacrificing small animals to the Old Gods, but..." \She cannot help but giggle.\ "Rats are just so darn cute, you know?"
(Room 9 - Owen, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki)
Sadie, like Katie, had pinned a bunch of photos of her BFFFL up on the wall. Sakaki and Owen didn't have much, but photos of their family sparked a conversation.
"So you got siblings too?" Owen asked. His big structure intimidated Sakaki, but she managed to speak because of the manner of the conversation.
"Y-yes, two sisters and a brother," she said. "I'm the third."
"Oh, I'm the youngest of three boys," Owen said, then patted his stomach, "and yet, the biggest."
"Same here, kind of," Sadie told them, joining the conversation. "I'm the youngest of three, but it's two older sisters I got!"
"Hey, Rodney," Owen said, heading over to where the kid was unpacking. "You got family?"
Sadie giggled. "What a question, Owen! Of course he's got family."
"I would hope so," Sakaki giggled, blushing just from speaking up among the others.
Rodney nodded as he placed some textbooks on his desk. "I'm the youngest of five, if that answers your question?"
"It does, it does," Owen chuckled, then looked at the books Rodney was unpacking. He picked one up and said, "Wow, these books are huge! Are they picture books for kids... wait, what's this story about?"
"That's my trigonometry book," Rodney said. "It does have some pictures, but a lot of them are graphs."
"Trigonometry?" Sadie repeated. "Wait, isn't that something seniors study?"
Sakaki was also looking at some of the other books Rodney had brought. "You have the works of Shakespeare? Isn't that a bit much?"
"It's a lot smaller than my complete works of him, but unfortunately, I didn't have enough room for the complete works. Alas, that means I miss out on one of my favorite comedies," Rodney said with a little sigh. "Oh well."
" 'Advanced Physics'?" Sadie read the title of another textbook. "Why do you need an advanced version of physics?"
Owen was looking through some of the smaller books, getting more and more surprised. "Economics, college vocabulary, history of USA and Canada... little dude, why do you have so many educational books?"
"I promised my mom I'd keep up with my studies," Rodney admitted. "If it takes up too much room, I'll keep some of them in my bags and under my bed."
"Wait, aren't you going to be on the top?" Sadie asked him, looking at Owen and then at the top bunk of the boys' side. "Seems a little..."
"No, Owen loves the top bunk, and I told him it was okay."
Owen let out a cheer, and scooped up Sadie, Rodney, and Sakaki in a major hug. "I love you guys! We're going to be awesome roommates!"
And then he farted. The three winced, and he put them down, chuckling nervously. "Sorry. That one kind of slipped out. It usually does when I'm excited..."
He farted again. "Sorry! I'm just so excited to be here in the contest..."
The smell was getting unbearably thick, and the gas was starting to be hard to see through. Rodney put on the goggles of his helmet, and led Sadie and Sakaki towards the door; Sakaki clung to the young boy for safety, her eyes watering.
(Janitor's Closet - Possibly Noah's room.)
Owen - "That prodigy child is something of a genius, you know? I mean, he brought homework with him during a TV contest! I wouldn't bring homework with me, just snacks." \He takes a candy bar out of his pocket and scarfs it down.\ "See?"
Sadie - "I... don't know how to say this without sounding rude, but I don't like the idea of being Owen's roommate. Like, oh my God, I know guys live in dirty rooms and such, but Owen... it's, like, so smelly already in there! Would he be offended if I had a few cans of air freshener in our room?"
(Room 10 - Sandra, Sebastian, Trent, Tyler)
"You boys are never to touch anything of mine, got it?" Sandra said the three guys standing outside of their new room. After they nodded, Sandra snapped her gum at them.
"Good. You try anything, I'll call security, and you and your families will be penniless. Dad's a lawyer, so he take your house right under you."
She grinned, because the thought of swiping someone's house right out from under them was entertaining to her. "Now, I'm going to go arrange my stuff in my room. None of you are allowed in until I'm done."
Sandra walked in and slammed the door behind her. Tyler went for the handle, but she had locked it. He looked back at Trent and Sebastian, both of whom looked quite irked.
"This may actually," Sebastian said as he leaned against a wall, "take quite a while."
"She did have a lot of luggage," Tyler remarked.
"Not only that, but I believe she will deliberately take her time. Just to annoy us further," he said as he tapped the side of his glasses in thought. "She's the type of person who enjoys angering people, from years of finding it enjoyable."
"Man," Trent muttered, rearranging the shoulder strap for his guitar case.
"The one thing we can do to make sure she doesn't get any pleasure from this is act happy when she comes out."
(Janitor's Closet - Not locked.)
Trent - "And thus we chatted, and acted like we were becoming best of friends. Sandra actually looked really upset about that, so Sebastian was right. I'm starting to like that guy, good head on his shoulders, and cool locks too."
Tyler - "The guys I'm rooming with, they're both pretty cool. But Sandra... yuck, it's like a rerun of Heather. With bubbles. And red hair. And a tattoo. She's got a freaking tattoo of bubble gum on her arm, is that messed up or what?"
\He ponders this for a moment, then smirks.\ "If I get a tattoo, I'm getting a metal baseball bat on my arm, because that's how strong it is!" \He flexes.\ "Rrrr!"
(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)
"You two better not be taking up too much room," Zachary grumbled as he started unloading his suitcases. "I don't want either of you to think just because you're white boys, you can take over this room."
Xander rolled his eyes and gave this little thought. Yoshi growled and muttered, "I'm asian, for crying out loud."
"Whatever, white boy," Zachary muttered. Yoshi's eye was starting to twitch, and he grabbed the table for some kind of comfort.
"Look guys, there's absolutely no reason we cannot get along, at least for the first day," Xander said as he hung up a poster of a motorcycle (with a girl barely wearing anything leaning against it).
"You gonna hang up posters like that, I think we can," Zachary said with a grin. His eyes glanced Yoshi's scabbard, and he added, "Oh, and no swords."
"I am not parting with my sword," Yoshi said, narrowing his eyes at his roommate.
"You ain't gonna keep that giant butter knife in my room, white boy."
"You ain't gonna tell me what to do," he replied, using Zachary's tone of voice back at him, "and so the sword stays with me, black boy."
Zachary's eyes widened. "Was that a racist statement You a racist?"
"Hey guys, come on," Xander shouted, throwing his hands up. "This is looking more and more like a bar fight waiting to happen."
"Don't call me racist, you're the one calling me 'white boy'," Yoshi shouted at Zachary, ignoring Xander.
"You is a racist, white boy!"
"We're all the same race, human," Xander tried to say, but Yoshi and Zachary began shoving each other. Then Yoshi started to throttle him, shouting things in Japanese that are best suited not translated.
Xander had to pull Yoshi off and keep him in a nelson lock. The warrior and the whiner continued to shout at each other, until someone entered their room unannounced.
"Oh joy," Valerie grumbled. "You three are already fighting? This is not going to fun at all."
(Janitor's Closet - Where venting after fighting happens.)
Valerie - "Great. Just great. I'm stuck in a room with three guys. Can you believe my luck?"
\She frowns bitterly at the camera for a few seconds, then the idea sinks in. Her eyes widen, then she grins.\ "Stuck in a room with three guys... and no cameras in the room! Oh wow, this is a dream come true! Oh, I hope that biker boy doesn't have a girl back home, he's so fine!"
Zachary - "So racist sword boy thinks he can push me around? Well then, it's ON! It's so on, it's like... like, um... that... it's on like... um, well, it's ON, that's what it is! It's so on!"
(Stadium)
The forty-four contestants were all shocked when they walked back into the stadium. The whole place had changed, as if they had entered a new stadium. Pools of water scattered about, steel cages, a quiz show stage, and a race track were adorned around the stadium floor. The only thing the same about it was the large platform, which Chris was currently standing on.
"The Maclean Stadium has many compartments underground, trapdoors opening up to expand our challenge possibilities," he explained after all forty-four were on the platform. "Later in the show, we'll be using the virtual reality machine, which will take you places that you people are really gonna love or hate."
"Nerds and Izzy by love, sane people by hate," Heather grumbled to herself.
Ezekiel gave her a nudge with his elbow, and she frowned at him. "You doo'nt knoo', it might be great," he whispered to her. "After all, you cannot get really hurt in a virtual reality game, eh."
"How do you know that?"
"I read up on it. It's really fascinating, and I think you might like it, depending on the challenges."
"Well, he'll probably leave us in the jungle or a war zone." She scoffed and looked away. "I cannot wait for that."
"If either happens, I'll be there to help you, eh," he said. Ezekiel slid his arm around her back and pulled her close to her. She resisted slightly at first, then gave.
"You know I don't like cuddling in front of the others," she whispered as she leaned against his shoulders. "Gwen and Leshawna might try to break us up in revenge."
"No, they woo'nt. I woo'nt let them, and you can trust me, ba-"
"HEY YOU TWO!"
Heather and Ezekiel jumped, and she clung to him in her startle. Chris was glaring at the two, and he snapped, "Are you two paying any attention to the challenge at all? You're not listening, too busy making eyes and cuddling!"
The stadium audience laughed, as did several of the contestants. Heather sighed, embarrassed, but Ezekiel was rather confused. "Um, pay attention to what, eh?" he asked. "You didn't say anything after you mentioned the virtual reality simulator."
"That's right, man," Xander agreed. "And besides, not as bad as those two."
He jerked his thumb at Bridgette and Geoff, who were making out. Chris tapped his foot, then cleared his throat loudly.
"Okay people, time for your first challenge! I call it, The Battle of the Schools! Because the two teams should be obvious: Old School verses New School!"
The crowd went wild, it was what most of them wanted. The contestants looked at each other, then at their new opponents.
"Yes, in case that isn't descriptive enough for you, it's the new contestants verses the old contestants," Chris continued. "This'll be a huge challenge, with multiple parts. First off will be one-on-one, or possibly more, and we'll see once and for all...
"Who is the most crazy, who is the most wild, and who is the strongest? In the Battle of the Schools, we'll see who deserves to be here: the rookies or the experts?"
(Janitor's Closet - Vs. Confessional Can maybe?)
Harold - "I've seen a lot of the new contestants, and after a calculated estimation, even considering my skills as well as the others, I have come to the conclusion that... we're kind of screwed."
Carol - "I watched the show, and I've seen some of these new people. Even though some of them are kind of awesome, we are gonna be whipped, spanked, and tossed in the bin. It's gonna hurt, people, it's really gonna hurt."
"Okay, I think the first competition should be obvious," Chris said as Chef Hatchet hauled a table onto the platform.
"You, Canadian pride," he shouted, pointing at Owen, "and you, American pride," he said as he pointed to Alfred.
The two boys looked down at the respected, national symbols on their shirts, then grinned. Exchanging glances, the two shoot hands good-naturedly.
"So what's the challenge, Chris my man?" they shouted at the same time.
"Whoa, it's like they cloned Owen, slimmed him down, and raised him in another nation," Duncan whispered to Courtney, who couldn't help but giggle.
"We've got a couple four-liter bottles of soda here," Chris said, as Chef put those awfully large bottles down. "We're going to have a chug-a-thon to see which of you two is really the most daring!
"Keep chugging until of you spits out or stops chugging. Doesn't matter if you puke, pee, belch, or cry your eyes out afterwards, the goal is to beat the other!"
"You call this a challenge?" Tyler exclaimed with a laugh. "This is what Owen does in his free time!"
"Owen's gonna ace this, you rookies are so going down," Geoff declared.
Alfred was grinning wickedly at Owen, wiggling his fingers. The big guy was cracking his knuckles, his wrists, his neck, and his jaw; Alfred wasn't really sure how to crack his jaw, but it looked wicked.
"Okay, gentlemen, ready?" Chris asked them.
Alfred and Owen, with earnest grins on their faces, growled in reply. Their hands were on the table, ready to grab those rather tall bottles.
"Ready... steady... and... CHUG!"
Owen and Alfred grabbed their four-liter bottles, and started to chug hard. The two teams were cheering and rooting, chanting, "Go go go," or their teammate's name.
It took about a minute, both of the boys' eyes watering and groaning hard as they swallowed. Coming down to the last few swallows, it was awfully close. Looking way too close to call, the two muttered a couple words to each other.
"Mmr mmrghy mmmg, 'mug mmy mnn mggnng mnnth mmy mmas mmyr," Owen shouted. [1]
"Mmmh? Mmml, mmy mms moo mmrnk mmm mh mrrmen mmss," Alfred replied. [2]
Despite the taunting, the two managed to finish and slammed their liter bottles down; however, there was a slight time difference in who planted his first.
"Our winner is...," Chris shouted, "Alfred!"
"Oh ho ho wow," Alfred slurred, collapsing on his knees. "That was so totally awesome."
"Fellow chugger, I salute you," Owen said, and then did salute you.
The rookies were all cheering loudly, while the veterans looked demoralized. If Owen couldn't win a competition involving food, what could they do?
Owen laughed and licked the top of his soda liter, looking happy despite having lost. His stomach gurgled, and he clutched it. "Uh-oh," he muttered, "this might be a big one."
"Oh dear," Alfred squeaked, then dove under the table.
Owen let loose a belch that blew the empty bottles away, almost knocked the lighter contestants off their feet, could be felt by the stadium audience, and heard in the neighboring provinces.
And of course, the guys in the audience (and some of the gals) went wild with applause.
Owen waved to the clapping audience, as Alfred stood up. "Whoa, good one, dude," the American gonzo said.
"Thanks, dude! You got one coming?"
"I think I do! I got..."
His belly gurgled, and Alfred let a sick hiccup. Repeating, "Oh dear," he ran for the side of the platform, fell to his knees, and puked hard.
"Oh man, the first puking happened way sooner than I thought it would," Chris said. He grinned at Chef. "And you're cleaning it up, mister."
As Hatchet snarled at the host, Owen was patting Alfred on the back. "Hey dude, it's actually pretty cool you heaved."
"Oh yeah? *cough, hack* How so, dude?"
"Because anyone who's anyone on Total Drama pukes at least once! Welcome to the show!"
He lifted the smaller guy up in a loving hug. Alfred was startled at first, then he cheered and pumped his fists in the air.
(Janitor's Closet - Plenty of sawdust here.)
Alfred - "I think I'm gonna like this show! Woohoo!"
Sandra - \rolls her eyes and snaps her gum\ "What an American idiot."
(New School - 1, Old School - 0.)
Yoshi and Eva were next. The fitness buff was punching her palm repeatedly, and the warrior was staring her down with a fierce look. Most people were way too scared to say anything, lest the contained wrath shoot out and hit them.
Chris wasn't one of those people. "Okay, tough guy and gal! It's time we see which of you can really fight! Eva, Yoshi, you two are going to arm wrestle! Now I assume you're both right-handed?"
"Yes," said Eva.
"No," said Yoshi.
"What what what?" Chris stammered, gawking at him.
"It matters not, my right hand is just as good at such things," he said, his gaze never leaving Eva. "I can win this."
"Your confidence is rather... refreshing," Eva growled, a smirk starting to form on her face.
"Whatever, you left-handed freaks are always so strange," Chris said, shrugging and walking away.
"だけに、小さな男待つ、私はあなたの靴ひもを結ぶよ," Yoshi snapped at him. [3]
Ezekiel, Anita, and Sakaki gasped. "Oh, he's really mad, eh," Ezekiel whispered to Heather.
"I hope he doesn't snap Eva's wrist, he's angry now," Anita said to Belinda. Sakaki merely whimpered.
Eva and Yoshi sat down in front of a barrel, and clasped hands. "Ready?" Chris shouted. "Then... GO!"
There was no movement at first, just Eva and Yoshi shaking slightly. Sweat began to form on their foreheads, and they ground their teeth.
Slowly, hardly noticeable, the arm wrestled tilted in Eva's favor. Yoshi snarled and struggled more, but the tilt was all Eva needed. After a half minute of struggling, she planted his wrist down on the barrel top.
"Eva wins," Chris shouted over the cheers, "like there was any doubt!"
"私はどうしても、嫌いなあなたの車を壊すとあられ石したい," Yoshi muttered as he massaged his wrist. [4]
Eva pumped her fists into the air at her teammates, and was almost knocked over by a glomping Izzy, then Bridgette hugged her muscular friend.
(Janitor's Closet - What the heck was Yoshi saying?)
Izzy - "Eva's my type of gal. I believe if I was born as a guy, I'd be all over her like ketchup on my breakfast! Then again, if I was born as a guy, I'd be called Rizzo. Rizzo and Eva, not bad!"
Jasmine - "Oh, the horrors! Our warrior is down, defeated by that beast of a woman! Whatever shall become of us?! We need a hero!"
(New School - 1, Old School - 1.)
The contestants were all gathered around a large, steel bar cage. Inside, sitting in the corners, were Duncan and Colin. Both were bare-chested, and wearing boxing gloves.
"Okay honey, you know what you're gonna do, right?" Courtney said. "Remember, you just need to knock him down for five seconds, but don't be a hero!"
"Can I be Mick and cut you, if need be?" Izzy asked Duncan.
"Girls girls, I'll be just fine," Duncan exclaimed, patting his gloved hands together. "I've seen more intimidating creatures on the street, and some of them had four legs."
"I've seen more intimidating fourth-graders," Colin was telling his teammates, "and I'm sure he's going to scream louder when I hit him."
"How wonderful," Daisy grumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Look dude, just knock him down for five seconds," Arthur instructed the bully. "You don't need to beat him to a-"
"I can do both, Chef said it'd be great TV," Colin said, grinning wickedly. "I'd love to see Courtney try to make out with him when his face is one big bruise."
"See if you can pull on his mohawk, make him mad," Zachary suggested, "show that white boy's who's the real master of the cage match!"
"I live for this kind of violence!"
"Okay then! Duncan, Colin," Chris, also standing outside the cage, "we aren't opening this cage until one of you goes down for five seconds. You can punch all you want, keep it clean, please."
"Like hell," Colin whispered.
Duncan cackled as he stood up. Colin also got to his feet, and the two slowly advanced on each other.
"Get ready to rumble," Chris called out, "and... GO!"
POW! BIFF! SMACK! WHAM! ZOCK! SMASH! BANG! BAM!
"Oh, the horrors!"
"It's too terrible to watch, and yet I cannot look away!"
"Yay, hooray!"
SMACKEROO! RONK! SLAM! TIFF! SPLAT! BONK! WHAM-O!
"Stop stop, enough! He's had enough! You animal!"
"Oh God, he's a mess! We're gonna need a lot of band-aids!"
"I feel woozy..."
"Man, I've seen pictures of those mutilated by the Old Gods and their minions, but nothing compares to that!"
"I," Chris muttered, "think we know who's won."
Duncan stood over a very banged-up Colin. He had his foot triumphantly on Colin's chest, and the bully was whimpering.
"That was fun," he said, wiping his mouth. "But next time, I want more of a challenge, like maybe that little asian chick."
"Yay, hooray! Way to go, Duncan! Bloody good show! I love you, I love you!"
Crystal's teammates were staring at her oddly, and she realized that after a few seconds. "If you all knew what that wanker did to me earlier, you'd all be cheering too!"
(Janitor's Closet - Need a mop for the blood?)
\It's impossible to see who it is at first, because the room is empty, then Sakaki finally comes up and waves nervously at the camera.\
Sakaki - "Um, hi. Well, I don't think I want to be locked in the same cage or room as Duncan." \She whimpers.\ "That's all I have to say, bye!" \She bolts.\
Crystal - "Sure, I am a very romantic person and I think about it all the time. Like say, I think Yoshi and Eva might be cute together, and did you see how worried Courtney looked for Duncan?"
\She swoons and bats her eyes.\ "Every girl's dream, to see their man beat a guy to a bloody pulp for her. He won't be bothering Courtney in our room, that's bloody well certain!"
(New School - 1, Old School - 2.)
"Gwen, Belinda, you two have the eyes of someone who could stare at something for hours on end," Chris said to the two girls. "So trust me when I say we have to start your staring contest now. Chef will be watching you to see if either of you looks away."
"A staring contest," Gwen repeated as she stood in position. "This is the lamest idea I've ever heard come out of your head, Chris."
"You should know about the other ideas he had for us," Belinda said, raising an eyebrow. "Heard one of them was a kissing contest."
Gwen's eyes widened, and she almost closed them. She couldn't help but grin. "If that was a trick, you're good."
"I try, I try."
"Yeah, you go, Belinda," Howard was shouting, leaping up and down. "Stare the heck out of that girl Though Gwen, you're hot too, but Belinda, you rock!"
(Janitor's Closet - We rock too, don't we?)
Belinda - \smiling matter-of-factly at the camera\ "He'll be all over me until I show interest in another boy, or if another girl shows interest in him. Methinks it'll be the former, or, of course, there is the chance I could fall for him." \She laughs.\
The two girls continued to stare at each other, and the host walked away.
"Okay then, the rest of you," he exclaimed. "We need Justin, Lindsay, Xander, and Anita to all stand over here in front of these big, intimidating machines that look like snow blowers."
The four stood in front of the big, intimidating machines that looked liked snow blowers. "So," Justin was the first to speak up, "why are we standing in front of these big, intimidating machines that look like snow blowers?"
"There is a good reason for that," Chris said, grinning wickedly as he approached console nearby the machines. "And the reason for you standing in front of these big-"
"Get on with it, old man," Xander muttered. The other three laughed when Chris visibly flinched.
"Hey, I'm in my late twenties, dude," Chris retorted. "Anyway, you four are known for being ridiculously good-looking."
Justin nodded and looked in a hand mirror, grinning at his reflection. Lindsay nodded, and quickly reapplied her golden lipstick. Xander chuckled and brushed a bang away from his face. Anita sighed and crossed her arms.
"That's not the stereotype I wanted to be for this contest," she started, but Chris cut her off.
"And as a fellow beautiful person, I know how much you'd hate to have your name dragged through the mud, just because people hate you for being beautiful."
Lindsay nodded wistfully. Justin and Xander exchanged a look and chuckled over the thought. Anita rolled her eyes, then she suddenly looked like an idea struck her. She turned away from the machines, and waved at the crowd.
"And so, it's only fair we just give you some practice with said mud," Chris finished his statement, and mud began to shoot from the big, intimidating machines that looked a lot like snow blowers.
One of the four let out a high-pitched shriek, but it wasn't the girls. Lindsay shielded her face, Anita ground her teeth as the mud pelted her back, and Xander actually started running towards the mud shots.
"Yeah, you think this is heavy?" Xander shouted. "Try the unofficial race track in my home town, we've got mud on a warm day!"
The machines stopped after a minute more of shooting mud. Justin looked unrecognizable, and very unhappy. Lindsay was wailing, complaining brown mud clashed with her blond hair. Xander was dripping mud and grinning like a madman.
Anita turned around, almost completely clean down her front. Mud caked around her sides, and her semi-cleanness annoyed Chris. He flipped the switch and another blast of mud hit her in the face.
"Yuck, what a poor sport," she groaned as she wiped the mud away from her eyes.
"You still look hot," Xander assured her, clicking his tongue.
She smiled at him, and shrugged. "Oh, I'm actually used to it. I used to go down to the race track in our town, was a flag girl for a few months. It was fun, and motorcycle races are actually quite fun to watch."
(Janitor's Closet - Need a rag for the mud?)
Xander - \with a wide grin\ "Sa-aaaaaaay, I like this Anita girl!"
Cody - "That Anita girl said she was a fan of mine... I just wish we were on the same team this time around... least with Gwen and Beth, I was on their team! ... Though I did lose both of them. Hmmm... maybe this'll work out better! Like Harold and Leshawna, and Tyler and Lindsay..."
"Well, Xander and Anita, you two look much better when drenched in mud," Chris observed, "so that means you two win! Sorry, Lindsay and Justin."
Justin was still wiping mud off of his face, and he wasn't very successful until Beth came with a whole bunch of rags. He began to clean himself, then he gave her a little kiss of appreciation. The one kiss escalated to many, Beth popping her little foot and getting completely smeared with mud too.
"Eww," Lindsay commented on her friend's actions.
"What?" Beth asked, looking at Lindsay for a couple seconds. "I grew up with pigs, I love mud!"
The two continued to make out. Anita, hoping to catch Cody's eye, looked around for him, but he was too distracted helping Tyler get rags for Lindsay. She sighed in defeat, but Xander patted her shoulder.
"You got your eye on Cody, huh? Well, you'll get his attention another time, babe."
"I look like I'm getting a spa treatment right now."
"And still, like I said before, quite hot. Mud's drying on your face, 'cuz you're that hot."
She couldn't help but laugh, and slugged his shoulder playfully. On the side, Howard was making notes.
Chris watched all this, and then turned to the camera. "We might have to clean up, because TV won't let the beautiful people look bad. Makes bad TV for only the ugly people here to be the stars."
An four-liter bottle of soda was thrown from off-screen, hitting the host in the head and knocking him down before it cut to commercial.
(Janitor's Closet - Are we hot? We're just a closet.)
Leshawna - \with a not-so-innocent grin on her face\ "I like throwing things at Chris. Can ya blame me?"
Hannah - "Rather interesting challenges so far. But... kind of tame, as far as Chris goes. Oh wait, I shouldn't jinx it, I don't want them to get too rough."
DJ - "Oh, I just want to say this before I forget... HI, MOM!"
Lindsay - \still stained with mud\ "Aww, this is so awful! I look like one of the football players on a rainy day! Mud is terrible, it doesn't do any good, why do we need mud?"
Beth and Justin - \They are both covered in mud and still making out.\
...
...
...
So, how will the competition between new and old go? Which side will win?
When one team wins, will Chris have anything else in surprise for the losers?
And is Anita going to get Cody's attention? How will Eva react?
[1] - Owen to Alfred during the chugging contest, "You're going down, 'cuz I was chugging when I was four!"
[2] - Alfred to Owen in response, "Yeah? Well, I used to drink from the garden hose!"
[3] - Yoshi's first Japanese statement to Chris Maclean, "Just you wait, little man, I'll tie your shoelaces together."
[4] - Yoshi's second Japanese statement to Chris, "I fervently hate you, and want hail stones to ruin your car."
Next Up: More of the first challenge!