"Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies."
~Arcade Fire, "Rebellion (Lies)"
Chapter 6: Walls
The world was swallowing itself whole.
The screams of the people echoed in the crimson sky.
The trees trembled and fell at the feet of mountains.
The earth split itself apart, swallowing the seas, spewing fire, eradicating any evidence that its surface had ever sustained life at all.
All was lost.
So, utterly lost.
And then, they appeared in the West.
Their silhouettes towering against the sky of death.
Marching...
Marching...
From separate ends of Survey Corps headquarters, two pieces of the puzzle shot straight up in their beds, their foreheads bathed in sweat, the horrifying vision still dancing across the darkness of reality.
The clouds hung heavily in the sky long after the rain had gone, choking out the rising sun the next morning.
Mikasa woke, the gray-tinged room feeling as though it were already sometime in the mid-evening, though the silence of the castle let her know that it was still early. She rose slowly, rubbing her temples, a headache having set in overnight. She figured it must be a combination of a lack of food and lack of sleep. Her night had been restless, plagued with vague and terrifying nightmares that she couldn't explain. Something about them felt very strange, yet for the life of her she could not figure out why…
In the end, she decided to just write it all off as nerves for the time being. She'd avoided the dining hall last night, not quite ready to face her new teammates yet, but she knew she couldn't go on this way. Hunger was starting to eat away at her insides again. She'd have to face them all eventually: those same faces, judging, appraising, speculating. The thought made her insides squirm.
Mikasa swung her legs out from under the sheets and stood on the stone floor, figuring she should start preparing now for the onslaught.
When she'd arrived back in her room the previous night, dripping wet and shivering, she'd found a new jacket and cape awaiting her, both adorned with what she now knew were the Wings of Freedom. The jacket was identical to the ones the rest of the squad always wore, and the cape was the same as the one Eren had worn on her first day out of hell. Now, she pulled on the jacket over the clothes she'd been given on day one, marveling at its perfect fit. Somehow, being in uniform made facing everyone else feel a little more manageable. She was dressed for battle now, after all.
Mikasa took a moment in front of the mirror before leaving to appraise her new appearance now that she was an official member of the Survey Corps. Something within her had changed the night before, and she could feel it simultaneously lifting her chin yet weighing heavily on her heart, enclosing it in a wall of stone. Her new hair hung sharply at her neck, accentuating her set jawline, but she found she rather liked it that way. There were no reminders left now.
The others might know now, might hold it over her head forever, but she refused to do the same to herself. Downright refused.
She closed her bedroom door, Eren's scarf still left hanging on a hook in her closet.
Mikasa managed to remain calm all the way down to breakfast, but felt her heart speed up just as she was about to enter the dining hall. Before she could be overtaken by panic, she forced herself to take the last few steps inside.
The talk around the big table at the center of the room faltered as people noticed her enter. Time seemed to slow down as most turned to look at her, and much to Mikasa's frustration, Eren's eyes were the first she found. She tore her gaze from him quickly with a jolt to the pit of her stomach, not wanting to see anything there, not ready to face what had been broken.
Time seemed to slow down as she registered everyone else's faces: Armin with his big blue eyes a mass of pity and sorrow, Sasha with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly agape. Jean with his brow furrowed and his mouth set in a thin line. However, no one moved, and Mikasa realized she'd been standing there for a long time in silence, awkwardness beginning to take hold in the absence of sound. Finally, Captain Levi broke the tension.
"Good morning Ms. Ackerman. Have a seat. And again, welcome officially to the squad."
Next to him, Commander Erwin and Hange nodded their approval. They didn't seem perturbed by the events that had occurred after her evaluation the day before. Mikasa nodded in their direction thankfully. "Thank you, sir."
"Mikasa! There's a spot over here next to me!" Sasha called over cheerfully, apparently also eager to rid the room of tension.
"Thanks Sasha," Mikasa murmured, moving swiftly to take the empty seat. She could feel Eren's eyes following her every step of the way but determinedly avoided them, relieved that Sasha was sitting on the opposite end of the table from him. But it was then, as she stubbornly refused to return Eren's gaze, that Mikasa found herself locked in Reiner's austere stare instead. Her insides turned to ice almost instantly, an uncomfortable prickling sensation stinging at the back of her neck, her lungs forgetting to work. Her mind drew a complete blank, at a loss for what she should do or what she even wanted to do. She just stood there dumbly, staring, not daring to break eye contact, not sure if she was even able.
It was Reiner who shattered the stillness.
He stood up straight, his expression never changing, his eyes never leaving Mikasa's, and snapped to a salute.
"Ackerman! I apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was out of line. I had no business to be opening my mouth the way I did. Welcome to the Corps."
Mikasa blinked at him, now dumbstruck for a completely new reason. For a fleeting moment, she wanted to smile in relief, to reach out and shake his hand, accept the peace. But she bristled again, feeling the warning bell clang in her mind and the newly set stone tighten around her heart.
A soft, unkind smirk toyed at the corners of Reiner's mouth. Probably unnoticeable to anyone else in the room, but Mikasa saw. This wasn't a true apology, it was just him cleaning up his mess and trying to make sure he remained on good terms with the rest of his comrades. Maybe the Captain or the Commander had even put him up to it. However, at this point, there was really only one way to react, and she knew it.
She slowly inclined her head to him in a slow nod, keeping her expression as neutral as possible.
"Thank you, Reiner. I appreciate your apology. I hope from now on we can work together successfully as teammates."
She knew her voice sounded dead, but she didn't care. To the others, the fact that she said the words aloud was all that mattered. The room seemed to relax as she sat down to join Sasha, everyone resuming eating and conversing. Mikasa ate, but did not join in, even when Sasha tried to ask her opinion on something or another.
Everyone was finishing up and starting to file out of the hall when Captain Levi stopped Mikasa at the door.
"Ackerman, please come with me. There are some important things I need to discuss with you."
Levi didn't say anything else as he led Mikasa outside, past the training area and back towards the forests again. In the meantime, Mikasa tried to stop herself from casting confused sidelong glances at him as she racked her brains, trying to figure out what he could possibly have to discuss with her.
Perhaps it had to do with the incident yesterday, although it seemed like the events at breakfast should have concluded that. Perhaps now that she'd officially joined, she was about to be let in on some kind of secret knowledge, the kind of thing everyone else seemed to be backing away from telling her whenever they got close. Perhaps he was going to tell her he'd changed his mind, and that it wasn't a good idea for her to stay after all…
Just as she thought she was about to drive herself crazy from the thoughts stumbling over each other as they raced across her mind, Levi finally spoke.
"I'm sorry about the incident with Reiner yesterday. I'm afraid it might have been my fault."
Mikasa did look over at him now, unable to hide her astonishment.
"Your fault…?"
"I took it upon myself to enlighten the Commander about your situation before he evaluated you. There are some important details regarding your parentage that I wanted to talk about with him before we decided the best way to proceed with you. We appeared to be alone at the time, but I suppose there is a chance that Braun might have overheard us."
For the second time that morning, Mikasa found herself at a loss. A whole new mess of questions began tumbling through her brain, each seeming just as urgent as the next, paralyzing her ability to decide which to ask first.
"I don't… Why did you-? My parentage? Proceed with me?"
Thus was the embarrassingly jumbled string of half-formed thoughts that fell from her mouth.
"I understand that I informed you that your story would remain top secret when you agreed to share it with me, and for that I have no excuse. Honestly, I just forgot that I'd need to talk to the Commander about it."
"Why did you need to tell him?"
Slowly, Mikasa's thoughts were beginning to even out again, and as they did she was finding she had to force an effort to remain calm.
"It was relevant to where you've been all this time. It's not every day another Ackerman just pops out of the woodwork."
"Another Ackerman?"
"What do you know about your family, Mikasa?"
"Just… we mostly kept to ourselves in the hills. My parents didn't tell me much that I remember. Recently it started coming back to me in bits and pieces, but it's hard to make sense of it all."
It was true that the dreams had been very confusing, but she also wanted to avoid having to tell Levi too many details about them. Instinct told her that her parents had intended those words for her ears alone.
"I see. So they never mentioned to you that the Ackerman family were historically the official protectors of the royal family?"
Mikasa's mouth opened and closed dumbly like a fish out of water for a few seconds.
"Um… no?" she stuttered finally.
"Don't get too excited. That hasn't been the case for a very long time, but that's the history. They had a falling out with the throne and the family name became disgraced. The Ackermans have tried to live inconspicuously in the shadows ever since."
"So… there are still more? I still have family alive?"
Levi shrugged. "There aren't many… but there's one I know of for sure."
He slowed to a halt on the path now, and Mikasa followed suit.
"Who?"
"Me."
Silence.
"You?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
And that 'oh' was about the extent of what Mikasa could manage at the moment.
"What was your father's name, Mikasa?"
It fell from her lips in hushed tones; unspoken for many years. It was sunny gardens and cozy winter nights by the fire. It was the smell of forest herbs mixed with smoked pheasant. It was home.
But to Levi, the syllables were empty. He let out the smallest of sighs and, unless Mikasa was much mistaken, she was almost sure she saw a trace of disappointment in his slumped shoulders. He turned away from her, cursing under his breath at the ground.
"Dumbass old man. Why couldn't you have said more?"
"Who?"
"No one. Just someone who's dead now."
"Oh."
Mikasa was becoming acutely aware of how little intelligence she was contributing to this conversation, and tried to sift through the whirlpool in her mind for something else to say.
"So… so my father was no one you knew?"
"No."
"So… you have no idea how we're related."
"No. I'm sorry. I really thought we could be onto something. But as usual, I come up one goddamn piece of information too short."
"You act like there's some bigger mystery at work here. You all do. What exactly is going on?"
"I wish I knew."
The non-answer finally struck a nerve.
"No, don't give me that. You know more than you're telling me. I'm part of the Survey Corps now, why can't I know more? How am I supposed to help if I only have half the information everybody else has?"
Levi suddenly looked very tired, even more so than usual.
"You're still new, Ackerman. You're a good fighter, and we're happy to have you along, but I need to pick and choose whom I tell what, and when. I think there's a traitor in our midst. And obviously it's not you, but I can't have anybody holding too many cards at once. Too much of a risk. It's nothing personal. You understand, right?"
"Hold on, a traitor? Who?"
"If I knew that, don't you think they'd be gone by now?"
Mikasa continued to glare at him but could think of no retort.
"I'm sorry I can't give you any more information at the time. But if you wouldn't mind not telling the others about our shared name, I'd appreciate it. Save for Commander Erwin, they don't know my family history."
Mikasa snorted derisively, to which Levi flashed her a severe look.
"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret," she said. "Just… it's kind of ironic, don't you think?"
If Levi agreed, he didn't answer. It seemed he was finished with the conversation. He began to walk away, only to be stopped after a few steps by Mikasa's voice.
"Just… tell me one thing, please. What exactly does the Survey Corps fight for, Captain?"
Levi shrugged again. "Freedom. I thought Jaeger would have told you that."
He turned away again, truly concluding the conversation this time, leaving Mikasa alone to process everything she'd just learned, or hadn't learned.
Annie managed to wait until they had managed to get away from the others in the early hours of the morning again before she unleashed her full fury on Reiner.
"What the hell was that?" she growled finally, rounding on him. "You are going to blow this for all of us!"
Reiner growled right back at her. "I was hoping she'd get kicked off the squad."
"And how was that supposed to help us?"
"Having her here is dangerous. I've been trying to tell you guys, when I overheard the Captain tell the Commander about her past, he also mentioned her family name. She's an Ackerman."
His words were met with raised eyebrows from both Annie and Bertholdt.
"Haven't heard that name in awhile," Annie muttered finally.
"I know."
"She doesn't seem to remember anything about them though. Did you hear the Captain say anything else?"
"No. They were getting too far away to hear by then."
"Okay," Annie leaned back against a tree, constructing various scenarios and procedures in her head. "Here's what we do. You need to apologize."
"Why?"
"They're not going to kick her out if they didn't already. We can't afford to make enemies of anyone here. We've worked too hard for too long to gain their trust."
"Exactly," Bertholdt put in. "They all consider us friends. Don't you think they'd side with us over some new girl?"
"Jaeger wouldn't."
"Are you sure about that? He came back to the castle alone last night."
"Did he?" Annie fell silent again as Reiner and Bertholdt watched her closely, awaiting her next instruction.
"I still don't think they'll kick her out, so you still need to apologize, Reiner. Do it as soon as possible. Breakfast works, she'll have to come to that. Now…"
Annie realized that a few options had come forward to present themselves, but as she was mulling them over, her comrades were growing impatient.
"I think we should go back to Plan A," Reiner blurted out, finally. "We might have a chance again, if the new girl is mad at Jaeger. You know, you could make a move while he's down? I still say it would be much easier to get him to comply if he goes with us willingly."
Annie groaned, but she knew Reiner had a point. "I hate Plan A."
"But if it still has a chance, isn't it better than making everyone hate us?" Bertholdt asked her, gently.
"You two have gone soft."
"You have to admit I have a point though," Bert didn't let up with his pleading brown eyes.
"Fine! I'll try one more time. I still don't think it's ever going to work. And if it does, I don't really want some sad love-struck puppy following me around anyway."
Reiner shrugged. "Well we'll have to kill him at some point, so you wouldn't have to worry about that for too long…"
Annie could not hold back an eyeroll at this. "Point taken. I'll try one more time. But, if it doesn't work, we go back to Plan B. But… wait until after we're on the road. I've been thinking it might be useful for us to see what's in the basement when the others do."
Whoosh.
Clang.
Thud.
Repeat.
Swing, chop, fall.
The work was welcomingly mind-numbing, though Eren was afraid to stop for even a second once he'd started.
He felt the weight of the axe in his arms and the breeze of air as it sailed over his head, feeling the satisfying connection as he hit each block of wood and watching them each split down the middle, falling to the side in two clean halves.
For a second, it was enough.
But just for a second.
Each pause to get a new log posed a new danger, as Eren could feel the well of tangled emotions he was trying so hard to ignore threaten to overwhelm him every time he got a chance to think about them for too long. He renewed his wood chopping with extra vigor on the next round, adding a strangled yell as he brought the axe down with all his might, the pile around him ever-growing.
"Think you've got enough wood there?"
Eren jumped, dropping the axe, and spun to find Armin and Connie smiling at him brightly. Annoyingly brightly. He hadn't even heard them approach as he'd been so focused on not thinking, but now he tried to compose himself quickly.
"What do you guys want?"
"We thought you might need some help dragging all that back to the store shed. You've built up quite a pile." Connie gestured to a small wooden cart they'd brought with them.
"Also… we might be a little worried about you," Armin added in simpering tones that grated on Eren's patience.
"Why would you be worried? I'm fine."
"Eren you've been chopping wood for five hours."
Eren blinked. He had to admit, he hadn't realized quite so much time had passed. But once again, he tried to shrug it off.
"So? We needed more. Just wanted to do something productive."
"Well… thanks," Connie stepped over to start picking some off the ground. "But I think we're good now. Take a breather, man, you really don't look good. Also put your shirt back on, no one wants to see that."
He tossed Eren's shirt back over from where it was lying on a tree stump, and Eren threw it over his head. He could tell Connie was trying to joke around with him, but he didn't feel like laughing. Wordlessly, he began helping the other two load the logs, tossing them into the cart with a little more force than was necessary.
After a few minutes of this, he glanced up and caught Connie and Armin exchanging a glance.
"So… did something happen yesterday?" Armin finally dared to venture.
"With what?"
"Mikasa?"
Eren clenched his teeth at the sound of her name.
"Yeah," he said roughly. "You were there. You saw what Reiner did."
"I mean… after that."
Eren froze on his way to pick up more wood, his back to the others. They couldn't see his face.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Are you sure? Because I really think-"
"Yes Armin, I'm sure."
He tossed more wood into the cart, his eyes averted. Armin and Connie had both stopped moving. Connie tried next.
"You know, if you're having lady troubles, I could help you out! Sasha and I-"
"Would you guys stop? I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it. Let's just get this stuff back over to headquarters. Thanks for helping out."
Eren stormed over to the cart and picked up one handle, waiting for the others to come over and help him pull. Slowly, dejectedly, they trudged forward to pick up the other handle, all taking up the weight together.
For a few paces they walked in silence, until Armin couldn't seem to stand it anymore.
"Fine, Eren, you don't have to talk about it. But if I'm right about what's going on and you're thinking what I think you're thinking, please stop. You can't beat yourself up about it. Just… don't do anything unhealthy, okay?"
Eren heard, but didn't answer his friend. He could feel the ache from all his chopping setting into his arms now as they bore their fraction of the cart's weight, but he didn't care. Let them ache.
Let every muscle in his body catch fire, for all he cared.
He deserved it.
Mikasa made her way back to the castle alone long after Levi had disappeared back inside. She wanted so desperately to discuss the things he'd told her with someone, anyone to help her make sense of it all. Of course, the first person that came to mind was the last person she wanted to see right now. She shook her head a little.
Not him.
The next person that came to mind was Armin, but she knew he wasn't an option either. She quite liked Armin, and she knew he'd probably have very useful insights to what was going on, but he was Eren's best friend first and foremost. She was just some girl he'd only recently met. No, Armin's first allegiance would always go to Eren, as it should.
And so Mikasa found herself wandering the corridors of the castle aimlessly instead, turning the same thoughts over and over in her head, not paying attention to where she was going until a giggle to her left startled her into looking up.
"Mikasa!"
There was a brown blur obscuring Mikasa's vision and suddenly Sasha Brause was pulling her into her bedroom where Krista and Ymir were already sitting on the bed. Mikasa, meanwhile, was still trying to figure out when exactly she'd wandered near the girls' dormitory area.
"We were just talking about you! What did Captain Levi want to talk to you about?"
They all looked at her expectantly.
"I… he just… he wanted to apologize to me again about what happened with Reiner yesterday. He thinks Reiner might have overheard him telling the Commander about it."
It wasn't a full lie, anyway…
"Oh! That makes sense."
"What did you think he wanted to talk to me about?"
Sasha shrugged. "Dunno! We were just curious. Captain Levi hardly ever has private meetings with any of us. Except Eren and Armin, sometimes."
Mikasa flinched involuntarily at Eren's name, and immediately hoped no one had noticed. They appeared not to.
"Hey… Mikasa?" Sasha began again. "About all that stuff Reiner said… We just wanted you to know that we don't agree with it. We don't care where you came from, and we like that you're here now! We haven't had anybody new to the squad in forever, let alone another girl."
Mikasa stared at them all, temporarily unable to talk over a large lump that had suddenly manifested in her throat. The stone around her heart cracked a little for the first time since she'd woken to find it there.
Eventually, she managed to clear her throat.
"Thanks, you guys. That means a lot."
They all smiled at her, or at least Sasha and Krista did. Ymir didn't seem like a very smiley person, but she nodded her agreement.
"What's the deal with Reiner anyway? I don't really know what I did to make him hate me so much."
The other three girls all looked at each other.
"I don't think he really hates you personally," Krista offered slowly.
"It seemed pretty personal yesterday."
"Yeah… but I'm pretty sure that's not how he meant it. The thing is, we've all been together as a group for a really long time. Since training. And it's become… well we pretty much consider each other family? Uh-" She glanced sideways at Ymir. "...maybe not family, family, but, you know, we're the best most of us have got. And we're all really happy to have you here, but I think Reiner just feels a little more defensive over that family we've built. If that makes any sense."
This was the most Mikasa had ever heard Krista speak, and she had to get through the temporary shock of that first before the true wisdom of the petite girl's words could truly resonate with her.
"It makes a lot of sense," she admitted aloud to the others. Still… the image of Reiner's clear façade of an apology wouldn't stop biting at the back of her mind. She decided not to ask anything else about him, and luckily everybody else also seemed eager enough to change the subject.
"Anyway, what did you do to your hair! It looks so cute!"
The door was locked, the shades drawn, every last crack and opening sealed tight, the three people inside refusing to say a word until they were absolutely positive they could not be overheard.
"Are you sure, Hange?" Levi asked, taking one last peek through the keyhole in the door, apparently responding to a statement that had been made earlier.
"Absolutely."
"Then we'll need to act fast," Erwin murmured. He sank down in an armchair to gaze thoughtfully at the ground. Hange took her place leaning against the wall to his side, and Levi kicked his feet up once more behind his desk.
"So where do we stand?" Erwin asked, looking up at Levi. "No new leads?"
"No. Same as it's been for four years. I thought that Mikasa might have new information for us, but it was another dead end. As usual."
Erwin shook his head somberly. "I don't like the idea of leaving knowing there's a traitor in our midst… I thought by the time we reached this day, we'd have everything figured out. Or they would have revealed themselves."
"Yeah well, we should have known it wasn't going to be that easy," Hange put in. "I think whoever it is wants to get to Shiganshina with us. They joined the Survey Corps for a reason in the first place, so they've probably just been biding their time."
Levi made a strange sound somewhere between a growl and a hiss. "I keep trying to smoke them out, but no one's biting. I know the Titan we saw was female but I also know Braun is hiding something. He was listening in on us talking, you now. How else could he have known about Mikasa?"
"Maybe it was a coincidence that he heard you? Or maybe he heard it from somewhere else."
"Point taken. I stand by it though. I just wish we had more than just gut feelings to go on."
They all lapsed into silence for a little bit.
"So what do we do? Knowing that we're leaving on the most important mission for the sake of mankind right now with a traitor in our midst?"
Hange was the one to first speak the question everyone was thinking.
"Business as usual," Erwin declared, causing the other two to gape at him. "Even if the traitor tries to make their move while we're on the road, they'll have a hard time of getting the jump on us. We've got Jaeger, not to mention the best bunch of Titan slayers humanity has to offer right now. We'll be ready."
"Unless the Female Titan returns," Hange pointed out.
"Unless she's not the only secret shifter," Levi added.
Erwin's eyes flashed, and he stood again, letting his full power as Commander pulsate through the air, reminding the others that although they were long-time comrades, he still called the shots in the end.
"The road will probably be dangerous. But someone needs to get to that basement, one way or another. We don't have a choice but to leave, traitor or not."
The undeniable truth of his words hit and sank like an anchor.
Hange nodded. "I'll make the announcement."
The next day, Armin and Hange stood together at breakfast to announce that the very special project they'd been working hard on was finished, and they expected everyone to try it out so that they could be ready to leave for Shiganshina the following night. A buzz of excitement traveled through the gathered squad members, banished for so long, out of action for so long, itching to push back at the world that had pushed them down: desperate to return to their true calling.
For a moment, the dull pain throbbing in Eren Jaeger's heart ebbed as his eyes once more gleamed with a trace of their old fire.
Mikasa stood between Sasha and Krista in front of their new sets of hydro-powered three-dimensional maneuvering gear, all lined up neatly and waiting for them on the training field. When Hange gave the order, they all began suiting up.
The new gear fit and even looked relatively the same as the old gear. The only indication that it was any different lay in the lack of tarnish on the metals and the shine of the swords. Mikasa thought she might have been imagining it, but it also felt lighter than the old gear had. She tightened it around her waist and against her back and turned back to await orders.
"Your assignment," Captain Levi called once the general shifting down the lines had quieted, "Is to simply try the gear out. Make sure it functions properly in battle-like situations. Report back if anything seems amiss. We have to know if we plan on leaving tomorrow."
Everyone nodded their understanding.
"The fuel refill is located in the same spot on this gear as it was on the old gear. Just, you know, put water in instead of gas," Armin piped up from Levi and Hange's left. "It will be the perfect time to test and make sure everyone knows how to refill as well."
Eren stood just on the other side of Armin, and Mikasa's eyes accidentally met his for a split second on their way back from watching Armin's orders. She looked away quickly, chiding herself for the leap in her heart the second she so much as looked at him.
"Make sure you test the new gear to its full extent. Don't worry about straining it. We need to make sure it will really work in a real battle setting," Levi was concluding.
At these words, everyone scattered, heading for the woods.
"Race you?" Sasha challenged Mikasa at the edge of the trees with a playful grin.
Mikasa returned the smile. "You're on."
Both girls pulled at the release chords and shot forward, letting the wires of the near gear finally stretch out to greet the air.
Mikasa could hear the sounds of the gear going off all around as all of her teammates did the same, and then all she could hear was the rush of air in her ears as she let herself take off.
Flying with the gear felt just as amazing as usual. She dipped into a slow flip forward, propelling herself with the force of her swinging body to go faster yet, letting out chord after chord to grip each tree in turn to aid her in her flight. But when she chanced a look around and realized she'd lost sight of Sasha, she landed on a low-hanging branch to pause and catch her breath. Either Sasha was too far ahead of her to catch, or they'd accidentally gone different directions.
Oh well, she thought. Their race hadn't really had much of an end-point anyway.
The forest all around Mikasa had gone quiet, she now realized. Perhaps she'd been going faster than she'd thought. Or maybe she'd just made a different turn from everyone else. Still, it wasn't that big of a forest; it felt odd to not be able to hear anyone else's voices at all.
She was about to shoot another chord to take off again, but before she could the wind was knocked out of her as a hard form came plowing into her at full force, causing her to fall a few feet from her tree branch to the ground. She blinked, dazed and choking for air, trying to pull herself up from the moss to catch a glimpse of what had run into her.
At first, all she saw were dingy black boots. But her gaze traveled haltingly upward to find Reiner's stony gaze staring down at her.
"Sorry," he said, offering a callused hand to her. "I didn't see you there."
Just as at breakfast the previous morning, his words didn't match his eyes. That same cruel smirk was wrinkling their corners and turning up his lips. Mikasa glared at him and, with a considerable effort, struggled to stand up without his aid.
"Sure you didn't," she muttered, turning her back on him, fully intending to walk away before could lose her inner battle with herself and take a swing at him.
"Really! I didn't. Why would I want to hurt you, comrade?"
Mikasa stopped in her tracks, taking a moment to collect herself before rounding on him again.
"I don't know, Braun. Why would you?"
The infuriating sneer finally fell from his visage to be replaced by pure ice.
"You better watch your back, Ackerman."
"From who? You?"
Reiner shrugged. "Maybe… or maybe Captain Levi, the way he's going around spreading your story for anyone to hear… or maybe your precious Jaeger. He's conveniently neglected to tell you something pretty huge about himself you know…"
Mikasa did take a swing at him now, but her aim was poor in her rush of emotion and he dodged it easily, laughing.
"Shut up!" she screamed, taking another swing. He grabbed her wrist to stop her before she could connect, pulling her arm up in his grasp and rendering it harmless as he glowered at her. But she stood her ground, twisting in his grip, trying to break free.
"I don't know what your deal is, but I'm not going anywhere! I'm staying with the Corps. And if you think telling me-"
"Hey!"
A new arrival caused Mikasa to break off mid-sentence and Reiner to freeze, still holding her arm. Eren walked forward from between the trees, his eyes blazing, his blade drawn, his rage focused on Reiner.
"What the hell is this?"
"Eren, get out of here! I'm fine," Mikasa yelled at him. Eren looked pointedly from Reiner, to his fist gripping Mikasa's wrist, and back to Mikasa incredulously.
"It… doesn't look fine," he said finally.
Reiner snorted and shoved Mikasa's wrist from his grip roughly, causing her to fall face-first in the dirt again. Eren was kneeling at her side almost instantly, cursing at Reiner.
"Remember what I said Ackerman," Reiner said over his shoulder as Mikasa struggled to sit up and glare at his retreating back. But by the time she'd found her voice to call back a retort, he'd disappeared amongst the trees.
"You okay?" Eren asked, his hand resting on her back and his bright eyes colored with concern. The stone around Mikasa's heart tightened painfully at the look on his face. She shook off his hand.
"I'm fine."
Without his help, she managed to pull herself back to her feet and began to walk off through the trees, but Eren wasn't letting her off so easily.
"Hey, wait! What was all that? Did he say more of that shit from the other day again? Did he threaten you? I swear to god-"
Mikasa stopped short and whirled around violently, only to find he was closer behind her than she'd realized. Now they stood, face-to-face, breathing hard. But neither backed down.
"You're not the one Reiner overheard, Eren. Levi was."
"He... What?"
"Everybody here has just been running around re-telling my life story, apparently."
"Mikasa, I'm so sorry. I promise, neither of us meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do."
Mikasa regarded him for a moment.
"I know."
She heard his breath catch slightly, and he reached out to take her hand gently. His eyes held hers captive, searching their depths desperately for a sign of hope. All Mikasa wanted to do was close the gap between them, lean into him, forget everything that had happened since Reiner opened his mouth at the evaluation.
But it wasn't like that anymore.
A wall, as tall and strong as the ones that enclosed humanity, had gone up between them, and there was no scaling it as it tightened its grip around Mikasa's heart once more.
"What aren't you telling me, Eren?"
He stepped back from her with a start.
"Huh?"
"Can you promise me that, if I forgive you, there won't be any secrets left between us?"
Eren's face fell. She watched an inner struggle take place across the slopes of his expressive face, his eyes filled with torment, his mouth opening and closing, almost speaking but then holding back the words every time at the last minute. The wall grew higher.
"I… I…"
But Mikasa slipped her hand out of his, letting his arm fall limply to the side.
"I see." Her voice was so quiet, it was nearly a whisper now. "I need to go now, Eren."
Mikasa turned her back to leave.
"Wait!"
Bracingly, she turned back around.
" I… I like your hair. It suits you."
He wasn't smiling. Mikasa turned back around dejectedly.
"Later, Eren."
A/N: You can expect the next chapter sooner rather than later! I'm really excited about what's coming up next.
Thank you so much for reading! Please continue to let me know what you think!