Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if my OCs wander into your story, give them a bop on the nose and send them back here.
The Kobold Necromancer's Warning - New poll. Go vote after you read this chapter. The winners of the first poll were Noah in first place, Ezekiel in second place, and Cody and Clive tie for third. Guess you all love your nerdy guys.
Chapter 5 - The Car Goes Vroom-Vroom!
A loudspeaker that could be heard in every room let out a sharp whine, jarring all the teenagers from sleep; even those hardest to jar were jarred.
"Good morning, campers," Chris's annoyingly cheerful voice came in full-blare mode. "It is 7:30 AM, and it's time to eat breakfast, read the paper, and then get starting on your second challenge!"
"The second challenge already?" Gwen cried out. "We just did the first challenge!"
"In case you're wondering why so soon, well, we really do need to hurry the challenges along, because we have over forty to do! Too many of you whippersnappers in this challenge!"
"Then you shouldn't have had forty-four contestants, dork," Eva snarled.
"So every one of you, report to the cafeteria for breakfast! I think Chef Hatchet has something surprising for all of you!"
Duncan rolled his eyes. "Alrighty then, if he says so. Better get Colin out of the closet I locked him in."
(Janitor's Closet - To clean up after breakfast.)
Tyler - "Surprise? Yeah, right. He just says that to bug us. It'd be surprising if Chef Hatchet could make toast right. Toast that isn't soggy or green or is still on fire, or somehow all three at once."
Justin - "Chef could burn water."
Valerie - "I want to know just why we have to eat what he makes. I'd starve myself in protest, but I'm not entirely sure Chris would budge even if I was near death."
The breakfast was a surprise: purple eggs and green sausage. "How'd you get it that color?" Rodney asked, very intrigued. "Did you dye them?"
"What do you mean, 'dye'?" Chef asked.
Something popped out of one of the sausages on Rodney's plate. It was probably a worm, but too mutated to be natural. The kid let out a scream, dropped his plate, and ran from the cafeteria in a panic.
"You kids are finicky eaters," Chef Hatchet shouted at the retreating child. He noticed the next contestant was Crystal, and he glared something fierce at her. "You ain't one of those anorexic girls, are ya?"
"No no, of course not," she declared. "I eat healthy-"
"Good, then feast on this!"
Chef scooped a large amount of purple eggs and splattered them on her plate. Some caught on her face, and she gagged.
"I... oh God, I can taste it in my mouth already," she whimpered. Her eyes watered, and then bile rose up in her throat. "Oh bloody hell!"
She ran out of the cafeteria, both hands over her mouth. The forty-one contestants in the line for breakfast all looked very discouraged, especially when Chef started laughing.
"The British are fleeing, the British are fleeing," he joked, then glared at the line. "Which one of you maggots is ne-"
The next "maggot" slammed his tray down in front of Chef, startling the big man. Xander was glaring something fierce at him, drumming his fingers on the empty tray.
"If you think I'm going to eat any of this crap," he growled at the bigger man, "you're out of your tiny little mind."
Chef snarled and slammed his instrument on the tray, bending it into an arch with one blow; the interesting thing was that the instrument was a ladle. Xander withdrew his fingers fast enough, and now he was really mad; his brow was furrowed, and his facial scar seemed to tighten in apprehension.
"I don't think you understand me, Chef," Xander snapped. "When I refuse to do something, that's it. I may be tortured for the sake of winning of the show, but I ain't gonna eat your crap because you have no skills in cooking."
Everyone in the line took several steps back; Hannah began praying for Xander.
Chef, his face contorted in fury, reached over the counter to grab Xander's jacket collar. The biker was faster, and grabbed the large man's arm. Dragging him across the counter, smearing his own revolting all over him, Xander slammed Chef Hatchet on the ground on the opposite side.
"Let's see if you can take it as well as dish it out," the rebel remarked, then looked at the others. "Can someone hand me some of the food?"
Most of the others backed away, but Eva was never one to stand down. She scooped a bowl of purple eggs and presented it to Xander. "I made sure to get the extra chunky parts!"
Chef Hatchet's eyes widened in fear. "No! The extra chunky parts are made of lar-"
He didn't finish, as Xander had grabbed a handful and forced it into Chef's mouth. He went to reach for another handful, but Eva was already grabbing more and proceeding the process of force-feeding Chef his own cooking.
After about three handfuls, a desperate Chef Hatchet shoved both Xander and Eva away. He ran out the cafeteria, his hands over his mouth and gagging wretchedly.
"Yay, we defeated the cafeteria monster," Xander exclaimed, and high-fived Eva; as he turned away to cradle his now very sore hand, he let out a soft chuckle. "Thanks for the help, Eva."
"No problem. I've been wanting to do that since day one of Total Drama Island," Eva said, and laughed. "Oh, I have a good feeling about this season!"
"So then," Harold spoke up from the line of hungry contestants, "what are we going to do about breakfast?"
"Well," Xander tapped his chin, "who here knows how to cook? How to actually cook?" Ezekiel, Sakaki, Katie, and Sadie raised their hands. "All right then! You four, go to the kitchen and prepare something edible!"
(Janitor's Closet - To clean up after Crystal and Chef Hatchet.)
Eva - \chuckles\ "That Xander guy, I think I like him. I hope I'm on his team this time."
Sakaki - \very quietly\ "It... it was nice to work with Katie and Sadie. Those two sure can talk a lot... I wish I had the ability to talk like that."
Leshawna - "Chef Hatchet defeated, a good breakfast, and Eva smiling?! I think I've seen it all in the first two days I've been here." \She grins.\ "And that's fine by me, yo."
Chris Maclean - \laughing\ "I loved that. And if you think I'm gonna protest them doing that, well, Chef did cost me a lot of money last season, and it's time for pay back!"
(After breakfast, which was edible for once.)
The forty-three contestants, after breakfast, were back in the stadium's center. Some of them were still holding their glasses, drinking as they walked to the raised platform. The roaring crowd greeted them, which caused a good deal of them to wave back and roar out enthusiastically.
"Did these people stay here overnight?!" Gwen grumbled. "Honestly, where did they sleep?"
"Why so bitter, girlfriend?" Leshawna asked her. "Breakfast was actually good for once! I need to find out which of those girls made the pancakes-"
"I made those, eh," Ezekiel called out.
"Oh, sorry, Zeke. But yeah, breakfast was good! Why you bitter?"
"I like sleeping in," Gwen said with a heavy sigh. "I actually got to sleep in after the second season, and now that I'm being forced to wake up to a screaming crowd, I'm not going to be Miss Congeniality!"
"Boy," Daisy whispered to Sebastian, "I'd hate to be on her team!"
Once all forty-three contestants were on the raised platform, Chris and a very irked Chef Hatchet walked on. "Welcome, contestants, to the second challenge of Total! Drama! Battlegrounds!"
He raised his arms to the crowd, and they roared and cheered in approval.
"Are you going to do that," Valerie snapped at him, "every day we're here?"
"Yes," the host said, "yes, I am!"
"No," said Belinda, "no, you won't."
A lot of the contestants and Chris himself stared at her. She merely bobbed on her heels and stared up at the morning sky. The host scratched his head, then realized it was right where he was hit in the head with a broom on the first day.
"I must remember to do that every day we have a challenge then," he said to himself, "just to prove you wrong."
"My money's on Foresight," Howard cheered.
"Oh, is that my nickname now?" she asked, batting her eyes at him.
"If that's okay with you?"
"Fine, fine," she said, continuing to bob on her feet.
(Janitor's Closet - Think she'll be right?)
Howard - \winking at the camera\ "Oh yeah, she likes me! And who wouldn't want a girl like Belinda, huh? Calm, beautiful, intelligent, and she could help you win the lottery!"
Belinda - \smiling calmly at the camera\ "Nope, still not into him. But... Foresight? Hehe, rather cute."
DJ - "Me and some of the guys have started a bet, but we're trying to see who'll bet against Belinda. So far, most seem to think she's gonna win this."
"Okay campers," Chris shouted, "or... contestants. Or players. Gee, I don't know what to call you all anymore, since we're not at camp anymore."
"How about 'gladiators'?" Harold suggested, miming out sword motions.
"How about 'warriors'?" Joel suggested, gesturing to the arena.
"How about 'the doomed'?" Clive grumbled.
The emo was sitting on the side of the platform, staring over the side as if it was an abyss. Daisy yanked him up to his feet and pulled him over to the group.
"No need to be sulky, white boy," she said, then giggled. "You actually are the only person I would call that, 'cause you truly are white."
"If we're done with suggestions and pulling the emo around," Chris said, tapping his foot, "I think we have a challenge to get to! Now who here loves to drive?"
Several contestants raised their hands, and Chris grinned. "Well, we did a bit of checking, just to make sure every team has at least two people who can drive. Because today's challenge is... a road trip!"
A good deal of the contestants let out loud cheers, pumping their fists into the air. Carol and Geoff were leaping up and down in their excitement. Some, like Courtney and Heather, didn't look as thrilled.
"So, it's basically a car race?" Courtney asked. "One that'll take several days?"
"Two days, actually, and that's counting today," the host explained.
He pressed a button on a remote, and a large screen rose up from the stadium ground. A projector also popped up, and soon a large map of their surrounding area was on the screen.
"We are here," Chris used a laser pointer to display a certain area on the map. "You all will be given maps and directions that will lead you to here," he laser-pointer'ed his way over a series of freeways to another location, "where you will find a rest stop for the night. It's called the Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop."
"Oh, that sounds relaxing," Arthur grumbled.
"You all will need to check in there to confirm you hit the stop before continuing back over this route," he said, laser pointer guiding across the map, "which will lead you back here. And to let you all know, the Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop has been instructed by us to only let the first five teams into their hotel."
"What?" Katie exclaimed, exchanging nervous glances with Sadie and Noah. "Does that mean we have to sleep in your car if you're late?"
"Yes," the host said, his sadistic grin in full form now, "yes it does."
"How many teams are there?" Noah asked.
"All in due time, Noah."
"It's one number, Chris," he shouted, startling some people. "One number, how hard is it to say one number? How much time could it possibly kill to say-"
"All right, all right! Nine! There, you happy?!"
"Yes," Noah said, with Chris's sadistic grin on his face, "yes I am."
(Janitor's Closet - Noah slept here.)
Chris Maclean - "I had forgotten how much I didn't like Noah from the last season."
Katie & Sadie - Sadie - "OhmiGod, Katie! Your boyfriend is, like, so clever!"
Katie - \giggling\ "Yes! Yes, he is!"
\Both girls burst out laughing.\
"Moving along," Chris said firmly, "I'd like to let you all know that each team will be given a small share of money to start off with. This can be used for food, gas, or whatever your heart desires; spend wisely! Each team will get more when they reach Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop, receiving more depending on the place they arrive there.
"As for heading back here to Maclean Stadium, the first seven teams to arrive back here will win immunity! The last two teams... one of you will be boarding the Bus of Defeat forever!"
Daisy looked over at Alfred in remembrance of that day. The American gonzo was busy talking to Howard, but how he looked concerned Daisy; Alfred looked liked he hadn't got a wink of sleep. "Maybe," she thought, "he was up all night because of stress?"
Chris clicked his tongue as he looked over the forty-three contestants. "We have the nine teams set already, since we needed to make sure we had at least two people who could drive on each team. Once I have announced the teams, be prepared for a pre-start challenge, because it'll decide what of the nine vehicles you get!"
Chris held his hand out towards Chef Hatchet, and the big man rolled his eyes as he handed a clipboard to him. The handsome host put on some fake reading glasses, and began to read from the list.
"Okay! On team one, we have Duncan, Eva, Yoshi, and Xander," he read off, "mostly because we wanted four of the toughest people on one team!"
The four contestants looked at each other, and they all seemed to approve, though Duncan was wondering how safe it was to be with a guy with a real sword, and with Eva. She was exchanging a soft high-five with Xander, both of them still basking in their conquer over Chef.
"On team two, we have Gwen, Trent, Bridgette, Crystal, DJ, and Alfred!"
Trent and Gwen cheered and hugged, and Bridgette joined in. Crystal clapped her hands excitedly and looked over at Alfred, who yawned and rubbed his eyes. DJ pat him on the back.
"Yo, you okay, buddy?" the gentle giant asked Alfred.
"Um, kind of."
(Janitor's Closet - Where "kind of" is explained in detail.)
Alfred - \with baggy eyes\ "I think I slept three minutes. Really, I'm not doing so well, mostly because I couldn't sleep the day before the contest, and I couldn't the first night of the contest. I mean, dudes, how could I? I was almost voted off, I must have done something really bad to deserve that."
\He sighs, then shrugs.\ "Hopefully they'll let me sleep on the trip, because I'm..." \he yawns\ "... really not focused."
Howard - "Alfred may be exhausted, but the guy's still interested in learning all he can about the TDI girls since he didn't watch the show at all. What a trooper! I'm so proud of him! But when he asked the name of the really hot blond girl from TDI, I told him that Lindsay was taken."
Trent - "Well, a road trip with Gwen, huh? And my possible future stepsister! This might be an interesting challenge, and when I say 'interesting,' I finally mean 'fun'!"
"Moving on," Chris said over the chatter of the contestants and the crowd, "we have team three! This will consist of Heather, Zachary, Valerie, and Ezekiel!"
The two girls and Zachary did not look happy about their teammates, but Ezekiel did. He let out a cheer, and hugged his girlfriend. "Hooray, we're on the same team, Heather," he said cheerfully. "Isn't that great, we don't have to compete a'geenst each other, eh!"
"Wonderful," she said, though unenthusiastically since she and Valerie were glaring daggers at each other; why Valerie was glaring at her was still unknown to her, but she never backed down from a threat.
"Team four," Chris blurted out, "will be Katie, Sadie, Noah, and Clive!"
Katie and Sadie squealed in joy, sending shivers up most peoples' spines; Katie did stop after a few seconds, and covered her mouth. She looked apologetically at Noah, who smiled and shrugged at her.
"Well, aren't you the lucky girl," he said to her. "Boyfriend and BFFFL? I think Chris is being generous to you."
"That's why I threw in the emo," Chris said, "to make things difficult for you all."
"I knew it," Clive grumbled as he stared at the floor. "I knew I'd be classified as a 'burden' teammate. At least you're honest enough to be open about it, Chris."
"Thank you."
"Like a noble savage who says a prayer for his victim before cutting his heart out and eating it raw, that's what you are, Chris Maclean," he continued, must to the disgust of those around him. "With blood and entrails hanging from your mouth as you happily swallow a large portion of my once-beating organ, you enjoy my agony but make sure I am safe in the afterlife."
"I don't want to sit next to him," Sadie whimpered to Katie.
"Um, thanks," the host looked a little off-put by that comparison. "Anyway! Team five will consist of Leshawna, Colin, Beth, Sakaki, and Sebastian!"
Sebastian looked for Sakaki, smiling comfortingly, but couldn't see her. It was only after a couple trembling hands clenched his shoulders from behind that he knew where she was, and the person she was hiding from.
"What the heck is she doing, hiding behind you?" Colin grumbled, then glared at Sakaki. "You shouldn't have joined the contest if you cannot handle attention, you fool."
"You ain't pulling any of that on my team, white boy," Leshawna growled. "Keep up the attitude, your seat will be tied to the roof of the car!"
Colin looked over at her, and shrugged. "How bold of you. If only your teammates felt as brave."
He pointed behind Leshawna, where a trembling Beth was hiding.
(Janitor's Closet - People hide in here too.)
Beth - "Colin... is really scary. I don't want to be in the same car as him!"
Colin - "What a bunch of wimpy girls! Why'd they join the show if they have no backbone?"
Sebastian - \pressing the bridge of his glasses up with a serious look on his face\ "If he tries anything, I'll have to apply some pressure to him. Or more specifically, the area of his neck that causes him to lose consciousness. I hope Chris has no problems with that."
Harold - "It's like seeing a D&D party with a Lawful Good character and a Chaotic Evil character. That's actually possible in the game, and you wonder how they can cope with each other. Simple: they party just has to knock out one of them whenever it comes to a moral decision.
"Luckily, Sebastian's already proved he can K.O. that Colin creep. That's an awesome skill, he really needs to teach me it. That way, I can knock out my sister whenever she starts rambling." \He chuckles and rubs his hands deviously.\
"If you all are done fighting," Chris said, "I'd like to continue!"
"Isn't fighting half the drama?" Noah asked, quirking an eyebrow at the host.
"Not when I'm trying to talk! Now, team six will be one of two largest teams, so you might want to be considerate when it comes to the car you win. The team members are Lindsay, Hannah, Mandy, Tyler, Howard, and Jasmine!"
While Tyler and Lindsay embraced in joy of being on the same team, another member was very excited. Howard looked in-between the girls.
"Okay, she loves the theater," he thought as he looked at Jasmine. "I'll tell her she's Juliet...
"I... already hit on her, but I'll tell her I love rats," he thought as he looked at Mandy, then looked over at Hannah. "Oh, she'll probably starting screaming how much of a sinner I am if I hit on her. Better leave her alone, but that's such a shame, she's so darn cute!
And her," Howard finalized as he looked at Lindsay. "Well, she's taken, and her boyfriend's here. No flirting... but I sure can look."
He did continue to look because Tyler and Lindsay weren't looking at him. And his staring endured until Belinda nudged him.
"Her D-cups are not her eyes, Howard," she told him, "even if she's not looking at you."
"Hehe, sorry," he chuckled nervously, then added, "I just love gorgeous blonds, you know? And you're one too."
"Flattering, considering you were just gawking her chestical region."
As Howard mentally cursing himself for blowing that big-time, Chris was continuing the teams. "Team seven is five members too. The members are Owen, Carol, Justin, Arthur, and Izzy."
Arthur took a look at his teammates. Owen was scratching his butt inside his undershorts, Justin was busy correcting his bangs using a hand mirror, Carol was clapping and jumping from foot to foot, and Izzy was... grinning like Izzy did.
(Janitor's Closet - So which is the worst?)
Arthur - "So I'm going to be stuck in a car with two psychotic girls, a living fart machine, and a narcissist who might use the rearview mirror?" \He sighs heavily, then shrugs.\ "Oh well, I knew when I signed up for this show, it wasn't going to be a picnic."
Owen - \grinning\ "All right! I'm on the same team as my girlfriend! I hope she doesn't want to drive, because I want her in the back with me!"
\He grins, then looks nervous.\ "Um, back seat means just first base, right? I mean, we do have people on the team I don't know, don't really want them to see anything." \He giggles nervously.\
Carol - "I got my driver's license as soon as I could. I want to be an awesome driver when I am a cop, and can chase down those grand theft autos!"
\She grins, then grips the camera and pulls her face up to it.\ "You hear that, all you punks who are playing that evil little game as practice? If you try anything like that when I'm an officer, I won't hesitant to break out the riot shotgun and blow your ass off! Ha ha ha haaaaaa!"
Duncan - "For some reason, I'm getting this really strong feeling of relief that I'm not on that psycho girl's team. And I actually don't mean Izzy."
"I'm sure you all will have a good time together," Chris said, grinning at them. "Moving on, since this is taking way too long, we have team eight, another team with five members. The members are Geoff, Courtney, Joel, Belinda, and Daisy."
The five members all looked at each other, but none of them looked concerned or happy. The host, who wanted drama, looked rather annoyed by the lack of emotions. "Aw c'mon," he angrily protested, "don't any of you have anything to say?"
"I'm happy to have Joel on my team," Belinda said. "He can fix the car if it breaks."
"I want more protesting than that! How about how Courtney stabbed Geoff in the back last season in her quest for revenge against Harold?"
"Chris...," Courtney growled, clenching her hands. "You didn't need to say that-"
"Moving on," the host continued gleefully now that someone was angry, "we have our final team! Team nine consists of Anita, Rodney, Harold, and Cody!"
Most everyone was startled when there was a high-pitched scream of delight, that was quickly replaced with embarrassed giggling. The contestants looked at a red-faced Anita, who was trying to hide her face in her shame.
"Glad someone's happy," Chris remarked, smirking.
(Janitor's Closet - We're happy too, doesn't that count?)
Anita - \singing\ "I'm on the same team as Co-dee, I'm on the same team as Co-dee! Oh, I could be voted off after this challenge, and my life would still be complete! Oh thank you, God! Woohoo!"
Courtney - \angry, crossing her arms\ "Did... he... HAVE to bring that up? I mean seriously, he's hurting not only my chances if that... rather... bad... okay, I don't want to downplay it that much, but c'mon! I'm not the only person who'll be hurt by bringing that up, it'll hurt Duncan's chances too!"
"Now that we have all nine teams prepared," Chris said, "it's time to decide which of the nine vehicles you'll get! Chef, you want to show them the nine vehicles they can get?"
Chef Hatchet was at the left side of the stage now, dressed like a game show lady. Most of the teenagers reacted with disgust at this.
"Eww," Lindsay wailed, "that dress is so not his color."
"And way too skimpy for a man like him," Beth added.
"It's too skimpy for men, period," Valerie groaned.
"These are the cars that you might get," Chris announced as Chef walked from curtain to curtain, revealing the vehicles.
"The first is a sleek, shiny hybrid car," the host announced as the dressing-wearing cook patted the purple car. "Takes gas and electricity, excellent mileage, and an awesome ride. Five seats."
Bridgette clapped, her eyes sparkling. Valerie rolled her eyes and looked away.
"The second is a common six-seater," Chris said as Chef Hatchet patted the second car, which was a pleasant, cherry red. "Good mileage, six seats, and it has loads of space."
"That might be good for our team," Hannah said to Tyler and Lindsay. When she realized the two were still staring at the hybrid, she added, "That first one doesn't have enough seats."
"Can't someone ride on the roof or something?" Lindsay asked.
"The third vehicle," Chris was continuing, "is a small bus!"
The small bus was rusty and dented, but still in decent shape. The cross dressing co-host leaned against it, an elegant sweep of his arm gesturing to the length of the large vehicle.
"A little hard to drive, but we pulled strings so those who can drive can drive it on the open road," Chris explained. "There's ten seats, not including the driver, but no CD or tape player, so you'll have to make your own entertainment."
"Sounds like a boring ride," Crystal said, "unless you have good teammates to ride with and chat with."
"You planning on helping Gwen and Trent with their relationship?" DJ asked with a smile as he shook Alfred's shoulder to keep him awake.
"The bus and six-seater may be the 'biggest' as far as seats go," Chris said, "but what I know all you guys and some of you gals want is the monster truck!"
Chef Hatchet wasn't even as big as one of the wheels for the very large vehicle. A lot of the guys did indeed cheer and start declaring how much they wanted it.
"This ride is huge, mean, and can crush most of the other cars under it," Chris said proudly. "It has five seats, poor mileage, and a booming stereo in it."
"Want," Colin chanted.
"Need," Tyler moaned.
"Men," Courtney muttered with a roll of her eyes. She looked at the nearest girl, Daisy, who was drooling at the sight of the monster truck.
"Next car might be just what you need to win this contest," Chris said. "It's a race car, barely been used!"
The sparkling white race car made many more guys and tomboys cheer wildly. The crowd went wild, and it was like being at a racing car contest all of a sudden.
"Four seats, and no CD player, sorry; no rearview mirrors either. Though it consumes loads of gas if you make it go really fast," the host continued, "that's what you need if you want to win this challenge! Oh, and on a side note, if you total your vehicle, your team is automatically disqualified!"
"What if more than one crash their car?" Justin asked.
"Then the first two who crashed their cars are going to vote for someone. And if you cause someone else to crash, they are not eliminated, but neither are you."
"Oh great," Noah said, slapping his forehead. "Encouraged road rage."
"Moving on, our next car is not a car, but good if you want to dominate the road," Chris said. "It's a semi!"
The largest of the vehicles was revealed, and some of the guys let out approving 'ooo's.' Belinda looked dubious.
"How can one drive one of these things properly if you don't have experience?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Chef will give the drivers of the team who gets it a little crash course, and like the bus, they are licensed for this challenge."
"There's also the issue of space," Anita said. "I mean, aren't there only three seats in front?"
"That's what the back is for," Chris said, his grin wide.
"The back? You mean the storage compartment?"
"Yep! Now, the next car is something simple, but small," the host continued. "We have us a jeep!"
The olive green jeep was small, as Chris commented, but still rather nifty. The two most excited were Rodney and Carol, both cheering loudly. The host noticed their excitement, and smiled at them.
"I see we have some off-road lovers," he commented. "The jeep does have four-wheel drive, okay mileage, four seats, and the open top provides cool breeze for everyone! Hope no one on your team has a hat they want to lose!"
Rodney nodded and snapped his chin strap on.
"Now the next one is the complete opposite," Chris said. "We have the hum-vee!"
The large, silver Hummer that was revealed had the biggest reaction: either violent boos or wild cheers. Geoff was cheering until he saw the look of disgust on Bridgette's face, and his enthusiasm died.
"Yeah, you nature lovers hate this vehicle, I know," the host declared, "but we here at Total Drama Battlegrounds don't care what you hippies think!"
"Way to tell 'em, Chris," Chef Hatchet shouted.
"Darn right! Now, the hum-vee has off-road driving, smooth driving, seven seats, and king of the road feeling, as well as an awesome stereo!"
"And poor mileage," Sebastian pointed out.
"Don't give a crap," Eva said, pounding her palm. "I want that beauty!"
"Me too, me too," Daisy exclaimed, wiping her mouth.
"And last is the car that I'm sure a lot of you would be thrilled to ride," Chris said, grinning sadistically. "We have the sleek, beautiful, convertible, brand-new...
"... bright pink Volkswagen Beetle!!"
Shining brighter than any of the other cars, the pink beetle caused an even greater reaction from everyone. A few of the girls, namely Lindsay and the BFFFLs, were squealing in joy and leaping up and down. Most of the guys looked downright horrified.
"NO," Noah was shouting at his girlfriend and her friend, but neither was listening.
"I'm getting tunnel vision just looking at that nightmare," Duncan snarled.
Arthur took one look at it and acted like a vampire being shown a cross. He backed away, and then an even greater horror came to his mind: Owen was on his team. "I think I'll quit the contest if we get that car," he thought bitterly.
"That one's only a four-seater, so be careful about picking it, no matter how much you want it," Chris recommended. "Good mileage too."
(Janitor's Closet - The girliest car ever!)
Yoshi - "I'd rather commit hari-kari on my sword than be in that car."
Gwen - "They'd have to keep the back window open for me, because I'd puke until nothing was left in my stomach."
Zachary - "That bright of pink should not be allowed on cars, period!"
Mandy - "The Old Gods would never forgive me if I rode in that abomination!"
Geoff - "Oh, I don't mind pink so much." \He straightens out his pink vest.\
Cody - "Wow, I wonder if Anita would like that car, and if I can convince the other two guys to let us pick it. Maybe she and I..." \he blushes and pokes his fingers together\ "Maybe she and I could sit in the back seat together..."
\He blushes more, then stares at the camera.\ "Um, just sit, is all. I mean, Rodney's on our team, I don't want to be a bad influence... but then again, if she really likes me, I'll show the kid how to court a girl!" \He giggles a whole lot.\
"Now we decide who gets to pick the vehicle first, and what better way to prepare for the pedal action than... Dance Dance Rebellion!"
A small part of the large platform they were on opened up, and a DDR stage rose up from underneath. A lot of contestants cheered in response, but Harold was rather confused.
"Wasn't there water underneath?" he asked, but no one answered him.
"Now you all are going to do a hard song, so pick a DDR expert," Chris instructed. "One try, cheering and interjection is allowed, your scores will be added up and you'll pick in the order highest to lowest."
"Wait Chris," Hannah called out, "don't you mean it's Dance Dance Rev-"
"No, shush, we still don't have the rights," Chris protested. "Now then, Team 1, who do you want?"
The four tough teammates looked at each other. Duncan and Xander shook their heads, they had never played DDR. Eva and Yoshi exchanged glances.
"I've played it some, how about you?" Eva asked.
"Rather a lot, I must admit," the warrior admitted. "Long story how, don't care to go into details."
"I hope you dance better than you arm wrestle," she said, then slapped him on the back. "You're up."
"Hold this for me," he said, handing his katana blade to the fitness buff.
As he walked onto the stage, Colin watched closely. The song started up, and as the warrior started to dance, the bully held up his plastic glass from breakfast.
"Hey, asian boy," he shouted, "this is for pointing your sword at me the first day!"
He chucked the glass at Yoshi's feet, and the warrior accidentally stepped on it. Tripping, he fell on his face with a cry of pain. The song finished without him scoring another point.
"What the hell was that?!" Xander was shouting, glaring at Colin. "He fricking interfered!"
"You can't allow that one," Daisy cried out as she helped Yoshi up. Blood leaked from a wound on his forehead.
Colin smirked at all the fervent protesting. "Chris said 'interjection' was allowed," he stated, proudly.
"I actually meant that in the sense of booing and jeering," the host said, then smirked exactly like Colin. "But I like this more! Interference will be allowed, and that one does count for team one!"
(Janitor's Closet - Doesn't seem fair...)
Yoshi - \with a bandage wrapped around his forehead, glaring at the camera\ "He is so lucky that Eva was holding my sword then. I am gonna beat the living crap out of that guy next time I see him!! RRRRRGH!"
Hannah - \frowning\ "Chris and Colin's sins will not go unpunished, because cruelty is it's own reward. When you show no mercy or compassion, neither shall He. And of course, neither will we."
\She smirks at the camera now.\ "With Sebastian and Leshawna on his team, Colin is gonna wish he had behaved. Only wish I could see it; guess I'll have to watch the reruns."
As Chef Hatchet treated Yoshi's wound, Chris turned to the now very upset teens. "Okay, team two, you're up."
The six looked at each other. Bridgette, Trent, and Crystal had barely played it, and Alfred was practically dead on his feet with exhaustion. Gwen and DJ debated it, and finally, he took to the DDR stage.
Though interference was allowed, most of the teens had the respect to not attack DJ on his turn, or Zachary for team three. Colin tried, but Sebastian pinched the nerve in the back of his neck to knock him out.
"Team four, who are you sending up?" Chris asked after Zachary stepped down. "So far, team one was abysmal, but teams two and three weren't bad!"
Katie and Sadie looked each other, excited. "Oh, you go," Sadie gushed. "You're, like, the best DDR player I know, and you can win us the pink bug!"
"Now wait," Noah started, but the girl was already rushing to the DDR stage. He didn't think it was possible, but as he watched Katie dance, he felt his hopes sink. She was doing magnificently, and the bookworm kept glancing at the pink beetle.
"This is gonna be hell," he groaned.
"Welcome to my world," Clive, his teammate muttered.
"Your family owns one of those pink nightmares?"
"No, my life is hell, that's all."
Katie left off the DDR stage when she was done, having won a near-perfect score. Team five was next, but when Chris called for a dancer, Colin had revived.
"Me," he shouted, aggressively pushing Sebastian out of the way. "I'm gonna get me one of those big cars for sure."
"What the hell," Leshawna barked as Colin made his way to the DDR stage. "Someone throw something at him, I implore you!"
But the remaining cups people had weren't enough to stop the determined Colin, even as they bonked him on the head and back. He stomped his way to a high score, though it wasn't as high as Katie's.
"Yeah, we gonna be driving a Hummer or a monster truck for sure," he cheered.
"I think we outvote you, four to one, jackass," Leshawna snarled.
"Actually," Chris spoke up, that one word sending a shiver down Leshawna's spine, "the dancer gets to pick the car."
"Oh man," she growled as Colin danced around, chanting proudly how he was the best.
Team six took a little while to debate it, since most of the members insisted they were excellent DDR players. They finally decided on Hannah, who promised that she did it often and to be fair on her car choice. When she danced on the stage, she did rather well, except for a slip-up near the end.
"Sorry guys," she apologized as she headed back. "I tripped up a little."
"Aw, that's okay," Lindsay cooed, hugging her teammate.
(Janitor's Closet - Dance to the music!)
Mandy - \She rolls her eyes.\ "Typical. Those Christians just aren't cut out for hard stuff like DDR. Us cultists, we would sacrifice our neighbor for that skill! She's gonna bring down our team, I know it."
Howard - "I love it when girls do DDR, but Hannah was wearing a modest blouse. If only Lindsay or Mandy had gone..." \he snaps his fingers in regret\
Jasmine - "Oh, the horrors of the heavens above, our religious girl didn't do that well! And she'll pick something awful! Would Jesus drive a Hummer? I don't like riding in big cars!"
"Team seven," Chris called out, "who are you going to have-"
There was a blur of orange and green, and Izzy was very suddenly on the stage. She began to dance like a real maniac, a maniac on the floor, and she was dancing like no one had seen her dance before.
"I really wanted to do that challenge," Carol whined.
"Me too," Owen groaned.
"Perspiration makes my face look wrinkled," Justin stated.
"Oh stop whining," Arthur snapped at his teammates, "Izzy did well, and we should be grateful for that."
"She also gets to pick the vehicle," Justin pointed out.
"Son of a fricking bi-"
"Team eight," Chris called out, "it's time for you guys! Which of you will step up?"
The five members exchanged glances, Courtney taking charge. "I'm guessing Geoff or Daisy would be good choices," she said, "so... Geoff, you want to?"
"You mean it?" Geoff shouted. "Hot-diggity-dog, I'd love to!"
"But I've played loads of DDR," Daisy protested. "I can beat songs on Heavy."
"So can Geoff, so he tells me," Courtney said. "C'mon, Daisy, it's for the good of the team." Neither Joel nor Belinda protested. Daisy narrowed her eyes angrily at the CIT.
(Janitor's Closet - Dancing queen!)
Courtney - "It's nothing personal against her, I know Daisy could be very good at DDR. But I saw the way she was looking at that Hummer. It'd hurt my political career if I was seen in one of those."
Daisy - \her arms crossed\ "I know what this is about. Courtney's trying to get Geoff to forgive her for voting him off so early last season. This ain't about alliances and reputation... okay, I guess it is, but still! How dare she deny me my tomboyish desires!"
Geoff did really well on DDR, even Daisy had to admit. She was still a little sulky when her team celebrated.
"Okay, last but not least," Chris announced over the cheering, "it's team nine's turn! Who's going?"
The four teammates looked at each other. Anita cleared her throat and said, "Well guys, I could if need be, but actually, I'd really not like to."
"Why not?" Cody asked her.
"Because this stupid tube top I have to wear for the show," Anita said, stretching said top on the side before snapping it back, "is not right for playing DDR!"
"Why?" Rodney asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
Anita blushed slightly and turned away. "Um, it's just not right, sweetheart. So which of you boys are good at it?"
"I do have mad skills in DDR," Harold said, cracking his knuckles. "Last season, I proved I was really good-"
"I wanna do it," Rodney exclaimed, leaping up. "Please oh please oh please!"
"I was gonna do it, gosh," Harold exclaimed. "Have you even played DDR?"
"Yes, yes I have! I'm really, really good at it! I swear!"
"How good?"
Rodney and Harold continued to discuss it, but the other two weren't listening much. Anita was embarrassed and trying to avoid the hopeful leers of some of the boys; Cody was distracted by her being distracted.
"Is it normally this bad?" he asked her.
"No, not really. I have my favorite jacket and I dress not like a hooker at school," she said, "but I guess it isn't that bad."
"Well, you are pretty hot," Cody said with a sly (or what he was trying to aim for as sly) grin. "And it's a shame to not show off that cute belly button piercing you got."
Anita giggled, flushing a little at the attention. Eva overheard it and snarled, looking at Anita furiously and trying to resist the urge to use Yoshi's sword, which she was still holding.
Harold cleared his throat, catching the attention of his two teammates. "After careful consideration," he said, "I have decided to let Rodney do this."
"You sure?" Cody asked.
"Yes, I believe he has mad skills in this too, and deserves a chance to show them."
Rodney cheered in delight, and ran to the DDR stage. Fastening his chin strap again, he licked his lips and waited.
"Try to not get hurt, kid," Chris suggested. "You did sign a waiver, but I'm sure your mom would kill me nonetheless."
The song started, and Rodney's little feet became a blur. The young boy spun around as he danced, throwing his hands around. He laughed and hopped from foot to foot.
And he was hitting every step with a Perfect.
Everyone's jaw dropped as they watched, and the prodigy child continued to amaze. Though he got a few Marvelous and Great points, it was mostly Perfects. Soon the song was over, and the kid posed.
"Oh, I think I beat my old score for this song," he cheered as he watched the numbers go up in the final tally. "Yay!"
There was stunned silence, and then wild applause. He was so surprised, he grabbed his helmet and let out a frightened yip, then realized it was positive. Rodney blushed and scratched the back of his head.
"He's got mad dancing skills, and he's adorable," Harold cheered. "And he's on my team! Booyah, suckers!"
(Janitor's Closet - Dance to the music!)
Rodney - \still scratching the back of his head, giggling nervously\ "Well, I took up DDR as part of my exercise routine, and it kind of branched off from that. If there is a score, I get a little carried away. I hope I didn't embarrass anyone."
Heather - "Now why can't my little brother be like that!?"
Bridgette - "Isn't he just the cutest! Oh, I just want to pick him up and hug him tight! His parents must be so proud!"
Noah - \unamused frown\ "Well then. Little Rodney decided to show off a little? This rivalry can only get worse, my small friend. I might step up a notch too."
"Okay, here are the results," Chris said as he scribbled on a clipboard. "From first to last, team nine, seven, four, eight, five, six, three, two, and one. Rodney, you pick first."
"Oh, I know what I want," Rodney shouted in delight. I want the jeep!"
"Then it's yours!"
"Yey," he squealed, and ran over to the jeep and gave it a hug. "I love jeeps."
"I was hoping he'd pick the race car," Cody said to his teammates, "but I doubt we could handle that."
"Next is team seven, and Izzy?"
"I want the semi," the redhead roared, pumping her fists into the air.
Arthur and Justin face palmed. Carol looked at the giant vehicle and shrugged. "Maybe we can fit Owen back there?"
"Team four, you're next," said Chris.
Katie opened her mouth, then something seized her ankles. It was her boyfriend, Noah. "Please oh please oh please," he shouted pleadingly. "Not the beetle! Not the beetle!"
"But Noah," she whined, "it's so to my liking, and Sadie's!"
"We're not here for personality or your own car, this is a contest!"
Katie tapped her lips. "You know, you have a point! You are really smart, I should know. Chris, I want the race car!"
"You sure?" Chris asked over the groan of the other contestants. "Okay then!"
"Oh thank you," Noah scrambled to his feet and hugged his girlfriend. Then another harsh reality hit him, and he gripped her shoulders. "Wait, can you drive that thing?"
"No problem!"
"Oh, she so can," Sadie said, clapping her hands, "her grandma taught her how to drive, and she drives like a NASCAR driver!"
"How comforting," Noah grumbled.
"Team eight, and Geoff," Chris said. "Your turn!"
"Dude," Geoff exclaimed, "I want the Hummer!"
Courtney gasped, then face palmed, cursing under her breath. Joel patted her shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I can fix it if it has troubles."
"Mechanical issues weren't my worry," the CIT growled.
"Booyah," Daisy cheered, hugging Geoff. Belinda giggled at her teammates reactions.
"Team five," Chris said, "and that means Colin. What do you pick?"
"Well, since Geoff took the hum-vee," Colin said, "I have no choice but to take the monster truck!"
Sakaki whimpered and hid behind Sebastian, as if she feared the truck itself. Leshawna face palmed, and Sebastian let out a heavy sigh. Beth looked at the mammoth truck and asked, "Where do you keep the spare for one of those things?"
"Next is team six. Hannah, which of the remaining vehicles do you want?"
The religious girl tapped her chin as she looked at the four vehicles. "I'm going to have to say that bus, Chris."
"Aww, why?" Lindsay whined. "It might smell bad like my school bus did."
"Because that way, there is more room for everyone," Hannah said with a smile. "I want you all to be comfortable, and not have to sit on anyone's lap."
"But I wouldn't mind sitting in Tyler's lap..."
"What's this about sitting on each other's laps?" Howard asked, looking excited.
Hannah sighed and shook her head. Mandy narrowed her eyes at the blond girl and scoffed. "You're really not scoring any points, blonde," she muttered.
"Team three, your choice," Chris said, "or more specifically, Zachary."
"There's no way I'm taking that pink freak, and the six seater seems overdoing it," he remarked, "so I'll take the hybrid."
"I cannot believe it took that long for that one to be picked," Bridgette muttered to herself. "People should be more open to hybrids!"
"I hate that shade of purple," Valerie whispered to Zachary.
"I don't mind. It's kind of pimp," he said with a chuckle.
"Team two, which of the two cars left do you want?" Chris said. "Your choice, DJ."
"Well, we obviously need the room, so I want the six-seater," he said with a casual shrug.
"Good point," Chris said. He looked at team one, and grinned sadistically at them. "Well then, since you guys came in last, you are stuck with the last car! Which is..."
(Team 1 - Duncan, Eva, Xander, Yoshi)
The four stared at the bright pink Volkswagen Beetle. The brightest of pink except for the black, collapsible top (which would not be coming down, of course), it seemed to mock them with its pinkness.
"Sucks to be you," Colin shouted from afar, cackling wickedly.
Xander flipped him off, then looked back at the others. Yoshi was rubbing his forehead, his eye twitching. Duncan was grinding his teeth. Eva was shaking with indignant rage.
"I ask you guys," Yoshi said, "to kill me so that I do not have to ride in this thing, nor drive it."
"I want you guys to kill me," Eva snapped, "so that I'm not even seen in this thing!"
"I will pay you guys to kill me," Duncan offered, "so that I am not seen inside this thing."
"I guess this means," Xander spoke up, "that I am driving?"
(Janitor's Closet - Have some fun, fun, fun!)
Xander - "I may have a license, but I don't think I want to be driving that thing! Oh, Colin, I'll make you pay!"
Crystal - "This six-seater won't be too bad. I wonder if I can talk to Gwen and Trent about their relationship, or Bridgette about hers, or to Alfred and DJ about who they might like! Wow, this is going to be fun, yay!"
Ezekiel - "Heather tells me a hybrid is a car that takes electricity and gas. That's rather interesting, but how can we get an extension cord that long fur whenever we stop fur gas, eh? Will the gas station allow us to use a spare socket, eh?"
Clive - "Driving in a race car with Katie or Sadie behind the wheel? Oh man, those two are so scatterbrained, I'm gonna have my brains scattered. Not the way I wanted to go, but then again, I didn't really want to be picky..."
Leshawna - "What makes Colin think he can get away with this? If we lose this contest, I don't care if someone else crashes the truck, he's history!"
Lindsay - "I know Montana meant well, but I really didn't mind be snuggled up with Tyler and the other girls. Plus, Howie seems nice and keen to help out. Dad warned me that Christian girls were bad, should I be concerned?"
Izzy - "Who da queen of da road? Izzy! Go Izzy-Racer, go Izzy-Racer go!"
Joel - "I don't mind saying how I like the Hummer. It's a mechanical dream come true, all those gadgets and power and such an awesome design! Maybe if they make a hybrid hum-vee, people wouldn't complain." \His eyes go wide, and he writes this idea down on a pad of paper."
Rodney - \singing\ "Jeeps, jeeps, jeeps!
They ain't for creeps, they're for us peeps!
We drive all day, across pavement and clay,
for we own a jeep, we go beep-beep,
and when people ask us why we're so deep,
we'll tell them that we drive a jee-eeeeeeeeep!"
\He giggles and blushes as he looks back at the camera.\ "I made that up just now."
--
--
--
So which of the nine teams will get to the rest stop tomorrow first? Who will be forced to sleep in their car?
What will happen along the way? New friends and romances, maybe? Bitter rivalries?
And are the members of team one going to kill each other before being seen in that car?
(The Teams)
Team 1 - Duncan, Eva, Yoshi, Xander (Pink Bug)
Team 2 - Trent, Gwen, Bridgette, DJ, Crystal, Alfred (Six Seater)
Team 3 - Heather, Ezekiel, Valerie, Zachary (Hybrid)
Team 4 - Katie, Sadie, Noah, Clive (Race Car)
Team 5 - Leshawna, Sebastian, Sakaki, Colin, Beth (Monster Truck)
Team 6 - Lindsay, Jasmine, Hannah, Mandy, Howard, Tyler (Small Bus)
Team 7 - Owen, Izzy, Arthur, Carol, Justin (Semi-Truck)
Team 8 - Geoff, Courtney, Joel, Belinda, Daisy (Hummer)
Team 9 - Cody, Anita, Rodney, Harold (Jeep)
During scene changes, you will be informed who's on the team so you don't have to keep double-checking.
Next - The first half of the drive, complete with peril!