A/N: Thanks to my wise friend D for giving me some insight to these past couple of chapters, though I don't think I successfully followed her advice. :-)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A Guiding Heart:

Grey's Anatomy

I had rounds with Carlisle then researched in his office as usual that night, staring at the phone, hoping it would ring and be Edward. Then I found myself daydreaming of him showing up in the hospital for his condition. What was wrong with me?

Once my shift was over, Alice and Esme cornered me about doing a wedding planning trip to look at exotic flowers. I was pretty sure they were just trying to distract me. When we returned in the afternoon, I took one more run through the park, looking for Edward. I spotted him briefly. He was being delivered coffee by a woman who led him through another area of the park. What is that she's doing? Every time she laughed, she held onto his shoulder like she needed to brace herself to keep from spilling her coffee. But hell, she laughs at everything! I heard him saying how strong the coffee was and how that was perfect to get his heart going. And there she was laughing. And then . . .her hair . . . her long blonde hair suddenly needed flipping. I rolled my eyes. "It's the strongest roast they had," I heard her tell him, adding in, "just for you!" Her phone rang and she excused herself to take it. It was so simple to marvel at the easy pace of Edward's heart despite the caffeine he was drinking. He stopped, looking around him. His hand slightly covered his heart before Ms. Zippity Doo Dah was back saying she needed to head back to handle a few things at her office. Edward shook her hand politely and thanked her for making the time to come by. She handed him her card with a wink and strutted away in her 4-inch heels. Ugh! At least she didn't invite him over for dinner. That was all the spying I could take today. Knowing he was fine satisfied me, and I headed out, texting Charlie to see if this would be a good night for a visit.

When the answer back from Charlie was yes, I stopped for supplies to make a ham dinner with macaroni and cheese and picked him up a pie. Charlie wasn't home yet when I arrived at the house, so I threw together the dinner quickly and put in it the oven before I headed up to my room. As I looked around, I realized Charlie was never going to make any changes to it or get around to cleaning. I spied the desk and decided to avoid it, instead retrieving the vacuum cleaner from downstairs and running it through the whole house. Once I was done, I found myself back in my room.

Maybe I'll look through some of my medical texts.

A quick glance over at the desk threw me. I wasn't going to go into that drawer. Oh fuck! I was standing in front of the desk already, opened up the bottom drawer and looked for the key ring. I dug through to the bottom until finally...found it! A picture of Justin and I going down the log flume, set in an old scratched and dulled plastic holder that I had to hold up to the light and look down into. My mouth is wide open from screaming. Justin's arms are around me. He looked cool. He always looked cool.

I opened the window and pulled my arm back with the key chain in my hand, ready to chuck out into the sky but . . . Ugh. Nope. Couldn't do it. Instead the memory overtook me.

It had been a normal summer day at work but I was ready to clock out for the day and head home for dinner. Mark and Geoff had tried their best to get me to say I would be back later for 'employee night' as I left my shift. One night each summer, the park closed early to the usual customers and stayed open in limited capacity to the employees. "Everyone goes. And the managers are the ones that have to operate everything. You have to go," Mark pleaded. "Go with me."

It never occurred to me that Mark was asking me to go as his date. I turned to Geoff and asked, "Are you going?" to which he replied that he was. "Okay then, I'll check with Jessica. Where should we meet up with you guys?"

"By the fountain," Mark said. "Around 9 pm."

When I returned to the park later that evening with Jessica, she ditched me all too quickly because she was supposed to meet Andy in the office. There was no way I was going to ask what went on in that office. So I dropped her off, then made my way back to the employee in the large tree-lined lot. As I walked quickly and approached the parking spots closest to the sidewalk area, there he was, leaning back on his motorcycle holding out a cigarette, looking at his phone. It had only been a few days since he had seen me smoking. This time I made my way over to him.

"Hey," I said. "Sorry I still haven't made it down to your area of the park."

"Just-Bella. I wondered if you would be here tonight."

"Are you leaving for the day or . . . "

"Yeah. I wasn't planning on staying but if you promised me a few rides, then I guess I'd have to stay." He took the last drag off of his cigarette then stomped it out with his boot against the pavement.

"Sure. What rides did you have in mind?"

"Hmmm...well for one the log flume then, I don't know. I've always wanted to ride the Ferris wheel with a pretty girl once it is..."

"All lit up," I smiled at him and checked my watch. Jess and I had gotten here early and oh my God did he just call me pretty?

"Yeah."

"Well I have to meet up with some of my coworkers in a little bit, but we could go in now. That'll leave you some time to go find a pretty girl."

"I meant you, just-Bella." He hopped off his bike. "Lead the way."

I had to bring it up. "I never get a chance to see Alicia or Lauren since taking the position at the games stand."

"Well get used to it. Alicia took a job inside the office and Lauren got fired."

"Fired? What for? Oh sorry, maybe that's none of my business. I know you two are. . .uhhh. . .close."

"Close?" He laughed. "Yeah, I had a feeling that maybe you got the wrong idea about me and her that night of the party."

"What idea should I have gotten?"

We walked through the park, flashing our ID badges to get past the gates, heading toward the log flume. As we approached a small alcove in the park that housed a bench, he sat down, patting the seat next to me. "Lauren liked to make a show out of throwing herself at me. I'm a guy, I didn't shut it down. She was friendly with my sister, but . . ."

"It's okay. I get it." I had to stop him before he got too far with his confession. I honestly didn't want to hear about how big the Lauren and Justin show got. She had made it quite clear just how much she wanted him.

"I haven't even seen her since she got fired."

"Why did she get fired?"

"She had a couple of no-shows. There's a lot you can get away with while working at this place, but that's not one of them."

"And why did Alicia take an office job?"

"My sister? She's smart, like you, just-Bella. She wants to keep the books for the family business someday and took a job doing payroll in the office. She needs the experience to get a scholarship to go to school. Selling hot chocolate wasn't going to look that great on her applications."

We took the long way through the park, and somewhere along the way as the darkness had settled in the sky but the colorful lights that decorated the rides danced around us, Justin took my hand and helped to lead me along the path as if I didn't know my way. As we passed by the Icee stand where we had first met, he gently yanked on my hand, until we were behind the small building, away from the lights.

"What are we doing?" I laughed with bright eyes.

"Having a smoke," he replied, "to celebrate where we first met."

"But I left my cigarettes in the car."

"Don't worry. There's a little knot hole in the back of this stand where I keep some cigarettes stashed."

He swung a loose board sideways from the bottom part of the small building where we had met and pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. "And look at this." He held up the blue lighter. "I wanted it to be here when you finally came to collect it." I let him light my cigarette and we both smoked, remarking how the air had gotten chilly. We laughed as he told me stories about his high school, including stupid pranks he had played on his teacher. As we finished, he blew smoke in my face and leaned in to kiss me sending tingles all the way through me that settled into my cheeks as blush and clouded my ears. He perfected the kiss with an ending peck on my nose, and just as I was about to lean in to kiss him all over again, he smirked and began to whisper words that were interrupted by the loudspeaker on the pole above us.

"Welcome to Employee Night! We have a fantastic...Mmmm...night in store...Oh God...for everyone in appreciation...Jess..." It was Andy's voice, but the announcement ended abruptly. Justin and I laughed, not believing what had just happened.

"Yeah, I think I'll tell Alicia to make sure she hoses down her desk tomorrow." Our cigarettes were out, and he took my hand in his firmly. "Maybe we'll have to continue this on the Ferris wheel later."

~x~

I was so deep in the memory that I didn't hear Charlie's car pull up to the house. "Hey kiddo, I'm home. Are you here?" Charlie called from just inside the door.

"Be right down!"

Charlie fixed his plate after I pulled dinner from the oven. He took two bites and acted like he was famished and in heaven.

"So what's up, kiddo?"

"Nothing's up."

Charlie put his fork down and wiped at his mustache with a napkin. "Come on, you're sitting here watching me eat. You never do that. Something on your mind, Bells?"

"Uhh, well, it's not something. It's someone."

"A guy? You're here to talk to me about a guy. Huh. You're not getting married or anything are you?"

"No, Dad."

"Good. So then what's the problem?"

"Dad, I'm different now. And he's different from me. And everything just seems so . . . concentrated around us. Like a dense fog to get through for it to work. He's not even from around here. He's from Chicago and one of these days he'll be going back there."

"But you like him? And he likes you?"

"Yes."

"Well, Bella, two consenting single adults having a fling isn't unheard of, even here in the Pacific Northwest. Some mature adults have even been known to make a go out of a long-distance relationship. Though you wanna make sure the absence makes the heart grow fonder and not get into a out of sight, out of mind thing." Charlie heaved a heavy sigh. "Why your old dad has had a fling or two over the years. If we all obsessed over the end of a relationship, we'd never start them to begin with, don't you think? Hell, half the people in the world -maybe more- wouldn't even bother getting married. I'm sure I wouldn't have. You take it moment by moment, day by day. And if an end comes to be, you deal with it, and it just becomes part of your story."

"Part of your story, Dad?"

"Yeah, everyone's got a story to their life, uhh ... like a book, but no one's been promised a happily ever after. You especially, honey, have gotten a second chance. Don't waste it. Fill the pages of your story with living your life and if that means you get a good chapter and a few pages of heartbreak, so be it. You know years ago, I had a fling with Billy Black's sister, Lana. It was not long after your mother and I were divorced. She was younger than me and had just come home from college. To her people, it didn't seem like a great idea. Billy kept a watchful eye on her, but the two of us both found ourselves eating alone one night down at the diner so I asked her to join me. It was summertime, and I knew she was heading off to graduate school at the end of August, but in the moment I couldn't have cared less. We had an ease with each other that I've never forgotten."

"Wow, Dad, I never knew. What happened?"

"Well, we could have denied something was there and kept our distance but it felt too exciting between us not to, so we tried to keep things on the down low, you know, but I guess one night Jacob spotted us when we were in line at the movie theater. He was just a kid then and alerted Billy to seeing us."

God-damned Jacob Black!

"Billy came down pretty hard on us. Gave her the speech about me having been married already and divorced and her needing to be responsible to her family and focused on her schooling."

"So what happened?"

"I caved. Lana and I parted ways and I wished her well in school. Of course, she met some guy at graduate school and lives out in California in a big fancy house. I'm sure she has more than I could ever give her."

"Were you mad at Billy?"

"Not really. I was more so mad at your mother. It was the first time I had to take a look at myself and realize who the new Charlie Swan was - a labeled divorcee and father at a young age. I thought I was the same old Charlie Swan, but I wasn't. I was different."

"Oh Dad, no..."

"It's okay. I figured it out back then, and I can sit here and talk to you about it because its part of who I am. And you're so grown up. When'd you get so old?" We both laughed. "Different isn't necessarily a bad thing. So tell your Dad what this guy's like."

"He's . . ." A smile grew across my face. "He's a bit of a mystery still to me, but he's ruggedly handsome and an athlete."

"Well I already like him better than Eric," he deadpanned.

"Dad!"

"What, that kid had no interest in watching a football game. Okay, what else?"

"He has a medical condition, but I can't really discuss it with you. That's basically how I met him, in the hospital."

"And you're sure it's not like a Florence Nightingale syndrome, or is that too old school? Maybe its more like a Grey's Anatomy plot line."

"Dad!" I laughed so much my belly hurt, "You're killing me! Tell me you do not watch that show!"

Charlie shrugged.

"No, it's not like that. I sort of had a run-in with him before the actual hospital meeting. Well, we both kind of had a missed run-in with each other."

"Then it sounds like fate to me, and by the look of that smile on your face, something about it feels like fate to you. Anything else you want to tell me about him?"

"I don't know that much yet, just that he's only in the area on business. And he told me that he wants to get to know me more."

"Sounds like a good place to start, if you ask me, which is why you're here isn't it? To ask me?" Charlie was devouring his dinner, and I sensed that he was ready to go sit in his chair in front of the television. As a human, I would have referred to it as Charlie's habit. As a vampire, there was more to it. I could sense the synapses going off in him, the full belly needing to digest, and the exhaustion of the day catching up to him. I gave him a slice of pie and encouraged him to move to the recliner with it while I packed him a lunch for tomorrow. The kitchen was cleaned up when I realized I had the key chain in my pocket. I told Charlie I was going to my room to put something back.

I opened the third drawer, looping the key chain around one finger continuously as I dazed into a memory.

I had done my best to avoid him for weeks after my graduation party and after seeing him with his girlfriend, his just-Becca. Barf! The park had been so busy every day that Jess and I determined we needed some girl time during our shared ride home that day, deciding to stop and get pizza from the same place Justin had taken me to. The same waitress was working. Joy.

"So what's going on between you and Marc?" Jess asked.

"Nothing. He's just a friend."

"A friend you hooked up with at your party."

"That's because I was drunk. Marc is a nice guy, but I just don't like him in that way."

"Does he know?"

I nodded yes.

"It hasn't been weird working with him or anything. Mostly because he changed shifts and his days off."

"Oh my God, don't look at who just walked in."

"Jay!" I heard the annoying waitress appear out of nowhere. "How are you?"

"Shit! Is his girlfriend with him?" I asked, not ready to see them together again.

"No. Don't turn around. He's taking a seat at the counter. His back is to us. Are you going to go talk to him?"

"No. Let's just finish our pizza and go."

Jess excused herself to use the bathroom, and that's when Justin slid into the booth.

"Did anyone ask you to join me? Where's your girlfriend?"

"Just-Bella . . ."

"Don't call me that!" I replied looking around for the waitress so we could get our check.

"I know you're mad at me, but I can explain. Some of it anyway." His voice was gentle and even keel. "If you give me the chance."

"You had your chance. I thought you liked me. I was wrong. You moved on."

"Just-Bella I do like you. You don't understand some things that went on." (In the next moment things happened that left me scarred forever.) The door opened and a pack of guys must have shuffled in. Justin looked up then cursed under his breath. The waitress was standing there with our check, and Jess was trying to run interference for me. I looked over to see Jacob Black standing there, with his La Push buddies, their eyes burning into us.

"Hey dollface," Justin said the to waitress. "What time do you get off work tonight? Maybe we can catch a movie."

What! Why was he doing this? In front of me?

"Sure, I'd love to, Jay!" she replied all perky, tossing her ponytail from side to side.

"Great, then I'll be back to pick you up later." He winked at her as she slipped the bill onto the table.

"Don't mind me," I muttered, "or your girlfriend wherever she is right now." I counted out the money from my purse and left it on the table, standing up just as Jacob Black approached me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Hey Bella, this guy isn't bothering you is he?"

"No," I said, looking over and realizing Jess was at the door waiting for me, waving me over to get the hell out of there.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah Jake, he's far from bothering me. And I was just leaving."

"Why don't you and Jess stay? We'll put a couple of tables together and you can sit with us."

"No, Charlie is expecting me."

"Okay then," he looked Justin up and down threateningly, "be sure to tell Charlie I said hi."

I nodded slightly.

"Bella . . ." Justin placed his hand on my wrist as I turned away. "You know what you need to do Bella? Just go off to college, become a fancy doctor, and forget about me."

My new body wanted desperately to shed tears as I felt all the pain from that day, from those moments, all over again. Forget about him, huh? Wish I could have. Any other newbie vampire would have. "You know what Justin? I should have done that a long, long time ago. There's nothing here worth holding onto anymore," I told myself quietly. With that, the contents of the third drawer were dumped into a wastebasket by my desk. Pictures. Name tags. Employee of the month certificate. Park maps and schedules. All of it. Done. That was how my past played out and it was gone now. I had a future to look forward to. Maybe with Edward Masen. Maybe with ten other human guys. Maybe with a vampire. I didn't know. All I knew is that one of the few real blessings about this new life, was being given a fresh start to make new choices. If Aunt Tanya was right, I had the odds stacked in my favor, and I was ready to embrace it all.

After closing the window securely, I flashed down the stairs without Charlie seeing me before announcing I was back.

"Ahh, there you are, Bells. So, did you decide what you are going to do about this Edward fellow?"

"Yeah, Dad," I stood behind his recliner and secured an arm around Charlie, carefully patting the back of the warm flannel he was wearing, "I'm going to let him be part of my story."

"Good. Don't forget your dear old Dad would like to meet him."

~x~ ~x~ ~x~

"Come on, Bella, you're ready to do this," Alice said while winking at Jasper, the three of us sitting in the living room.

"Am I?" I countered. I had already made my decision about Edward, but for some reason, I needed Alice or Jasper to talk me into it. Or out of it.

"Bella, I felt that nostalgia that night I returned the lighter to you. It was powerful. If that kind of emotion was triggered by hearing Edward Masen's heartbeat, then that's not something you can just ignore. Is it?"

"I know, but Jasper don't you understand? Edward Masen isn't part of my past. The nostalgia I felt wasn't for him. It was for someone else. Isn't it incredibly unfair to pursue Edward based on that?"

"Bella, why do you think this ability to manipulate other's feelings that I have is so powerful? Humans try to separate and categorize feelings into happy, sad, angry, and hurt but the truth is, on the inside, people can't really do that. Feelings are like these little revolving doors that go off in us that are attached to memories, so if his heartbeat affected you in a certain way, whatever you felt was sure to tap into something else you knew. That's how our mind and heart tries to make sense of of the information. And then, it can drive our actions. The trick, is not letting it slip you up."

"I guess. I mean, okay if you say so," I answered Jasper back, but all I could think about was the time I spent over the weekend listening to Tanya and Irina talk about their experiences. One of Aunt Tanya's final words of wisdom as we departed was about going out there and getting what I wanted.

"Besides, isn't it more than the nostalgia?"

"It sure looked like more when I brought him his lemonade out in Esme's garden," Alice teased.

It was more. And I knew now, more than ever, that I wanted Edward Masen.

"Hey now!" Jasper pointed at me. "Bella, I felt that. I kept tabs on him while you were away. He seems to like the beer down at Donohue's Bar & Grill. I'm available to go check the place out if you care to tonight."

"Yes, take Jasper! He will be an excellent wingman!" Alice beamed.

"Where else did he go over the weekend?"

"Let's see. He spent a couple of hours in the mall. And some time at his hotel on their computer. And he made a stop into the Yankee Candle shop over in the Port Angeles Square."

"Really at Yankee Candle? Did he buy anything?"

"Not that I saw."

"Oh, and he must baby that car of his because he took it to some specialty shop all the way in Port Townsend just to get its oil changed and then spent some time down at La Push, of all places. Are you sure you know what you are getting into with this guy?"

"No, I have no idea what I'm getting into," I smiled because the mystery of him was an exciting thought, "but in all fairness, neither does he. Look, promise me that you won't use any Jasper special vibes on him, okay? I want honesty from him, and I don't want anything hindering or helping his feelings when I see him."

"Except alcohol," he smiled. "Because that's way more acceptable than my mojo?"

"In this case? Yes."

"Always determined to undermine me," Jasper scrunched his nose.

"Okay, well you can hit him with one quick hit that will make him feel drunker than he is."

Jasper grinned. "It'll be like he downed a shot that knocked him on his ass."

"No, not that! Keep it on half power."

Alice wished me good luck.

~~At the bar~~

Despite the crowd that had gathered and the familiar pitch of the clinking of glasses, I could hear his heart beating the minute Jasper opened the door of Donohue's. A long old wooden bar lined the left side of the wall, with small green booths on the opposing side. I looked down the middle aisle to see him in the back by the round black bar-height tables and dart boards.

"Ut oh, I think we've been spotted," Jasper said to me. "And it's fair to say he's a bit riled up at the site of us."

Edward shook his head and took a long pull from his beer. We made our way through the crowd slowly. Sizing up Jasper, as we approached, Edward visibly pushed his tongue against the inside of his upper lip before stating, ¨I guess I know now why you've been too busy to call.¨

¨Hi,¨ I said timidly, listening as the sound of his heartbeat grew louder and louder. Was it more melodic?

Jasper extended his thinly-gloved hand out to Edward. ¨Hi, I'm Jasper. I believe you've met my fiancee, Alice.¨

Edward hesitated, looking to Bella with narrowed eyes, before taking Jasper's hand and shaking it firmly. ¨Yes, I have. Congratulations on your engagement. She's . . . umm . . .¨

¨Spirited?" Jasper asked with a coy smile to which Edward smiled in relief. "You have no idea just how much! Why don't I get us a round. What are you drinking?" Edward told him the name of a beer on tap and Jasper nodded in acknowledgment, leaving me standing there wondering if I was going to be able to work up the nerve to pull off the advice the Denali clan had given me.

"Jasper and I were just out to get a bite to eat over at . . ." I trailed off. I wasn't sure if he was listening to me.

¨So, how have you been?¨ he asked me with a sharpness to his voice as I slid into a bar-height chair behind an empty table, yanking off my coat.

Jasper returned with a pitcher and poured out three glasses, handing the first off to Edward.

¨I've been...well, it's been a long week," I said honestly. "How have you been?¨

Jasper excused himself to go out and smoke, which meant he gets away with not drinking in public, but not before messing slightly, and intentionally, with Edward's equilibrium. I saw the gauzy look in Jasper's eyes and knew he had done his magic.

"Me?" Edward pulled three darts out of the board and stood back far enough away to throw them, missing the center target all three times. He cursed after the last dart didn't make it and stumbled slightly. ¨Just peachy,¨ he said sarcastically, reaching for his glass from the table and then downing the rest of his beer. He looked down at the glass in his hand before placing it back down, suddenly stunning me as he looked across the table at me with those piercing green eyes of his. ¨I thought you said you wanted to see me,¨ he said with a mix of accusation and punishment to his tone.

¨I-...I do.¨ I poured him another beer, which he took and stood still, challenging me with a dubiously harsh, "You do?" he asked incredulously. "I called you,¨ he said adamantly with a shaking of his shoulders before he lifted the glass to his lips and swigged more beer.

His heart was reacting a bit frenzied.¨I know,¨ I responded gently, my right thumb and forefinger twisting around a piece of my hair nervously.

¨You didn't call back. In my book, that equals you blowing me off.¨ He finished his beer, placing the glass back down before collecting the darts from the target and taking aim again, cursing as he missed the center with each throw. I could see the uneven, staggered path of each dart through the air after it released from his hand. "So what are you doing here?"

¨I didn't mean for it to seem that way, Edward. Things just got really confusing for me, but I'm here now.¨

He moved around the table, his eyes stalking me as he approached me. "So...you're not blowing me?" he asked as he cradled my cheek in his hand, before adding with a chuckle, "Off."

I looked around at the other patrons and listened for sounds from the back of the bar. Grabbing his hand with both of mine, I nodded toward the back, leading him. He followed easily, with no protest, past the restrooms until we found ourselves in the back of a locked stockroom, that I broke into without him noticing. The feel of his skin just in my hand was enough to ignite feelings of how much I longed for him.

He stopped just inside the door, his fingers wrapping around my hands, clutching them to his chest as he inhaled deeply, before bringing them up to his lips. ¨I'm so twisted over you. My heart's been going berserk without you. And now you make it all go away . . .¨

¨Just your heart?¨I unfairly taunted, knowing the blood was rushing through his body.

In a barely lit stockroom...BAM...I had him slammed up against a stack of boxes in the corner in a too-quick vampire movement. Clanging ran out as bottles shook within their boxes. My ostentatious advance could have been a little quieter. I drew his hands up to the level of his chin, pinning his wrists against the boxes as I sealed my lips to his. He tasted delicious. The flavor of beer and a hint of sweetness accented by his natural orange and outdoorsy smell and his blood seized all of my senses. Without any hesitation on his part, our mouths were joined, his lips moving fervently with mine. There was no room for error. I willed myself to stay in control.

¨I missed all of you,¨ he said through gritted teeth before throwing himself back into the kiss, claiming as much of my mouth as he humanly could. My hands moved up from his wrists, allowing our fingers to intertwine, but he grasped them tightly, pushing against my palms. I moved my body closer to him, my chest jutted into his as I teased him with kisses across his face before dipping my head down to lick his outstretched neck, swirling my tongue at the base of his throat, testing myself to the limit. ¨Oh God, Bella...this ...you...you make me feel...so good. You have...no idea...just how good...¨

I wasn't even doing anything to him yet, just enjoying him while I successfully passed my own tests.

This was going to be too easy.

Aunt Tanya was right. I really was a fucking goddess now!

A/N:

Hmm, what was Edward doing in Yankee Candle?

Ooh, what do we think of Justin now?