Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Anyone trying to steal my characters will be used by Mandy as sacrifices to Cthulhu, buahaha.
Lyrics from "Indestructible" are from Disturbed and their recording company; it's such an awesome song too.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - There's male humor abound here, so I apologize if you are female; and boy, does that sound wrong!
Also, I should warn you all of a couple things. One, I'll be writing another short, mature story like "Love Ain't Easy, It's Ezzy," only a different girl with our lucky Ezekiel. Two, the updates will be slower, as the terrible ordeal known as "real life" is getting very busy for me.
Chapter 11 - Crying Wolf-Courtney
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(The Nerds)
Carol sighed and reached up with her finger to her nose, then stopped when the crowd groaned loudly. "Will you boogers stop watching me pick my boogers?"
She stopped when she heard footsteps in the wall behind her, and she grinned. "More chickens for the plucking," she said to herself, "and I love bringing popular creeps down."
The enthusiast scaled the wall, and looked over. She was puzzled when she didn't see anyone there. "Where the chickens go?"
Xander, Anita, Valerie, and Arthur all appeared from behind corners and halls. They fired up at her violently, hitting her shoulders, helmet, and face. The goggles protected her eyes, but nothing protected her when the armor weighed her down and she crashed on the floor.
Groaning in pain, she stared up at the sky. "Damn it all to hell and back," she cursed. "How... how did they know I was here?"
Owen and Colin were heading down a corridor, talking. Actually, Owen was talking, Colin was ignoring.
"And that's when I knew Izzy was right for me," the big guy said. "It was her red hair, her fiery attitude, her awesome legs, her green panties-"
"She wears green?" Colin asked, looking interested now.
"Yeah! I think it's a pretty color."
"All right, baby," he said with a cackle. "That's hot. Do you know what colors the other girls wear?"
"Oh heck yeah," Owen said, glad to have someone to talk to about dirty subjects. "Lindsay wears pink..."
"Hot damn."
"Gwen wears black and purple."
"Sexy as hell."
"I think Sadie wears black too."
Colin scoffed. "Oh, who cares about a fat, ugly Asian chick? Who else? Oh, the skinny Asian chick, Heather! What's she got?"
Owen was thrown by this rather rude comment. He was even more thrown when paintballs whizzed by his head. "Gah! It's the enemy!"
"Shit, where?" Colin asked, turning around. A paintball "blatted" in his face, and he was knocked to the floor.
"Pounding pandas, they're coming at us," the larger teen shouted as Colin struggled to get to his feet.
"Ooo, I like pandas," Lindsay declared as she and Crystal, Sebastian, and Heather rushed forward.
Owen shrieked and shoved Colin towards them. "Shoot him, not me, he's asking about your underwear!"
The bully stumbled, then was hit with a barrage of paintballs. He collapsed to the ground like a paint-soaked sack of potatoes, while Owen managed to get away.
"Man, Oscar sure is fast when scared," Lindsay remarked.
"Heroes die but once," Sebastian said as he corrected his glasses. "Cowards die many times. He should take that to heart."
"Him too," Heather said, pointing her paintball gun at the collapsed Colin. "You been creeping around our underwear drawer, pervert?"
"Shut up," the bully grumbled. He looked up at Crystal, and sighed in frustration. "Man, why couldn't you have been wearing a skirt so I could see your-"
The British girl shot him right in the groin, pointblank.
Izzy, Hannah, and Mandy were ambushed from three sides. Mandy was screeching and thrashing around, firing and almost falling down, as the other two girls almost gave in to panic.
Tyler, Trent, and a rather loud Jasmine come from one corridor, shouting and firing paintballs. Daisy and Bridgette came barreling down another corridor, letting out amazon-like war cries. Rodney came fleeing down a third corridor, just shooting in front of him (he was the only one who didn't hit anyone).
Mandy took a great deal of shots, and fell down on the floor, shouting furious threats like, "May Hastur curse you with plagues! May Yig feast on your flesh! May Nyarlathotep... do whatever it is he does, I'm not quite sure, but I hope it hurts!"
Hannah took several shots from both behind and in front, and she felt her armor get heavy. She tried to keep her balance, but collapsed on her stomach; unfortunately for her, Mandy's back was right where her stomach was, and the wind was knocked out of her.
"Oh my God," Daisy exclaimed, hurrying over to them. "I am so sorry, Hannah! You hurt?"
"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE," Izzy shrieked as she bolted passed the others, pushing Trent to the side and almost tripping over Rodney. The popular teammates fired at her, but she was too fast and out of there.
"Damn, we lost her," Tyler cursed.
"We got these two," Jasmine said, pointing at the two fallen girls. She then grimaced and groaned, "Oh. My. God. They're on each other again."
"What was that?! What's that mean?!" Mandy spat out from underneath Hannah, whom Daisy was trying to help pull off. "You wanna come down here and say that?"
"It ain't worth it, crazy cult girl," Daisy remarked, casting a glare at Jasmine.
" 'Crazy'? That does it, you come here too! All of you!"
Mandy snapped her teeth at them, scaring Rodney; he fled behind Bridgette's leg as the cultist girl growled and tried to crawl on her belly towards them.
"I'll chew your legs off," she threatened.
(Janitor's Closet - Running away, eh?)
Carol - \bitter\ "Well, that freaking sucked. I cannot believe they cheated with Sandra's cheating guidance to eliminate me like that."
Colin - \holding an ice pack to his groin\ "Worst challenge ever... dear God, the swelling isn't going down!"
Mandy - \furious\ "Oh, in the name of Cthulhu, that was the most pitiful, unfair... Old Gods below."
Hannah - \patiently\ "God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to... oh man, I cannot stand it, that stunk!!"
"Guys, guys, guys," Joel was shouting, trying to get the nerds via the headset, but he couldn't get anyone on his team, or any other contestant. "Oh bloody She Creatures, where are the survivors? Gotta check for frequency..."
"You'll never find 'em," a voice came from his speakers. He barely recognized it, but he still managed to.
"Sandra?"
"Right, you oily, robot nerd, I know you're trying to cheat," Sandra said over the microphone. "So I used the technology up here in the announcer's booth to scramble your own transmissions."
"You... you... you... girl, you," Joel exclaimed.
She cackled. "Upset? Well, here's another shocker for you, nerd. That Christian nut you're crushing on? She just got blasted. Ha!"
Joel cursed ("Puking Puma Man!") and punched one of the steel support beams on Vera. "You won't get away with this," he shouted. "I'm not only a robot and invention expert, but I'm good with electronics! I'll hack into your hack and out hack you!"
"Go ahead and try, but the electronics up here have got to be better than your pitiful machines," she muttered. "You nerds will be wiped out."
(Janitor's Closet - Where both nerd and pop confess.)
Sandra - "I ditched Duncan when he was doing more stupid stuff to his trashy bus. It's like a metal rock wannabe bus now, what a loser. Anyway, I ditched him and came here to watch the show, and then Chris Maclean put me up in the announcer's booth to do this. Something about winning a month and a half of Chef's pay..."
\She shrugs, and then snaps a bubble of her gum at the camera.\ "Whatev's. This is perfect revenge for those stupid losers who voted me off."
Joel - "Sandra thought she was better than me because she had better technology at her hands. Well, it was a single laptop could bring down the alien mothership in Independence Day, a guy like me can defeat that bubble-blowing... bad girl! She's a Racket Girl, that one."
Ezekiel and Gwen, completely unaware of their situation, were walking down a corridor together silently. The prairie boy really wanted to strike up a conversation, but Gwen's mannerisms towards him ever since TDB began to put him off.
Finally, Ezekiel managed to gather up enough courage to say something to her since their brief exchange after seeing Eva and Cody. "So," he said (boy, everyone does use that to start a conversation), "Gwen."
"Yes, what?" she said, a little snappish.
"How... how are things, eh?"
"Whatever," the goth girl replied with a shrug. "I'm in a show I hate that I never should have signed up for a third time, probably until I miss out on college and a real career."
"Well um," he stammered, "at least you meant Trent."
"Bridgette said that to me too," Gwen muttered, looking down a nearby corridor. "I know, I love Trent and all, but still, this show is humiliating."
"There are some good sides to it too. I mean, I really like the friends I've made here, eh."
"And your girlfriend," she snapped, shooting him a glare.
He flinched, and then drummed his fingers on his paintball fun. "Um, Gwen, look. I really would like to say that-"
"Look, Ezekiel," she exclaimed. She had stopped walking and wheeled on him, startling him. "Let me get a couple things straight. I don't hate you, I actually like you, mostly because I know you're not a stupid redneck, and Bridgette's very fond of you; anyone okay with her is okay with me.
"But I will never, ever be friends with Heather. That bi... I mean, well you know how I feel about her. She's everything I hate, and I'm everything she hates. And even if I wanted things to be nice and happy with you, Zeke, she'd never allow it; she wouldn't allow you to be friends with me, and it'd damage your relationship.
"So just forget about being friends with me, because if you try, you'll just end up ruining things with your... girlfriend."
Ezekiel stood there, thunderstruck. When someone spoke up behind him, "Gee, that's harsh," he let out a horrified shout and leapt in the air, dropping his gun and gripping his toque.
"Jeepers, Gwen," Izzy said, smirking at her, "what's going on with your noggin, goth girl?"
"Izzy, it's none of your business," said goth replied.
"But it involves my Zeke," the redhead exclaimed, hugging Ezekiel around the shoulders. "He's my friend!"
"You and I aren't exactly soul sisters," Gwen grumbled, looking away.
Before Izzy could reply, the ground and air rumbled with thundering footsteps and horrified screaming. The three turned to see Owen running towards them.
"Run for your lives," Owen screamed, holding his paintball gun over his head. "They've got guns, and lots of them!"
"But we've got guns," Izzy shouted to her boyfriend. "All of God's children have guns!"
"Run for your lives," he repeated, looking at his girlfriend frantically.
In his panic, he ran past them. He was careful not to bump Izzy; however, he not only bumped Ezekiel, but he shoved him as well. The prairie boy was slammed against the wall, headfirst, and let out a whimper before falling to the ground.
"Eeek, my Zeke," Izzy shouted and ran over to her fallen friend as her boyfriend hurried off.
"That was the worst hit-and-run I've ever seen," Gwen remarked, as Izzy tried to make her unconscious, prairie friend.
(Janitor's Closet - He got Ow'ned!)
Ezekiel - \He has a bandage around his head, right under his toque.\ "Man, Owen needs to stop shoving people when he's afraid, eh. That makes to be a really nasty habit."
Izzy - "I am gonna smack Owen after this is all done! You know, I think I can get it when he pushes me towards danger, but my Zeke? My gentle Zekey? What, is he jealous? He hasn't been jealous of any of my invisible friends, though I let them go!"
Owen - "Oops. About Ezekiel and the wall and the push... did I do that?"
Izzy and Gwen were crouching next to Ezekiel, seeing if he was okay. Izzy was rubbing his head in what she thought was a soothing manner. Gwen had to bat her hands away, and get Ezekiel to the side of the corridor.
"He should be safe here," the goth girl said to Izzy.
"Yeah, in case Owen comes running back and accidentally tramples him," Izzy remarked. "That Owen, more dangerous than a crash of rhinos. And I would know, I've run with one."
Before Gwen could reply, the intercom in her helmet spat out some static. She looked frantically around until Joel's voice come from it. "Hello? Hello? Gwen?"
"Gwen, the voices in your head are so loud, I can hear them," Izzy said, gaping at her. "Wow, I thought I was the only one who had them-"
"Can you hear me?" Joel asked, his voice now in Izzy's helmet. "I'm trying to reach all of you! Getting me?"
"Got you good, Joel," Izzy said cheerfully. "Look, we're a bit busy, Ezekiel is out cold thanks to Owen! Oh, when I get my hands on that boyfriend of mine, I'm gonna-"
"Owen's been taken out, Izzy."
"... and then I'm gonna pelt him with... wait, what?"
"Quite a distance from you, Anita and Xander took him out."
"Damn it," Gwen cursed. "Well, let us know who is near us."
"No one right now, Gwen. One minute, I'm gonna try to get this to everyone, and give you the ability to talk to each other."
"That could take hours," Izzy remarked. "I mean, I tried hacking into my school's intercom, took a couple days of work, and they gave me detention when they heard me singing during last period-"
Static filled the headsets of all the remaining nerds. Eva and Cody, who were back to back, grabbed each other in their startle (then blushed and let go, Cody whistling innocently). Harold leaned up against the wall and tapped his headset, as if all was normal. Sakaki hit the ground, her hands over her head and whimpering.
Yoshi panted as he stuffed more paintballs into his gun, wiping his forehead. He had lost track of DJ and Zachary, who had managed to outrun him. "Bastards," he cursed in frustration.
"Oh, that's nice," Gwen remarked sarcastically, startling Yoshi, who was not expecting voices from his previously quiet headset.
"What what?" Yoshi exclaimed, tapping his headset. "What is going on?"
"Way to go, Joel," Izzy cheered, now all the nerds able to hear her. "I thought it would be impossible to do that, but you did it! You must teach me!"
"Maybe after the challenge, Izzy," Joel said. "Look, everyone, our team is in serious trouble. The popular kids are huddling around Rodney, I think they're planning something-"
"Joel, I appreciate this, but," Yoshi snapped, "I don't think this is legal, and I don't approve of cheating."
"The popular kids have Sandra spying on you all," the inventor cut him off. "She's pointing all the popular kids towards the nerds, surrounding them and eliminating most of us."
"What?!" Harold exclaimed. "Gosh, what idiot cheaters!"
"H-h-how many of us are left?" Sakaki stammered, getting to her feet. "Are... are many of them left?"
"There are seventeen of popular kids left," Joel said, taking a quick count on his electronic map, "and there... seven of you guys left."
Yoshi cursed in Japanese, Sakaki whimpered, and Harold slapped his forehead. Eva growled and said, "So does that mean we're more than twice outnumbered?"
"Yep," Cody said, doing the math in his head. "This is really bad."
"Y-y-yoshi," Sakaki whimpered. "Wh-what do we do?"
Yoshi sighed, and tapped his forehead. "Guys, I'm not going to lie. Things look really, really bad for us. If we don't make a serious comeback, we're really screwed."
"Oh, you guys give up too quickly," another voice said over the headsets.
"Wait, I know that voice," Harold gasped. "Duncan?"
"Yo, Harold," Duncan said, sitting down near Joel and the screen. "Looks like the nerd team is helpless without me. Guess I'm going to help you out."
"What are we gonna do?" Cody asked. "I mean, what can we do?"
"I... I don't think I can move," Sakaki whimpered.
Yoshi cleared his throat. "Okay, I know there are only seven of us left, but we are going to do this! With us grossly outnumbered, that makes us the underdogs! And I'll be damned if I let the popular kids run all over us!"
"I'm with you, for once," Harold said, adding the second part quickly. "They cheated, and they are shooting us down! They think we'll lose to them again? Heck no!"
"Damn right," Eva snarled. She grabbed Cody and pulled him close. "Cody and I are gonna mow down every one of those bastards if it's the last thing we do!"
"Heck yeah," Cody cheered, high-fiving the fitness buff.
"Joel, Duncan, please guide us to victory," Yoshi said. "Duncan, thank you for helping us out. Joel, if things go bad, do no worry; as leader, I'll take full responsibility."
"Why?" Gwen asked. "This isn't your fault. Besides, I think most of us hate that Colin jerk."
"No, I insist. But for now," Yoshi hissed, "Joel, I want you to point me in the way of Zachary.
"He. Is. MINE!!"
"And me?" Duncan asked nonchalantly.
"Get Sakaki psyched."
Eva and Cody high-fived and dashed off. Harold chanted something under his breath and hurried off. Gwen started to head off, then stopped; Izzy was not following her.
"Aren't you coming?" Gwen asked. "I thought you lived for this kind of thing. Pulverizing the enemy, shooting like a maniac-"
"All in good time," Izzy said. She was still sitting next to the collapsed Ezekiel, and she brushed his bangs away from the nasty bump he had. "I want to stay by Ezekiel a little longer, make sure he's all right. I know you don't care, but I do."
Gwen blinked a couple times, then sighed. A small smile spread across her face. "You know what? I think I will too."
She sat down nearby Ezekiel and Izzy, holding up her paintball gun and watching down the corridors.
(Janitor's Closet - I care too!)
Gwen - "The truth is, I do care about Ezekiel. I saw how much he changed, and it really shocked me. I want to be his friend, but I hate Heather. I've never detested anyone as much as her, and if I start to be his friend, she'll get mad. Ezekiel helped reveal how I was tricked into hurting Cody, and I don't want to hurt him."
Yoshi - "I want Zachary, even if he's the only one I get. But I want to take down every one of those popular creeps if I can. I'm indestructible, with determination that is incorruptible." [1]
Anita - "I really didn't want to take Sandra, especially since the last time I saw her, she was calling me a whore and trying to get nice ol' Alfred kicked off. So... what happened next was really cool for me."
Xander tapped his headset. "Kind of breaking up there, Sandra."
"Well, it's this crappy equipment, I have to actually wear one of these dorky suits in order to activate one of these headsets. They won't work unless you're a genius."
"Which you aren't," Anita grumbled, crossing her arms.
"What was that?" Sandra snapped. "I'm sorry, I cannot hear you, Anita. I don't speak to whores who use their boobs to win this game."
Anita snarled and turned away from the announcer's booth. Xander rolled his eyes, then said, "Sandra, you're breaking up. Not loud enough."
"What's that, handsome?" Sandra asked, the snap of her gum heard over the headset. "Should I speak up?"
"No need, I'll just adjust my sound input."
Xander reached up and turned down his volume until it was completely off. He walked over to Anita, reached up to her headset, and turned her volume down to off; his hand brushed her cheek, and she blushed.
"Thank you very much," she said, grinning. "But you do realize this means we won't have any outside help."
"I don't want help like that."
"But aren't you the rebel, the one eager to break the rules."
"And I'm rebelling by not taking her help."
Anita grinned, and then a paintball hit her in the ribs. She and Xander turned towards the source of the paintballs, and were hit all over. Both fell to the ground, defeated.
"Fooling around with him," Eva spat as she walked up to the two fallen, popular teenagers. "Cody, you saw that, right?"
"He was switching off my headset," Anita groaned, her face bright red at the thought of Cody thinking she was tramping herself (it was also red from a little paint).
"Aw, c'mon, I'm sure she wasn't doing anything silly like that and such," Cody said, his voice riddled with nervous laughter.
"You kidding? Look how handsome that guy is," Eva remarked, pointing at Xander before walking off.
The rebel shrugged slightly as he lay on the floor. "This isn't exactly my shining moment. Hope my home town can't see me now."
(Janitor's Closet - I can see you!)
Xander - "Look, I'm not trying to steal Anita from Cody or anything, that sure as hell wasn't planned; Sandra was just being a real \censored\. But you never know, if Cody goes for Eva..." \he laughs\ "And if he does, boy, that Eva will either make him miserable or really happy. I've learned from experience physical girls are like that."
Eva - "I learned my lesson from the first season, when I made a serious enemy of Bridgette, not to threaten anyone like that again. But I'm not going easy on Anita, because Cody is... well, he's rather special. Any guy who looks at me without fear and smiles so genuinely..." \an uncharacteristic, happy smile forms on her face\ "... I don't want to lose that."
Cody - "Eva has a real take-charge attitude, and I really like that about her. If Anita is going to be happy with Xander, he is really good looking, a rebel with a leather jacket, chicks really dig that, you know?"
\He taps his chin and hums.\ "Maybe if I get one myself... I can get her attention back? And what would Eva think? Hmmm."
"Run! He's crazy," DJ shrieked as he and Zachary barreled past Valerie and Arthur. "He's a maniac, he's insane, he's loco!"
"Who's all that?" Arthur asked, looking where the two boys had come from.
A paintball whizzed by his face, and he was so badly startled that he lurched backwards and hit the ground. Valerie turned, and several paintballs hit her all over. She shrieked, slammed against the wall, and slid down. A red paint smear ran down the wall where she slid, and she moaned.
Arthur was rather unnerved by this, and couldn't move when he saw Yoshi running past fury in his eyes. Sweat and paint dripped from his face, and his uniform had a few shots on it. He was heaving, panting, and then a wicked grin formed on his face.
"From the other side, a terror to behold," he sung under his breath. "Annihilation will be unavoidable..." [2]
He dashed off, leaving Arthur stunned on the floor. He was snapped out of his daze when he heard DJ let out a high-pitched scream, warbling from the impacts of paintballs. Valerie whimpered against the wall.
"Damn," Arthur cursed under his breath. "And I love that song too!"
(Janitor's Closet - Rampage!)
Valerie - "I could sum that experience up in one word: traumatizing."
Arthur - "Rather disturbing. But also... really cool. Hehe, like something out of a comic book! ... Not that I read any of those!"
DJ - "I'll have to ask Eva and Daisy if I can sleep with the lights on tonight..."
Heather and Sebastian had been warned by Sandra about Yoshi's rampage, but neither of them were prepared. Both of them were blasted by Yoshi's barrage of paintballs, and hit the floor hard. Sebastian put a hand in his hair to check for paint, and sighed in relief; he pulled himself up against the wall and leaned against it.
"Well," he said as he corrected his glasses and wiped the paint of the frames, "that could have gone better."
"I feel so humiliated," Heather remarked, lying on her stomach with red paint splashed underneath her. "He made me look like a little fool."
"Silly blunder on our part," Sebastian remarked. "We turned off our microphones, simply because we didn't like Sandra."
"I cannot stand her. She chain-texts, and I fought to the nail for my social group at school to never do that," she muttered. "That's how it started for me when I was in junior high, and I was lucky to escape that hell."
"I've been the victim of that too," Sebastian said. "Someone tried to spread around the rumor that was high on drugs at school."
"Rather negative racial stereotyping."
"And I'm not even part Jamaican."
They both shared a laugh, then Heather groaned loudly. "Why am I telling you this?" she groaned. "Why? I don't even know you."
"Most people have to get something off their chests to somebody, anybody," he said, smiling calmly. "Why does James Bond's villains always give away their plans to him? They want to tell somebody who would understand and appreciate the genius behind it."
"But how do I know you'd be smart or decent enough to understand?" she asked.
"How do I know you're not a James Bond villain?"
She let out another chuckle, one she tried to hide but couldn't. Looking away, she sighed heavily.
"Why do you dislike Sandra?" he asked, tapping his glasses frame.
Heather let out another sigh. "She reminds me of what I used to be," she admitted, "and I'm trying to never go there again."
"Why?"
She took several breaths, and then whispered, "Ezekiel."
"What was that?" "Ezekiel. He... he means a great deal to me," she rubbed her forehead as she talked. "He's helped me realize more than most of you will ever know. I... I did some things back at my home town to break away from my old life, my life where I was a spoiled rich girl and the evil queen bee.
"Sandra is the kind of person I used to be. She's what I want never to become again, and although I know I'm exactly a saint yet, I... I just want to be a better person for him."
Sebastian smiled, and said, "Seems very decent of you." Heather groaned again.
(Janitor's Closet - Why couldn't she confess in here?)
Heather - "I don't know if I should have admitted that to Sebastian... but I don't think the philosopher stereotype they picked would be a blabbermouth, right?"
Sebastian - \cracks his knuckles, then stares at the camera\ "Wait until the season comes out on DVD, folks. Or You Tube, illegally."
Harold was hiding in a corner, the shadows of the lights shining down opposite his cover wall. Joel was instructing him.
"They are waiting for you right now, Harold," the inventor said to him. "If you scale the wall at the current time, you'll be shot down like a pigeon in the worst part of a big town."
"That metaphor didn't make any sense."
"Yeah, I realized that halfway through."
"Gosh. Well, what do you suggest?"
"Let's until they backtrack or go on ahead. Either way, you can shoot at them departing."
"Is my fair Leshawna with them?"
"No, but Lindsay and Crystal are."
"Yes, excellent."
Harold waited, tapping his fingers against his paintball gun in anticipation. When Joel gave him the okay, the lanky nerd scaled the wall.
"You're going down, cheaters," he hollered, his raspy voice sounding intimidating for a moment there as he fired wildly.
Crystal took a couple hits, but Lindsay took more. Harold was firing so many times, it escaped him at first. Then it hit him what he was hitting.
Lindsay's breasts, though decently covered, had been a large target, and several paintballs hit her there. Before she fell, Harold had made her breasts jiggle a whole lot with his shots.
"Oh, I hope that doesn't leave a bruise," she whimpered when she hit the floor.
Harold slid down the wall on his side, and covered his very red face. He was quiet for a couple minutes, then a single word slipped out of his mouth:
"Boobies..."
(Janitor's Closet - This is such male humor. \slaps author\)
Harold - "I'll apologize to Lindsay afterwards. And Leshawna. And Crystal, just because I think I shot her a couple times. I hated to have to do that... but... boobies!"
Lindsay - \She is cupping her breasts and looking down her cleavage.\ "I think I may have been bruised in there. Harry sure was 'electric' out there, wasn't he? I might want to check to make sure I wasn't bruised..."
\She begins to take off her top, and the screen turns to static, then to the host.\
Chris Maclean - "I think someone needs to remind her that that isn't a changing room. Got a lot of footage from the last two seasons, but we have to throw that all out since we don't want lawsuits. Bet some of you teenage boys are upset by this."
Tyler - \He is looking up, as if deep in thought, tapping his fingers against crossed arms.\ "Boyfriend senses are tingling..."
Sakaki whimpered as she hid behind a wall, nearly chewing her fingernails off. She could barely hear Duncan talking to her, until he shouted her name.
"Don't hit," she yelped.
"I'm over the intercom, Sakaki, I cannot hit you, nor would I ever," Duncan said with a sigh. "Look, you got two people sneaking up on you: Malibu Barbie and the Flower Girl."
"Who and who?"
"Bridgette and Daisy."
"Oh, I like them..."
"Well, that's too bad," Duncan snapped, causing her to flinch. "Sakaki, they're gonna paint you like a fresh wall in a bad neighborhood!"
"Wh-what?"
Duncan groaned, then drummed his fingers against his forehead. "Look, Sakaki, you gotta get psyched. The only way you can survive this is if you become feral, like one of those animé chicks."
"I'm... I'm not into violence."
"Look, you cannot get through this by being cute," the criminal continued. "You gotta find your inner strength and-"
"C-c-cute?" Sakaki stammered. She dropped her paintball gun, lay down on the floor, and covered her head. "No no no, don't call me that, I'm not cute!"
"Um, Sakaki?"
"I cannot take this," she wailed. "People calling me cute, violent shooting, running for my life-"
"Sakaki," he shouted. "Snap out of it! Get pumped, get psyched! You're going to shoot them down!"
"I cannot do this! I'm not violent."
"You can! You're a wild cat! You're a vicious animé girl! Like one of those backward comic books you Japanese people read..."
"Manga?"
"Yes, you are! You're vicious, you're mean! Roar with me!"
Duncan bellowed, and Sakaki shrieked at the same time, though in fear. Bridgette and Daisy, who had been following Sandra's instructions on sneaking up on her. Her scream startled them both, and easily-spooked Bridgette screamed as well. Sakaki raised her paintball and fired wildly.
The surfer girl was hit multiple times, unable to react in panic. Daisy tried to shoot Sakaki back, but the moe girl was squirming too much to be targeted. Soon Bridgette hit the wall with her suit weighing her down, and Sakaki ran off, squealing in terror.
Bridgette groaned in pain, and seconds after Daisy grabbed her shoulders. "No no no, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I let you down! I couldn't even defend you, my favorite member of the show."
"Hey, it's okay," she said weakly. "It couldn't have been helped. I was never good at these shooting games."
"Yeah, you're better when Harold convinces you," Daisy said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna make sushi out of that cute lil' Asian girl!"
"I'M NOT CUTE," Sakaki's shriek could be heard down the corridor.
(Janitor's Closet - We think she is cute.)
Sakaki - "I really don't think I'm cute! I mean, my mom and dad say I'm cute, but I don't want people calling me that! Oh God, I never should have signed up for this show!" \She clenches her fists and covers her face, shaking her head.\
Bridgette - "After the challenge was over, I found out Duncan was giving them advice. If he's trying to make her mean like he's made Courtney mean-"
Chef Hatchet - "-er!"
Bridgette - "Well then, I'm glad he got kicked off so soon!"
Rodney was a very smart and self-reliant child. Being a prodigy child, he had learned to take care of himself, and how to prepare for his own future. Though he would never brag or flaunt it, he was very clever and an excellent problem solver.
However, being eight years old, he still had the age-old problem that every young child gets the moment they are alone in a big place: he was hopelessly lost.
"Where am I?" he wailed, waving his paintball gun in the air. "Have I been here? Oh, I should have gone with Bridgette, she's nice!"
He looked around desperately, then ran down another corridor, whimpering, "I wonder how much it hurts to get shot by a paintball. Would it leave a bruise? I hope it doesn't hurt much, because I don't tolerate pain well... I hope the others are okay."
"Rodney?" Sandra was saying through his headset. "Look, you need to focus! Stop ranting and-"
"Courtney got shot a lot, I hope she wasn't in much pain," he continued, his worry too much for him to overhear her. "That Anita gal, I hope she's okay too, she's the nicest girl I know. Bridgette and Geoff and Xander, oh God, I fail as a leader! I was so sure that I could lead since my animé club voted me leader, but I'm not sure Chris was considering that when he made me leader..."
He continued, heading down an unusual corridor that led into a tunnel.
(Janitor's Closet - No one gets lost in here.)
Rodney - "During the challenge, I was trying to find my way around. But all the corridors all looked alike..."
\He taps his fingers together nervously.\ "Oh, was that a mean thing to say? Sorry! My brother Francis says profiling is wrong..."
"And so I consider my role as 'Opeelyeea' to be my finest performance," Jasmine was concluding her speech with Trent and Tyler. "Certainly, it really has made my acting career all the better!"
Tyler was putting his paintball gun in his mouth to pretend committing suicide, but Trent wisely pushed it away before he hurt himself. The musician was plenty upset too, his hair was even beginning to stick out in places, and he hated that.
"I truly believe that 'Spearshake' needed to make stronger heroines, even though I love the drama," she continued. "And thus, I was going to... ack!"
She had rounded the corner when a paintball whizzed by her forehead. Cody and Eva were unloading shots at her, and when Trent walked around the corner a second after Jasmine did, he was pelted. The musician screamed out and hit the ground, tried to get back up, and fell back down again.
"It's the psycho girl," Jasmine shouted as she ducked behind the corner again.
"Izzy?" Tyler asked.
"No, the other one! Now go out there and shoot them!"
"Mandy? Carol? Do you mean Gwe-aaaaaaaah!"
He screamed as Jasmine grabbed his sports jacket and threw him past the corner. The athlete tripped over Trent, and hit the floor.
"What kind of dramatic leap out was that?" Eva scoffed, looking at Cody. "You think he meant to do that, the dork?"
"No, I don't," Cody said. He stepped out and began shooting at the fallen athlete. Taking a few hits, Tyler scrambled to his feet.
"Care to help me?" the jock shouted at Jasmine.
"Nah, you're doing fine! You're being a real man!"
Cody and Eva fired at him, and he suffered a lot of hits. Sandra was squawking on the headsets to Daisy, who came running out behind Jasmine.
"What's going on?" she asked Jasmine, looking around. "That rich, bubble gum popping bitch is yelling and hollering-"
"You go out there and be a real woman with that real man," Jasmine shouted, pushing her out there too. Daisy let out a shriek and tripped over Trent.
"What's going on over there?" Eva asked.
She didn't get an answer. Daisy had recovered quickly and began shooting at Cody, and soon he was down on the ground. Eva shrieked in utter rage, and began firing back. Tyler and Daisy couldn't take much more, and hit the floor.
"You two pigs," Eva shouted. "How dare you do that to Cody, ganging up on him?"
"Wasn't really our fault," Tyler moaned. "It was her," he said as he pointed towards the corner, "that Jasmine chick!"
"I never liked her! C'mere, you prima donna!"
Eva started to run around the corner, then turned around and ran back to Cody. "Um, are you okay and stuff?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay, good. Um, I'll be back and stuff."
She affectionately, but gingerly, patted his head, then bolted off. Jasmine had taken off the moment she heard Eva yell, thinking that though she believed herself to be a real woman, only a real stupid woman would hang around when Eva was mad.
(Janitor's Closet - All's fair in love and war, or something like that.)
Jasmine - "That Eva girl sure is everything Leshawna made her out to be. I'm afraid to be in the same contest as her! Maybe I should get some allies, and have her voted off."
Trent - "Okay, I'm a patient guy, but I don't like being pushed into harm's way. And I don't like being the reason for causing harm."
Daisy - \She is miming out strangling someone, her right eye twitching slightly.\ "God damn it, I cannot believe she did that! First that Sandra, now Jasmine! Why couldn't I have been with the nerds, these popular kids are driving me insane; plus, the cute guys are there!"
Jasmine stopped to take a breather, certain she lost Eva. After she caught her breath, Sandra's voice came over the headset.
"Hey Jasmine," Sandra said, alerting the actress's attention, "don't worry, you lost Eva. And there's someone you don't like just around the corner."
"Harold?" she asked.
"Yep. He hasn't moved since he eliminated Lindsay, dunno why. Shoot him a few times in the crotch for me, will you? I hate nerds."
"Don't got to tell me twice," the actress exclaimed, her face lighting up. She zipped around the corner, gun up and ready, and spotted Harold. The nerd was sitting down, covering his face.
"Eat paint, you glasses-wearing freak," she shouted, shooting at him. "That's from 'Spearshake,' you know!"
Harold didn't even notice he was being attacked until the paintballs actually started hitting him (Jasmine wasn't the best of shots). When he was hit enough times, only able to get two shots on Jasmine when he reacted, he slumped down the wall. She sauntered over, grinning like a cat ready to kill.
"I'm gonna make sure you never do anything bad to Leshawna," Jasmine said, pointing her paintball gun right at his crotch.
"Oh boy," Harold whimpered. "It's gym all over again!"
Jasmine's grin became wider, but before she could fire, she heard a familiar voice call out, "Isn't he down? Don't shoot him there, not many men deserve that!"
Howard came walking up, looking casual and bored. Jasmine blinked in surprise, and said, "Howard? What are you doing here? I thought you were camping somewhere."
"No one was coming around," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I sat there for what felt like hours, and no one, not even a teammate of ours, came by."
"So you're moving around? Finding a new spot?"
"No, I ain't camping, I am on the hunt. Sandra was giving me guff about that, but I turned my headset off."
Sandra nodded, then she looked up in the air. "Oh, she's saying something to me right now, she's asking me to tell you to get back where you were."
"No!"
"He said no, Sandra," Jasmine said cheerfully. Then her eyes went wide, and she said quietly, "Um, Howard? She's requesting it again, but not very nicely."
"Man, let's just go."
As they walked forward (Harold letting out a very relieved sigh behind them), Jasmine elbowed Howard playfully. "Any luck with that Belinda girl yet?"
"Sandra said she got eliminated. I'll have to talk to her after the contest."
"She's a smart girl, I can tell," she said with a crafty smile. "Want some advice on how to charm a smart girl?"
"Oh, you have some knowledge?"
"Well, I'm a smart girl, so I can tell you what I like!"
Before she could reply, Sakaki came stumbling from behind a corner, in a desperate sprint away from her last encounter. Jasmine and Howard opened fire, and she fell down.
"Owtch," she whimpered, sprawling out on the ground. "That... really... hurt."
"Sorry, cutie," Howard remarked.
"I'm... not... cute."
"Some girls are just insecure about their looks," Jasmine said with a shrug. "Shame really, she does has potential."
"Let's carry on," Howard said casually. "I'm so happy, I'm actually doing stuff!"
When they rounded the corner, paintballs started whizzing by them. Gwen and Izzy, still watching over the unconscious Ezekiel, had been alerted by Duncan and Joel. Howard cried out in horror, and began firing.
"Why am I forced to keep shooting at cute girls?" he asked as he fell on his back, firing more paintballs.
"Damn it, it's the pervert," Gwen hollered.
"Boy, we sure get a lot of those, don't we?" Izzy cackled, grinning in the process.
The redhead laughed, and then saw from the corner of her eye Gwen fall onto her back. Snarling indignantly, she charged forward, shooting Howard multiple times.
"And stay down, you funny pervert you," she roared, and then looked over at Jasmine.
"Mercy?" Jasmine asked.
"YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY ALIVE!!!"
Jasmine tried to run, but Izzy tackled her. When she had the actress, she pinned her down and fired at her back pointblank range. She didn't stop until her gun clinked empty.
"Yeah, my armor's really heavy now," Jasmine grumbled. "Happy, crazy girl?"
"Yes, very much so."
"Man, Leshawna wasn't exaggerating when she described you," Jasmine grumbled. "You make the insane characters in musicals look sane."
"I've heard that one before," Izzy said as she walked around the corner, then stopped when she was out of Jasmine's line-of-sight. "Actually, I haven't. I'll have to remember that."
She hurried over to Gwen, who was still lying down. "Hey goth girl, you okay?"
"Izzy, I'm out," she groaned. "I cannot get up."
"Damn. Well, that means I have to watch over both of you now."
"Like hell you will. I know you, Izzy, you'd be very unhappy about just sitting around."
"What about my Zeke?"
"I'll look after him, I promise. Now get out there and shoot their asses off."
"I did that once, it was really messy! Time to blow away some butts!"
Izzy bounded off, waving her paintball gun in the air. Gwen weakly chuckled and said, "I'm sure you will."
(Janitor's Closet - Uh-oh, Izzy's on the prowl!)
Howard - \grinning happily\ "It was so worth leaving my post. Got to travel with a cute girl. Wish I had got that advice, though."
Crystal - "The nerds really started to make a comeback around there, eh wot. It seemed to be shortly after Sandra got on the headsets. Boy, she's a mean trollop, ain't she?"
Zachary - "Yoshi was freaking nuts! He continued to chase me after he blew away DJ! Man, I cannot stand that freak; I really wish we weren't roommates, or I'd torch the place. He sleeps on my side too."
Joel nervously drummed his fingers on the keyboard. "We're still in trouble here, Duncan."
"You think so? We got the most dangerous people there. I'd hate to be against them."
"True. Still outnumbered, and Sandra's up there in the announcer's booth."
Duncan drummed on his forehead in thought. "Anything we can do to help?"
"It's up to our fellow freaks and geeks now. Let's hope the other side doesn't know what they're doing."
Arthur snarled as he caught a glimpse of Eva going down another corridor. "You're mine, fitness gorilla," he grumbled to himself. "It's time for you to finally become the prey!"
Crystal and Izzy exchanged shots, and darted behind corners. "You're an excellent shot," Izzy called back. "Didn't know the British were so good at shooting!"
"Why thank you, lady Izzy!"
"Shall we continue, ya wee lassie?"
"Oh rather! I got a bloody good feeling!"
"Are you overdoing yur accent, me heartie?"
"I've been told it's not possible to overdo a British accent, eh wot."
"Aye, 'tis a shame when ye are eh'cused uf overdoin' yore ech'cent."
"Um, Izzy? What accent are you using now?"
"... I'm nut soo're, ya knoo'?"
Zachary ran screaming down the hallways, shouting, "Stop chasing me, you singing swordsman freak!"
"Every broken enemy will know," Yoshi was shout-singing as he chased after Zachary, shooting paintballs at him, "that their opponent had to be invincible!" [3]
"Oh no," Rodney wailed. "How did I get up here?"
He looked out the window of the announcer's booth. "Oh man, that tunnel, those stairs! I really should have stopped and asked for directions, but there was no one to ask... oh man, I need an adult."
"Will you shut up?" someone sitting in a swivel chair snapped. "I'm trying to help people down there, and-"
Sandra spun around in a chair, with a bubble forming outside her mouth. Her bubble burst in surprise when she saw who it was.
He gaped at her. "Sandra?"
"Rodney? What are you doing up here?"
"I don't know... hey, wait. Weren't you voted off? Are you announcing? Um, are you on my team, or the nerds?"
"How did you get up here?"
(Janitor's Closet - How indeed.)
Chris Maclean - \He laughs, then pauses and taps his chin.\ "Wait, how did he get up there? That labyrinth sure is complex."
Groucho the Duck - \still reading his "Duck to English dictionary\ "Just so you know, I'd be proud to go out into battle with any of you men. Or women."
--
--
--
So who will win? The outnumbered nerds or the discomposed populars?
Which losers will be immune? Who will be the next to board Duncan's Bus?
And do you all think the third question is ridiculous, but the only one you normally answer?
--
[1] - These are lyrics from Disturbed's song "Indestructible," which is perfect for a violent competition like this.
[2] - More lyrics, same band, same song.
[3] - Still the same song and band. Catch your ear yet?
Remaining Nerds (3) - Eva,Izzy, and Yoshi. (Joel and Duncan helping on sidelines.)
Remaining Pops (4) - Arthur, Crystal, Rodney, and Zachary. (Sandra helping on sidelines.)
--
Next - The paint dries, and thus the third trophy ceremony.