Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not try any of the jokes with airport security, I'd hate for any of my loyal readers to be held up and cavity searched.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - Let me state for the record what I've told some of my readers. This story is not meant to make fun of Christians, or non-Christians. It's just to make fun of those who are so thick that they just attack people over issues because they're mean and/or paranoid.
Also, I apologize for the very slow speed this story is being updated. It's called life, and it's a very distracting thing, unfortunately.
Chapter 15 - Tragic Crash and Burn
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(Back at the Maclean Stadium)
Groucho the Duck and the raccoon were on the very top of the stadium, looking at the road that the contestants were supposed to come down. The duck had binoculars, which he generously shared with his partner.
"u kin c dem yet?" the raccoon asked.
"No, not yet," Groucho replied. "They said the first team to leave the airport was a few hours agao, so they should be due any minute."
"y we watchin?"
"I have a bet with the bear."
"fuzy wuzums?"
"Loathsome creature. But I have some money down, and I want to make sure I win."
"how?"
Groucho held up an ATM launcher (Antitank Missile Launcher). The duck added, "I'll just take out the tires, they've experienced worse."
"vury clevah uf u"
"Thank you... um... say, what's your name?" "wat?"
"Your name, your title. I've known you for a long time now, and I don't think I've ever learned your name."
"peepul call me Raccoon!"
"Yes, but what's your name?"
"... i dun think i haf wun"
"Of course you do. What do people say when they see you?"
The raccoon tapped his chin, then perked up. " 'Hey, get out of our trash can'!"
Groucho slapped his little forehead with his wing. "Oy."
(Janitor's Closet - For animals.)
Groucho the Duck - "Okay, my newest mission is to get that raccoon a name. I'll think of one, have one ready for next challenge."
Raccoon - "im in ur janitor closet, keepin mai valubuls in here"
(Team 1 - Bridgette, Izzy, Ezekiel, Cody)
Cody was in charge of driving, Izzy studying a map and suggesting shortcuts (making her own regardless of barriers). In the back, Bridgette was massaging Ezekiel.
"I've never seen such horrible cramps and knots in the skin," Bridgette mused as she dug her knuckles into Ezekiel's back, provoking another moan from him. "You're lucky I'm studying physical therapy, or you might be stiff until tomorrow."
"How did you avoid being so cramped, Izzy?" Cody asked, trying to avoid getting mental pictures from his head.
"Izzy's very good at squeezing herself into boxes," she replied, grinning impishly. "It's the best way to scare the bejeebers out of people."
Ezekiel let out another strained groan, sighing happily. "Thank you, Bridgette. I thought all my muscles were going to lock up and never bend a'geen, eh."
Izzy only had one thing to say over that: "That'd suck."
(Janitor's Closet - For humans.)
Ezekiel - "I'm so lucky to have friends like Bridgette and Izzy, eh I really appreciate how they helped me adjusted to the real wurld. They're so nice, and I doo'nt care that they won last season, I'd like to help them win this time too..."
\He stops, then sniffs the air. He looks around, then sees something curious and looks at the camera awkwardly.\ "There's a ripped-up trash bag in here, eh. What's that a'boot?"
(Team 3 - Yoshi, Daisy, Tyler, Justin, Beth)
Yoshi looked at the car, crumpled up down the hillside. His teammates were all also looking at it, all thinking the same thing: "We so lost. Who here do I like the least so that I know who to vote off?"
Daisy shook off this thought first. "Well, what are we going to do then? Pull it out ourselves, or call a tow truck?"
"Are you serious?" Beth exclaimed. "You think we still have a chance?"
"Beth, she's being overly hopeful," Justin said to his girlfriend. "There's no way we can win this."
"We don't know how many of the other teams have gone, we only saw a couple of them at the airport," Daisy remarked.
"We wouldn't be in this mess if you had been watching the road," Tyler grumbled. "Seriously, where'd you learn to drive?"
" 'Learn'?" she repeated, sounding confused. She walked away from Tyler, leaving the jock to seriously wonder if she was joking or not, to talk to Yoshi.
"I think if you pushed," she said to him, "and I pulled, you and I could get it back on the road, and we quickly take it to a nearby shop."
"We don't have a lot of money on our all-around gift card," Yoshi pointed out. "You know how we barely had enough to get all five tickets."
"Yah, mostly because we had to convince them that Beth was Tyler's daughter," Daisy mused. "And then Justin made eyes at the register girl."
"That really did upset Tyler's daughter for some reason," Yoshi said with a small chuckle. Then he grew serious again and said, "But now then, you really want to try pushing this car back onto the road?"
"Hon, I've done much more dangerous things in my life, and I think you have too."
"Right."
"So how can we convince them that this isn't the most dangerous thing they've ever done?"
"I doubt Beth and Justin would, but Tyler might."
Yoshi looked at Tyler, who was sulking a slight distance from the car. He kicked at a pebble, missed, and fell down on his back. The samurai looked over at Daisy with a deadpan stare.
"You want the car even further down the flag?"
"Look, handsome, we're gonna get this car back on the road if it's the last thing we do," she said, walking in front of the car. "So get Tyler to help you push it back up!"
"I cannot help but feel you've done this before."
"Well, you've seen my driving skills, I had to get mom's car out," she said as she put her foot on a large rock as she positioned herself. "C'mon, go get the other muscular man to help us out!"
Yoshi sighed and hurried over to Tyler. The gung-ho athlete was all too glad to show off how strong he could be, and flexed his arms to prove it. Sighing, the samurai walked over to the back of the car, grabbing the bumper and digging into the ground with his feet; Yoshi felt his feet dig into the ground as he prepared to push the vehicle.
"The parking brake is off, right?" Tyler asked casually as he also positioned himself.
"Of course the parking brake is off," Yoshi grumbled. "You think we're that big of idiots, leaving on the parking brake... Daisy, is the parking brake off?"
"I don't think so! Now heave!"
Tyler and Yoshi both began to push, the athlete already straining. Daisy ground her teeth as she pulled, and the vehicle moved slowly up the hill.
"Wow, this is actually working quite well," Tyler noted. "And it's moving a little faster than when it drove! We should remember that."
"We're not pushing it all the way," Yoshi started to say when the car dipped sharply.
None of the three know how it happened, all they knew was that the car seemed to duck into the earth, hitting some kind of hole. They lost their grip, Tyler falling down next to the car. Yoshi slammed against the back of the vehicle, hitting his shoulder in a rather painful way.
Yoshi ground his teeth to suppress the pain, gripping his injured arm. Then, from in front of the car, he heard Daisy hit the ground. There was the sound of something snapping, and then she screamed.
The agonized scream alerted the attention of Beth and Justin, who hurried over. Yoshi was at her side first, and Daisy was now cursing as she clutched her foot. The tomboy swore so fervently, that it actually startled Yoshi; he had never heard anyone curse so hard, and he had seen men cussing because of severed limbs in sword fights (none done by him, for the record).
Daisy hissed a couple times, then looked up at her teammates. "The \bad word\ rock slid out from under my \bad word\ foot! God \more bad words\, this is the worst sprain I've ever had! \Rather dirty word\, that \rude word\ car tried to \wow, she crammed four bad words in before continuing\ kill me!"
Yoshi's eyes bulged, not only because of her furious mouth, but the sight of her leg. Blood had soaked her sock, and it was starting to seep into her shoe. He swore in Japanese (and we're not putting that up because then we just have to censor it).
Beth clenched her fists in worry. "I haven't heard those words since Lindsay lost her temper at Heather," she whimpered.
"You're bleeding," Justin observed, something he was prone to doing.
"It's just a sprain," Daisy muttered, looking up at her teammates.
"Like hell it is," Yoshi spat out, kneeling down next to her.
She managed to grin at him, despite being in such pain that sweat dripped down her forehead. "Don't worry, I just cut myself a little. I've had worse."
"Yeah, me too," Tyler said, respecting a fellow athlete's desires. "Just a sprain."
"Thanks, Tyler baby," Daisy said, then looked at Yoshi. "Look, I can walk this off, it's not so bad."
"Daisy, don't you dare try to hide a serious injury like this," he said to her. "I heard it."
"Heard what?" Beth asked as Daisy's eyes widened. "I didn't know you can hear injuries? Did hers talk to you?"
The conversation was cut short when Yoshi picked Daisy up, careful with her foot. "Guys, do me a favor," he said to the others as they all stared at him in shock. "Push that car all the way back up and then push it to the nearest garage. I'm taking Daisy back to the hospital we passed."
"We passed that one several miles ago," Justin exclaimed.
"And you hurt your arm, didn't you dude?" Tyler asked.
"It's just a sprain," Yoshi grumbled.
Daisy stared at him as if she hadn't seen him before. Then she shook her head and snapped, "Hey wait a minute! I just sprained myself too-"
"You're bleeding, I'm not."
"But dude," Tyler said. "Shouldn't we just push the car with Daisy inside, fix it, then drive back to the hospital?"
"No, that'd take too long! And plus, that just makes the car heavier."
"HEY!"
"Oh come on," Yoshi said to the protesting Daisy. "If you're tough enough to endure a broken ankle, you can be tough enough to acknowledge you weigh something."
Daisy sighed in defeat, then groaned. "You sure you can carry me the whole way?"
The swordsman nodded and started to walk off in the opposite direction. Daisy grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What are you doing?" he asked, flushing slightly.
"Can't I enjoy myself, my big strong hero carrying me off into the sunset?"
"This is hardly something to joke about. Your ankle could be seriously hurt, Daisy."
"I've had worse. I've endured three broken arms, two broken legs, broken eye socket, several fingers and toes, and a couple surgeries."
"My God. You look pretty good regardless."
"Mmm, thanks, handsome."
(Much later on.)
Groucho the Duck sat on top of the stadium, grumbling in disgust as he placed the rocket launcher aside. "I didn't even get to use this," he bitterly remarked.
"its juz as wel," the raccoon said as he threw popcorn into his mouth, "teh ammo on dose things cost eh forchun, right?"
"Right," Groucho said, then he suddenly snapped his wing tips (don't ask). "I've got it! I've got a name for you, my partner in crime!"
"wot that?"
"Chico! I'm Groucho, you're Chico!"
"Chico? Allryt, dat sounds fine, but shoosh. it looks like da last team showed up"
Groucho the Duck and Chico the Raccoon watched as one of the remaining cars drove into the stadium, albeit slowly.
"This is all your fault," Colin shouted as he stomped out of the car, pointing at Hannah. "We missed all the good cars because of you."
"That's it," Joel shouted, running to the trunk and pulling a monkey wrench as long and thick as his arm. "You've blamed her for the last time."
"How are you going to use that to hurt him?" Lindsay asked, very confused. "Are you gonna tighten his loose bolts?"
As Hannah kept Joel from bludgeoning Colin with the giant tool, Chris approached them. "Well, good that you guys showed up. We've already got most of the teams here."
Trent looked at all the other teams, and groaned. "It looks like most of them are here. Are we last place?"
"No, not quite."
"Second to last is fine," Joel said, eying Colin. "We can all vote for this guy then."
"That depends on the second team," Chris said in a scolding voice, shaking his finger at Joel. The inventor raised an eyebrow, and shrugged.
"Whatever. Are they coming or what, because I has me some votings to do, lolz."
He grinned wickedly at Colin, who snarled right back. Hannah patted Joel's arm to calm him down some more, and Chico the Raccoon asked, "hey y he talkin liek me?"
"Probably because he needs to simplify his speech so that spiky-haired goon knows what he's saying."
"dat makes cense"
It took another hour of waiting before another car pulled out. Everyone was shocked to see Daisy pull herself out of the car on a crutch and a cast around her foot. Alfred was the first to react.
"Daisy," he exclaimed, running over to her. "What happened? Yoshi, what'd you do?!"
"What makes you think I did something?" Yoshi replied defensively.
"It's all cool," Daisy said, patting Alfred's shoulder. "Yoshi didn't do this to me, a car did."
"A car ran over your foot?!" Alfred shrieked. "How horrible!"
As Daisy and Yoshi explained what really happened to their friend, Beth ran over to Lindsay. "You should have seen it," the farm girl said to her friend. "We crashed on the way, into a ditch, and we all had to push it out!"
Lindsay looked extremely confused, tapping her chin. "Your plane?" she finally asked.
Chris Maclean watched the teenagers talking, then cut in. "Yes, very nice," he said, smiling at them all sadistically, "but we have a show to continue on. And this evening, we'll have to vote someone off."
A few people looked at Colin, who scowled right back. "What? I didn't do anything to slow down my team," he snapped. "Blame the church girl, she got held up by security."
"What are you talking about, Colin?" Chris asked. "Your team is safe."
"We are?" Hannah asked. "But I thought we came in second-to-last after Yoshi's team."
"Yes, but they were the last to arrive. We have one team that were disqualified, because they never got on a plane!"
"What? Who?" several people asked.
Chris pointed to the edge of the platform, where Team 5 was standing. Gwen looked extremely annoyed, sitting on the edge and sulkingly glaring. The others stood nearby, Owen nervously twiddling his fingers, Heather and Carol frustrated, and Mandy bored.
"What happened?" Trent asked his girlfriend.
"We didn't get on the damn plane because we were held in custody by those paranoid freaks at airport security," Gwen grumbled in annoyance. "Though with some of these idiots, I almost cannot blame them."
Some were surprised by Gwen's sharp tongue, especially Trent. He managed to put it aside and ask, "How'd that happen?"
"Oh, the usual," she replied. "Mandy had seven knives on her and was threatening to sacrifice the guards to her Old God; Carol was calling them names and that they were compensating since they were too dumb to be real cops...
"Owen had a major gas attack and they thought he was smuggling a bio weapon onto the plane, and Heather, well, the security guards thought she was Christian."
With a roll of her eyes, Gwen shook her head in disbelief. Heather crossed her arms and said, "Well, I am dating Ezekiel, so people could make that mistake. I'm surprised they didn't think you were a terrorist, Weird Goth Girl."
"Shut up," Gwen hissed back at her. "You were no help at the airport, saying I was the leader of the team."
"You acted like you were."
"They were calling me the 'head terrorist'! I was under a bright light for six hours being asked if I had any nail files or unchecked luggage, or crosses or calculators with bombs in them!"
"And while I'd love to see you two argue more, because this anger is awesome," Chris interrupted, "it's time to decide who to vote for. Everyone, go off and make yourselves dinner. Members of Team 3, the team that arrived last, and Team 5, the team that didn't take a plane ride, you all will have to go vote for someone."
As the teams shuffled towards the cafeteria, Joel snapped his fingers. "Darn," he cursed. "No luck on getting Colin voted off."
"In due time," Hannah said, patting his arm. "Just curb your anger a little, he's mostly harmless."
"Mostly harmless? He's a bully, and a violent one at that."
"He'll get what's coming to him, for a bully will always eventually pick a fight with a bully stronger than him, and get his face rearranged."
(Janitor's Closet - Where the brooms are at.)
Joel - \smitten\ "How can you not love a girl who's as clever as that?"
Hannah - "I appreciate Joel being so protective, but it's startling. Watching the last season, I didn't get the sense he was a violent person when provoked. Wonder what causes that, because it's hard to think of something or someone so detestable that it could spark such hatred."
Colin - \grinning nastily\ "Hey, you guys want to hear jokes about dead babies?"
"I hear you guys had trouble with security because of your religion?" Sebastian asked Ezekiel. The two were sitting next to each other by coincidence, but making the best of it.
"Oh, not me, I was," Ezekiel started, then stopped. "Um, just... not me, eh."
"I see. Shame that they would sink to some petty reason like that."
"Aren't you Christian, Sebastian?"
"Nope, sorry. You know us philosophers," he said with a chuckle, correcting his glasses. "We're just not convinced of a supreme being because we need logic."
"There's logic behind a supreme being, eh."
"True, but I'm more of the type who needs to see something to believe it."
"MY ZEKE!"
Izzy glomp-hugged Ezekiel from behind, squeezing him in a tight hug. As Ezekiel struggled to get free, she said to him, "I enjoyed our ride in a suitcase together. Thank you for being so nice and not groping my boobs on purpose, just on accident."
Sebastian blinked, then looked away and pressed the bridge of his glasses in thought. "Hmm. I didn't see that, but it is Izzy we're talking about..."
"Izzy," said an upset voice nearby, who turned out to be Heather. "I'm only going to ask you one more time to stop grabbing my boyfriend in a vice-lock."
"Maybe if you hugged him more, I wouldn't need to give him back-up hugs," Izzy replied with an impish smile before trotting off. She ended up sitting next to Bridgette, who had been watching the exchange from afar.
"Izzy," the blond surfer said once Izzy had taken a seat, "you should really consider not touching Ezekiel so much."
"Why? It's all in fun, he knows that." "Heather doesn't. And you are really upsetting her when you do that."
"I thought you hated her like the rest of us."
"I don't hate people, I just...," Bridgette mused over it, then sighed. "Look, you know Ezekiel and her have something they share, right?"
"I guess so."
"Well, I think it would hurt Ezekiel if you made Heather mad all the time." Izzy looked stunned, then slumped in her seat, chin on the table. "Dang, I didn't think of that. Making someone's girlfriend cranky doesn't make for a happy boyfriend."
"Exactly. So please, try to make a bit of peace with Heather? You are roommates."
"I just don't want her to abuse my Zeke."
"I don't want it either, but we have to trust that he knows what he's doing. And I personally think he's smart enough."
"He's also comfy enough."
"Don't tell Heather you two were in the same suitcase together."
"I don't think she'd believe that. But Sebastian would, from what I gathered."
"Izzy," Bridgette stirred her food a little, then said, "You are Ezekiel's friend, right?"
"Of course!"
"Then give him a little space, because if we keep crowding him, we're going to aggravate him, and Heather."
Izzy sighed, then nodded. "Fine, I let Ezekiel have some fun time with girlfriend. I guess I have been neglecting Owen, but I saw a lot of him during the break between seasons. Now, to go find Owen!"
She bolted off, passing Anita, Cody, and Eva. The two girls were competing to get Cody's attention, and both looked ready to engage in mortal combat; Cody was shrinking down in-between them, scared that that might happen (and yet still turned on).
The redhead sat beside Owen, and snuggled up to her big boyfriend. He didn't react, because he was too busy eating something delicious. Izzy didn't take too big offense to that, because something delicious could distract Owen from imminent death.
Daisy and Yoshi were seated nearby, him looking over her foot in a cast. "It'll take surgery to completely fix it," she explained to him, "which I can have after I'm gone."
"What do you mean by that?" Yoshi asked, staring at her concerned. "You can just have it before the next challenge, I'm sure Chris will allow you to get serious medical help."
"Hon, don't try to deny it," she said, patting his shoulder. "I'm out."
"You're not out just yet."
"But I will be. C'mon, I'm in the next elimination, and I've got a broken ankle. It's the sickly gazelle mentality, my dear Yoshi."
"I won't stand for that," he shouted, punching the table (which happened to be the end of it, sending Sakaki's meal on the other side flying through the air and hitting Noah in the side of the face). "There is no reason to vote you off."
"Hello, broken ankle?"
"The challenges are all vehicle races and virtual reality battles in the future, that's what we've been told! You can compete in both, no problem!"
"There's side challenges, though."
"Oh please, Trent survived falling from a plane and was walking around a couple days later, you can endure a little foot injury."
"You're preaching to my choir, babe. But no one else is going to have your mentality, especially since the virtual reality machine was broken."
"One minute, then."
Yoshi walked over to Joel, who was chatting happily with Hannah. The inventor had his very large socket wrench nearby in case Colin walked past (Rodney really wanted to borrow it, but he could barely lift it).
"Excuse me, Joel?" Yoshi said as he approached the two. "Is the virtual reality machine fixed?"
"Yes, it is."
"Good, that's all I need to know for Daisy's sake."
He turned to walk away when Hannah said, "Are you trying to save her from being eliminated?"
"Yes," he said, turning to the side and speaking over his shoulder. "This isn't too serious, she just needs a little time."
"This isn't just because you fancy her as a rival, is it?" Yoshi looked away, scoffing. Hannah smiled and said, "That's great, Yoshi. But you'll be hard-pressed to convince people to vote for someone else."
"I already know who they can vote off instead of her," Yoshi said. "Someone who's far less useful, and..."
He was scanning the area as he talked, realizing something rather urgent. "Wait, where are all of them?" he exclaimed.
"Where are all of who?" Joel asked.
"All the people who have to vote this time! I don't see them anywhere!"
"They probably have all gone to vote then."
Yoshi swore in Japanese, then looked at Hannah again. "I may not be Christian, but can I ask you for a quick prayer? For Daisy's sake?"
Hannah smiled and nodded, then Yoshi bolted out the door. She and Joel exchanged glances before someone over the table asked, "You really gonna do that?"
Harold was musing as he ate, watching the two of them. "Isn't it, I dunno, kind of trivial?"
"Yes, but he is asking for someone else's sake, and I believe it is a noble thing to request," Hannah said, then giggled. "Especially since he likes her."
"Really? Awesome," Harold said with a grin. "She kicks butt, he's got a sword, they'd be an great couple."
(Janitor's Closet - Swords and butt kicking is all you need.)
Harold - "Daisy has a lot in common with my lovely Leshawna, which is why I hope she stays. Leshawna always does like to have her girlfriends with her."
Izzy - "Izzy vows not to crowd Ezekiel anymore! After all, I could be preventing him from possible make-out times! How horrible would that be, to miss out on that!"
Bridgette - "Sometimes I wonder if Izzy and Owen are doing okay. She's not with him as much as she used to be. I wish I could help out, but I have problems of my own, and I'm sure they can reason them out maturely."
Owen - \eating something that doesn't really resemble food, laughing to himself\ "Ha! I squished everyone's leftovers together for myself! It's kind of delicious... uh-oh, gag reflex!" \He hurls all over the camera.\
(At the Voting Ceremony)
The crowd roared and cheered as the forty-one contestants made their way onto the large stage, all taking their seats. Teams 3 and 5 had to sit separate from the others, and Daisy had to take an aisle seat because of her cast and crutch. Yoshi sat down next to her, looking exhausted.
"What's the matter, hon?" Daisy asked him. "You look like a boy scrambling to get a date on the last day before the prom."
"Really now?"
"No, but I always wanted to use that metaphor, it sounds funny," she said with a giggle. "C'mon, why you so ragged?"
"I was trying to find people to vote off someone else."
"You still defending me? I've accepted my fate, why can't you?"
"I'm not going to let you go that easily. You're a good teammate, and a potential rival in this contest."
"Is that all?"
He looked over at her, and was surprised that she looked rather vulnerable. The warrior sighed and shook his head. "No. No, you and I are friends, or at least I think we are. Right?"
"Of course, handsome," she said, beaming at him.
"Why do you keep calling me that?"
"Because you are."
They were interrupted when Chris used an air horn. His excuse to use it was to quiet down the audience, but the contestants were all pretty sure it was to annoy them. The host almost got hit by a spoon that had been thrown at him by Gwen.
"Now it's time for the fourth trophy ceremony," the host exclaimed, and the crowd went wild again. Eva groaned at this.
"They'll cheer at anything he says," she grumbled.
"Yeah. He must love that," Sadie remarked.
"Love it? It's his little fantasy come true," Leshawna said.
"There's nothing little, at all, about Chris Maclean's ego," Gwen spat out. "He's probably thinking that's not enough.
"I'm sure he's not that bad," Cody said, watching the host scribble something down on a clipboard.
"Now then," Chris said out loud as soon as he was done with his note ("Get more people to be in audience, cheering isn't loud enough for me.") "We have ten contestants on the chopping block, and one of them is having that execution of shame tonight! For someone's getting on the Bus of Losers."
"Duncan's Bus of Losers," Courtney called out.
"He didn't copyright it yet," Chris snapped back at her. "Anyway, who's it gonna be? Ponder that as I throw out the trophies to the others."
"Whoever it is, I feel really sorry for them," Arthur remarked as he caught his. "They gotta share a bus with Jasmine and Sandra."
"I wonder if Sandra's going through gum withdrawal yet," Geoff joked. "She was always chewing the stuff."
"I just hope Duncan's doing okay," Rodney said. "Those two girls can be kind of loud."
"Kind of?" Xander repeated. "Kid, they could drown out motorcycles starting up."
"Stop making witty remarks," Chris shouted at the winners, startling them. "If you didn't get a chance to talk to the camera, that's your fault."
"How's that fair?" Zachary shouted. "You get the camera pointed at you all the time."
"I know," the host said, flashing a grin at said camera, "rocks to be me, doesn't it?"
(Janitor's Closet - Camera's never on me, it's in me.)
Clive - "Jerk."
Leshawna - "Narcissist."
Sadie - "Evil man."
Katie - "Creep."
Arthur - "Attention hog."
Sebastian - "Ignoramus."
DJ - "Meanie."
Courtney - "Upstart."
Howard - "Limelight stealer."
Noah - "Chris Maclean can delude himself all he wants, but he's not the main character of this reality show. And seriously, anyone who wants to defend him, the sad part is, you probably already know that he'd never defend you over anything except him."
Alfred - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside\ "Dude, just make a quick insult and get out, that's what we're all doing!"
Noah - "There are no short insults with me!"
Alfred - \still outside\ "Blabbermouth!"
"Now that we've all had a fresh, healthy dose of me," Chris said, heading back to his podium, "it's time to announce who of the losers is safe for tonight! I know this is a hard time for all of you, but it is the moment most people are waiting for..."
As he went on, Daisy noticed Yoshi was twiddling his fingers intrepidly. "Worried, hon?"
"I only managed to see a couple people on who to vote for, but I think I managed to convince them."
"Now don't going saying things like that, Yoshi," she said, smiling at him. "You might get my hopes up. Say, who did you vote for?"
Yoshi opened his mouth to answer, then slapped his forehead. "Oh, baka! I forgot to tell you!"
Chris seemed to be winding down his little speech. "And so, it upsets us all when someone has been voted off, because everyone has someone that cares about them, and we don't want to be insulted during one of the worst moments in our life, so we must give those who are in worry the best amount of respect we can.
"Now then, the people that are going to be voted off are," the host said as he pointed at each of the contestants, "the cripple (Daisy), the weirdo (Mandy), the fatso (Owen), shortie (Carol), the ghost on a permanent rag (Gwen), he who does sports as well as the cripple would now (Tyler), Ugly Betty (Beth), her boyfriend (Justin), violent Japan (Yoshi), and the one who no one likes (Heather)."
(Janitor's Closet - Where da venting is at.)
Xander - "What a butthole."
Ezekiel - "Dickweed!"
Cody - "Cretin!"
Geoff - "Dude! Not cool, uncool!"
Trent - "How I'd like to hit him..."
Eva - "Dick!"
Crystal - "Twat!"
Anita - "He's no gentleman."
Sakaki - "He's not very nice..."
Noah - " 'The best amount of respect we can,' huh? Yeah, that is the most respect Chris could give anyone. Seriously, why is he host? Shouldn't the host actually have some kind of connection with the contestants, minus Colin? I've never seen a show before where the host wanted to heap such trauma on people-"
Alfred - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside\ "Noah, will you keep the monologues down? Some of us want to make confessions this year, dude!"
Noah - "Don't make me vent about you next, American man!"
Alfred - \still outside\ "Chatterbox!"
"And now," Chris said over the angry growls and whispered insults of the contestants furious at his words, "it is time to announce who here is getting a trophy."
Yoshi clenched his fist so hard that he was close to drawing blood. Daisy had to pat his shoulder to calm him down. Mandy groaned and tapped the flat side of her dagger against her knee, muttering, "C'mon, c'mon, stop the suspense."
"Aren't you worried, Mandy?" Chris asked. "You did freak out the security so much that they kept your team at the airport."
"Cthulhu watches over me, mortal."
"Well, he probably does a better job at that than God does for Hannah," the host said with a delighted cackle, "because those security guards were all over her to see what she was up to-"
He had to duck to avoid being brained with a flying monkey wrench. The host looked around to see who had thrown that, but all the usual suspects were whistling innocently. He shrugged off this burst of rage and continued.
"And so, those who are getting this trophy," he said, holding up a trophy with an airplane-shaped emblem on it, "the lucky ones to approach the next challenge... are...
...
...
...
"Tyler!" The athlete cheered and leapt in the air.
"Beth!" She clapped and hugged her trophy.
"Gwen!" The goth girl sighed and caught her trophy halfheartedly.
"Mandy!" Cultist girl whispered a thanks to her Old Gods.
"Heather!" While she received her trophy, she saw Ezekiel cheer and smiled at him.
"Carol!" She jumped in the air and caught it, giggling happily.
"Yoshi!" He managed to unclench his fist long enough to catch it by the base, but his clenching bent it.
"Owen!" The large teenager cheered loudly, and forgot to catch it, which resulted in him catching it with his mouth.
"And that leaves our two last contestants," Chris announced, looking at Daisy and Justin.
Beth whimpered and crossed her fingers. Yoshi snarled, his bent trophy finally giving out to the pressure and snapping in half at the base.
"So, the last one to get a trophy of Justin... and Daisy..."
Daisy shrugged and leaned back, smiling contentedly. Justin crossed his arms and drummed his fingers in worry.
"The final trophy goes to..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Justin!"
The male model let out a major sigh of relief and caught his trophy, which left him vulnerable to the projectile tackle attack known as his girlfriend hugging him in glee. Both smiled for a few seconds before an angry cry startled them.
Yoshi hurled his broken trophy on the ground and collapsed in his chair, shaking his head in disbelief. "This sucks so bad."
"Don't blame yourself, Yoshi," Daisy said, patting his shoulder, then lifting herself up on her crutch. "Just bad luck on my part, nothing that can be done."
Colin, nearby them with a wicked grin on his face, cackled. "See you later then, cripple." He really shouldn't have picked an aisle seat, because it left his feet vulnerable for stomping. Thus, Daisy's crutch came down right on his toes.
As the bully shouted in pain, Duncan's Bus of Losers came rolling up to the platform. Daisy sighed and walked towards it.
"Well, I may be out now," she said, smiling at the others, "but I loved every minute of it. Bridgette, Alfred, Tyler, Geoff, Joel, and especially you, Yoshi, you all are awesome. Don't worry, this injury's only a setback; I'll be up and walking before you know it."
"Oh, actually," Chris said, crossing his arms and looking official, "we may or may not cover your medical bills, as your injury could be considered superficial and technically-"
Daisy reached over and grabbed his collar, pulling him face to face with her. She gave him The Other Look, pointblank.
"You and your producers are covering it," she snarled. "I read my contract, so if you don't cover it, I'll get my lacrosse staff and shove it up your butt!"
"Yes, ma'am," Chris Maclean whimpered. "Will cover, cover like a thick blanket of snow!"
"Good!"
She pushed him away, then smiled at the others. "See you around! Oh, and Yoshi?" Yoshi had stood up the instant Chris started to refuse Daisy's health coverage. Now he was staring at her with a look of utmost attraction ever since she intimidated Chris.
"Wh... what?" he stammered.
She hobbled over to him and kissed his cheek. "You keep fight the good fight, like I know you can. Kick some butt!" She walked onto Duncan's Bus of Losers, and the punk whistled at her injury. "Dang, that sucks," he observed.
"Aww, this is nothing. I'm tough enough to endure it."
"Cool. Now you go sit in the back with Sandra and Jasmine."
"Ugh, I don't think I'm that tough."
Yoshi watched the bus drive off, and sighed, shaking his head. A comforting hand patted his shoulder, and he looked over to see Alfred smiling at him. "Seems you already made good friends with her," he observed.
"And she's already gone," Yoshi replied. "It's like some people say, you cannot get attached to people in war time, because it's too likely you'll lose them."
"They say the same thing in zombie invasions, but I say it's the attachment that makes you human," Alfred assured him. "And that's why you're no demon swordsman, but human like the rest of us."
"Thanks, I think."
(Later...)
Joel was escorting Hannah to her room, a steady conversation going on as they walked. "No, I agree with you there," he was saying, "I'm getting a little tired of them trying to use holy titles for villains. Priests, paladins, angels."
"I know, I may seem a little overly sensitive about it-"
"You? You're like the most reasonable person I know."
She smiled and brushed her hair away from her forehead. "Thanks, I try to be, since... well..."
"You don't really have to apologize, I know what morons like Colin think," Joel said.
"Well, it's not their mentality, it's my grandmother's. See, when I was young, my grandmother was that kind of Christian that people think I am. She was judgmental, loud, and not very polite; I loved her, but still..."
She sighed and leaned against the wall. "She died a few years ago, and though I miss, I really don't want to follow in her footsteps. Seems like everyone here thinks I am, though."
"I can give you a list of people who disagree, and I'm on the top of the list," Joel said, smiling at her. "Trust me, if your worst critics are Chris Maclean, Colin, and airport security, you are all right in my book."
"Thanks, you're so sweet."
"Oh, and I gave the airport security a little surprise in response to the way they treated you," Joel said, grinning wickedly, almost resembling Izzy. "I programmed their list of most likely suspects."
"To whom?"
(At the airport.)
"Watney," one of the security guards at the airport shouted. "You're on our list of most dangerous suspects?!"
"What?" the perverted guard replied, before he was tackled by a couple guards.
"You two get off him," another security guard exclaimed, pulling them both off. "Marley, Orsen, you two are terrorists too!"
"Marley's with the Taliban!"
"Orsen's with the KKK!"
"Oh yeah, well, Olivia is with the Nazi party!"
Olivia gasped in protest as a couple officers started to escort her away, but they were pounced by more security guards, who pulled out their handheld metal detectors and starting beating each other.
"Rock is with communists!"
"Erik is a cofounder of Genghis Khan's army!"
"Iris is a member of the Horde, whichever terrorist party they are!"
"Hey, Susan said 'terrorist,' that's like saying 'bomb'!"
"Watney said 'bomb'!"
A free-for-all ensued, pounding each other into metal detectors, shoving them through the x-ray machine to expose empty skulls, beating each other with shoes the passengers had to take off.
"Rachel owes me money, I think she's a terrorist!"
"Otis doesn't have any baggage with him, he must be trying to smuggle a bomb on a plane with it!"
"I read on the computers that Nick keeps nuclear weapons in his shoes, make him take them off!"
"The computers say Greggory brushes his teeth with 'TerrorCrest', the toothpaste for terrorists!"
The passengers were all watching as the security guards beat each other silly. Though some knew this would make them late for their plane, it was so totally worth it.
(Back at Maclean Stadium)
Hannah giggled. "Oh, I wonder if they enjoy it, with their rampant suspicion."
"If so, then I did my good deed for today."
"You know, Joel, I cannot say that I fully approve of how aggressive you get when you get mad, but so long as you keep it under control, I feel good with you."
"Well, God gave us all faults, right?" he said, scratching the back of his head. "I promise to work on that."
"Thanks, and I promise to help you."
She walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "You sleep well, see you tomorrow."
"Y-yeah, see you tomorrow."
She smiled at him one more time before going into her room. Joel rubbed his cheek where she kissed him, then heard a giggle from afar. He looked to see Belinda and Crystal staring at him with smiles on their faces.
"I knew that fault part was the right thing to say," Belinda noted as Crystal clapped her hands victoriously. Joel sighed happily, and high-fived the two girls.
(Room 4 - DJ and Eva)
"Wow, can you believe we got this room to ourselves?" DJ mused. Eva shrugged in response, so he continued. "You think we're jinxed, that we got a room that's bad luck?"
"I don't believe in that," Eva remarked. "Those two just weren't good enough."
"I thought you liked Daisy?" Eva opened her mouth, closed it, then sighed. "Yeah, kind of. Now that it's just you and me, I'll suspect that you'll want to sleep with the light on."
"No, I ain't that big of a coward, Eva," he said, smiling sheepishly.
"If you insist, Deej," she muttered, glancing over at Daisy's former bed. She sighed again, and muttered, "Damn shame."
"You seem rather upset by this."
"It's only because when a fellow athlete gets injured, you get worried about your own mortality, so to speak."
(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)
Lindsay was nosily snacking on peanuts, driving Leshawna and Mandy insane. "I cannot help it," the blond whimpered. "Whenever I eat peanuts, I cannot help but want to eat more! And since I got some on the plane-"
"Yeah yeah, but must you be so noisy?" Leshawna griped. "C'mon, girlfriend, at least share some!"
"Daddy says I shouldn't eat peanuts. He said if I gain weight, boys won't like me and I won't be good for anything."
"Oh no no no, I do not believe what he said!"
"I do," Mandy grumbled, "and frankly, it matters very little how pudgy you are. Because when Cthulhu comes to dominate this world, you're just a more ample sacrifice."
"Really?" Lindsay asked, then looked at Leshawna, as if studying her. "Leshawna, what's it like being big?"
"Hey, are you two calling me pudgy?!"
"I just want to know what it's like to be big like you. You're so proud of it-"
"I'm not pudgy! I'm quite comfortable with my size, it's you two who should be concerned!"
"I'm fine," Mandy snapped. "You're just jealous that your butt size is as big as your bust."
"Oh NO you didn't!"
"Is my butt as big as my bust?" Lindsay asked, trying to take a look at her butt. When she couldn't see it, she started spinning around, trying to get a proper look at her butt.
"You ain't got nothing on me, cultist girl," Leshawna shouted, jabbing Mandy's chest with her finger. "You're a straw pole with white hair!"
"Don't poke my boobs! How would you like if I," she exclaimed, poking Leshawna's chest, "poked your boobs?!"
Noah walked in the room right then, with Leshawna and Mandy poking each other's boobs, and Lindsay spinning in circles trying to look at her own butt. He watched for about five before beating a hasty retreat.
(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)
"Where are the white boys at?" Zachary asked Valerie, noticing the almost-empty room.
"Xander decided to take Yoshi, to cheer him up, and a few of the other boys for a 'guys night out' kind of thing, only they're just chugging soda."
"And they didn't invite me? Racists."
Valerie thought that since the party was for Yoshi, who disliked Zachary and vice versa, it wasn't because of race. And also because Sebastian and DJ were invited, but it didn't really seem worthwhile to debate this with Zachary.
"Listen, Zach," she said, crossing her arms. "We need to plan our strategy out more carefully."
"What do you mean?"
"We cannot vote off Yoshi as fast as you'd like to, because now people sympathize for him."
"That's bull, he's off, she's off, it should be nice to vote him off."
"No, you need to look at this from an emotional point of view, that's what humans see it as."
"What? 'Humans'? What are you then?" he asked, chuckling.
She continued as if no joke was said. "What we want to do not break up any couples, when I think of it. Therefore, we need to eliminate everyone single. Therefore, we don't get anyone vengeful after us if they catch on."
"What about people starting to hook up?"
"We get rid of them before they can pair up. That means that that pointless love triangle between Anita, Eva, and Cody, we gotta get rid of him first."
"Cruel. I like that, though."
"Cool, so next time we can, let's get rid of someone single and possibly going to hook up. Now then..."
Valerie sat on her bed, and smiled at Zachary, a rather sly smile. "Why don't you and I act like partners?"
"Um, what?"
"Well, we have this room all to ourselves," she said, her voice slowly becoming purr. "The other two won't be back for a long time. And I want to make sure you're willing to go all the way with me with this partnership, if you catch my drift..."
Zachary stared at her for a few seconds, then cleared his throat. "Um, I gotta go see someone about a, um... potential ally. Don't worry, I got your back, Valerie."
He left the room, leaving Valerie fuming. "Man, whoever said direct is the best approach with guys," she grumbled to herself.
(Janitor's Closet - The final words to be said.)
Valerie - "Look, I joined this show for the publicity and popularity! I intend to win, and show how masterful of a politician I can be. But I also because there are no cameras in some places, and I want to kiss boys and make out when the camera's not on me! You have no idea how stressful having to be proper all the time is, I want action, damn it!"
Zachary - "Dang, Valerie gets freaky when she's alone, like if she's a whole new person. Still, she is a good teammate, I believe I can trust her; also, our new potential ally? I had a good talk with, so I think our number has increased to three. We're gonna be unstoppable."
Belinda - "I think Joel and Hannah are ready to build their relationship on their own now. So who's next to build up a relationship with? I predict... hmm, actually I have no idea yet. We'll see."
Lindsay - \still trying to look at her butt\ "I don't get it, why would God make it so we cannot see our own butt? We cannot know if we sat in something!"
Rodney - "Okay, so, Owen went off to the guys' party, but they didn't invite me! I don't understand, I'm a boy too! Am I not boyish enough?" \He sadly hangs his head and sighs.\ "I just really want to be one of the boys, because everyone keeps treating me like a little kid."
Noah - \popping up from his makeshift bed in the back\ "You are a kid, Rodney!"
Rodney - \leaping in shock\ "Aieeee!"
Noah - "You also watch it around my girlfriend, buddy! Because if you want to be treated like one of the guys, I'll accuse you like one of the guys! And another thing, the reason why the guys didn't invite you to the party is because you're too you-"
Alfred - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside, startling Rodney\ "Noah, I waited until now to finally make a confession, you cannot hog the closet!"
Noah - "I'm not the one confessing, Rodney is!"
Alfred - \still outside\ "Man, I'm gonna find me an outhouse or something, I never get a crack at this thing... Canada has the busiest closets I've seen."
--
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(Voting Confessions)
Yoshi - "Justin is the person I need to vote off. Sure, some would say it's mean because of Beth, but it's him or Daisy. And a male model who can charm the girls, look good, and not much else, that's not a good teammate. Plus, it was easy to convince a few people to vote for him so that'll make this easier..."
Tyler - "Yoshi wants me to vote for Justin? No problem! Whenever he's around, Lindsay forgets I exist! I know she loves hot guys, and hey, I love hot girls, but still! I don't like him!"
Mandy - "Why don't I find Justin handsome? Because 'hot men' are not my thing! They're... yucky. I prefer a boy who's cute, funny, and makes this doomed world seem so bearable. Someone like-" \Oddly enough, she is cut off here.\
Owen - "Yoshi asked me to vote for Justin, but I really cannot do that... I like Justin, he's hot. So hot I could..." \he pauses, realizes what he is almost gonna say\ "So... hot I could tell him he's hot! Yeah! So I'm gonna vote for Daisy, since she's got a broken leg."
Beth - "I know it's mean, especially since Yoshi likes her, but Daisy is kind of useless now. I just hope he won't break out that sword..."
Carol - "Man, I feel for Daisy, I really do. But what are you gonna do, vote for someone else when you got an injured gazelle?"
Gwen - "Ever since Cody got mauled by a bear, I've felt bad voting off other people because someone was injured. I'd much rather see Heather go."
Heather - "No one's gonna blame me for voting off someone seriously injured, right? Hello, she cannot walk!"
Justin - "There's really nothing to say. Daisy needs to go, she's got a busted ankle. And I was there, I saw how serious it was. She cannot deny how serious that was."
Daisy - "I dunno if Yoshi's plan will work. Personally, I'm just gonna vote for Owen, because well, the guy smells. I'd like to get him voted off before he winds up in the same vehicle as me."
Votes:
Beth - Daisy
Carol - Daisy
Daisy - Owen
Gwen - Daisy
Heather - Daisy
Justin - Daisy
Mandy - Justin
Owen - Daisy
Tyler - Justin
Yoshi - Justin
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Daisy - 6
Justin - 3
Owen - 1
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Voted Off - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy.
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Next Up - Virtual Reality Fight: Total Drama of the Dead!