Chapter 18

The water ran over her skin cleansing her as though the water was somehow cleaning away everything she had seen, tears ran down her face as she sobbed, she bowed her head as the water washed her tears away, drowning out her shuddered breathes, the hiccups that now took over the sobs.

"Why," she mumbled "Why!" her fist made contact with the hard white tiles, "I hate you" her voice slightly louder this time as her fist hit the wet tiles harder. "I" she paused slightly as she broke down again.

"JJ?"

The soft tapping on the door didn't seem to register, she slid down the wet tiles, the water spraying her tears away, and the blood seeped from her now cut and bruised knuckles.

"I can't lose you" she mumbled as she allowed the water to wash over her more as she tried to block out the knocking

"JJ, let me in" came the worried voice of Garcia as she tapped again on the door.

Silence.

The door clicked open a few minutes later.

"What did you do?" Garcia asked her eyes focused on her hand which was red and bleeding slightly.

JJ shook her head slightly, Garcia couldn't help shaking her head, those two were so alike, and although JJ wasn't as closed off as Emily she was guarded. It hadn't taken JJ long to dry her hair.

"I made you a coffee"

JJ took the offered cup "Thanks, are you ready to get back?" JJ asked.

Garcia gave a weak smile before heading to the door. "Come on, but JJ you need to eat something as well. Coffee will only keep you going for so long and then where will you end up? You'll be no good to Emily, the team, nor yourself."

JJ raised her eyebrow slightly. "I haven't once said I won't eat, I have said I doubt I'll keep anything down." JJ sighed slightly, "You didn't see, no one saw. Hotch and I saw but" JJ shook her head slightly. "That is going to be an image that haunts be for a long time." JJ said softly as she opened the car door.

"It could have been worse JJ, at least she's here and alive" Garcia offered slightly.

"Here, yes" JJ shook her head slightly. "When she remembers Stacy is no longer alive" JJ closed her eyes slightly. "It's bad enough she was kidnapped and bad enough what he has done to her, she will now have to remember that someone she loved is no longer here. She was already, vacant, cold and snappy before any of this happens. What if we don't get her back? What if the Emily we know and love"

Garcia rested her hand on JJ's leg. "She will come back to us, but JJ this will have an impact on her and it can go either way, but all any of us can do is be there for her and help pull her through this.

JJ scoffed slightly. "You seriously think Emily will ask for help? She never asks for help, she thinks she can take on the whole damn world and it have no effect on her."

"Maybe she doesn't know how to ask for help? Maybe she was taught that asking for help, showing emotions were and are a sign of weakness, she may not be the same Emily after this, but the bigger question is can you cope with that? I think the bigger question is. Can you cope with her being changed?" Garcia repeated the last question slightly as she took in JJ's expression.

"Seriously?" JJ scowled slightly.

Garcia cocked her eyebrow slightly at her. "Seriously. Would you be willing to stand by her even if she shuts us out more? Would you be able to deal with that JJ?" Garcia shook her head. "JJ this is going to change her, and all any of us can do is be there for her even when she pushes us away." Gently she wrapped her fingers around JJ's hand. "She is going to need us."

"If this didn't change her I'd be worried, but I guess what worries me more right now is if she'll pull through, she has woken a few times but she wasn't fully with it, first time she thought I was Stacy and the second time she told me to run. What if" JJ swallowed slightly. "And I guess in answer to all of your questions is I'll be whatever she needs me to be, I will stand by her, just like the rest of the team will do, she is one of my best friends Pen." JJ said softly as they pulled up outside the hospital.

They made their way back down the small corridors before filing into the waiting area. "Is the ambassador still with her?" JJ asked.

Morgan shook his head slightly. "She is talking to one of the doctors," he gently took hold of JJ's hand. "They had to take Emily back into surgery" he said softly.

"What?" JJ said. "Why?" she asked still holding his eyes in her own.

He shook his head "They wouldn't say, only that something has shown on her x-ray," his voice deflated slightly.

JJ sat on her own her hands clasped in front of her as she arms rested on her legs, her eyes fixated on the door, she turned her attention back to her friends Morgan had Garcia wrapped in his arms and Reid just looked lost his foot tapping on the floor, she let out a slight sigh before moving to were Reid was sitting.

"She'll be okay Spence" JJ said softly as she took hold of his hand, his eyes were broken as he looked at her.

"Will she?" he asked, he shook his head slightly. "Why won't they tell us anything?" he asked softly.

"What's the saying, no news is good news" she mused softly although she didn't fully believe it herself.

They all fell in to a comfortable silence as they waited for news. It had been an hour since JJ and Garcia had returned from the hotel and another half an hour since Emily had been rushed back into surgery.

The door to the waiting room opened slowly, their eyes locked for a moment before JJ looked back down on the floor.

"JJ?" Hotch said softly as he knelt down in front of her.

"Elizabeth needs to speak to you" Hotch said kindly, JJ looked at him puzzled for a moment before following him out of the waiting room.

"Ma'am?" JJ said as she walked over to the nurse's station, Elizabeth motioned her back into the room which Emily had been in.

"Agent Jareau," she said softly, "They will be bringing Emily back shortly, I have arranged for her to be transferred once she is stable."

"With all due respect" Elizabeth held her hand up slightly.

"Your team will not be able to stay out here until she has been discharged, she will be transferred to Potomac hospital," Elizabeth let her words register with JJ before she spoke again. "I will be heading out of state again, you will be in charge of her care Agent,"

JJ nodded slightly "Ma'am" she paused slightly. "Why did they take her back down?" JJ asked.

Elizabeth smiled slightly, but just like Emily her face was unreadable. She sighed slightly, "Punctured lung, and" she shook her head slightly, "I've asked the doctor to tell you everything," she paused again "Jennifer, look after her please" JJ nodded.

"Yes ma'am" JJ frowned slightly as the ambassador retreated down the corridor.

"Her daughter is seriously ill and she just walks away" JJ mumbled.

"The relationship those two have, it might be for the best" Rossi said as he leaned against the door. "You know their relationship is strained at best" he said kindly.

"Strained yes, but she is still her daughter, no wonder Emily" she trailed off slightly.

"Just be grateful Emily doesn't take after her Mother completely" he mused slightly.