A/N: Stick. With. Me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A Guiding Heart

Blindspot

Chapter 23

"I still don't get the name thing," Alice whined as she primped her hair. "Is it Justin or James?"

Justin laughed. "My middle name is James, and it's what my family called me growing up."

"Oh right! I remember that!" Alice said putting it together. "When you worked at the SSA they had some stupid rule where they could only put your given first given name on your name tag."

"I guess," Justin said as he shrugged. "Everyone there just knew me as Justin."

"It's Edward." My mind wondered to him insisting on me not calling him Ed anymore.

"Now that you mention it, I do remember Bella talking about that rule because she had to constantly correct everyone to just call her Bella," Alice said, "And I also remember the rule where you had to wear a nametag in order to work because Bella freaked the fuck out that one day she didn't have hers. They had like these uniform police checkpoints you had to get through and no way would they have let you through without a nametag on." Then in dramatic Alice fashion she threw in a, "God forbid the Joan Rivers of the park would let you in to work!"

"What? I did?" I asked surprised, not able to place her memory.

"Yeah, you got to the park for your shift and you couldn't find your stupid name tag." She laughed obviously amused by my situation, as she frequently was...is. "You had called me to see if you had left it in my car."

"Oh my God. I don't remember this. What happened? When was this?"

"It was definitely after your graduation party. After Justin's little introduction to his just Becca even." Alice took the time to scowl at him. "I couldn't find it and suggested you just borrow someone else's tag to get through your shift so you wouldn't get in trouble. It was required to wear a nametag but loopholes are loopholes, and I was sure you could get by wearing one that didn't have your actual name on it for the day."

"Huh," I laughed. "I must have borrowed Jessica's or something. I'll have to ask her."

"The SSA had a lot of dumb rules for working there," Justin said with a laugh. "I had to hide my cigarettes in . . ."

"In holes in the trees or the back of the stands," I finished his sentence for him. He looked at me with a smile. "You shared those little hiding places with me," I told him.

"And that you remembered?" Justin asked. "I'm flattered."

With that, Justin and I both reached for my dwindling pack of cigarettes sitting on the patio set's coffee table, at the same time, our hands touched each other then awkwardly worked to get our own cigarettes. Alice witnessed the interaction and looked at me sharply.

"So Alice, I've heard of other vampires with gifts, but never visions of the future. Did you see me coming?" Justin asked politely, and I knew he was trying to win her over.

"I can't say I did exactly," Alice deadpanned, still not giving Justin an inch. "I think if I had, I might have sent Bella far, far away!"

"Alice!" I chided.

"That's rough," Justin said with a chuckle, and I knew I was going to have to explain the Jacob Black thing to her before she would understand the position he was put in . . . the way I now understood. And somehow, I guess I did understand but I would be lying if I said that my ease of acceptance wasn't helped by my hatred of Jacob. He's interfered with my life one too many times, and if he wasn't already dead, I'd have reason to kill him myself.

We thanked Alice and I stood up to say our goodbyes, but not before she gave me a popping sound and gesture of poking an invisible bubble in the air as I walked her out.

Once she was gone, I returned to the patio, holding myself steadfast. "You're very cool with her," I told Justin. "You don't let her get to you even though she's going out of her way to be quite unwelcoming where you are concerned."

Justin approached me in a flash, standing before me and reaching both hands to my head, smoothing down my hair. "I realize what she must think of me, but just like with you, it's nice being around others who knew me before the change and easily are accepting of what I am now."

~I want you to accept me for who I am.~

Edward's words our last night together flashed through my mind.

Justin's hands moved down from my hair to my cheeks, and I felt my eyes soften to his caress. "So if I have to put up with some of Alice is dishing out, I will. I don't expect it will last forever. Mmmm…." he breathed in deeply. "If I was a human, I'm not sure if I would have recognized you now compared to how I remember you."

"How so?"

With a gentle touch he slowly ran his fingers over my lips and along my jawline. "Your hair used to be blonde. Your eyes used to be a warm chocolate brown. Your frame was smaller and fragile, but you bent yourself inward. And you used to shrug a lot."

"Sometimes … I think I just didn't know what to say to you," I offered up tentatively looking up into his eyes for his reaction.

"Maybe I let you spend too much time waiting for me to do this." With that Justin leaned down and gently brushed his lips against mine. His arms slid down around my waist as he kissed me again. He guided my arms up over his shoulders, and I allowed him to do so as he deepened the kiss and secured his arms more tightly around me. That same eruption of fire existed between us that I had felt when he kissed me earlier, and I fought myself to break the kiss and pull away.

"Wow," he gasped. "I don't remember you kissing like that either."

You either, I thought to myself but refrained from sharing it with him. It was bad enough I felt myself blush internally. Giving him a smile, I tried to change the subject before this got too far. "How did you recognize me, if I look so different? I mean, when I found you."

"When I traveled home, you'd been on my mind. Then when you called me Justin and I heard the sadness in your voice . . . It was like...I recognized that particular sadness. I'd heard that exact sadness in your voice from you before. I was the cause of it. Bella, I'm trying to make up for a lot of things here, but you're holding back. Is it that guy you and Alice were talking about?"

"Eavesdrop much?" I accused then laughed when he looked at me blankly. "I know, it can't be helped," I thought back to meeting Rosalie up in Denali.

"It sounds like he's the one who left you," he said. "So why are you sweating him?"

"He did," I confirmed to him but looking for some excuse to offer up to him to soften the blow. Before I could do that, Justin was already ranting.

"Then he's a loser who doesn't know what he gave up, and you should forget all about him," he said adamantly, obviously trying to put himself in a better light.

"Yeah, you think? Because guess what? I've heard that speech before, only it was my friends giving me that speech about you," I said sharply. I meant it, too.

He winced at the realization then proceeded defensively. "But I've explained the reason to you," he pressed.

Maybe Edward had a reason too? He did. He knows I'm a vampire and he doesn't want anything more to do with me. Fight or flight. He ran away in an effort to preserve his life. Who could blame him?

"I know you have... now that you're back. And it's because of that and other reasons, I can't completely rule out that the guy I was seeing will return someday, too."

"So what if he did return? What if he walked through that door right now? Huh just-Bella? What would you do?" he said in a demanding tone, as if I owed him the answer. Justin folded his arms and puffed out his chest.

I looked at Justin incredulously. How did this happen? Why was he laying it out like that for me? How was I suddenly in the middle of a love triangle and being forced to make a choice?

"I . . . I don't know. I- . . . it's complicated with him, alright? I think on some level he needs me," I stumbled over my words thinking about Edward's heartbeat. "And despite the reason he left, he might realize that he needs me and make his way back here."

Vampire or not, he told me I was CPR to him. I know what I did for him, for his condition. I know what he told me in the laundry room. But on another level . . . I know I'm no good for him.

"No Bella, I need you," Justin declared. "Even more, I want you. I've always wanted you!" His mouth covered mine in a flash. He forcibly kissed me in a way that was meant to convince me and toy with my emotions, but it was short. He looked into my eyes for some kind of reaction.

There was a time, when I wanted him too. And an even more recent time that something within me nostalgically longed for him. Yearned to recapture those days and feelings. But that was before Edward. With Edward, I did recapture it all, in a new and exciting way.

"Justin . . . you showing up here like this is . . . and with the story . . . it complicates life for me. If it had happened weeks ago I would have considered it a Godsend. But right now I'm still really torn up from him and . . ."

"And it's not a Godsend that I'm here now?" he asked in a low, defeated tone. "Why can't I help you get over him just Bella?" he begged.

"It's . . . I consider it very fortunate you are here now." I did. I truly did! Running my fingers through my hair, pulling at it slightly, I couldn't give him the immediate answer that he wanted. "Just... give me a little time, okay?"

"Well I've got a few dozen lifetimes worth of time to give you," he smiled. "And just so we're clear, just Bella, don't doubt that you've been a Godsend to me. Not just now, but back then, too. So if I kiss you or want to be close to you, spare my feelings and don't fight me on it too much."

I nodded. I melted inside hearing him say that. How many times did I think about what happened, trying to make sense out of it, and never once could I have imagined him saying those words to me? It could all be so easy, couldn't it, if I just forgot all about Edward and handed myself over to Justin completely? Well there was still one barrier between us. If I was going to drag Emmett over the coals for dating Victoria, I was going to have to hold myself to the same standards with Justin.

"Are you up for a hunt?" I asked Justin. We may not have the division of being a human versus a vampire like Edward and I did, but I suddenly realized that I couldn't be sure if Justin would be satisfied without human blood.

Justin's eyes lit up, but then I slowly nodded to let him know that it wasn't human blood we were after. "Try it, for me?" I pressed and flashed a smile.

"Sure but I need you to do something for me in return."

"What's that?" I probed, unsure of what his requests would entail.

"Three things actually. I want you to go with me to retrieve my bike from the shop and visit my family with me but first I want you to help me pick out something to bring my niece."

"You have a niece?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah." Justin smiled at the thought of her, displaying his dashing dimples and razor-sharp teeth. "Alicia has a 3-year-old little girl. I haven't met her yet, but I saw her when I went to check on things at my house."

"Are you sure you want me to tag along on your family reunion though?"

Justin's smile disappeared, and he looked like he was concentrating. "Bella, is it easier for you to be around humans because you eat animals instead?"

"Well, yes, that's part of it," I answered flashing him a sweet smile.

"Then I'm willing to hunt animals to help get me through seeing my family. The last thing I want to do is slaughter them."

"There's no rule that says you'd stop loving them, just because your body runs on blood and not Dunkin' anymore," I laughed.

"Then you'll help me, stay in control around them?"

"Yes, of course. I can do that. I'm pretty sure I can take you." I was sizing Justin up. He wasn't that much taller than me. His frame was long and narrow.

Justin looked at me with a piercing stare. "I wish you would," he said simply, "but first you have to catch me!" he yelled as he took off running in the forest, and I followed, easily catching up to him.

As we ran through the forest, I enjoyed the freedom and laughter and playfulness between us as we jumped from tree to tree until we came upon some deer.

"Ladies first," he gestured when we were in close enough range.

"Ha!" I scoffed. "You just need me to show you how it's done!"

"I really don't, but I'm going to let you think that anyway just Bella." He flashed me a smile and held his hand out again gesturing me to go first.

With a quick movement, I pounced on a deer, entrapping it in my arms and sinking my teeth down into it as I drank the warm, gooey blood. It coated the slight burn that had built up in the back of my throat and quelled my sense of hunger all too easily.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand when I caught Justin watching me and smiling.

"So that's you hunting, just-Bella? Boy I thought you'd be all dainty about it and shit because you're a girl. But you really get in there! Alice teach you that shit?"

I laughed that he was making fun of me. "What can I say? No, I actually learned it from Emmett."

"Oh, so is that his name? Emmett?"

"Huh? No, Emmett is a Cullen. He's part of my family. He's more like my brother, for all intents and purposes, and he was sort of assigned to help me assimilate." I didn't want him pressing me for more information about Edward, so I quickly ended the subject. "Your turn!" I challenged.

"What me? After you've scared away all the deer?" he posed in a joking manner.

I laughed again. "Well hot-shot, you'll just have to find something else."

"Like what? Here birdie, birdie. Yeah I'm sure that will keep me satisfied."

"We'll have to find you something else, then. Follow me," I beckoned him. As we ventured deeper into the forest, I made less noise, stopping here and there to sniff the air more deeply and careful in how much disturbance of the plant life I created until I finally came upon a scent that was more occasional than the common deer.

"Smell that?" I asked in a low voice. He nodded. "It's coyote. It's heart is slow; it's sleeping."

Justin identified the scent and told me to stay put. It wasn't long before he was putting on a show of chasing the coyote, letting it think it was getting away then taunting it and maiming it before finally guzzling down its blood. I halfway averted my eyes somewhat and covered my mouth watching it. His method was a little more savage than I was used to witnessing with the Cullens, but it was only his first time out, so I had to cut him some slack and tell myself that at least it wasn't a human life that I was watching him take.

"How was it?" I asked.

"Let's just say, bittersweet." Justin stopped, clutching his chest and nearly doubling over.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a rush, I guess. Not used to animal blood." He heaved a sigh then shook his head like he could just shake off whatever he was feeling. "C'mon, let's go see my family."

Luckily the clouds covered the area of Forks and Port Angeles, as we stopped at the mall. I offered to buy the gifts Justin wanted to bring to his family. He told me he would pay me back somehow. We ended up with toys and a stuffed white rabbit.

"Are you sure they're home?" I asked Justin as we drove to their house in the cherry bomb. I mused how this time I could get away with actually parking in the driveway. Maybe I could even find out what Edward had been doing there. He nodded and explained he had been checking in on them and watching their schedules. In a quiet moment, anticipating the curves in the road I had already traveled to their house, I stole a peek at Justin in the seat next to me. In his leather jacket and mirrored sunglasses and comfortable positioning in the front seat of my car, it seemed like he had always been with me. It seemed like we weren't vampires. It seemed like we were still teenagers. When he looked over and gave me a gentle grin, I had a pang deep within that tingled all through me. It was like all the nostalgia I had been feeling was a in a firecracker that had just been lit, firing off and the debris dispersing throughout me.

I reached my hand out tentatively, and Justin took it, bringing it up to his lips to kiss it quickly. Slightly nervously, I went over everyone in my family with him, including Emmett and his new girlfriend, who I was convinced was the one who helped Justin fight off the wolves.

"How many women have you been with since becoming a vampire?" I brazenly asked.

"What?" he answered with a laugh, obviously having been caught off guard.

"Vampire hearing is very acute. You heard me. How many?"

"Do you mean how many that I didn't kill afterward or that were already turned?" he asked.

"Either," I grinned, amused by his reticence. He looked away, his head turning as if the mirrored glasses didn't hide his eyes already. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Not much to tell."

"Well tell me anything," I offered before he was giving me a direct order, pointing to the side of the road.

"Pull over," he demanded suddenly with a grimace.

"Why?" I asked, slightly scared by his tone.

"Just do it," he growled.

I swerved the cherry bomb off to the side of the road, and Justin got out, dropping to his knees, his hands balled tightly into fists. He growled and snarled then groaned in pain like he had earlier when we hunted.

"What is it?" I asked desperately, wondering if I should call Jasper in to help or not. "Is it the wounds? We could go back to the cottage for some more of the cocktail."

"No," he growled. "No, just stay with me, Bella. It'll pass." With that, he growled again, wincing in pain, his fists against his temples with his eyes fixed shut. His body contorted with a wild jerking, and he threw himself onto the ground rolling back and forth.

"Justin, I -. I -, I don't know how to help you. Tell me what's happening!"

In a flash he was standing, then heaving in a stance like a human who had just run a marathon. "It's okay. I'm better now."

I wanted to rip his clothes off and check his wounds, but instead I opted to listen to his flow of blood and make him breathe in deeply a few times as if he was one of my human patients at the hospital. "What happened?" I asked when he finally had calmed down.

"I'm closer," he muttered.

"To what?" I asked.

He pulled me into him securely, like a child holding onto a stuffed bear. I suddenly felt like his security blanket. "I'm okay now," he confirmed before leaning in to kiss me. He was soft and giving in his kiss, I wondered what was going on. When his tongue swept through my mouth, I felt like I was being distracted...or being used to distract him.

"There have been 3 humans and 2 vampires. With the human girls, my desire for their blood didn't necessarily prompt my hooking up, but it always ended it. No matter how hard I tried not to kill them," he volunteered. "I don't think I'd have that problem with you." As I pulled away from him, slightly dazzled, I headed back to the driver's seat.

"You're not going to tell me what I want to know, are you? Justin, I thought we were getting somewhere." I was in the car and waiting for him, tapping on the steering wheel.

"It's not a big deal. I'm dealing with it. You don't have to take on my issues, Bella."

"Justin," I turned to look at him, admiring how deeply amber his eyes had become when he removed his sunglasses. "I saved you. I'm not saying you owe me, I've just been enjoying this level of trust between us."

"Fine, I'll tell you but I don't think you can handle it. And I don't need a lecture."

Why did I cringe that he thought I was still some innocent and naive human who couldn't handle the truth. I could handle it like Tom Cruise in a white uniform being screamed at by Jack Nicholson. That's how well I could handle it!

"My transformation was calculated and incomplete. It left me with these episodes of searing pain through me. Someone has something that belongs to me."

"Okay. And you need to get it back? Is it something that will help alleviate the episodes?"

"No, I don't need it. But it's the only way to free me, so when I find that person, I'm gonna kill them."

He wasn't making any sense. Whomever changed him must have taken something from him, but I didn't understand what he meant that getting something back he no longer needed was going to fix this.

"Are you sure that's what it's going to take to cure you of this?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm positive, just Bella."

In a move that surprised myself, I looked into Justin's eyes and wanted to be more to him. I wanted to be his partner in crime again like when we hid our cigarettes behind the stand. I wanted to be his companion, like the evening we rode the rides together at the SSA. I wanted to have his trust. I didn't want him to walk away from me. And I didn't want him to be in pain.

"Then I'll help you," I affirmed.