Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
A/N: Review! Review!Review!
It felt like a dream when she woke in a bed with unfamiliar walls and ceiling that she stared at for what felt like hours. Had last night happened? Had she really been found and then brought back to Draco's flat? She felt her cheeks heat.
He'd calmed her down from her hysterics not once, but twice, and both in compromising scenarios. Yet, a part of her had latched onto that kindness. It was more than she'd expected. Though Draco always had a way of surprising her.
Her fingers went instinctively to the pendant of her necklaced, tracing the engravings back and forth.
After Hogwarts, the Order had been in tatters. It had been a shock, watching Harry's body soar to the side and the fighting dissolve into a mass retreat. The whole disaster had been in her nightmares for months afterward. Though of all the horrifying images of her dreams, one had haunted her nearly consistently.
Draco.
His blank expression, while his body had trembled, giving him away.
Gods.
It had been more painful than the eternity that she'd spent beneath Bellatrix's wand.
Where had it gone wrong? They'd destroyed the Horcruxes. They'd prepared. Yet, somewhere, somehow, Voldemort had known…
It had come down to knowledge. Something that had come as a rather comforting irony for her. Research. Voldemort had been seeking information and hiding it away after he'd devoured it.
They'd finally had an opportunity to find out what exactly had consumed his attention, and the Order had jumped at it.
Gryffindors. You aren't cut out for stealth.
His voice had been mocking her the moment the Death Eaters had appeared up until she'd landed in a heap on that field.
She blinked up at the ceiling before shaking her head.
He hadn't mocked her the night before. Rather childishly, she'd expected him to revert back to cold and scathing.
He hadn't, and that alone had left her confused and oddly comforted. So why then, couldn't she bring herself to leave the safety of the room?
Because she was afraid. She was afraid because two years had meant nothing in the seconds she'd met his gaze. It was downright terrifying, because up until she'd seen him again she'd been able to silence her traitorous heart by throwing herself into work to rebuild the resistance. Now, with him right in front of her, the whispers had become outright shouts.
She grimaced swinging her legs over the bed and standing.
She took a step toward the door before detouring to the bathroom.
She still wasn't quite ready to face him.
For all her stalling, he wasn't there to meet her. She gripped his note in her hand as she leaned against the counter in the kitchen.
Have to work. Be back later. Theo will be there soon to keep you company. – D.M.
Quick. To the point. Uninformative. Seemed just like him.
She sighed and turned back to the food on the table while admiring the neat curves and edges of his handwriting. She finally tossed the note to the side before eating.
Until Theo came back, she had all the time in the world to explore this flat and think about her next move.
And it was a beautiful flat, sleek with accents in gray. Everything neat and in its place completely complementing her knowledge over his extreme tidiness. Though, it was largely empty. It slightly conflicted with the image she had for where he lived, though not in a bad way. After all, she had been imaging Malfoy Manor.
She finished eating rather quickly, before she stumbled back into the living room to explore.
She'd missed the small balcony in her initial examination. The view was nothing special only the building across the street that appeared to be as abandoned as the one she was currently in.
There was also a third room, the door partly hidden by the curve of the wall in the hall.
The door eased open at her touch and she soon found herself within a study. Though a rather large one. The window had light streaming through it and near the winter was a sleek black piano.
She hadn't known he played.
Her eyes drifted to the actual desk but froze at the wall behind it.
Books. The entire wall was covered in books.
Instinctively, she moved forward and let her fingers brush the spines. Hesitantly, she grasped one and pulled it from the shelf. She gasped when the spot was immediately filled with another book. Curious, she replaced the book and found it fit right in, pushing the new book away to reclaim its spot. She smiled as she repeated the action on other books. A charmed bookcase. Clever.
He had quite a collection. There were music books, books on potions, and she even noticed some of their old textbooks and other references. She froze at one title. Runes.
She was about to pull the book, when she caught sight of familiar notebook between two large history tests. She pulled it out quickly, running her hand across the leather binds.
His notebook.
It was still filled with buildings mostly. She recognized many of the towers from Hogwarts. After a few pages, the sketches changed to scenery.
Her breath caught at one sketch of a person, who she recognized from brief interactions. Narcissa Malfoy. She shut the book quickly, feeling as though she'd violated some sense of privacy. Quickly, she set the journal back into its place on the shelf, but the picture of the sketch forced a lump into her throat.
It had been quite accurate. Every line and imperfection as well as every beautiful feature the older woman had possessed before her death perfectly preserved in the dark charcoal marks on the page. It was almost an exercise in preserving her memory. He probably missed her terribly.
At her last thought, she heard the Floo roar to life in the other room. She froze and waited as she heard light footsteps before a knock on the study door that opened marginally to reveal a brunette.
"There you are Granger." Theo said pushing the door open, "I figured the books would somehow pull you into this room."
She laughed and Theo grinned. He inclined his head toward the piano.
"Do you play?"
She followed his gaze, shrugging slightly. "A little. I had lessons when I was younger.
"I did too. Draco and I took them with Narcissa for years." He grimaced before smiling, "She'd complain the entire time about how neither one of us could sit still long enough to appreciate the lessons."
"Really?" She cracked a smile as she thought about two fidgeting children, no doubt feeding on each other's need to go out and make mischief.
"Of course, that didn't make her stop." he took a breath, "She would say that our childish rebellion would not get in the way of her turning us into proper gentleman worthy of our houses." He snorted. He turned away from her, his eyes falling to the floor as he grew lost in his memories.
She wondered if he was thinking of Narcissa, who must have played a large role in his life; especially with his own mother gone when he was quite young. He must mourn them both.
"Did you?" she asked, clearing her throat. "Did you become that gentleman?"
He blinked up at her, making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. His eyes clouded over before he let out a tired sigh.
"Does it matter?" he asked, his voice was thick in exhaustion.
"I suppose not." She whispered in reply.
They were silent then. Unsure really what more there was to say. She studied him, and she couldn't help but allow her gaze to wander to his arm.
"I did." She glanced up to find Theo studying her intently. "I took it."
"Why?" Her voice was soft, and she was surprised by the lack of judgement in her tone.
"Because of Draco." Theo let out a puff of air, "Once Snape was gone, it was just him."
Her heart hammered.
He was right. Snape had been a buffer, a familiar face that Draco could draw support from. With him gone, he'd been alone.
Theo rolled his sleeve up, and stared at the mark.
She noticed his was smaller. Almost lithe, as it crawled up his forearm. The edges of the skin around it were still red. A sign, she was beginning to realize, of an unwilling recipient.
"You should have seen the fit Draco threw over it, it was even worse than when Blaise decided to play messenger between here and your lot." Theo murmured, before rolling his sleeve back down.
She reached out to his shoulder. "But you know how he is." Theo said then with a thin smile, "Bugger thinks he has to do everything himself."
"Without help." She nodded. It grated her; that aspect of his personality. It hadn't helped him then. It certainly wouldn't help him now.
"And we all need it. Merlin though, our fucking pride." Theo chuckled ruefully.
She shook her head and was pleased when Theo grasped her hand on his shoulder tightly before dropping his own.
"Come on, I'm starved. Let's see if Draco actually has any food in this place." Theo said standing by door.
Theo was looking through various cabinets in the kitchen when she finally stumbled in after him.
"Merlin, half of these are potions and the other half is potion supplies." He said with a hint of annoyance.
Based on what she could see over Theo's head, he appeared to be right. She smiled slightly. Draco's need to constantly be prepared, to plan, seemed to have carried over into just about every aspect of his life. Though he'd always been good at Potions, he'd certainly surprised her at his knowledge in the subject more times than one.
Theo shut the cabinet and moved to the ones on the opposite end. He let out a happy noise and turned around holding out a loaf of bread in triumph. He continued digging through the cabinet as she set her focus on the icebox.
Between both their efforts, they came up with the makings of a rudimentary sandwich.
They sat at the counter, both quiet. She glanced about the apartment from her perch. Nostalgia came over her. It was as though they were back at Hogwarts in Head's dormitory. Only this time, the dorm was bigger, an entire floor bigger.
Did Blaise stay here? Between trips from here and the Order?
Blaise.
He confirmed Draco's continued stance. The thought warmed her. It meant that he hadn't abandoned them, even with all the bleakness surrounding the current situation.
He hadn't abandoned her.
"So Blaise is able to travel out of London. I thought there were wards." She said.
Theo finished chewing the last mouthful of his sandwich before clearing his throat.
"There are." His expression was guarded as he seemed to debate how exactly to phrase what he wanted to say.
"Theo…"
Theo met her gaze, and she was confused by the sheer amount of emotion pooling in his bright green eyes.
He cleared his throat.
"There are still some traveling privileges that people of a certain background have available to them. Blaise doesn't have to sneak around. He flashes his paperwork at the border and is off on his merry way, but I suspect that will soon change."
"Paperwork?" she whispered, feeling her heart drop into her gut. That meant documents, and documents meant the Ministry.
"Proving lineage, yes." Theo answered crisply, with a scowl on his face, "It serves a double purpose. For one, they round up anyone on their list of undesirables and for another they now have potential recruits. They've been hammering for Blaise for a while now. Draco's kept them off it, and Blaise has his Mum in hiding, so there's no threatening him into forced servitude." She met his gaze, and she got the impression he was trying to apologize to her for the situation, which was ridiculous. It wasn't Theo who'd done any of this.
"That's. that's…" she struggled unsure how best to voice the indigence she felt at every disgusting thing that Theo had relayed to her.
"It's methodical, but barbaric." Theo murmured, crossing his arms, "Your best bet is polyjuice and forged papers. Draco knows a guy, but it might take a while."
It was risky. They both knew that, especially if she didn't somehow get a wand between now and then.
She nodded numbly to herself. Trapped for the foreseeable future then. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes drifted across the flat again. There were worse situations.
At that thought, a thin smile formed at her lips.
"Well this beats the church."
Theo blinked before a laugh broke out. "Oh gods," he breathed, when the laughter subsided, "Despite everything, I'm glad you're here Granger."
He hated meetings. Theo had been lucky to get out of it. Meetings were torture in their own right; a madman to the left and right of him and the psychotic mutant at the head of the table. The whole set up was enough to send anyone into a panic.
Which it had. Multiple times in fact.
Yet, if Draco had learned anything over the hell that had been his existence for the past 4 years, it was that distractions had quite literally saved his sanity.
The trick with Occlumency, he'd found, was compartmentalization and rerouting of thoughts.
Even if anyone could breach the defenses of the mind, they'd soon be met by a chain of thoughts that, though random, was believable.
It had probably saved his life.
It was probably saving it now.
He let his eyes wander over the length of the table. His mad aunt was hanging on to every word that came out of the Dark Lord's mouth. To her left, her husband Rodolphus was significantly less enthused. Everyone else's expressions were more or less the same. He paused to study Theodore Nott Sr. His eyes were slightly glazed, but every once and awhile they would drift warily around the table.
He wondered how Theo went back home each and every night not knowing exactly what was going on in his father's mind. He hadn't stood for it for a second. Before Lucius had even realized it, he'd moved out and bought 4 flats in the city. He wasn't subjecting himself to more terror than was necessary. He honestly didn't think his nerves could handle any more.
He looked to the head of the table, suppressing the urge to flinch as he took in the humanoid features of Voldemort.
The Dark Lord had attempted, at first, to find a way to restore his previous handsome looks. His vanity knew no bounds. Though, he'd ultimately failed in doing more than to lessen the parlor and tightness of his skin.
His refocusing on the meeting let him hear the final dismissal signaling the end to this trail on his stress levels.
"You are dismissed." The Lord hissed. The chairs were pushed back and figures rose. He let out a breath and rose from his seat.
"Young Malfoy."
Fuck.
"Yes My Lord." He dipped his head.
"If you would stay behind for a moment. There are things we need to discuss."
He dipped his head down further in response. When the room emptied, he lifted his head and met the Dark Lord's gaze.
It took everything in him to meet it evenly.
A slow smile spread across his face.
"You have done well Draco. You have risen quite far after having fallen," He paused, "so out of favor only a short time ago."
"You honor me with your praise my Lord." He ground out. Appeal to the ego. It had been his mantra and main strategy every time he was addressed. Unfortunately, now that he'd risen in rank that seemed to occur much more frequently.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his Aunt grin widely.
"I wish to offer you a gift."
He schooled his features as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. His fists clenched of their own accord as the first sounds of shouts and a struggle sounded.
"Tell me Draco. The fight is yet won, but our numbers dwindle. We are threatened with extinction even with victory."
He focused on his breathing. In. Out. Rise and fall of his chest.
"Blood is blood, My Lord. Pure blood should not be spilled needlessly."
"And a Blood traitor? What of their pure blood?"
"Surely they can be retaught my Lord. Shown the error of their ways." He took in a short breath, grateful that though his voice was low, it did not waver as he spoke. Let the bastard make of that as he wished. He had certainly proved himself creative over the years.
"And half-bloods?"
At that, Draco seriously wondered how much more hypocritical the maniac could get. Half-blood. Hah. It was a trap, a trick.
"Blood is blood." He repeated before he carefully continued, choosing his next words with caution, "They are not pure, but in a few generations, they could be once more. Magical blood is to be valued my Lord."
He looked at him for quite some time before Voldemort laughed. "So you see to the future then?"
More than you know.
"I see a division my Lord. Classes that already exist only." He paused, "Only more pronounced."
What was he getting himself into? He'd expected an interrogation, perhaps another impossible task. The shouts he'd heard before had now resumed, and it left him wondering if perhaps that's were all of this was heading anyway.
"You describe a Kingdom." Voldemort laughed again, "You've grown, young Malfoy, into quite a delight."
He flinched, but the Dark Lord did not seem to notice.
"Now tell me. In this future, what of those that cannot see reason?"
"A kingdom is built on a river that flows red, My Lord."
Voldemort peered into his eyes just as he felt the beginnings of intrusions into his mind.
"And in this kingdom, who is king? You?"
He altered his mental walls, and pooled random thoughts to the front.
"I only have my wand to offer. Nothing more. Nothing less."
The pressure in his head faded, and based on Voldemort's expression, he was pleased.
"And yet, in you is old blood. The blood that has made kings and the blood that has ruled empires. You are a prince of this kingdom we have fashioned."
He felt his palms sweat.
We.
What on earth did that even mean?
"I have just my wand." He repeated, "I am one wizard at the service to a great lord."
He was practically praying now to whatever deities above that this interrogation would end.
Voldemort stood back, appraising him.
"Quite right. You serve on the right hand of a great master. You have risen again Draco Malfoy. There is but one between you and your Master. A prince to his king as it were."
He beckoned him forward as Bellatrix came and pushed a man down in front of them both. He was shaking, regarding them all with pure terror. His clothes gave him away. Muggle.
"Let us mark this occasion." Voldemort hissed. Bellatrix grinned. "You honor my family my Lord." She cackled holding out a blade to him.
"Now, spill the blood that we will build our empire from." The Dark Lord crooned, "Bellatrix."
She straightened.
"See that he has time to enjoy it."
With a bellowing of robes, the Dark Lord strode from the room.
Coward. Kill with your own hand and not the weapons you fashion.
His Aunt Bella pressed the knife into his hand. He flinched at the contact, but quickly molded his features into his cold façade. He stared at it for a moment before summoning a sneer to his face.
"I will not resort to such barbaric means of torture." He said dropping the knife, "I have no desire for that thing's" He stressed the word, "blood to spill on me."
"You would defy our Lord?" Bellatrix said. Her face contorted in rage, and he saw her arm move and grabbed it before any damage could be done.
"Aunt, you forget that we are wizards." He said calmly, dropping her arm before standing before the Muggle man.
"I will kill as wizards do."
Before he'd even finished speaking, the green flash sprouted from his wand and the man fell forward.
Bellatrix clapped in delight.
"Quite right nephew. Quite right." She grinned before skipping out of the room.
He waited with only the beat of his heart for company. One. Two. Five minutes and still not another soul joined him.
He let out a breath, silently casting a revealing spell. When he was met with nothing, he turned back to the fallen man and with a few wand motions the body was transfigured into a galleon, which he deposited into his pocket before discreetly leaving the Manor.
The man woke after an hour. He was frantic, hysterical babbling before attempting to attack Draco fists and all. He'd stunned him again before wiping the memory from his mind. After much deliberation, he dragged the man to a nearby muggle hospital before lifting the stunning spell. The man looked at him and promptly fainted.
Honestly. If he fainted every time a stressful situation presented itself to him, he'd never be conscious.
By that time, witnesses had begun to approach them and the crowd thickened to help the man, he'd slipped away.
He made his way home with a ringing noise in his ears. He was shaking. He hadn't stopped since he'd dropped the muggle man off at the hospital and it had all crashed down on him at once.
He'd walked right passed where Theo and Hermione, who were waiting for him, not really catching any of the inquiries they tossed at him. He thought; though, that he might have heard Theo offer up some excuse before following him in his room.
You have risen
Blood to make kings
He squeezed his eyes shut.
The man's frantic screams were still echoing in his ears.
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
He threw off his jacket, and tugged at his collar, fumbling with the top buttons. Suddenly, it seemed too hot in the confines of his room.
The pain in his head was throbbing, and bits and pieces of a wrecked house kept flooding into his field of vision.
How much longer could he keep doing this? Worrying about whether the Order listened to his information. Worrying about if Potter was actually preparing to fight since he hadn't seen or heard anything about him since he'd sent him on his merry way at Hogwarts. Worrying about Theo. Worrying about Blaise and Pansy. Worrying if his mental blocks would one day fail him and the Dark Lord would kill him on the spot. Worrying about how he was going to get Hermione out of the shit storm that had become London.
His chest tightened once more, and he felt his lungs labor to draw in even the tiniest hint of air.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Draco?"
He felt the other's eyes settle on him before Theo quickly shut the door. Had he left it open in his haste? He honestly couldn't remember.
He shut his eyes, and forced deep gasps of air down his throat.
"What happened mate, when I left…"
"Nothing." He huffed, finally having caught some sort of regular breath.
"I know you, and this doesn't happen unless something sets you off."
"Stop Theo. Stop." He said lowly.
"What did he make you do?"
"Nothing I couldn't fix!" he snapped.
Theo quieted. He huffed, running a shaky hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry." Draco finally murmured, "I didn't mean…"
Theo nodded, stuffing his hands into his trousers.
"I know mate." Theo said softly, "I knew when I signed myself up for this shit."
"I know." He mumbled, stumbling to the edge of his bed before burying his head in his hands. He rubbed his tired eyes and blinked back up at Theo.
Theo gave him a weak smile.
"Gods Theo, I didn't think I had anything left in me to still be so angry and so terrified, but every time that snake bastard proves me wrong." He rubbed his temples, as his migraine intensified.
"That's not a bad thing."
"No." he slumped forward, "But I'm tired Theo. I'm exhausted right down to my bones."
"What happened?" Theo stepped closer.
He flinched instinctively. It made him hate everything that much more when understanding flashed across Theo's face. He stopped, standing some ways in front of him.
"I've been promoted." He tugged at the ends of his hair that brushed at his neck, "And he presented a muggle man to 'celebrate'."
Theo visibly paled, shooting glances at the door.
"Did you…"
"No." He snapped, "I got him out since the bastard just left afterwards. I…He…Bella wanted me to carve him up. She pressed that sick knife into my hands and…" he felt his stomach churn.
"He's done that before, and you've dealt with it and moved on." Theo pursed his lips, "What was different this time?"
He called me his heir in all but name.
He felt his heart rate quicken, and he gripped the sides of his head. He shut his eyes, and couldn't stop the groan from passing from his lips.
A Prince to his King.
"I'm not." He whispered, vaguely aware that Theo had finally crossed to stand directly in front of him. "I'm not like them." He said, hoping it sounded firmer than he felt. Theo's hands grasped his shoulders.
"You're not." Theo confirmed.
He nodded, but his stomach continued to churn. He looked up and met Theo's eyes. He sighed and dropped his head back down. He really was exhausted, physically and otherwise. The fact that he'd been fighting sleep for a while was certainly catching up with him.
"I think you need to get some much needed rest." Theo finally said, dropping his hands.
"Probably." He said, letting out a shaky breath.
"I'll just tell Granger you're not feeling well." Theo said, pausing at the door.
Hermione. Merlin. He'd forgotten. He ran a hand through his hair. Had she heard? And if she had, did she…
"Draco. You ok?" Theo called out, dragging him away from his unsettling thoughts. He blinked and took another breath, collecting himself before he spoke.
"Yeah." He winced when it came out shaky. "Theo. I…" he bit his lip, "Thank you."
Theo gave him a slight nod before meeting his gaze and sighing. "Just…get some actual sleep for Merlin's sake."
"Ok." He muttered, resting his head in his hands feeling the churning in his stomach intensifying. Theo sighed again before finally stepping out of his room.
When his door clicked shut, he dashed toward the loo, shutting and locking the door behind him. He retched into the toilet for quite a bit before he finally felt like he'd come down from the high the anxiety had pushed him up to. He sighed and rested his head on the cool porcelain. His eyelids dropped, and he sighed. Somehow the floor of the loo had become the most comfortable place in his entire flat.
Theo left, delivering some feeble excuse that Draco was feeling ill. Even if she hadn't seen the look in his eyes, she wouldn't have believed him. She'd seen him when he'd stumbled back into the flat. Maybe he was ill, but that wasn't all that was wrong.
She stood in front of his door, her hand up ready to knock.
Was she overstepping? He may not want nor need her help, but somehow that thought didn't do much to deter her.
She was as stubborn as he was, and she wanted to… Well, that was a little less clear.
Her arm quickly grew sore. She hadn't exactly fully healed, and the scars were only just closing thanks to the salve Draco had given her the day before.
She bit her lip and knocked, calling out to him. When he didn't respond, she knocked again and still there was no response.
She huffed and pushed open the door.
She found him in his bathroom, sprawled on the ground with his head resting on the edge of the toilet. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was somewhat even, like he was asleep or on his way to getting there.
She should move him, but she was transfixed at the state of him, utterly depleted.
He shifted and let out a soft grunt.
She blinked and moved closer to him, gently touching his shoulder.
Apparently, that was a mistake because his eyes immediately opened, and he clutched her arm tightly.
Her eyes welled with tears at the pain, but she shook them away. "It's me Draco." She said softly. He blinked as his senses adjusted. He immediately dropped her arm in shock.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" he trailed off, shaking his head, but she caught him wince as he tried to stand. She reached for him, but he flinched at her outstretched hand.
"I shouldn't have startled you. It's my fault really."
He shook his head and let out a breath.
"What time is it?" he murmured, finally having stood on his own.
"Not too late."
He took a step forward, steadying himself by grasping at the nearby sink. He shook his head, but she could tell that he was still a bit disoriented.
She reached out again, but he shied away from her touch.
"What's the matter?" She finally asked, frustrated at his actions.
It hurt, cutting deeper than it should. They'd shared so many gentle unguarded motions that seeing him now with all these walls once more was almost crushing. Wasn't it just the night before that he had comforted her after a nightmare? Why did it feel like a lifetime ago?
"It's not you. I…I just need to be..." He seemed to be struggling to try to voice whatever was bothering him. He was fighting against every conditioned response he'd been taught. Don't admit to weakness. Don't show weakness. Don't let the weakness rule you.
There was a bitter laugh caught in his throat. He'd broken them all in front of her, but this was different, darker than what they'd shared just under two years before.
Understanding dawned on her.
"Well then." She stretched her arm out in front of her, "You grab hold."
She waited. After a moment he grasped her arm, and they walked slowly out of the loo. When they were settled on the edge of his mattress, she turned to him.
"You didn't eat before. Are you hungry, or do you want to go back to sleep?"
He licked his lips. "Sleep, but that might be a challenge." He said with a weak smirk.
He dropped his head to rest on her shoulder. His breath was hot but light against her shirt. Oddly, it was comforting.
"He promoted me." Draco whispered.
She was struck dumb by the sound of his voice that she didn't even respond.
"Gods, I don't know why I'm telling you, but something tells me I should. And I… I want you to know. I've wanted to just talk to you for…" he was babbling. He seemed to realize it, because he promptly shut his mouth.
"Our role reversal continues." She said with a weak laugh, "Usually, I babble incessantly."
He shot her a weak smile before letting out a puff of air. She threaded her fingers through his and was pleased when he didn't shy away from the contact.
He lifted his head off her shoulder.
"I don't want you to be under any illusions." He finally said, "I want you to know what I'm capable of."
She ignored the way his voice slightly shook at the back half of his statement.
"This is war. We all have done things we aren't proud of." She could attest to it.
"It's not torture."
She tightened her grip.
"Have you tortured anyone?"
He looked up at her, nodding slowly.
"I get out of it most of the time, but I can't always stop it either." He looked away, extracting his hand from hers.
"And if you did step forward or stop it, what would happen?"
He met her gaze, baring into her.
"You know what." He finally said.
She did, and based on his apprehension at physical contact, punishment had probably happened more times than not. Though not the capital punishment.
Thank Merlin for that.
He stood and walked to the window of his room and glanced out at the dark of the night. The light from the half moon, framed his profile and left his hair glowing. It was moments like these that her imagination ran away with her. She swore, sometimes, he looked like the very stars he was named for.
"You're still with us. It's what matters."
It was nearly imperceptible, the small dip of his chin.
"You're infamous now, but I…I'm proud of you Draco. Not many have done what you've done with success."
His jaw unclenched slightly, but his gaze was still fixed out the window.
She wondered about those years that had passed. He'd had Theo and Blaise when he'd been here. Though Blaise wasn't the only one she'd known had contact with assets of the Order. She froze at the train of her thoughts. There was one other person she knew had contact with an informant. Andromeda Tonks.
She hoped for his sake that he'd had contact with her. They were family. They could give each other comfort.
She shook her head to dispel her thoughts before standing to walk toward him. She stopped before him, and after a moment she wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her head between his shoulder blades. He was stiff, but after several breaths, he relaxed against her.
"You can't scare me away you know. I've always known how dangerous you could be." She murmured, "Your magic always seems to be threatening to spill over. It crackles and constantly fights to come out of you."
It was true. Even now, she could feel the hum of it in his muscles, ingrained into every fiber of him.
"But you've never been dangerous to me, or dangerous when it matters most. Not the way you're thinking of at least." She continued. He needed to hear this, and she hoped he'd understand and accept it for once.
He lent his head back and let out a shaky breath.
"And you're dangerous." He said, "Sometimes it scares the hell out of me, the things you can do with your wand."
She tightened her grip while smiling against his back.
"I missed you."
She blinked. She hadn't meant to say it aloud, but the words had come out on instinct. Like it was natural.
He sighed.
Her chest had tightened in wait. This was the moment where he would either join her in her vulnerability or ignore it and plow forward.
Remember me like this.
She had. She still did. But, did he remember her?
He turned in her arms to face her.
"I did too." He said quietly.
She lifted her hand, and when he nodded, she gently cupped the curve of his cheek.
"I still miss you now." She murmured, in awe at her boldness, "Because it feels like you're still not here. Not completely."
He furrowed his brows before hesitantly drawing his own arms around her, and burying his face into her hair.
"I'm sorry." He said weakly, "I'm trying, but I'm just a little too lost…"
"Within your own mind." She finished. She bit her lip, "I know the feeling."
"He wanted me to kill a muggle to celebrate my promotion."
She stiffened and pulled away from him.
He bit his lip. "But I didn't. I…I have ways of getting them out. When I have the opportunity, I do. I don't…I don't….can't go out of my way."
He was being honest with her, and maybe it was that fact that was propelling her forward.
"That's all anyone can ask." She finally said, tightening her grip and burying her head in his chest.
It's mercy if it's you.
She couldn't say how long they stood there, just wrapped in each other's arms, but it was long enough that he'd whispered a plea for her to stay. She hadn't argued with, unsure if she even wanted too. So, they stumbled to the bed and fall asleep in the same position. Like it would be physically impossible to separate now.