The first thing that Clarice felt when she woke was warm. She smiled, nestling deeper into her pillow, pressing into the warm, solid bulk at her back with a hum of contentment.

Wait.

Clarice's eyes shot open. The first thing she saw was Zingo, looking at her with the kind, knowing eyes she loved so much. The second was the large, muscled brown arm that was wound around her side and chest, cradling her against its owner. Barely daring to breathe, Clarice turned her head slowly, needing her eyes to confirm what she already knew was true.

John fucking Proudstar was asleep behind her, his face practically buried in her hair. Sleep had smoothed some of the heaviness out of his face, eased the stern set of his mouth. Some of his hair had fallen across his cheek and for a moment Clarice had the insane urge to reach over and tuck it behind his ear.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Get a grip, girl, Clarice told herself firmly, letting her head fall back against the pillow. The movement jostled John, making him grumble in his sleep and press his face closer into the back of her neck. Clarice almost whimpered. The feeling of him pressed against her, of him holding her to his chest, cradling her like she was something beloved, something precious... She had had dreams about this. Usually there was far less clothing, but still...

Damn Dreamer, Clarice thought viciously, clenching her hands into fists, anger and pain bubbling up inside her. Damn her straight to hell.

"Clarice?" The sound of John's sleep-roughed voice made Clarice jump. "Clarice, are you alright?"

Clarice closed her eyes, fighting back a sudden wave of emotions. There was so much gentleness, so much genuine concern... Clarice couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken to her like that.

"Yeah," she said finally, opening her eyes and turning her head so she could look at him, though she didn't have to turn far, for John had lifted himself up and was leaning slightly over her, concern furrowing his brows. He still hadn't removed his arm from around her. "Yeah, I... I was just surprised to see you, that's all." John seemed confused for a moment, then looked down, as if he just then realized the position they were in.

"Oh," he said, and Clarice swore she could see the slightest shade of pink appear on his tan cheeks as he leaned back, taking his arm and warmth with him. "Sorry, I, uh – I must've fallen asleep."

Clarice, who suddenly felt unbearably cold, turned so she was facing him, propping herself up on her elbow. "Well, at least I know what your spirit animal is now."

"Yeah?" John asked, looking at her curiously, the warmth she suddenly realized she had become accustomed to coming back into his eyes.

"Yeah," Clarice replied, grinning up at him. "An octopus."

John just looked at her for a moment, straight-faced. Then he broke, slumping down against the pillow and allowing his laughter to escape him. Clarice couldn't help but smile. He had a beautiful laugh.

"That was terrible," he finally said, looking up at her from where he lay against her pillow, his eyes sparkling, his smile free and easy on his lips. Clarice had to force her gaze away from them, though it took more effort than she would have liked to admit.

"And yet you're the one laughing," she replied, the gentle teasing setting her at ease. This wasn't something that Dreamer had put in her head. This was theirs, something they had before everything got... complicated.

"I know," John said, shifting so that he could lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, grin still on his face. "It feels good. I honestly don't know when the last time I laughed was."

"Well, it looks good on you," Clarice said before she could stop herself. "You should do it more often." John looked at her, and Clarice suddenly realized what she had said. She bit her lip, cursing herself. Then John smiled, a soft and gentle smile that made Clarice's heart twist.

"You make it easier," he said softly, turning his hand so that his fingers were brushing hers. Clarice's heart jumped and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Part of her mind was screaming at her to run, to get away from John and all of the potential pain and heartbreak that he could cause. The other part knew that a nuclear blast couldn't have pulled her away from him right now.

Somewhere down the hall a door slammed, making both of them jump. Clarice could hear the soft murmur of voices as the other mutants began to come out of their rooms, heading towards the pseudo kitchen for their daily rations. John closed his eyes, letting out a breath that almost sounded like a groan.

"I have to go," he said, turning and looking at Clarice, apology in his eyes. Clarice's heart twisted, not at the thought of him leaving, but at the knowledge that he wanted to stay.

"I know," she said, smiling at him. "John Proudstar, fearless leader, and mother hen, of the Mutant Underground, reporting for breakfast duty." John snorted, closing his eyes once more. Then, taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up off the cot, running his fingers through his hair, pulling the mantel of leadership around himself as Clarice watched.

"John." Clarice spoke just as he was about to push back the curtain of her room. John turned back to her, and Clarice was struck by the sight of him, with his rumpled clothes and sleep-mussed hair, but still with that air of leadership about him.

"Thank you," she said finally. "For staying with me last night, I mean." John stood there for a moment, then he smiled, the soft, gentle smile that made Clarice's heart flutter.

"You're not alone anymore, Clarice," he said. "It's like I said last night. We're in this together." Clarice nodded, unable to speak past the sudden lump in her throat. John gave her one last small smile, then ducked out of her room.

Clarice flopped back against her pillow, hands covering her face. She wasn't sure if she was going to laugh, cry, or throw up. Zingo whined, nudging Clarice with her nose. Clarice reached over and rested her hand on Zingo's head, idly rubbing the dog's ears just the way she knew Zingo liked it.

"I am so screwed," she muttered, but she couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.