Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - According to the polls, there was a tie between the idea of Izzy dating one of the new guys or dating Ezekiel. Pie was a very close third place. Very interesting, and one of the highest amount in polls I've seen.

Not only is there a new poll up, but it's about something we all know and hate (or most of us do). I offer no apologies to the sexual predator stories, aka vampire novels.

Also also, I know there are a lot of vampire stories and pop culture references I can do, but there's only so many references I can fit. And may I say, you guys and gals crack me up; I update my story, and you finish your review with "When's the next one?" I have spoiled you all a little too much, methinks.

Chapter 24 - Dracula's Castle Mania

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(Janitor's Closet - Coming in right off the bat!)

Izzy - *She has apparently taken a shower, as her wet hair is clinging to her head, and she's wrapped in only a towel.* "Gwen was still in the shower when I took my spur-of-the-moment shower at 1 AM. Still upset about her boyfriend, and she snapped at me something fierce, worse than the pet badger I had!"

*She taps her chin in thought.* "I think she suspects Heather of voting off Trent. To me, it doesn't matter, since I'm being super-nice to Heather for Ezekiel's sake. Besides, Trent was one of those people who stared at me oddly whenever I talked. And thus, being nice to Heather continues, and Izzy continues her own search for a boyfriend!"

*Izzy cheers and pumps her fists in the air, loosening the towel...*

Chris Maclean - *He is also wet and only in a towel.* "Man, they stopped my daily shower just to inform me that Izzy flashed the camera and it had to be edited. Did they have to call me out of the shower?"

*He mutters angrily as he shakes a bottle of hair gel.* "Honestly, a stadium's shower never runs out of hot water! And thus, my gorgeous hair gets the proper treatment before the hair gel!"

*Chris smears some in his hair and starts to rub it in. The vigorous applying of hair gel makes his body shake, loosening the towel...*

Groucho the Duck - *His eyes are wide.* "Oh the things I see in here when I'm on reconnaissance!"

(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)

The teenagers were busy eating and conversing, as per usual; however, unlike a high school cafeteria, there was a raccoon also eating a tray of food next to Beth and Justin. Every now and then, Beth would stroke the creature's gray fur, and he'd chatter approvingly. A duck, with a shocked expression on his face, was also arguing with the chef (Chef) over the case of the bacon being not crispy enough.

Anita was busy looking for Cody, hoping desperately to get some time alone with him. He was, unfortunately for her, with Eva again. Anita sighed, feeling too awkward to join in, stared at them as they conversed.

"Wow, you really do work out a lot," Cody admired her. "Did you take a shower this morning? Your skin looks a little wet."

"That's sweat," Eva said, flicking at a bead of said liquid. "Unfortunately, the showers were a little busy when I tried to use them."

"Likely story," Anita thought bitterly as she sat a short distance from them. "Now she's got him thinking of her in the shower..."

Cody's face had indeed lit up, and his grin was a little wider. He shook his head to clear away naughty images and said, "So, think we're doing another virtual reality challenge today?"

"I sure hope so, the last one was fun, and I am not restrained there. I'm usually worried about breaking equipment, the cheap crap Chris Maclean brings around. Think this would break some of his fake sets?"

She lifted her arm and flexed her muscle. Cody eagerly felt the bulge of power in that mighty arm, and whistled approvingly. "You'd tear them apart."

"And how I'd love to do that to," she said with a chuckle.

"Now he's feeling her up, and she's laughing! Eva! Laughing," Anita thought, slamming her forehead against the table, startling the nearby DJ.

(Janitor's Closet - Eva laughing? Wow, Cody is good!)

Anita - "I can be as tough as Eva, really I can! I'm engaged in a lot of physical activities back at my school, and... and..." *She stops and then face-palms.* "Man, that sounds so wrong. What I mean to say is that if I have to be tough like Eva in order to impress Cody, then so be it!"

Eva - *She chuckles and crosses her arms.* "So Cody likes a strong woman? That makes him all the more alluring, most guys are too intimidated by me. Why, when I snapped at him for trying to snatch my bacon, he just grinned at me fondly." *She sighs happily.*

Cody - *munching on some bacon* "So, I've been giving this more thought. I know a lot of people are wondering why I'm interested in Eva, but hey, I have a thing for tough women."

Lindsay was watching Noah, who was sitting next to Katie and Sadie. He was busy reading them passages from a novel, and the two were giggling. Katie had her arms wrapped around one of his, and she nuzzled his arm with her cheek.

The sight of romance and reading intrigued Lindsay. Tyler was busy, taking a shower despite the slight clamor for them this morning (and Lindsay couldn't help but daydream about the half-naked guys wrestling each other in the showers). Lindsay decided then and there that she should be prepared for romance when Tyler came back, and so she down near Noah.

"Hello, Nick," she said to Noah, putting on her friendliest smile. The bookworm was confused if he was the one being addressed, then he saw Lindsay nearby.

"Oh hi," he said, monotone. Sadie waved at her friend.

"Want to hear what Noah's reading?" Sadie asked her. "It's really, like, nice!"

"Oh, I was hoping I could read it myself," Lindsay said, grinning eagerly. "That way, I could be romantic too!"

Noah blinked a few times. "You want to read a book?"

"Yes."

"A real book?"

"Yes!"

He pursed his lips, then raised an eyebrow. "Do you know how?"

Katie elbowed him. "Oh don't be so rude now," she chastised him. "Let her read the book."

Noah rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine," he grumbled as he handed the novel over to Lindsay.

"Ohh-ho-ho-ho, yes," Lindsay gushed as she opened it up. She started looking back and forth, eyes eagerly scanning the book. Then after a while, she looked up and asked, confused, "Where's the On button?"

(Janitor's Closet - We don't have an On button.)

Noah - "I won't say that Lindsay is stupid. But I will say that if someone offered her headphones, she'd wonder how you install them there.

Katie - "Noah's dry wit is sometimes a little too dry, he can be really mean at times. I mean, I am still a little suspicious of why Lindsay wants to be more romantic with his book, but I think he overdid it a little."

Sadie - "Lindsay's a real sweetheart, and her boyfriend is such a hunk. Just like Katie and her boyfriend, though while she likes smart guys, I like tough guys. And lucky me, there's a lot of tough guys this season!"

Valerie sat down next to Zachary, trying to look non discreet as possible. "Zach," she said casually.

"Val," he replied, minding his food. "Breakfast is good today. Was really thinking I'd be up for torture this season, but thank Xander for keeping Chef out of the kitchen; he's a cool cat."

Valerie nodded, sampling her food. "So," she mused, "what do you think about last night's elimination?"

"It was a relief. Thank goodness I took care of business."

Valerie looked at him strangely, then shrugged. "Well, Trent deserved getting voted off. I'm glad things worked out the way I wanted them to."

Zachary looked at her strangely, then shrugged. "There's gonna be more drama, that's for sure. But hey, another white girl whining, who's surprised?"

Valerie sighed and looked away. "Things are becoming very rickety, we'll have to be careful, Zach. Also, we must be more careful with who we recruit."

"Darn right. Don't worry, girl, I'm sure we'll be fine. But I must say, we do have a bad history so far of people who were going to be on our side being voted off right away."

Valerie looked at him strangely again, then shook it off and smiled. "Well, at least we can trust each other. Like I trust you if we were alone in our room together, alone, before the challenge today."

She winked at him and walked off, him giving her a strange look to the back of her head.

(Janitor's Closet - Subtle, like Valerie?)

Valerie - *She is crossing her arms and fuming angrily.* "And when he did show up, it was just to get his wallet! Man! Why can't he take a hint? Am I doing it wrong? I've never subtlety told a guy I wanted to do something naughty with him."

Zachary - "Valerie weirds me out, how she goes from discussing our strategy in the competition, to being overly friendly and batting her eyes a lot. Does this contest turn her on or something? I don't get white girls."

Bridgette was walking over to Gwen, holding her tray in one hand. She waved at Ezekiel along the way, who smiled and waved back in the midst of cuddling Heather.

When Bridgette sat down across from the goth girl, she was surprised to see Gwen look away. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Still upset about Trent being voted off?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm really sorry. I miss him too, I cannot imagine why he was voted off. You want to talk about him?"

Gwen shook her head, sipping her drink. Bridgette swallowed nervously, looking around. "Who...," the surfer girl stammered, "who do you think voted him off? I cannot think of anyone who would."

"How about your boyfriend?"

The comment threw Bridgette off, and when she recovered, she frowned. "What does that mean?"

"He was glaring at Trent after that train challenge. He sure seemed to be mad at my boyfriend for some reason."

"And I suppose he gathered everyone up and had them vote him off?" Bridgette snapped, frowning more.

"Why don't you just ask him?"

"I don't have to," the surfer girl said before she stood up, took her tray, and walked off. She passed by Ezekiel again, who was startled by her angry expression.

"What was that a'boot, eh?" he asked his girlfriend.

Heather shrugged. "Goth girl's been snappish since this contest started. But I overheard the name 'Geoff'."

"You heard that? We're all the way over here."

"The queen bee's ears are trained to pick up far away conversations," she bragged.

(Janitor's Closet - Hopefully, she cannot hear this.)

Bridgette - "Gwen's temper is really getting irritating. Now she's accusing my boyfriend of voting off Trent? Why would Geoff do such a thing, he knows Trent and I are related now. I wish Gwen wouldn't jump to such conclusions."

Ezekiel - "Heather's got really good hearing skills, eh. Though now I'm a little nervous noo', what with Bridgette and Gwen arguing. Oh no, guess the shoo's going back to dray'ma? Man... I guess this is what it's like to be in high school, but with'oot the homework, eh."

Hannah was seated with Joel and Alfred, all of them casually discussing casual discussions. The religious girl was also fiddling with a hair band she had put in.

"Are you sure it looks good on me?" she asked as she touched the black hair garment again.

"I think so," Alfred said, nodding and smiling.

"It's just that Valerie gave me a look when she saw me wearing it. I'm not sure why."

"She wears one," Joel pointed out, "and I believe she's one of those people who believes if she does it, no one else is allowed, lest they be branded as a copycat."

Hannah nodded, fiddling with it again. "My mother used to wear these when she was young, this is one of hers. I really think it's cute, don't you?"

"Of course," Joel said. "You're close to your mother, aren't you?"

"And my dad, but yes, I am very close to her; I admire her," she said. Her smile was soon replaced with a sad sigh. "Which is why I really hope Chris gives me my Bible back soon, she gave me that."

Joel smiled at her. "Oh, about that, I have a surprise for you."

He reached into one of his larger pockets, and pulled out the good book. Hannah gasped, hugged him, then hugged her Bible. "Oh, you're wonderful," she gushed.

"Nice job dude," Alfred complimented him. "How did you do it?"

"I had to assure Chris a good time for his shower," Joel said. "Seems like he really wanted one, but I could go for one now, haven't had a chance yet."

Hannah, still holding her Bible happily, beamed at him. "I'll go check to see if they're available yet."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you again, you're the best."

As she left the table, a flushed-faced Joel let out a swoon. "By the crash of the moons," he gushed, "she gave me a kiss!"

(Janitor's Closet - We haven't got a kiss yet.)

Joel and Alfred - Joel - *Joel jumps for joy.* "I'm so happy! I got a kiss on the cheek from Hannah, man! You saw it!" *He spins around and then falls back into Alfred's arms, grinning happily.* "This is the best day ever!"

Alfred - "Way to go, man! You two are going to make an awesome couple!" *He smiles at his friend, then sniffs the air and coughs.* "But, um, dude? You really do need to take a shower now."

(Maclean Stadium, Arena)

The handsome host stood in front of the thirty-eight, all doing their usual activities that they did when they were forced to form up in front of him in the jam-packed stadium: talk amongst themselves, glare at him, make out, glance at others suspiciously, and sharpening their blades while plotting on who would be the most generous offering (actually, the last one was just Mandy).

"Welcome, campers," Chris Maclean said. "Or contestants, or players. Whatever you want to be called."

"Victims," Gwen snarled.

"Contract enslaved," muttered Noah.

"Can we call ourselves sexy?" Alfred asked. "I like being called sexy."

"I'm not calling you all sexy every time I greet ya, Alfred," Chris replied, frowning at this. "Now today, we have another virtual reality challenge!"

The crowd and the contestants cheered, Izzy loudest of all. "Maybe this time," she said, "I'll actually get to fight!"

Chris Maclean nodded to acknowledge the cheering. "That's right! We had Joel working nonstop to make sure Vera was fixed."

Hannah looked over at her friend, only to see he had fallen asleep on his feet again. Alfred nudged him, and he woke with a shout, "Gah, band practice!"

"Did he make you fix Vera too?" Hannah asked him. "When was it broken?"

"He busted it last night," Joel explained as he wiped his eyes. "Don't ask me how he breaks it every time he enters the game."

Hannah pat his shoulder in comfort. "There there, Vera will endure Chris' ego one day."

"One can only help. Maybe I should get one of those terabyte memory drives for more room."

"How much do those hold?"

"Let me put this way, my fair lady," Joel said, smiling at him. "If Noah had one of those for his ark, he wouldn't have had to just take two of every animal."

As Hannah giggled and playfully punched Joel's shoulder, Lindsay stared at them in confusion. "But why would Noah," she asked, pointing at our Noah, "need an ark? Or animals?"

"We're digressing," Chris barked. "Back to me! Now today, we'll do what a lot of you wanted to do yesterday: vampires! Your favorite bloodsuckers are your opponents for today!"

The crowd went wild again, and the very high-pitched of fan girls could be heard throughout the stadium.

(Janitor's Closet - Vampires could sleep in a closet until dusk, you know.)

Mandy - "Ah yes, vampires! The epitome of horror and loss of control. You cannot stop a vampire from feeding, and the Old Gods love using them as minions. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a vampire. I gave up on that dream when I found out that female vampires have to dress like Halloween skanks, according to all known sources."

DJ - "Vampires now?! First zombies, now these monsters? Why? What is with this obsession over scary things with people?"

Justin - "Personally, I thought it was always strange how Dracula could be so hypnotic when he's an old man with pale, white skin. The only way that could hypnotize me would be if I was standing there, wondering how much time in the sun he'd need to look like a human being again."

Harold - "When I was in Possum Scouts, I did this huge report on how to fend off a vampire attacker. They gave me the Defense Against the Dark Arts badge for that. Or I may have made that one, it's hard to tell."

"Wait a minute," Arthur exclaimed over all the loud cheering. When the other contestants stopped making noise, he continued to say, "These aren't Twilight vampires, are they?"

"Oh, I sure hope so," gushed Sadie.

"Oh, I sure hope not," Harold grumbled.

Chris tapped his chin. "Well, we set the vampire generator on random. You might get Twilight vampires, or a whole different type of vampire."

"I object to them even being called vampires," Anita huffed. "They resemble nothing like a vampire!"

"Yes they do," protested Katie.

"Vampires," Tyler snapped, "do not sparkle!"

Chris cleared his throat. "Enough with the debate wars. We could go on like this for years. The point is, we need to explain this challenge to you all.

"You will be divided into two teams, half and half. Each team, decided by you guys, will be divided into six separate teams. Both major teams are going to be in their own world, and in that world is Dracula's castle!

"You will be storming inside Dracula's castle, fighting his many vampire minions. Get to his lair, and slay him! The first team to kill Count Dracula wins the contest!"

The host smiled with pride as he looked at the anxious faces of the campers. "I know what you all are thinking."

"No, you don't," Belinda replied.

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," most of the contestants repeated in unison.

"Now stop that," Chris snapped. "What you are all thinking about, right now, is how you are going to fight the zombies. Now you'll all start with one of the random weapons: wooden stake spear, blessed katana blade, or a super soaker full of holy water."

"Those all sound lame," Eva snorted.

"Except the blessed katana blade," Yoshi remarked. "Wouldn't mind going to vampire town with one of those."

"Personally, I hope I don't get that super soaker," Harold said as he fiddled with his glasses. "That'd run out of ammo fast."

"It's unlimited," Chris said. "Also, hidden in Dracula's Castle is a plethora of really neat weapons: a vampire-slaying whip, a holy sledgehammer, an crossbow with holy bolts, guns with enchanted bullets, a crucifix baseball bat, holy cola of frizzy spraying-"

"A crucifix baseball bat?" Hannah repeated, looking away nervously. "That... doesn't sound really nice."

"Are you going to stir up trouble again?" Chris snapped, rolling his eyes. He headed right for Hannah, surprising her. "You know, the producers told me that you are still being major trouble, especially in the last challenge."

Leshawna snorted. "What trouble? She was on a cellphone conversation."

Colin, however, was much more on Chris's side. "Yeah, she's really being spewing a lot of foul things," he added. "It's getting to be intolerable."

Chris raised an eyebrow. "A witness, eh? Well Hannah, tread carefully."

The religious girl, nervously clutching her Bible, could only find herself nodding and muttering, "Y-yes." As the host walked off, Joel stepped up next to her and rubbed her shoulder.

"Why does he always have to pick on you?" he grumbled.

"I don't know, I just don't want to lose this again," she replied, holding her Bible close to her. She managed to smile at Joel and added, "Not after all the trouble you went through to get it."

"And now, the teams," Chris Maclean announced. "And this time, we put a lot of thought into the teams, didn't just slap them all together."

Noah let out a very loud cough that sounded like a word that wasn't "cough cough." Chris frowned at this, and said, "The first team is the Hunters! It consists of the following people:

"Alfred, Arthur, Carol, Clive, Cody, Colin, Crystal, Eva, Geoff, Hannah, Harold, Howard, Izzy, Joel, Justin, Mandy, Noah, Tyler, and Xander.

"The second team will be the rest of the contestants, but I'll list them for the heck of it:

"Anita, Belinda, Beth, Bridgette, Courtney, DJ, Ezekiel, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Leshawna, Lindsay, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki, Sebastian, Valerie, Yoshi, and Zachary."

This caused a plethora of reactions. Anita looked glumly as Eva stood next to Cody, grinning at him. Yoshi and Zachary went right to glaring at each other. Katie and Lindsay sadly said good-bye to their boyfriends, while Alfred was with Izzy and Mandy in seconds.

The biggest reaction was Colin towards Hannah. "I'm not being on the same team as that fanatic," he exclaimed, pointing her finger at her. "She won't behave, I know that now!"

"Oh really now?" Arthur snapped. "Last virtual reality challenge, you killed three team members, most of them intentionally."

"Hey c'mon, that was all in fun," Colin said, smiling and shrugging. "It wasn't on purpose, was it Geoff?"

"Huh?" the party animal was busy watching Bridgette, who was joining her teammates and still looking upset at Gwen. Guilt welled up in him, and he muttered, "Y-yeah, whatever man."

"See? Now if church girl promises to behave, I'll be good too," Colin exclaimed.

Crystal scowled at this. "That isn't necessary-"

"Actually," Chris, hanging up his cellphone, said aloud, "according to our fair, unbiased, kindhearted producer, Hannah needs to promise she'll behave."

"And thus," Alfred grumbled as he watched Hannah say what she was instructed to say, "the nice religious girl has to promise to be nice to the bully."

"And you all wonder why I think life is unfair," Clive muttered.

"Naw, I'll only think that if we have to fight Twilight vampires," Howard said, chuckling to himself.

Meanwhile, Noah was thinking of the new teams. After reviewing the names of all the people involved in both teams, he smirked at Chris and called out, "I see what you did there!" [1]

(Janitor's Closet - Should we apologize to Colin too?)

Crystal - "As I think I mentioned before, I'm not really into Twilight. Or vampires, for that matter. It's hard for me to think of romance, sex, and love with some bloke who wants to suck your blood through your neck. That always strikes me as rather gross, eh wot."

Gwen - "I think I would rather eat my own eyeballs than read the Twilight, and I'm rather sick of people thinking I read it. Is it because I'm a goth, or a teenage girl? Well, I have taste, thank you very much."

Lindsay - *She is wearing Noah's book on top of her head.* Kathy and Sally told me Twilight was a book too, and I'm still trying to figure out how to make these things work. Maybe wearing them like this, with the pages open up on top of my noggin, the words soak right in, like a dye-job!"

Howard - "Yeah, I kid Twilight, I've read it. What, if you want chicks to like you, you gotta read what they like! I didn't mind it, I've done worse to impress girls."

Chef Hatchet - *He is holding up a sign that says, "Team Jacob, or else".*

(Team Hunters)

"So our mission is to attack Dracula's Castle," Noah said, tapping his chin, "and kill Dracula."

"Sounds relatively easy," Tyler said. "We just gotta put ourselves in six teams, and fight to the top."

"Who's leader?" Izzy asked. "If no one calls dibs on leader, I want to be leader!"

"We want to kill Dracula," Justin remarked, "not ourselves."

As Izzy stuck her tongue out at the male model, Arthur cleared his throat. "You know, I haven't had much say in these things," he said, "and I'd like to contribute and be leader."

"That seems fair," Howard said, "a schemer would be really nice to have in Dracula's Castle."

"Excuse me?" Arthur asked, glaring at Howard. "What does that mean, now?"

"Dude, that's your profile on the web site," he replied. "We all have our stereotype, you're the schemer."

Arthur blinked in surprise. Joel, being handy, gave him his iPhone with the show's web site on it. As the spikey-haired teenager surfed through to find his profile, Harold spoke up. "I don't think we really need a leader here," he said, "lest we fall into one of those little traps Chris always sets up."

"Whacha got on your mind then, super nerd?" Xander asked, smirking at Harold.

The super nerd smiled back, proud of his nerdiness. "Well, my good rebel sir, I think we should just set up the teams, and let them decide who leads them."

Joel waved his hand. "I want Hannah and I to be on the same team!"

"That sounds fine-"

"And I want to be on their team," Colin exclaimed, grinning. "Someone needs to keep an eye on Hannah."

"Why you spiked cretin," Joel snarled, "don't make me get my foot long screwdriver-"

"It's okay, Joel," Hannah said, patting his shoulder. "Someone has to be with him, and I think we can keep an eye out on him."

"And if he misbehaves," Tyler said, walking up to the couple, "I'll be right there too."

"Ooo, he's so nice," Izzy crooned as Tyler and Joel high-fived. "No wonder he's Ezekiel's friend. Well, I think the next team should be Izzy, Mandy, and Alfred."

"I approve," Alfred said eagerly.

"Lucky S.O.B.," Howard muttered.

"Cody's with me," Eva exclaimed, loud enough for Anita on the other team to hear, thus slightly deafening her own team. "And we'll take the other ladies' man."

"I think I'll take the emo boy," Carol said proudly, hugging Clive from behind and squeezing him ("Awk, my spleen!"). "And I'll take the schemer too, he's really tough like me!"

"You gotta be freaking kidding me," Arthur exclaimed.

"Hey dude, all you have to do is say no."

The schemer was looking at his profile page on the web site, and he didn't hear what Carol said. He just looked up in a combination of anger and confusion. "Sorry, what?" he asked her.

Geoff looked around the rest, and quickly stood next Justin and Noah. "I'll take these two," he exclaimed. "Because they don't care so much about the deal with Trent, I can avoid having to talk about it."

"I'm with Anti-Me?" Noah spat out, glaring at Justin.

"Oh, relax, your girlfriend's not here, no need to be defensive," Justin replied. He was a little off-put when Noah began to mime loading a magnum revolver, pushing in each bullet at once and spinning the cartridge.

Harold looked at the remaining two: Xander and Crystal. "Well, guess that leaves me with you two."

"Couldn't be more pleased," Xander said, winking at Crystal. The romantic blushed and looked away, nervous as ever.

"Really? I thought a tough guy like you would hate being with a super nerd," Harold remarked.

"Nerds are rebels too, at least that's how I see it," he replied. "Anyway, you'll definitely be the best vampire killer, I think."

Harold puffed up his chest and beamed in pride.

"Seriously, what the hell," Arthur spat at the web site.

(Janitor's Closet - We're profiled as The Closeted One.)

Arthur - " 'The Schemer'? That's what they have me down as? I wouldn't have minded the Planner, the Idealist, the Tough Guy, even the Loner would have been fine! I'm not social, fine, but seriously, Schemer!? No wonder I've been getting a few odd looks from the others."

Beth - "I overheard Arthur's troubles, and I gotta say, I sympathize for the poor guy. They have me down as the Wannabe! Why? I cannot believe they'd do something so mean..."

Tyler - "Arthur thinks he has it rough? I'm the Sporto Who Sucks At Sports! Seriously, how degrading is that?! I would have been just fine with the Jock!"

Xander - *He idly flicks at his raven bang.* "Hey don't look at me, I'm just fine with my title."

(The Slayers)

"Okay, I'm not going to hear any objections," Courtney spoke up, crossing her arms and putting on her "official" voice. "I'm going to be leader."

"Right, so you can get immunity if we fail this?" Leshawna snapped.

"Don't get snotty with me, you owe me big time for the abuse I took on the train!"

"It was a wedgie, tickling, and a couple other pranks," Gwen scoffed. "Quit acting so high and mighty."

"I don't have a problem with Courtney leading," Bridgette said, casting a glare at Gwen. The goth girl glared right back, and it seemed to get colder around the Slayers.

Sebastian cleared his throat. "I have to say, how can you be leader?" he asked. "We're being divided into six teams, you cannot monitor all of us."

Courtney tapped her chin, then snapped her fingers. "Well, I'll decide the teams. I think that's within my strengths as a CIT."

"I have faith in Miss Courtney," Rodney exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Me too," Lindsay said, clapping cheerfully. "I think she's really nice, despite being a gothic girl."

"That's Gwen, I'm Courtney," Courtney said to Lindsay. "And will you take that book off your head, Lindsay?"

"So what are the teams then, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Well," Courtney said, after removing the book from Lindsay's head, "I think the first team should be Gwen, Leshawna, and Tyler, since you three seem to be so capable of doing things together."

"Tyler isn't here," Leshawna said.

"Oh. Fine then, um, Anita! You go with them."

Anita was staring at the other team, watching Eva get close to Cody. She was biting her lip, and it wasn't until someone tapped her on the shoulder that she paid attention. "Sorry," she muttered, "I'm with who now?"

When informed, she brightened up. "Oh, goody! Gwen, Leshawna, and I? We're gonna be a team of butt kickers!"

Courtney nodded with a dismissive wave, and said, "Moving on, I'll be with Ezekiel and Heather."

"What?" Heather said, frowning at the CIT.

"Don't argue, it's all for good reason, I assure you."

"Can Sadie and I be together?" Katie pleaded, getting on her knees and begging Courtney. "I'm so gonna, like, lose it if I have to enter a big, scary castle without her!"

"Fine fine," Courtney grumbled. "You, Sadie, and... Zachary!"

"Huh?" Zachary exclaimed. Amid Valerie's protests, Katie and Sadie went to go stand next to him. They were giggling in seconds.

"I love what you do with your hair," Sadie remarked, feeling Zachary's long hair.

"Now then," Courtney continued, "Bridgette and Yoshi, I want you watch over the kid."

She pointed at Rodney, who looked surprised. Yoshi shrugged and nodded, Bridgette pat Rodney on the head.

"Sebastian, you be with Sakaki and Lindsay," Courtney said, "and make sure she doesn't wear her weapon on her head, or something stupid like that."

Sebastian frowned at her. "I don't think I appreciate that implication."

"Yeah," Lindsay pouted. "Sakaki wouldn't put a weapon in her head! That would hurt!"

"And then there were four," Courtney said, turning to the rest. "Valerie, DJ, Belinda, and Beth. Have fun, and try to stay alive."

"That's always good advice," Belinda said with a chuckle.

Valerie sighed, looking at her teammates. "This is gonna be fun. Two cowards and a dreamy girl as my teammates, I'm gonna be zombie chow. I can only hope it's something sexy like Edward."

"Yuck," Gwen spat.

"Ick," Leshawna added.

"Oh, don't be so judgmental," Courtney replied. "I think they're fine books."

"All Twilight complaints aside," Sebastian said, "are we ready for the challenge?"

(Janitor's Closet - Never had an Edward or Jacob in here.)

Courtney - "There's a good reason I want Heather and Ezekiel on my side. I think Heather voted Trent off, and I need to make sure she's not up to her usual, devious ways, lest I get blamed for it to. Though I am completely innocent this time around." *She huffs and glares at the camera.* "Seriously, it annoys me when Leshawna and Gwen try to find fault in me still."

Leshawna - "Courtney really does get on my nerves at times. I'd have no problem with her being leader if she didn't use that tone that implies she's far better than us. We get enough abuse from Heather, even if hers is not so subtle."

Rodney - "Sometimes I really wish we could all just get along. I mean, why can't we all be friends? Courtney, Leshawna, Gwen, they're all smart. They're all nice too." *He pauses, then taps his helmet in thought.* "Well, Gwen's not very nice these days... that's a shame I really like her, she's pretty despite the fact that she looks a little scary."

Yoshi - *annoyed* "What annoys me is how some of these people act like they're qualified to lead in combat. How does being a CIT help in slaying vampires, or zombies, or anything else that we'll be fighting? Like werewolves or demons, or maybe, just maybe..." *He clenches his sword handle as he utters the name of his ultimate rival.* "Ninjas!"

Chico the Raccoon - *hanging from the ceiling as Yoshi talks* "lolz, i haz leet ninja skillz too!"

Yoshi - "I knew you were in here the whole time, raccoon."

Chris watched as all the members of both teams sat down in the virtual reality chairs. Joel was patting the side of Vera, whispering comforting words. "It's fine," he said, "you'll be able to handle these egos, Chris isn't joining us."

Chef Hatchet was touched by this, and was gentle with the controls this time. The thirty-eight teenagers all relaxed as their minds were taken to a virtual world. A world where, in the middle of frozen peaks, where the sky and air were as cold as death, life itself seemed to be draining. The castle, obsidian and diamond, snow white and night black, was a terrifying sight of spires, gargoyles, and nasty big pointy ends.

This was Dracula's Castle, where the Hunters were hurrying in, and the Slayers were scurrying inside.

(Slayers, Team 1 - Anita, Gwen, Leshawna)

The three girls, armed with wooden spears and katanas, were sneaking into a back door of some kind. Anita gripped her katana blade tightly when she heard a fluttering of wings.

"You have entered our master's lair," an evil voice hissed from above. The three girls looked up, but couldn't see anything on the obsidian ceiling. "Your lives are forfeit, but be glad, as you three are beautiful women, the master will keep you as his slaves."

"Ah, classic Dracula with sexy vampira women," Gwen said, smirking. "Good, I was hoping for something dark."

"Girl, you crazy," Leshawna replied. "I would think you'd be annoyed, you've been in a bad mood these days."

"Yeah, but killing vampires makes me happy," Gwen replied.

"I can see that, but why are you snapping at Bridgette? She's your friend and all."

"It's personal."

"Um, hello?" the hissing voice from nowhere said. "I'm kind of threatening you..."

"Girlfriend, I'm gal pals with Bridgette too," Leshawna said. "You two are the most reasonable people I know, it hurts me to see you two glaring at each other like you just got out of a cat fight."

"Well, I told her I think her boyfriend voted off Trent."

"What? Gwen girl, you gotta be kidding!"

"Hey, you jerks," the voice shouted. "I'm trying to intimidate you! Stop ignoring me, or I'll drain the life out of you right here and-AWK!"

"Geoff vote off Trent? Why do you say that?"

"Why does everyone think he's innocent?" Gwen snapped. "He was glaring and frowning at Trent a lot before he left."

"Isn't Geoff your friend, girl?"

"... Yes, he is. Maybe I'm kind of overreacting..."

"Hey you two!"

Gwen and Leshawna turned to see Anita holding her bloodstained sword up. The corpse of a wiry vampire lay on the ground, slain with three sword swipes. "I killed our first vampire! And they're not Twilight, glitter-faced ones either!"

"Now I'm in a really good mood," Gwen said, holding up her wooden spear. "Let's go kill us some bloodsuckers."

(Hunters, Team 1 - Colin, Hannah, Joel, Tyler)

Tyler motioned for the other three to follow him into the entrance he had found. The four kept their eyes peeled in this hallway, decorated with scary gargoyle statues.

"There's nothing here," Hannah said, clenching her super soaker of holy water, "but I get the feeling we're being watched."

"Then keep your voice down, you stupid woman," Colin growled.

"Why don't you shut up?" Joel snapped.

"Don't tell me what to do! Or I'll tell the producers on Hannah here."

"You cannot get away with that for long."

As they talked, a gargoyle that was posing as a statue came to life and snatched Tyler. Hannah noticed it and started spraying the monster as the jock wrestled with the monster.

Joel joined in the fight, stabbing at the beast with his wooden spear. Colin, however, was not interested in the fight. He just watched, blowing on his knuckles, and watching with a bored expression.

When the fight was over, a very tousled Tyler stepped off the corpse of the gargoyle monster. He panted as he wiped himself off and picked his spear back up, then noticed Colin's inaction. "Hey dude, what the hell?" he snapped. "Why aren't you helping?"

"I'm feeling very oppressed by the church girl, and thus, I'm too intimidated to save the sporto who sucks at sports. Maybe if you all were more conscious of my self-esteem, I could contribute to our efforts better."

Hannah sighed, straightening out her blouse. Tyler made a neck-wringing motion with his hands, and Joel was trying very hard not to curse him out; he bit his lip and blood leaked out, and the vampires of Dracula Castle could smell it from all over...

(Janitor's Closet - What about our needs?)

Hannah - *She sighs heavily.* "Colin is rather difficult at times. I think he's picking on me since the producers are giving me a hard time too. Maybe after he realizes he doesn't have the kind of power to get me disqualified, he'll leave me be and realize how foolish his actions were."

Colin - "Think I get church girl kicked off the show if I say she's oppressing my views? I will if it works, and it really makes me wonder what oppressing means." *He chuckles.* "So what if I don't know what it means, as long as I get to hurt her."

*He grins wickedly, and adds something else.* "After all, with how things are going, hurting people is really making things work my way."

(Hunters, Team 5 - Geoff, Justin, Noah)

Justin snarled as a vampire lunged at him, grabbing the outstretched hands. As he wrestled with the monster, a spear plunged through the vampire's chest. With a gag, the creature hit the ground dead (again, since it's undead).

Geoff pulled his weapon out of the body, and said, "You okay, Justin man?"

"How's my hair?"

"Um, fine."

"Then I'm good," he said with a smile, picking up his katana blade. "Noah... hey, where's Noah?"

"I'm here," the bookworm said, stepping over a small vampire's corpse, half-melted from holy water. "This freak tried to snipe me, but I owned his sorry ass."

"Um, what?" Geoff asked.

"Sorry, my leet speak comes back to me when I start fighting, from my computer game days."

Justin shrugged. "Whatever man, just so long as we understand what you're saying."

He got a splash of holy water in the face for that remark. As Justin glared at Noah, the bookworm added, "Aw dang, your face is still there."

The three continued, and Geoff tried to ignore the silence. For some reason, silence was the most interrogating thing he had. Finally, shaking in frustration, he cried out, "In case you were thinking it, I didn't vote off Trent!"

Noah and Justin stared at him in confusion. "I wasn't thinking that," Justin said.

"Well, if you didn't vote for me, I'm cool," Noah remarked. "Besides, we got an issue here."

"What's that?" Geoff asked.

"Justin's face. It's large and troublesome."

Justin frowned. "My face is not large and troublesome. It was once awarded Best Face by my modeling agency!"

Noah scoffed. "Not going to stop me from making fun of it. I have eight older brothers and sisters, we made face jokes all the time."

Geoff nervously watched the two argue about Justin's face, cursing himself for letting that remark slip. Vampires around were wondering why those strange boys were arguing about faces when they had entered the most dangerous vampire's castle.

(Janitor's Closet - Not as closeted as your face.)

Geoff - "Guilt is a really hard pain, man. I hate it now that I voted for Trent, but can I do? I cannot take it back. I can only pray no one finds out about it."

(Slayers, Team 5 - Lindsay, Sakaki, Sebastian)

Sakaki was watching Lindsay, wanting to say something but too shy to say it. Finally, she caved in and asked Sebastian.

"Why is Lindsay carrying her weapon on her head?"

Sebastian shrugged, watching Lindsay trying to balance her super soaker of holy water on her head. He walked over and tapped her shoulder. "You know, we aren't going to make good time with your balancing act."

"Okay," the blonde said happily, taking the weapon off her head. "It really was hard to do too, I don't know why Saki would want to do it."

"What, me?" Sakaki asked, very confused. "But... but I wouldn't want to-"

She was cut off by a loud hissing noise as a vampire swooped down and tackled Sebastian. Both girls shrieked in horror and sprayed holy water all over the vampire. Thrashing around, the undead monster crawled away, hissing.

"Wretched women," it snarled. "You will be slaves of the master, your souls will belong to him!"

"That's...," Lindsay whimpered, "not nice."

"Of course it's not nice! Beautiful women belong to the master, though."

He was silenced when Sebastian cleaved its head off with his holy sword. "Meet your maker first, mister," he replied. "Typical vampire, sexual predator, leering at the women."

(Janitor's Closet - Not leering.)

Sebastian and Sakaki - Sakaki - "During the challenge, you said something about 'typical vampire'. What did you mean?"

Sebastian - "Well, I've always felt that vampires were the horror interpretation of sexual predators. They associate sex with violence, they have an ability to lure people to them, and they were usually men with a haunting but handsome look to them."

Sakaki - "Really? They were always creepy, I wouldn't want to date one."

Sebastian - "And that's another philosophy to them." *He chuckles.* "Sometimes, there's a lot to be said about looking at it in a simple way."

Sakaki - *blushing and giggling* "Yeah, I am direct. Well, that's not how I would describe me."

Belinda - *She flicks at her hair, then smiles at the camera.* "Many people think vampires are sexy these days. I find that to be rather disturbing, and unfortunately, even I cannot predict when this craze will be over. Sadly, the overall feel is here to stay, I think.

*She sighs, then shrugs.* "Oh well, at least it makes my own attraction to a certain kind of person more reasonable." *She grins at the camera.* "No, I'm not saying anything."

(Slayers, Team 2 - Courtney, Ezekiel, Heather)

The three young slayers had entered a rather large room, complete with open windows at the top. Heather was studying a book that had been laid open on a table as Ezekiel kept watch. Courtney was more intent on watching Heather.

"What are you doing?" the CIT asked suspiciously.

Heather glared at her. "In these fantasy stories, the weaknesses of mythical creatures is usually explained in some book or another. I was just checking to see if this had one."

"Does it?"

"No, it's gibberish," Heather said with a sigh as she closed it.

"Serves you right for fooling around the decor," Courtney huffed. "And never suspected you for being a fantasy freak."

"I am not! It's just that when we watch movies at home, sometimes my siblings get to choose."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I know you're no freak like that, but I have my eye on you."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that I think you were behind Trent getting voted off, and I'm not having people associate me with you any more."

Heather glared at Courtney, getting in her face. "That's none of your business, Courtney."

"It is too! I'm not going to do anything like last season, that was a terrible mistake on my part, and I admit it. But you, you do more stuff like that, and people will think I'm part of it."

"Listen you, I could care less about how you feel, you have enough problems with your boyfriend being a criminal."

"Oh, really?" Courtney snarled, right up in Heather's face. "Well, maybe you should consider your own boyfriend! If you go around voting off peoples' boyfriends, they'll go after yours! And then he'll be dead."

Some dark chuckling caught their attention, and they turned to see a vampire dragging off Ezekiel's limp body. Heather, after overcoming her shock, rushed forward and cleaved at the zombie with her holy katana. The vampire tried to fight back, but was no match against the violent slashing. Falling down, a bloody mess of limbs and wings, Heather stomped on the body.

Panting nervously, she hurried over to Ezekiel, and tried to revive him. When he didn't respond, he noticed the bloody bite marks in his neck, and felt no pulse. Cursing under her breath, trying not to sob, she turned away from her dead boyfriend.

"Thanks for jinxing it," she snapped at Courtney, blinking her moist eyes. The CIT swallowed, frowned at Heather, and opened her mouth to reply.

A swish and flutter of wings was the only warning a vampire was approaching, and the demonic creature tackled the CIT. Before Heather could react, the vampire kicked off the ground and flew off, holding the shrieking Courtney in his arms. It flew out the window, eventually out of sight and sound range.

Heather stood there, alone and shaking. She could hear evil laughter echoing throughout the halls, taunting her. Swallowing the heavy lump in her throat, she noticed the holy water super soaker Courtney had dropped. Picking it up with one hand and holding her katana in the other, she glared around the castle room.

"I refuse to go down next," she snarled. "Come bring it on, you haven't seen fury until you've seen a popular girl spited it!"

(Janitor's Closet - Popular, but not a spited girl.)

Heather - "There's a lot of truth to what Courtney said, I have to admit. It's funny, I dealt with 'guilt with association' all the time when I was a gossiper, and now Ezekiel could be a victim of it... it really doesn't seem fair."

(Hunters, Team 4 - Arthur, Carol, Clive)

Arthur slashed at the vampire with his left katana blade. The creature managed to dodge it, but the second katana cleaved its head off. As more vampires came, Carol sprayed holy water at them, Clive hiding behind her. Arthur was cleaving vampires left and right, and soon, they all lay dead at their feet.

"See?" he said. "Told you blitzing into the castle would work. A quick jog, and the vampires won't know what hit them. Thanks for letting me use your sword, Clive."

"No problem."

Carol giggled as she jumped on a vampire corpse. "Yay, we killed the vampires in one of their most crowded rooms, and we're still fine! Good plan, Mr. Schemer."

Arthur scowled. "Oh come on, don't call me that."

Some gurgling at the floor alerted their attention, and Arthur looked to see one of the vampires was not dead, just hanging in. As it coughed up blood, it said, "F-fools. You've alerted the master with your brazen rush. He... he is coming!"

Arthur snarled, then noticed something nearby that had been displayed in a glass case: a flashlight. Curious, he kicked at the display, shattering the glass. He took out the flashlight and turned it on, and it was incredibly bright. Shining it on the still-living vampire caused it to shriek, burn, and then turn to ash.

"A sunlight flashlight," Arthur admired as he tossed the device to Clive. "Here, emo boy, use it on the vampires. And your skin while you're at it."

"Ha ha, very funny, Mr. Schemer."

Before Arthur could reply, the room became cold, startlingly cold. Clive huddled and shivered, then felt a breeze right by him, where Carol had been standing. The enthusiast girl had been carried off by an unseen force, and slammed violently into the wall. As her body fell to the ground dead, the attacking creature snarled in frustration.

"Curses, this one was a woman," he snarled. "How unfortunate."

"Ack, Dracula," Clive shouted, falling backwards in his fright.

Arthur snarled and charged at the head vampire himself, swords gleaming. Dracula turned to face the teenager, snarling right back. A motion with his hand, too fast for a human to see, knocked one of the swords from Arthur's hand. The tough teen cried out, and then slashed with his other sword.

Dracula caught it by the blade, with his bare hand. Blood seeped from the wound, but you couldn't tell by his face that the monster was in pain. Like the virtual reality world, a vampire was dead, and felt no physical pain.

"It's not easy to kill," Dracula taunted Arthur, "what is already dead."

The head vampire dug its long nails into the boy's chest, and he felt his heart being penetrated; he silently thanked the fact that he couldn't feel pain too. Dracula dropped the dying teen in a heap, and headed for Clive.

"K-kill him," Arthur stammered to Clive, feeling his life force leaving him. "Use... use the sunlight!"

Clive, who had been paralyzed with fear, stared at the approaching Dracula. With a horrified gasp, he held up the sunlight torch and shone it on Dracula's face.

The head vampire covered his face, but the damage was done. And when Arthur saw what it had done, his weakening eyes widened in horror. "No... no," he struggled to say, gagging on blood.

There was glitter all over Dracula's face.

"We had our butts handed to us," Arthur whimpered as Dracula finished off Clive, "by a Twilight vampire!"

(Janitor's Closet - Ack, Dracule!)

Carol - "Man, that was really degrading. Defeated by a metro!"

Clive - "The most offensive thing is that Count Dracula, the most famous and horrifying vampire of them all, was made a Twilight vampire. Bram Stoker is so rolling in his grave, and Stephenie Meyer is dancing on it!"

--

--

--

Who will win the virtual reality battle against vampires? The Hunters or the Slayers?

What other horrors and monsters will they fight in Dracula's Castle?

And are we being too hard on Twilight? Or not hard enough?

Teams:

The Hunters

Team 1 - Hannah, Tyler, Joel, Colin

Team 2 - Izzy, Mandy, Alfred

Team 3 - Eva, Cody, Howard

Team 4 - Arthur, Clive, Carol

Team 5 - Geoff, Justin, Noah

Team 6 - Harold, Xander, Crystal

Dead or Captured - Carol, Clive, Arthur.

--

The Slayers

Team 1 - Gwen, Leshawna, Anita

Team 2 - Heather, Ezekiel, Courtney

Team 3 - Sadie, Katie, Zachary

Team 4 - Yoshi, Rodney, Bridgette

Team 5 - Sebastian, Sakaki, Lindsay

Team 6 - Valerie, DJ, Belinda, Beth

Dead or Captured - Ezekiel, Courtney.

[1] - Noah smirked as he made a quick count on his fingers. "I see how Chris divided up the teams this time. If your name has two vowels exactly, you're with the Hunters, which has two vowels. And if you have anything else, counting Y in this case, you're with the Slayers. Simple, just like Chris's evil mind."

--

Next Up - Vampire slaying, hunting, poaching, killing, and other fun things to do with vampires! (Besides date them.)