Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if you're wondering where the next joke was in the last challenge's chapters, vampires suck the blood from the joke and I couldn't make a new one in time.

The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - The results of the poll were quite clear. An overwhelming amount of you wanted to have a mix of canon and fanon. Some want all fanon, some want all canon couples coming back together. The smallest amount were people who told me not to dare to do it.

So the next part is to see which couples you people want to see permanently break up, and date other people. Just keep in mind that you might want to not vote for couples with people you don't like, because then you have to see me focus on them hooking up with people too.

Which three couples of the six canon couples do you want to see break up, to date other people?

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Warning - The following challenge contains lots of hormones in usage here! We will be experiencing kissing, hugging, groping, snogging, and loving. We also expect wardrobe malfunctions, boy-on-boy kissing and girl-on-girl kissing, so if this is the kind of stuff that upsets you, we are sorry to say that that is the kind of fan service is what drives the boat today.

Be sure to try some of this in your lives.

Chapter 28 - Fan Service and Man Service!

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(The Harbor)

The race was on! The seven boats were starting on their cruise, and everyone seemed to be going at the same speed. Chris, Chef, and Billy were all waving them good-bye. Duncan was also there, standing on the harbor and calling out sly remarks to his girlfriend.

"Odd how they're all going the same speed," Chef noted. "That means there isn't some kind of super popular team already."

"Naw," Chris said with a wave of his hand, "we're gonna need to see some red stuff spilt, skin exposed, and dramatic encounters."

"Blood, sweat, and tears," Billy said, smiling.

Both the host and co-host stared at him. "What?" they asked, confused.

"Never mind," the intern said, shrugging his head.

"Why don't you jump in the water to make sure there's no sharks, dude?" Chris asked.

Billy chuckled, then it dawned on him. "Oh. You're serious, aren't you?"

"Do I look like the kind of guy who jokes around?"

The intern was wise enough to walk a few steps away from the two, in case they threw him in. As he watched the departing boats, he saw Carol waving at him, blowing kisses. Blushing slightly, he waved back at her.

"So, who did you put money on, dude?" Chris asked Chef Hatchet.

"Wait, you guys bet on these challenges?" Billy asked them. "Isn't it immoral for the creators of the show to make bets on the contestants?"

The host and co-host exchanged glances, then burst out laughing. Billy frowned and walked further away from them, as Chris slapped Chef on the back, then the cook slapped the host on the back and accidentally knocked him over.

(Janitor's Closet - Reporting LIVE!... after the race is over.)

Billy - "Okay, just where do those two get off being so high and mighty? I don't mean to sound bitter and all, but I think they seriously need to be brought to reality before-"

Chris Maclean - "... he won't last a week. Luckily, we got the extra insurance, kind of like with rental cars. Interns are like rental cars, kids: they don't have feelings, they're expendable, and they're useful only for testing dangerous stunts. They aren't good for anything else."

Billy - *sniffs and wipes a tear from his eye* "After my last girlfriend, I didn't feel like I could love again. But, you know, I'm willing to give it a try. Like mom says, every human being is unique so there could be someone for me. And I feel I need a little motivation, because after this job, I'm going to college to get my degree in medicine."

Chef Hatchet - "And that Billy guy smells too."

Billy - *looking at an aerosol can of cologne* "I should stop using Mr. Maclean's cologne. Sure, it's expensive stuff, but I think some small birds drop from the trees near me yesterday."

(Team 1 - Sakaki (L), Belinda, Howard, Katie, Sadie, Sebastian.)

Sakaki watched the shore slowly move away, and waved back at Billy (not knowing the waves were for Carol). She turned to her teammates, who mostly were just enjoying the view. With a shy clearing of her throat, she tried to catch their attention; however, it was probably loud enough for herself to hear it, and only her.

"Um, guys?" she managed to speak up so they could hear her. "What... what shall we do first?"

"Guess it is time to start entertaining the masses, eh?" Howard said, looking at one of the cameras on the boat. "I think you were right, Belinda."

"About how you can't normally be interesting on demand?"

"Yep. So, who wants to try something first?"

The team was silent, then a small moan sounded off. They looked to see Sebastian sitting down and leaning against the cabin, rubbing his stomach. Groaning in agony, he looked the picture of ill health; even his dreadlocks looked sickly.

"Oh Sebby," Sadie exclaimed and hurried over him, as did everyone else. "What's wrong?"

"The sea and I do not get along well, my ladies and gentleman," he admitted. "I think my sea stomach has come back to me right away."

"I'm never heard of such an expression," Howard said as Sakaki massaged Sebastian's shoulder.

"Then I made it up. I can do that, it works all the time."

Belinda smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Really? Like what?"

"Woot, pwn, blogging, leet-"

"You win," she replied with a chuckle. "But seriously, are you going to be like this the whole way?"

"Possibly. I thought I could hold in my sea stomach longer."

"Oh dear," Sakaki said, massaging his shoulder. "Well, I could stay here and keep you company, if... if you don't mind?"

As the Japanese, moe girl blushed and managed to smile at Sebastian, who was smiling at her as well, Belinda faced the camera. "You heard it, folks. Sakaki is going to watch over Sebastian while he feels bad. Sweet, huh?"

The boat began to pick up speed slightly. The romantic appeal was obviously working. "There's so many people online right now," Howard said, "going, 'Awww, that's so sweet'."

"So," Katie said, looking around excited, "what's next?"

Belinda shrugged. "We got romance, next is sex appeal, I guess."

"Oh, how do we do that?"

The clairvoyant shrugged, then headed down into the cabin for reasons yet unknown. Katie and Sadie exchanged glances, and then turned to Sakaki. "Maybe we could do some kind of communication game?" Sadie asked.

"Or we could dance," Katie said enthusiastically. "Sadie and I do a really sexy dance!"

Howard didn't look too excited about this, but he did when Belinda emerged from inside the boat. She was wearing a yellow tank top, a visor, shades, and had exchanged her brown skirt for dark blue shorts. Looking up at the sky, she said, "Such a beautiful day for a cruise. I decided to go for a more casual look."

"Very sexy," Howard said, grinning as he looked at her.

"Well, it is nice," Sadie commented, looking Belinda over. "But why that look?"

"Easier to do this," Belinda said, then lifted her tank top up to expose her white bra to them and the camera. Howard's eyes bulged and he had to look away, blushing red.

"Wow," Katie whispered to her best friend. "She's, like, a really healthy girl."

"Very healthy," Sadie replied.

Howard, recovering from the shock of seeing his crush's bra, cleared his throat. "So, who's next?"

"Ewww," Katie squealed, frowning at Howard. "You don't expect Sadie and I to do that too, do you?"

The fluctuating speed of the boat was only encouraging Howard. "Yes! C'mon, Belinda's tough enough, you two do it!"

"No no no," Sadie said, waving her hands. "Belinda's much braver than I am."

Howard seethed, having hoped to see more bra shots. He shrugged, and said, "Okay, how about you two kiss?"

Both Katie and Sadie looked horrified by the suggestion, which surprised Howard. "What? You two seriously haven't shared a kiss?"

"On the cheek, yes," Katie balked, "but we don't kiss! Do you know how many rumors there are at school of us being... you know?"

"Quite a few, I imagine," Belinda mused, looking up into the air to catch a sea breeze. "Does that rule me out of kissing too?"

"Um, I think so."

"Yeah, sorry, but we really don't want to encourage people thinking we're... you know."

Belinda shrugged. "I figured as much. Don't be upset with Howard, girls, he just wants us to win this contest."

"Y-yeah," Howard stammered, looking at Belinda thankfully. "After all, Katie, you got together with Noah during a cruise."

"That's, like, so true!"

The ladies' man nodded, then looked at Sakaki. "Hey, Sakaki! You want to kiss Belinda for some more watchers?"

It took about three seconds of Sakaki thinking of all those people watching her do something like that, and she fainted dead away. Sebastian began fanning her, trying to bring her back.

Katie and Sadie glared at Howard, who stared down at his toes. "Dumb thing to say, huh?" he asked.

"Your heart was in the right place, but your mind was in outer space," Belinda said.

"Yeah," Sadie scoffed, "outer space's gutter!"

(Janitor's Closet - Does outer space's gutter drain to outer space's ocean?)

Katie and Sadie - Sadie - "I know Howard means well, and he likes girls, but I think he's... like, way too forward sometimes."

Katie - "True, he's like Cody. But... he's not really as charming. And he kind of went too far asking Sakaki to try kissing for the camera!"

Belinda - "Howard is rather clumsy at times, but he does mean well. Just gotta get that hormone gauge set."

Howard - "Girls are wonderful beings. Being raised with my sisters, still, doesn't give me all the experience I thought I had. Seems most girls don't like being teased like your sister could tolerate."

Sebastian and Sakaki - Sebastian - *He is fanning her again, she looks kind of pale.* "You okay, Sakaki?"

Sakaki - "My tummy feels ookie."

Sebastian - "Darn sea stomach acting up on you too?"

Sakaki - "And nerves. Nerves and sea stomach make an ookie combination."

Sebastian - "Thus we make up another word: ookie. Well done, Sakaki."

(Team 4 - Gwen (L), Alfred, Bridgette, Geoff, Leshawna.)

"Wait, you're telling me none of you girls brought bathing suits?"

Geoff stared at the three ladies, completely shocked. Gwen shrugged and said, "What can I say? I didn't want to be wearing one just to give guys cheap thrills."

"Sorry sugar, didn't think of that, just sun screen and such," Leshawna said, applying some to herself and Gwen.

Geoff looked at his girlfriend. "Even you, babe?"

"You know I normally wear a wet suit for such things, and I didn't think I'd need that," she replied. "I mean, I'm trying to stay out of the water."

Geoff sighed. "Man, this isn't going to be easy. We'd get much more attention if you babes were in bathing suits, bra!"

Alfred swiped Geoff's hat, and before the party animal could protest, the gonzo placed his own hat on the party animal's head. Putting the cowboy hat on his head, Alfred giggled and pointed at Geoff. "With that, you look like a real pool boy there, dude!"

Geoff tapped the lid of the hat, looked down at his own open vest, blue shorts, and sandals, and shrugged. "Yep, guess I do! But seriously, what do we do for ratings?"

" 'Old on a minute thar, pilgrim," Alfred said, putting on his best John Wayne imitation. "We got lots to do without a bathing suit or two!"

"Oh, you mean like, making out?" Geoff said, getting a large grin on his face. "Alrighty, cowboy! Bridgette, you and me got a date with hot intensity!"

"Um, Geoff," Bridgette looked nervously at Gwen. She wanted to say she promised their leader that she wouldn't make out nonstop with her boyfriend, but Geoff misinterpreted this.

"Oh, I get it, girl-girl kissing," Geoff said, grinning even more. Alfred's face also lit up and nodded a great many times. "Well, Bridgette, you and Gwen go at it."

Bridgette gaped at him, then blushed cherry red. "Um... on live TV?"

"We're always on live TV, babe! Now go for i-"

"No," Gwen said, grumbling and looking to the side. "I don't really feel up to that."

"What? But it's fan service, babe, fan service," Geoff exclaimed. "You have to do some things for the fans!"

"I only like kissing when I'm happy," she explained. "I like to kiss when I'm in a good mood and feeling romantic. I don't like doing that sloppy, wet, slurping kissing that I've seen y... seen some people do before."

Alfred was listening to every dirty word Gwen was saying, and nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, yes go on!"

Leshawna shook her head. "I'm not gonna do it if I can help it. I got little siblings at home, and I don't want to gross them out; no one likes seeing their siblings kissing someone."

Bridgette shrugged. "Well, I guess no kissing, Geoff."

Geoff looked rather disappointed, and the boat almost came to a halt after the news had set in. Noting the dismal speed, he muttered, "Well, what are we gonna do? Throw a party or something?"

The girls all looked around, trying to thinking of something but not coming up with anything. Alfred traced the rim of Geoff's hat on his head. The party animal had enormous patience, but this kind of slack planning was starting to irk him.

"You cannot have a rocking party without some kind of planning," he thought to himself. "I mean, there's food and music and location! Why couldn't they have-"

Then his mind wandered back to him voting off Trent, and also Hannah. His eyes looked at Gwen, and he bit his lower lip in guilt. His girlfriend was right next to her, and this in turn made Geoff chewed on his upper lip in enormous guilt. Then he realized Leshawna standing near them, and he thought of all the ways she could perforate him.

"Um, okay ladies," he whimpered, holding up his hands. "Please don't feel guilty or bad, or... or suspicious or anything like that."

The girls looked confused by this speech, and Bridgette was wondering why Geoff seemed so... guilty all of a sudden; however, Alfred wasn't feeling the least bit guilty, and was ready to speak his mind.

"How about boy-boy kissing?" he asked.

The others all looked at him. "The only boys here," Leshawna said, "are you and Geoff."

"I'm okay with that."

"Yeah, why not?" Gwen said, grinning. "Boy-boy kissing, for all the girls out there!"

Bridgette giggled. "Yeah, why not? Geoff honey?"

Geoff had been feeling guilty, but not quite that guilty. "Um, whoa, dudes, whoa, so, whoa!"

"C'mon, dude," Alfred said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "I dare ya!"

"You are way too eager," Geoff whimpered, backing up.

"It's just a kiss, I've done it before," Alfred said, pointing at the three gals on the boat. "It's for them, dude! The ladies love a little bit of boy-boy!"

"C'mon, c'mon," Gwen chanted, getting excited for the first time, grinning almost as much as Alfred. "Do it, do it!"

"Oh, it would be so cute, honey," Bridgette said, giggling. "C'mon, please try it!"

"Leshawna wants to see some loving," Leshawna said, clapping her hands. "Kiss him, Geoff, I wanna see this!"

The boat was starting to speed up, as was Geoff's retreat. "No, naw, nope, noooo," the party animal said, waving his hands and backing away from Alfred. "I don't wanna do this!"

"Why don't you wanna kiss me?" Alfred whimpered. "Please?" He extended his arms and approached him. "Kiss me! Just once!"

"No, I'm allergic to men's saliva!"

Geoff jumped back, which was really unwise, considering he was near the edge of the boat. Tripping over the side, he almost plunged into the water. Alfred managed to grab his leg in time, and Leshawna was over fastest (she had siblings, she was used to them almost killing themselves).

(Janitor's Closet - Where's the love?)

Geoff - "Okay, chyah, I'm not exactly into that kind of stuff. I should have, considering the serious hot water I'm boiling in." *He whimpers.* "I hate this! I never should have voted off Trent."

Gwen - "Geoff hasn't really been himself these days. I guess that's my fault, since I've been guilting him, and it's not likely he's done anything."

Leshawna - "Darn crazy kid. Kind of like when my brother tried jumping off our roof, using a blanket as a parachute! That wasn't a fun day for me, I was darn crazy in trying to catch him when I saw him doing that." *She winces.* "He was fine, I was rather bruised."

After the girls and Alfred pulled up Geoff, the party animal was gasping for air. "Oh dude," he said, then smiled. "That was a wonderful rush! Want to dangle me some more?"

"No," Bridgette cried out, hugging her boyfriend (and almost knocking them both over). "Please don't put yourself at risk like that."

Alfred was close to tears and trembling. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I'm so sorry!"

"Dude, it's okay," Geoff said, patting his friend on the back. "Just don't try to kiss me anymore."

The gonzo sniffed miserably, wiping his eyes and nodding. Leshawna pat him on the shoulder, trying to calm him down. "So, what will we be doing?" she asked them.

"Why not some drama?" Gwen suggested. "I mean, seriously, we can act interesting, can't we? Even if it's not real."

Bridgette cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean? Like, pretend something's wrong?"

"Chris does love the idea of us all breaking up, or fighting," Leshawna said. "We could... fake it, you know?"

Geoff grinned at this. "Yeah! We could, like," he lowered his voice in case the cameras heard him, "pretend that Bridgette and I are fighting or breaking up, and seeing how that works!"

Bridgette didn't look so pleased with this, but Gwen and Leshawna seemed to love it. "We could pretend Geoff is having a fling with one of the girls here," Gwen said. "And it's all fake, but the fans might love it."

The surfer girl still looked nervous, but then sighed and smiled. "You know, if it's all fake, I'm for it! Which girl is going to steal my boyfriend?"

Geoff looked nervous all over again, and his guilt was rising again. The party animal looked to the side and muttered, "Um, I don't want to really do that, now."

"How about me?"

Alfred stood there, grinning and bobbing on his feet. "I could be the one having an affair with Bridgette."

Gwen narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Uh-huh. You sure you don't want to be kissing Bridgette there, Alfred?"

The others frowned at Alfred suspiciously too, and the gonzo started to feel uncomfortable. After a few seconds of this, with him nervously tapping his fingers and trying to not notice three upset girls and one party boy, he then thought of something.

"Hey, what's up with this?" he asked. "Two minutes ago, you were all egging Geoff on to kiss me! How come this is so much more different?

Mouths opened, but no answers were given. Gwen was the first to react as she apologetically said, "Yeah, I think I overreacted there. I mean, I guess it's because I know you have a little thing for her, but I was asking for yaoi fan service just a couple minutes ago."

Bridgette giggled too, but was blushing red hot too.

(Janitor's Closet - How about closet-closet kissing?

Bridgette - "I still don't get why some boys really like me like that. I cannot be that interesting, can I? Well, at least it proves Chris wrong with what he said last challenge, that I am boring!" *She laughs, then looks to the side curiously.* "Still... I hope I'm not being mean to Geoff, he's being so sweet to me."

Alfred - "Yeah, I kissed a few guys back at school, back home in USA. No big deal, everyone knows I'm straight! My buddy Keith and I wanted to do something for the ladies, because my girlfriend of the time, she loved yaoi. Well, Keith, he wanted to prove he was a great kisser, but when he went for me, he kissed my nose! He totally flipped over that, weirdest experience I've never had." *He cackles, slapping his knee.*

(Team 3 - Courtney (L), DJ, Ezekiel, Lindsay, Rodney)

Rodney was rubbing Ezekiel's back, as the prairie boy was slumped on the side of the boat, moaning in agony. The prodigy was trying to comfort him, but it was doing little to help Ezekiel's queasiness.

"I don't understand how you're like this so quickly," Rodney commented. "You haven't seemed to have this kind of trouble before."

"Those boat rides weren't so bad, eh," Ezekiel muttered. "The trip to Total Dray'ma Island was on very placid water, and that cabin ride was rather... easy... erp!"

He learned over the side, dry heaving and gagging. Rodney continued to massage his back, as DJ and Courtney watched. The CIT shook her head and looked to the side. "This isn't going to bring up ratings," she muttered.

"Soo'ry," Ezekiel said as leaned against the side, groaning in pain and clutching his stomach.

Courtney was going to say something more, but then Lindsay came out from the inside of the boat. "How do I look?" she asked, posing. "I've never tried this bikini before, does it look good?"

To say it was small would be a rather large understatement. The tiny top was barely covering her large breasts, and the bottom was just about enough to cover a couple unmentionables. She swung her hips a couple times, and asked, "It doesn't make me look fat, does it?"

It made her look anything but fat. Ezekiel forgot his seasickness for a few seconds, and he had to look away from her in order for his mind to stay loyal to Heather. DJ was trying to keep it calm, but he was continuously looking at Lindsay when trying to look away.

Courtney was rather agitated. "Lindsay, is that necessary? Is that appropriate for Rodney?"

The bikini-clad blonde looked at Rodney, who was looking at her too. "You know, you're right, Havana," she admitted. "It would look really silly on him."

(Janitor's Closet - Would not look as good in a bikini.)

Courtney - "Okay, I know I wanted Lindsay on my team for this reason, but she takes it to the extreme! Seriously, is she desperate or something? You'd never see in such a small article of clothing!"

Lindsay - "My dad sometimes tells me that I might as well flaunt it while I can, because my beauty is what will ensure me a good life. I don't really get it, but I like it when boys pay attention to me. I mean, seeing those friendly faces feels nice, you know?"

DJ - "If my momma could read my mind when I saw Lindsay in that small thing, I'd be dead." *He pauses and then chuckles.* "Then again, if moms could read minds, none of us would make it past 16."

"Okay, fine, if you want to flaunt yourself like that," Courtney started, then the boat started to shoot forward. All five members were almost sent sprawling off their feet, and had to grab something to keep from being knocked over.

Ezekiel gripped the side and spewed into the ocean. Gagging, he sobbed and said, "I hate the sea, eh."

Rodney went back to rubbing his shoulders and back. Courtney, impressed by the speed, forgot about her issue with Lindsay. The CIT approached her and said, "Well, good work! At this rate, we'll be home shortly."

"Why are we going home, we want to still be in the contest, right?" Lindsay asked, confused as usual.

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Oh never mind. Now keep standing like that, do some poses or something."

"But I don't want to just stand here. Can't I say something, talk to you guys?"

"It's best if you don't talk. At all."

Lindsay looked startled by this, then miffed. "That's not right! I'm not just pretty, I have a brain."

Courtney rolled her eyes and walked off. Lindsay grew even more insulted and frustrated, and started shouting at her. The two girls started shouting at each other, terrifying DJ and Rodney. Ezekiel just leaned over the side, heaving and moaning in pain.

Eventually, the two girls calmed down. "Fine then," Courtney muttered. "Do what you want, just keep on wearing that thing. What are we going to do next?"

"We need to do more?" DJ asked. "But, the boat's moving really fast."

"We need to keep doing more, or the viewers are going to leave us," she said. "So what are we going to do?"

DJ shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Fan service usually involves, what, kissing?"

"There's no one here for me to kiss," Courtney muttered. "And if you think I'm kissing her," she jerked her thumb at Lindsay, "you're out of your mind!"

"I wasn't going to suggest that-"

"Why don't you kiss her?"

"I can't do that, Tyler's a friend of mine."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "I swear, why won't you people do things to win? Fine then, kiss Ezekiel."

DJ grimaced. "Is that necessary?"

"Do it! For crying out loud, DJ, you brought up kissing, why not you do it?"

The gentle giant swallowed, looking nervously at the angry Courtney and the sulking Lindsay, and decided to be a hero. He turned to approach Ezekiel.

Ezekiel let out a sickly moan, spitting out vomit. Green in the face and with a slight coating of puke on his lips and chin made DJ almost retch. Then he saw Rodney rubbing Ezekiel's back, and the prodigy looked up at the gentle giant.

"Oh hi, DJ," he chirped. "Did you need to ask Ezekiel something? You look like you want to."

DJ swallowed, and then shook his head. "Um, no, not really."

"Wimp," Courtney spat out, crossing her arms.

"Why are you so mean?" Lindsay cried, frowning at the CIT. "Why Duncan likes you, I don't know!"

Before Courtney could reply, Lindsay tapped her lips and then added, "Oh yeah! He's mean too!"

Lindsay laughed as Courtney fumed, stomping her feet and snarling. DJ waved his hands and muttered, "Please girls, can't we all just get along?"

"Yeah, you gotta play nice," Rodney said. "Here, you all want something interesting, right? Here, I got a mystery."

He knocked on his helmet. "I got something under my helmet! What's in my helmet? C'mon, you'll never guess!"

Waiting for suspense, he giggled and lifted his helmet. "It's my head! Hee hee hee!"

(Janitor's Closet - What's in my closet? It's my contestants!)

Rodney - "I know, that helmet and head joke was really corny, but my sister loves it. She loves those kinds of puns, though I don't think many other people do. Oh well, that one was for you, sis!"

Ezekiel - "I knoo' I was an awful mess during that challenge. Rodney was so nice, comforting me when I was sick as a dog. I wonder if I could adopt him, eh? I always wanted to be a big brother."

(Team 6 - Heather (L), Anita, Clive, Tyler, Zachary.)

Zachary and Tyler were in bathing trunks, enjoying the sun and the waves. Heather had donned her two-piece suit, one that had turned many eyes in the past; she always wore it for that, for attention, and that's what she wanted here. Though there was one boy she would wear it for personally, something she had done during the aftermath of Total Drama Comeback.

That was another time, as sexy and interesting as it may have been, and this was now. And now, the boat was picking up speed, but not as much as she wanted. One major reason why it wasn't speeding like a bullet was coming to her mind, and she wanted to do something about it.

"Anita," the queen bee exclaimed, heading towards her, "why aren't you in a bikini?"

The bombshell had not changed like the other three. She was busy comforting the other person not changed, and was also puking his stomach out. Anita, who knew how to treat this, had soda crackers and ginger ale nearby, and was rubbing his back tenderly. Clive hadn't had anything to treat it yet, he had been heaving ever since the boat sped up.

"Oh kill me," Clive moaned, practically dangling over the side as Anita held his shoulders to prevent him from trying himself to do that.

"No, the course I took," Anita said, "firmly told us not to become angels of mercy."

"I don't care if it's an angel, devil, or an alien with green feelers, I want to be put out of my agony."

"Would a salt cracker help?"

"Mrrrgh," Clive groaned, spitting vomit out. "Maybe in a minute."

"Okay, sweetheart, you let me know when. We have ginger ale too-"

"Anita!"

She looked back to see Heather standing there, imposing and arms crossed, in a bikini. "Could you let Clive writhe in his emo misery for a couple minutes so you could change into a bathing suit?"

"Didn't I tell you I wasn't going to do that?"

Heather scoffed. "Now c'mon, I did! Tyler and Zachary did too."

"And they look nice," Anita said, noting the two men posing for the cameras and smiling at the sight. "But I'd really rather not."

"Why not? It'll help the ratings!"

Anita sighed and looked away. "I really don't want to. When I found out I was going to be on this show, I vowed not to flaunt myself to win."

A scoffing laugh from Zachary surprised the two ladies, as was his smug grin towards Anita. "Oh, so you think you're too good for this show or something, white girl?" he asked. "What, you're so hot that you have to hide it?"

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"Aw, why don't you face it? You're just being vain, so typical. Why don't you liven up like Heather here?"

Anita sulked and looked away, crossing her arms and looking away. Zachary laughed cruelly and faced the camera. "Look at me, ladies, I know how to have fun!"

He began to dance lewdly in front of the camera, much to the others' disgust. Tyler was shaking his head, and grumbling, "Dude, she doesn't need to strip down if she doesn't want to!"

Zachary didn't answer, so the jock walked past him to talk to Anita. "Look, you really don't have to listen to him, he's just being crass-"

The conversation was interrupted when Zachary tripped on the deck. Arms flailing out, he grabbed onto something for some kind of support. That support was Tyler's trunks, and they didn't hold.

Tyler stood there naked, unaware of what happened for a few seconds before he screamed. Anita gasped, eyes going wide and blood trickling down her nose, trying to look away. Then the boat picked up, because though blurred to the online viewers, Tyler was naked. Zachary was struggling with the increased speed, keeping a firm grip on the trunks as he still hadn't grasped (har har) what had happened.

With another lurch of speed, Tyler lost his balance completely, and tipped over the side. Clive, who was alerted by the chaos, managed to grab his leg and hold onto him. Heather was knocked to the side accidentally by Zachary, consequently falling into Anita.

"Hang on, naked jock man," Clive called out, desperately holding Tyler's leg. His trunks were still around his ankles, and the sight was hilarious for the viewers; quite opposite for Tyler, really.

Anita struggled to get Heather off her, eventually managing to come help Tyler; however, Zachary had also recovered, and was finding this hilarious. Cackling, he shouted, "Aw man, he's naked and dangling over the side! What could be better? Ooo, I know! Anita, show us your boobs, c'mon!"

He grabbed the back of Anita's tube top, stretching it out. She screamed and twisted out his grasp, her top being loose around her top but her under wrap staying firm. "Let go of me," she shrieked, swatting at his hands.

"Jeez, I was just kidding," Zachary said, backing off.

Anita helped Clive lift Tyler back up onto the boat. The jock quickly got his shorts back on, then fell onto his hands and knees. "I feel so violated," he whimpered. "Oh kill me, I want to be put out of my agony."

"There there," Clive said, squatting down next to him Tyler and patting his shoulder. "Eventually, you'll get over it. You're lucky, you got high spirits, dude."

"Want a salt cracker?" Anita offered, rubbing his other shoulder. "Or some ginger ale?"

(Janitor's Closet - Short trunks humiliation.)

Tyler - *fuming and crossing his arms* "I joined this show to show off my awesome, sports skills! Not my..." *He stops, then starts to smirk, but quickly shakes this off.* "Aw man, I'm horrible. And I really hope my sisters weren't watching. Or my dad. Or Father Kuman at church back home." *He groans and shakes his head.*

Heather - *trying to look very neutral* "Well... that was an interesting start for the race, wasn't it?"

Clive - "I feel sorry for Tyler. He's usually such a high-spirited guy, pumped, and ready. He shouldn't feel the cold grips of reality like this, especially since he's dating someone who's equally positive." *He groans and shakes his head.* "It's depressing, thinking about depression like this."

Zachary - "Yeah, I see what Anita's game is." *He scoffs and imitates a girl's voice, waving his hands around.* "Oh, I'm so hot, I dress like this, but I don't want anyone seeing me like that!" *He rolls his eyes.* "Man, where's she come off? If she had any dignity, she'd humiliate herself like the rest of us!"

Anita - *crossing her arms and sulking* "I vowed when I got onto this show that I wouldn't be using sex appeal to win, ever. I was forced to wear these clothes, and though the fishnet leggings are cute, I hate it. So if I don't want to wear a tiny bikini, that's my choice!"

*She looks away, then glances back at the camera, looking guilty.* "That's not arrogant, right? I mean, I know it sounds arrogant, I'm not trying to sound vain, but I don't really mean that! I mean... I mean..." *She waves her hands, then looks sad and hangs her head in shame.* "I don't know what I mean."

(Team 2 - Xander (L), Carol, Crystal, Valerie, Yoshi.)

Xander looked over the side at the ocean. Taking a deep breath, he smiled and looked over at Crystal. "Man, I love the ocean."

"Really? You don't seem the kind of bloke, eh wot."

"Well, probably would use a water jet ski, like the water-riding motorcycle."

"Now there we go," she said with a chuckle. "You do like fast rides and high speeds. Have you thought of chatting up Carol?"

Xander looked at her strangely. "Why do you keep trying to hook me up with other girls?"

Before she could answer, Carol and Valerie walked by. "Oh, Xander," Valerie said, "we have something for you and Yoshi." Her grin was a very not like a politician's. "Wait here, we're so gonna boost the ratings!"

As the two girls headed into the boat, Xander looked at Crystal. "Should I be worried?" he asked her.

"I would," Yoshi answered for her, walking by them. "You've seen the way Valerie looks at us, and how much she admires 'hot' guys."

As Yoshi rolled his eyes, Crystal tapped her lips. "And she loves pink."

"You think she's gonna ask us to wear a pink tutu or something?" Xander asked.

"Possibly."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Oh God, hide me."

Carol and Valerie came back, holding things behind their back. "Hello boys," Carol said, giggling. "We've got surprises for you, and... why's Xander behind Crystal?"

"Who's behind me?" Crystal asked, trying to play innocent.

"Silly boy," Valerie said, chuckling. "Look what I got for you to wear."

She held up a pair of trunks that looked more like a pair of Speedos. "That looks like a pair of Speedos," Yoshi said.

"Yep, and you should wear nothing but this, Xander!"

"Cor blimey," Crystal squeaked.

"Bloody hell," Xander muttered.

"Do I have to wear one of those?" Yoshi asked, staring deadpan at the two girls. "I've heard sailors call those 'sea panties,' so I'm not very fond of it."

"Never heard of that," Carol admitted, "but you're getting these!"

She held up a pair of leather pants. Yoshi raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips. "And... I'm going to wear those."

"We'd like you to."

(Janitor's Closet - Leather pants chafe, don't they?)

Yoshi - *deadpan stare* "You know, I've heard girls complain about what guys want them to wear. If it's anything like leather pants, then I have to say, I hate fan service as much as they do."

Valerie - "Oh man... I just loved seeing Yoshi and Xander like that! It makes me anxious for Zachary, and because of those two, I just might finally get it on with them." *She giggles, then licks her lips.* "And then them afterwards..." *She realizes what she's been saying, and then shakes her head.* "Um, it's the sea air from the trip, it's making me say abnormal things. Chris, cut that, please."

Xander - *glaring to the side* "I looked like an Olympic swimmer in those tiny trunks. Well, I don't know how many look like me, and have a bad leg, but I did feel ready to swim." *He pauses, then mimes a rim shot as he adds this.* "... Away from the cameras."

Carol squealed in delight when Yoshi and Xander came out. Xander took one look at the Japanese warrior in leather pants and a handkerchief scarf on his head, and Yoshi glanced at the biker in those tiny trunks and nothing else, and both burst out laughing at the other.

"You two are such good sports," Crystal said, politely covering her mouth as she giggled. "I couldn't see myself in either of those."

Valerie was openly staring and almost openly drooling, but managed to keep herself from losing total saliva control. As she shook her head and mentally noted she should be a little more gentle at any man who stared at a girl, she said aloud, "Right then! The boat's speeding up, if you cannot tell."

"Bloody well hope so," Xander said, waving at Crystal. "I feel really silly in these."

"I thought you would say you're handsome enough to pull them off," Carol joked.

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Not in front of mixed company, dear."

They all shared a good laugh. As Crystal and Xander tried to have a conversation without her glancing down, Yoshi went back down into the boat to prepare something he wouldn't talk about.

"Say, Xander," Carol asked from behind him, "how'd you get those scars on your back?"

"I've been wondering that too, I see that in the morning," Valerie asked.

Carol gasped and started bouncing around, while the politician seethed. "Not with him," Valerie shouted.

"Aww, you lucky cow," the enthusiast continued, grinning like an imp. "You get to sleep with all three of them!"

"Carol..."

"All I got is an emo boy, a farm girl, and a surfer chick! Why couldn't I be shacked up with three hot men?"

Valerie was now growling in indignant rage as Crystal tried to look away from the spat waiting to happen. "Are you ever," she said quietly to Xander, "going to tell anyone about how you got that facial scar, and the back scrapes?"

"And the limp?" Xander added.

"Is it personal? I'm sorry if it is."

"No no, it's not, but I figured when I tell the story, I get voted off because there's no more surprise."

"Oh, I'm sure there's more to you than just that," Crystal said, giggling. "You see, every human being is a story, alive for years, personality and quirks and all sorts of stuff, eh wot. Every bloke and lady has a story, and that story will click with someone else's."

Xander chuckled. "You have such a cheerful philosophy on life. Say, does that apply for Noah?"

"What, you think he pines for Cody?" she asked, giggling. "I dunno, still haven't done yaoi."

"Oh," Valerie snapped out of her anger for the sake of lust. "Yaoi!"

"Not on your life," Yoshi shouted from inside the boat.

"C'mon, Yoshi-"

"I. HAVE. A. SWORD!"

Valerie sulked. "He uses that threat a lot."

"Might want to be careful," Crystal said with a sly grin, "he might get his point through."

Xander slapped her shoulder playfully, just as Yoshi came back out of the boat's inside again. He was carrying one of the resuscitation dummies, and a few bottles of ketchup.

"What are you doing?" Carol asked.

"I'm going to perform a wicked sword movement on this ketchup-filled dummy," Yoshi said as he opened one of the bottles, and began pouring it into the mouth of the dummy. "I just hope the viewers," he glanced at the camera, "will all want to watch our boat to see this wonderful display."

As Yoshi prepared the dummy, the boat was beginning to pick up speed. What was strange to him was how irked Valerie seemed to be. "Is this more crap from that comic you were mentioning before this trip started?" she asked him. "Is it really necessary to bring some pirate tomfoolery or ninja nonsense?"

Yoshi rolled his eyes. "It's from One Piece, and that's a Japanese manga."

"It's nerdy, and I don't want to get into that-"

"Are you leader?"

Valerie's mouth opened and shut like a fish until she looked over at Xander. The biker shrugged, and said, "Have fun, dude."

"Oh come on, Xander," Valerie scoffed. "Do you read that comic?"

"No."

"Carol, do you?"

"Nope."

"Crystal, you?"

"Yes."

"Exactly! So why are we doing something no one... wait, what?"

Crystal smiled and looked around as she fiddled with her cravat. "I have to say, ever since Nico Robin entered the picture, I found my girl-crush."

Valerie stared with a slack jaw and a twitching eye. Xander was rather interested, as were Carol and Yoshi. "You do fancy blokes, right?" the biker asked her.

"Oh you know it, my Olympic swimmer impersonator," she said, chuckling. "But I'm telling you now, if I ever met a bird like Nico Robin, I'd be on the other side in an instant."

She chuckled, and Valerie balked. "She's fictional!"

"Well, there's a couple actresses too," Crystal admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "I really fancy S-"

"This is ridiculous. You're talking about fictional characters and heavily made-up performers."

Xander gave Valerie a upset frown. "Yeah, says the girl who is quite obsessed with Twilight and Edward."

Valerie rolled her eyes and walked off. Carol walked into her place in the conversation and said, "I always had a girl crush on this one asian, substitute teacher we had, she was so cool."

She swooned, and looked over at Yoshi and Xander. "What, don't you boys get man-crushes?"

Xander grinned. "A few more than I care to admit, my good ladies."

"No comment, but I'll allow you all to tease," Yoshi said, giving them a small smile. "Because I know you want to."

"Naw, you have a sword, chap," Crystal admitted. "So do your sword technique now?"

Yoshi nodded, then held his sword, in its scabbard, behind his back. He stared down the resuscitation dummy for a few seconds before saying in a deep voice, "Shishi..."

A flash of movement, and before the others realized it, Yoshi was behind the dummy, scabbard at his side and sword ready to be sheathed. The warrior, squatting in a finishing pose, slid the sword back in...

"Sonson," he hissed, and the sword clicked fully into the scabbard. [1]

At the click, a deep wound opened on the dummy, and blood-like ketchup shot out everywhere. With dramatic effect, the dummy slumped down on the deck in a rather realistic way.

"Ooo, he's dead," Xander commented, applauding.

"Wow," Crystal awed.

"That was awesome, but I gotta say," Carol said, shaking her head, "it did look more comical to me than anything. See, at home, if there's ketchup, my pussy goes ballistic."

The others stared at her before the boat shot forward so fast that it almost pitched them off their feet. Carol clung to the railing and added, "Mind you, she goes for mustard too, she's not picky! She gets it all over herself too!"

(Janitor's Closet - Blood, love, condiments, and swimsuits, what a ride!)

Crystal - "I never knew Xander could be so much fun in a chin-wag! You'd think he'd be all about trying to get into a woman's trousers kind of rebel, but he's a gentleman too! I'm so impressed, and I have to say..." *She giggles and nibbles on her finger nervously.* "I... I'm thinking of a certain girl I'd like to pair him with... and that's me!"

Carol - "It seems like every time I talk about my pussy, people really pay close attention. I guess people love cats!" *She scratches her head underneath her head band.* "I really wonder if I should stop talking about her from now on. The stares are kind of weird."

(Team 7 - Joel (L), Beth, Colin, Harold, Justin, Mandy)

"Oh, Cthulhu! Please grant us safe passage on this trip across your domain!"

Harold and Justin exchanged glances. "I really thought she was going to the front to quote Titanic," Justin admitted.

"Gosh. She's even offering a sacrifice!"

"Please accept this humble offering, oh great Cthulhu!"

Beth walked around the deck, looking at the floor. "Guys, have you seen those cookies I brought around?"

"Sorry sweetheart," Justin said to his girlfriend, "they're going to Cthulhu to make sure we make this trip."

"Oh, well, so long as it's for a good cause. They were kind of stale anyway."

Mandy glared at them. "Shush, you fools, you don't want the Old God to hear I'm feeding him stale cookies."

Justin sighed, then looked over at Harold again. "Well buddy, shall we?"

"For the ladies," Harold said, wiggling his eyebrows.

The male model ripped off his shirt and pants, leaving him in swimming trunks; romantic music seemed to play from somewhere. Harold tried to rip his shirt off, but he failed; he fell to the ground, pulling and tugging at his shirt, but he wasn't getting anywhere. Finally just pulling it off as well as his pants to reveal his thong swim wear, he stood up and posed.

"Oh man," Colin gagged as he looked away from Harold. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"You're so handsome," Beth gushed at Justin, grinning at him before giving him a big hug. "You look like a star!"

"Harold, are you sure?" Joel asked, raising an eyebrow and trying not to stare at his thong swim wear.

"Wow," Mandy gushed, openly staring and salivating more than Valerie over Harold. "Now I see why Leshawna wants you, you scrawny string of man wonder you!"

Harold chuckled and flexed his muscles (well, the ones he had). "Thank you, m'lady cultist of Cthulhu."

"I'm sure he'll be pleased with your offering of 'man service'," she continued, clapping. "Now, are we getting yaoi man service?"

Justin and Harold exchanged glances, and grimaced. "Rather have my girlfriend, thank you," the male model said, hugging his girlfriend.

"Isn't the boat going fast enough?" Joel asked with a sigh.

Colin's response had to be censored.

Ignoring the bully's foul mouth, Harold turned to Mandy. "Well, sorry, but I don't think we have anyone willing enough. And it's getting cold, I think I'll put on shorts."

"Aw, Cthulhu's tentacles," Mandy cursed, watching Harold put on the article of clothing. "Well then, what are we going to do? Do I have to kiss another girl?"

Beth looked to the side, nervously tapping her fingers. "Um, oh boy," she whimpered. "I don't know..."

Colin let out a rather mean laugh. "Oh come on, that's something no one wants to see that," he said. "Besides, she's not even a girl, she's got a pig face. Kissing a pig would be like smooching a strip of bacon."

He laughed and hooted until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see a beautiful fist plow into his face. The bully went sprawling on the deck, blood coming from his nose, as Justin nursed his now very sore hand.

"Oh honey," Beth hurried over to Justin, tenderly holding his wrist. "You must think of your hand model career!"

"Naw, it was worth it," Justin said through the winces. "But then again, I do regret it now. Are all my knuckles still round and fine?"

"They're fine, Justin. Please don't risk them again like that!"

As Justin and Beth comforted each other, the boat rocketed forward in approval of Colin nursing a bloody nose. Mandy was once again yelling at the bow of the ship. "Oh Blood God, blood has been donated! Blood for you, Blood God, grant us good luck!"

(Janitor's Closet - No blood for the Blood God in here.)

Colin - *wearing a bandage on his nose* "You know what really sucks? Heather said stuff all the time like that, and no one ever decked her! Only shaved her stupid head. Don't get why they have to all get violent with me, I ain't hurting anyone."

Mandy - *She is cleaning her nails with her dagger.* "Colin isn't really fit to be a sacrifice to the Old Gods. You think someone who acts mean to girls then shrivels up when a male model hits him is a deserving treat to them? HA! I feed stronger types of cheese to my rats."

Joel - "I admit, I was kind of depressed all throughout the morning, and the beginning of the boat ride. Sure, I could have done some crazy things to entertain, but the others were beating up Colin, that worked out well enough. Then something wonderful happened..."

Team seven's boat started to slow down after a short while of riding on Colin's last punch. Mandy was shouting a lot of threats to the cameras, but it wasn't helping.

"The boat does seem to go faster when someone's in pain," Joel commented as he looked at his iPhone, hoping that there was any chance he could get a signal; his super modifications could reach land, even from this far out at sea.

"Really?" Colin asked, rubbing his tender nose. "Okay then!"

He rushed over to Harold, grabbed his arm, and twisted it behind his back. Harold cried out in pain, thrashed feebly, then scowled in determination. "HI-YA," he shouted as he drove his elbow back, hitting Colin right in the side.

"Ow ow ow," the bully wailed, grabbing the place Harold had hit and walking away from him. "His bony elbow is like some kind of spear!"

"Yeah, my elbows are just as dangerous as my hands," the nerd threatened, striking a karate pose.

As Mandy called out to the Bruise God, but then turned it down as she thought that one Old God was kind of a jerk, Joel watched from the corner of his eye. He glanced around at the sulking, sore Colin (which he liked to see), Beth and Justin being lovey-dovey, and Harold striking more poses (which reminded him of some kind of opening, but couldn't keep his finger on it).

Then he was greatly started when his phone went off. "In the not-too-distant future," it sang and rang, "next Sunday A.D. ..."

The caller was unknown, but he still answered it. "Hello, Joel of TDB on national television and on the interwebs right now, what can I do you for?"

"My, you sure do have a fancy hello, don't you honey?"

Joel gasped, standing upright. "Hannah?!"

"It's me, sweetheart! I heard you're on a boat?"

"Yeah, I'm on a boat!"

Her giggle was music to his ears. "Well guess what? I'll be at the harbor to meet you!"

"What? Really? How'd you do that?"

"Duncan's Bus!"

"He's taking you?"

"Naw, he let us joy ride, I think he's at the harbor already. All us ex-contestants will be coming by bus!"

"Who's driving?"

"I am, silly, I drove one during the car race," Hannah said. "I'm just using the radio on this thing, which has a phone feature. At least I think it does, I don't really get it."

Joel laughed, and then her heard voices in the background. "Will someone get this slobbering blob away from me?" Sandra was hollering.

"I just wanted to sit down over on this side," Owen muttered.

"Will you quit being such a," Daisy was hollering at Sandra, the rest cut off by a tiny bit of static. "I'm back from the hospital for one day, and all I've heard is you complaining!"

Joel chuckled. "I can hear some of the others in the back."

"Oh yeah, they're quite excited too! And I cannot wait to see you! You seemed to so sad."

"I'll be so much better if I get to see you again, Hannah."

"You're so sweet, my MacGuyver," she cooed. "Look, I'd better hang up so you can focus on the challenge. I'll be at the harbor waiting for you for sure!"

After saying good-byes (which always takes a long time for a couple to do), Joel pocketed his iPhone and pumped his fists into the air. "Incentive! I'm like the Warrior of the Lost World, I've got motive!"

"Really?" Mandy, who had only heard the last part, asked. "I did too, but they still said I was overreacting-"

"No no no, I want to get this boat back to the harbor ASAP PDQ," Joel said, punching his palm. "The former contestants are going to be there, including my girlfriend!"

"Hannah?" the cultist exclaimed, smiling too now. "Oh joy, I wanna see her again!"

"I respect your desire to see your lady," Harold said, patting Joel's shoulder, "and will do everything I can to get this boat moving! Magic Steve's Magic Camp's training, every trick will be unleashed!"

"We're with you too, Joel," Beth said, her and Justin smiling at him.

Colin growled. "Oh, that psychotic face kicker?"

Mandy actually giggled at this. "Wow, that's a good name for a punk rock band: The Psychotic Face Kickers."

"Give me one good reason," the bully continued with a snarl, "why I should try to help make this stupid boat move any faster."

Joel tapped the toe of his steel-toed boat on the deck; the clink was not missed by Colin. Neither was Harold cracking his knuckles, nor Mandy twirling her dagger in her hand.

"Yikes," Colin whimpered. "Um, okay!"

(Janitor's Closet - Incentive and motivation!)

Justin - "Ever since I started dating Beth, I've put my heavily insured body at more risk than ever before. Sure, I knew the perils when I signed up for this show, but your heart makes you do things that your mind doesn't quite follow with first off." *He taps his gorgeous chin and muses.* "Hmmm, they should make a song with those kinds of lyrics."

Beth - "People have always picked on me, but I don't let it bother me any more. I mean, I know I'm a good competitor and people do like me! I made fifth place in TDC, and I have a feeling that I could possibly make it to the end of another season! Is it so hard to believe I could go all the way and have a handsome boyfriend by the end?" *She giggles and snorts a little.*

Harold - "Most people don't know how dangerous the elbow is as a weapon, and mine is very lethal as a result of practice! Here, let me show you..."

*He positions himself in the closet, clasping his hands for maximum power in a hard elbow ram. When he does so, he misjudges the distance he moves his elbow, and hammers his funny bone right against the wall. There is a moment of silence, a trembling look on his face, then an agonized yell cut short.*

Leshawna - *running in* "Harold! Were you practicing martial arts in here again?"

Harold - *hissing in air in pain and blubbering* "I know, I promised I wouldn't do that any more! Oh GOSH, that hurt!"

Leshawna - "Baby doll, ya gotta remember that this place is rather limited in space."

Harold - "I know... oh! Look, my Chocolate Goddess, I made a dent in the wall! All fear the mighty elbow blow!"

(Team 5 - Izzy (L), Arthur, Cody, Eva, Noah.)

"Izzy, I said no, and I meant no!"

"Just one little kiss on his lips, that's all I ask!"

"N. O. See that? Two little letters put together to form the ultimate, negative response, and that is what I give you!"

"What if I gave you a dollar?"

"No!"

"Two dollars?"

"Argh, no!"

"Okay okay okay. Five dollars!"

Noah stomped away from her, crossing his arms and eyes narrowed in frustration. "Not only does she keep insisting I want to kiss Cody," he muttered to Arthur, "but she thinks I'm cheap."

"You'd think someone who won ten thousand dollars would make a better offer," Arthur said.

Izzy sulked as well, looking over at Cody and Eva. The techgeek had made it clear he didn't want to kiss Noah, and Eva was defending him. The wild redhead was feeling rather defeated over not getting the yaoi man service she wanted, but another idea came to her wild head.

"Oh oh oh," she shouted, hurrying over to Cody and Eva. "This is part of the love triangle, right?"

Both Eva and Cody gained a fair blush from that comment, but he managed to speak for the two. "Yeah, it's something like that," he admitted to her.

"So why don't you two kiss or something? Please oh please!"

Cody and Eva exchanged glances, which only increased Cody's blush and Eva's discomfort. The fitness buff crossed her arms and looked away, huffing at Izzy's forwardness. "Look, Izzy, we were just talking. Cody here was telling me he tried doing palates, but they didn't work for him."

Izzy's face just seemed to light up at the word "palates," and the two could see it in her eyes, lips, and fingers, as she was now wriggling over the idea of what that means.

"It's an exercise, Izzy."

That didn't help.

"And it's not sexual."

That did. "Aw crap," Izzy grumbled, "it sounded like fun. Oh well, can't you two make out?"

"Izzy," Cody said, looking around nervously and hoping Eva wasn't going to kill him when he said this, "I haven't chosen if I want to go out with Eva or Anita yet."

"Then what's stopping you from a smooch test?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I think that wouldn't be right for either of them. You cannot just make out with someone to see if you wanna go out with them."

Izzy gave him a look that clearly said, "I disagree." She shook her head and said, "I disagree."

Eva groaned and said, "Look, can you please go do something else to entertain people? Go... bite someone."

"I haven't done that in a long time," Izzy replied, turning her nose up and heading down into the boat.

As she was gone, the other four just talked among themselves, until Arthur brought up something important. "Hey guys, aren't we supposed to do something interesting to get people to watch us?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't bring heavy weights for power lifting," Eva explained.

"Didn't have a robot or something interesting to bring," Cody admitted.

"I don't do fan service, because I know what some 'fans' want," Noah commented, making air quotes for "fans."

"Alright then, one problem," Arthur said. "If we're not doing anything interesting, what is Izzy going to do?"

There was terrified silence, and then said terror generator came out from inside the boat, holding a bunch of things in her arms.

"Look what I got," she cried out. "A crowbar, a fire ax, a frying pan, and a machete!"

"What the hell are you going to do with those?" Noah asked, backing away. "Swallow them?"

"No, even better! Juggle them!"

And thus, she threw the four items in the air, and began to juggle them. Cody hid behind Eva, Noah walked as far as he could get from her, while Arthur watched, bemused. Izzy also bounced the items back into the juggle with the back of her foot.

"Oh wait, I got something better," she exclaimed, then ran off with all the items in midair. The crowbar and machete impaled into the deck, the fire ax chopped into it, and the frying pan bounced and clanged.

"Should we be worried?" Cody asked Eva.

"No way. What could she have brought with her worse than that that we missed?"

Izzy came out with three chain saws in her arms. Noah screamed in terror as Izzy revved them up, and started juggling them.

"How did she get those on the ship without us noticing?" Eva shouted over the roar of the chain saws

"Who let her bring those on the ships?" Noah hollered.

"If she drops one," Arthur mused, "we're all shark bait, you know that, right?"

"Waaah, life flashing before my eyes here," Cody wailed.

(Janitor's Closet - Now with a large dent in the wall.)

Cody - "Maybe I overreacted. I'm sixty-four point one percent sure that Izzy would not intentionally drop a chain saw she was juggling. Wouldn't let it damage her pride." *He chuckles, then swallows nervously.* "Still, seeing my life flash before my eyes has reminded me of how much I want a girlfriend, and I should think more considerably about Eva and Anita."

Eva - "As much as I'd like Cody to start going out with me, because well, actually none of your business. But I digress, I meant to say that I respect his decision not to make out with a girl and not ask her out." *She chuckles.* "I'd snap his wrist if he did."

Izzy - "The boat was really cruising when I started juggling stuff! Heck, if I knew juggling dangerous items was that exciting, I'd do it at weddings and graduations to entertain the lucky people going onto their new lives!"

"Yeah, I like being called the king, it's good to be the king," Arthur said in a gruff voice, holding one of the chain saws in one hand. With the other hand, he grabbed Izzy and pulled her close as he lifted the chain saw in the air and shouted, "Hail to the king, baby!"

Izzy cheered as she pumped her fists in the air for Arthur's Ash Williams impression. The others watched, and Noah hummed in amusement. "You know, the more I see of this new guy," he said to the others, "the more I think he's a closet nerd."

Eva let out a barking laugh. "Oh, I wouldn't be talking about closets with you, buddy."

She and Cody both chortled at Noah, who fumed. "Why didn't I bring a book?" he grumbled as he sulked off.

Izzy noticed this, and was after him in a heartbeat. "Now c'mon, Noah! We're trying to have fun! We have to get along, because if the boat crashes and we find ourselves cast always on an island! None of us brought a sports ball, so we'd have to talk to each other, wouldn't we?"

"Not if I could help it."

"Ooo, maybe I'll just talk to your skull if you died in the crash," she said, then mimed holding up a skull to look at. "Alas, poor 'Noahick', I knew him, the uke."

"I am not the uke! I am not," he started to rant, but caught himself. "I really resent all these implications on my sexuality, especially when you all know the truth."

"Oh really?" Izzy asked, dangling her head behind the rail and over the ocean. Then she leaned back, holding firm as she hung over the side, then pulled herself back up. "Well then, prove it."

Noah rolled his eyes. "I'm dating Katie. You know that, everyone knows that! You want a witness? Sadie's been around, she can tell you I kiss her and such-"

"No no no," Izzy interrupted. She grabbed Noah and pulled him up against her. Her breath in his face, she purred in a seductive voice, "Prove it."

The bookworm was stunned silent, not expecting this. Arthur nearby whistled and added, "Wow, first she almost kills us, then she almost kisses us."

(Janitor's Closet - Good, bad, she's the one having fun.)

Arthur - "Man, I don't mind admitting that I could seriously get into Izzy. Crazy, hot, and loads of fun. Everyone always acts so weirded out by her, but I say, who cares about a few funny dialogues? She's got it."

*He chuckles, then something catches his eye.* "Whoa, dude, who bashed a dent in the wall? That's bad ass!"

Noah - "Izzy is like a wild tornado... no, more unpredictable than any twister. It's like someone created the most neurotic, wild mind possible, then set it on a Random Play for the list of things. There's no way anyone could possibly stand that, I know I don't."

Izzy - *She is twirling the crowbar in her hands.* "Did you know that a crowbar is the most perfect weapon against the living dead? It's a bludgeon, it's a stabber, it can help you lift and pry, and it can even amputate or decapitate. Wait, you don't believe me on the last one? Watch!"

*She swings the crowbar with a battle cry, and accidentally hits the camera. The last thing it picks up is Izzy's crowbar, hooked-side, plunging into the wall.*

(The Harbor)

Chris, Chef, Billy, and Duncan were all around the deck, making small talk about sports, girls, and TV shows; you know, the normal, boring, guy stuff.

One being was not just idly standing by. He paced back and forth, holding a combat shotgun over his shoulder. "Alright, maggots," Groucho the Duck growled, "we have a situation here! Seven boats are out there, completing a mission that is all about the morale of our troops!

"Failure is not an option, we don't want one of those boats going under, not one troop out there lost at sea! Therefore, we are going to complete a reconnaissance mission! Captain Chico Stripedrat will be our ground support.

Chico the Raccoon, sporting an army helmet with goggles and binoculars, saluted the new recruits. Groucho gave him a nod before continuing. "We are going to fly out there, make sure every troop is still on the boat, scout for enemy ships, and then report back here when complete. Any questions?"

The new recruits, who were the seagulls around the harbor, stared blankly forward. Some looked around with no clue, some groomed their feathers.

Groucho ground his beak in frustration. "Were you rats even listening?"

The seagulls continued to stare or look around blankly. One spoke out. "Mine?" it asked.

"Mine?" another asked.

"Mine," the seagull recruits squawked. "Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!"

Groucho the Duck snarled in outrage, and cocked his shotgun as Chico tried to calm him down. Back further on the dock, the host, co-host, intern, and former contestant were starting a rather interesting conversation.

"So, which team are you betting on again?" Chris asked Chef.

"Team 5, of course," the former cook said. "If anyone's gonna start fan service and wild appeal, it's Crazy Girl."

"You mean Izzy, not Eva, right?" Chris said with a laugh.

The others chuckled too, except Billy, who didn't look so amused by this. "I still cannot believe the host and co-host are betting on the show."

"Aw, liven up, intern," Chris said. "Anyway, I bet on Heather's team. I think just her and Anita there, and with an emo boy to make fun of, they're gonna win for sure!"

Duncan scoffed. "Sure, those two are hot, but my girl's team has her and Lindsay are so much hotter. Those two wearing bikinis, Princess will win in a couple hours, easy."

"It's been a couple hours already," Billy muttered.

"Alright then mister, who are you betting on?" Chris asked, quirking one of his masterfully crafted eyebrows (he is grooming-obsessed, you knows). "I know interns get paid, just do they have enough for a fifty buck ante?"

Billy scowled, reached into his wallet, and pulled out a fifty. "Carol's team."

The other three burst out laughing, and he rolled his eyes. Tossing the fifty in with the rest of the money, he shrugged and looked at the horizon. Squinting, he could very, very vaguely make out a blip way out there.

"Hey guys, is that one of the ships?" he asked.

"Naw, there's no way someone could get here that quickly," Chris said.

Chef, using binoculars, peered out at the blip. It still looked like a blip, but it was definitely a ship-shaped blip. "Well, it ain't no whale, fancy-pants boy."

(Janitor's Closet - Now with a crowbar imbedded hook-side in the wall.)

Chef Hatchet - *noticing the crowbar stabbed into the wall* "Holy special sauce! Who did that? Must have been someone with muscles, maybe Muscle Girl. Or Spiky Bully, or Teddy Bear, or the Criminal."

Seagulls - "MINE! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!"

Duncan - *sniffs the air* Smells like bird in here. Anyway, I loved hanging out with the guys, making bets and talking about real guy stuff. Much more fun than being on that bus with whiny girls and sobbing Owen."

(Duncan's Bus of Losers)

"I'm gonna be sick," whined Sandra.

"I'm gonna puke all over," sobbed Owen.

Hannah let out a cheer as the bus got airtime from a bump on the road, pumping a fist in the air. "I love this ride," she cheered. "I never knew a bus could go this fast!"

"This is almost as good as a roller coaster," Jasmine exclaimed, holding her hands up for a more exhilarating feel. "You rock, church girl!"

Trent and Daisy let out whoops and cries of joy, the latter cackling with laughter. Hannah could not remove the grin from her face, and giggled to herself.

"I love this," she cooed. "Oh Joel, I cannot wait to see you again! This skull-emblem bus is better than that old school bus I had to drive! Woohoo!"

--

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So who is the ship approaching the dock? Is that ship going to win?

Who will win the bet: Chef, Chris, Billy, or Duncan?

And is Groucho the Duck going to get any support from his seagull troops? If not, is using a shotgun on those rats with wings okay?

(Teams and What They Have Going For Them)

Team 1 - Sakaki, Sebastian, Sadie, Katie, Belinda, Howard (Conversations, possible smooching and decisions.)

Team 2 - Xander, Crystal, Yoshi, Valerie, Carol (Sword play, cat stories, hot guys.)

Team 3 - Courtney, Ezekiel, Rodney, Lindsay, DJ (Lindsay in a bikini, and stunts.)

Team 4 - Gwen, Leshawna, Bridgette, Geoff, Alfred (Funny conversations and possible accidents.)

Team 5 - Izzy, Cody, Noah, Eva, Arthur (Dangerous juggling, impressions, and Izzy.)

Team 6 - Heather, Tyler, Zachary, Anita, Clive (Wardrobe malfunctions, hot guys in trunks, dangerous situations.)

Team 7 - Joel, Mandy, Beth, Justin, Harold, Colin (Beating Colin, lovey-dovey couple, and INSPIRATION!)

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Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot, Throw Pillows tossed about, mouthwash stains and crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent in right wall.

[1] - Shishi Sonson is the name of the attack in which you unsheathe your sword, single slice, then sheathe it back in. It's named after the sound the sword makes being sheathed and unsheathed. Roronoa Zoro used this to focus on being able to slice through steel.

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Next Up - More dastardly planning at the next voting ceremony!