Chapter 30

The knock on the door pulled her attention. "Come in"

Hotch looked at her for a moment giving a rare smile. "I was wondering if you'd like me to book you some time off," he said kindly.

JJ smiled as she tried to supress a yawn; if she was honest, she was worn out. Emily was having serve nightmares that kept her up all hours; she had pulled away from her and the team. Her bedroom was slowly becoming her prison.

"Can you?" her voice had lacked the normal lightness for weeks it had become just as tried sounding as her body felt.

"You have a few weeks to take." He pause for a moment. "Do you need any help at home?" he asked carefully.

"Hotch in all honesty I am out of my depth" she sighed slightly before looking back at him.

"You know I am here if you need anything all you need to do is ask"

"I know and thank you, just getting her to talk is like pulling teeth. She's hardly eating" she closed her eyes in an attempt to hold back her own tears.

"JJ you can't do this all by yourself, and no one expects you too. Do you want me to look into a counsellor?"

JJ looked at him sceptically. "Emily and counsellors don't exactly mix. You not remember last time you mentioned it?"

Hotch pushed the door closed as he lowered his voice. "I meant for you, to help you deal with all this. You can't take it all you need someone to help you."

JJ frowned. "Why would I need to see a counsellor?"

"Someone to talk to. Just think about it. You can't take on all this alone and I also know Emily won't allow anyone near yet but you need to look after yourself and having someone you can talk to that doesn't everything that has happened it may help." He smiled softly at her. "Just think about it. I would make sure they were nothing to do with the FBI."

JJ nodded slightly "I'll think about it"

"I will put the paperwork through why don't you head off now, maybe go home get a few hours' sleep before you head back to Emily's"

"Trying to say I look tired?" JJ mused.

"No I am saying you need a break, a few hours alone will help recharge the batteries. I will message you and let you know how long you've got, and for once leave your work phone here" he said kindly. "I'll make sure this office is locked fully."

"Thanks"

JJ could not help leaning back in her chair as she stretched, she could hear her bones crack back into place. The sheer thought of going home, soaking in a nice hot bath seemed like heaven. Although she felt guilty not informing Emily. However, Hotch was right she needed some me time. Time away from everyone and everything. To recharge, Emily had begun to shut her out again. Maybe this time off she could get the stubborn profiler to open up to her. However, the way Emily was right now gave JJ slim hope in her returning to the bau. Maybe it all was too much for her to cope with. JJ could not even imagine putting herself in Emily's position.

The house was cold the dust had settled on the furniture, her once tidy home now resembled her office in a way. However, it yet again would have to keep. She flicked the heater on to warm the water, the pipes groaned out of lack of use. It had been a good two or three months since she had been here. She began to tidy up slightly, washing the pots that were scattered around the kitchen. If she was honest, she was surprised they hadn't walked themselves to the bin.

She placed some of the washing into the washing machine switching it on. She had plenty of time she could wash and dry some of her clothes by the time she had had a bath. She needed some new clothes to take to Emily's. Half of her wanted to come home fully but the other part knew that Emily was not ready to be on her own. In addition, deep down she knew if it were the other way round, Emily would do the same for her.

Four hours later, she was turning the key in the door of Emily's condo. It was so quiet, but for the first time since Emily had disappear she felt refreshed and alive again the tension she held had gone slightly, not all of it but enough to make her body relax more. The dull headache she had had for weeks had eased. She felt human.

"Em?" she called out.

No answer again. She made the short trip up the stairs as she knocked on her bedroom door, not giving Emily chance to answer as she turned the handle. She had done a lot of thinking while she soaked in the bath and one of them was this. She was going to push back; she would not allow Emily to shut her out any longer.

"You need a bath," she said as she made her way into the bedroom fully. Emily just shrugged.

"I'll go and run it for you, then we are going to tidy this place up and after that you are coming down stairs and having something to eat." She said firmly.

This time Emily turned her back on her. "Please." JJ said softly. "I can't lose you Em, and if you keep pushing me away ill lose you" her voice softer as she spoke.

"I can't do this jay" Emily let out in a whisper. "I just can't."

JJ could hear the tears in her voice, the roughness from crying. "Then let me help you instead of pushing me away," she paused slightly. "I am not asking you to tell me everything Em; I am asking you to let me in so I can help you. This is doing neither of us any good." JJ said as she perched on the bed, her hand automatically rubbing Emily's back.

"It hurts so much" Emily managed to say before tears took over.

"I know it does, I can't imagine what you are going through. Let me help you Em" JJ said softly.

"I miss her." She mumbled.

"I know you do." JJ paused slightly. "I think it would be good for you to talk about her. I know it will help; you need to remember the good times. It is not a betrayal telling others about her. It will get easier in time," JJ said softly.

At some point Emily had turned over so she was now facing JJ, JJ's fingers ran through the matted brown locks. "Let's get you in the bath."

"Thank you" Emily said as she moved closer to JJ.

"No need to thank me." She placed a soft kiss on her brow before moving so she could run the bath.

JJ walked out the bedroom making her way down the landing, she sighed softly as she turned the taps on to draw the bath. She added some bubbles in a hope it would help Emily relax slightly.

"I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you," Emily said making JJ jump slightly.

She smiled slightly; dark circles covered her pale skin. She seemed gaunt, the clothes she had on, now hung off her body.

"Come on, the bath is ready, shout me if you need anything." JJ said kindly.

Emily's hand reached out wrapping softly around JJ's wrist. "You're not leaving are you?"

JJ could hear the pure fear in her voice as she spoke. "Never, I am going to make us both a nice coffee and I will make a start on dinner. Take your time," she said as she placed her hand on her cheek. "I am not planning on going anywhere I promise."