Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. If intelligent life does exist out there, do not be offended with this rather unflattering interpretation; heck, you probably have thought it once or twice too.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - I'm apparently a very naughty boy, and must be treated as a serious threat on Deviant Art. One day, when Mandy rules the world, I might get my account back. Until then, I'll situate myself here. So vote on my poll, review my work, and go read the wonderful works of my friends, like Winter-Rae, Lord Akiyama, Imagi, DeathVelvien, TDI Charlie Brown, and many more.
If you don't, Hannah won't be happy with you. And when Hannah isn't happy, Mandy isn't happy. And when Mandy isn't happy, C'thulhu isn't happy. And when C'thulhu isn't happy, people DIE!
Warning - There's violence in this challenge, lots of alien and human deaths. I know that's nothing important to any of you, but since people pitch giant fits over sex whenever I write about it, I am going to act like violence is just as bad. Which it friggin' should be.
Chapter 32 - Bizarre Avatar Among the Stars
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(Maclean Stadium, Arena)
The battle in space was starting to get desperate on both sides. Three alien pods had attached to the ship, creating waves of aliens in triple the bearable amount. Most of the crew was being shredded, and at the risk of sounding cruel (or hilariously dark), their virtual deaths were temporarily halting the waves of the aliens.
Both the Troopers and Predators remaining were trying to find out where they could make a ship-wide announcement, since they needed to tell everyone they were abandoning the ship. This was especially difficult for the Predators, who had six members running around alone.
"I knew we were screwed," Xander muttered, rubbing his facial scar.
"Must you do that?" Courtney asked him with a glare.
"It's my thinking tic."
"No, not that, that negative attitude. There's still a chance we can win this."
"Even with Chris aiming to have us lose?"
"He's failed before."
"True, but this virtual reality stuff is a whole new game."
Courtney groaned and shook her head. "Just please, keep a little faith, it's hard enough trying to be positive when I keep seeing screens full of aliens coming at our side..."
She stopped when she saw Crystal, her roommate and teammate, realized there were aliens coming towards her from the other side of the corridor. She turned around, only to see aliens approaching her from the other side.
"You're right, she's screwed," Zachary said, and inappropriately laughed.
Xander replied by hooking his hand under Zachary's chair and flipping it on its back, seated included.
(The Predators, Crystal.)
The British girl looked down both sides, seeing aliens swarming at her. Cursing her bad luck, she pulled her gun from its holster and took a deep breath.
"I have but one life to give for my ship-"
She didn't get further, because an alien burst from the air duct, clawing down at her. One of its claws hooked on the steel pipe on the ceiling, yanking it down and clanging on the floor. Steam erupted from the ends, space-age steam to be specific, which is even more generic than steam coming from opened pipes, but it's scientific!
Crystal was knocked down, but managed to wrestle with the alien. As both swarms stopped to wait for what should have been inevitable, the unexpected happened to the space freaks, because Crystal knew karate.
Parrying the attacks by countering at the limb instead of the shrasher's claws, the British girl managed to stop the alien from killing her. When her gun was knocked away, she grabbed the pipe, and bashed the alien's head in. Purple blood splattered her face, and now she was grinning like Izzy.
"I should have told you buggers," she said, picking up her gun and gripping the pipe-club, "that part of my family ancestry can be traced to Celtic warriors.
"So I have but one life to give, and it's to take yours! DIE, YOU PATHETIC VERMIN!"
Crystal tore into one of the swarms, clubbing and shooting. The aliens panicked, not expecting the British to be coming at them. The other swarm came in to help, but they suffered casualties as both sides tried to stop the bloodthirsty girl.
A couple minutes, and Crystal cleared a circle around her. Slashes and cuts deep in her were like decorations, but she didn't seem to notice. Dripping with purple blood and her own, she looked at them through her soaked bangs.
"Yeah, how many more of you ugly wankers are there?" she hissed, heaving deep breaths. "Because I've had tougher fights on the bus school..."
She stopped, and stiffened. "Cor blimey," she whimpered, "there's the effect of blood loss." Crystal fell down, dropping her weapons, and was dead in a couple seconds after lying there.
The aliens around her were startled, especially seeing how many she had taken. So were her teammates, when she was transported back to the real world.
"Did I lose it a little back there?" she asked them, blushing a tad.
(Janitor's Closet - Invasion of the Neptune Weirdos.)
Xander - "Is it wrong that when I see Crystal become a combat-thirsty karate expert, I really do get turned on?"
Zachary - "Dang, didn't know white girls got that aggressive... besides Valerie, that is."
Crystal - *nervously tucking her hair behind her ears* "You see, I took up karate because I vowed never to be useless and unable to help, like so many love interests in bad romance movies. Shame karate isn't much good against monster aliens with claws and teeth."
Courtney - "Look, there's hope we can win this! Stay positive, Courtney! Stay positive! We have Harold, Rodney, the duck, Lindsay..." *She stops listing people, and face-palms.* "Aww, why can't I face it, we're dead. ... No! Stay positive!"
(The Predators. Team 1 - Arthur, Ezekiel.)
Ezekiel looked around the corner, and then signaled to Arthur for its safety. Both boys rounded it, keeping an eye on the ceiling in case aliens were in the ducts.
"You never answered my question," Arthur mused as they carried on, "if you want to rely on each other in case we lose this."
"I really doo'nt knoo'," Ezekiel admitted, then blushed slightly when he added, "It's something I'd want to go over with Heather on, eh."
Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I see. Well, dude, I'm not really looking for a team, just someone to watch my back. It's for purely selfish reasons I want to have someone to vote with me for someone else so I don't get voted off."
"Fur selfish reasons, got it."
"Got it," he said as they both chuckled. "So dude, are you sure we are heading for the escape pods?"
"That's the idea I got from that futuristic map, eh," Ezekiel said. He looked up at the ducts when he thought he heard something inside it. "If we get there, we can defend it until the order fur the self-destruct is set."
"Maybe we have to set it there?"
"Possibly," said a voice down the corridor, "but that all depends on the idea of the engineers or corporate reason in ship design."
Arthur almost shot at the voice, from being so startled, but managed to prevent blowing away Harold. The uber-nerd was sitting down, a whole swarm of alien bodies near him. He was breathing heavy.
"You okay, eh?" Ezekiel said.
"I'm fine, just these stupid aliens swarmed me, and I almost got hit. May not feel pain in these simulations, but I do feel tired."
He wiped his bangs, wet from sweat, away from his glasses. "Wish I knew how my Chocolate Princess was doing," he added. "Not knowing is killing me."
"Don't worry about her now, dude," Ezekiel said. "We'll find everyone, and get us all out of here-"
He was interrupted when Arthur cried out. An alien only about four feet tall had grabbed his jacket. With a grunt, the alien threw him against the wall. The schemer didn't get up from this impact.
Harold was quick to stand up and take out his laser sword, and Ezekiel was already shooting. A couple shots didn't stop the alien, and it simply hit the prairie boy in the chest. With a startled cry cut off at the end, Ezekiel collapsed on the ground.
The uber-nerd, overcoming his exhaustion that had him slowed down until now, swung his sword and decapitated the alien. Gasping in air, he checked both Arthur and Ezekiel, and found they were both dead.
"Stupid B-movie clichés," Harold cursed. "I mean, the instant death blow is bad enough, but that alien came up from nowhere, it didn't even make any noise as it approached, gosh! Teleportation is unfair!"
He roared this last word out again. "UNFAIR!" After venting this, he continued to walk to the escape pod bay, alone again.
(Janitor's Closet - Harold Against the Moon Men.)
Courtney - *gripping her hair and grinding her teeth, chanting the following* "We... can... do... this... we... can... do... this..."
Arthur - "Yeah, I know that I am a loner, and being associated with someone like Ezekiel wouldn't be good. But hey, he was the only one there, and he's not a bad person. Plus, his girlfriend has some bite to her, she's wicked." *He laughs.*
Ezekiel - "When I heard we were going to have new contestants this year, I actually really didn't want to associate myself with them, at least fur noo', eh. I mostly wanted to make sure people didn't want to vote off Heather."
Harold - "When I was in film camp, I brought up the really stupid error most horror movies make, as well as movies trying to be them. Footfalls."
*He pulls out a notepad that has a great amount of notes on most of the papers.* "You see, every footfall has enough PSI to cause some kind of sound, especially on a hardwood floor or on leaf-covered dirt. We're dealing with the idea that it's completely quiet, not a sound, as a very large man or monster is sneaking up on you. The idea you couldn't hear anything is absurd, gosh!"
*He puts his knuckles on his hips, scowling at the camera.* "And thus, I had many arguments with the idiot instructor there, who kept saying reality is no basis for a good movie."
(The Troopers. Team 4 - Colin, Gwen, Joel.)
Gwen cleaved another alien in two, splattering alien blood on her. As she turned back to look at her teammates, she saw Joel was busy finishing off a small squad of aliens, while Colin was kicking around corpses.
"You got a shotgun," she snapped at the bully, "why don't you actually use it on the aliens?"
"Oh, you mean the freaky-looking monsters?" Colin said, snickering at her. "Does that include you?" He mockingly pointed his plasma shotgun at her. She flinched, then lifted her sword up in a battle stance. "Try me," she snarled right back. "I'd love an excuse to take you out again."
Joel stood in-between the two, holding up his hands. "Guys, gals, calm down," he said to them, keeping his own calm. "We need to keep moving. This ship is slowly be taken over by those-"
An alien burst from the air duct, an attack they were starting to favor. It slashed down at Joel, cutting deep into his side. As the inventor cried out and collapsed, Gwen hacked the alien down while Colin laughed.
"You scream funny," the bully commented as Gwen helped the injured Joel against the wall. The inventor and goth girl both glared at him, but he continued to laugh.
"Can you walk?" Gwen asked Joel, noting the bloody wound.
"Give... give me a minute," he requested. "I can walk it off, just give me one minute."
"Oh, and the whole ship will be taken over by then," Colin scoffed. "Let's just put him out of his misery."
He held his shotgun up, pointed at Joel's chest. The inventor winced, then Gwen stepped in-between them. "Don't you dare," she snarled at the bully.
"You want to save him? It's pointless, he's badly injured."
"I don't care what you think," Gwen shouted, "you're not blowing him away unless you want to deal with me! Now point that shotgun somewhere else-"
She stopped when something that sounded similar to a cell phone ring started to jingle. Both she and Colin looked at Joel, where the ringing seemed to be coming from, and watched as he pulled a circular device from his pocket.
"Joel here," he muttered.
"This is Joel?" came the excited voice of Sadie. "That's awesome! I'm so glad these worked!"
Joel coughed, then grinned as he replied, "They're just walkie-talkies, but in the future."
Gwen looked totally lost. "I am totally lost," she stated.
"We found these round, speaking devices on the wall," Sadie said, "and one was missing. Carol didn't think anyone would reply, but I figured if, like, one was gone, someone took it, right?"
"Well actually, I started off with a couple," Joel said, patting his pocket where he kept a second one. "Guess that comes from being the inventor."
"That's so cool," Sadie gushed, and Carol's clapping could be heard. "So, like, what do we do?"
"Gather half of them and start to head to the back of the ship. That's where the escape pods are, where my team is headed," he said. "If you see anybody else, give them a walkie-talkie. That way, if anything should happen, we still have communication with each other."
"Good idea, Joel," Sadie gushed. "Okay, Carol, what we need to do is..."
There was a horrible shriek, maybe Sadie or Carol, and then the cry of many bloodthirsty aliens. Someone started shooting, then the aliens drew closer. The two girls' cries were drowned out by the aliens, and then the connection was lost when the crunching of their walkie-talkie was cut off, forever ending the communication.
Joel stared at his, and sighed. "The aliens will have destroyed the others too. All we have are these two."
"This is going straight to hell," Gwen muttered, "in outer space."
"Can we get going now?" Colin asked.
(Janitor's Closet - The Eyeful Creatures.
Carol - *sulking, hands in her pockets* "Yeah, well, I could've taken all those aliens if I was at the top of my game, but with the upset over Billy and Chef being a jerk, I wasn't topnotch."
Sadie - "I could have taken all those aliens, if Katie had been there. We're quite dangerous together, like how when there was a sale on flip-flops, and the color we both wanted was almost out, we wrestled with this woman who I swear was Eva's twin sister for them! And we won!" *She cheers and claps like if it just happened.*
Colin - "Why do people act like I'm a jerk just because I'm trying to employ a sensible tactic like ditching someone too injured to carry on? It's not like I just want to shoot everyone."
*He pauses, then grins.* "Okay, I do. Team killing is hilarious."
*There is a knock in the door, and when he opens it, a kick from someone wearing a bright green skirt connects with his crotch.*
? - "Izzy hates team killers!"
(The Predators. Team 1 - Alfred, Heather, Rodney.)
Alfred looked at the walkie-talkies placed on the wall display, then plucked a couple off. "Alright baby, the map said these were set up near the bridge," he said, tossing one to both Heather and Rodney. "Now let's all go to the bridge, and make the announcement that we're abandoning ship."
"Look Alfred, let's just forget it," Heather said, heaving a heavy sign, trying to wipe some of the alien blood off her. "Haven't you seen how many aliens we've fought to get here? We're dead if there is another wave."
"You want to give up now?"
"It's not worth it. Look, the three of us make a good amount enough of survivors, let's hurry to the back and get in an escape pod. We don't have to set the self-destruct button until we're sure everyone else is dead."
The air then seemed to explode around them, with the horrible, high-pitched shriek that had happened several times before. It shook Heather to her core, and she found herself clinging to Alfred; he didn't notice too much, because so was Rodney.
"See?" Heather whispered, then released her grip on him and steadied herself. "See, see there's that noise again! Whatever monster is there means business, and we shouldn't dare attack it."
"I can do it."
The two teenagers looked at Rodney, who was studying an alien's carapace. He removed part of the head's exoskeleton and placed it over his helmet, making it look like some wild, fantasy helm.
"Here, I'll disguise myself," he said as he stripped off more parts and placed them on his shoulders, chest, and back. "They might think I'm one of them, and I'll get the signal sent out."
Alfred bit his bottom lip. "Dude, I couldn't live if anything happened to you because-"
"It's a VR game," Rodney said, smiling at Alfred. "Don't worry, this'll work, I can feel it. I have a walkie-talkie, just speak quietly if you need to."
He started to head off, then Alfred stopped him. Rodney expected another argument, but he was handing him one of his guns. "Use it on any of those not fooled."
Rodney nodded, concealing it in his hand under the large "glove" that used to be an alien's claw. The prodigy walked slowly towards the bridge, the helm of the ship where the ship-wide speaker was. A few aliens saw him, but thought he was another alien and passed by.
When he got to the door, there was a rather sinister alien on the other side. The creature had an enormous mouth, now shut, and its arms crossed tight around its chest, as if in an invisible straight jacket. Quills decorated its back, and drool dripped down from its mouth.
Then Rodney's walkie-talkie whispered to him. "Rodney, all going okay?" Heather's worried voice whispered through.
The creature's eyes widened, and its mouth opened. An impossible amount of teeth were inside that maw, and Rodney panicked. Screaming, he held up his gun.
All Alfred and Heather heard were laser shots and Rodney screaming. Then it suddenly became quiet, and Alfred sobbed out loud. "I killed him," the gonzo wailed. "I never should have let him go alone!"
"No, I killed him," Heather remarked bitterly, shaking her head. "I was too worried, and I blew his cover."
"Yeah, it is your fault."
"Hey!"
As Heather glared at Alfred, her walkie-talkie made a wheezing noise. It took her a moment to realize it was Rodney. "I think I found the source of those screams," the prodigy whispered.
"You're alive," Heather exclaimed, hugging the walkie-talkie to her. "Thank goodness! Err, wait, I mean," she stopped displaying such emotions, her self-defense that being a high school queen bee had taught her not to do, "good work, kid. Now get that communication started."
"Just be quiet, I should do it," Rodney whispered back.
Alfred gave Heather a "yeah, you heard him" look, to which she rolled her eyes. Rodney entered the bridge, and was startled to see how dark it was.
Normally, in a sci-fi movie, the bridge of a spaceship is full of glowing lights and screens, some of them serving no point. This one only had the view screen, with the stars and a large gas planet with its moon in the corner. A few screens were on at a console in the center of the room, to which Rodney sneaked towards.
Looking around, he still saw no sign of movement. He took note of each screen, seeing they were touch-screen, and found one that said, "Ship Address."
He pressed his finger down on it, and whispered, "Hello?"
A shy hello echoed across the entire ship. The aliens all looked around, confused. Those that spoke English perked their ears or ear-like appendages up at the noise.
Groucho was done snapping an alien's neck with his wings when he heard the communication. Harold was slowly walking down a corridor. Lindsay was busy correcting her hair in a bathroom. Belinda was finishing off the last of a swarm with her laser whip, Leshawna her own swarm with her own weapons.
"Hello everyone," Rodney said, louder this time. "The ship is overtaken. Get to the escape pods at the back of the ship, or what is known in ship terms-"
The prodigy stopped when he thought he heard a growl from the corner. Swallowing nervously, he said, "Look, just get to the back of the ship, we're bailing. You can find maps everywhere in the ship, head to where it says Escape Pod Room. Good luck..."
He stopped when he heard the snort of a very large beast. Looking to the corner he thought he heard the growl, he froze in terror as he could see movement in the corner, stepping out into the dim light that the bridge had near the center.
The queen alien was as large as a bus, her lanky body segmented like a giant centipede and almost as many claws for legs. Its hissing maw had large mandibles clicking at the child, and its red eyes narrowed. It arched its back, and let out that high-pitched, howling shriek that had startled him and his teammates.
Everyone in the ship heard the roar of the queen, then Rodney's terrified yells. The transmission carried on because his fake claw had broke off and lay on the touch screen, continuing the communication. Rodney's laser pistol started to fire, and crashing could be heard, things breaking and dohickeys smashing.
"Rodney," Alfred exclaimed in terror, first into the walkie-talkie, then up as a real cry. "Rodney," he repeated, sprinting off in the direction the kid had gone. Heather followed him, crying out for him to stop.
Alfred reached the bridge door first, almost slipping on the blood of the alien the prodigy had killed on the way in. The gonzo looked around, trying to see in the dim light. Then there was movement, and he could see the imposing figure of the queen.
She was turning to him, slowly as if trying to be dramatic. Alfred stiffened in fear at her size and features, and then noticed something far worse than a giant, ugly alien. On one of her long claws, she had impaled Rodney. With an angry snort, she tossed the body of the prodigy child at Alfred's feet.
The gonzo was thunderstruck, seeing the body of his child friend, his carapace disguise bashed and helmet slashed. Alfred took several deep breaths, and then opened fire on the queen alien, shouting, "You alien bi-"
He didn't get further, as Heather grabbed his jacket from behind and yanked him away. The queen bee saw the queen alien, and pressed the button to close the door. As Heather continued to pull Alfred away, powerful impacts were being made on the other side of the door.
"Lemme at her," Alfred cried out fearlessly. "She killed Rodney!"
"And she's going to kill us if we don't run," Heather exclaimed. "We're no match for her!"
"And what makes you think that?"
"She's freaking huge!"
(Janitor's Closet - Queen Dinosaur.)
Heather - "Okay, the real reason was something I didn't want to say out loud, in fear I'd sound like a geek. But see, in every movie that's science-fiction or fantasy or the like, the kid always makes it. This time he didn't, and thus, this queen has broken the unwritten rule for such movies.
"Even an asian martial artist cliché..." *she points to herself* "... or the American commando cliché cannot defeat someone who is breaking the unwritten rules. But as I said, I didn't want to say this out loud, or I'd look weird."
Alfred - *holding a glass in his hand, one that he had been using against the door* "Holy cow, that's the hottest thing I've heard her say. I've gotta go tell Ezekiel!" *He puts the glass on the shelf and heads out.*
Rodney - "My brother Francis once said that if horror movies and such were real, kids wouldn't last at all. I guess because I survived the zombie and vampire challenges, I got carried away and thought I could survive this. I hope no one's too mad at me..."
*He sighs, covering his face with his hands. Shaking in disappointment over himself, he then hears a knock on the door. When he opens it, a person wearing bright green clothing and a tousle of red hair practically glomps him.*
? - "Surprise, comforting hug from Izzy!"
(The Troopers. Team 2 - Clive, Cody, Eva, Yoshi.)
The aggressive team had managed to make it to the escape pod hanger by themselves. Yoshi was coated in alien blood again, and Clive was trying to wipe it off him so that he wasn't completely sludged.
"I hope you appreciate this," Clive said, using his own jacket to wipe off Yoshi's shoulders and arms. "I'm only really doing this because it's not my real jacket."
"Thanks anyway."
"It's like life, no point, really."
Yoshi rolled his eyes, rubbing the large scratch he had received from a rather feisty alien. Clive ripped off the sleeve and tied it around the wound. "Just to keep it from bleeding."
"Weird having injuries without pain," the warrior mused.
Eva nodded, looking at a glancing slash on her hip. Cody looked concerned, and looked at all the crew members who had somehow managed to make it too. "Anyone here a doctor?" he asked the others.
"I'm a geologist, not a doctor, damn it."
"I'm a communications expert, not a doctor, damn it."
"I'm a nameless extra, not a doctor, damn it."
Cody sighed, but Eva shrugged it off. "I don't need any help, Cody," she said. "It's a small scratch, I'll live."
The techgeek nodded, glancing at her hip again. After staring a little bit, she felt a little bit weird. She replied to this by saying, "Stop staring at my hips."
"Cannot help it, there's nothing to do but wait. Might as well enjoy those curves you worked so hard on." Eva's eyes widened, and then shook her head. "Your compliments are too forward, you geek."
"I figured if-"
He was stopped when they all heard a roar of noises. Yoshi stood up, and growled. "More aliens, just great. Here, I'll take care of it."
While Eva was distracted, the warrior grabbed her sword and held it in his offhand. "Lock the door, and if you hear me die, just get in those pods and get out."
"What about the," Clive started to say, but Yoshi closed the electronic door. The warrior faced the swarm of aliens.
"Oh, it's him again," one of the aliens shouted. "He's nothing without his emo."
"You are so wrong," Yoshi said, grinning wickedly as he turned on both swords. "Because you see, I have a reputation to keep up, and I've died in the previous, virtual games. And I died both times."
"What does that prove?"
"It proves an ancient Japanese proverb..."
He ran at them, laser swords humming and slicing into them, stabbing and slicing and cleaving. "Third time's the charm!"
(The Troopers. Team 3 - Colin, Gwen, Joel.)
The three teammates were walking, Gwen helping Joel walk since he was still unsteady. They had managed to make it halfway, where the spaceship was divided in half. Joel studied the console on the side, and removed the panel.
"What are you doing?" Colin asked, raising his eyebrows.
The inventor chuckled, tweaking with the wires. "I'm gonna hack into some of the computer consoles that would normally be at the bridge. Therefore, I'm gonna do something to seriously slow down these aliens on this spaceship."
"What's that?" Colin asked.
"Go down in the corridor, Colin, Gwen, I'll show you."
Colin did as requested, but Gwen didn't. She stood over him, crossing her arms. "I don't want to sound rude," she said, "but I want you to tell me what the hell you're doing now, wrench boy."
Joel chuckled, cut off at the end when the clattering of claws and footfalls started to come them from down the corridors. Both exchanged glances, then he waited for her to look down the corridor, and pushed her into the hallway, and sealed the door shut.
"Wait," Gwen cried out. "Stop! What are you doing?" She couldn't hear him until a walkie-talkie buzzed with life. She looked down to see Joel had pushed one in with her. Gwen pressed the button, and shouted, "Joel, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to disconnect the two halves of the ship, and self-destruct this side. Get to the other side of that corridor, and seal the door. That bridge will be exposed to space when we disconnect."
She could hear beeps and blips from the console he was fiddling with. Frantically, she cried out, "No, I'm not leaving you behind! Why are you doing this?"
"Because I'm way too weak to make it the rest of the way. I know this is cheating a little, but I know you can do this if you modify some things via console of any kind. I'm just praying everyone else got through..."
Colin came up and bumped Gwen's shoulder. "C'mon, goth girl, we gotta go."
"I'm not leaving him behind," she shouted, glaring at Colin. "I'm not going to let him just stay there!"
"You haven't got a choice, c'mon."
Colin yanked Gwen's arm, and the goth girl cursed in frustration. She looked back at the door as she pulled her arm away from him. When they were on the other side, she sealed the door and spoke quietly into the walkie-talkie.
"Okay Joel, disconnect and blow up," she whispered.
"Gotcha," he said, then chuckled weakly. "Don't worry, Gwen, it's all a game."
"I still don't like it."
"Gives me a chance to pull off a heroic sacrifice. Tell Hannah I loved her."
Gwen heard a hissing noise, and the ship lurched. The first part of the ship drifted off, and rockets attached to the second half turned on and gave it some distance from the other half. Joel, alone on the other side, sighed as he watched the aliens come at him.
"Oh, aliens," he called out to them as he moved to push the trigger. "There's a beef roast in the-"
He pushed it, and the first half of the ship, with two alien pods attached to it blew up. Most everyone knows that in space sound travel in space, but since this is themed off of bad VR movies, it just meant that since there is no air in space, nothing gets in the way of the loud explosion.
Gwen kicked at the door as she heard the far-off explosion of the ship, and cursed again. She looked over at Colin and muttered, "Come on, let's go then."
(Janitor's Closet - Fiery Explosions From Outer Space.)
Gwen - "I hate the idea of ditching someone. I don't like it when it happens to me, so I don't like doing it myself."
Joel and Hannah - Hannah - *blushing slightly* "What a speech you gave at the end, honey."
Joel - *is blushing too* "Sorry, it was rather forward."
Hannah - "I know, you were kind of clowning around. Still, it was rather touching." *They hug.*
Yoshi - *resting his sword on his shoulder* "You think that my proverb doesn't originate from Japan?" *He grins.* "Hehe, prove it. And Wikipedia doesn't count."
Sebastian - *taps his glasses, thinking* "Well, maybe that's a Brazilian saying too."
(The Predators.)
Alfred and Heather were running through the corridors, the queen alien in pursuit. They could hear her aggressive shrieks, her many claws scrapping against the side. Any time they ran by a confused extra, the queen alien took a few seconds to shred the poor victim apart.
The loud crashing could be heard by the people who were hiding in the escape pod hanger. Harold, just trying to shake off his exhaustion, gripped his laser sword, but Belinda pushed him down. She opened the door, holding her laser whip at the ready.
Leshawna was running down the corridor, looking terrified. Groucho the Duck was right behind her, quacking, "The queen is upon us! Everyone, get ready!"
"How do you know it's the queen?" Harold asked, hugging Leshawna in his rejoicing that she was okay.
"Because it's freaking huge," Leshawna exclaimed.
Groucho handed a grenade to Belinda, and leveled his gun at the corridor, standing in front of the others. "Okay, when she comes, I'll distract her by trying to run by her. Aim for her head."
"You're seriously going to risk your life, my water fowl friend?" Harold asked.
"I've never played golf before."
Before anyone could get the joke, there was another shriek from the alien queen. Someone came around the corner, and several laser shots missed, mostly because they were aiming for a head that should have been near the roof.
Alfred skidded when the shots were fired at him, slid on the floor, and crashed into the wall. As the others hurried to help him up, he burst out laughing. "That was so fun," he exclaimed. "Can I slide the rest of the way to the pod room?"
"Stop joking around," Heather shouted, coming around the corner too. "The alien queen is right on us, so get ready, and-"
The alien queen shrieked again, but this time there was a human shriek to follow. Most of the Predators recognized it.
"Lindsay," Leshawna exclaimed in horror, and run off, despite the protests of others.
The sister followed the shrieks, loud shots of plasma, and the horribly gory sounds. When Leshawna was finally near, she readied her sword and gun. "I'll teach you, you queen bi-"
She turned the corner to see a very large, dead alien lying on the floor. Lindsay stood near the head, or more specifically what was left of the head, holding a smoking, plasma shotgun in her hands. The blonde looked as surprised as them.
"Um, did I do something really stupid?" she asked, glancing at all the others as she rounded the corner.
"Lindsay... what did you do?" Heather exclaimed, gapping at the corpse.
"I did do something really stupid then?" Lindsay was saddened and hung her head in shame. "Was I not supposed to shoot this really loud alien?"
Groucho the Duck walked up to her, and gave her the most respectful salute she had ever received. "Admiral Lindsay Herhotness," he said, "I have never been more proud of any hot troop before in my entire life."
Lindsay perked up, smiling. "You're a nice duck." Alfred let out a loud laugh, picked Lindsay up and spun her around. "She killed the alien queen," he exclaimed as he put her down, both laughing. "That means we win!"
Aliens burst forth from the air duct, drooling and snarling, eyes red with alien fury. They tackled Leshawna and Belinda ripping and shredding. Heather was knocked to the side, and Harold was swatted in the face by a flailing limb; his glasses shattered, and he couldn't see anything except a blur.
Trying to tap into his awesome skills and hear the alien, he let loose a karate chop on one of them, hitting it on the head. The alien's head was smashed by Harold's expert karate, and fell off of its prey. Belinda struggled with the other one and pointed the hilt of her laser whip at its throat, and turned it on, slicing its head off.
Groucho blitzed for the aliens attacking Leshawna, using an ancient martial arts known to ducks (Duck-fendo). The bird managed to beat down one of them, but then was sideswiped by a claw.
Alfred ran over and kicked the other alien off of Leshawna. Lindsay aimed and fired her shotgun, making a mess of the evil alien. She quickly checked on her friend, and saw she had a large slash in her lower hip.
"Oh dear, does that hurt?" she asked.
"We're in a virtual world, hon," Leshawna said. "Just feels numb and tiring."
"Wow, really? I should get my bikini waxes done in this ER stuff."
"VR, Admiral," Groucho corrected her, holding his side. His right wing had almost being cut off by the slicing blow, and Alfred was holding him for comfort. As the duck hissed, he added, "I thought that we were suffering from B-movie aliens with one-hit kills."
"Guess that was pushed aside when they started to berserk," Alfred muttered, stroking the duck's back. "Man, an alien's berserk button is always the death of his queen."
"What are we going to do?" Lindsay whimpered.
Belinda was removing her sweatshirt and tying it around herself, covering a bloody gash. "What we need to do now," she said, "is get back to the escape pod hanger, and get the hell off this ship."
She glanced at Groucho, then Lindsay, and added, "Oh sorry, didn't mean to step up."
"I don't mind at this point, and I agree," Groucho muttered.
"I agree with the duck and Bertha," Lindsay added.
(Janitor's Closet - Odd People.)
Belinda - *raising an eyebrow* "Does anyone name their kid Bertha any more?"
Lindsay - *posing like if she was an admiral* "Admiral Lindsay Herhotness is a fine title for me, but now I call myself Lindsay the Queenslayer." [1]
Leshawna - "At that point, they were having to help drag me back to the escape pod hanger. Now I am proud of my tookus, but even I'll admit it's a little hard to carry when you're not lil' Leshawna, baby." *She chuckles and shrugs.*
(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)
Yoshi had slaughtered all of the aliens without any mercy, and came back, casually handing Eva's sword back to her. "Not going to have much time before the next wave comes," he said as he licked the alien blood off his laser sword's hilt.
Some of the others winced, but Clive curiously asked, "What's that taste like?"
"Thick chicken water."
"Figures."
Eva tapped her foot, looking at the hallway. "Okay, I don't want to sound heartless, but shouldn't we get going? Blow this ship, and get out of here?"
"That'd be cruel, because I just found where they all are," Cody said as he looked at the main console. "There's two people coming in fast, two more a short distance, and someone alone heading alone."
Yoshi nodded. "I'll go out and meet them."
"You don't have to overexert yourself," Clive said to the warrior, sounding concerned.
"They're just aliens, what can they possibly throw at me that I can't handle up to now?"
Cody squinted at the console. "Wait, that one alone is traveling awfully fast... and it's heading right to us..."
"What's so unusual about that?" Clive asked.
"Because it just passed by one of the teams and didn't even slow down... how could they have not seen that person-"
He got his answer when the air duct in the hanger shot out, hitting Eva who held up her arm to defend herself. The queen alien squeezed out of the air duct, then stood at her full height, snarling.
"Blargh," Cody exclaimed, hiding behind the console. "She used the air duct to get here and stay here!"
Yoshi and Clive exchanged glances. "You only live once?" the warrior asked the emo.
"So why not?" the emo answered answered.
Both charged at the alien queen. Yoshi sliced at one of her supporting legs, and she stumbled. Clive shot at her face, and while the lasers burnt her super-tough exoskeleton, it didn't phase her much. She swung at Clive, but he managed to leap back just in time.
Eva fumbled with her sword, but it was obvious her arm was broken, as she couldn't get it to hold onto her sword. Cody tried to pull her back, as she shouted, "Lemme go! I handled the Sasquatchinakwa, I can handle this large bi-"
"They can handle this, don't worry," Cody whispered to her. "We just need some people to stay alive."
Eva snarled, but nodded in agreement. The queen alien thrashed around, trying to stab Yoshi and Clive with her claws, but was failing. Laser sword slashes removed any limbs she thrust at Yoshi, and Clive was too agile.
A plasma shotgun from behind blasted a hole in her exoskeleton. The teammates glanced over to see Gwen holding the gun, giving Colin a furious side glance. "There," she snapped, "was that so hard?"
"They seemed to be doing just fine," Colin replied with a shrug.
Gwen groaned, then her eyes widened in fear as the queen alien turned towards her. A swipe of a limb missing a claw managed to knock Gwen's shotgun from her hands. She leaned down to eat the goth girl, but she kicked the alien queen's face multiple times, and the monster backed off for a few seconds.
Yoshi took the opportunity to stab his blade into her chest, causing her to shriek out in agony. Collapsing forward, she heaved, purple blood coming from her mouth, and watched as Clive approached her head.
"Queen alien, queen bee, same thing," he said as put his laser gun right up against her head. "Popularity, in the long run, means nothing."
He blew a laser through her head, and she collapsed dead. Clive blew the smoke away from his gun barrel, then wiped the blood off it.
"Nice job, you two," Gwen said. "But now we have to deal with one infuriated collection of aliens."
"Let's get the hell out of here," Cody remarked, coming out from behind the console. "Those other two should be here by the time we get this started."
"So how do we get out there?" Colin asked.
Cody was pushing buttons on the console as the question was asked. "Says here we just have to solve something before we can start the self-destruct code."
"Like what, a riddle?" Yoshi asked.
"No, three of a..."
The techgeek looked back at the others, and chuckled nervously. "Who knows how to do..."
(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)
"Sudoku?" Heather exclaimed in frustration, looking at the screen. "It says we have to solve three sudoku before we can self-destruct the ship!"
"Man, that's the worst password ever," Harold griped. "I mean, anyone reasonably good could blow up the ship!"
"Is that a kind of poetry?" Lindsay asked. "Maybe it was to prevent the aliens from blowing it up?" Alfred asked.
"They're trying to take the ship, not blow it up! Gosh! This is like those stupid sci-fi movies where the timer always stops at one for no apparent reason! Another stupid thing I got in fights about at film camp-"
"Harold baby," Leshawna called out, sitting against a wall with Groucho, trying to keep herself together as her injury was exhausting her. "Can you do sudoku?"
"Can do, my Chocolate Princess! I'm just going to have to squint really hard!"
(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)
"Who here knows how to do sudoku?" Cody asked, then looked at Yoshi. "You?"
"Oh, so because I'm Japanese, you automatically think I'm able to do sudoku?"
"Errr, sorry, I-"
"I'm teasing you, move over," Yoshi said, chuckling as he inspected the panel, and started to work on the first sudoku. "Of course I know sudoku puzzles."
"Is that other team here yet?" Gwen asked, looking down the corridor. She received her answer quickly as she saw Noah and Mandy approaching, the cultist supporting the bookworm.
"Can someone help out?" Mandy called out. "Noah got kind of scrapped when we were heading here!"
Eva and Cody headed out to help them, and while Noah argued that he would not be carried by Iron Woman, Chef Hatchet rounded the corner.
"What the hell is this?" the bad cook hollered. "You're trying to escape?"
"Duh," Eva replied, steadying Noah on his feet.
Chef Hatchet snarled and raised his gun. "I said we take back the ship by force, or not at all!"
He shot the door's console panel, which performed typically by closing and locking itself (isn't the future so much better?). Eva, Noah, Cody, and Mandy looked in horror at the sealed door, then Cody glared at Chef.
"You do realize the people in there can still escape, right?" Chef's eyes went wide.
"And that they can still arm the self-destruct sequence," Eva added.
Chef's jaw went drop.
"And now you've pretty much doomed us," Mandy spoke up. "Thanks, Chef, thanks a bunch!"
Chef Hatchet let out a miserable cry, and started pounding at the sealed door. "Lemme in, lemme in," he sobbed and wailed. "I dun wanna die, waaaaah!"
The others trapped outside rolled their eyes, then heard the furious swarms and skitters of an approaching alien wave, one that sounded rather big. "Three at once, I'll bet," Cody muttered, getting his gun ready. "That's what you get when you kill the queen."
"Ooo, impressive," Mandy gushed.
(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)
Harold was busy working on the second sudoku. "Man, these are hard," he admitted. "Gimme a few minutes on this one."
"We really don't have a few more minutes for one more, let alone two," Heather shouted, waving her hands. "Hurry it up!"
"Don't you yell at him," Leshawna shouted at her, glaring through her exhaustion.
Harold, starting to panic, wiped the sweat away from his forehead. Then the spaceship shook with the shrieks and roars of a large wave of aliens.
"Aw damn," Alfred cursed. "We're gonna need to hold them off."
"They've gone berserk, we'll be shredded," Heather cried out, gripping her hair. "What are we going to do?"
Groucho the Duck lifted himself up, waddling towards the door, clutching his gun and a grenade under one wing. "I'll seal myself out there, soldiers," he groaned, staggering. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead, and added, "Just don't open that door."
"We can't do that, Zeppo," Lindsay cried out.
"Yes you can. I'm a dead duck, I'm not going to last that long."
Before anyone could argue, Leshawna scooped him up in her arms. "Don't worry, sugar duck," she said to him, "you're not going alone. I'll camp out there with you."
Harold sprinted over to his girlfriend, and Belinda went to work on the sudoku. "No, my love," he exclaimed, hugging her (and almost squashing Groucho). "You can't!"
"Harold baby, I gotta. We have to keep the aliens at bay, and my booty ain't gonna last long either!"
The nerd burst into tears and hugged her tight. Leshawna also teared up, and hugged him back. Lindsay and Alfred were already bawling, but Heather wasn't as moved.
"You do realize this isn't real," the queen been said, crossing her arms in frustration, "and that she'll be just fine?"
The crying stopped, but Harold still hugged his girlfriend. When the noise of the aliens grew closer, Leshawna finally parted from him, and she and the duck headed out. When Leshawna closed the door behind her, she blasted the door console.
"That usually works in the movies," she said, then faced the corridor. Aliens were starting to gather, and were staring her and Groucho down. The duck pulled the pin on his grenade, and heaved it at them.
(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)
"Clive, have you got that door yet?" Yoshi asked, still working on the sudokus.
Clive was stabbing at said contraption with the warrior's laser sword, trying to pry open a hole. Gwen was holding a shotgun and gun, ready to start shooting. Colin was simply leaning against the wall, rolling his eyes at the efforts.
"You're going to let in the aliens, and kill us all," he muttered.
"Shut up, we don't leave people behind," Gwen exclaimed.
"Whatever. I'd ditch you guys if I could."
Clive scoffed. "Why does that not surprise me?" He was done cutting through the door, and kicked at the opening. The part of the door fell down to a grisly sight.
Alien bodies were all over, some still twitching. Chef Hatchet's body was facing the wall, his fingers still posed in his scratched message in the wall, "HELP ME MOMM-". Mandy, Cody, and Eva were all dead, spread out around the corridor, all still clutching their weapons.
The only one alive still was Noah, who was clutching his side, which looked worse. "This is really frustrating," he muttered, starting to slump.
Clive stopped him with a firm hand, then lifted the bookworm up. "C'mon, let's get the hell out of here," he said.
"Well said," Gwen remarked.
They climbed through the hole in the door, just as Yoshi finished the last sudoku. The escape pods came to life as the self-destruct came to life. Colin was shoving extras aside for his own personal pod, but this didn't bother the others. Clive, carrying Noah, and Gwen hurried into one, and Yoshi hurried into his own. The warrior looked back at the ship, and smiled when he saw a couple aliens scampering in.
"Hope you like sudoku," he called out to them as he ducked in his pod, which shot off seconds later.
The two aliens exchanged glances. "You know how to do one?"
"Are you kidding? I hate poetry."
It was the last conversation any alien on the ship had before it blew up into a million, billion, trillion, and forty-two pieces.
(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)
Leshawna and Groucho could be heard shooting at the other side of the door, as the others watched Belinda working on the last sudoku. The thing that was driving them crazy was that Belinda was on the third one, and she hadn't put in a single number.
"Do something," Heather exclaimed. "Oh God, we're all screwed!"
Then the clairvoyant snapped her fingers, and immediately began filling in the sudoku from start to finish in one go. The password was accepted, and the pods all opened.
Harold was the last one to get in the pod, looking back to where Leshawna and Groucho were, and let out one more sob before Lindsay pulled him in the pod. The pods all detached and launched off, and the two Predators went down fighting when the ship self-destruct.
(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)
The crowd went wild as all of the contestants were disconnected from Vera, and waved to the cheering audience. Teammates ran over to congratulate their victorious, and tell those who went down fighting how well they did.
Chris Maclean was looking at the main console, and then slammed his fist in frustration. "Joel," he called out to the inventor, who was busy talking to Harold. No matter how many times he called, Joel didn't come over, and it was finally Hannah who responded to the call.
"Let him rejoice with his team, what's the trouble?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm trying to access who won that contest."
Hannah was quick to work on the computer console, much to Joel's surprise. "He taught me all about Vera," she said, chuckling, "in exchange that he and I have Bible study together on Sundays." She looked up at Chris and smiled. "You know, if you need someone to help with this when he's still in the game or something, I'd be glad to help."
Chris glanced to the side, wondering what the producer would say about that. Still, he felt that she would be best to have around so he didn't have to work on a confusing computer. When she got the results up, his eyes widened.
Using his megaphone, he broke up the conversations and managed to get thirty-six teenagers quiet (which isn't easy at all). "Okay, everyone, not a bad job. Now here's the final results:
"Team Predators came out with five survivors: Alfred, Belinda, Harold, Lindsay, and Heather. Not bad, not bad at all.
"Team Troopers had five survivors make it to the escape pods as well: Noah, Clive, Yoshi, Colin, and Gwen. Now normally, this kind of tie would be easy, since I could make the call...
"However," the host started to say, fuming as he rolled his eyes, "according to the computer, Noah died at the very last moment from blood loss. And thus, Team Predators wins with five survivors to four."
Team Predators went wild, and Harold pointed at Chris Maclean, shouting, "Yeah! That's what you get for cheating, you idiot!"
Chris fumed some more, and heard Chef chuckling nearby. "Well, what did you expect?" the cook asked. "People fight better when they realize they've been wronged."
"Did you throw that game, Chef?" the host snapped. "Is this about your paycheck being late still?"
Chef Hatchet's eyes went wide, and he looked around for an excuse. When he couldn't see one, he sprinted off. Chris shouted, "Get back here," and took off after him.
"Hey," Yoshi shouted, grabbing the back of Chris' vest and pulling him back, "baka-hair, who gets to choose the other people on our team who get immunity?"
As Chris straightened his clothes and baka-hair, he sighed and pulled the console for choosing contestants out of his contest. "Well, of course you, Colin, Gwen, and Clive get immunity. But since the last person to kill the alien queen was Clive, he gets to choose the five who also get it."
The emo looked more shocked than anyone as he accepted the console, and glanced up at Chris. "Seriously?"
"You put the laser in her brain, the last blow."
Yoshi sulked for a moment, then shrugged. "Hey, I guess that's fair. Go on, Clive, you deserve it."
Clive looked over the list, biting a nail in thought. "Hmm, lemme mull this over a moment," he said, looking at the others. "I'd like this to be fair..."
"Oh, why?" Chris Maclean said, patting Clive on the back. "You're the emo, everyone's always going to think of you as just that. Utterly devoid of emotion and reason, and that'll never change anything, no matter you do."
Clive's jaw dropped, and he whimpered as he held in an anguished sob. Without even looking at the console, he pressed five names and gave it back to Chris. He stomped off, muttering, "I knew it, I knew all my efforts would be for nothing!"
"Wait, Clive," Gwen called out, but the emo was long gone. She glared at the host, and she wasn't the only one.
"Dickweed," Ezekiel shouted, pointing angrily at him.
"Oh shut up, eh," Chris muttered. "I'll get you yet, Ezekiel, and your little girlfriend too."
"What did he ever do to you?" Bridgette snapped at the host, crossing her arms.
"He ruined my plans for after TDI," the host explained, then smiled at Bridgette. "Oh, and he also still has a crush on you."
He made sure he was loud enough for Heather to hear, and was greatly startled to see the queen bee shrug. "So?" she replied. "I know he likes her, but they're just friends. Why don't you try minding your own business, Chris, like sticking to the rules of the game?"
Chris sulked when a lot of the teenagers applauded for Heather, something he (and well, most of those applauding) never thought he'd see them doing. Then he looked down at the console. "Oh, and by the way, Clive randomly picked Anita, Beth, Noah, Tyler, and Katie.
"That means the only ones available for voting and will be doing the voting and may get voted off are Carol, Cody, DJ, Eva, Geoff, Izzy, Joel, Mandy, and Sadie. Hope you all have someone you want to vote for, you have to make your choice in the following half-hour! So get cracking!"
(Janitor's Closet - Alien from Canada.)
Beth - "It was nice of Clive to pick me... though he didn't really. Still, was nice, I'll thank him tonight."
Anita - *crossing her fingers* "Oh please vote off Eva! Come on people, she claims she's so tough, but she's died every VR challenge, and she's let Cody too!"
Noah - *is busy reading a book, then he looks up at the camera and snarls* "You want to know how many people teased me about being carried by Clive in the game? Now all the rumors are all coming back! I'll never live this down, damn it!"
Tyler - "Wait, so Chef threw the challenge? That doesn't seem like him. Is he really that upset about his paycheck, or something else?"
Chef Hatchet - *He is scratching out a very bad drawing of a pony on the wall of the closet.* "I was proposed a pony at the end of Total Drama Comeback! Where's mah pony?"
Clive - *He shakes his head, grumbling to himself.* "Well, that's the way it's going to be. I mean, if the host is out to get me, what chance do I have in this stupid show anyway?"
Bridgette - "Chris was being really rude today, trying to single out Ezekiel. Luckily, we had this fine friend to save us all!"
*She holds up Groucho the Duck, who salutes the camera as she giggles.*
Groucho the Duck - "Just to let you all know, I'd be proud to lead you all into battle any day."
(Maclean Stadium, Arena, Half-Hour Later)
The crowd was cheering wildly as all the contestants took their seats at the raised platform. The nine who weren't save for that night were lined up at front. Izzy was juggling a few fake skulls (no one knows where she got them), Joel was talking to Hannah, and Mandy was busy making a pentagram on her palm with a felt marker.
Chris Maclean stepped up to the podium, apparently still in a bad mood as he was frowning. "You all know the drill," he shouted to the contestants. "There's thirty-five trophies, this time with the alien icon on it, and thirty-four of you teenagers from outer space. If you don't get one, you get on the bus!"
He pointed at the Bus of Losers, that pulled up to the side of the podium. The doors opened, and Duncan blew a kiss at Courtney.
"You don't get one, you're out, simple as that," Chris added.
"Is Chris cutting his own part short?" Gwen whispered to Leshawna, and both started giggling. "Oh, wow he is pissed about something."
"Shame this doesn't happen often," Leshawna added. "Let's savor it while we can."
The trophies being passed out was not something to savor, as all those with immunity had their trophies chucked at them roughly by Chris and Chef, several contestants being hit in the head or chest. Over the complaining, the host looked at the remaining nine.
"And now it comes down to you nine," he said, crossing his arms, "and this'll just be a pain."
"Just what do you mean by that?" Eva asked. "Which of us got voted off?"
All nine of them looked at each other, trying to get some unspoken answers. Hannah looked confused, and looked at Joel. "Is this about the VR game?"
"No, actually, it's about the voting," Chris said aloud.
He held up the remote for Vera's screens, and turned it on. The screen was static for a few seconds, then it was the inside of the Janitor's Closet...
(Janitor's Closet - With an empty glass and a scratching of a pony.)
Sadie - *She is fiddling with one of her pigtails.* "Aww, gee, I dunno. Well, Carol pretty much shut down during the challenge, and we can't have that! Sure I know losing a boy is tough, but she's not responding to anything right now."
DJ - "I don't know who I really want to vote for, but Mandy sometimes creeps me out. And don't cultists sacrifice animals to the Old Gods?" *He shudders.*
Cody - "Well, as a throwaway vote, since I like all the gals and guys here, I'll just vote for Joel, since he randomly voted me for last season. Not his fault, but them's the breaks when there's no one else to vote for."
Mandy - "I still suspect Geoff of being suspicious on such things such as being a suspect! The Old Gods can sniff out a traitor, mark my words! ... Whatever the hell that expression means."
Carol - "This love triangle thing with Cody is upsetting me! I don't want to see more of it, so I want him to go! He can solve it on the bus, and while he's there..." *She starts to sniff, then sobs.* "Tell him to go say hi to Billy for me when he's off the set! Waaaaah!"
Geoff - "I think I'm gonna have to vote for Sadie, because she was all around last voting session, and I think she's being a bit too aggressive." *He looks around, and then whispers to the camera.* "She's fiercer than she looks, dudes!"
Izzy - "I'm going to vote for DJ. Seriously, the guy's a real scaredy-cat, he can't even take a few skulls being juggled!" *She starts to juggle the fake skulls.*
Eva - "I'm going to vote for Izzy, because I still cannot believe she felt me up during the boating challenge! How am I going to be taking seriously when she's treating me like that, huh?"
Joel - "I haven't forgotten how badly Eva treated Anita at breakfast this morning! If she's not going to be civilized with this love deal, then I'd like to wash my hands of her."
Chris Maclean turned off the screen, and glared at the nine. "See?" he said.
They all looked at each other, confused. Then Cody and Joel both started laughing, having figured it out.
"We all voted for each other," Cody explained.
"We each have exactly one vote," Joel added.
The nine contestants all exchanged glances again, and then burst out laughing. Chris was very irked to see them getting along. Eva and Izzy hugged and apologized, Geoff shook hands with Sadie, Mandy pat DJ on the back and smiled. Cody handed Carol a tissue, and Hannah hugged Joel in relief.
"Stop being so nice, someone still has to go," Chris snapped. "The question is, how do I do this?"
"Why don't you just make the call?" Justin asked.
"I want to, but I've been told I have enough interference by the producer."
As he rolled his eyes, he suddenly stopped and snapped his fingers. "That's it! The fair-minded, unbiased, and caring producer! I'll ask her to choose!"
"Is that fair?" Noah asked.
"Maybe not to the guy who gets carried up to the altar by the emo boy," Zachary cracked, then pointed and laughed at him. Noah responded by standing up and walking off, not looking back at the ceremony as Chris texted the boss. "Now what's his problem?"
"Some people can't take a joke," Valerie suggested, shrugging.
"That wasn't very nice," Sakaki said, but only loud enough for herself to hear.
Chris waited for a few minutes, then his cell phone rang. "I'm too sexy for my shirt / so sexy it hur-"
"Figures that'd be your ring tone," Arthur exclaimed, gaining laughs from others.
The host cleared his throat. "Our wonderfully fair and generous producer has made the final vote. Her answer is here, and one of you nine is going to go!"
DJ bit his nails. Mandy clenched her fist, ruining her pentagram drawing. Izzy threw her fake skulls away and swallowed. Eva ground her teeth, Geoff gripped his hat, Carol stomped her foot incessantly. Cody bit his bottom lip, Joel glanced at the phone and Chris, and Sadie whimpered out for Katie.
"The one our nondiscriminatory and sweet producer has decided which of you, and why, has got to go... is...
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" 'As long as we have Joel around, we have to have Hannah around too. Get rid of him, I don't want to see her face'."
There was a few seconds of stunned silence, in which Chef handed the trophies out to the others who had won. Then Chris cleared his throat, and said, "So, there you have it. Now Joel has been voted off by our nice and kind producer. You can go now, without anyone throwing a fit or getting upset over this-"
Fat chance.
"You scum-sucking slime balls," Leshawna shouted, standing up on her feet with most of the other teens. "How dare you!"
"I thought you couldn't get any lower with your prejoo'dice," Ezekiel hollered, "but this really takes the pie, eh!"
"Cake, dear," Heather said to him, then said to Chris, "How could you ask someone who's so biased?"
"Our tender producer is not biased," Chris replied. Then he received another text, and read it. " 'You weren't supposed to read that text out loud, you stupid son of a bi...'... oh. Oops."
"You seriously cannot get rid of Joel," Arthur protested. "He made Vera for this show!"
"You're voting him off because his girlfriend is here?" Gwen exclaimed. "Hey, Courtney's been here, and Duncan's been sneaking back on every cha-"
She and the others calmed down when the inventor stood in front of them, and waved his arms for silence. "Guys, gals, aliens from LA, do not fret."
"Dude, how can you be so calm?" Geoff asked, gaping at the inventor. "You just got booted."
"This sucks so bad," Mandy roared, "I'm about ready to actually sacrifice someone here to reduce the 'suck-age' of this situation! Who here is useless? How about one of the twins, we'll still have one left!"
"Just calm down," Joel said, seating Mandy down as Sadie ran over to Katie in terror. "Look everyone, I've got this handled."
Joel walked over to Chris Maclean, and said, "Well Chris, you've aimed for controversy, shock, and jerk ass. Congratulations, you aimed on all accounts."
"Thank you," Chris said, grinning proud. "You're not going to be a poor sport about being voted off, are you, bra?"
"No, I'm just fine over this, I figured it would happen..."
The inventor then crossed his arms and glared fiercely. "But you drew the line when you aimed to hurt my girlfriend."
"What? But it's just-"
"You're voting me off to upset her, to get rid of her. I've seen petty, but this really takes the pie."
"I think you mean-"
"And thus," Joel continued, interrupting the host, something he really hated, "you know all those special favors I've done for this show? Like fixing every single electronic and appliance?"
"Um, yes."
"That's all off. You can just call an expert to do that, if you can afford it with how much budget you have after your hair gel."
Chris swallowed, and then pointed at Vera. "Okay, what about the virtual reality machine? Surely you don't want your baby to-"
"Nope, that's out too," Joel said, smirking at the host. "You can find someone else to fix her if she breaks down, if there is anyone except a rather expensive computer expert. And the heck of it is, I know how often you break it down whenever you use it."
"Oh mommy," Chef Hatchet muttered, looking at Chris. "You didn't plan on how this season would have gone without Vera working."
"Silence, Paycheck-Less," Chris shouted, but the damage was done.
Joel chuckled, then walked over to Hannah. She hugged him, and the inventor said one more thing before he stepped onto the bus. "Have fun repairing everything in the show on your own, Chris!"
The moment he stepped on the first step, the wheels on the bus went pop-pop-pop... pop. Duncan cursed and pounded on the steering wheel. "Not again," he shouted.
Hannah pulled Joel back on the platform, and they both smirked at Chris. She pointed at the tires, and said, "Anyone you know who can change a bus's tires?"
Chris, panicking, looked over at Chef Hatchet. "Um, dude-"
"I'm still in a paycheck-less-ness state, bub!"
Chef sulked off, and the host nervously wrung his hands. "Oh dear. This isn't going to be easy."
(Janitor's Closet - The second most controversial vote off!)
Joel and Hannah - Hannah - "You wonder why they don't like me?"
Joel - "It always happens when the show carries on, they always try to be more controversial."
Chris Maclean - *banging on the door* "Hey! You just got voted off, you cannot use the confessional."
Hannah - *giggling mischievously* "Sorry Chris, but the doorknob broke! We can't get out!"
Chris Maclean - "ARGH! Son of a..." *He walks away from the closet.*
Joel - *grinning at his girlfriend* "When did you get to be so crafty?"
Hannah - "Well, I didn't think I was going to join a large reality show and come out completely spotless." *She pulls him close, dusts off his jumpsuit, and then kisses him.*
Justin - *looking at the doorknob* "This thing doesn't look broken... Chris said Joel and Hannah were stuck in here since it was broken after Joel was eliminated..." *It slowly dawns on him.* "Oh! Clever!"
Sakaki - "This show is getting kind of mean... why did I sign up?" *She nervously looks around, and looks at the scratching of the horse.* "Wow... that's... um... really... eh... bad."
Valerie - *scratching her chin* "Joel being eliminated... I don't know if this is good or bad. All I know is that these virtual challenges might not be a good thing. Hard to convince people to do what you want when aliens or monsters or hunky vampires trying to kill you all."
Belinda - "So typical. There's trouble all over: Colin's threatening to beat up people, Duncan coming back to steal stuff, Valerie up to no good, Chris fixing competitions and Chef throwing them. So who do they pick on? The nice girl who only acts in self-defense for others.
"It's like one of those sites that go out of their way to ban people for minor things, and wave on those doing really immoral plans. I know of that kind of thing." *She smirks, cocking her head.* "Oh, and don't worry about our fine couple, it's not the last you've seen of them. And the reason for that should be obvious for you all."
Katie - "Noah seemed really down after the challenge. I think he's really sick of being teased. So I decided to do something really nice for him..."
(Room 7 - Justin, Katie.)
Noah was led into Katie's room. The bookworm looked around, and noticed all of Joel's stuff was already gone. "You know, this place really does seem emptier without all his tools and gadgets."
"I know, it's really a shame. And he never put any pictures up on the wall."
"It's really sad, but what did you need, Katie-Kat?"
Katie grinned, and walked over to the door and locked it. The bookworm was startled with this, and asked, "Whoa, wait! What happens when Anti-Me comes back to get his beauty sleep?"
"Oh, I arranged something for him."
(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah.)
"This place has the heaviest perfume I've ever smelt," Justin said, wrinkling his nose. "It's... sorry to say, not so good."
"That's my rat cage's shavings," Mandy said, holding up her cage full of rats.
Justin screamed and jumped in Leshawna's arms. "She's going to sleep with those things in the room?"
"We've tried to stop her, but she doesn't listen to reason," Leshawna muttered, putting him down on his feet.
Lindsay walked in, looking impatient. "Mandy, did you borrow one of my bras again?"
"I wouldn't wear your bras if they were the last support I could get before the well-rounded destruction of the world by the Old Gods!"
"That's it, give over!"
Lindsay struggled to undo Mandy's bra from behind, as the cultist began to yell about how she'd sacrifice the blond's brassiere to the Old Gods if she kept this up. Justin watched this, and said to himself, "Wow. Maybe Noah isn't a nut case for not wanting to stay in here."
(Room 7 - Justin, Katie, now Katie and Noah.)
Noah raised an eyebrow at Katie, and then asked, "Well, Justin's in my room with my crazy roommates. Where does that leave us?"
"Here."
"And how will I focus when there's all these pictures of Justin grinning at me?"
Katie grinned, and then tackled him, knocking them onto the bed. She started to kiss him, and then whispered in-between kisses, "You're all mine tonight, my Noah Boa."
"Only you could get away with calling me that, my Katie-Kat."
(Elsewhere in Maclean Stadium.)
Hannah, Joel, Ezekiel, Heather, and Tyler were all in the cafeteria, having a drink of water and a chat.
"So, you really are not going to repair anything?" Heather asked.
"That's my policy, and I'm sticking to it," Joel said.
"But dude, does that mean you're going to let that bus stay out in the middle of the stadium?" Tyler asked.
Hannah shrugged. "If anything, we could get Owen to push it out."
Ezekiel sighed, sipping his drink. "Well, all I knoo' is that if this shoo' continues to try and stay edgy, they'll eventually be cutting themselves on their 'oon controversial razor, eh."
Izzy popped out from underneath the table next to him, and nodded a great many times. "Ezekiel is rather clever! Can I quote that and put it on my profile online?"
"On what site, eh?"
"All of them. Even the ones I'm banned on, I don't let those little things get in my way."
(Janitor's Closet - Does not have a ban list. Yet.)
Izzy - "I can't help myself, I'm a creature of habits. All the bad ones." *She grins, pulling down on one side of her top slightly, then she takes out a pen and draws a mustache on Chef's pony scratching.*
...
...
...
Votes:
Eva - Izzy
Izzy - Eva
DJ - Mandy
Mandy - Geoff
Geoff - Sadie
Sadie - Carol
Carol - Cody
Cody - Joel
Joel - Eva
Producer's Vote - Joel.
...
Joel - 2
Eva - 1
Izzy - 1
DJ - 1
Mandy - 1
Geoff - 1
Sadie - 1
Carol - 1
Cody - 1
...
Voted Off - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel.
...
Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent and a bad scratching of a mustached pony in right wall. On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.
[1] - When Lindsay says she wants to be titled Lindsay the Queenslayer, that's a little bit of a spoof off of World of Warcraft. When one slays the Lich King, you get the title the Kingslayer.
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Next Up - TDBG goes MMORPG, OMG BBQ!