Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home, except for the MMORPG part. Just game at a considerable rate, don't let it eat into your homework time, and please, play as a gnome. They're the best.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - I hope you all like this chapter. After all, on July 27th, when Starcraft 2 comes out, I'm gonna be all over there.
Also, I'd really hate to be a jerk here, but would people please stop asking me to read and review their stories? I can only do so much in my spare time, and I don't think I'm qualified to critique other writing either. One of the best critiques I can always offer is to run the spell checker before you start writing.
Also also, new poll. For the results of the past polls, Izzy won the deadliest of the TDI characters, Groucho the Duck won for the TDBG characters, and Izzy won three-fourths of the votes against Groucho in a fight against her and him. Well done, Izzy!
Also also also, could someone please tell what is the best way to upload chapters? I have to go through mine every time to edit them, because for some reason, the sentences have become congealed. I'm getting really, really sick of doing that.
Now, onto the drama!
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Chapter 33 - Alright Chumps, Thumbs Up, Let's Do Dis!
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Chris Maclean - "It's time for another thrilling episode of Total... Drama... Battlegrounds!
(The opening theme starts. Lights spring up on the top of the stadium. A camera pops out of the janitor's closet, throwing Chico the Raccoon out. A door opens and Clive angrily throws a camera out of his room.)
*Dear mom and dad, I ain't doin' well
(Clive sulks past Lindsay and Tyler, who are passionately making out. He then has to run as Alfred rides a very fast zamboni down the hall, almost running him over as well as DJ and Sadie.)
*I've found a brand-new hell.
(The emo has to listen to Anita and Eva argue nearby Cody, and he tried to focus on eating before Zachary is thrown on the table. The whiner jumps off, Clive's breakfast on his back, to get at Yoshi who threw him on.)
*You asked me what I wanted to see
(Clive is the back of a car, as Geoff, Leshawna, Harold, and Mandy all singing loudly to a song on the radio. He struggles with the door, but the child locks have been activated.)
*Well, the answer wasn't for me to be on TV!
(Colin is trying to feel up Crystal as Xander comes in to throttle the bully. Clive, close enough to almost get hit my the flailing limbs, is almost struck when Justin throws his arms up in indignation. Him and Noah are having a fierce argument as Katie tries to calm them down.)
*I DON'T wanna be famous
(On Vera's screen, you see in the VR world that Clive is being grappled by a masked murderer. Rodney is kicking the killer's shins and Sakaki is pounding on his back, but neither is helping at all.)
...
*I wanted to stay away from the crowd
(Clive tries to ignore Gwen and Courtney shouting at each other as Duncan watches, loving how they're arguing over him.)
*So pack my bags so I can go home now
(Carol pounces Clive out of nowhere, knocking him to the ground. She giggles as the emo groans, as Arthur nearby laughs at the scene.)
*Nothing here to prove, no one even likes me
(Chef Hatchet snarls and slaps some disgusting food in Clive's face. The emo wipes it off and walks off as Valerie cackles in delight, only to get a face full too.)
*Just leave me in misery
(The emo sits in a corner, watching Izzy jump onto Ezekiel's back as he tries to talk to Heather. The queen bee immediately gets angry, but Izzy sees no problem with it.)
*'Cause I don't wanna be famous
(Beth chases after Groucho the Duck, who has taken a magazine. They accidentally trip Clive, who falls down on his butt. Sebastian tries to help him up, but then Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear approaches and chases them off.)
...
*Naw naw naw'no no naw nawnaw no naw!
(Clive is shown shaking his head and waving his hands, protesting. Behind him is the whole cast of TDBG, but he is trying to ignore them.)
...
*I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be; I don't wanna be famous
(Chris Maclean comes up to pat the emo on the back, just to put a "Kick me, I'm emo" sign on him. As the host laughs, Bridgette comes up and takes it off, looking at the emo sympathetically.)
...
*I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be famous!
(The whistling follows, but it fizzes out as Clive hangs his head and sighs in defeat. Bridgette gives him a hug, which startles him, and then Belinda comes up to pat his shoulder. The clairvoyant winks at him, and a slight blush appears on his pale face as he considers the two girls comforting him.)
(The camera pulls back to see Vera in the background, and the icon of Total Drama Battlegrounds on all her screens.)
(Maclean Stadium, Arena)
"Neat, huh?"
"So Vera could also make up any introduction you can think of?"
"Yep, maybe I could do one based off you next."
"Naw, that'd be embarrassing. Well, should we go back to helping them?"
"Yeah, our five minutes are up."
Hannah and Joel walked back to the bus down on its luck. Currently, it was jacked up on one side, as Duncan and Trent struggled to change the tires. Hannah and Joel had been doing a lot of work, and the musician told them to take a breather. Now that their short break was over, they went back to helping their friends.
Daisy was sitting down nearby, watching Vera from afar. She wished at first that she had gone with the others to get a late-night snack at the cafeteria, but realized she didn't want to be stuck with Sandra any more than she had to.
"I cannot believe Chef Hatchet stood guard in front of the rooms," Duncan grunted as he wiped his forehead, "to make sure we didn't crash here for the night."
"I cannot believe," Daisy said, smirking, "that you tried three times to sneak into Courtney's room."
"She's the one who threw you out the third time, wasn't she?" Trent asked, also smirking.
"Yeah, but it wasn't my fault. I thought she'd be alone by now."
"What makes you think that? She's still got all her teammates."
"With that Colin creep in her room, I thought for sure she'd crash another room." Hannah sighed as she wiped her hands on a rag. "At least we have our own hotel to go to, just wish there was TV or something."
"They've banned us from watching TV," Trent explained, "because then we might watch the show and learn all the secrets."
Joel shrugged, then glanced over at Vera. "I sure am going to miss her."
"Is she your second girlfriend or what, dude?" Duncan asked.
Hannah giggled. "It's okay, I know their relationship is platonic."
"Is it safe for you to not tend to her?" Trent asked.
"She's a complicated machine, but she's not dangerous," Joel said. "She doesn't break down easily either, it's mostly whenever Chris plays around with her that makes her need some repairs. That ego of his is too much for her, or something."
"But what happens if she breaks down, like, during the game?" Daisy asked.
"That wouldn't damage peoples' brains, now would it?"
"No, see, it's a virtual world that you are experiencing as if it were a dream," Joel explained. "If Vera shut down because of a power failure or a glitch, everyone using her would just be brought back to reality, as if they were woken up."
"So there's no chance of brain damage or your mind being lost?"
"Your mind isn't going anywhere in a virtual simulation, no more than going to sleep can lead you to going insane."
"Man, I could think of a bad joke over that," Duncan said with a smirk, "but not off the top of my head."
"So much for improv," Joel commented.
"Well, Joel, what happens," Trent asked, "if they learn how to control Vera while you're gone?"
"That's exactly what they've been doing, I told them how to run her, just like all the other challenges."
"What if they make challenges that are really bad or something?"
"I had no control over that, and I'm sure for the sake of ratings, they're not going to do anything too violent or immoral. Kids watch this show."
Trent nodded, and glanced over at Vera. "And they can't turn on any setting that makes the players feel pain?"
"Vera doesn't have that. It's like a dream, no pain."
Hannah looked over at Vera, then put her hand on his shoulder. "You're really going to miss her, aren't you sweetheart?"
"Yes, I am."
"You always have me."
"And reality with you is sweeter than a virtual world."
They hugged, and Duncan groaned. "Just when I thought some couples couldn't get dorkier, here comes the one that flirts in scientific manners."
(Next Day, Morning, Maclean Stadium's Cafeteria)
Most everyone was busy eating, as the breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, waffles, and pancakes provided a wide range for all those who loved the most important meal of the day (unless you sleep in really darn late).
Groucho and Chico were also there, the duck telling the raccoon of the awesome battle that he went through yesterday. The raccoon was impressed, and fired back of how he raided somewhere too. When Chico revealed one of Courtney's pink bras and put it on his head, laughing, Groucho face-winged.
Lindsay was trying to find Tyler, and when she couldn't resist the smell of her breakfast anymore, she sat down next to Gwen. The goth look upset, and when the blonde started to eat, she snapped at her.
Tyler, who had been trying to find his headband in the wreck his room had become, saw Gwen chewing out Lindsay, and then his girlfriend left the table, looking upset and rejected. The sporto was surprised by this, and instead of getting breakfast or going to his girlfriend, who was looking for another seat now, sat down next to Gwen.
"Hey," he said, offering her a friendly smile and a wave.
She returned them with a glare and a angry, "What?"
"Just wanted to talk," Tyler wasn't too phased by Gwen's anger.
"Is this about Lindsay? Look, I'm in no mood to deal with her this morning, I'm not feeling good."
"Is it breakfast?"
"Breakfast is fine, it's just," she started to say, then caught herself. "Look, I just had a very bad morning, alright? Why don't you hang out with Ezekiel, isn't he your friend?"
"It's... been a little hard to look at him since that fan service challenge."
Gwen scoffed. "Whatever. I just am having trouble, and I don't want to talk about it, especially with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" Tyler leaned forward, looking into her dark eyes. "This trouble at home or something?"
She stared at him, and then her eyes narrowed dangerously. "What?"
"If it is, you can talk to me. I know how that is."
Gwen replied by standing up, collecting her tray, and moving off. Tyler sighed in regret, mentally cursing how he played that, and slammed his fist down on the table; however, this was a mistake, as he accidentally hit Gwen's fork. He yelped in pain and nursed the sore spots.
(Janitor's Closet - Use the... no, we won't go there.)
Gwen - "Every morning, I'm trying to contact someone. I need to know what's going on, and unfortunately, there's always... problems. But what's going on is no one's business but mine. I cannot talk to Trent, because he's gone. Bridgette's got problems of her own and Leshawna..."
*She pauses then sighs.* "... She wouldn't understand."
Tyler - "I know it's not really my business. But... you know, if I didn't have help from Lindsay and Ezekiel, I don't know how things would have turned out, but they would've been bad.
"After Total Drama Comeback ended, my father had seen how upset I was, and he promptly told my mother to leave us alone, all of us. Now she's gone, and my sisters and I feel so much more comfortable now. I hope my father starts dating again..." *He taps his chin in thought.* "Say... do any of the other contestants have single moms?"
Geoff was sitting at a table with a few others sitting at the table, scattered about. Belinda looked at him across the table, looking into his eyes. She could tell he was troubled, possibly a nightmare or a buildup of grief.
As the party animal, who didn't feel like a party animal at all these days, ate or rather picked at his food, Bridgette came over. She saw her boyfriend looking sad, and immediately sat down next to him.
"Hello, handsome," she purred affectionately as she set her tray down and wrapped an arm around his waist. He flinched, looking as if it was a snake and not his girlfriend's arm around him. Belinda raised an eyebrow as she continued watching.
Bridgette sensed her boyfriend's anxiousness, and cuddled up against his side. "Hey Geoff," she said, reaching around and stroking his bare chest, "you know what I've been thinking about?"
"Wh-wh-what?" Geoff stammered, his face going pale. "Thinking about? What are you thinking about? Nothing bad, right babe?"
"No," Bridgette started to say, "well, it's just something I think we should talk about."
"Why?" he blurted out too quickly. "I mean, bad stuff's no fun to talk about, right?" he nervously laughed.
"But Geoff, we haven't made out in so long," she whined, sadly look at him. "We haven't even really kissed. I really miss it, I've been thinking about way back when we first started flirting. Like that time in the forest, when you told me I pitch a tent like a gu-"
"Tent!" Geoff exclaimed, flinching so bad that Bridgette let go, startled. "Tent... tent, that's right! I have to go move a Trent... tent! You know what I Trent... MEANT! Tent tent, gotta go, Bridgette, gotta move a tent!"
She watched him go, gaping in sorrow. Bridgette slumped, holding her face in her hands, whimpering in sorrow. She didn't even notice Belinda leave the table, but she did when the clairvoyant sat down next to her and rubbed her back in comfort.
(Janitor's Closet - No one pitches a tent in here.)
Geoff - "Okay, this is seriously getting uncool, dudes! I can barely sleep, guilt's gnawing at me! I think the person who organized this is going to ask me yet again to do something I don't want to! I've even started to get freaking paranoid, I'm worried that people are spying on me, trying to find out what I did-"
*The cot in the back sneezes. Geoff screams and runs out of the closet.*
Belinda - *looking down at the cot and smirking* "You know, you're not exactly ninja material if you cannot stop sneezing."
Daisy - *sneezes again from under the cot* "Well, it's dusty down here. Could you dust?"
Belinda - "Sure, but I want to ask, what are you spying on?"
Daisy - "Just wanted to see if I could get more information on these mysterious vote-offs."
Belinda - "Oh, and here I thought you were trying to look up someone's skirt."
Daisy - "Huh?"
Belinda - "Not mine, hon, Yoshi's."
Daisy - "Oh yeah, that too."
Heather was seated alone, waiting for Ezekiel to come join her. The person who sat down next to her though, was not someone she was expecting. She also didn't expect that person to be pleasant.
"Good morning, Heather," Harold said, smiling at her. "Very nice morning, fit for a good challenge, don't you think?"
Heather stared at him as if what he said was bonkers, and in another language, and had somehow recited it backwards. "Um, what?"
"Don't you think it's a nice day? I do. Sun is shining bright out there."
"Why are you talking to me?"
"Hmm?"
"Why are you talking to me?"
Harold stared at her for a second, then smiled. "Well you know, I've had a change of opinion on you. You're not as bad as a roommate as I thought, allowing me to use the space Howard left for my stuff and such.
"Plus, you've been a lot more patient than I thought. Even when Chris is drilling you, you don't snap."
"I can still snap if I want to," Heather said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not completely transformed like some people think I am."
"A complete transformation would pretty much be impossible, as far the terms of the human brain and the psyche go," Harold stated, "but so far, we all like what you've become."
Heather glanced at Harold, trying hard not to blush, something that she would never allow herself to do before her partial transformation. She looked to the side and said, "Well, Ezekiel helped me with that, and by the way, what do you think he'll say when he sees me sitting next to you?"
"He'll think that it's great you are opening up to other people, I know how this thought process works," Harold said with the nerdiest grin on his face. "And also, you are the one who changed, so you took part in it." Heather nodded slightly at this, and managed a little smile.
As Harold and Heather continued to talk, two ladies watched them from afar. Leshawna was one, startled at first, but as she heard the words exchanged, she felt relief and even pride for her man. Valerie, also watching, was irked and frustrated.
Leshawna turned to her table mate, DJ, and said, "Now ain't that like Harold, being a peacekeeper. I thought he hated that skinny girl as much as I did, but apparently, he can put grudges behind him."
"He did forgive Courtney over last season," DJ said, nodding. "Funny, I always thought I was a bit of a peacekeeper."
"Sorry, you big cream puff, but if a fight broke out, you would be the first to hide behind someone else." DJ hung his head in shame, but Leshawna was quick to comfort him. "Now don't feel down, you got heart, Deej. You just need something to motivate you... maybe it's time you got a girlfriend again?"
As the two talked about such a possibility, Valerie was still watching Heather and Harold talk, getting more and more agitated. "I can't have Heather start to develop a conscience," she whispered to her table mate, Zachary, "if she starts to become... ugh... nice, she might not go ahead with my future plans."
"You sound so hot when you sound scheming," Zachary said, grinning at her.
"Thanks. Seriously though, I wanna smash that nerd in the face for trying to butter her up, it makes me so mad."
"You even sound hot when you're violent," he added, stroking her side.
"Zachary, if you blow the cover on our secret relationship, you don't even want to know what I'll do to you."
"That sounds... very scary but possibly sexy."
"Must you have a one-track mind?"
"I'm a guy."
Valerie groaned and looked over at Heather and Harold again, frowning in upset.
(Janitor's Closet - A one-room mind.)
Heather - "Look, I'm still Heather, okay? I still could dominate this game if I wanted to. But you know... I don't feel like it. Back when I was the mastermind pulling the strings, I didn't feel bad, I really didn't. But I do, is that weird or what? And you know what? Guilt makes me feel... better, in a weird way. Makes me feel human."
Leshawna - "If you had told me during Total Drama Island that Heather was human, I would have doubted you. But you know, she sure is changing, and I don't mind that one bit. If Harold can accept her, maybe I can too! But later, my mind's still in the game, and I plan on winning this!"
Valerie - "I plan on winning this, and I will not accept Heather's mind not in the game! I need her to manipulate people, and I thought at first if she's connected to Ezekiel, then she could pull his and all his friends! But now nerds and dweebs like Harold are warming up to her, making her become..." *She gags.* "... nice! Nice can kiss my butt, this is a contest, and I intend on keeping it real!"
Eva was sitting next to Cody, listening to him explain a couple of his favorite shows. The scientific ones didn't interest Eva, but she listened nonetheless; however, she was intrigued by the shows he mentioned where they were scientifically violent.
The fitness buff was also pleased that Anita was not sitting on Cody's opposite end. This was because the teenage bombshell was sitting at a table alone, not even facing Cody and Eva.
Anita picked at her eggs miserably, only eating once in a while. She sprinkled a little pepper on them, accidentally getting some up her nose. She sneezed, wincing as tears came to her eyes from the force of the sneeze, and used her napkin to clean up.
Ezekiel saw this, and thought she was genuinely crying for a moment. Since his girlfriend was busy talking to someone else, he decided to sit down next to Anita. "Hey, new girl," he said, and she looked over at him in surprise as he added, "enjoying breakfast?"
"Um, kind of," she said. "It's good, you did a good job as always."
"Thank you, eh. But you seem to moo'r picking at the eggs than eating them," he observed, looking at her plate. "Something wrong?"
"No, no," she started to say, then she sighed and shook her head. "Yes. Something is."
"Want to talk a'boot it?"
Anita didn't really know if she should, she didn't know Ezekiel that well yet; however, the combination of knowing how helpful he had been to others last season, mixed with him saying "a'boot" made her drop her guard. "It's just... I think I lost Cody to Eva already."
"What? What makes you say that, eh?"
Anita motioned towards Eva and Cody, who were talking nonstop. The bombshell sighed, and muttered, "Maybe it was inevitable. I mean, they started to like each other right before TDC ended."
"I doo'nt knoo' if you should give up just yet, eh," Ezekiel said. "I mean, look, I'll ask Izzy to help, she loves hooking up people-"
"Um, Zeke, look who's nearby them."
Ezekiel looked to see his redhead friend sitting right next to Eva, being her usual chatterbox self, and occasionally nudging Eva towards Cody. Anita sighed when she saw Eva's hip brush against Cody's.
"Team Eva," Anita remarked glumly. "I love Izzy, so I guess that was the final straw, seeing one of my favorite contestants here helping the other girl."
Ezekiel looked at Anita, back at Izzy, then at the bombshell again. He managed to smile, and say, "Look Anita, Izzy may be Team Eva, but personally, I'm Team Anita."
"Really?"
"Yes, and I insist you keep trying. If you need a conversation starter, I happen to remember," he said, lowering his voice, "that he had a pair of hi-tech binoculars when we were adrift in the cabins last season. Why not ask him more about those, and his other fun toys?"
Anita looked rejuvenated, and beamed at him. "Thanks, Zeke!" She picked up her tray and walked over to sit down on Cody's other side. Eva was surprised for a second, then upset. Izzy was startled too, and then she began to stare at Anita's chest, shamefully, then down at her own.
Ezekiel chuckled, then he was startled when Izzy plopped down next to him. Her upset frown made him fear for a few seconds that she'd attack him for being on Anita's side.
"Ezekiel," Izzy said, then cupped her breasts and asked, "do you think I'm not big enough? Be honest."
(Janitor's Closet - Honesty is the best policy.)
Ezekiel - *still blushing slightly* "I sometimes wonder why Izzy goes from proud of her looks to being unsatisfied. She's joo'st fine, eh!
"Oh, and a'boot Anita, I knoo' there are a lot of people who are hoping Eva hooks up with Cody, but to be honest, I'm never bin much of a fan of Eva, eh. Plus, Anita helps me 'oot with the dishes after breakfast and dinner; last night, after the alien challenge, she was really quiet and upset, I felt kind of bad fur her."
Eva - "I thought for sure Anita had given up. Well fine then, let her keep trying. I've grown fond of Cody, and we work well together in challenges. Always nice to have someone spot for you, ya know?" *She chuckles.*
Cody - "Anita is nice and all, but she doesn't seem too interested anymore. I know she asked about the gadgets I had, but she got kind of quiet afterwards. Maybe it's time I make the call, since Eva's been really helpful and a good teammate, while Anita, as hot as she is, doesn't seem really interesting anymore."
Izzy - *She appears to be slightly bustier than normal.* "I'm not ashamed of my body. Just that being around my good friend Mandy might make me look a little lacking."
*She begins to sneeze.* " 'Cuze me a minute..." *She pulls a tissue out of her top, and blows her nose, then tucks it back into her top.* "Now where was I?"
Xander was sitting next to Crystal, trying to get her attention. She seemed to be distracted, looking at Carol. The enthusiast wasn't very enthusiastic right now, staring her breakfast down. Crystal also was glancing at Sadie, who was watching Noah and Katie snuggle.
"I wonder how it feels," the romantic mused, "when there are loving couples around you, and you don't have anyone."
"But aren't you single?" Xander asked.
"Yes, but that doesn't bother me, because I do the matchmaking. That's my romance."
Xander looked a little distraught by this comment, and looked to the side. "Oh. That's all you want?"
"Well, maybe not in my entire life, chap, but I do want to get these crestfallen and lonely people someone! It's most important to me!"
The rebel sighed, then managed to smile and say, "Hey, my British babe, I'll be glad to help you."
"Really?" she asked, blushing slightly. "That's so sweet of you! But... I didn't think a biker rebel would care about romance."
"You kidding? Pairing people up with those others couldn't see them with is one of the greatest forms of rebellion I can think of on a reality show."
Crystal laughed, but was cut off when a howl from Carol startled her and everyone in the cafeteria. "These darn eggs," she hollered. "They mock me so! They are a reminder that chickens are getting more love than I am!"
"How much sleep has she been getting?" Crystal asked Beth, who was sitting nearby.
"Barely any, I think she's punch-drunk and surviving off caffeine now." Carol, growling at the eggs, spotted Noah and Katie eskimo-kissing. She ran towards them, exclaiming, "Stop flaunting your love in the hallways, I am the hall monitor!"
Sadie stepped in front of Carol as the enthusiast dove towards Katie and Noah, knocking over the larger BFFFL. They crashed into a wall, much to Katie's surprise; the tan BFFFL clung to her boyfriend, and whimpered, "Oh man, that looked like it hurt."
"Naw, Sadie's tough, she looks fine."
"Aww, it's so nice how complimentive of my BFFFL you are!"
They kissed, just as Carol and Sadie got to their feet. Sadie was glaring at Carol, and snapping, "What's your problem, huh? Can't you let my best friend and her boyfriend cuddle?"
"It's not right, I've been single too long. You know how I feel!"
Carol sobbed on Sadie's shoulder, and in a few seconds, the BFFFL was sobbing too.
(Janitor's Closet - Single, but fine.)
Xander - *sighing as he looks upset* "I thought things were going well between Crystal and I, but ever since the cruise, she's been avoiding my advances. Look, I know she likes me, and she knows I like her, but I guess to her, pairing other people up will always take priority. So if I want her to see me again, I have to help pair up everyone!"
Carol - "I know I'm starting to lose it, but I'm still myself! Really!" *She goes to leave the confessional, but walks into the wall and collapses.*
Sadie - *comforting Carol, who's lying down on the cot groaning* "There there, you'll be fine."
*She goes up to the camera and whispers.* "I don't want to tell her this, but I'm getting really good vibes from Zachary. I know Katie warned me... but I think she's just being silly!"
Lindsay, who was trying to find a spot to sit down at ever since Gwen told her off, finally found one. She didn't notice who was nearby her until the person protested.
"What are you doing, sitting next to me?" Courtney snapped.
Lindsay normally had great patience, but she was frustrated over how this morning was starting off. "I'm sitting and eating, thank you," she snapped right back, eating some eggs to prove her point.
"Able to do that all by yourself now, are you?" the CIT replied. "Look, I don't want you staying here, you're a jinx."
"I'm a what?"
"A jinx, an upset. I picked you for the fan service challenge, and you somehow failed it. If you're that bad, I don't want you near me."
"That was two challenges ago, Cora," Lindsay protested. "Can't you just let me eat?"
"No, I was also saving that space for Duncan, and I don't you here. So haul your butt somewhere else.
Lindsay's baby blue eyes went wide, then narrowed angrily. " 'Haul'?" she repeated, growling. "Are you saying my butt's big?"
"Let me just say this, Lindsay," Courtney said with that practiced, politician face of feigning sincerity, "since God gave you big boobs and big feet, he decided to do the same and then same for your butt."
Lindsay seethed, and her patience finally tore. She grabbed her cinnamon bun and smeared the sticky syrup in Courtney's face. The CIT gasped in horror, as Lindsay smirked triumphantly.
"Maybe that'll make you more sweet," Lindsay said, proud of her pun.
Courtney snarled, and threw a handful of eggs at Lindsay's face. The blonde groaned and started to pick it out of her hair, then saw Courtney go for her glass of orange juice. Lindsay dove to the side, and Courtney accidentally splashed Clive.
The emo looked over, startled at this, and muttered, "What'd I do?"
Courtney was stammering for an explanation until a pancake hit her face. She peeled it off to see Lindsay throwing another one, and she ducked. Leshawna was struck in the side of the face, and she wasn't happy.
"Oh no you didn't," she shouted at Courtney.
"No, it wasn't me, it was-"
The CIT's eyes widened as Leshawna lifted up a bowl of cereal and tossed the contents at her. She leapt away, and Clive was soaked again.
"Figures," the emo groaned.
Now Leshawna, Courtney, and Lindsay were throwing, flinging, and splashing food, grabbing other peoples' breakfast for ammo. More people joined in, like Yoshi, Tyler, and Izzy. Some people, like DJ and Rodney, fled.
Elsewhere, Alfred was chatting with Mandy. He leaned his elbow on the table and stared fondly at her as she talked. When she finished telling a story, he asked, "So tell me, what did the teacher do after he found your rats in his desk?"
A syrup-covered pancake flew through the air and slapped on the side of his face. Mandy jumped in surprise as the gonzo calmly rubbed some of the syrup running down his cheek to lick it off. "Well?" he asked politely.
"Oh, he, um, knew it was me, and called me out to stop bringing my pets to school, even if they get lonely at home."
"That's such a funny story, Mandy. Excuse me for a minute."
He leapt into the fray, to her surprise. The cultist watched with wide eyes as the gonzo went ballistic, cackling with laughter, as he fought everyone and smeared them all good with good food.
"Hahahahaaaa! Take that, Courtney! Take that, Lindsay! Eat food, Yoshi! You want a piece of me? Buahahaha! Ooo, those crepes are nice, gimme a piece of that!"
(Janitor's Closet - Gonna need cleaning utilities from here soon.)
Alfred - *with small patches of food on him* "Hehe, nothing like a good food fight to relieve the tension, huh? Reminds me of the time my buddy Keith and I started a food fight at school, well we didn't really start it, some guy thought Keith was looking at his girl, and he threw a textbook at Keith, but Keith ducked and started pelting him with fries."
Courtney - *completely covered with food* "Ohh, I hate that Lindsay! Look at me now! Why is she even in this contest, there's no way someone as dumb as her could win! And honestly, she is a jinx, look at the enormous, unprofessional, food fight she started!"
Lindsay - *completely covered with food too* "Coralina really annoys me. She's as bad as Harmony was in the first season... well, maybe not that bad, at least she's honest. But still, she gets so mad so quickly, why is that? All I did was sit down!"
Clive - *coated in food, looking devastated* "You know, I really don't wanna be famous."
(Maclean Stadium, Arena)
After everyone who was caught in the food fight got changed and cleaned up, they were led to the arena of the stadium. There was no audience there, just Chris on the platform waving at them.
"Hello, campers," he said. "Camping out in a stadium, today is another big day for you! Who's ready for the next challenge?"
"Why are we having a challenge every day?" Sadie asked. "Isn't that rushing things?"
"We have forty-two contestants, we'll be lucky if this doesn't take more than three seasons to finish," Chris explained.
"What about your career?" Gwen snapped, crossing her arms. "You practically need this show to keep your sad existence known still.
Chris was taken aback by the harsh words, as were many others. The host shook it off and said, "Well, I'll still outlast all of you. Now, follow me."
"Wait, we're not having the challenge out here?" Zachary asked as the group of teenagers followed the host back into the stadium.
"Nope! Today, we're having it in a very special room of the stadium!"
They were all led by the arrogant host to a room they had never been to before, and when Chris let them all in, some of them went into total nerd-nirvana when they saw it.
"Computers," Cody shouted in joy.
"Lots of computers," Harold screamed in happiness.
"Lots of really good, up-to-date, powerful computers," Noah cried out in merriment.
"And if there's a lot of computers," Anita exclaimed in bliss, "that can only mean one thing!"
"LAN PARTY," the four cried out in rejoice.
Chris nodded. "Indeed! We will be broadcasting this live as our episode, the TDBG MMORPG! Our sponsors paid big money for these appear on the show, so keep saying how good they are!"
"My, how good these computers are," Belinda said as she leaned against a wall.
"Not yet, Bri."
Belinda raised an eyebrow at the host. "My name's Belinda."
"Is it? I've forgotten, you new contestants aren't as important."
"How rude," Crystal said, glaring at the host. "You had no problem with our names until now."
"Yeah well, after all this time, I tend to push unimportant things out of my head, Winter."
"My name's Crystal."
"Whatever," the host said, shrugging. "Like it all matters, who watches a show for the new characters? All they care about are the best ones, the most handsome faces, like mine."
"You are the definition of arrogant," Katie spat out, "you know that, Chris Maclean?"
"Your words don't bother me, Gabby."
"MY NAME'S KATIE! I've been on this show since the beginning!"
"Yeah well, you and your friend are practically the same, I never really bothered to learn the difference."
Sadie was having trouble holding back her angry BFFFL and Noah at the same time. Mandy was busy twirling her dagger in her hand, watching the chaos, as she said to the host, "Your ignorance will only make you an easier target for the Old Gods, Chris."
"Keep talking crazy, that's all we wanted when we picked you out, Joe."
"I'M MANDY, YOU STUPID, STUPID HUMAN!" [1]
(Janitor's Closet - No one forgets our name.)
Chris Maclean - *laughing* "Can you believe those girls getting uptight over something silly as getting their names wrong? You'd think it was something important!"
Crystal - "I know I vowed to hook everyone up, but I don't want to go that far! Chris can fend for his own self! Chef, on the other hand..."
Katie - *pouting* "Noah once remarked that they brought in some people to be cannon fodder. Well, Sadie and I will show Chris! We can go far, and so can Noah, and then our names won't be forgotten!"
Mandy - "Hastur, Nyarlathotep, Yog-Sothoth, gimme strength so that I don't kill that man!"
Chris Maclean - "Seriously, they act like they're going to last a long time in this contest, so that it might matter to remember their names. Our polls have told us that it is guys like Duncan and Owen being in the contest that get the ratings, so everyone else is..."
"... Uh-oh."
"Now, moving on," Chris Maclean said, posing near a camera, "our challenge is all about an MMORPG."
"A what?" Justin asked, baffled.
"It's a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game," Noah explained. "But I knew you wouldn't get that, Anti-Me."
"Yeah, such a shame I don't speak useless nerd talk."
As Beth and Katie tried to calm down their boyfriends, Chris continued. "In this game, we will have a team of five, standard team for a dungeon. Thus, we will have seven teams altogether."
"What's the game, Chris?" Anita asked, terribly excited.
"I'm glad you asked that, Ms. Fan Service," Chris replied. As Anita sulked over this title, he continued, "We will be doing the majorly famous: Prism of War!"
Loud cheers erupted from several of the contestants, not bothering to hold back their nerdy excitement. Chris smiled and nodded, "Yes, how could we pick something else? Also, this game will have a new dungeon, with four bosses for you to defeat."
"New bosses, a new dungeon?" Noah exclaimed. "Oh man, I think I'm gonna faint! Catch me, Katie!"
She did, and he giggled in her arms. Katie beamed at him and said, "This feels like a complete role reversal here, my sweetie."
"I'm the one giggling and squealing, you're playing it calm. Yes, yes it does."
The host continued to explain the game. "This contest is simple. You can only communicate with your teammates, and you all will wear noise-canceling headphones to prevent you from hearing other teams. To win, you must defeat the boss at the end of the dungeon.
"Now we will have five teams who will be winners, and there is a prize. Time cards for your Prism of War subscription!"
"What kind of freaking lame reward is that?" Colin barked. "I don't play this stupid game, I sure as hell don't want a time card!"
"You can always eBay it," Chris suggested.
Zachary let out a scoff as he glanced at Colin. The bully glared at him and asked, "What?"
"Nothing. Just always seemed to me like you were the griefer kind."
"What's that?"
"Someone who goes around and makes people's lives difficult, and nothing but that."
(Janitor's Closet - Making lives easier.)
Colin - "You mean that's allowed? I could spend hours driving nerds crazy by attacking them over and over? Hot damn, now I'm interested!"
Katie - "Little known fact about my book-loving cutie, is that if he gets talking about computer games, he'll start to get more excited and hyper than Sadie and I. Some think it's weird, but I find it so cute."
Sakaki - "I actually like playing games online, with people who don't get too personal. I mean, it's a lot easier to interact with people when it's not face-to-face."
*She blushes slightly and strokes her arm.* "Although friends in person are nicer, I gotta admit... but I don't do well when there are so many people around."
"Now we have picked out the leaders for the seven teams," Chris explained. "See, we found out who here plays the game, and thus we did a quick evaluation of your accounts. The people with the top seven accounts became our leaders."
Noah cleared his throat. "If I wasn't one of those top seven, I shall be very, very shocked."
"Me too," Katie agreed. "He has, like, so many endgame characters."
"Oh yeah," Noah whispered to her. "Keep talking nerdy to me."
"I will, my epic boyfriend."
"You sly, sweet girl."
Chris growled in frustration. "Noah, stop flirting with your girlfriend! Yes, you're one of the top seven, the top of the top seven!"
"Darn straight," Noah said, triumphantly bowing.
"Next of the top seven with a character collection almost as impressive as Noah, is Anita."
Most were shocked to hear this, and the bombshell pumped her fists. "Yeah, baby," she cried out. "I knew my addiction to this game would pay off one day!"
"You're into that game?" Cody asked, astonished.
"Heck yeah," Anita said, grinning at him. "Heck I was playing it before it came out, on the beta."
"For third place," Chris cut in, "we have Rodney."
The little kid let out a cheer. "Hooray! I play this game after I get done with my homework, and it's so much fun! I cannot believe I'm top three!"
"For fourth leader, we have Arthur."
The teenaged boy had been trying to look indifferent ever since the challenge was announced, and now all eyes were on him. He huffed and looked away. "It's my sister's account," he quickly said.
"But the account is under your name," Chris pointed out.
"Of course it is, I bought it for my sister, and it goes under the purchaser's name," Arthur pointed out. "I got it for her as a present."
"Your 'sister' has some vicious looking characters."
"Whatever. Am I still leader?"
"Sure sure, I'll buy that story," Chris said mockingly, grinning as Arthur fumed. "The fifth person to lead will be Harold."
"Awesome," the nerd cheered. "Prism of War has been a major influence in my life, as the cultures it bases the fantasy races off of have such amazing history and facts that I've expanded my horizons-"
"No one cares, Harold," Chris cut him off. "However, this next person might surprise some of you: Izzy!"
The redhead grinned, and noticed several people gaping at her. "What?" she asked innocently. "You think I never go online to pwn noobs, score leet gear, and slay in the name of my faction? I mean, it's fun in real life to do, but you can do more online."
"And finally, we have Zachary," Chris said, reading off the bottom of his list. "Everyone else didn't have an account, or one not as good as these seven."
"Alright then," Zachary said, cracking his knuckles. "Time to show everyone just how much I can pwn too."
Valerie scoffed. "You actually play computer games like this?"
"Babe, I'm more of a monster there than in real life."
(Janitor's Closet - Pwning germs.)
Zachary - "War of Prism rocks, and the best part of it is, you can be different races. Thus, when you claim someone is racist, it takes on a whole new level!" *He laughs.*
Arthur - *glaring at the camera* "I don't think a lot of people bought it when I said the game was for my sister. I hate coming off as a closet nerd on this show, but I guess that's better than being painted as a schemer."
Izzy - "Okay, so like, I can take on four guys at once in real life, but in the game, I'll allowed to use lethal weapons and magic! My school said I'm not allowed to bring lethal weapons to school, and if I try to use fire again to fend off an attack, I could face detention."
Rodney - "My brother got me on this game. He said I needed a hobby since I didn't like sports. I love the game, but some people I've met take it a little too seriously. I mean, why pitch a fit over some armor, it's not real."
Noah - "This is my sole existence for being who I am, the guy who likes to sit down and avoid doing physically trying things, like chores." *He laughs and then starts to talk more excitably.* "No one can defeat me when I'm determined! No player, no boss, no army, no one! I'm crush them all, and dance on their graves!"
*He pumps his fists and bellows fiercely, then remembers the camera is there and calms down.* "Um... yeah. Well, what? Did you think all I did was sit back and make sarcastic remarks? No no, sometimes I need to crush them so I can make better remarks."
Harold - *mad* " 'No one cares, Harold'? Why is it people keep saying that to me? I don't interrupt anyone when they're giving little details, like, "You're very tall," and "It's a nice day," or "Could you help me, my hair is on fire"! I swear, some people are so rude, gosh!"
Anita - "When I was growing up, I learned that nerds have a great fascination for strong women, and they love a gal who gets into the kind of things they do. So who do I want as a boyfriend? Someone who's sweet, loyal to me, has a great memory to details, and many other great skills! So nerds are the way to go, like Harold and Noah and..." *She giggles and smiles.* "Cody!"
"Can we pick our teammates now?" Noah asked as the seven leaders lined up against the wall, all placed apart to make room for their yet-to-be-chosen teammates. "I know who I'm going to pick!"
Anita and Harold nodded enthusiastically, but that excitement died when Chris shook his finger at them. "There's one thing you should all remember about these games," the host said. "The idiots you sometimes get paired with!"
"How can we forget those?" Zachary groaned. "I swear, I've been paired with every idiot who ever played the game."
"I had this one guy," Harold said to him, "who wouldn't heal our group unless we paid him gold. He was saying since he was doing the non-damage role, he deserved extra compensation."
Zachary groaned and added, "Man, that reminds me of this-"
"No one cares," Chris interrupted them again. "But you all will care about is that your first member of your team, besides you, will be picked by yours truly!"
All of the leaders groaned at this. This could be worse than any random search.
"Noah, I think I'm gonna pair you up with the worst possible person to be with," Chris started, grinning evilly at the bookworm. "Yes, someone who hasn't played the game, and would take days understanding the game. And even then, that person would do everything wrong and slow, causing all kinds of frustration."
"Boy, that sounds harsh," Lindsay said aloud, looking at her friends. "I wonder who could be that awful at the game."
"Lindsay, get over here."
"Why, Chip? Was I talking out of line again? I'm sorry-"
"Get over here, you're Noah's teammate!"
Lindsay squealed in joy as she hugged the horrified Noah. "I thought he was gonna be mean, but it appears he had a change of heart!"
As Noah groaned in annoyance, Chris turned to Anita. "Well, Ms. Fan Service, I think I know who you need on your team." She sighed, defeated, and then he said, "We're gonna have to have a nerd on your side! Cody, you are on Anita's team!"
Cody looked pleased, and was surprised when Anita hugged the host. "Oh thank you, thank you," she said, and then she hugged Cody. "We're gonna rock this competition together!"
"Okay," Cody said, at a loss for words, overwhelmed by the hug and the fact a girl was so into computer games. His mind spun, while Eva seethed.
"Rodney," Chris was saying to the little guy, "you can have your rival's girlfriend!"
"Not again," Noah groaned as Katie went to go stand next to Rodney.
"Oh, he's not my rival," Rodney said cheerfully, "he's my friend."
Chris chuckled, and pat the prodigy's head. "That's so nice of you, trying to be decent for the rude dork who hates everyone."
"Hey," Katie snapped. Rodney looked saddened by these words, and hung his head. Chris continued his assault.
"Aww, what's the matter? Can't take the truth? Playing with the big boys too hard?" the host asked mockingly. "Maybe you should go back to preschool, where they take care of big babies like you."
"Why are you being so mean?" Katie snapped at the host.
"I'm toughening him up, it's necessary for these kinds of things," he explained. "Now Rodney, you get the dumb, skinny girl on your team, who will probably be a burden. Though a little kid like you cannot take the heat." Rodney was shaking, his little fists clenched. Chris pat his head again and groaned. "What's this? Going to cry? Sulk? Can't take the hea-"
"JERK," Rodney shouted, kicking the host in the shin. Chris cried out in pain, and limped over to Arthur. As he left, Rodney teared up in guilt and hugged Katie. "I shouldn't have done that, it's not like me."
"I approved of it," Katie said, patting his helmet. "You're a good kid."
"Arthur," Chris strained to say, trying to ignore the pain and Arthur snickering at him, "you can have the other one, the other twin that I can't remember."
"Sadie," Arthur said, then was seized by Sadie hugging him. She put too much force into it, and knocked them over, squashing him underneath.
Chris Maclean headed over to Harold. "Nerd needs a bully. Without Duncan, you get Colin."
Harold winced, especially when Colin cracked his knuckles. "Just remember one thing," the nerd spoke up, "we're here to play a computer game."
"I can find time to torment you throughout the game." Harold pulled out one of his yo-yos, just in case he needed it.
"Izzy," Chris exclaimed, "you need someone who's completely opposite of you! Someone who is frustrated with how you're hitting on her boyfriend."
"You're going to have to narrow it down a little," Izzy said. "Most girlfriends get mad if you so much as look at their boyfriends, they're so dang clingy."
"I mean Heather."
"That does narrow it down," Izzy chirped as Heather grudgingly walked over to her. The former queen bee wasn't expecting Izzy to hug her and pull her close. "We're friends now, though! She will make a fine PoW padawan!"
" 'Pow'?" Heather repeated.
"Prism of War's abbreviation," Chris explained as he walked over to Zachary. "And you, Zachary..."
"Please not Yoshi, please not Yoshi, please not Yoshi," Zachary thought desperately.
"How about the whitest of the white boys to help a brother out?" Chris said. "You get the emo boy!"
"No, that's even worse than who I was thinking of," Zachary shouted as Clive sulked over to him.
"You should be grateful, I played the game at one point," Clive grumbled. "I quit when I found out life was so pointless, a computer game cannot help me avoid it."
Chris sighed and tapped his forehead. "Okay, leaders, pick one each, starting with Noah."
"I'm not sure who here has played this," Noah admitted, "so I'll just get someone I think will be good at killing. Yoshi."
"Belinda," Anita requested.
"Miss Courtney," Rodney said.
"Xander," Arthur said, trying to keep Sadie from brushing him off after they recovered.
"I want Heather's boyfriend, Zeke," Izzy exclaimed. "The three of us will have a great time together!"
"I actually want a real brother," Zachary exclaimed, "so I'll take Sebastian."
Chris watched people line up, then cleared his throat. "Good, good, my pick again."
Noah groaned and face-palmed. "You just have to make things as complicated as possible, don't you?"
"Yes, yes I do. And you can have your freaky roommate, Mandy, to join you.
"Crystal, go help Anita out. And play the game too."
"Alfred, you're a bad influence on Rodney, go join him."
"Sakaki, you're way too shy for someone harsh like Arthur, you're on his team."
"Carol, you beat the snot out of Harold, be on his team."
"Eva, you just don't get along with anyone. You can be with Izzy, who drives everyone crazy."
"Gwen, you're the whitest of white girls, you can be with Zachary."
(Janitor's Closet - You can copy us, we don't mind.)
Beth - "Sometimes I worry about Chris. Not in the sense that he might break down into tears, but in the sense that he'll just start insulting us and throw heavy things... cackling maniacally..." *She scares herself and hides under the cot.*
Sebastian - "There's a philosophy I agree with applies to Chris Maclean: losers always try to prove they're not losers. Trying to belittle people just to make him look 'cooler'."
Beth - *under the cot* "I like that saying!"
Sebastian - *cries out in alarm* "A talking cot? Oh no, it's just you, Beth. Don't do that."
"Okay, now scrap from the bottom of the barrel, leaders," Chris said, smirking, "and take whoever you like from the rest of the group."
Noah rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, I'll just take Valerie."
Anita scanned the rest and said, "I'll take Tyler, he's very nice."
"Bridgette for me," Rodney said.
"I'll take Deej," Arthur said passively, pointing at DJ.
"Geoff," Harold said, smiling at his friend.
"Beth, not my ex," Izzy exclaimed, glaring at Justin.
"I never dated you," Justin retorted as he joined Zachary. The whiner was looking at Justin, scratching the back of his head.
"Um dude, don't take this the wrong way," Zachary asked, "but are you black, white, or another race I cannot put my finger on?"
"Dunno, I'm a test tube baby."
"That'll be hard to put down in those panels where they ask for race."
"That's what 'Other' is for."
Chris looked at the seven teams, and grinned. "Okay, you teams all look seriously doomed. Before we begin, let me explain a few more things. You all have a half-hour to discuss the game before we start up the game and you all roll your characters."
"Why are we rolling them?" Tyler asked. [2]
As Noah face-palmed, the host laughed. "Oh this'll be good! Now, let me also tell you something. There are ten races to choose from, and ten classes. You can pick any combination you want.
"The ten races are as follows: human, divine elf, rabbitkin, genie, gnome, kobold, grove elf, lizardkin, demon, and dwarf.
"The ten classes are the following: soldier, paladin, samurai, adventurer, inventor, nature magess, assassin, wizard, jester, and necromancer.
"You can ask your leaders who are the healers and tanking classes, something you should really choose before you make your characters. Are there any questions?"
A lot of hands shot up. Chris burst into laughter, and added, "Oh yeah, this'll be really good!"
"My question's different," Alfred spoke up. "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Chris lost his smile, and groaned. "Whatever, dude. Now remember, you can have any class and race combination you want."
"Excellent," Mandy said. "I like the sound of a necromancer. I think I'll be a kobold too."
"No, you won't," Noah, her leader, said. "None of you should be rolling a kobold necromancer."
"Why not, foolish mortal?"
"They're a cursed class," Harold exclaimed, then waved his hands around and spoke like a ghost, "It's cursed..."
"On Prism of War," Anita explained, "there was one patch that changed a lot of things, but somehow, it made the class/race combination of kobold necromancer way too powerful. So people who wanted to exploit the game used them. Then when it was corrected, they overdid it, and made them so bad, no one wanted to play them."
"Yeah, and thus," Zachary said, "people would roll them not as characters they were going to play, but to do things like harass players, or broadcast illegal advertisements like gold farming."
"Scary, really," Izzy added. "It was like a cesspool for losers, who like to run around and yell obscene things. You couldn't swing a dead gnoll around without hitting a kobold necromancer in the face, and he'd still be spamming mean things."
"Things got so bad, I had to change my kobold to a gnome, just so I could play him," Noah said. "Everyone knows that not only are they jinxed, but the kobold necromancers sucks."
Mandy scoffed, looking angry. "No one tells me what to do, whether it be life, school, computer games, or detention riots. I'm rolling a kobold necromancer, and that's final."
"Fine, whatever," Noah groaned. "You're just going to doom us all."
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO SINCE I JOINED THE SHOW, MORTAL FOOL!"
(Janitor's Closet - Doomed as well?)
Mandy - "No one tells me which way I roll! Therefore, I'm going to go the way that's not straight up at all!"
Justin - "The divine elf is the most beautiful of the races, so of course I chose that. And you know, the pointy ears are actually pretty cool. Wonder how I'd look with pointy ears..."
DJ - "The rabbitkin are like bunny people, bipedal with arms and legs and faces. Big floppy ears, and carrying large weapons. It's like I'm playing Bunny, so I made a rabbitkin, and named him Bunny! Isn't that fun?"
Bridgette - "The grove elf race, and the nature magess class, they both called out to me. Though my girl character is a little taller than me, and has blue skin, I managed to get a ponytail that looks like mine. It's really cute to compose your character, but I don't want to get into the killing part of the game."
Yoshi - "Yes, I had to give my choice in character a lot of time and thought. It required a keen eye for the details of class, the abilities that were defined, and the necessity towards the group in order to accomplish our goal in defeating the enemy." *He pauses, then grins.* "If you bought any of that, then I deserve an award for acting. Of course I picked the samurai, no *Japanese censored* duh!"
Mandy - *blinks a few times, then frowns* "Did I say something that's going to come back and haunt me?"
(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Mandy, Yoshi, Valerie)
"Okay, listen up," Noah said to his group. The three girls and the boy listened, eager to learn more about the game they knew nothing about but needed to for the challenge. "We have three roles that need fulfilling for a group in this game."
"The first is the tank. Only select classes can play as the tank. They make sure the boss, and any other monsters, do not attack the other members of the team. They can take hits others cannot, so they will survive longer than others. We only need one tank.
"The second is the healer. The healer is basically our field medic, using spells to heal and cleanse. They not only heal people, but remove bad effects such as poisons or curses. You have to be quick in healing, because while the tank needs to live, the others may require healing. We only need one healer, and only select classes can be a healer.
"The last is damage, or what is known as DPS, which stands for damage per second. Basically, your job is to hurt and kill everything. Don't let the monsters hit you, let the tank focus on them, and kill the monsters while the tank is holding them. Any class can be damage, three of us are going to be damage.
"There. That's simple, right?"
Blank stares. Confused glances. An angry nose pick from Mandy.
Noah groaned, and shook his head. "Okay, let me put it more simply. The tank makes sure the monsters only hit him. The healer heals everyone to make sure they don't die. The damage focuses on dealing damage to the monsters."
More blank stares. More confused glances. A puzzled grunt from Mandy.
"TANK TANKS! HEALER HEALS! DAMAGE DAMAGES! What is so hard to understand about that?"
As Noah gripped his head and cried out, Chris couldn't help but laugh out loud. "I knew this was going to be sweet," the host said to the camera.
He looked at the others, observing their reactions. Izzy, Zachary, and Harold seemed to be losing it like Noah was, with all the blank stares and confused glances they kept getting. Arthur was losing his patience slowly but surely, and it didn't help half of his team looked terrified over the fact they'd be fighting monsters, even if it was just a game.
Only Anita and Rodney were keeping a great deal of patience. The prodigy had lucked out in that his teammates were eager to learn, and the bombshell was so happy to be on the same team as Cody that she didn't mind the confused glances from Tyler and Crystal over how the game worked.
"I predict there's going to be a lot of nerd rage here," Chris said to the camera again. "And boy oh boy, is that going to be funny. It's always funny to see nerds get mad, since they are arguing about things that are so stupid."
He laughed, but it was cut off short when Chef Hatchet startling throttling him. "You callin' Prism of War stupid, pretty boy?" he hollered, shaking the host. "You don't be calling my favorite game stupid, you hear me, boy?"
...
...
...
So how much drama can we expect from this challenge, even if it is just a computer game?
Will those who have played before go insane trying to explain it to those who haven't? Will they even manage to kill the first boss?
And how many in-game jokes are we not going to get? I mean, seriously, when you think about how many normally go over our head with each challenge, this one might be a lot worse in terms of-
Alright chumps, thumbs up. Let's do this!
LEEROOOOOOOOOY... JEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIINS! [3]
...
Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie
Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler
Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette
Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ
Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff
Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth
Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin
...
Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent and a bad scratching of a mustached pony in right wall. On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.
[1] - Chris calling the Belinda "Bri," like my friend on Deviant Art, may be complete coincidence.
Chris calling the matchmaker Crystal "Winter," like my dear friend and fanon queen Winter, may be complete coincidence.
Chris calling Katie "Gabby," my friend here and on Deviant Art too, might be complete coincidence.
Chris calling our Invader ZIM-like Mandy "Joe" might be... well, that one is more obvious, Merl merit.
[2] - The term "rolling" means to create a new character as quickly as possible, like rolling them out ASAP. It's sometimes used in a derogatory way, for telling someone they suck at their current character.
[3] - Leeroy Jenkins, the most infamous paladin alive, is known for coming back from an AFK break, and running straight into the fray while bellowing his name. If you know someone who just charges in without checking first, you know a Leeroy Jenkins. At least he's got chicken.
...
Next Up - Nerds trying desperately to get non-nerds gaming.