Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home, except for the MMORPG part. Just game at a considerable rate, don't let it eat into your homework time, and please, play as a gnome. They're the best.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - Just to let you all know, Prism of War is NOT a real game, I made it up. Ironically, as I write a parody of Blizzard's World of Warcraft, they release Starcraft 2. You all are lucky I still write these days.
The poll on classes is still up. Next chapter, we'll be reviewing who you want to see win TDBG again, to see how much you like the characters up to now. I wonder if Noah will be first place again.
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Chapter 34 - You No Take Candle!
...
"Chris," Beth exclaimed, leaping up and down with her hand raised. Many of the contestants stopped talking and watched her, fascinated for some reason.
"Yes, Beth?" the host asked.
"I just really wanted to ask, how do we lose? Is it the last team, or the last two teams?"
"Very good question, Beth. You get a cookie."
Chris tossed her an almond cookie, and the room was suddenly full of cheers and applause. This confused the host, who looked at the celebrating contestants. "It's just a cookie, for crying out loud. And to answer, the last two teams will have to vote someone off."
Beth nodded as she nibbled her cookie. "Uh-huh. And you said that the winners get a time card. Is that only first place?"
"Another good question! You get another cookie."
As he threw another cookie at her, there was more applause and cheers from the contestants. Chris shook his head in confusion, then answered, "It depends on what place you get. Fifth place gets three months free, fourth place six months, third place nine months, second place a year, but first place... gets two years!"
The veterans of the game all cried in excitement for this. The leaders went to instruct their teammates, but it was tricky for some of them.
(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie.)
"No, Lindsay," Noah snapped, "you are not being the healer."
"But why? No one else wants to do it."
"Because the healer needs fast reaction skills. If you don't heal people fast, they die."
Lindsay looked absolutely horrified, her baby blue eyes shrinking in terror as she covered her mouth. Noah stared at her, then added, "They don't die in real life, Lindsay."
She let out a much-relieved sigh. "Thank goodness," she muttered, patting her heart. "But Noah, I talked to the others, none of them want to heal. Yancy wants to be the tank, Mandy is determined to be that evil class, and Valerie already made her character."
"Well then, I'll be the healer," Noah said. "I don't mind it for... this..."
He mentally cursed when he remembered he already rolled his character, a wizard, which was not a healer class. "Oh damn," he cursed out loud. "Life, what did I do to make you hate me so?"
"Oh please let me be the healer," she begged. She dropped down to her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist, nuzzling her face against his hip. "Please, I wanna heal! It's the nice thing to do!"
Noah groaned in frustration, and said, "Quit QQ'ing, Lindsay, we don't have a choice. You're the healer!"
Lindsay let out a wild cheer, and started kissing his cheek. He frantically pushed her away, saying, "Stop, I have a girlfriend, and she's nearby, and I think she knows karate."
"It's just a kiss on the cheek," Lindsay explained, then sat down in front of her computer. She stared at her computer, and said, "Okay, I use my computer all the time at home, and I play those little games, so I think I'll be okay."
"Great," Valerie, on her other side, "that's like saying you've used scissors so you're ready for surgery."
Lindsay stuck her tongue out at Valerie, then smiled at Noah. "Can you help make my character?"
"Sure, whatever."
This took twenty minutes. The other teams had already started, but Lindsay was determined to make her divine elf look just right. There were only five features for her divine elf: hair style, hair color, skin tone, face, and earrings. Valerie was gripping her hair in frustration, Mandy carving angry symbols in her table with her knife, and Yoshi was impatiently drumming his fingers as he stared at his samurai character.
"No, those earrings don't look good with that hair," Lindsay observed as Noah cycled through the character details.
"That hair would look better with red hair now."
"Ooo, if her skin was a little darker, it'd look perfect!"
"That makes her face look a little chubby, can you change that?"
"Now her hair doesn't match at all. Can you make it longer and more permed looking?"
"Now the earrings don't match! Aren't there more? And what about lipstick colors?"
Valerie pounded her table. "Damn it, we're fighting monsters, not courting boys."
"You're going to see the back of your character the majority of the time anyway," Noah remarked.
Lindsay looked at them both as if they were insane, but she smiled at Noah. "I just want to make sure I look good for when I do this. After all, appearances are important, aren't they?"
Mandy growled and carved a pentagram, while Yoshi studied his abilities. Noah whimpered and clutched his head.
(Janitor's Closet - Appearances can be deceiving.)
Noah and Katie - *They are both in the closet together, and Noah is rambling as Katie patiently listens.*
Noah - "And then when she finally got her character created, I told her to click on the 'Ready' button, and guess what she asked? 'With what'? She had literally forgotten about how the mouse works! What is it about computer games and people that makes them completely forget how to do even the most basic of-"
*Katie suddenly, but gently, pushes him against the closet wall, interrupting him. He is surprised, even more so by her sly smile. She nuzzles his cheek, then kisses his jaw line.*
Katie - "My poor Noah, so frustrated. It makes the veins in your neck stand out. Lemme help you soothe them."
*She kisses his neck and moans in appreciation.*
Noah - "Oh... yeah, that does help. I love you, Cutie Katie."
Katie - *She simply giggles as she continues to kiss her boyfriend's neck.*
...
Yoshi - "During the time it took Lindsay to make up her Fantasy World Barbie, I actually learned how to play my character. As the tank, I felt it was my responsibility to know what I'm doing, not how I am looking. Still, I wish my armor looked more samurai-looking than fantasy world..."
*He stops, then clutches his head.* "Argh! Lindsay's metro ways are spreading!"
(Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler.)
As Noah struggled to get Lindsay's character ready, Anita's team was already ready. She was the tank, while Belinda was the healer.
"Sorry I took the Inventor class, Cody," she apologized as their characters entered the dungeon. "But that's my main character on my account."
"It's fine, really. I wanted to try a nature magess, they look cool, and mom always says I need to get out more," he joked.
She smiled, and looked over at his screen. "Do you know how to play?"
"Not really, it's a little different than most games I play."
Anita nodded, then leaned over to him. She was pointing out several of the features of his character's class, being very professional. Unbeknownst to her, Cody wasn't paying much attention, as her body was millimeters from touching him. Just that short distance made the geek completely unable to concentrate.
Belinda and Tyler were studying their characters' moves. The jock was in the middle of understanding how the game worked when he started receiving messages from Crystal.
...
[Lovegiggle] whispers: Tyler, how are things with you 'n Lindsay? Everything smooth and sweet?
[Hockeykatana] whispers: well things have been a little slow these days
[Lovegiggle] whispers: This isn't about how you had to kiss Ezekiel a couple challenges back, is it?
[Hockeykatana] whispers: ... plz don't suggest what I think you're going to
[Lovegiggle] whispers: Lol, no. I was just going to say you gotta talk to your friend. I may be a romantic, but I still want friends to remain friends.
[Hockeykatana] whispers: kk, lolz ill talk to him after the challenge
[Lovegiggle] whispers: It's known that people have complications in their relationships when having trouble with friends. Say, how does Lindsay like Ezekiel?
[Hockeykatana] whispers: i honestly dont know, she never has talked about him, just listened when i talk about him
[Technoblitz] says in Party: Guys, are you ready? I'm done telling Cody about his character, do you need any help?
[Lovegiggle] says in Party: Tyler and I are fine, I think.
[Codemeister] says in Party: You two both are? What have you been up to? Lol.
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: um...
[Lovegiggle] says in Party: Uh...
[Psychicjustice] says in Party: They're talking about Tyler's relationship with Lindsay, of course.
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: lolz, thanks belinda
[Technoblitz] says in Party: Hehe. Well, I think we're all ready then.
[Psychicjustice] says in Party: Cody isn't.
[Technoblitz] says in Party: Huh, what do you mean?
[Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: You were leaning too close to him when instructing, he doesn't remember a thing.
[Technoblitz] whispers to [Psychicjustice]: ... Oops. *is blushing so hard over here* Well don't worry, he's very smart, he'll get it quickly.
[Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: Your marvel for smart boys is an inspiration.
[Lovegiggle] says in Party: What are you two talking about, hmmmmm? As if I couldn't guess! Heeheehee!
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: lolz, way to go, cody
[Codemeister] says in Party: C'mon, Ty. Anyway, I know how to do this, let's start it up.
[Technoblitz] says in Party: Told ya, Belinda. :)
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: wait we have headsets y r we typing?
(Janitor's Closet - It's like texting in-game.)
Chris Maclean - "I'd just like to apologize for all you non-nerds for having to watch this, but the sponsorship for the game and computers was too much to turn down. I know how annoying it is, nerdy stuff is stupid."
Anita - *smiling proudly* "I love this kind of stuff, and it's amazing how fast Cody learned. He's just so smart, I love that about him. See, I love intelligence in boys, and while I like the likes of Tyler and Xander, I really love nerds. Cody, Harold, Noah, Ezekiel, the intelligence and passion is where it's at. Girls, you should really try a smart boy, they'd make a wonderful boyfriend."
Chris Maclean - "HA! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Nerds are lame! Just to show how wrong this is, I'm going to play it for the next few people who enter this closet!"
Harold - *blushing, smiling shyly* "Gosh. Thanks."
Cody - *grinning* "Gee, that's really cool..."
Ezekiel - *blushing and flutzing with his toque* "Aww gee, I didn't think I was that smart, eh..."
Tyler - *tapping his chin in thought* "Maybe Lindsay would like it if I was smarter?"
Sakaki - *watching the video* "Really? Sebastian's pretty smart..."
Carol - *writing down notes on a pad* "Uh-huh, uh-huh, yes! Got it! Tell me more, oh wise one!"
Eva - *snarling* "Why that... how dare she! I don't need to crush on nerds, they're twigs! Though Cody is the guy I want now..." *She drifts off.* "And Harold's alright too, I guess, I could see me...! Wait no, damn it, what am I saying? I'm here to compete, COMPETE! Not get flustered in romance like if this was some stupid teen romance written by a love struck girl!"
(Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette)
"We're gonna be attacking the first boss soon, guys," Rodney informed his team over the headset. "Just take out this last patrol of monsters, and we'll be fine."
They attacked, and something that had become a pattern happened once again. Alfred's character died in the process of attacking the patrol. Courtney groaned in frustration as revived him.
"Can't you stay alive for one pack of monsters?" she snapped at him. "You're slowing us down!"
"Au contraire," Alfred said happily in return, "my uber-DPS is slaying the monsters faster, and though I die, I pwn those mobs with my leet skills."
"What the hell are you saying? Is that some slang associated with the game, some inside joke we're not supposed to get?"
"Courtney," Bridgette spoke up, "that's pretty universal on the internet."
"You too?" the CIT exclaimed in dismay. "I thought you wouldn't be into this kind of stuff."
Bridgette smirked at her friend. "I have rather epic skills that own elites like if they were total noobs."
Courtney stared in astonishment as Alfred fanned himself. Katie cleared her throat and said, "Guys? Shall we attack the boss now?"
The others looked at the first boss of the dungeon, which was an very pale elf dressed in flowing red and black robes. His hair was suspiciously like Billy the intern's.
"Count Villyashun," Rodney said aloud. "Now, we don't know anything about this boss, so when I go in, spread out in case we get some bad effects."
"Roger," Courtney said as professionally as possible.
"Pull, tank and spank," Alfred agreed.
"Stop talking like that!"
"GTG, little man."
"You too, Bridgette!"
"OMG, I'm, like so excited!"
"KATIE! Will you all be professional about this? Just go in there and kill the monster-"
Courtney had been ranting so much that she headed in before Rodney had, and the boss crushed her character. She stared in horror as Alfred and Katie laughed, and Bridgette revived her friend from afar.
"Okay, you all ready?" Rodney asked after Courtney was ready again.
"Yes," the CIT replied, downtrodden.
Count Villyashun attacked Rodney's grove elf soldier with burning fists, but the blue-skinned warrior was standing his ground. The fight went on for a few seconds before Katie received a negative magic effect.
"Now what's that?" she asked aloud, then started to read it out loud. " 'Inner Suffering Bomb. After it expires, it causes massive damage to any nearby allies.' Guys, what's that mean?"
"Katie," Courtney was starting to say before a massive explosion from Katie's character killed Rodney's, Bridgette's, and Alfred's. The boss had no trouble finishing off the other two.
Katie whimpered. "Did I do that?" she asked.
"It's okay, it's our first time," Rodney said cheerfully. "Let's just hurry back and try again."
They did, only it seemed like a repeat of last time. Katie got the debuff again, and, panicking, ran right towards the others, and managed to kill them all with the massive blast.
"Oops," she remarked with a cringe. "Did I do that, too?"
(Janitor's Closet - Did I do that?)
Courtney - *mocking Katie* " 'Did I do that'? Honestly, who says something as dorky as that?"
Alfred - *wiping his mouth clean of drool* "When girls speak leet, it makes me swoon. If Mandy ever says 'Noob got pwned,' I may faint."
Bridgette - "Sometimes I wonder why Courtney is so uptight during these contests. I mean, I love to win, I prefer to be the victor, but I could never chew someone out over failing a little." *She blushes and mutters.* "Because... that's usually my fault. I still find it a miracle I won last season."
(Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ)
"Damn, this guy's hard," Arthur exclaimed as all of his teammates died against Count Villyashun. "That bomb effect is really hard to avoid. Awesome fight, worthy of a good challenger."
"I thought you don't play the game," Xander remarked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't, but I love a good challenge."
"Ri-iiiiiiight."
"Look man, if you wanna go back to the kind of challenges Chris normally puts forth, like eating rotten food or diving off a cliff or a violent sports game-"
"I got it, I got it. Hey, I don't mind this that much, just kind of feels silly to play a computer game on a reality show."
Sadie tapped Arthur's shoulder, and he looked at her. "Yes, Sadie?"
"I need to, like, ask you something."
"We're wearing headsets, why don't ask me overhead?"
"No, it's something I want to ask you personally."
Arthur sighed, then pointed at the text box on his screen. "Whisper my character, okay?"
"But I don't wanna type it, it's too important! It'd be like texting someone something important!"
"She's right, you know," Sakaki timidly added over the headset. "You don't text people, you gotta tell them personally."
"The girls are right," DJ said, patting Sakaki on the shoulder. The moe squeaked and hid underneath the table, much to the brick house's surprise.
Arthur groaned, and said, "Okay, fine, Sadie. Go ahead and tell me, personally."
Sadie smiled, and leaned in. Arthur leaned in too, and faced his ear to her mouth. She then asked in the softest voice she could possibly pull off.
"Do you think Zachary likes me?"
Arthur face-palmed. "Sadie, this is a challenge! We are trying to win against four evil bosses, not worry about our love lives!"
"But it's important I know! I've seen you hang out with him sometimes-"
"I don't hang out with anyone," he interrupted her, putting his headphones back on. "I'm just a loner, not a socialist in any way."
Sadie actually looked sympathetically towards him. "Is that because you're labeled as a schemer?"
"I'm not that either!"
"Dude, just because you scheme," Xander said as he walked his character up to the boss, "doesn't make you a bad person."
"Being a loner isn't too bad either," Sakaki said from under the desk.
"DJ, will you get her out from under there?" Arthur asked. "We have a boss to kill! We have to slay him, and steal the loot from his corpse and...
"... Xander, will you get DJ out from under the desk as well?"
The so-called schemer face-palmed again, and was surprised when Sadie pat his shoulder. "Don't worry, we all have faith in your leadership today."
"Says the only one who's not under the desk right now."
(Janitor's Closet - All the cleaning solvents for under the desk.)
Arthur - "Sometimes I wonder why people like Sakaki and DJ signed up for the show if they're so easily scared. Maybe the money or hanging out with others is worth it. All I know is that these VR challenges and this computer game, it's so worth it! If only there was some way to play with only experts."
DJ - "I've actually played the game a lot, and I enjoy it! I just don't like it when people start talking so violently, because I worry they'll forget it's just a game."
Xander - "Personally, I wouldn't mind more violence and strife as far as challenges go. I mean, I would dominate then, because I'll be half of these guys have never even been in a real fight, or seen real danger outside of the show." *He gently traces his facial scar.* "Of course, not every experience is worth bragging about."
Sadie - "I still think romance is more important than the challenges! One day, the challenges will be over, but love won't be! Katie found herself a boyfriend, it's high-time I do it too!"
*She takes out a marker and writers above Chef's badly-drawn horse: Sadie WILL get a boyfriend.* "See? That makes it official."
Clive - *He reads the positive messages from Sadie, then takes the marker from the shelf and writes next to it: Clive won't get anyone.*
Colin - *He reads the messages, then laughs, and writes "lol" all over it, then starts to write some other things...*
Izzy - *She has a paint roller and is painting over the wall, and also whacking someone on the floor, who's screaming in pain.* "How dare you question Izzy's natural 'redheadedness'!"
(Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff)
"What happened to you?" Carol asked Colin. The bully was splattered with white paint and sporting a black eye.
"Izzy got mad that I dared people to find out if she was a natural redhead from my janitor closet message," Colin grumbled. "Man, some people can't take a joke."
"How can someone find out what her natural hair color is?" Geoff asked, confused. "You mean, like, look up her medical records?"
"Or her birth certificate?" Carol asked.
Leshawna was looking nervously at the two, then glared at Colin when he added, "Dudes, you think she was born in a hospital? I think she came from an egg. Or outer space."
"Enough of that, rude person," Harold chastised him. "Right now, we have a boss to fight, and since we've lost some time from our frequent breaks-"
"Why don't you make me?" Colin asked, crossing his arms and smirking at Harold.
"Excuse me?"
"Make me, nerd," the bully repeated. "I'll pull your underwear over your head if you make me play a game like this."
"I thought you were excited to play this when you learned what griefers do," Carol asked with an annoyed look on her face.
"And the first step to griefing in one of these MMORPGs is to be difficult for no reason," Colin said, grinning smugly at his teammates. "And I'm loving it, you all look so annoyed."
"Dude c'mon, joke's over," Geoff said, looking pleadingly at Colin. "We want to win this, you don't need to be like this-"
Colin was going to interrupt him, but Leshawna interrupted his interrupt by intercepting his ear with her fingers. Yanking up, she caused the bully to wail in pain and cry out, "Ow ow ow ow!"
"First you insult and threaten my man," she growled, "then you don't want to even try to win this game? What's the matter with you, white boy? Are you trying to get voted off?"
"There's no way I'll get kicked off," he snapped, flailing his arms around as he struggled to get out of Leshawna's painful grasp. "I have my methods."
"So do I. And it's called Leshawna's Little Foot Up Your Stubborn Ass If You Keep Messing With My Man Method!"
She yanked Colin back down in his seat, and then rubbed the paint of her fingers. Harold beamed at her, and she smiled right back. "Thank you," he said appreciatively, "my Chocolate Goddess."
"Any time, my skinny man. Now, let's pwn this noob Count!"
"Oh be still, my palpitating heart!"
(Janitor's Closet - That's a long title for a method.)
Leshawna - "Harold visited me again during the gap in-between TDC and TDBG, and I gotta say, I love my sugar baby. But he does tend to make some people rather angry whenever he goes off on nerdy things like this game. I used to think it was lame at first, but then he got me into it, and I say, if anyone messes with the dwarves, I'll show them they're messing with the wrong woman!"
Geoff - *scratching his head as he stares at the paint-covered wall* "But where does one check if a girl's hair color is natural? Unless..."
*He stops, then his eyes widen.* "Oh Colin, that's not cool, eh."
Mandy - *She is drawing a pentagram on the painted part, cackling wickedly.*
(Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth)
"Eva, someone sent you up the bomb, move it!"
Izzy's barking command alerted the fitness buff, and she ran her character to the edge of the room. The explosion didn't hit anyone, and thus she rejoined the fight.
"Good job, my Eva girl," Izzy congratulated. "I thought you would be too distracted trying to see Cody from here."
"I'm not distracted," Eva growled. "I got my head in the game!"
"Just remember," Izzy said, closing her eyes and holding one hand up in a lecturing motion. She was now playing blind with one hand, but still was doing just fine. "Cody will eventually fall for you. I have faith in that."
"Tell that to your taken boyfriend."
Everyone on the team seemed startled by this, and Ezekiel started shrinking in his seat. Heather was distracted now, and staring at her boyfriend. "What's that mean, Eva?" she asked harshly.
"Ezekiel was convincing Anita to go after Cody again during breakfast this morning!"
The prairie boy swallowed as he nervously glanced at Heather and Izzy. His girlfriend looked disgusted, while his redhead friend looked concerned.
"You mean my Zeke is trying to get the new girl hooked up with Cody?" Izzy asked.
"Yes," Eva grumbled, "I guess he still resents the way I treated him, or something lame like that."
"Ooo, a rivalry, a contest," Izzy exclaimed. She grinned at Ezekiel and said, "Competition between friends! You're on, my dear Zeke!"
"I cannot believe you're helping Anita, Ezekiel," Heather snapped. "For crying out loud, what is it about boys that makes them helpless to girls like that?"
Ezekiel protested, "There's moo'r to Anita than just her looks-"
Beth cleared her throat. "Guys, we just killed the first boss during your argument."
The four embroiled in an argument realized that they had indeed killed Count Villyashun. After cheering and celebrating, they moved on, killing more guards and monsters before reaching the second boss.
Izzy surveyed the scene. In the middle of a platform were four different creatures: a brown dragon whelp, a demonic looking beast with circles around its eyes, a moose with glowing eyes and flaming hooves and spiked horns, and a gigantic bear.
"Looks like a petting zoo from hell," Eva commented. "So why are we fighting these freaks again?"
"They must be the evil pets of the main boss here," Beth suggested. "But we cannot fight all four at once."
"We're not, I'll bet this is a continuous pull," Izzy explained. "We engage one, and once that one is dead or a certain amount of time has past, the next one engages. Repeat until all are dead."
"You know," Heather said, "despite the fact you're describing a computer game, you actually sound... normal when describing these things."
"Computer games are serious business," Izzy roared, startling her team. "We move in, kill, and carry on! Any questions, maggots?"'
"No," they replied.
"Good! Now then, carry on! For Eva winning over Cody!"
Her team cheered in reply, except for Ezekiel, who looked a little crestfallen at this.
(Janitor's Closet - No maggots in here!)
Heather - "I think there is still some part of Ezekiel that has him think he has to forever be apologetic to girls for what he did first season. I try to tell him that guilt will eat him alive, but he still goes and acts nice around all the girls. Frankly, it does make me a little upset, especially if he's being buddies with that new bombshell girl."
...
Beth - "Oh, I'm Team Eva for sure, she's my friend. I just hope everyone turns out happy."
*The door opens and Chris pops in for a moment.*
Chris Maclean - "That's lame!"
Beth - *She scowls at Chris, and then shouts.* "Confessional time is private time, get out!"
(Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin)
Zachary snarled as his team went against Count Villyashun for yet another attempt. He was getting annoyed with how many attempts it was taking.
"Justin, seriously," he shouted, "get your white butt away from us if you get the bomb effect!"
"I'm trying, but the countdown time is so short," the male model protested.
"Whatever, white boy."
"I told you, I'm a test tube baby! I'm not sure-"
Justin's character exploded, killing Sebastian's. The philosopher sighed and leaned back. "Carry on," he said to his teammates.
"Thanks a lot, Justin," Zachary shot at his teammate. "If we lose, your white butt is so getting voted off."
Justin swallowed nervously, then he noticed a message was being sent to him from Sebastian's character.
[Sokraties] whispers: He who speaks loud does not act.
Justin looked over at the philosopher, confused. Sebastian looked back and said, "All hot air and no guts about it."
"Oh, I get it," Justin exclaimed happily.
"Also, you should have been watching your screen, your character's dead."
Justin noticed this too, and face-palmed. Gwen groaned and tried to push to make up for two damage dealers being dead, but it was taking too long. A couple bombs later, and the team was dead again.
"Gee, thanks for distracting him, Sebastian," Zachary remarked. "I was really hoping you'd be the only sense in this sea of white people I was forced to hang out with."
Gwen frowned and crossed her arms. "Why don't you go dunk your head in a bucket of ice water?" she snapped. "With piranhas in it!"
"Feisty much?" Clive said as he guided his character through the dungeon to get back to the first boss.
"Yeah, Gwen, shut up," Zachary shot at her. "You think you can talk to a brother like that because you're friends with Leshawna, white girl?"
Gwen glared at her leader. "I can talk to anyone however the hell I want, jerk. Now just try focusing on the challenge, and stop calling me 'white girl'!"
"Leshawna calls you that all the time, why do I have to?"
"Because she says it, it doesn't sound like an insult."
"I'm not being insulting, you are just really white. You must never see the sun, like Clive here."
"I'm this white because of a skin disease," Clive replied. "It's really rare, so lucky me for having caught it..."
He stopped when Zachary had scooted so far away from him that he bumped into a member of another team. Clive frowned and said, "It's not contagious."
"Get away from me, diseased white boy!"
(Janitor's Closet - No skin diseases on us!)
Zachary - "So my teammates are a diseased boy, a dumb model, a snappy goth girl, and Sebastian. Thanks, Chris, thanks a bunch."
Justin - "Man, computer games are trickier than I thought. Maybe Noah isn't so lame for playing them... but hey, he still can't get his hair to look this incredible!" *He runs a hand through his silky hair.*
Sebastian - "Kind of pathetic how when we're playing a game involving elves, kobolds, demons, and lizard people, Zachary still has to play the race card."
Chris Maclean walked around the contestants, chuckling when he saw characters dying and giving small rounds of applause when he saw a boss get killed. Chef Hatchet was also watching, and trying to make sense of it.
"I think Count Villyashun is Billy," he said to Noah, who was greatly annoyed at being disturbed, "but who are these animal freaks supposed to be?"
"The duck, raccoon, moose, and bear made famous on the show, I guess," Noah said. "Now quit bothering me!"
He tried to put his noise-canceling headphones back on, but Chef stopped him. "Boy, you crazy if you think you're gonna win," he said with a dark chuckle. "You got Blondie on your side."
Noah groaned and managed to put on his headphones this time. He looked at Lindsay and said into his microphone, "Okay, Lindsay, how are you holding out?"
"I'm doing alright," she said cheerfully. "Those tips you gave me are really helping, Koala!"
Noah nodded. "Right, you just keep healing, I'll eat some eucalyptus leaves."
"Okay!"
The bookworm face-palmed, and muttered to himself, "How'd we even get passed the first boss? All logic says a bad healer should be doom for your group!"
(Janitor's Closet - Back so soon, eh!)
Noah - "The incredulous thing is that Lindsay actually turned out to be not so bad at healing. Any time she saw someone's life bar going down, she'd cry out in terror and heal them, like some panicky medic. It would have been comical, had I not been so impressed and feeling rather guilty."
Lindsay - "I could really get into this kind of stuff, you know? Boys seem to really like when you tell them you like video games, and there's nothing nicer than seeing boys looking at you fondly, and I mean really looking at you, not just at your chest."
*She smiles, then looks confused.* "I still don't get the big deal about chests, you know? I sometimes wonder if a lot of girls drip something on them while they eat, but I'm a clean eater and boys are always looking at my chest! Dad says that's where the money is. Maybe I dropped a dollar down there?"
*She starts fishing in her cleavage.*
(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie)
"Okay guys, good work," Noah exclaimed as the final monster from the collection of rabid animals fell dead. "Excellent work! We got rid of all of them: Growlcho the Whelp, Cheeko the Trash Beast, Brooce the Felmoose, and Crushy Wushy the Bear!"
"That was fun," Lindsay cheered. "Can we do it again?"
"No, we must press on! We spent enough time doing your character, we're probably way far behind!"
Mandy cackled and said, "And you said my character would be a jinx!"
"Don't jinx it, Mandy!"
"You can't jinx a jinx, you foolish minx!"
Noah blinked and asked, "Okay, I have no idea why you're calling me that. Onward!"
Valerie rolled her violet eyes. "Quit trying to sound like some kind of leader, Noah, you cannot pull it off."
"Sorry, Valerie, cannot hear you over how loud all your pink clothing is. Now onward, damn it!"
(Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler)
Anita glanced over at Noah's team, and winced. "Looks like we took a little longer on these first two bosses than I thought," she said. "Noah's team just killed the second boss, we're about even now."
"Bloody hell, hurry it up then," Crystal exclaimed. "We must strive forward!"
"Tallyho?" Tyler teased. The British romantic giggled, and high-fived the jock.
Cody was about to reply, but then Chef Hatchet tapped his shoulder. The cook whispered something into the geek's ear, to which he nodded. Cody cleared his throat, and then delivered a praising line about the computer company and the headphone makers.
"What's all this then?" Crystal asked.
"Sorry, Chef said we needed some of the teams to pick it up on the advertising for our sponsors."
"You could really sell electronics, Cody," Anita said, beaming at him. "You definitely know all about them, you would make an excellent salesman."
"Thanks, I guess," Cody said with a smile.
As he turned back to his computer, Anita face-palmed. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," she thought.
[Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: Not your best compliment, dear.
[Technoblitz] whispers to [Psychicjustice]: Yeah, I know, Belinda. I realized that just as I was done. "Be a good salesman," what was I thinking?
[Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: u no, if u want to really compliment my buddy cody, u shuld just tell him he looks really nice. hes a sucker 4 being told hes handsum
[Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: Thanks, Tyler, but I really don't know want to be too... forward, if you know what I mean.
[Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: u gotta seeze the day, anita! cmon u cant court a guy by little compliments here an there
[Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: I wish I could be forward, but I don't like being flirtatious when I'm wearing these clothes. I'd do anything to have my jacket and pants, I feel like a roadside hooker wearing this.
[Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: gee thats a harsh thing to say, i still think u look great. just remember that its the person and not the clothes!
[Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: Thank you. You're such a sweetheart, Tyler!
[Codemeister] says in Party: Is everyone ready? I think we're at the next boss!
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: sure, were done talking about u
[Technoblitz] says in Party: TYLER!
[Hockeykatana] says in Party: oops! um... lol?
(Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette)
"Okay, it took us a while to take out that second boss," Rodney was saying, "but I think we're good."
"We only died several times over because of Katie," Courtney snapped.
Katie whimpered. "I'm sorry, I really am! I thought I'd be better at these games because I'm dating Noah!"
"Don't be so harsh, Courtney," Bridgette said. "We've all had our spills-"
"But none as much as Katie!"
The surfer girl groaned and covered her face. "Could you please stop being so... vindictive? We're a team here!"
"Bridgette's right," Alfred cheered. "We're a team, and we can keep pushing forward! Now c'mon, I wanna kill the next boss!"
As they rushed forward, Alfred picked up on his attack, causing a great deal of the monsters to attack his character rather than the tank. They kept having to pick him, and the clumsy Katie, off the ground.
"Boy, these darn things have a crush on me," Alfred said with a chuckle. "They really like me today."
"Why do you people keep saying things like that?" Courtney snapped. "They 'like' me, they have a 'crush' on me... they're trying to kill you! It's the exact opposite of liking!"
"It's gamer speak, Courtney."
"Well, it's stupid! You shouldn't combine love and hate!"
Katie, who was getting frustrated from how difficult this was getting, lost her patience and glared at Courtney. "Yeah, this coming from a girl who kicks her boyfriend in the crotch."
Courtney snapped too, and lunged at Katie; she forgot her headphones were still on, and was thrown back by the whiplash. She crashed into Alfred, knocking them over. On the way down, he accidentally groped her, and she screamed in terror.
Rodney panicked and hid under the desk as Katie and Bridgette tried to pry the furious Courtney away from the flabbergasted Alfred. "You guys," the prodigy whimpered, "PvP is only supposed to be inside the game!"
(Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ)
"Holy crap, nice job, guys," Arthur said as the last of the animal monsters fell. "We aced that second boss! Darn good healing, Sadie!"
"Aw, thanks," Sadie said with a tinge of a blush.
"Sakaki, DJ, never knew you had it in you two," Arthur continued. "Incredible work guys, I am impressed."
"Oh, I've played this game a lot, praise Sakaki," DJ offered.
This caused the moe girl to blush red, and dive under the desk. As DJ apologized and brought her back up, Xander looked over at Arthur. "Any praise for me?"
"Good work to you too. But we still have another couple bosses to take down!"
"Let's continue to smear them, shall we?"
"And smear them good," Sadie exclaimed with a cheer. "Man, I cannot wait to see what's next."
"You got a real killer edge from this kind of thing," Arthur noted as he watched Sadie crack her knuckles.
"Well, it's mostly because Noah has got Katie onto this kind of thing, and I keep up because I'm Katie's best friend. So I know some things, but I'm sure I'm not as good as she is."
Arthur chuckled. "You're doing fine. Any questions before we go on?"
"Yeah, about Zachar-"
"Besides your dating life."
"Oh. I got nothing then."
"Just like my dating life," Arthur remarked, getting a laugh from his teammates. He smirked, and said, "All self-deprecation aside, let's keep going. We are a right damn good team."
"And we play well too," Sakaki said, smiling sheepishly.
(Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff)
Harold was shaking as they fought the second boss. His apprehension was high, hoping and praying everything would go well. His healing needed to be good for the whelp's area-of-effect attack, and quick. If he could just concentrate...
... and it would be much easier if someone wasn't shoving a saliva-slicked finger into his ear.
"AUGH! Gross," he shouted, swatting at Colin's hand. "Stop it! Focus on the boss!"
"Oh relax, I'm hitting him," Colin said. "What more do you want, nerd?"
"I want you to at least try with these idiots, idiot!"
"Hey now, that's name calling, and I don't have to take it, asshole."
Harold ground his teeth, almost hurting them, as he tried to ignore Colin's continued rant. Carol's eye was twitching, and Geoff was pleading with everyone to get along. Leshawna looked two seconds from berserking.
The boss fight didn't go well, as the other monsters came out before the first ones were finished, and it overwhelmed them. As they ran back for another attempt, Colin scoffed and said, "Way to go, Harold."
"It wasn't my fault."
"Of course it is. You're the healer, so if we die, it's all your fault. That's what I've heard."
"How is it you don't even play this game," Carol grumbled, "but you seem to know all the ways to annoy people?"
"Probably the same way a rat knows where the food is," Harold remarked.
A few of his teammates laughed, and Colin growled. He grabbed the nerd's shirt and pulled him up to his face. "You wanna have every bone in your nerdy body broken? Then don't make fun of me."
Leshawna's untimed two seconds were up. She grabbed Colin's spiky hair and yanked him back to meet her eyes. Ignoring his screams of pain, she said, "You wanna have every bone in your stupid body broken? Then don't threaten my man."
Harold let out a strained cry, and Leshawna looked up to see that when she had yanked Colin back, he was still holding Harold, and the nerd was having his head pulled back by his headphones. She let go of Colin, who let go of Harold, who was slingshot backwards and out of his seat.
His headphones being yanked off, he crash-landed on another contestant, who was greatly startled to see him. "Hi, Harold," Bridgette said awkwardly.
"Oh hi, Bridgette."
"What are you doing here?"
"Would you believe I'm here to spy? Because what really happened is gonna be too hard to explain."
"I'll go with the spy thing then."
Leshawna walked up and promptly pulled Harold up from Bridgette's lap. "Hey Bridgette, I'm gonna need to take this back now."
"You know," Harold was saying as he walked back with Leshawna, "I think studies show 36% of all gamer accidents come from headphones."
"Well, if Colin keeps giving you a bad time, he's gonna get one when I cram his headset up his-"
(Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth)
"And then," Izzy exclaimed as she fought and killed the guards down the corridor, "I was all 'No way!' and she was all 'Yes way!' until we-"
"Ezekiel," Heather was trying to say over Izzy's rant, "explain to me why you have to be on Anita's side of this love triangle?"
"Do I have to say why when Eva can hear me, eh?"
"I'd like to know how, if possible."
Ezekiel swallowed hard as he looked at Eva, who sure enough was glaring at him. "I... I just think Anita would be nicer to Cody."
Heather and Eva scoffed, and the queen bee added, "She dresses like a trollop."
"Hey now," Beth spoke up, "that's not her fault!"
"Well, she does look like one," Eva remarked, "almost as bad as Heather."
"Hey, what the hell," Heather shouted. "I was on your side!"
"Of course I wasn't gonna tell them why I was interrupting their program," Izzy was saying, "but I was surprised to see they were watching animal po-"
"I never wanted you on my side, Heather," Eva snapped, "mostly because I never trusted you."
"Fine then! I try to be nice to you, and you throw it back in my face. Is this what you wanted me to be nice for, Ezekiel?"
"I want you to be nice for others, but Eva's not nice back! That's why I don't support her!"
Eva snarled. "Do you want me to wring your scrawny neck again, Home School?"
"Don't call him that!"
"Guys, please," Beth pleaded. "We need to focus on the challenge-"
"Your boyfriend's just siding with Anita because she's the pretty one," Eva snapped. "Everyone always sides with the pretty one!"
"Hey, I wanted Beth to be with Cody last season, eh, instead of Justin," Ezekiel protested.
"And I replied, 'I'm feisty,'" Izzy was saying, "to which he wailed, 'Help, they're making me play Hats, I wanna go home'..."
"Justin's a really nice boyfriend," Beth said, looking over at Ezekiel. "I mean, Cody's really nice, so that's why I want my friend to be with him!"
Ezekiel let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, I doo'nt think noo's a good time to discuss this, eh. Shouldn't we focus on the challenge, eh?"
Heather nodded. "I'm with Ezekiel. There's a time and place for everything, and this isn't the place to discuss romance."
"True, computer games are a lousy place for everything," Eva grumbled.
Beth hummed at Eva's statement. "You might want to rethink that, Eva, Cody loves this stuff."
"How do you know that?"
"I'm his friend, remember? He and I were close last season, and we know a lot of stuff."
"At the point, I was close to Greg," Izzy ranted, "and I said, 'I'll let you fluff my Garfield,' and he said, 'Izzy, if you don't stop stalking me, I'm gonna get pissed, grab a frying pan and-'"
"Izzy," Heather snapped. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Izzy blinked and looked over at the queen bee. "You know, I think I forgot a long time ago, I just let the train of thought run until you all stopped arguing. I killed all the guards, let's get the next boss."
(Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin)
"Wow, I take back everything I said about you guys," Zachary said as they cleared a path towards the third boss. "Guess my playing Devil's Advocate worked well!"
"Sure you were," Gwen scoffed.
Justin rolled his eyes too, but was just relieved that the group was running so smoothly. "Look, thanks, Zachary, but this doesn't change the fact you've mistreated my girlfriend in the past."
"Look dude, I get excited during competition, but let's not talk about this now. We have a third boss to kill."
The group had traveled into a basement that seemed to head down into the catacombs of an inferno. They were on a walkway suspended over a river of lava, jets of flame shooting up from the ground far below. The large platform in front of them was scorched on the bottom.
A large demon with black, scaly skin was standing near the side, minding a badly-charred stove. The demon, twice the size of a normal human, had on a bloodstained apron, green slacks, and a tiny chef's hat. In his hat was a gleaming hatchet.
"Demon Chef Cleaver," Gwen read his name aloud, then smirked. "Does that remind you guys of anyone?"
"Why's he holding a hatchet?" Clive wondered aloud. "Cooks don't use hatchets."
"Probably for hunting his prey," Sebastian mused, "before he cooks and eats it."
"Okay guys, enough idea chitchat," Zachary said. "We have to slay this demonic chef, who bears no resemblance to an older brother of mine...
"Seriously, why is the black guy the villain here? That's racist!"
Gwen face-palmed. "He's based off Chef Hatchet, did you think they'd make him white?"
"No, that'd be racist."
"Well then," the goth girl stated, "there's nothing racist here, they're just making him a villain, like Billy was."
"Nope, it's racist to make a brother a villain, ever. You could be one, white girl, there's no problem with that."
Gwen started to tighten her mouse cord around her hands for a makeshift garrote when Sebastian pat her shoulder to calm her down.
(Janitor's Closet - Discrimination against closets is low.)
Gwen - "Seriously, what is with Zachary? Everything to him is racist! Leshawna is never like that; methinks she needs to school that whiner."
Rodney - *straightening his helmet* "Our team is having a hard time, what with Katie stumbling and Courtney getting really mad. I wish Miss Courtney wouldn't snap at people so quickly, it's not like anyone wants to lose. Right?"
Valerie - "I'm pretty sure if our team loses..." *She grins wickedly.* "... People will want to vote off our mean-spirited leader. Seriously, who except Katie would miss Noah?"
Lindsay - *humming to herself* "Noah told me I wasn't nearly as bad as he thought I would devastate the team and ruin our chances of winning. Those were his words. Isn't he so nice?"
Crystal - *humming to herself as she tapes a few little papers on the wall* "I thought this place needed some romance, so Harold and I decided that a few of his romantic haikus to Leshawna would be cracking!"
Leshawna - *reading some of the haikus* "Aww, this sure brings back memories."
Belinda - *tilting her head as she reads one* "Let's see here:
My choc'late goddess
You are my inspiration.
Let us pwn some noobs.
*She chuckles.* "Love the nerdy way is interesting, to say the least. Who wouldn't want to be romanticized by a boy who thinks you're the most wonderful being on the planet?"
Chris Maclean - *crossing his arms and looking angry* "There is officially way too much romance and love going around, it's disgusting. So to even the odds, I'm bringing someone in who is against all that crap."
Duncan - *shoved into the closet by Chris* "What? Oh... whatever." *He takes out a can of spray paint, and looks at the haikus on the wall, then grins evilly. After reading a couple, he raises an eyebrow.*
"Whoa... okay, I hate to say it, but the nerd put some heart into this. I think I'll add my own touch elsewhere."
Courtney - *sees the giant spray paint of D+C inside a heart surrounded by skulls* "DUNCAN!"
Chris Maclean - "DUNCAN!"
Crystal - "Awwww, Duncan!"
Harold - *huffs* "Mine are more romantic."
Chef Hatchet - "Why is it that no matter what the stinking competition is about, we always jump back to love and feelings and mushy stuff and..." *He sniffs, then outright bawls.* "POLLY, WHY? Ohhh, why?"
...
Izzy - "I sense a serious digression in the train of thought that should be about Prism of War. Let me remind everyone why we're fighting..."
*She holds up a war ax, and imbeds it into the side of the closet wall.*
Ezekiel - *marveling at the ax in the wall* "Wow. What I want to knoo' is, where'd she get that ax, eh?"
Izzy - *popping up from underneath the cot, startling him* "Garage sale!"
Ezekiel - "Yipe!"
...
...
...
With the teams mostly fighting the second and third boss, who is closest to winning? Who have you got your money on?
Is the romance distracting from the action? Is that a bad thing, or a good thing considering if we tried to describe or joke about the game, most of you wouldn't get it?
And what neighborhood did Izzy find a war ax at a garage sale at? We either want to move there now, or move as far away as possible!
Team 1 - Noah, Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie
Team 2 - Anita, Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler
Team 3 - Rodney, Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette
Team 4 - Arthur, Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ
Team 5 - Harold, Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff
Team 6 - Izzy, Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth
Team 7 - Zachary, Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin
...
Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Back wall, Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster with Harold's love haikus to Leshawna decorated around it. Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about.
Left wall, crowbar and war ax imbedded in, as well as Duncan's spray-painted D+C heart and skulls.
Right wall, elbow-shaped dent and a sloppy paint job over some scratchings and writings, with a pentagram drawn over it.
On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.
...
Next Up - Prism of War: Wrath of the Chris King.