Matsuda woke up and groaned, holding his head and wincing at the throbbing pain he felt as he moved. He reached over to his bedside table to grab a glass of water to try and prevent the inevitable incoming alcohol induced headache, and as he did he seen his phone was lit up. One new message, and it was from Sayu. Oh no.
He grabbed his phone and opened the outbox, reading over the text he had sent to Sayu last night. He'd forgotten what he had written, and as he read over the cringe-inducing message he let out another groan, dreading seeing her reply. He knew she'd probably be making fun of him, or in the very least laughing at the message he had sent. He went to his inbox and opened it, reading the message she had sent him.
"Matsuda, that text was so sweet, thank you so much. I feel the same way about you too. You make me feel really happy, and I enjoy being around you, more than I've ever enjoyed being around anyone else before… You mean a lot to me, and I'm grateful that I have you by my side Xx"
Matsuda felt his face heat up as he read it, and the sensation of butterflies filled his stomach. She didn't laugh at the embarrassing message. She liked it. He was in shock.
He got up out of bed, determined to go see her but first deciding he had to make himself look more presentable. He had fallen asleep in his work clothes and his hair was a mess.
He gulped down the glass of water, feeling the immediate relief from his dry throat, and he made his way to the bathroom.
He undressed, tossing his clothes into the washing basket in the corner of the room and turning on the water, stepping in. The water felt refreshing on his skin, and as he showered, he thought over what he was going to say to Sayu. He wanted to tell her the truth today and get it over with and out the way so that they could finally be closer with no secrets between them, but he was scared to do so. What could he possibly say to make the truth hurt her less? He couldn't think of anything at all that he could do that would prevent the news from breaking her heart.
After 10 minutes or so he climbed out of the shower, dried himself off and returned to his bedroom. He felt a lot more awake now, and he began to look around for something to wear whilst throwing on a pair of underwear. He settled for a pair of jeans and a shirt before falling back onto his bed and giving an exasperated sigh. He glanced at his phone again, and began to text Sayu, saying he'd be right over, before getting up, grabbing his shoes and leaving the apartment.
He got into his car and gripped at the steering wheel, trying to calm himself down so that he wouldn't be an anxious mess as soon as he saw her face. He took a few deep breaths and turned on the engine, before he pulled out onto the road and made his way over to Sayu's house.
As he pulled up outside her house, Sayu opened the door and ran over to the car excitedly, and he got out to greet her. She hugged him tightly as soon as he shut the car door, and he blushed, hugging her back. "Hey Sayu…" He mumbled as he held her close, his arms wrapping around her. He wished he could just stay like that, holding onto her in that moment of happiness. She held onto him for a few seconds before letting go, and the two went inside. He looked around nervously, Sachiko wasn't home, so it was just him and Sayu there.
"How have you been?" He asked as he sat down on the couch, and she joined him.
"I've been good thanks, just a little bored; haven't had much to do for a while since I don't start college for another few weeks, so I've done all the work I can until then. what about you? How have you been?" She asked.
"Yeah, I've been pretty bored too; work yesterday was so dull, I was clock watching most of the day…" He complained, and she giggled at his expression.
"That does sound pretty boring, I don't envy you there." She replied, and got up. "Would you like anything? I'm going to get myself something to eat." She asked, and he shook his head. Sayu disappeared into the kitchen to get herself some food and he forced himself to get up and follow her. As he walked in he seen her searching through the cupboards, and he leant against the kitchen wall. He hated to ruin the mood they had, but he needed to do it now or he would just continue to put it off like this, and she'd never find out the truth. It was now or never.
"Hey Sayu…" He began, and she turned to face him.
"Yeah?" She said as she turned around, smiling. She saw the expression on his face and her smiled disappeared. She had never seen Matsuda look so serious. A look of worry appeared on her face. "Is something wrong?"
Matsuda hesitated. "I need to tell you something."
Sayu wondered what it could be, but she couldn't think of anything. In her mind, everything was great between them, so she couldn't imagine what it was that was on his mind. She took a seat at the dinner table and placed all of her attention to the man standing in front of her. "What is it...?" She asked, and he sat down opposite her.
"I need to tell you the truth, about who Kira was and what actually happened to your father and brother…" He began, and Sayu furrowed her eyebrows, unable to process what he was saying.
"The truth? I thought…" She began, but trailed off, not finishing her sentence. She paused before starting again. "What truth? I thought Aizawa already told me and my mum what happened to Light and my Dad-" She stuttered in confusion, but Matsuda shook his head sadly.
"Kira was… Kira was Light." Matsuda choked out; he felt physically sick saying the words, and once they had finally been said he felt even worse. There was no going back now, and he felt his world crumbling down on him as he saw the look on Sayu's face.
She was speechless. She couldn't process what he had just told her. Her own brother? A murderer? There was no way that could be true. "Th-That isn't funny Matsuda… Don't joke like that…" She managed to mutter. "Light couldn't have… There's no way he could have… Could he...?" She looked up at him, tears in her eyes and an expression made up of a combination of anger, hurt, upset and misunderstanding on her face.
"I'm sorry." Matsuda said, looking down at the floor. "I couldn't believe it when I found out. It hurt all of us. I didn't want to believe it…"
"Light did this...? All of this...?" She echoed. "How could it have been Light? That's impossible… What about Dad's death…?" She was shaking now.
"Your father died in hospital… He was shot by a guy called Mello who wanted the dea-" He paused, it wasn't time for her to know about the death note right now, that would just confuse her further. He continued, rephrasing the last part. "who wanted Kira's power to kill."
Sayu was silent. She clasped her hands on the table and stared down at them.
"And Light. How did he really die then? Kira couldn't have been the one to kill him if he was Kira. I want to know the truth." She demanded.
Matsuda bit his lip. He and everyone else who had been there knew that Light had been killed by Ryuk; that the Shinigami had written his name in his own death note after he had lost to Near and the task force. But he couldn't tell Sayu that, and had to take responsibility now for the fact that he had been the one to shoot Light. Yes, it had saved his and everyone else's life, but in his mind at least, he was still in part responsible for Light's death. If Ryuk hadn't written his name in his notebook, then Light would have died from blood loss. "I shot him." Matsuda confessed, feeling his eyes fill with tears as he recalled the memory. "Light was going to kill us, so I had to disarm him… I had to do it, but I still feel terrible for what I did."
Sayu couldn't look up at him. She couldn't speak. A minute of silence went by, and it felt like hours.
Matsuda broke the silence. "I'm really sorry Sayu, I wanted you to know but I was scared you'd hate me… I hated myself for what happened…"
"Matsuda, I'm sorry but, I really need to be alone right now." She managed to say as she got up. She wanted desperately to hold onto him and cry. She wanted him to comfort her and make her feel safe, but she couldn't bear to look at him after what he'd told her. She needed time before she could face him again. It hurt her to push him away like this, but she felt like she had no other choice. Everything she had come to terms with over the past year had been a lie. She had only just begun to recover from the distress it had caused her and her mother, and now it felt like she was starting again from scratch. It was like it had all happened all over again and she felt scared and alone.
Matsuda felt hurt by her words, but he knew she was right. He knew him being there wouldn't help anything, so he got up and walked towards the door. He looked over at her once more before he left, hoping for something, anything. Just a sign that things would be okay between them, but she didn't even look towards him. She just stood in the kitchen.
He let his head drop as he walked out of the house and made his way over to his car.
He got in and started up the engine, letting out a quiet sigh. He had to give her space, but it was going to be difficult. He wanted to stay with her and apologise again and again and again, until somehow everything was okay, but he knew that wouldn't work.
He made his way out of the street and began the drive home, feeling the loneliest he had felt in a long time. He didn't put radio on, so he was alone with his thoughts for the duration of the journey, and that journey felt like it lasted a lifetime.
Once he got back to his apartment he walked inside, shut the door behind him and sat in front of the television. He turned it on just so that there was something in the background, and so that he could drown out his thoughts in the mindless noise from the box. Impulsively he checked his phone, but there was nothing. No missed calls and no texts. Not that he had expected any, but he had had a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe there would have been.
He sighed and put his mobile phone on the table, curling up on the couch and grabbing a blanket, draping it over himself as he watched the programme that was being broadcast. It was nothing interesting, so he let himself drift off to sleep, with the sound from the television providing a comforting ambience. He didn't care that it was only the evening, he felt exhausted. He just wanted this all to be over, like it was one bad dream.