10

When I woke up, Dean was already out of bed. I rolled onto my back and stretched.

"Good morning, beautiful." Dean side with a smile as he stood at the end of the bed buckling his belt.

"Good morning." I replied. "Wait, what time is it."

"Not morning. It's just after 1. Cas says he may have a location, but it's a days drive from here. So, we're gonna get on the road and hope that he has a more specific location when we get there." Dean pulled a shirt over his head then he paused as he eyed me. "I told Cas I was going to take you back to Bobby's place first, but… he told me that you have to stay with me."

"Okay, why would you be dropping me off at Bobby's anyway?" I asked sitting up and, holding the against me.

Dean walked toward me and sat on the edge of the bed beside me. "I want you to stay safe. But Cas seems to believe that the only way for you to stay safe is to be with me."

I moved closer to him and wrapped a hand around his neck, "I thought we already discussed the me staying with you, Dean."

He looked up and met my eyes, "Will you tell me what happened last night?"

"What do you want to know?" I asked, my hand slipping from his neck.

He caught my hand in his and held it. "Everything. I want to know why Cas seems to think that you have to stay with us. I want to know why Cas stopped your heart to send you… I don't even remember what he said. I need to know what's going on, Dee."

"I can tell you what I know, but it doesn't give either of us all the answers we're looking for."

Dean nodded, "Alright." He kissed my cheek. "Get dressed, you can tell us in the car."

I nodded. I was too fond of sharing every detail of that… vision… or whatever it had been. I couldn't share the part about Sam. I still didn't understand that part myself. But I could tell Dean the rest of it.

I got dressed and Dean brought our things to the car and got us checked out. I was on the end of the bed getting my boots on when Sam sat beside me.

"How you feeling?" He asked softly.

I finished with my boots and smiled at him, "I'm good."

He didn't smile back, he just sat there, his hands on his knees.

I placed my hand over one of his, "Sam, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a bit freaked out from last night." He said softly and smiled at me briefly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you and Dean. I just needed answers."

"And did you get them?"

"Some of them. The rest is still… in pieces. I guess I have to figure those out for myself."

Sam covered my and on his with his other hand, "Not alone. We're here with you too, Dee. You don't have to figure this out alone."

I leaned against his shoulder and he rested his head on top of mine. "Thank you, Sam."

"We're a team, right?" Sam said.

"Yeah."

"Alright," Dean entered and clapped his hands together. "We ready to go, or you wanna try and pull some more moves on my girl, Sam?"

Sam stood up, "That is not what-"

"I'm messing with you. Come on. Let's get going." Dean said, taking my hand.

We all got in the front seat of the impala with me in the middle. We stopped off at a diner and found a booth in the back. After we made our food order and got fresh coffee Dean asked me to tell them what I had found out.

I told them everything, leaving out anything regarding Sam, aside from the fact that we're a team and should stay together. When I was done, they were silent.

Our food came and we ate. I wasn't too hungry, but I ate a little of the salad I had ordered. We sipped on coffee and I stared into my cup, unable to meet their eyes.

"So," Dean finally broke the silence after the waitress came and refilled our cups and took our plates. "If you're not with me… you will literally… die?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

I nodded, "That what I was told." I leaned back in the booth. "Feel free to call the nut house and have them bring that fancy jacket that makes you hug yourself. I'll take a padded room while you're at it."

Sam and Dean both chuckled, "We don't think you're crazy, Dee." Sam said.

"Well, that makes one of us." I said with a sigh.

Dean slipped his hand onto my leg, "You're not crazy, Dee. If you are, then we all are."

I rubbed my temples. "Are you sure I'm not crazy. Because I can't possibly be centuries old."

"You're not. You're soul is." Sam said. "But you're still just you, Dee. This doesn't change who you are."

I stood up, my hands on the table, "It changes everything about me, Sam. Everything! I'm not just me anymore, I'm something… else. And I still don't even know who that is!" Tears were streaming over my cheeks, I wasn't entirely sure why.

I headed out of the restaurant and went to the impala. Sliding into the back seat. The tears came unbidden, leaving me in with my head in my hands. There were no sobs, thankfully, just silent tears.

Dean and Sam slid up front. I sat on the back seat with my back against the side. My knees pulled up to my chest and my head resting in my folded arms on my knees, looking out the back window.

"You can't shut us out, babe." Dean finally said softly. "We need you just as much as you need us, hun." his hand landed gently on my arm. "That much we've figured out. Everything else will fall into place."

I lifted my head slowly and looked at him, there was still another thing aside from the Sam stuff, that I hadn't told them. "It's not that easy, Dean. If I don't figure this out… and soon…"

His brow furrowed, "Then we'll figure this out."

"Right now, let's just go get the Colt." I finally said.

Dean nodded and turned around and started the car. Sam kept looking at me in concern. I laid my head back down and looked out the back window. We drove for hours. Stopped at some time in the middle of the night to fill up and drove more. The guys let me have the back to myself as I slept off and on.

Then sometime before noon we stopped. Found a place off the road and waited for Castiel to call Dean back.

I brought out my daggers and practiced throwing them. Sam watched intently. "You know, you're really really good with those."

I tossed a dagger in the air and caught it, "Guess that fits. I used a dagger in a past life, so, it kind of is like second nature." I tossed it toward a leaf as it fell and pinned it to the trunk of a tree.

"Wow! That was a great shot!" Sam said.

"Expect anything other than that from Dee." Dean added.

I went and retrieved my daggers and took my stance again and continued to catch falling leaves and pinning them against the tree trunk. Dean's phone rang and he answered it, walking away.

I threw the rest of my daggers before he returned. "Alright," Dean said. "Crowley's in his mansion. Let's go get him."

We drove around a lake and found the mansion. "So, what's the plan?" Sam asked. "There's guards at the gate."

"And I'm sure they would help a pretty lady." Dean said with a smirk.

I smirked back at him. "I'm sure they would."

I got out of the car and went back to the trunk and pulled out a dress. Sam stayed up front and Dean came around as I changed quickly. It was my blue dress from before, it showed my feminine curves, but wasn't extravagant or sluty, and it matched my boots.

I put my jacket on and then shook my hair out letting it cascade around my shoulders. We walked around and toward the gate. The guys waited around the corner out of sight.

I took a deep breath and pressed the intercom button. The gate was huge, bigger even than the one around Margaret's family home.

"Hello?" A voice said on the intercom

"Hello." I said softly and a bit timidly. "My car broke down. I- I could use some help."

"I'll be down in a minute." the intercom said and clicked off.

A few minutes later the gate swung open and two guys walked out, both smiling wickedly. "Evening pretty lady. Get yourself on in here."

I faked innocence. "I just need a phone, really, to call a tow truck."

"You don't need to call anyone, baby." One of the said as he glanced at the other guy.

"We're the only help you're ever gonna need." The other one said.

"You know what? I think I'll be fine." I turned on my heel and one of them reached and grabbed my shoulder. I could feel the darkness seeping from them. I knew they were demons before we even arrived, because…. it wa Crowley and he was a demon.

But I hadn't expected to feel the darkness from them.

I spun my arm around, grabbing the guy's arm and rammed my knee into his stomach, making him double over as I decked him with my right fist, knocking him to the ground on his back.

Sam had already used his blade that was able to kill demons on the other guy. He moved over to the unconscious one on his back and did the same.

"Nice work, hun." Dean said tossing me a bag. I pulled out a pair of wire cutters and we cut the power to the mansion and entered the house.

I pulled my revolver out and check that it was loaded as the guys set up a demon trap under a rug. I hid out of sight.

I heard Sam speak first, "It's Crowley, right?"

"So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough." Crowley said, and there was something familiar about his voice.

I heard a couple of steps, but stayed out of sight and moved around until I was able to come up behind Crowley. I stayed in the shadows.

"Do you have any idea how much this rug cost?" Crowley said, finding the demon trap.

I heard the sound of Dean and Sam being grabbed and stepped out, aiming my revolver at Crowley.

He didn't turn to look at me, but pulled another gun out and held it up. "This is it, right? this is what it's all about." He aimed the gun at Dean.

I cocked my revolver, but Crowley re-aimed and shot both of the demons holding Sam and Dean.

"We need to talk. Privately." Crowley said, "Are you gonna put your gun down, sweetheart?"

"Depends, you gonna hand over the Colt?"

Crowley turned and looked at me, recognition clearly in his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, do we know each other? I'm not known for having demons as acquaintances." I said.

Crowley eyed me, "You're different… you don't know yet." he shrugged and motioned for us to follow him.

I kept my revolver on him, primarily because I really couldn't shake the fact that I did, in fact, know him… from somewhere.

"What the hell is this?" Dean asked.

"Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing?" Crowley asked then he waved his hand and the door slammed behind us. "there's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists except that I told you."

"You told us." Sam scoffed.

"Rumors, innuendo, sent out on the grapevine."

"Why? Why tell us anything?" Sam asked.

Crowley raised the Colt again at Dean and I re-aimed my gun at him. "I want you to take this thing to Lucifer and empty it into his face." Crowley said.

"uh-huh, okay, and why exactly would you want the devil dead?" Dean asked.

Crowley set the gun down and I lowered my gun. "It's called- Survival. Well, forgot you two at best are functioning morons-"

"you're functioning… morons…" Dean said and I shook my head at him.

"Lucifer isn't a demon, remember? He's an angel. An angel famous for his hatred of humankind. to him you're just filthy bags of pus. It that's the way he feels about you, what can he think about us?" Crowley said then turned toward me, "I know you're smarter than them, you figuring this out sweetheart?"

I nodded and lowered my gun. "Lucifer ends humans you know you're next."

Crowley smiled, "To him, we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind… like she said, we're next. So, help me, huh? Let's go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures. I'm in sales, dammit! So what do you say it I give you this thing, and you go kill the devil?" Crowley held the gun out, handle first.

The guys exchanged glances and I stepped forward and grabbed the Colt with my left hand.

Crowley stared into my eyes, "You being with them," he smirked, "it kind of fits."

I pulled the gun from his hand.

"Great." Sam said.

"Great," Crowley added.

"You wouldn't happen to know where the devil is, by chance, would you?" Sam asked.

"Thursday, birdies tell me, there's an appointment in Carthage, Missouri." Crowley replied.

Dean and Sam glanced at me and I nodded in understanding. I aimed the Colt at Crowley and pulled the trigger. It was empty.

"Oh, yeah, right, you'll probably need some more ammunition." Crowley said.

I aimed my revolver back at him as he reached into his desk.

"Oh, uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the devil and lose?" Dean asked.

"Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two, after you leave here, I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere. And three, how about you don't miss, okay! Morons! Oh, and, you have her." He pointed at me, "Use her and you won't lose."

"How do you know me?" I asked.

"We've met before. Decades ago really… or longer. You're just as beautiful as you were then. Don't miss." He tossed something at Dean. When I looked back, he was gone.

Dean looked at me, "So, past you have a tussle with Crowley?"

"I hope by tussel you mean I punched him, because that's all I want to do. Or shoot him." I replied.

Dean and Sam both chuckled.

"Let's get back to Bobby's." Sam said.

Dean nodded and we headed out. I handed him the Colt and he took it. I shoved my revolver back into the bag we had left by the gate and slung it over one shoulder as we headed back toward the impala.

We drove for a while and then Castiel appeared beside me in the backseat. "You got the Colt."

"Uh, yeah." I replied, not turning to look at him.

"Yeah, thanks for pinpointing Crowley, seems he wanted us to find it anyway." Dean added. "Hey, uh, can you tell us how many lives that Dee has lived?" he asked, looking in the rearview mirror.

"Dozens." Castiel replied.

A shiver went down my spine. "And am I always me?"

"I do not understand your question. Of course you are always you. If you were not you, you wouldn't be you. Therefore your question does not make sense." He replied.

"Alright, I guess that kind of answers it." I said with a sigh.

"So, Dee's a warrior and she… uses sex to recharge her batteries?" Sam chuckled.

I hadn't explained it that way to them, but they pieced it together through my blushes. I blushed even harder as Sam said that.

"No, she uses love, desire, passion… the act is merely a fraction of what she needs." Castiel answered flatly. "There must be love. She is a warrior for love."

"Why love?" I asked.

"Because love is a strong force. It is mysterious and does not have boundaries to it. And it is unlimited. Your power requires a source of infinite limits."

Dean snickered. "I'm good, but I ain't that good. Even I have limits."

Castiel glanced at me, but didn't say anything. His look told me he knew I needed more than Dean, but he wasn't going to say anything.

I looked away.

"So, I guess Jo and Ellen are at Bobby's right now. When I called Bobby and told him we have the Colt he called in a little extra help." Dean said.

"And who are they?" I asked.

"Ellen is a friend of our dad's, a hunter like us. Jo is her daughter." Sam replied.

"Okay. Guess we can use all the help we can get." I added.

"Yeah, well, Crowley seems to think all we need is you." Sam said.

"Or maybe Crowley just knows I'm a better shot than either of you." I smirked.

"With Dee your chance of success is increased, in everything you do." Castiel added. "The odds in your favor will increase exponentially once she has full use of her abilities."

"What abilities?" I asked.

"Many. You will learn them in time."

"How?" I asked.

"Once you all have accepted it, and you've received your offering, you will know your true power."

"Accepted… wait, is this like that accepting that I have to do, like from your dream?" Dean asked.

"I think so." I replied.

"Well, what the hell are we supposed to accept?" Dean asked.

"I think that I will wait for you at Bobby's where we can discuss our plans." Castiel disappeared.

It was growing dark. Dean pulled over and switched spots with Sam. I stayed in the back, unable to sleep. I had too many thoughts running through my head. I kept spinning a dagger in my hand, tossing it up and catching it.

Dean fell asleep, leaning against the window in the passenger's seat.

Sam kept eyeing me in the rearview mirror but I tried not to notice, or at least pretended not to notice.

After about an hour he finally spoke, "What's on your mind, Dee?"

"Everything." I replied softly.

"I'm sorry about earlier at the diner, when you told us. I didn't mean to make you cry." He was talking so softly and the tenderness in his voice was almost heartbreaking.

"It wasn't you, Sam. It was just me. I never really knew who I was. I did okay for most of my life. Seemed like a regular kid, had friends and what not. But I was always the odd one out, everyone knew me, thought I was great, but I wouldn't always know them. It was strange, people seemed to like me. I've never had a problem making friends. After high school, I finally felt free. I decided I could be whatever I wanted to be. Went down a few rough roads, learned a few lessons.

"Then I went to college." I chuckled a little. "College was where I felt I had bloomed. Made even more friends, did great. Graduated a year early and got the internship. But after that, I got lost. I got Aphrodite, hoping it would give me a purpose and she did for a while."

"And then you went to Montana?"

"Yeah, I loved it there. When I decided to stay I was still lost though. I just hoped that I would be able to find it there. I started making money, started investing. Then created the foundation. I was helping people and it made me feel better, but I was still lost.

"Then you two blew through town and knocked me on my ass." I leaned forward, resting my arms on the back of the front seat. One of my arms behind Sam. "Strange thing was that I didn't feel lost anymore. And I'm still not lost. I don't feel lost anymore. I feel like I'm on the right path. Problem is… I'm not sure this path is who I am."

"How's that? You've been told it's who you are and it's kind of happening to you. It's not exactly a choice for you, Dee. Trust me, I know how that is, not being able to choose your path and to just have it there. I know how that feels. I'm the devil's vessel! You think I chose that?"

I shook my head. They had told me about how Sam was the vessel that the devil was meant to be in… and Sam would be gone.

"I know how it feels, Dee. It's not easy accepting something you didn't get to choose. But in your case, it's a good thing. Still not easy, I get that, but it's better than being the devil's vessel." He chuckled.

"But what if I can't accept what it is that I have to? What if we all can't?" I said softly, leaning back in the seat.

"Dee… you know what it is we have to accept, don't you?" Sam asked.

My heart stopped for a moment and my breath caught in my chest. "I think so."

"Then why haven't you told us?"

"Because we're not ready for it yet."

"And when will we be ready for it, Dee? Because based off the look on your face, it's you who isn't willing to accept it."

The car fell silent again. I turned and leaned against the side of the car and bent on knee on the seat. I was still wearing my dress and wishing I had changed into my jeans.

Was Sam right, was I the one unwilling to accept what I had seen, what I knew to be true? What was I willing to risk to continue to deny what I had seen?

I hadn't ever thought of Sam as more than… my boyfriend's brother and a brother to me. But I also couldn't deny that he also had energy my body responded to. Not that I didn't already have a clear visual that Sam was the other side of the heart and I couldn't be whole without him.

Would I ever accept that I had to have a relationship with two guys, brothers on top of that? And if I did accept it, would they be willing to accept it? Even for the greater good?

I shook my head, there had to be another way. Something that didn't included needing to have sex with two guys, that wasn't who I was. Or was it? I had seen it in the vision that Castiel had showed me. I was clearly with both of them…

I ran a hand through my hair and then gathered my hair over one shoulder and played with the ends. Braiding and unbraiding, just to keep my hands busy while my thoughts raced.

Eventually, I fell asleep.