CHAPTER 12: CRYING NIGHTS, BROKEN BELLS, BACKING CAUSE, NO ONE TELLS. DOWN WE GO, WISH ME WELL, I DON'T KNOW, WHERE WE FELL.
Six days ago in Cabo, she'd packed her suitcase. She stood outside the bathroom door, where she could hear the shower running, wanting to knock. Wanting to tell Chloe she had to leave. Wanted to ask Chloe to not hate her for leaving with her like they planned as how Aubrey had probably already explained to her. Wanting to ask Chloe to wait for her in arrive in Billings so they could talk. So they could see where this connection they had would lead. But she didn't. She stepped back from the bathroom and walked straight out of the house and climbed into her jeep. She and Tuck went back to her apartment and packed the other clothes she knew she would need. Nicer clothes. Professional clothes. Clothing appropriate for James and Olivia Mitchell's only child. Their heir. She grabbed Tuck's vaccination papers and headed straight to the airport where she purchased a ticket on the first flight that would allow her to travel with her dog. She'd made several stops and had several layovers in random cities in her journey to New York and she was exhausted by the time she stepped off the plane and walked through JFK International Airport. She knew by checking in with Jesse that Chloe had gotten off seamlessly and that made her happy, that the actress was out from under the relentless eye of the press. She rented a car and made the 45 minute drive into Manhattan, to the building her parents owned across from Central Park. To the building she owned across from Central Park.
Even after all these years she felt the stares and heard the whispers from the staff as she crossed the lobby of the upscale building. She and Tuck entered the elevator and she pressed the top button. The one that would take her to her former residence. To the house, if you could call it that, she grew up in. The PH button glowed bright white as the elevator began its journey up to the pent house. As soon as the elevator doors opened the memories hit her like a heavy fog. Beca closed her eyes and took a breath to steady herself. This was the first step she needed to take. Literally one step off the elevator and into her parent's home. She needed to do it. She had to. For her. So she could stop running from it. So she could move forward with her life. Beca blew the air out of her lungs forcefully and took the step. She could hear Tucks paws prancing across the wooden floors as he followed her into the space.
It was just as she had remembered it. Nothing was different. Even though she had people come in monthly to clean and dust the space, not one item was out of place.
The sound of her mother's voice calling her to the dinner table rang through her ears as she passed the kitchen. Her father's heavy laugh boomed off the walls when she walked into the living room. The gentleness in both their voices when they would tell her that they loved her just before she'd go to bed when she opened the door to her bedroom. The memories were crashing into her like waves from the ocean just before a storm.
This feeling. The one she currently held in her chest. The feeling of a thousand pounds crushing down on her. The struggle to breath. A feeble attempt to stop the tears from streaming down her face. Was why she ran. It was overwhelming.
She felt it like it had only happened yesterday and not years ago. One day her parents were there. They were all laughing. She was going over her restaurant plans with her father. She could see that he was proud of her. The way his chest stuck out a little more. The way he smiled at her when she went over her business plan. The way he shook her hand, just as he would have done to any of his business partners before pulling her in for a bone crushing hug. The only kind her father knew how to give. The way her mother had winked and smiled at her from across the room. Silently telling her that she'd done a good job.
She was the person that they loved most in the world and although they had some disagreements, they never let her go one day without knowing how much they loved her. And they had been the most important people in her life. She loved them more than she could ever have expressed. One day they were there and then the next … they were gone. She couldn't process those feelings. It shattered her entire world.
Beca sat down heavily on the bed knowing that the next few days were going to be hard. She'd ignored everything for so long, only doing the minimum. Occasionally signing a few documents and having them air mailed back to New York.
But Beca made a list. On the seemingly endless plane ride to New York, she'd made a list. She reached into the pocket of her leather jacket and pulled out the list that was written on a torn out page of a sky mall magazine with a pen she'd borrowed from the lady across the aisle from her. She reread through her scribbled list of things she needed to do. PH and contents, London, lawyer, Dad's cars, JM Corp, BFD. She read the last item on the list several times. It was going to be the hardest and the easiest for her to part with.
Beca reached into the other pocket of her coat and retrieved her cell phone. She searched for her lawyer's contact number and quickly pressed call. She needed to meet with him to go over everything on the list. To make plans for her parent's things. Things she hadn't touched in six years. Things she didn't want. To make arrangements for her father's business. She needed her family lawyer's advice and would spend as much time tomorrow as it took to take care of everything so she could put it behind her. So she didn't have anything to run from anymore. So she could face the future. A future that hopefully had a redhead in it. Beca listened as the receptionist asked her to hold and a few seconds later the man greeted her.
"I'm in New York." She stated and listened, "Yes. I want to make arrangements. I'll meet you tomorrow at 9:00am."
XxXxXx
She was a jeans, t-shirt, boots and leather jacket type girl. She knew she was but now as she took a step back to look at herself in the large mirror, it was obvious. She looked fine but she felt uncomfortable. The high heels and custom made suit fit her perfectly and it was more than appropriate for the day she was going to have but she felt almost suffocated by it.
Finally satisfied that this was as good as it was going to get, Beca turned around and collected her bag. The one she'd found in her closet last night when she couldn't sleep.
"Don't look at me like that." She said to Tuck who laid patiently on the floor watching her intently. "It's just for today dude. Then I'm burning this suit." She said as she carried on the conversation with her dog in her mind.
She made her way to the front door and took one last look at her parent's home. She'd be back later to collect her things but if everything went as she assumed they would, the home would belong to someone else by the close of business today. She looked down at Tuck who followed her from the bedroom to the door. "Don't eat or pee … on anything." She said pleadingly. She knew he wouldn't do anything but lay on the floor looking at the door until she returned but she felt the need to say it out loud. The elevator door dinged loudly and Beca turned. She took a deep breath and took a step into the metal box. She turned to watch Tuck lay down slowly on the floor as the doors closed in front of her.
XxXxXx
Many hours later as she rode the elevator back up to the pent house with Tuck by her side, after a long walk in central park, Beca felt a mix of emotions. She'd never felt such a conflict. She felt lighter, knowing that she'd made the right decisions today but at the same time she felt like she was dragging her body through the house she once owned. She felt weighed down by all the emotions that had been swirling within her all day. She trudged through the house and into the living room. She sat down heavily on the edge of the sofa and immediately dropped her head into her hands. Not even sure when the tears actually started to flow, Beca cried. She cried more than she'd ever remembered crying in her life.
She cried for her mother. They shared the same brown hair and every time Beca looked in the mirror she could see her mother.
She cried for her father. She was daddy's little girl. The apple of his eye and all the cliché things a little girl is to her dad. Everything he had done, he'd done for his wife and daughter. He was that man. And Beca knew he loved her more than anything in the world. She knew that's why he did the things he did and even though she pushed back and fought him when she was a teenager, the way teenagers do, she knew now that he did it for her. For her future.
Beca's body was so tired. So much had happened in the last 72 hours. After a few unsuccessful attempts to calm herself and stop the tears, she gave up. Beca slowly laid herself down on her side on the couch. She tucked her feet up behind her and wrapped herself in the smallest ball she could fit in. She felt the sofa dip and then a heavy head lay across her legs.
XxXxXx
The next morning it felt like someone had glued her eyes shut. She rolled over on the couch carefully, tucking her leg behind Tuck who was still laying at her feet, the ever obedient friend. The two of them were meant to find each other. They were soulmates of sorts. Both having been abandoned. Both left alone in the world. Since the day she found him on the side of the road in Mexico, they were inseparable.
It took her several minutes to blink enough to lubricate her eyes so she could finally open them. Beca didn't know what time it was but she knew it was early in the morning. She could tell by the shadows and the light that was beginning to pour through the windows of the building.
She laid there noting how today already felt different. She felt different. Yesterday she'd made all the hard decisions. She'd tied up as many loose ends as she could. Parted with things she didn't want.
She'd finally cried for the loss of her parents. She'd let out all the pent up emotions she'd been unwilling to deal with. She cried herself to sleep and waking up now, she felt at peace. Last night she let go of her parent's things. She'd always have them in her heart and in her memories but now it was time for her to leave her past in New York. It wasn't who she wanted to be. It never was. She'd felt at home in Cabo, with her friends. In the short time she'd spent with Chloe.
A small smile made its way to Beca's face when she thought of the beautiful redhead that she met that night on the beach. The way she stared up at the fireworks. The way her eyes twinkled when she smiled that bright beautiful smile. The way their hands fit in each other's. Chloe. An idea crept into her mind. The idea of home. Her eyes glanced around the room at the things she grew up around. The items that surrounded her were hers and her parents, until yesterday when she'd sold the penthouse and most of it's contents. There were a few personal possessions of her parents she would collect today and be out by noon as promised. But now laying on the couch, surrounded by such familiar things it didn't feel like home. She couldn't stop the thought that maybe Cabo was home. But the more she thought about it, it was just a place. Maybe home wasn't a place. Maybe for her, home was the people she was with. Her crazy friends ... were her family, yes but ... were they her home? The image of half of Chloe's face lit up by the flames of the fire that night on the beach took over her mind. Home. Chloe. Maybe Chloe ... could be home. Beca's head popped up from the couch at the thought. She looked down to her feet at the white dog curled around her legs.
"Wanna go see Chloe?" Beca asked her voice raspy.
Tuck's head shot up quickly.
Beca smiled. "Me too."
XxXxXx
BILLINGS – PRESENT DAY
She'd missed the sunrise for the first time in four days but for the first time in four days, she had something more mesmerizing, more beautiful to look at so she didn't really mind. Chloe couldn't take her eyes off of Beca as they sat on the swing in the early Montana morning. Beca held her breath as she waited for Chloe's response. Hoping the actress would be willing to give her another chance. She wasn't sure she deserved one but she knew she'd never forgive herself for not trying.
Chloe stood from the porch swing. She stood quickly and looked down at Beca. "You look tired." She said the first thing that came to her mind. "You should come inside."
Beca watched Chloe turn and walk into the house. There was a chance Chloe wouldn't be happy at her sudden reappearance and Beca knew that. She was willing to take that chance. But seeing Chloe pull away from her and walk into the house was something she wasn't expecting. Beca pushed herself from the porch swing and followed in the direction Chloe had gone. She walked into the house to see the actress standing with her back to her facing the kitchen counter.
"Chloe" Beca said softly. "I know you pissed at me for leaving without telling you"
Chloe stopped her, "I'm not pissed at you." She said as she pushed herself off the counter and turned back towards Beca. "I'm having a hard time accepting that you're here and that your saying all the things I want to hear." Chloe blushed. "I feel like there's a big giant catch looming and I don't know what it is and it's kind of freaking me out."
Beca walked through the house and joined Chloe in the kitchen. "There's not really a catch."
"Not really?" Chloe asked.
Beca shrugged and shook her head. "No."
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again. You just left without saying anything. Why did you do that? Why did you have to go home?" Chloe asked. "What did you have to do?"
Beca knew this was coming. She knew she'd have to tell Chloe about her past. More about her parents and why she disappeared on her five days ago.
"I'm sorry" Beca apologized gently. "I promise I'm going to tell you. I want to tell you." She admitted. "I want you to know me. Know everything about me"
"But" Chloe supplied with a sighed.
"But first there is something that I want. That I … need." Beca breathed heavily.
"What?" Chloe whispered. She could feel the temperature in the room rising quickly.
"I want to kiss you so badly." Beca admitted as her eyes dropped from crystal blue to Chloe's pink lips.
Chloe followed Beca's eyes and nodded ever so slightly. "Kay" was all she could manage to say.
They'd only ever kissed once. The one time on the beach. Before the whole Luke fiasco. And it was quick. And Beca had been a little surprised by it and before she could really get involved in the lip lock, it was over. Suddenly she was nervous as she stood toe to toe with Chloe. There was nothing stopping her. She swallowed hard as she began to lean forward. Her left hand raised up, intending to touch Chloe's cheek, but suddenly unsure if Chloe would like that she decided to drop her hand back down. It flung carelessly in the air in all directions as she was unable to decide what to do with the appendage.
Chloe's eyes broke from Beca's and towards the hand that was moving next to her. She gently placed her hand on Beca's forearm to calm the brunette and pull her slightly closer.
"Okay." Beca said nervously. "I'm gonna do it." Beca announced determined.
Chloe parted her lips slightly and closed her eyes in anticipation.
Beca felt Chloe's fingers squeeze tighter around her forearms. She felt herself leaning forward slightly or at least she thought she was but she wasn't 100% sure she was moving at all. "Okay" Beca whispered to herself.
"Becs" Chloe said softly as her eyes began to open slightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm so nervous" Beca admitted quickly. "I mean this is like ... a moment. A huge freaking moment and what if it sucks?"
Chloe recoiled slightly as she tried to pull herself out of the daze she was in so she could focus on what Beca was rambling.
"I mean it won't … suck." Beca raised her eyebrows. She knew she was losing it quickly but she was nervous and she couldn't stop the words from flowing out of her mouth. "You're a great kisser. And I'm good I think. I mean do people usually tell you if you're a good kisser or not? Because if that's the case then maybe I'm not but I'm just saying that this is going to be like our first kiss. Well not our first. It's technically our second if you don't count the kiss on the cheek and then it would be our third." Beca shook her head. "Of course … no … that doesn't count. So it's technically our second but really our first … like real kiss … and like a huge step in our relationship."
Chloe's eye brows shot up.
"Oh God." Beca snapped quickly. "No. I didn't mean that we are in a relationship. I mean not yet? But I want to be … in one … with … you." Beca closed her eyes slowly and dropped her head. "Oh God, I swear I'm not this girl. I'm not like all relationship crazy and needy." Her head shot up quickly as she continued with large eyes that darted around quickly avoiding Chloe's penetrating stare, "But that's probably exactly what all the crazies say. I'm sorry. I'm ruining this."
"Beca" Chloe said softly pulling Beca's eyes back up to hers. "Breath."
Beca nodded quickly as she took a deep breath.
"Better?" Chloe asked.
"Yeah" Beca smiled.
Chloe leaned forward closing the distance between them but stopped suddenly when Beca's mouth opened up wide.
"Oh God" Beca said through her yawn. She tried to fight it as best she could but she just couldn't close her jaw.
Chloe's forehead landed on Beca's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry" Beca forced out still yawning. She could feel Chloe's head wobbling on her shoulder probably from laughing at her. Her suspicions were confirmed when a giggle left Chloe's mouth.
Once Chloe was certain Beca was done yawning, she dropped her hold on the brunette's forearms and wrapped her arms around Beca's shoulders as she turned her head to bury her face in the crook of Beca's neck. She felt Beca's arms wrap around her waist and pull her tightly towards her. It felt good to be pressed up against Beca like this. She could stay this way for a long time, just holding each other, but she knew that Beca was tired. "Maybe you should go lay down for a while." Chloe suggested. "Get some sleep."
"Yeah" Beca agreed softly. She was tired. She had been going pretty much non-stop since she left Cabo. She was able to get a couple hours of rest here and there but it was now catching up to her. "That's probably a good idea."
Chloe reluctantly pushed back from Beca's hold so that the brunette could get some much needed sleep. But it happened so quickly that she didn't even feel Beca's hands drop from her hips and move to cup the sides of her face. She was being tugged back towards the brunette softly and before she realized what was happening she felt Beca's lips on hers. Her eyes closed instantly as she felt her body relax. Beca's lips released hers and repositioned themselves quickly, taking her bottom lip and gently sucking on it. Her arms tightened around Beca's neck when she felt Beca's warm tongue glide across her bottom lip just before it was released. Their lips met again instantly as Beca's hands slid back off Chloe's face and into her hair. Her fingers dug into Chloe's scalp as red hair threaded between her fingers. She turned her head to the opposite side, lips twisting together, as she repositioned herself. Chloe stumbled backwards slightly until she felt herself pressed up against the counter. Beca's body quickly followed.
Beca felt slightly off balance. Whether from the stumbling forward with Chloe attached to her or the actual kiss she wasn't sure but she removed her hands from Chloe's hair and placed them on the counter she currently had Chloe pressed tightly against. Chloe's hands untangled from behind Beca's neck and slid slowly over the top of her shoulders and began down her chest stopping just below the chef's collarbone. The kiss slowed. Chloe's lips had captured Beca's bottom lip at some point but was reluctant to release it as her mouth pulled away from the brunettes.
Once they were free from each other, Chloe rested her forehead against Beca's. It was like a dream. Like a scene in a movie. She'd had several kissing scenes in her line of work but they were never fun to do. There were always people standing around watching you. Sometimes people would be having an entire conversation less than 10 feet away while she was trying to perform the scene. And the scene would always have to be performed several times so the director could capture different angles never mind the fact that she didn't really want to be kissing whom ever she her love interest in the film was and that everyone around you, staring, were bored and waiting for someone to call lunch. When she'd watch the scene back in the movie, it was completely different. You couldn't hear the people having a conversation in the back ground anymore. You couldn't tell that the shots were taken from several different takes. And it didn't feel forced. It felt intimate and that's how she felt right now. Like she was in a movie. Her lips felt swollen in the best possible way. Her tongue tingled blissfully. The sound of her breath was the only thing she could hear and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her eyes opened slowly and focused on the slight upward curve of Beca's lips that were slightly parted and still very close to hers. She had many thoughts but Beca's lips had effectively taken her breath away. She wanted to tell Beca how she was feeling. Wanted to tell her it was the best kiss she'd ever had but her brain couldn't form the words. She could only feel her chest heaving and the swirling of butterflies in her stomach and the wanting tingle between her legs. She wanted to tell her so many things but the only thing she could get out was, "wow" which was forced out breathlessly.
AN: Cliché? I can't tell. You tell me... Happy New Year Pitches!
Song Title Cred: Bishop Briggs, Dream