Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. As the author writes this, remember that he's sacrificing his free time for this, and free time is expensive to sacrifice these days, almost as pricey as gasoline.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - This chapter was brought to you from an incredible writer's block on my novel. Seriously, it's like my brain is wrestling for whether to update this or my novel, and I know what should be best… I keep trying to get out, but you all keep pulling me back in!
Also, I've been asking everyone I can about breaking up couples, seeing how you all will react. Now I want to say that nothing is one hundred percent set in stone, but I do have plans… and also, just in case you're worried, I don't plan for all break-ups to be permanent. So keep reading, and I promise to be as gentle as possible.
And of course, new poll.
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Chapter 40 - Take a Good Hard Look at the Total Drama Blimp!
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(Maclean Stadium)
With a fourth of the contestants gone, the idea that this contest was starting to get more personal, serious, and all-around interesting, everyone was starting to feel it.
Room 1 was surprisingly oblivious to this, except for a fuming Arthur. Anita was busy putting on her required and much hated get-up, Belinda was still passively bemused, and Alfred was Alfred; he was getting his cap on and declaring for another awesome day.
Room 2 had Carol announcing the same thing, but with Bridgette being depressed over several issues and Clive being Clive, neither were in the mood, and chucked their pillows at her.
Room 3 had Courtney and Crystal getting ready for the day, while Cody checked himself in a small mirror. Colin had been thrown out of the room as per morning tradition, because he was Colin.
Room 4 consisted only of two individuals as different as could be. DJ was busy feeding Bunny his breakfast, and Eva was, trying to make absolute sure DJ couldn't see, correcting herself to look her best; she had never cared for this until there was a boy she could actually find a reason for acting like a girl before.
Room 5 seemed empty to Gwen, which was okay for her. Ezekiel had excused himself for a morning shower, and Geoff had never shown up. The goth girl worried a little about him (Geoff, not Ezekiel because she was relatively certain he could shower without injuring himself) but she had enough problems of her own.
Room 6 had Harold waking up to find both Heather and Izzy had already left. This suited him find, as he started to prepare himself, and was packing yo-yos, numchucks, and a Bo staff; he had a mission, a nerdy mission, but a mission nonetheless. He tied a headband around his head, smeared a little war paint under his eyes, and headed off.
Room 7 was busy with all of Justin's morning ritual of beautifying himself, but he wasn't really into it this morning. This suited Noah just fine, though he did sympathize for him over losing his girlfriend to voting elimination. Who he couldn't sympathize for was Geoff, who was poking his head out to peek into the hallway, reminding the brainiac of a meerkat.
Room 8 featured the classic kind of madness when you put a sister (Leshawna), a blonde (Lindsay), and a cultist (Mandy) in a room. Sure it would an interesting sitcom, but you ever seen three girls with completely different point of views try to get ready in the morning in one room? It is like something you don't want to compare to anything else, because girls everywhere would dare you apart for making a comedic comparison.
Room 9 was a lot more cheerful. Rodney was humming a cheerful tune as he prepared for the day, and soon Sadie and Sakaki were joining in. When they asked what he was so happy about, he said he was going to talk to a very special girl today. When both gals asked more, he blushed and admitted he wasn't ready to admit who he was crushing on.
Room 10 had Sebastian sitting up, looking at the absolute, incredible mess his room was, and vowing that sometime tomorrow, he would get to cleaning it up. Tyler was thinking the same, wondering if he could swear in a court of law that his room actually had a floor. Checking for anything sharp or pointy first, they intrepidly stepped out of bed.
Room 11 had four roommates who all seemed eager to get out of the room. Valerie wanted to seize the day with surge of freedom she still had, Zachary wanted to continue his own exploits, and Yoshi wanted to get away from Zachary. Xander was the only one who wasn't in a hurry, mostly because rebels get up at their own time.
The shower room was just as busy with the hustle and bustle of the morning. For those of you who don't know and even those who don't care, several shower rooms were located in the Maclean Stadium. The one closest to the contestants' rooms was, of course, used by them; even the craziest had no reason to travel a great distance to shower.
Divided by gender, both sides of the shower room were connected in the locker stall part of the room, where all the mirrors, lockers, and sinks were (isn't this fascinating?). The only reason we mention all this is because Heather, washed and wrapped in a couple towels (head and body) had just exited the girls' side the same time Ezekiel, wearing a towel as well, excited the boys' side. The two exchanged glances, realized that both were almost naked in front of each other, and then blushed. This moment of discomfort was quickly dispensed when the two approached each other.
"Moor'ning, beautiful," Ezekiel said, grinning at her.
"Morning to you too, handsome," Heather replied. She wrapped her arms around him, as he did with her, and they embraced in a long kiss. "How was your shower?"
"Refreshing, eh. Yours?"
"Fine, thank you. Miss me?"
"Mmm, are you tempting me to shoo'er with you, my dear Heather?"
"Maybe," she said with a teasing grin. "If this show wasn't full of crazy people, I just might invite you, but I know there would be peeping perverts."
"And how," one of the lockers declared, "this is hot!"
Heather and Ezekiel, who had been enjoying feeling frisky and having their hearts race in excitement, both screamed and jumped away from the locker. Izzy stepped out, still wearing her night wear. "Seriously, you two are so very hot together," she continued to gush, "if you shower together-"
"Izzy," Heather finally managed to spit out, "what are you doing?"
"Spying. Now Zekey," Izzy leaned in close to Ezekiel and asked in a very devious, interested tone, "have you two showered together yet?"
"How dare you spy on us," Heather exclaimed. "You… you pervert!"
"I wasn't spying on you specifically," she replied with a laugh. "I was just spying in general. There's a lot of handsome men in this show that I wouldn't mind seeing after a shower, you know?"
That's when Chef Hatchet entered, wearing a bright pink bathrobe, a shower cap over his chef hat, and carrying a disturbingly grungy back scratcher. He mumbled a "morning" to the three before heading in the boys' side.
"There's some nightmare fuel right there, eh," Ezekiel muttered.
"Wonder why he went in the boys' side," Izzy asked, also shaking off a shiver of horror.
"Now why are you spying?" Heather declared, getting the subject back on track. "You aren't lying when you say it wasn't for us?"
"Izzy," Ezekiel asked, a little more gentle than his girlfriend, "are you lonely or something?"
"Exactly, my dear Zekey! Izzy has gone on too long without someone to share fun times with, and she is determined to get herself some action!" She leaned in close to Ezekiel, and whispered long and slow, "Izzy has needs…"
"Then why are you spying in the shower room?" Heather grumbled. "Why don't you go out with that psycho boy who joined, Alfred?"
"He is courting my good friend, Mandy. I cannot ask him for affections any more."
Ezekiel scratched his wet head as he thought hard. "Wow, I hadn't thought of hoo' many boys were taken in the shoo' until now. Um… how about DJ?"
"He's afraid of me."
Heather looked away and muttered, "I wonder why…"
"What a'boot Cody, eh?"
"He's stuck in that love triangle, remember?"
"Oh, that's right. Well, what a'boot some of the new guys? Xander, Arthur, Sebastian?"
"You know, you are right, Zekey! I shall carry on my search! But first, Izzy needs to get changed, don't you think?"
Izzy gestured down at her night wear, giggled, and started to head out of the room. As she did so, Heather called out, "Hey, Izzy! You do know that not just guys use the shower room, but girls do too?"
This comment simply made Izzy grin her usual Izzy-grin, and reply, "Izzy is not picky."
As she shut the door behind her, Heather and Ezekiel exchanged long glances. "You knoo'," he said, "if a guy was trying that, he'd be in serious troo'ble, eh."
"After that last comment, I don't think the double standard stands anymore, Ezekiel dear."
(Janitor's Closet - Shower us with praise!)
Heather - "I keep trying to remind myself that Izzy is one of Ezekiel's best friends, and that I need to be more respectful to her, but she sure makes it hard at times! She ruined a perfectly good, private moment between me and Zeke! Or at least, I thought it was private…" *She blushes and looks away.*
Izzy - *dressed normally now* "Izzy does not need a boy, she just likes a boy! See, Izzy is a complex girl, who sometimes like to talk in third person! Heehee, I still don't know why I do that sometimes. But back to the subject, I aim for the pleasures in life, and goals that fill me with great delight! Getting a boy or some fun with a boy, but one of my biggest goals is to make my own Trope!"
Ezekiel - "Sometimes I wonder if Izzy needs to aim fur higher, eh. I mean, she's so content with doing simple yet crazy things, she doesn't seem to have a life plan ready; but then a'geen, hoo' can any of us on this shoo', eh?"
Chef Hatchet - *still wearing his bathrobe and shower cap* "And I'll keep wear this until I get my friggin' paycheck!"
*He then takes his grungy back scratcher, lifts it up underneath the back of his bathrobe, and scratches. We are cutting it off here before we are scarred more.*
(Maclean Stadium)
Breakfast had been served, and everyone was busy eating, talking, or doing anything else that came to the mind of a teenager at breakfast (which was surprisingly a lot). By this time in the show, everyone had seats that they normally sat at, to be with friends and such, but of course, some were rebellious.
Xander was seated next to Crystal, chatting her up as she giggled and ate her oatmeal. Bridgette sat alone, looking like she had a lot on her mind. Leshawna was trying to get Gwen to talk to her, but was a little distracted with Rodney talking to her.
"Have you seen Harold?" Rodney asked, giving Leshawna a polite smile that made her feel like a jerk if she dismissed him.
"Sadly no sugar, haven't seen him this morning yet," she replied. "Funny, he usually is with me at breakfast."
"Well, there's something I really want to talk to him about, okay?" Rodney smiled and nodded. "Take care, Leshawna!"
"You too, cutie-pie."
As Rodney left, Leshawna looked at Gwen again. "Kid's got some business with Harold… I wonder what it could be?" Gwen shrugged and mumbled something about "not knowing anything," to which her friend tried to draw her out. "Now Gwen, you are my best friend and like my sister, but I'm gonna smack ya if ya keep on avoiding me, ya hear?"
The goth girl shrugged again, and glanced over at her, then her eyes widened and she pointed beyond her friend. Leshawna turned to see Harold, armed and dressed like some kind of war veteran and armed with ridiculous weapons, walking towards them.
"Harold, what has gotten into you?" she declared.
"I'm on a mission, my lovely Leshawna," he said, bowing politely to her. "I am hunting for Geoff."
"What business have you got with him?"
"He has been avoiding everyone, including Bridgette, and I am determined to get him to explain himself! He cannot ignore his friends and loved ones forever!"
Leshawna stood up and pushed him slightly back, away from Gwen. "Honey, couldn't you help me with Gwen instead?" she whispered to him, concern in her voice. "She's becoming so distant, even I'm having trouble reaching her; I cannot even get her to talk to me!"
Harold glanced over at Gwen, then back at his girlfriend and frowned sympathetically. "I understand, and I want to help you, I know you care for her a great deal. But I would not know how to help, Gwen and I have never been close; the only thing we've had in common is our love for you, Leshawna."
She sighed and scratched the back of her head. "Okay hon, but if you pick up anything, anything at all that might hint at what's bothering her, please tell me."
"Of course, m'lady."
"And try to get Bridgette to join us, she's been alone for too long."
"Ah, the trio," Harold said, smiling. "Leshawna, Gwen, and Bridgette together makes such a nice trio; you all should come up with a clever name or something for it."
"Crazy boy, we'll do that when we cure my girlfriends of their funk! Now go on, my Rambo."
"At your service, my lovely Leshawna."
(Janitor's Closet - Bathe us in the light!)
Leshawna - "Harold sure can be nerdy at times, but his heart is always in the right place. I love that guy, but sometimes I don't follow him. At least he's doing all he can to help my friends… Heaven knows what's wrong with my girl, Gwen."
Harold - "Geoff shall not ignore Bridgette any more! I will hunt down my friend and make him confess what is bothering him to my friend Bridgette! Then I'll work on Gwen's problem, and Leshawna's friends will be friendly again!
"Or at least, as friendly as Gwen can get… she has a lot of fine points, but temper isn't one of them. Probably why I get along better with Bridgette… I mean, Leshawna! That's what I meant!"
Chef Hatchet - *He is now using the scratcher to scratch inside his nose… oh dear God!*
Rodney was busy talking to Izzy, or at least trying to get her attention as she scanned the cafeteria in her search of boys. The prodigy kept on trying, even as Izzy watched Alfred walk by.
"Hello there, cutie-patootie," he said as he sat down next to Mandy, who was reading a couple papers.
"Cthulhu's followers are not 'cutie-patooties,' mister."
"But you still are."
"I'm not even sure what a 'patootie' is," she said, looking away to hide a slight blush.
"Think it's the bottom. Now what is that you're reading?"
"Some new scripture from my favorite website, printed it out last night. Some moron wrote a short story, and it's really quite badly written."
"How so?"
"Well, it's like he doesn't double-check his work. See here, 'Kaida jumped on Kaida in her surprise.' That's just bad writing!"
"But it's possible."
"What? How?"
"Observe," Alfred said as he stood up. He then let out a startled yelp and jumped back, having his arms clasp around his head and landing one foot on top of the other. In this position, he grinned and said, "See this? Alfred jumped on Alfred, I just jumped on myself!"
Mandy blinked, then pouted. "You vex me so, mortal boy."
"Ah, but I am clever."
"Yes, I admit you are."
After he sat down next to her and resumed a normal (or as normal as they could get) conversation, Cody passed by them and sat next to Yoshi. The warrior teen looked up and asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Just wanted a change of place."
"But I thought you always sat with Eva and Anita."
"Meh, they're kind of crowding me, I wanted some time away from them."
Cody munched on his morning omelet until he heard Yoshi scoff and mutter, "Idiot." When the geek rounded on him, he replied, "I may be in this competition for the challenge, but even I wouldn't be upset about two girls trying for my attention!"
As the two boys argued this, Eva watched from afar and sighed in defeat, realizing Cody wasn't going to sit in his normal place. "Nice going, stupid, just lost him," she grumbled to herself and sat down, defeated.
DJ happened to be passing by when she said this, and was shocked. "What? Me?"
"Huh? No, not you, Deej," she said. Before he could walk away, she asked, "DJ, am I intimidating?" When he looked too nervous to answer, she groaned and muttered, "I'll take that as a yes."
"Well, you do have a temper, girl."
"I realize that," she muttered. "I've been working on it, but ever since this thing with Cody, it's really felt up and down and it's making me cranky in all."
"Well, keep up your efforts, we all can change over time," he assured her, patting her shoulder.
"Thanks. I know I'm not the easiest roommate to have, but I gotta say, I don't mind you being a softie at times."
"That's me," he said proudly, and then added, "Oh, and by the way, there are people who intimidate me more than you."
"Oh yeah? Like who?"
"Chef Hatchet."
(Janitor's Closet - Shower heading for trouble!)
Eva - "The sucky thing about this whole romance is that I'm trying to be nicer, while competing and dealing with that Anita chick! It's like I'm being forced down two roads at once, and… and… sorry, I don't do metaphors. All I know is that I hope Cody isn't too ticked off at me, I'm not good at handling silent treatment."
DJ - "I know how it's like for Eva, I'm trying to be more brave and forthcoming! Momma said no girl wants a wimp, and thus, I'm determined to make myself so longer a wimp! I do it for you, ma! Oh, and the ladies, I guess I do it for them too."
Chef Hatchet - *He is now using the scratcher to scratch his… OH DEAR GOD!*
Anita sat down at her usual place, but alone now. She let out a miserable sigh as she looked over at Cody, who was still arguing with Yoshi, and stuck her fork into her omelet. As she glanced to the side, she missed DJ sitting down next to her.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Oh nothing," she lied, then shook her head and muttered, "No, everything is."
"Want to talk? I'm good at listening."
"I'll bet you are, Deej," she said, managing a smile for him for a moment, "but I don't think it'd be fair to whine to you."
"Why not?"
"Because it has to do with guys, and girl trouble, and all that stuff."
DJ shrugged and said, "Momma always said I was good at understanding such things. I am a guy, and I have dated before, you know."
"True, but," Anita stopped herself again, and sighed in defeat. "DJ, I cannot talk to you about this, because you are rooming with the girl I'm fighting over a boy for. You're on her side, I know it."
"I'd rather not take sides, I'm just as neutral as can be," he said with a wide grin. "Anything else bothering you?"
"Well, it's just that ever since I joined this show, I haven't really done anything except parade around in this revealing outfit," she said, gesturing down to her tube top and skirt. "I want to be more useful, you know, do something!"
"I know that feeling. My suggestion, try to forget what everyone might be thinking of you, and do it. Otherwise, you'll chicken out because you're too worried what they all think."
Anita nodded, then smiled sincerely at him. "Thanks, Deej, you're such a nice guy."
Rodney walked by as Anita changed the subject to Bunny, and asked, "Have you thought of getting a bigger cage for him?" This really confused the prodigy, but he politely said hello to both of them. As he asked if they enjoyed breakfast, Carol leapt over the boy and let out a cry of joy.
"Today's the day," she declared, looking at the others, "I know it! I've got my mojo back, so it is time for me to kick some ass!"
"Do watch your language around him," Anita said, pointing at Rodney who looked quite surprised as he stared up at Carol.
"Oh, I'm sure he's taken anatomy!"
(Janitor's Closet - Draining to the soul!)
Carol - "See here, I'm determined to be the very best, and I'm gonna be a cop! Officer Carol Christmas at your service, ready to make your year a safe and merry one! I'm lightning in a can… even though I'm not sure how that works, but it's still a kick-ass phrase, and thus I'm gonna use it!"
Cody - "Yoshi thinks I'm a fool for avoiding Anita and Eva, but I think he's just not seeing the picture. I really just want some time to think it over, is that so much to ask for? Sometimes, a guy just needs his alone time." *He smiles, then falters when he realizes how bad that could sound.*
Yoshi - "Every day I'm competing here, I miss Daisy more. She had brains, brawn, and beauty, I wish I had seen more of it before the accident that took her from the show. I feel like a fool, and thus I think Cody's being damn foolish for ignoring two smart and strong women vying for his attention. And yes, this is me romantic, at least as much as I'll show in front of a camera."
Chef Hatchet - *Gaaah! Quick cutting to him, it's just getting worse! The horror… the horror…*
"Where's Geoff?" Rodney asked Bridgette when he brought her a glass of milk. "Isn't he normally with you?"
Bridgette sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, sweetheart, I haven't seen him in so long."
The prodigy nodded sadly, and then caught a glimpse of a cowboy hat darting out of the cafeteria. "Wait, was that him?" he asked aloud, and then gave chase, running as fast as his little legs could carry. Bridgette watched him go, but didn't follow suit. She merely sipped her milk, and stared down at her breakfast.
"Love troubles?"
Bridgette was rather surprised to see Noah sit down next to her, eating his breakfast nonchalantly. "Um… yes… wait, no! I mean… what business of it is yours, Noah?"
"Just thought you might like to know," he said without looking over at her, "that your boyfriend spent the night in Room 7 with Justin and I, and he's still frantically hiding."
"What? But…," Bridgette stammered. "Why would he do that?"
"My guess is that he wanted to avoid his own room, where your goth and toque friends are. Call me crazy, but I think those two would do anything to get him to talk."
She stared at him, then sighed and looked away. "Somehow I doubt Gwen would do that, she's been incredibly distant."
"Goth girl being distant, that's new."
Bridgette frowned at this. "If you don't care, Noah, then why are you here?"
"Because it's my little way of apologizing, and even I, your resident cynic," he said as he popped a blueberry in his mouth, "don't like to see a happy couple unhappy. Seeing you mope is like seeing Katie when she's heartsick, and frankly, I start to feel like an actual jerk if I don't do something about it."
Speaking of jerks, Valerie was nearby the two, but not able to overhear the conversation. As she wondered if she could twist that, Arthur walked by her. "Oh hello there," she said, her voice sweet and deadly like poisoned honey, "how are you this morning, Arthur?"
"Get bent," he huffed as he walked by.
"Now that's not nice. Have you forgotten the favor I did for you?"
"Not listening, you poison in pink!"
She blew a kiss to him, and chuckled to herself.
(Janitor's Closet - A close shave, that one!)
Valerie - "It's just so delicious how much I can do with this freedom, and with all these simple-minded creeps around me! I thought it would suck and I would have to put on an act, but now I can enjoy myself when I'm not behaving like a politician for the public! Arthur's just another notch on my belt, so to speak, and I'm not done with him yet!" *She grins wickedly and licks her lips, chuckling to herself.*
Arthur - "I cannot believe I got suckered into a scheme by that pink-wearing witch! Seriously, what is up with her, she's acting like some girl gone wild or whatever. Still don't get why she kissed me…" *He licks his lips, and then sighs as he looks away.*
Bridgette - "I really, really don't want to whine, I don't like seeming like a complainer, but things are really hectic right now! Geoff has gone missing for the most part, Gwen is distant, Leshawna is busy trying to solve Gwen's issues, and everyone seems to think I'm falling for Harold! I need to get something done about all this, or I might just lose it."
Noah - *pops the final blueberry from breakfast into his mouth and speaks after he's done eating* "Yeah, I guess this is why the show is called Total Drama. The weird thing is though, I thought I'd have to watch over Sadie when Katie left, but she seems to be doing all right for herself. Just hope she doesn't have any soy beans like Katie did… still cannot get over that she'd do that!"
Chef Hatchet - *And we cannot believe what he is doing NOW! Cut, cut, for the love of everything holy, CUT!*
"Miss Courtney," Rodney said as he sat down next to her, "do you think if you have a crush on someone, you should let them know?"
"What?" she asked, "Why on Earth would you ask that?"
"Oh, I have this… friend," he said, looking to the side and unable to make eye contact with her, "who really likes this girl, but he hasn't really said anything to her yet. I'm wondering if he should just… come clean, you know?"
"That's one way of putting it," Courtney said, "but frankly, I think your friend should keep the crush to himself, and try to build on a relationship normally."
"Is that how you and Duncan built yours up?"
"Um, yes," she stammered slightly, looking to the side. "That's how it happened, more or less. Completely professional, don't think of it like some wild rebellion or whatever, Rodney."
"You two are still seeing each other, right?"
"Yes, I believe so."
"Because last time you two were together, you kind of kneed him in the groin."
"No! … Okay, yes, but he had it coming!"
Rodney looked to the side again, biting his lip. "Is that what I have to look forward to when I start dating?"
"What? Of course not! Don't let a girl hurt you, you're far too sweet to deserve that!"
"But what about Duncan?"
"He can be a jerk, it's fine then. Someone has to teach him manners, Rodney."
Now Rodney was completely and utterly confused. He excused himself and went to go talk to Sadie, who was waiting for Zachary. "Sadie," he asked, "when you start dating, do you have to hit a guy to get him to behave?"
"I sure hope not," Sadie exclaimed. "I'm, like, no good at physical violence! I can't even hit my pillow when I'm mad, because I'm worried, I'll, like, totally hurt the pillow!"
Rodney was starting to get dizzy from how confused he was. "Um, okay, thank you."
"No problem, sweetie!"
(Janitor's Closet - You know, we could make more shower room puns, but we're sick of it.)
Sadie - "I truly thought I would be hopeless without Katie, but now I see so much that I can do! I can follow my crush on Zachary, I get to gal-pal with girls like Sakaki and Lindsay and Carol, and I get to help Rodney with all his problems. Katie, I miss you with all my heart and soul, and I hope that you're doing okay!"
Courtney - "Okay, I might have confused Rodney there, but it's perfectly understandable why I have to get physical with Duncan. I mean! I mean I have to punish him for acting badly! That's understandable, right?"
Rodney - *He lets out a long sigh as he looks up, rocking on his feet.* "Well, I managed to talk to her once during breakfast, but it didn't really feel too satisfying. I only hope she liked my company! I am determined to show her how much I care!"
*He giggles and nervously rubs his hands together.* "I just hope I'm doing this right. See, back home, I had this big crush on a girl called Gil. She was incredibly smart and clever and just so pretty… even though she did have a thing for crazy things like magic tricks that looked rather dangerous." *He chuckles, then looks to the side.* "In retrospect, being a volunteer to be the man who gets sawed in half just to talk to her more wasn't a good idea, but I did get to talk to her, and that's all that matters! Right?"
(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)
Chris Maclean was standing at the center of the area, basking in the cheers of the crowd. "Hey, campers," he said, "today I have decided to keep calling you that."
"Thrilling report," Arthur grumbled.
"I could have waited for Drudge Report to update that," Noah muttered.
The host simply chuckled, and said, "You cannot bother me today, because I am especially loving this next challenge! It's got some of the best elements from some of our best challenges!"
"You mean it's like a major VR game?" Leshawna asked. "What, like zombie vampire aliens that are giant?"
"The VR games aren't the best, silly camper! Why would you think that?"
"Because you're not in them!"
"Like I said, you grumpy bunch of grumps cannot ruin my good mood! No no, today we let our spirits soar, and the ratings will too! Now, to present the pre-challenge!"
He reached into his pocket, but after fishing there and searching his other pockets, he failed to produce anything but lint. Frustrated, he went to the table that stood at the raised platform, and began searching. "Where the heck is that remote?"
The host picked up a trophy, looked under it, and chucked it away in frustration. The shiny projectile sailed towards the contestants, and clonked Rodney on the head. Even with his helmet, he was rattled, and wobbled on his feet as several people rushed to his side.
"Did that hurt?" Courtney asked the prodigy.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" Lindsay asked. She had all her fingers up and was waving them wildly in his face, trying to be useful but failing miserably.
"You okay there, kid?" DJ asked.
"Hubba hubba zoot zoot," Rodney replied with a dizzy slur.
Chris was still frantically searching for the remote. "Now where is it? Chef! Did you move it?"
The large co-host, still wearing his pink bathrobe, walked onto to the platform. "I didn't take your remote, fool."
"Good Lord, why are you wearing that?"
"I ain't changing until I get my paycheck!"
"We'll see who cracks first. Now, where's the remote?"
"Haven't seen it."
"C'mon, you must have," Chris started to say, then stopped when his foot kicked a round object underneath the table. He lifted it up, an ordinary basketball, and muttered, "What's this doing here?" With a shrug, he tossed it behind his back like if he was trying to score a wonderful three-pointer.
This was rather unfortunate for Rodney, who had just recovered from the first blow for the basketball to bop him right on top of the head. His helmet cushioned the blow, but he still wobbled on his feet and moaned pitifully.
"Oh my, not again," Lindsay exclaimed. "Okay, now how many fingers do I have up?"
"Deba uba zat zat," Rodney replied, falling backwards, "a-num num!"
"Chris, stop throwing things," Anita shouted.
The host lifted up a brick that he found in underneath the table as well. "Now this is just silly," he said to Chef, "who leaves a brick lying around?"
"Chris, don't you dare!" Courtney shouted.
"Don't I dare what?"
"You've already hit Rodney twice with flying objects," Gwen said, "stop throwing things around!"
"Twice, huh?" Chris said. He grinned as he lightly one-handed juggled the brick. "Well, you know the rule of funny! I have to clock him a third time for it to be really funny-"
The basketball was thrown back at Chris, hitting him in the temple. He wobbled on his feet, and muttered, "A-hoorepa hoorepa a-huh-hoorepa a-num num!" [1]
The contestants looked around to see who had done the deed, but it had happened so fast that most had missed it. The only one was Harold, who whispered to Gwen, "Nice shot."
In his dazed state, Chris dropped the brick on his feet. Wailing in pain, he hobbled around shouting, "My toes, my beautiful toes."
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a brick joke?)
Sebastian - "Everyone, if ever you needed proof that such a thing as karma exists, there's your answer."
Gwen - "Seriously, how do people like Chris get to be so mean? You just want to punch 'em and punch 'em, and knock them down, and when they try to get back up, don't give them a second chance, and ram-" *She pauses her rant and takes a deep breath.* "Okay, I'm good now."
While Chris was recovering, Zachary picked up the trophy that had been chucked. "Hey, this looks new," he said. "It's got a blimp on it too."
"A blimp?" Sadie asked, getting closer to look. "Oh wow, is that the new challenge?"
Noah cleared his throat. "Wasn't that some kind of hint?" He pointed up, and everyone looked up to see a large blimp hovering over the stadium.
"Whoa, how'd we miss that?" Sadie mused aloud.
"Kind of silly to miss something as big as that," Carol added.
"Where's the Goodyear?" Alfred asked. "There's supposed to be a Goodyear on those things!"
Chris cleared his throat in his personal bullhorn, causing a high-pitched whine from the device that made everyone wince. After he was done, he said, "Okay, campers, guess the cat's out of the bag. Our next challenge involves blimps! Now, who is ready for the pre-challenge challenge? No? Too bad, because it's starting now!"
He held up the remote, which Chef had found on some random chair, and pressed the button. Up above, a compartment on the blimp opened, and thousands upon thousands of party balloons floated down into the stadium. They covered the crowd and arena like a blanket of air-filled, multicolored delight.
"Now the rules are simple," Chris Maclean said as he bounced one of the balloons in his hand. He had to speak over the roar of the thrilled crowd, the contestants who were busy playing with balloons, and the frequent popping noise that filled the stadium. "You all are just going to pop balloons, but don't start just yet!"
As he talked and the others started to pay more attention, some noticed Anita was sprinting away as fast as she could, hands over her ears, whimpering in terror. "What's her deal?" Eva asked.
"Beats me," Geoff mumbled.
"In some of these balloons contains a leader pass," Chris was continuing to explain. "It's a little card that says, 'Leader.' Now there are many, but the first six to bring one to me because a leader for our next challenge! Is that all clear?"
He scanned the contestants amid the huge crowd of balloons, then he too noticed Anita was not among them. She was cowering in the pathway that led back to the rooms, staring out at the balloon-covered area as if it were laced with explosive. "Anita," he called out on his bullpen, "are you going to come out to play?"
"No way," she shrieked. "I'm not getting near those exploding demons!"
"Fine, your loss," Chris replied, then looked at the contestants. "On a side, fun note, just because someone found a card doesn't mean they've automatically won; they could, perchance, lose," he winked many times, "and whoever finds it then just has to take it to me to be a winner!"
"Is that permission to beat up people?" Colin asked, excited.
"That boy don't take subtlety very well, do he?" Chef Hatchet asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Thirty-two versus one if you try anything, Colin," Belinda commented. "Remember that?"
Chris held up an air horn. "Ready, campers? And three, two, one, POP!"
The air horn blew, and immediately the contestants started stomping on every balloon they could. Though the noise was quite loud, it couldn't cover up Anita's terrified shrieks.
"Is that chick afraid of balloons or something?" Colin asked as he held up a balloon and started to squeeze. "Seriously? She has a couple balloons in her top, how could she afraid of balloons?"
"Oh, like I'm sure she hasn't heard that one before," Mandy snapped at him. She was busy stabbing balloons with her sacrificial dagger, so Colin didn't feel like arguing with her; however, he saw Anita cowering, and an evil grin formed across his evil face.
"I think I'm gonna have some fun," he said, and darted over to where Anita was cowering. When she saw him, and the large balloon (which, due to her phobia, was like an oversized grenade), she whimpered and backed away.
"Aw, don't like balloons?" he taunted. "What loser fear is that? You stupid skank!"
"Just leave me alone," she cried, backing up against the wall. "Please!"
"Anita doesn't like balloons," he sang, bringing the balloon up in her face. "The bimbo with a couple balloons in her chest doesn't like balloons-"
The bombshell, backed against the wall, eventually couldn't stand the balloon in her face anymore, and she kicked him in the groin as hard as she could. This caused him to squeeze the balloon until it popped, and he sank to his knees as a card fluttered to the ground.
Anita panted in her terror, then saw the leader card on the ground. Looking at the bully clutching his groin in agony, she swallowed her fear, picked up the card, and ran screaming with her hands over her ears as she charged to the raised platform Chris was on. The host tried to take it from her, but her hands was clasped so tight over her ears that he had to get Chef to do it.
"Well, everyone, Anita is the leader of the first team," Chris announced, "and I saw it all! She kicked a boy in the crotch and stole his card from under him! I'm so proud of her!"
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a balloon joke?)
Anita - "I'm sure many people think it's so hilarious that I'm afraid of party balloons, but those things are pure evil! They're floating explosives, time bombs on random count-downs, portable gun shots! They're the most horrible things, grenades on strings!"
*She takes a breather from her rant, and looks away from the camera.* "Well, you'd hate them too if people snuck up behind you and popped them right in your ear! Go ahead, laugh! When you're forced to face your own phobia, you won't be laughing then!" [2]
The teenagers continued to stomp on balloons in their hunt for leader cards, while Anita ran out of the arena screaming again. Rodney tried to jump on a balloon to pop it, but it was a rather strong balloon, and it was bounced into the air with a spring; he knocked over several of the contestants when he came crashing down.
Tyler was one of those people, landing face-first on a balloon. It popped and when he sat up, he coughed up bits of balloon and then a card. Quickly thinking, he snatched the card and dashed for the platform. He fumbled over the large amount of balloons still on the ground, and crashed again.
He dropped the card, which was snatched by Yoshi, who got tackled by Zachary. As the two fought, Courtney yanked the card from Yoshi's hand, and hurried until Leshawna grabbed her shoulders. The card flew out of the CIT's hand, and was caught by Clive.
The emo glanced at it, rolled his eyes, and threw it behind him, where it was promptly picked up by the original owner. Tyler managed to get to the raised platform, and practically shoved it into Chris's hand.
As this fighting went on, Xander managed to find one himself. It was expertly snatched from his hand by Izzy, who give him the big eye once over. She grinned and then pushed the card into the open patch of her top, deep into her cleavage. "I dare you to get it," she said, her sly grin spreading with the words.
Balloon popping and fighting continued, and it was starting to get indiscriminate. Bridgette was caught in the head with a flailing elbow, and stumbled around the field. With her natural clumsiness, she managed to trip over balloons and fall down. It wasn't until a hand extended to help her up that she got over the shock.
"Thank you… Geoff?"
She gaped at her boyfriend, who seemed to also realize the awkward position that was caused by him hurrying to his girlfriend's aid. Before she had time to ask a question, he lifted her up on her feet and bolted to escape. He didn't get far, as Harold jumped on his back.
"There you are," the nerd declared. "You get back there and explain yourself to Bridgette!"
"No, ow! Get off me, dude! What's wrong with you?"
"I'm your worst nightmare! Now stop being an idiot, and-"
Bridgette had run over to stop the fighting, but only ended up knocking them over. Harold was sent sprawling, while Geoff sprinted off, lost in the crowd of teenagers and balloons. The surfer girl would have went after him, but had to catch Rodney, who had gone airborne from another balloon-popping attempt.
Crystal was lost in the maze of balloons when she saw Xander with his hand down Izzy's top. "Cor blimey," she said, unsure whether to get mad or laugh, "what in blazes are you doing to Izzy?"
"She's got one of the cards down her top, and won't give it to me."
Izzy grinned and winked at Crystal, which made the romantic understand much more, and started to think of what to call this. "Xizzy? No, that does not roll off the tongue… Xanzy?" As she continued to ponder, Xander's face lit up in success.
"Got it," he declared, and retracted his hand. The card was in his hand, but so was something else. Izzy stared at her bra in his hand, down at herself, then let out a playful, indignant cry.
"That is not all you got," Crystal commented in a fit of giggles.
"Totally by accident, I assure you," Xander replied.
"One would think it comes natural with easy you made it," Izzy added, grinning slyly again.
As Xander hurried over to Chris, Harold was recovering from his fall, and used his Bo staff to lift himself up, popping a balloon that contained a leader card. Eva went after it, but when he twirled his weapon in her general direction, she had second thoughts. The nerd plucked up the card, and hurried over to Chris.
Xander made it there first, with Harold right behind him. To the surprise of many, Mandy was right behind them, with a leader card impaled on her sacrificial dagger. With five leaders picked, everyone knew it was go-time.
Most of the remaining contestants were struggling to pop balloons, fighting off over contestants, or just dodging a catapulted Rodney ("Okay, that's the last balloon I try to pop-aiyeeee!"). It finally came down to when Zachary managed to find him. While people rounded on him, his mind worked into overtime to avoid pain and score points in his scheme. With Sadie nearby, he pushed the card into her hands and said, "You can do this, Sadie, hurry now-" before he was tackled by Heather, DJ, and Gwen.
Sadie blitzed for the platform, and no one was able to stop her. With all the experience she had with Katie when she had to fight through crowds of screaming teenage girls like them at big events like pop star events and sales, this crowd was nothing. She got to the platform and handed the card to Chris.
"And we have our winners," said the host proudly. "From first to last, we have the following:
"Team 1: Dirigible, Anita! Team 2: Zeppelin, Tyler! Team 3: Blimp, Xander! Team 4: Airship, Harold! Team 5: Balloon, Mandy! And last but not least, Team 6: Floaty Thingy, Sadie!
"I did the rankings myself, depending on the performance of the teams. As you can see, Team 6 is really the most shameful, because they came in last."
"What?" Sadie said, looking upset. "But I got my card to you over twenty people!"
"Still last," Chris said with a laugh. "Now then, the teams!"
"Does Anita get to pick first?" Tyler asked as he looked around. "I think she's still hiding."
Chris shook his head. "Nope! Because your teammates, a.k.a. lackeys, are going to be chosen randomly!"
"What?" Harold balked. "Then what's the point of being leader?"
"Not to mention we got to pick in previous challenges," Xander pointed out.
The host cupped a hand around his ear, still grinning wickedly. "You all hear that? That's the sound of me not taking any of that into consideration! Now, to randomly pick your teammates."
As Chris started to work on his electronic pad for the answer to this, the leaders all pouted and sulked. "He does love to make things difficult, doesn't he?" Tyler grumbled.
"First time I actually get to really do something," Sadie remarked, "and he, like, takes all the privileges!"
"Foolish mortal," Mandy said as she fiddled with the card impaled on her dagger. "Cthulhu will consume him, and then his ego."
A couple minutes later, Chris had the results. "I have the results," he resulted. "And those results are resulting into the following results ("We get it," Gwen shouted):
"Team Dirigible will consist of Anita, Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, and Belinda.
"Team Zeppelin will consist of Tyler, Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, and Noah.
"Team Blimp will consist of Xander, Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, and Sakaki.
"Team Airship will consist of Harold, Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, and a secret, sixth teammate!
"Team Balloon will consist of Mandy, Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, and another secret teammate!
"And Team Floaty Thing has Sadie, Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, and our final, secret teammate!"
As the audience cheered and clapped, the contestants shuffled over to their new teams. Heather had one question, though. "Why are some of the teams getting a hidden member?"
"Because we wanted the teams to be balanced this time," Chris explained. "Now let me introduce the people joining your teams! Team 4, since you were first of the teams of five, get the best member: Alejandro!"
The crowd roared and shrieked in delight as Alejandro walked into the area, waving to the crowd's reactions. He blew kisses, bowed, and walked over to the teams, where almost all the girls were swooning at the sight of the handsome Latino.
"Wowee," Izzy gushed. "I wanna be on Team 4! Lemme on that airship!"
"He's so handsome," Leshawna said, grinning ear to ear.
"Oh wow," was all Bridgette could say.
Alejandro shook hands with Chris Maclean. "Thank you for letting me joining the show for this episode, Chris!"
"No problem, buddy! Just remember what you're supposed to do!"
"Will do," he said. They exchanged a wink that no one else really caught on, and then Alejandro walked over to Team 4, enjoying the audible swoons from girls. He approached Harold, and asked, "So you're my team leader?"
"Yes, though it doesn't really mean anything from Chris's decisions."
They shook hands and exchanged a smile as Alejandro said, "I'm sure you'll be a great leader for the challenge."
"Gosh, thanks!"
Alejandro then approached Bridgette, who was blushing bright pink. "And you are… Bridgette, no?"
"N-no. I mean! Yes! Yes, I meant, I mean that… um… I have a boyfriend!"
As Alejandro chuckled and continued to chat her up, Justin fumed and looked away. "They got another good looking guy?" he spat out. "That was supposed to be my key to this show! What am I without my looks or my girl? They've ripped me of everything that makes me me!"
"Want," Valerie's audible request as she stared at Alejandro, giggling too. Heather scoffed and elbowed her.
"You're openly drooling," she snapped.
"Yeah, well, you haven't stopped staring too," Valerie added. "I always figured someone with devilish good looks was your type."
Heather snarled and looked away.
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a blimp joke?)
Justin - "Chris once told me I was to join this show to be gorgeous! Since then, they got a biker rebel, a bombshell woman, and now this co-host that's Latino gorgeousness in sculptured wonder! Beth keeps telling me to believe in myself and not my looks, but this is really bad, you know?"
Colin - *fuming* "I'm part Latino, why don't girls drool over me like that? Bunch of b-" *He is cut off for sensibility reasons.*
Heather - "That Alejandro guy thinks he's so smooth, but I'm not falling for any of that! I'll bet he's up to something with Chris, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it! Everyone else thinks this guy is an angel already!"
"So you co-host the show?" Bridgette asked, still blushing and smiling as she talked to Alejandro. "Wow, so, you know, you are with all those voted off?"
"Indeed, and it is certainly a pleasure," Alejandro said. "But I'm glad to be on the official show, so I can be with you all without having to get voted off."
"And we're all happy to meet you," Alfred said, high-fiving him. "Seriously, this is cool!"
"Always nice to see a new face," Leshawna added. "And such a gentleman too."
"So where you originate from, Alejandro?" Harold asked. "Mexico? Spain? Puerto Rico?"
Chris cleared his throat. "Okay, I know all of you want to learn more about our gorgeous newbie, but we have more to go through. Now, joining Team 5 is the other co-host of the loser show, is Sierra!"
Most people saw a flash of purple, and then the thunderclap of an excited squeal. Cody was the most surprised as he was suddenly squeezed and clenched against a tall, ecstatic girl. "CODY," Sierra screamed in delight. "I finally get to meet you face-to-face! I'm so happy!"
"His face is in your chest, not your face," Sebastian pointed out.
"Not in the first second, would I do that," Sierra admitted, then grinned and added, "Maybe in the first minute! Oh, I could just huggle you all day, Cody, this is the happiest day of my life!"
While most people were slightly bemused with this event, Eva was furiously clenching her fists and shooting daggers from her eyes. She kept wringing her hands in a strangling motion, which made her teammates a little nervous to be near her. Anita watched from a distance, still hiding from the balloons, and was crestfallen.
"I knew I should have been more forward before he eventually met her," Anita whined to herself and sank down to her knees.
"So, this is the uber-fan that I heard so many restraining orders about?" Noah asked Chris.
"Yep, isn't she something?"
"We're going to need jaws of life to get her off of Cody."
"Isn't that hilarious?"
Noah rolled his eyes, while Sierra voluntarily let go of Cody and started to say hello to the others, but she had, some would swear, a magnetic pull back to Cody, because eyes and body kept drifting back in the direction of him no matter how far she left. As she asked everyone questions, she had a few specific things to say.
"Trent says hi, and that he misses you," Sierra said to Gwen, patting the goth girl on the shoulder. "Just wanted to make sure you knew that!"
Sierra went to others to tell others had missed them, while Chris tried to cover this up because it was nice and touching. The uber-fan was undeterred as she delivered messages to Courtney (Duncan), Izzy (distraught Owen), Yoshi (Daisy), Leshawna (Jasmine), Sadie (Katie), and Justin (Beth). Finally the host calmed her down in a way that was not very conventional.
"When I asked for a paper bag," Sierra cried out, muffled as her head was now enveloped by a brown bag, "I didn't want it like this!"
"Be nice and I'll let you take it off," Chris said.
Sierra groaned and then felt around. "Can someone guide me to Cody so I can squeeze him while I'm blind?"
"No, that's okay," Cody insisted.
Lindsay was looking at Sierra closely, as the uber-fan followed the sound of Cody's voice. "Wait, if she's our biggest fan," she asked slowly, trying to make sure she had it all right, "is she, like, really cool?"
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a blonde joke?)
Lindsay - "I think I remember Sierra. Some girl broke into my daddy's mansion, and was looking for my room to get some stuff for a website. I think she made off with one of my swimsuits, and Dad was mad about that, because it meant his security system had been broken through. I miss that bikini."
Cody - "Okay, that girl Sierra, she's okay and all, a little forward." *He chuckles, then looks to the side.* "Okay, a little too forward, I still have marks where she was clinging with me!" *He shows them to the camera.*
Alfred - "That Sierra girl sure is a pistol, isn't she? Kind of reminds me of this one time my buddy Keith wanted to say hello to a celebrity and went to their house to say hello, but she thought Keith was this stalker, and she sent the dogs after him. He got totally mauled, but he did get an autograph as an apology, so it's all cool."
"Aren't there only two hosts for the Bus of Losers?" Sadie asked as she glanced at Alejandro and Sierra. "Who is going to join my team?"
Chris laughed, and clapped his hands. "Well, since you were the losing team-"
"I didn't lose, I beat over twenty-"
"Don't interrupt, losing team! Since you all lost and got last place, you will have to take the most useless person I could think of!"
"Chef Hatchet?" Eva thought.
"You, Chris?" Gwen thought.
"The raccoon!"
The contestants all watched as Chico the Raccoon came scampering out into the arena. "lolz," he shouted to the cheering crowd, "i am in yur contest, winnin yur furst pryzes! i iz totaly seelebreetee nowz! woot, pwned, i am gonna roxors yur boxors!"
"We're doomed," Sadie wailed.
"We're screwed," Eva shouted.
"Couldn't we have the duck instead?" Yoshi asked. "At least he can compete, and we can understand him!"
"Nope," Chris said, grinning evilly, "I wanted to give you losers a loser, so I got the animal that raids your trash can!"
Chico was still pumping his little fists in the air, shouting, "i am teh leet competeetore! leet, i tell yuz!" Groucho the Duck waddled up to him, and saluted him, getting a raccoon salute (it involves wiggling your fingers and bobbing your head like a nutter).
"Okay, Private Chico," Groucho said to him, putting his wings on the raccoon's shoulders, "you are going in there, and you are going to win! Get in that airship, and bomb the hell out of the enemy! Just like in World War I!"
"u meen bombs leik wit rude comments an trolling? lolz, that sunds leik fun!"
"On second thought, just listen to your team leader, and try not to get into trouble."
"okies, Growcho, i will be most epic leik u iz!"
With a departing salute, Chico scampered towards Sadie, while the duck wiped a proud tear away from his eye. "I'm so proud of that young recruit," he sobbed to himself, "he's growing up so fast!"
"can i has cheezburger?" the raccoon excitedly asked Sadie.
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a burger joke?)
Crystal - "Sometimes I wonder how that cute lil' critter learned to speak like that. Maybe he was on the internet a lot?" *She mimes little hands typing at the computer, and makes herself giggle.*
Rodney - "That raccoon reminds me of Gil's possum, which was named Evil. Every time I was near Gil, it would bite me, a lot. Gil had to lock it in a cage or another room or outside for us to actually do stuff without it attacking me. Wanna see the scars?" *He excitedly lifts up his leg and starts to roll down his sock when he loses his balance and crashes.*
Belinda - *She is deep in thought, then glances at the camera and smiles.* "Can you all see coming what I can see coming?"
"Now that we have the teams ready," Chris said, "we shall get you all onto your blimps, and you each will start your own adventure!"
"Wait, 'blimps?'" DJ asked. "There's more than one blimp?"
"Of course! We got a blimp for each team!"
"Six blimps?" Leshawna balked. "That had to be expensive!"
"Yep, but the producers thought it was great, and we advertise at the same time!"
While this seemed fair to a good deal of them, some of them were rather bitter about this information. "Countries are suffering from starvation and disaster," Bridgette muttered, "and these producers go out and rent six blimps!"
"It takes insufferable ego to blow money like that," Yoshi grumbled.
"Why did they even make this stadium," Harold mused bitterly, "if we have to keep leaving it for more expensive contests?"
Chris laughed as he looked up at the blimp, and added, "So let's get going! Someone go get Anita, we're gonna need the little scaredy-cat for this challenge too!"
When they finally managed to coax Anita out of her hiding place, Chris was still going off on her. "Seriously, balloons?" he said with a laugh. "Are you going to be okay here?"
"They're blimps, not party balloons," Anita said, trying to ignore all the stares she was getting from the others.
"But they're big and inflated and huge!"
"And so's your ego, but I don't fear that popping, now do I?"
This earned a lot of laughs and a bitter sulk from Chris, who continued the evacuation of the stadium by loading the teenagers onto a bus (not the Loser Bus) and take them to where blimps go when they actually land. Six blimps, each with different advertisements, were ready, and the teams were loaded up. The only person who was having trouble was Izzy, clinging to Geoff and Arthur.
"Izzy hates flying, remember?" she screamed. "Gonna need a lot of man service to get through this! Argh, I hate flying, whether it's planes or helicopters or blimps!"
Despite this one hysterical contestant, everyone else got into their blimps, and they took off. The view was incredible for all brave enough to look out the window, and they walked around the cabin freely. Chris's voice appeared on the overhead, announcing the contest would begin in five minutes.
(Team 1 - Dirigible - Anita (L), Belinda, Clive, DJ, Rodney, Zachary.)
"There are cameras all over this thing," Anita observed. "Think it's like the train challenge, where we have to be interesting?"
"Or the fan service boat ride?" Zachary asked.
This earned a glare from their leader, who pointed at him and said, "If you try to pull my clothes off again, I swear I'll-"
"No sweat, balloon-hater, I've already got a girl in my mind these days," he said, waving his hands. "Either way, I'm sure Chris wouldn't do the same challenge again."
"What a lovely view," Rodney said, looking out the window. "You all like it?"
"Yes," DJ, very far away from the side, observed, "very nice."
Clive looked at the view, and mused aloud, "I wonder how far you would fall before you blacked out, thus sparing you the millisecond of agony when you hit the ground."
Rodney shuffled away from Clive and hid behind Anita. "He scares me sometimes," he admitted.
"Don't worry, he's just upset about things in general," she assured him.
Belinda stood next to Clive, and said, "Please do not exit the blimp via the window. If you have a ticket, it's just fine."
"I don't have a ticket."
"Then we have a problem," she said and then adopted a German accent, "Dok'tor Jones."
The intercom buzzed, and Chef Hatchet's voice followed. "Okay, people, we are starting your lil' challenge. Are you ready?"
Rodney clapped and glanced over at the others. "I'm really excited! I cannot wait to see what we have to do-"
A compartment in the ceiling, and a body dropped from it with a sickening splat. Rodney shrieked and hid behind DJ, who shrieked and hid behind Anita.
"What," was her reaction with wide eyes, "well… oh, that's… it's Chris."
"He's dead?" Clive asked, looking at the corpse. The skin was leaden gray, the clothes dirty, and Chris had a surprised look on his dead face with his tongue hanging out. "Why is it that the bad ones get rewarded with a quick death?"
"Pretty sure that's fake," Belinda mused. "Either that, or no ticket."
(Team 2 - Zeppelin - Tyler (L), Colin, Courtney, Ezekiel, Leshawna, Noah.)
"This has got to be a fake," Courtney exclaimed. "Chris is not dead, he just sent us off!"
"Let's check to see if he's dead," Colin announced, and then he kicked the corpse (say, that'd be a great name for a rock band).
"That's so gross," Ezekiel shouted, backing away from the kicked corpse. "Doo'nt do that!"
"It's not real, dork," Colin scoffed. "It's rubber."
"What?" Courtney exclaimed, then kicked the fake corpse too. "That jerk Chris scared the heck out of us with that thing falling from the ceiling!"
"You mean you did believe it was him?" Leshawna asked.
"And don't we all wish it was," Noah mused.
Tyler looked around his teammates, and cleared his throat. "Well, now that we've discovered that this is not a real body, what do we do?"
"Wait for more instructions," Courtney said, shrugging. "I mean, I would assume we should, because Chris decided not to tell us what the challenge was beforehand just make things-" THUNK! "-worse!"
"Courtney, please stop kicking the corpse," Tyler pleaded. "It's starting to make me sick."
"Sorry," she said, straightening her hair as she tried to look professional. "Let's just wait then."
"I hate waiting," Colin grumbled. "Waiting is just what people do when they don't have the guts to do something."
"Maybe you could jump from a window," Noah suggested. "That's something."
"Don't make me pound your face, nerd!"
"Don't make me pound your face, jerk," Leshawna retaliated.
Ezekiel walked away and stood next to Courtney and Tyler. "If we're not careful, we'll have another corpse, eh."
(Team 3 - Blimp - Xander (L), Arthur, Geoff, Izzy, Lindsay, Sakaki.)
"So what are we supposed to do about dead Charlie?" Lindsay asked, glancing at the "corpse" before looking away in disgust.
Izzy shrugged, then approached Xander. "Well, big boy," she asked, walking two fingers across his shoulders, "what should we do? Ooo, you have nice shoulders."
"Thanks, Red," he said, giving her a handsome smile that made her giggle. "Well, I think Chef will tell us soon-"
The intercom buzzed again, and Chef's grumbling voice grumbled, "Okay, the package has been delivered on each blimp. Now, teens, your challenge is to discover who murdered our beloved host."
As all six members of Team 3 (and members of the other teams) laughed at the last part, Chef Hatchet continued after chuckling himself. "The truth is, one of you six murdered our host! And you are going to have to find out which one of you did it! You have seven challenges to receive clues as to who could have murdered our host! After you complete a challenge, you get a hint."
"Sounds easy enough," Sakaki said to Lindsay, who nodded. "I mean, we just have-"
Arthur was waving his hands wildly at Sakaki. "No, you fool, don't say those words!"
"W-wh-what words?"
" 'Easy enough'! We all know it becomes many times worse if someone says that!"
Chef Hatchet carried on to say, "None of these are going to be easy, and you cannot progress to the next challenge. Also, the hints are mixed around, so you might want to hold off on premature guessing. Speaking of which, look to the panel nearby where your corpse was delivered."
Geoff, the closest one, walked over to an electronic panel, and he glanced over it. "Wow, dudes, we're all on this! All six of us… hey, is this touch screen?"
"There's a touch screen pad where you can make your guess who the murderer is, but you only get three guesses," Chef said. "If you guess wrong a third time, your team automatically loses. I'd avoid guessing, because the first two teams to be eliminated, or the last two teams to solve their murder, will have to vote someone off here!"
Geoff's finger, hovering over Izzy, immediately pulled back. "Yikes, dude, glad he said that."
Izzy strutted over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Think I'm the killer, handsome? How very sweet of you to think so!"
"Um, Izzy, I'm still seeing Bridgette!"
"Really?" she asked as she let go, staring curiously at him. "Sorry, I honestly had no idea, you couldn't tell from recent events."
Sakaki glanced at the corpse again, and said, "So that's all?" She continued, not seeing Arthur seethe and grab his head in frustration. "We get the clues, guess who it was, and if we're right, we win?"
(Team 4 - Airship - Harold (L), Alejandro, Bridgette, Heather, Justin, Valerie.)
"The first team to guess who their murderer is going to be rewarded with an evening cruise on one of these airship, with a romantic dinner and candlelight and all that jazz. The winners can all pick a date of their choice. Trust me, it'll be nice."
"That sounds wonderful," Harold gushed. "I would love to take Leshawna on a romantic airship ride!"
"I know," Bridgette said, nodding. "Oh, I know who I would take!"
Alejandro walked over next to her, and added, "I think I would too."
Bridgette blushed bright red at this, and dug her foot into the floor. "Oh, you're so sweet! But… but, I do have a boyfriend! I don't think he'd like that."
"You don't think he'd like it?" Alejandro repeated with a smile. "Why, if I was dating you, I would be sure I wouldn't like that!"
As Bridgette giggled, Harold looked suspiciously at Alejandro. "Well," the nerd said, "Alejandro, do you know anything about this challenge, perchance?"
"Sorry, mi amigo, Chris made sure we were in the dark about this challenge when we signed up."
Valerie chuckled and walked over to Alejandro. "Well, you seem as clever as you are handsome, a murder mystery shouldn't be too hard."
"Yes, because after all," Heather said with fake gusto, "it's always the one you least suspect, and thus the nicest one it has to be!"
Alejandro chuckled. "You ladies flatter me."
Justin had found a chair and was sulking in, watching Alejandro with disgust. He pulled out a small hand mirror and stared into it, muttering, "Have I really lost it?"
Bridgette tried to shake off her infatuation and said, "Well, what should we do, Alejandro?"
"I'm not sure what you mean, my dear Bridgette," he said, his handsome smile charming her again. "Though I'm flattered you call upon me for guidance."
As the surfer girl giggled again, and Valerie and Heather tried to get Alejandro's attention for different reasons, Harold was glaring at Alejandro from behind. "He really does seem like a cool guy," he thought as he watched, "but there's something really suspicious about this guy. I cannot put my finger on it, but I don't think he's just harmlessly flirting…"
(Team 5 - Balloon - Mandy (L), Alfred, Carol, Cody, Sebastian, Sierra.)
"So first they dump a corpse on us unceremoniously," Mandy was ranting, "and then they tell us we have to find the murderer? To thank him?"
"Sounds about right," Sierra said. "What do you think, Cody?"
"Mmmph mrrgh, mmmaah!"
Cody's voice was muffled by Sierra pulling him against her chest. Carol came to his assistance and pulled Sierra away, and the geek gasped for air. "Thanks, Carol. Well, I think that it sounds about right, but we need to wait for instructions on the challenges within this challenge."
"Oh, he's so clever," Sierra gushed. "Isn't he clever? See, that's why he always A's in school!"
"Impressive," Alfred said, patting Cody on the back.
"But you get A's too, Alfred, don't be so modest," she continued.
"Whoa, you already know that?"
"I did a bit of research on all the new contestants. But I'm still trying to find out if you really did have a girlfriend back in America…"
"Yes, I said I did," he declared. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
Sebastian was kneeling down next to the corpse, studying over the rim of his glasses. Sierra approached him and asked, "What are you doing, trying to find out how he died?"
"Could be useful, since Chef has suddenly clammed up."
"That's brilliant! I'm gonna go tell Cody it is brilliant, I want to hear him say 'brilliant,' he'll make it so cute."
As Sierra skipped off, Mandy rolled her eyes. "Fan girls," she grumbled. "They're all crazy."
"But you're a cultist," Carol pointed out. "You're like a fan girl of Cthulhu, right?"
"CTHULHUISTS ARE NOT FAN GIRLS," Mandy screamed, startling everyone in the blimp.
Alfred pat her shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Can Cthulhuists have fan boys?"
As Mandy blushed slightly, Sierra giggled and whispered to Cody, "This'll be so great for the trivia section on my website for couplings! I totally support Almandy, don't you, Cody?"
"Um, sure, yeah."
"How do you feel about other couples, like Sebaki or LeXander or… Codierra?"
(Team 6 - Floaty Thingy - Sadie (L), Chico the Raccoon, Crystal, Eva, Gwen, Yoshi.)
"oh wow lolz," Chico said as he examined the fake corpse, "i has gonna hab hard tyme dragin this bak to my nest!"
Yoshi shook his head and watched Chico poke and prod the fake body. Although it was really annoying to him to have a strange animal helping his team, at least he was doing something. Eva was looking at the electronic panel, observing the pictures of the six of them. Sadie and Crystal were engaged in small talk that he couldn't overhear, and Gwen was sitting down and enjoying the sight of a dead Chris.
"Can we actually do something?" Yoshi asked aloud.
"Like what?" asked Sadie, who turned away from Crystal.
"Well, aren't you our leader?"
"Oh, that's right, I am," she said, clapping her hands. "Okay! I declare that we… um, do something!"
Gwen stared blankly at her. "You gotta be more specific than that."
"Do something… um, to find out one of those challenges are!"
The intercom spat out a gob of static, spraying the electric interference around like some digital spit-take. Chef Hatchet's voice came after the gusher of disconnection, saying, "Oh, the instructions for your first challenge are in the vest pocket of Chris's corpse there. When you complete it, the next challenge will be unlocked."
Yoshi rolled his eyes and began to search through the corpse's pockets, stopping to glance at Eva. "You're not going to guess, are you?"
"Well, isn't it obvious it will be the raccoon?" Eva asked. "Chris always goes for that crazy stuff, it'll be the one who cannot possibly do it!"
"Are you really going to risk one of our guesses?"
"Are you our boss, mister?"
"No, Sadie is, ask her!"
As the two glared at each, Sadie nervously said, "Um, let's save the guesses for later, okay? We don't want to risk losing this!"
Yoshi nodded, then pulled a piece of paper folded up in Chris's vest pocket. He read it out loud: "Murder Clue #1: You must observe the course, and determine the cause of death. Announce out loud what you think it was, and, from the observers on our cameras, you will be informed when you are right. You'll get your first clue from the console underneath the electronic pad where your suspects are displayed."
(Janitor's Closet - Was that a bad joke?)
Alejandro - "Hehe, it's all too easy. Chris asked me to help out in this challenge, and to also stir up the drama. He also hinted me that Bridgette and Geoff are having trouble, so it's time for a handsome, understanding man to come onto him, and cause her more drama and trouble. It's so much fun to manipulate nice people like her, they're so gullible." *He laughs and wiggles his eyebrows.* "I can practically smell the bonus promised me when I pull this off."
Geoff - "Man, I just cannot get my head into this game! I need to… I need to tell Bridgette what happened! I cannot keep avoiding her, that sad look on her face is killing me! But if I tell her I voted off her stepbrother and several other nice people, she's gonna kill me!"
Mandy - *sharpening her sacrificial dagger* "Chris's fake corpse was lucky it was already dead, or I would've delighted in sacrificing him to the Old Ones. I despise manipulative people, and this show feels ripe with it!"
Xander - "Well, if I win that romantic airship cruise, I could ask Crystal. I wonder if she would accept, she's been so distant since the last cruise… maybe I'll give the prize to someone else, it feels like a jinx now."
Zachary - "So… why a murder mystery on an airship? Why not just race the things? I cannot see anything wrong with letting us pilot a bunch of zeppelins around! Zeppelins rule!"
The six teams were all put to the test at around the same time, and thus took part in what Belinda called CSI ("Crime Scene's Incredulous").
Team 2 completed first, with Noah's keen eye. He had watched enough murder mystery shows (and looked up how much they got wrong) to know these things, and discovered that the stab wounds in the fake corpse's chest were done with a dull knife, perhaps a butter knife from the kitchen. Team 4 was right behind them, as Harold had about the same kind of knowledge, and deduced that the bludgeon wound on the back of the corpse's head was done by something like a frying pan from the kitchen.
Team 5 came close up with Cody, who, like his fellow nerds, watched and read a lot of murder mysteries. Though he wasn't quite as good as them, Sierra was right next to him, and despite being closer and more groping than he was okay with, she was helpful in helping in deduce that fake, dead Chris had been bludgeoned and than hung.
Team 1 had some trouble, as they all did not want to get near the corpse, until Clive proved to be useful in that he didn't mind so much. He inspected the corpse's chest, and found a couple bullet entries.
Team 3 was a couple minutes behind, as Izzy, the only one brave enough to inspect a dead body (even if it was fake), and she was guessing all kinds of very interesting deaths that sounded like they were more from a violent video game ("And then the killer bisected him with a sword, then cut off his head, then cut his head in two! Or maybe the killer ripped off his arms and beat him to death with them, or turned into a dragon and bit of the top of his body!") It was only when she randomly guessed that the killer used poison because of the foam on his lips, that they were informed she was right.
Team 6 had the most trouble, as they had dissolved into a lot of fighting between Eva and Yoshi, with Gwen taking the warrior's side, and Sadie insisting she could lead and they shouldn't fight. Chico ran around, shouting, "teh host iz dead, long live teh host, though he iz dead and all, lolz!" Crystal was busy studying the body, trying to think of how fake Chris could be killed.
"I think I know," she declared, alerting the attention of her team. "Our dead chap was bludgeoned with a golf club to the temple, to which he fell on a vase and its fragments impaled in his chest, which made him step in a mousetrap, then fall down, and then he was burned to death by a Molotov cocktail!"
A bell rung, signaling they were right. Sadie got over her surprise first and congratulated her. "That was so smart and clever and… and cool! How did you know all that?"
Crystal handed Sadie a small paper. "This was clutched in his hand."
Sadie read it out loud, "I was struck by a golf club, slammed against a vase, stepped on a mousetrap, and then burned to death with a Molotov cocktail. The killer was… blargh, I am dead now."
On all the blimps, they received a paper from a machine underneath the Investigation Personal Under Suspect (the iPud, Chef had explained to all of them). Each of the papers only had one letter, most teams only getting "A," and thus all of them were still confused and in the dark.
"And now," a digital voice from the iPuds said to each team after they took the paper, "your second challenge awaits."
A door was electronically unlocked nearby, opening to reveal a small closet. Crystal approached it first, and said, "Oh. Well. Hmm. Blimey."
"What is it?" Yoshi asked.
Crystal pulled out a hanger. From it was a rather small tube top, colored to look like fur, with a bikini bottom with a long tail of matching color. A headband consisting cat ears of the same "fur" color was hanging around the middle of the hanger, as well as couple gloves that had fake claws at the fingertips.
"It's a cat girl costume, chaps," Crystal said, then held up a paper she found in the closet. "And apparently, from this note, our next challenge is that one of us… has to wear… this!"
"DUN DUN DUN," Chico exclaimed, waving his paws in the air. "lolz, i alwayz wanted 2 doo dats, epic winz!"
(Janitor's Closet - No cat girl costumes in here.)
Chico the Raccoon - *clapping his paws and cheering* "i iz here in yur janyitor clawzet, makin mah confeshuns! an i wanna say, i luvers dis show! wootz!"
Sierra - "OMG, I absolute heart this show! I mean, I know I told you all this when I was on the bus, but it's more fulfilling to be on it! And to be near Cody is the best! But I promised myself I wouldn't lose control around him… have I?"
Clive - "Girls dressed like cats…" *He looks to the side, lets out a deep sigh, then looks at the camera.* "Okay, even I'll admit, that's one reason to be alive, just to see that."
Sakaki - "I… like cats… I don't think I would like to dress as a cat…"
…
Tyler and Rodney - Rodney - "And there was one time when Gil and I were playing video games, and I pecked her on the cheek!"
Tyler - "Classy, dude! But man, the more I learn of this girl Gil, the more wild she sounds. Is your crush here Izzy?"
Rodney - *He blushes and looks down.* "Well, I don't want to say just yet…"
Tyler - "No worries, dude! Now I'm going to help you out, give you a little advice! After all, Lindsay and I were dating by the fourth challenge in TDI, I think I can help you catch the eye of a girl! Maybe even get Gil again?"
Rodney - "That wouldn't be bad, except I don't want to be lit on fire by acid rain again."
Tyler - "Um, what?"
Rodney - "It's really, really complicated, sorry. I'm still not sure how it worked, but thank goodness Gil threw me in the pool, or I might have been hurt!" [3]
Tyler - "Dude, you and I seem to have more in common than I thought."
…
Chris Maclean - *frowning* "Have people confused this show for a dating program? It's competition, darn it! Even that little kid is getting all mushy! I'm glad my dead bodies actually made people freak and fight like they should! And the cat costume? Oh, that'll get some real cat fights going! Haha! Now we're cooking with gas!"
Chef Hatchet - *He enters the room.* "Hey, Chris, can you get out of here? I have some personal business to attend to."
Chris - "Oh, seriously, dude? Are you trying to get disgusting stuff on the air just to get your paycheck? What on Earth are you going to do?"
Chef Hatchet - *He grins evilly, and holds up… no… no… NOOOOOO! IT'S THE BACK SCRATCHER AGAIN! RUN, RUN, CUT TO ANYTHING! ANYTHING!*
…
…
…
So who will be wearing the cat costume on each of the teams? Who will solve the murder mystery first? Who are the murderers?
Will Chef Hatchet ever get his paycheck? Will we have to censor out the confessionals until he stops? Will we be scarred for life?
Will Alejandro manipulate Bridgette and the others on his team for more drama? Will Sierra win over the affections of Cody and ruin the love triangle? And will Chico get some cheezburgers?
And are we asking too many questions?
…
Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (Clues: A.)
Team 2 (Zeppelin) - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (Clues: N.)
Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (Clues: A.)
Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (Clues: R.)
Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (Clues: A.)
Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (Clues: A.)
…
Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Barren, except for the horrendous scars deep down of what it saw Chef Hatchet do.
…
[1] - Rodney and Chris's slurred ramblings upon being struck on the head are lyrics for a song called "Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot" by Caramba. Seriously, I'm not making this up, you have to hear this song, it's the craziest thing you'll have ever heard!
[2] - Anita's phobia for party balloons might be the same as someone I know very well… and you make fun of it, I will punish you all by refusing to update this story! What do you think of that, huh? Don't make fun of people's phobias!
[3] - Rodney's crush from home is based off Cid-Vicious's character Gil. If you haven't heard of him, he does incredible artwork on Deviant Art, and he does my characters too, including a comic! After a couple comments exchanged, joking about Rodney going out with the young and also brilliant Gil, the very odd crossover pairing took off! Cid's just so awesome, I updated this chapter for him in honor of Gil! Now go review and favorite his awesome work!
…
Next Up - Cats go bonzai while stuffing their face for good or bad.