100 encore, day 79: "ice cream & sweet dreams (forward)" (mimb)

themoonorchid asked for the date part 2…and since really interesting details of it would not leave me alone (the ice cream, the bedtime….Ironically not the t-shirt) I had to do it asap. I deliberately rushed the end of part 1 and might have lied about how quick Chloe gets to bed. Even now as I write this intro I'm not exactly sure how much I lied.

100 Encore, Day 79: "Ice Cream & Sweet Dreams (Forward)" (MIMB)

"I here, I here," Chloe came around the corner and burst into giggles, unable to take it anymore.

"You should not be awake right now, little girl," Jackson scooped her up, heading right to her bedroom.

"But I heared you voice-ies. And my tummy hurts…and you hafta read a book."

"Aunt Amelia read you a book. And I know she does voices better than me, so don't even say she doesn't."

"I not," Chloe shrugged her shoulders innocently, looking at her mom over her dad's shoulder. "But you didn't read one."

"Chloe April, it is nine o' clock at night. I don't know what games you think you're playing but…"

"Not a game, daddy! Read a book," Chloe corrected, once her pulled back the covers and put her in bed again.

"Well talk about your tummy first, were you lying or does it hurt?" April would always check the tummy, no matter that Jackson had always been right.

"Jus' sayed it fer you to not be mad, mama!"

"You shouldn't lie, Chlo. Especially not to dad and me. There is nothing in the world you can do that we won't forgive you for! You are the person we love the most, you understand?" April kissed her daughter's cheek.

"Yeah, I sorry. No hurtin'. I jus' wanned you to cover me. And daddy. So I comed when I hearded you 'cause I not asleeping. Please we all read agether?"

They were trying to get better about it, but putting Chloe to bed was still usually a solo thing lately. Mostly because they both worked. It had always been that way, even before the affair. But when they did do the bedtime routine together as a family Chloe always loved it.

April sighed. "Alright, one book. A fast one dad….like a Dr. Seuss or whatever. You know, they rhyme Not rainbow fish or…" He nodded.

"Mouse A Cookie daddy! We knows dat one fast foward!"

It was true. The book was Chloe's favorite. Jackson and April didn't understand why at all. It bored them, but besides that since the therapy session they both cringed a little bit when she asked for it.

But they were alone reading it at bedtime, they powered through it. Jackson and Chlo played a really silly game where he tried to read it as fast as he could. Of course it was the book she wanted to read right now, after the date had gone so well.

It killed her that a children's book could affect her so much, but April knew she couldn't participate in this story time tonight. Even before telling Jackson the story, it was difficult for her to read the book to Choe. She'd start and then a picture would flash into her mind. Jackson drinking, Jackson whispering into a faceless girl's ear, that grin that he gets on his face when he's up to mischief.

One time she was so close to tears that she had to stop and give hugs and Chloe had to help her finish. It was her fault, though. She was determined to do what she had to do to end the night with Jackson on a positive note.

"I'm actually really tired from play time with dad, worm! I'm gonna get ready for bed." She winked at Jackson, but he didn't trust it, didn't know what it meant.

"Ok, you sure?" he squeezed her hand and his forehead wrinkled in concern.

"Yeah. You guys better read that super fast forward because it's so late and she isn't in trouble but…Chlo better get to bed soon."

"OK, mama," Chloe sighed. If it were just regular bedtime she would've tried to put up more of a fight. Her mom and dad were being nicer to each other. But she missed when her dad would make her mom laugh so hard at story time that they could barely finish reading. They'd been doing family dinners again for awhile, but daddy didn't reach across the table to feed mommy the same food that was on her own plate anymore, just to be silly; and the three-year old was confused as to why the meals even had a name. Why wasn't it just dinner?

"Maybe we can pick a new story?" Jackson asked. One last attempt to figure this out. But they had never done something as ridiculous as that before. Chloe shouldn't be punished for having a favorite book.

"No, don't be silly daddy. I'll see you in bed, I want cuddles."

"Hey babe, she's down." Jackson grimaced when he entered the room, guilty. "Sorry…"

"It's just a book, Jackson. Don't be sorry."

"It's not just a book though."

"It is, babe. It's any book."

"Any book makes you feel that? What happened in there?" He had an idea, but he wanted to talk about it. Tonight he felt like they had taken a major step forward. He didn't want that to be erased. They had to talk.

"No, not any book," April chuckled sarcastically. "That silly book that makes our worm laugh so much every time we read it."

"Can you just tell me what happens, please?"

"No, I just needed a break. I gave myself one." She pulled back the covers. "And I stole my t-shirt back," she grinned.

"Oh really? You're chairman of the board at Grey-Sloan, huh?" Jackson smirked, undressing and joining his wife in bed to cuddle. Just that she was wearing that shirt was enough for him. She used to make him wear it before an overnight so that when she wore it the next night, she felt like he was there with her.

When he packed to leave, he put it on the bed. But the next time she saw him, she threw it at him and told him to burn it.

"You kept it safe." She kissed his bare shoulder.

"I wore it before overnights." Jackson was not romantic in the traditional sense. But he had a weird way of making mundane things like t-shirts and turkey sandwiches mean the most.

"Every one?"

"Yeah…" he did the closest thing an Avery could to blush. "April, I…"

She cut him off with a kiss. "We weren't supposed to talk this much."

She was tired of hearing about how sorry he was for the cheating, that the cheating was a mistake, the cheating, the cheating, the cheating. The talking with the random stripper, the drinking with the random stripper, the sex with the random stripper named Monica. Who he used to date, who he ran into on the night he found out his father had died. His father whom April knew nothing about, who Monica had met. The sex with Monica who met her husband's father; who he turned to for comfort while she read their daughter her favorite bedtime story.

The story Jackson was reading Chloe while April got dressed for bed. She'd stared at her lingerie for too long, trying to decide what to wear. She had no expectations. They'd been through a miscarriage since he cheated; this wasn't the first time they would be intimate. But tonight was really the first night anything felt real. They might not go all the way, but she still wanted to look perfect, and in the moment she was trying not to let the mouse and his damn cookie ruin anything. Then she opened Jackson's drawer and saw it.

He was tracing random shapes on her belly like he used to do before. But he'd never moved so slowly and carefully. April's mind had been moving too fast to notice.

"Stop. Please…I thought maybe…but I'm just not ready…" she said, right before the shirt went over her head.

"OK." He instantly got up and walked out of the bedroom, and April panicked.

They'd made a promise, once upon a time in the middle of a fight. These Averys didn't leave. They would be different. April didn't know at the time just how much that meant to Jackson, how many times he'd been left. But through everything, they'd both essentially kept their word. He had just gotten up from the bed. But for some reason April felt left.

"Jackson, don't…" she ran into the kitchen, fiercely whispering.

He whirled around when she stormed into the kitchen, a deer in headlights. "April! What? Calm down, I'm not tired and I remembered the dessert." He waved the pint of strawberry ice cream in front of her face.

"Oh I…I'm just gonna," she gestured awkwardly down the hallway and headed back to bed.

"What was that, babe?" Jackson asked a few minutes later when they were settled.

She shrugged. "Dunno, really. I thought you were mad."

"Because you kissed me on our first date?"

April sighed, accepting his kiss. "I wanna be ready again soon. But now that I know everything, whenever you touch me, I go inside my head and…I don't want to talk about it right now."

"OK, well, anything I can do just…"

"Hey, I was thinking…for Chlo…and us really…I need to…we need to move soon, OK?"

"Are you sure, April?"

She nodded. "And I know tonight I didn't want to…but we gotta talk about that baby we've really never stopped trying for."

"OK….but house first…we've got work to do on us. It's hard enough for Chloe and…"

"I agree…I just can't sit in this apartment and think in circles. We need goals."

"OK."

"But I love you, I love you so much." She fed him a spoonful of ice cream.

"Not so too much?"

"Never," she promised.