Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. Those of you who don't pay attention to common sense will be on Santa's Naughty List.

The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - This was a long time coming, eh? I had to do it before the new year at least! Well, like I said, I am working much more on my novel than this, but I haven't forgot you all!

Also, please don't message me about Total Drama Revenge, I know too much already. Trust me, I am capable of finding things out for myself. EXCEPT HOW TO FIX MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON. ALSO, NEW POLL!

…

Chapter 46 - RV is Just an Abbreviation for ReVenge! We're Not Sure Why, It Just Is.

…

…

…

(Maclean Stadium.)

It was the night before Challenge 14, the one all spoiled for you…

The contestants were sleeping, someone gassed the rooms at 2…

Interns carried them out onto the field, grasping hands like an eagle…

Tell me, how on Earth is all of this not illegal?

Gwen was the first to wake up, sitting up with a start when she realized where she was. The arena of the stadium, in her nightie, with all her fellow contestants around her in different variations of sleep and night wear. At first, she thought, it was a dream, but her head and lungs hurt, from the sleeping gas that had been poured into her room.

The antidote gas was being sprayed over all of them by Chef Hatchet and Billy, while Groucho and Chico stood nearby, watching over their human friends anxiously. Chris Maclean stood nearby, impatiently waiting for everyone to wake up. All of them were wearing gas masks, which seemed especially concerning to Gwen.

"What's the big idea?" she shouted as she stood up, waking a great many of the others with her yelling. "Did you gas our rooms and then drag us out here? How do you get away with this?"

"Calm down, Gwen," Chris said as he removed his gas mask.

"Oh, keep it down," Noah mumbled, half-asleep. "I have to humiliate myself early morning."

"I am not going to calm down," Gwen continued to holler. "I'm sick of this, I really am! You cannot do whatever you want with us just because you feel like it!"

She advanced on the host, nails out and fury like a raging goth girl, and she only stopped because Leshawna and Bridgette managed to wake up enough to restrain her from giving Chris the mauling he deserved.

"Will someone calm down the weird goth girl?" Heather shouted as she rose. "Some of us have got work in the morning!"

"I left a wake-up call for 7 AM," Lindsay mumbled as she rubbed her eyes. "I need extra time to prepare my make-up, you know?"

Chris sighed as everyone rose, and then put on his greatest grin. "Good to see you all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Are we ready to begin now?"

"Not really," Alfred said, pointing down at Belinda. The clairvoyant was still snuggled up on the ground, blissfully asleep.

"What's the meaning of this?" Gwen cried out as Bridgette and Leshawna held her back. "You woke us up in the middle of the night for a challenge? We need to sleep, damn it, why don't you give one night, one freaking night, to just sleep?"

"Gwen sweetie," Leshawna said over her ranting, "you're not going to convince him of anything like this!"

"You're not solving anything," Bridgette exclaimed, "you're just making him happier that you're mad."

"I just want to yell," Gwen admitted, sinking in her friends' arms. "I haven't had one good night's sleep since I got here, why do you think I'm so cranky?"

Chris shrugged and smiled unkindly. "That time of the month? Hard to tell with you."

As Gwen once again tried to blitz towards Chris and claw his face off (Leshawna and Bridgette didn't know why at this point they were holding her back), the host walked onto the platform, waving to all of them. "So, once we wake up Belinda, we can start our challenge: the Midnight Pillow Fight!"

"I haven't done one of those in ages," Sadie exclaimed joyfully, looking over at Zachary. "Have you ever had a sleep-over with a huge pillow fight."

"Can't… say that I have," Zachary admitted.

Most of the girls began to share stories of their big sleep-overs and subsequent pillow fights late at night, while the boys stood around awkwardly or listening intensively (Alfred was hoping some of the pillow fights had dissolved into make-out sessions, but that was all in his fantasies).

"I didn't have pillow fights and sleep-overs," Courtney said to no one in particular. "I led a much more mature life style than that."

"Ugh, that's so girly, it makes me retch," Eva said. "I've only been in real fights!"

"Zzz," Belinda snoozed.

Chef Hatchet and Billy were in charge of waking her up, but something about her kept her in dream land. Shaking her shoulders, air horn, calling her name, and splashing cold water in her face did nothing, not a thing, so Chris just ruled her out of the contest.

"Now Chef Hatchet and intern are going to show you how this contest goes," Chris said, "because you should all know, the top winners are going to be captains in the next challenge, and also take first pick at some special guest stars we are going to have!"

This intrigued a great deal of the contestants, but those most skeptical (Gwen, Courtney, Noah, Harold, even sleeping Belinda) all didn't believe Chris was being fully honest. Past events taught them that such a thing was as rare as a four-leaf clover, and nowhere near as fulfilling to experience.

"Chef, intern, if you please."

"My name is Billy," Billy grumbled as he and Chef Hatchet approached each other. The two had discarded their gas masks, and were now holding large, pink pillows.

"These two have what I like to call Sleepy Time pillows," Chris explained to the contestants. "These pillows are all over the arena, and they have been covered with a dusty substance much like the gas that knocked you all out when you were asleep so we could drag your heavy butts out here!"

"I don't know how this isn't illegal," Gwen muttered again.

"The goal here," Chris said, "is that you all are going to try to grab some pillows, and smack anyone you can in the face! Like this, if you would, Chef!"

Chef Hatchet nodded, and smacked Billy in the face with a pillow. Pink dust seemed to explode from the pillow, and the intern was knocked back. He yawned deeply, looking sleepy-eyed already. Chef followed up by bopping him on the head with a pillow, and the sleepy dust knocked out Billy, who snored loudly on the arena floor.

"That simple," Chris finished. "Any questions?"

"Yeah, I got one," Gwen shouted.

"Any questions besides from the weird goth girl?"

Once again, Leshawna and Bridgette were holding back Gwen as the others all raised their hands. Only Heather got her question answered. "You just woke us all up, this contest will be over in a few seconds! Why do it this way most of us are dead on our feet?"

"That's a very good question, and I have a plan for that! Chef, the hose!"

"No," most of the contestants shrieked as Chef started to pull a hose from the wall of the arena. "Not cold water!" They all bolted in different directions.

Chef shook his head as everyone was too far away for him to spray. "I think they're awake enough!"

"Fine, bunch of cowards!" Chris exclaimed. "Let the contest begi-"

He was interrupted by a pillow to the face, and not a very gentle one. Chris only had time to blink to see a pale, angry goth girl hammering one of those Sleepy Time pillows in his face. After one very strong swing, Gwen knocked Chris off the platform, crashing head-first on the arena floor and asleep before impact. She heaved as she shook her head, and muttered, "Oh, that felt so good."

"Nice shot, soldier," Groucho the Duck called out to her.

"2 poynts, lolz," Chico the Raccoon added.

Chef Hatchet chuckled as he stepped onto the platform. "Not bad, girl. Now git outta here before I knock you off!"

The Sleepy Time pillow war was in full rampage already, teenagers scrambling to get those special cushions of the bed before others could, then chasing after others with incredible fury and bravery in their hearts. Though trying to bash someone with a pillow like if you were William Wallace first on the battlefield seemed rather bonkers, it wasn't the strangest thing most of them had done.

Zachary and Yoshi were dueling with pillows, shouting insults at each other. Heather was battling Valerie, Ezekiel watching in terror as his girlfriend looked ready to draw blood with a pillow (he didn't know how, he just felt she could). Courtney went after Gwen, shrieking a battle cry as the goth girl was determined to continue her rampage.

While a great deal of them were chasing or fighting, some of them were content with running from the shrieking pillow fighters. DJ was huddled up in a corner until Xander mercifully puffed a pillow over him until he fell asleep. Rodney was running from Izzy, gripping his helmet in terror. Sakaki was hiding behind Sebastian in utter horror, but when she clenched a pillow close to her chest, she breathed in the sleep dust and went unconscious.

Sebastian tried to get her comfortable, as he couldn't bear the thought that she would wake up cramped, when he was slammed in the face rather harshly with a pillow. Colin, laughing like a madman, smacked him again, knocking off his glasses. Almost blind, drowsy, and dazed, Sebastian stood no chance and was promptly knocked asleep.

Colin was about to stomp on Sebastian's glasses when Anita drove him away, trying to stop him him from attacking those asleep. She managed to chase him down until Eva stood in the way.

"Hey, bimbo," Eva shouted, pointing at her, "we have a score to settle!"

"Fine by me, she-male," Anita hollered back, holding up her pillow. "I'm sick to death of you attacking me all the time, it's time I stood up to you."

"Let's see if you can back yourself up!"

"I'm not afraid of you!"

The two swung at each other, hard and fast, until a big pink cloud of sleep dust appeared around them. Rodney and Izzy ran through it, the former more so underneath the cloud. When it settled, there was Anita, Eva, and Izzy all in a pile, fast asleep. Alfred looked over at this, and his fantasies went into overdrive again.

"Inspiration," he shouted for reasons only known to him. He charged around the battlefield, and nailed Noah in the face with his pillow. The cynic wobbled as Alfred went after the person he had been dueling, Crystal, and walloped her too.

"Oh, bloody heck," the British romantic cried as she fell back. "I was just trying to help Noah with his relationship with… *yawn*… Katie!"

"That's something I wanted to ask you too," Alfred said as Noah fell down behind him, fast asleep. "Mandy seems interested in me, but I am afraid I may be pushing it too hard. Would now be a good time to give some space?"

"I don't think so, you should continue pursuit, or she'll think you gave up at this point."

"Aw, thank you, you're so nice!"

"No problem, sweetie."

Alfred used her own pillow to knock her out, and then went on the rampage again.

Bridgette was chasing after Geoff, shouting, "Please talk to me! I cannot stand this! You cannot avoid me forever!"

She was suddenly stopped when Colin tripped. Landing painfully, she struggled to get up, but Colin stepped on her. "Haha, get a clue, you stupid surfer," he said with a snort. "He doesn't want you anymore!"

"You don't know anything!"

"I know that someone like you is about as interesting as spit," Colin said with a cruel laugh. With an idea in his head, he started to hock up, but was knocked off of her by someone.

"Get away from her," Harold shouted in his gruffest (and rather silly) voice, pointing his pillow at the bully.

"Oh, you think you're a big guy, dork?" Colin said back with a sneer. "I am going to snap you in half."

"Bridgette, get out of here, I'll take care of him."

Bridgette barely managed to say thank you to Harold, wanting to but he was in his warrior mode, in which nothing mattered anymore but his opponent. She'd thank him later, and started to hurry off. She was stopped when Arthur slapped his pillow in her face a few yards away, knocking her out.

"Sorry about that," he said, then turned to face the one approaching him, Leshawna. She was mad at him for knocking out Bridgette, and came at him in full-force.

"How could you do that to her?" Leshawna shouted, swinging a pillow at him like a sledgehammer.

"Jeez, it's part of the game, it's not like I hurt her!"

As he fought for his life, they passed by Courtney and Gwen, who were starting to becoming exhausted as well as tired. Gwen parried a blow and tried to thrust her pillow in Courtney's face, but the CIT managed to go underhand and hit the goth girl in the chin with her pillow. Gwen took a deep whiff of the sleeping gas, and fell asleep.

"Now stay away from my boyfriend," Courtney snapped at her sleeping opponent. "He's coming over to visit tomorrow, I don't want to see you around when he is!"

"Seems better," Rodney said as he approached Courtney, "to tell her something before you knock her out, Miss Courtney."

"I couldn't tell her when we were fighting, it would have thrown me off!"

"But then, how is she going to know-"

He was cut off as Geoff, still running from what he thought was Bridgette chasing him, but it was really Sadie, coming at them. The party animal rammed into Courtney accidentally, sending her on Rodney. Geoff stumbled, and took a pillow to the face by Sadie.

"Oh yeah," Sadie exclaimed. "I am the mistress of pillow fighting! This one's for you, Katie!"

She continued to swat Geoff's face with her pillow, while Courtney struggled to get off Rodney. She had accidentally pushed her pillow against the prodigy's face, and he was asleep by the time she stood up. The CIT was horrified at what she had accidentally done, and whirled on Sadie, who was finishing Geoff.

"How dare you," she shouted at Sadie.

"Aha, another challenger for the pillow mistress," Sadie bellowed as Geoff fell down and snoozed away. "I will vanquish thee!"

"You are way too into this!"

Sadie and Courtney came to blows, while more chaos erupted around them. Tyler and Mandy were fighting each other, shouting all kinds of weird expressions at each other ("I swear by Abhoth, I will destroy you!" "I'm gonna beat you like a glove punching another gloved hand!" "May Tsathoggua take you!").

Lindsay was scared to fight, and was swinging a pillow in front of her while not able to look. Clive had taken the challenge, and was now half-hearted swinging his pillow at hers, making pathetic little impacts.

Heather and Valerie were exhausted and barely able to swing their pillows, glaring each other down. As they both raised their weapons for one final blow, Alfred whizzed by and smacked them both in the face with his pillow, knocking them both out at long last. Ezekiel was upset by this and chased after Alfred, but couldn't keep up.

Xander and Cody were attacking each other, but Cody was a little more than just distracted. "Dude," he said, "you know a lot about girls, right?"

"I like to think I do."

"Did you ever have to choose between two girls?"

"Oh, once."

"Really? What did you do?"

Xander stopped swinging, and placed his hand on Cody's shoulder. "Dude, you're a cool guy, and I like you. I can tell you're trying to make a choice, you even ditched that Code-miester attitude you had. So I think when we wake up later today, you should give it some good, long thought."

"You think I should make this choice tomorrow? Or, really, later today?"

"This really cannot drag out any longer, Eva and Anita are both very strong women who are struggling to keep their own pride. You shouldn't put them through this any longer."

Cody took a deep breath, and exhaled as he pondered this out. "You know what? You're right, dude. Thank you so much."

"No problem, man."

They shook hands, and went back to fighting with pillows. This continued until Cody managed to disarm Xander with a lucky blow, and then knock him out with a couple more swings. "Oh yeah, I still got it," Cody congratulated himself.

Yoshi had finished off Zachary, with the whiner whining the whole way. The warrior went off and attacked Tyler from behind, apologizing for the lack of honor as the jock passed out. Mandy, already very woozy, was taken down with a simple pressing of the pillow to her face.

Ezekiel, still trying to chase down Alfred, collided into Leshawna from behind accidentally. As he struggled to stand up, Arthur stood over both of them and swung down his pillow. "Sorry about this," he said as he took out Leshawna. "Sorry about that," he added as he finished Ezekiel.

Alfred at the time was racing by Lindsay and Clive, and clotheslined the emo with his pillow, knocking him off his feet and sending him skidding several feet. "Oh wow," Clive muttered as he saw dust-sprinkling stars. "And to think I was worried this show would take my dignity… no no, it had to fully rob it from me… not that I had much to begin life. Stupid life."

As he passed out, Yoshi advanced on Cody, and easily defeated the geek with a good swipe of his pillow at his face. A deep inhale knocked out Cody, and Yoshi took a moment to recover. Arthur hit him in the back of the head with a pillow, knocking him out.

"Oh well," Yoshi thought before he drifted off, "I deserve this, for attacking others from behind!"

Chef Hatchet looked around the battle field, counting all those still standing. When Courtney managed to hit Sadie in the face with her pillow, making her drowsy and then asleep after a few more strikes, he chuckled. Holding up a bullhorn, he exclaimed, "Okay, only six of you little brats left! That means you all are going to be leaders, but we need placing! Get going!"

Colin was literally going, running from Harold who was swinging around two pillows in his arms like some kind of numchuck attack. The bully fled in a rush, knocking over Courtney and Arthur in the process. He stopped in front of Lindsay, who was still fretting over what she was going to do.

"Hey," he said, laughing as he pointed at her chest, "do me a favor and hit me with your own pillows, blonde!"

Lindsay blanched at what he was implying; she may be slow and not the brightest, but she could catch direct innuendos about her breasts. With a shriek of, "Ew," she swung her pillow underhanded, knocking Colin off his feet and sending him soaring into the air, crashing in the stands. More specifically, inside a trash can full of discarded and now sour food from last night.

"Nice shot, m'lady," Harold said, awed and respecting.

"Aw, thank you," she cooed, grinning at him. "I don't care who someone is, they don't get to disrespect my pillows! … I mean chest."

Courtney, woozy from the brushing knock-down, stood up; however, a pillow hit her in the face, knocking her back and then out when it was pushed against her face. Arthur pulled it away when she was deep in dream land, muttering, "Sorry about that."

He turned to Harold and Lindsay, and held up his pillow. "All right, who is next?" he asked menacingly, holding up that awkward weapon. "I apologize in the future for-"

Harold threw one of his pillows at him, and Arthur was too busy thinking of a badass speech to dodge it. With a pink cloud of sleepy dust going "POOF" in his face, he only had time to blink and mutter, "Nice shot," before collapsing.

Lindsay marveled at Harold, then realized he was now alone with her, and she was in no way able this incredibly skilled nerd. She dropped her pillow in worry, and tried hard to think, which really wasn't one of Lindsay's subjects.

However, something in her mind reminded her of something Harold liked a lot, even more than victory itself. It would cost her some pride, it would cost her some dignity, but she figured since everyone else was asleep, it was better than being ninja-samurai-kung fu knocked down by a pillow-wielding nerd.

Lindsay rushed towards Harold, who was caught off-guard by the unarmed blonde heading for him. She grabbed his head and pulled his face into her cleavage, keeping him there.

"I hope that creepy Cobra guy was right," she muttered as she held the struggling Harold, "maybe my chest have sleepy powers."

This was the first time Harold had ever been this close to a girl before, and for someone who fantasized as much as any other nerd would about being wedged in an attractive girl's bosom, this was about as good as it got. Harold, overwhelmed, swooned and collapsed in Lindsay's arms, until she let go. He had the happiest look on his blushing face, and dream land was a rather joyful place to be right now.

"That actually worked?" Lindsay exclaimed. "Holy cheeseburgers, I might be onto something! My boobs really do have special powers!"

"Wow…"

She turned to see Alfred, jaw dropped and nose bleeding from arousal. The gonzo wiped away the crimson trickle with his sleeve, and then grinned. "I knew it! I knew if I fantasized hard enough, something like this would happen!"

"No, no I cannot do it again!" Lindsay exclaimed, backing away. "It's only because I know Harry-"

"Harold, I think it is."

"Harold, that's right! And he's a really nice guy! But I have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and I cannot resort to shoving all my problems in my cleavage!"

"Aw, just one more time?"

"No!"

Alfred sulked. "Man, nerds get all the good stuff! It's been so long since my last girlfriend let me get shoved in her cleavage!"

"You had a girlfriend?"

"Why doesn't anyone believe me on that?"

As Lindsay continued to stare at him incredulously, Alfred pouted and decided to end it. He held up his Sleepy Time pillow, and she shrieked and ran. About twenty minutes of screaming, shouting, fleeing, and chasing followed, temporarily stopped when they held a five minute break to catch their breath and talk.

"I like it when boys look at me, but I also want respect, you know?"

"Oh, I know!"

"It just doesn't seem right, to be gawked at like that at times."

"Oh, I know."

"Still, it is fun to do those stunts, and I am kind of known for it, being Alfred the Gonzo."

"Oh, I know!"

Eventually, Alfred was chasing Lindsay when he tackled her, knocking her down and then pushing his Sleepy Time pillow to her face. She passed out, snoozing adorably.

Alfred leapt up into the air, swinging his pillow around and cheering loudly. "I did it! Out of thirty-one people, I beat them all! Haha, I rule! I totally rule!"

"Congrats, maggot," Chef Hatchet said. "Now we're gonna have to cart these snoring punks back their rooms, so you need to be asleep too. So if you could-"

He was answered by a pillow to his face, thrown by the gonzo. Chef Hatchet wobbled and then fell off the stage, landing headfirst. A pained cry signaled his knock-out more so than the Sleepy Time pillow. Alfred winced at having caused that, hoping the large man would forget it was him who had done that.

"Well, that could have gone a little better," he said to himself. He looked out to all the sleeping people, and let out another small cheer. "I am so the man! I'm heading to the cafeteria, anyone want anything?"

"I will go with you, my fine recruit," Groucho the Duck said, waddling over to him.

"ooo, i can has cheezburger?" Chico the Raccoon asked.

"Certainly," Belinda said as she sat up.

The two animals and one gonzo balked at her as she soothed out her hair, and smiled at them. "What? I knew I wouldn't win, and I didn't see any point in humiliating myself."

(Janitor's Closet - Don't sleep, just dance!)

Belinda - "It was a calculated risk to pretend being asleep, but I knew that Chris wouldn't bother with me when he had thirty other victims who react better. Sadly for him, Gwen is tolerating his crap less and less. It's really going to come down to what will resolve first: Gwen's issues or Chris's ego.

"Sadly, there is little to damper Chris's ego, so long as he is treated like an A-list celebrity on the basis of making things harder on us."

Eva - "Okay, that pillow fight was kind of fun, I wish we could do it again… but only for the sake of fighting! I'm sick of being so girly, I have a reputation to keep! And…" *She sulks and looks away from the camera.* "And I don't know if I will like myself if I become too girly… this season has really made a wuss out of me!"

Anita - "I don't know exactly what's going to happen with Cody, Eva, and myself. What's worse is that I don't know how I can continue to be like this, I'm not normally like this! I'm a nice girl, I get along with others, but ever since I joined this show, it's just been a war with Eva! I don't know how much longer I can cope with it…"

Crystal - *She taps her chin, then grins at the camera.* "Methinks it is time to resolve this love triangle once and for all, don't you, old chaps?"

(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)

About six hours later, everyone was rudely woken up by a loud buzzer that went off in all their rooms. Like zombies that had been reincarnated, the contestants shambled to the cafeteria, only to see Alfred having a small party with Groucho and Chico.

"SODA POP, YAY!" the three exclaimed, dancing around in a circle on the table. Chico was waving a half-eaten cheeseburger, Groucho was wearing a lampshade on his head, and Alfred was air guitar jamming. He waved at all the approaching contestants, who glared at him for having the audacity to be this cheery after their second rude awakening.

"Oh, I love R&R," Groucho said as he pulled off his lampshade. He put his helmet back on, and said, "I'm going to retire for a nap, wake me in 0900 hours."

Chico blinked, did a little math, and asked incredulously, "so en, leik, 36 days?"

Alfred laughed as he sat down next to Sebastian and Yoshi, his two best friends, and poured them a glass of soda pop. As the two thanked him, Alfred laughed it off, then promptly fell asleep in his breakfast.

Anita and Eva saw each other heading in the same direction, both glaring at each other. When they arrived at Cody's usual place, they were surprised to see Crystal sitting there. The British romantic motioned for them to give her and Cody a couple more minutes, then she approached the two.

"I have to humbly request you two," she said, "to give Cody some space. He is going to think long and hard, and decide tonight who he wants to start dating, because he doesn't want to put you two through any more stress and hardship."

Eva and Anita exchanged glances, and to the fitness buff's surprise, the bombshell sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," she said, admitting, "the whole competition thing is starting to kill me."

"Yeah, I am so losing track of my focus and what not," Eva grumbled. "Well, you heard her, let's give him some space!"

"I can if you can," Anita retorted. She looked over at Crystal, and asked, "Is this going to be public knowledge?"

"No, no one else needs to know Cody will make his final decision tonight."

Sadie was walking by right then, and, very discreetly, repeated, "CODY'S GOING TO MAKE HIS CHOICE ON EVA AND ANITA TONIGHT?"

The whole cafeteria seemed to freeze, all eyes over at the table. Eva and Cody face-palmed, Anita sighed and looked up at the ceiling asking, "Why?" and Crystal bopped Sadie on the head. This didn't daunt the BFF girl, who immediately grabbed Eva's arm. The fitness buff lost her breakfast tray as Sadie pulled her away, saying, "C'mon, we gotta get you ready!"

Anita watched this, making her way to a table alone as she tried to focus on her eating to calm her nerves. She managed to wave at Cody, but was more distracted by all the attention Eva was getting from the others. Her heart was sinking every contestant who was swarming around Eva and hustling her out of the room.

"Sadie, Bridgette, Izzy," she thought glumly, watching her favorite TDI contestants leaving with Eva, "Leshawna, Courtney… even Heather, Mandy, and Lindsay! Man, if all of them want to see Cody with her, what chance do I have?"

She felt despair slip up on her, and hid her face. That's when someone pat her shoulder and said, "What's got you so d'oon, eh?" Anita looked up to see Ezekiel looking down at her, curiously studying her face. "It's the news you've bin waiting fur, right?"

"Everyone's on Eva's side," she moped. "All the girls who I was hoping to be friends with this season… they all want Eva to win this! I've been so distracted by Cody and this love triangle, I didn't even make friends with the other contestants! I'm such a fool…"

"What are you talking a'boot? You've made friends with me," Ezekiel said, then winked at her and jerked his thumb to the side, "and a few other guys who have appreciated all you've said about nerds."

Anita looked over to see Harold, Noah, Rodney, and even Tyler standing there. "You've been really nice to us throughout the series so far," Harold said, "and gosh, we want you to be happy too!"

"Indeed we do, Miss Anita," Rodney chirped.

"I'm here because they apparently think I'm a nerd," Noah said, glancing to the side, "just because I have more headshot kills than any of them in Team Fortress 2."

"But…," Anita stammered, touched but worried, "but all your girlfriends are supporting Eva! Aren't you worried they will be angry?"

"We're ready to take that chance," Tyler said, pounding his chest with his fist. After he was done coughing after that, he added, "You've been too nice to us, and though we're okay with Eva, we think someone as cool as you should get a fellow cool… fellow like Cody!"

"Elegant," Noah said. "Look, are we going to have a nerd make-up montage or something?"

"Indeed we are," Harold exclaimed proudly. "I even have the fitting music for it!"

He held up a tape player, and hit the PLAY button. "She Blinded Me (With Science)" started to play, and he grinned with enthusiasm. "Okay, Anita, are you ready to get geeked up for your geek?"

"I'm ready," she exclaimed, pumping her fists into the air. She and the boys left the cafeteria, leaving it almost empty.

"I really don't get these love triangles," Yoshi muttered, shaking his head as he helped Alfred not drown in his pancake syrup. "Seem to cause a lot of deviation from the focus on the show."

"That's life, dude," Sebastian said. "A man can study a field all his life, but he'll still be a novice the moment he steps into another one."

Sakaki had watched all the girls go, but was far too shy to join them. She sat alone until DJ sat next to her to give her someone to talk to. Zachary, Colin, and Valerie watched all the commotion from afar, thinking all of it was stupid; Colin was also slightly jealous, and grew some burning hatred for Cody.

"What's he got that I don't?" he thought as he watched Cody talking with Crystal and Xander. "I'm far better looking, I'm not a twerp or a geek, and I'm a bad boy! Girls are supposed to love that crap… man, I hate that stupid Cody!"

Arthur nommed on his eggs, glancing out the door the nerds and Anita left. "Hmm, if he doesn't pick her," he said to himself, "I wonder if I have a shot with that super-hottie."

(Janitor's Closet - Don't hate, just dance!)

DJ - "If it is time for Cody to make his decision, I am all for it. Eva is a strong, clever, and confident young lady who really has a lot of strong sides, just needs to work on her attitude. Anita is beautiful both inside and out, and she is charming in her own ways too, just has some self-esteem issues to deal with. I hope both of them will be happy in the long run… I just wish we could all be happy, isn't that possible?"

Clive - "… Life sucks."

Xander - "It's kind of fun, working alongside Crystal in helping get this love triangle done. Maybe when it is settled, she'll be able to focus on herself again. … Oh, who am I kidding? She's never going to look my way that way again." *He sighs and looks to the side.*

"Man, this rejection isn't going well for me. You know, if Eva was blonde, I wouldn't mind a shot at her if Cody picks Anita." *He taps his chin as he thinks of a blond Eva.*

(Some bathroom somewhere in Maclean Stadium.)

"I REFUSE TO WEAR MAKE-UP! I HATE IT! I HATE IT WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL! YOU WILL NEVER, EVER GET ME TO WEAR THAT CRAP IN ALL MY LIFE!"

The bellowing echoed around the bathroom, outside into the hallway, and all the way down the corridors. After the awkward silence that followed, only Bridgette had the courage to speak up.

"That's nice, Izzy, but we're asking Eva."

"Oh! Okay."

"Look, Bridgette," Eva said, holding her hands up in defense, "I feel the same way, all right?"

"Okay, hon, and you know, I'm the same way too! I never wear make-up."

"Then what are we here for?" Gwen asked. "I mean, what do we do if we cannot help her get ready to get Cody's attention?"

"You would know best of anyone how to get Cody's attention," Eva said. "Why don't you tell me?"

Gwen blushed just a little, then shook it off. "Look, I don't know. He's the kind of boy who likes something in women and really goes after that. Like with Beth and myself!"

"I suggest we pump that up then," Mandy exclaimed. "Make her look like the ideal sacrifice!"

"Date," Sadie corrected.

"That too, kind of the same thing, when you think about it."

"I so do not want to think of how you thought of it that way," Courtney snapped. "We just need to get Eva to look more… appealing!"

"Don't think I didn't notice that pause," Eva grumbled. "But what am I going to do? I don't want to wear make-up, I'm not wearing skimpy clothes, what else is there?"

"There's plenty more!" Heather said as she walked up. "Look, this, right here!"

She pointed at Eva's unibrow, and tsk-tsked it. "Seriously, you look like a gorilla."

"Hey!"

"It's true, Eva," Courtney added. "You really need to shave it."

"I like how I look!"

"And you should take some pride in that," Leshawna chimed in. "Come on, girl, Duncan has a unibrow, you want to look like Duncan?"

"You called?"

Duncan was in the doorway, grinning at all the girls. "Oh, hi Courtney," he said, "Yoshi told me you would be here, and-"

"OUT!" the girls shouted, pushing him out. "OUT! OUT! OUT!"

"So, Eva," Bridgette said after the commotion, "you really need to think of yourself more as a woman, not an athlete."

"But… I don't want to lose myself."

"Eva, look at me," the surfer girl said, patting her shoulder. "You are yourself. Everyone changes over time. I changed, Leshawna changed-"

"I changed!" Izzy exclaimed. "And hey, if I can change, you can!"

"How did you change?" Eva grumbled.

"Focus, Eva," Bridgette snapped. "Now tell me, why do you like Cody?"

Eva sighed, not appreciating all the other girls staring at her. When she started talking, she was so quiet only Bridgette could understand her at first. "He likes me. He likes me for who I am, he appreciates my skills and doesn't think I am a freak like other boys. He… recognizes that there is more to me than just muscles, he has told me how nice I look and how clever I am.

"I've never had a boy be so nice to me," she said, loud enough for everyone to hear now. "I don't want to lose that."

After all the "aw"ing and "ooo"ing was done, Bridgette approached Eva with a razor. "Come on, hon," she said to her friend. "You don't need to change yourself entirely, but take a little more pride in how you look."

Eva looked at the razor, felt her hairy unibrow, and sighed. "Well… I really don't want to look like Duncan."

"Allow me," Heather said, taking the razor from Bridgette and stepping up to Eva. "Trust me, I am very good at this. I know how to do this very well, and give you some sexy eyebrows."

"Sexy eyebrows sounds fun," Izzy exclaimed. "It also would make a good name for a punk rock band! If we ever make a band, you wanna call it that, Heather?"

"I'll let you know," Heather said, laughing as she started to trim Eva's eyebrows. She couldn't believe how happy she was, this was something she had always wanted to do: go crazy over looks with other girls and help trim them up.

(Janitor's Closet - Don't shave, just dance!)

Bridgette - "It's utterly amazing how much Heather has changed when she's been dating Ezekiel. I have to say, I rather like her now. She jokes around, she isn't abrasive, she is kind of… sweet!" *She smiles, then sighs and hangs her head.* "Now why couldn't my life become more simple like hers has?"

Izzy - "Heather is an awesome gal pal now! I totally approve of her dating Ezekiel, and here she is giving Eva sexy eyebrows! Ladies and gentlemen, presenting: Sexy Eyebrows!" *She starts to mime a drum solo.*

Heather - *She starts to speak, then sees a poster for Sexy Eyebrows, opening the following day, covering the firework scorch on the wall.* "Wow. Didn't think she was so serious about that. Well, either way, it's nice to be nice, I gotta say. … I still cannot believe I said that, but you know, I kind of like it!"

(In another bathroom of Maclean Stadium)

"First things first," Harold exclaimed as he positioned Anita in front of the mirror. "We need to give you a sexy wardrobe! Those clothes you are wearing, they don't give a good impression!"

"But Harold, I'm not allowed to change them," Anita said. "I have to wear them, it's kind of in my contract."

"Why on Earth did they request that?" Tyler asked. "We didn't get one like that."

"You don't have a movie star body, doofus," Noah commented.

Rodney tapped his chin, and then he suggested, "What if you wore your clothes over those? Technically, you're still wearing those clothes."

"Brilliant," Harold exclaimed. "You can wear all that under your new clothes!"

"I hadn't thought of that," she admitted. "Thank you! But what am I wearing?"

Harold held up a t-shirt that had written across the chest, "I am a Zombie-Killing Master!" He wiggled his eyebrows, and said, "I thought it was fitting, since you helped him survive the Zombie VR!"

"These pants would be a good match!" Tyler said, lifting a pair of jeans with ripped knees. "I mean, it fits the zombie killing motive!"

"I found this hat at the gift store," Ezekiel said, lifting up a cap that had a logo "I Heart Glasses" in symbols. "I think it is supposed to be 'I love nerds,' so that fits, eh."

"My God," Noah muttered, rubbing his forehead, "if it gets any more metro in here, I am changing this show's name to Nerd Eye for the Geek Girl!"

"Well, what are you doing here then, Noah?" Anita asked playfully. "To snark at me?"

"Au contraire, my dear Anita," he said, shaking his finger. "I'm here to tell you how to deal with Cody. And I'm gonna say subtlety does not work on that walking hormone machine."

"Studies do show most teenage boys respond better to direct approaches, as they tend to be single-minded," Rodney added.

"Lil' show-off."

"Huh?"

Anita chuckled as she looked at her suggested clothes. "Should I wear my hair long like Tifa Lockhart, or in a ponytail like Samus Aran?"

"Oh, be still, my heart," Harold feinted swooning and fainting, to be caught by Ezekiel.

"I would go with keeping it long," Ezekiel suggested. "As Eva already has her hair in a ponytail."

"How about pigtails?" she asked as she lifted her hair up in two large pigtails. The boys all burst out laughing, and she joined them.

"Look, Anita," Noah said after the laughter died down, "in all seriousness, you have to realize you are dealing with a boy who when he likes a girl, he won't stop until he gets a clear signal it's okay to go ahead, or there's no chance. You need to realize that if he is leaning to Eva, you have to get his attention to you, and let him know that you are a better match."

"Why do you like him so much, Miss Anita?" Rodney asked. "I mean, I always wondered what he had that I didn't."

Noah face-palmed, and said, "About nine years of age."

Anita chuckled and pat Rodney's head. "I like Cody because he's passionate. He enjoys doing what he loves doing, and he is very open about that. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he is very honorable."

"You mean like when he asked Gwen for a bra?" Noah asked.

"I mean, that when he realized Gwen liked another boy, he helped her get along with him," she responded. "How many boys do that? He is a sweetheart, a clever geek, and just overall someone that you know, deep down, would do anything to make a girl feel special.

"I would like to be that girl. I would also like to be the girl that makes him feel like the happiest boy in the world, because after all he has been through, and how sweet he is, he deserves that.

Tyler burst into tears, and Harold handed him a handkerchief after he was done dabbing his eyes. "You jocks are so emotional," the nerd said with a choked-up voice.

Rodney nodded, and said, "Well, Miss Anita, you think you can get Cody's attention, and let him know you can be that girl?"

"The fact that he hasn't noticed him over Iron Woman is still a wonder to me," Noah said.

"Would it kill you," Ezekiel grumbled, "to compliment someone for once, dude?"

"That was a compliment… kind of. Okay, here's a compliment. Anita, I am more than certain that your knees are going to look good in those pants."

"You funny know-it-all," Anita said, slugging Noah's shoulder playfully.

(Janitor's Closet - Don't slug, just dance!)

Noah - "Seriously, what is wrong with you, Cody? You have a choice between Eva, the temperamental hulk, and Anita, the supermodel-lookalike who digs geeks? She is a fantasy come true, and you are debating this? Seriously, when Katie said she was interested in me to my face, did I hesitate?

"Why am I the one who keeps being mistaken for gay? Sheesh!"

Tyler - *looking at the Sexy Eyebrows poster* "Never heard of that band… I hope they are good! Well, I think Anita has a really good shot at this. I mean, I know all the girls are banking on Eva to win Cody's heart, but seriously, there's something really sweet about a girl who just wants to be the one for a boy! It's so romantic…" *He bursts into tears again and wipes his eyes.*

Harold - "The key to good romance is to compromise, I say. Me, I have compromised to be with my dear Leshawna, and I am happy with that. It takes time, but one day if we have children, I hope she can compromise on letting me pick the names!"

*He chuckles, then blanches and starts panicking.* "Please nobody tell her that Lindsay stuck my face in her cleavage! Her soft, warm cleavage… but don't tell anyone, or Leshawna and all her friends would kill me! But wait, isn't Lindsay one of her friends?"

(Maclean Stadium, Arena)

The crowd roared as the contestants walked onto the field. Most of them waved, some blew kisses, some tried to moon them (but Ezekiel managed to persuade Izzy not to).

As Chris looked over the contestants, he said, "Okay, I know some of you are missing. Where are they?"

"Give us a minute, Chris," Heather said. "The girls and I were putting the final touches on Eva."

"Whoa, what?" Cody asked aloud, astonished. "You didn't manage to make her wear make-up, did you?"

"MAKE-UP?" Izzy roared. "HOW DARE YOU MENTION THAT EVIL SUBSTANCE? I WILL SLAY YOU, I WILL SLAY YOU ALL-"

"That's nice, Izzy," he said as Ezekiel desperately tried to restrain her from thrashing around. "But seriously, she didn't have to do that, I like her the way she is."

"That's sweet, but she just wanted a little help," Leshawna assured him. "Oh, here she is now!"

Eva, with Bridgette walking alongside her, entered the arena. She had her hair brushed very neatly, put into a fashionable ponytail rather than just a stuff-in-the-scrunchie style that Eva normally did. She now had eyebrows instead of a unibrow, and her clothes were more tidy and flattering to her form.

"It's amazing how a few little things," Sadie said with a giggle, "can make all the difference!"

Cody looked at Eva, then smiled. "You look very nice," he said. "I, um, like the change with your eyebrows, they look really nice."

Eva muttered a thanks, looking away she stroked the now bare skin between her eyebrows. It felt a little weird to her, but Cody was staring at her affectionately, and she could get used to that.

"Wait, wait!"

The nerds, Tyler, and Anita were blitzing out onto the arena, all gasping for air as they had run a great distance. She was now all dressed up in her nerd gear, which oddly enough really consisted with a shirt, jacket, jeans, and a hat. "Sorry we are late," she apologized. "We got to talking about Star Trek, and lost track of time."

"Kirk," Harold grumbled towards Noah.

"Picard," Noah snapped back, collapsing on the ground as he heaved for air.

Cody was truly marveling Anita in this look. It looked completely natural to wear nerdy, funny clothing like that. She saw him looking and blushed slightly, realizing she had scored some points with this.

That was ruined with Chris, who loudly protested. "No no no, Anita," he exclaimed. "You are not allowed to do that! You have to wear the clothing we provided for you to wear!"

"I am wearing it," she responded, hiking up her shirt to reveal her tube top underneath. "I have my skirt and leggings on underneath these pants, so I am, technically, not in any violation!"

"Haha, clever," Chris said, smiling and nodding his head. "Very clever indeed! I see what you did there. Oh, and also? No chance."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I said so. Now go get out of those stupid clothes and into your sexy gear!"

"The boys worked so hard to get me these clothes, this isn't right…"

"Go now, or penalties!"

Anita sulked off, hiding her face under her hat. The four boys suddenly found themselves under the angry glares of a lot of females. "You were helping Anita?" Izzy declared.

"They made me do it," Noah shouted, pointing up at the other boys. Tyler winced, Ezekiel swallowed nervously, Rodney hid behind Harold, and Harold shrugged.

"I see it more as a case of helping a fellow nerd," he said to the crowd of contestants, especially the upset girls. "I credit her as a nerd, she knows more about Lost than I do, and thus I help my fellow nerd out!"

"Harold," Leshawna said, shaking her head, "you're so crazy."

"Thank you, my love!"

Valerie scoffed and muttered, "I don't think that's a compliment anymore. When is he going to take a hint? When has he ever?"

"Yeah, this is all ridiculous," Zachary said, loud enough for everyone to hear him. "Those nerds are just helping her because she has large boobs."

"I'm not a nerd," Tyler protested.

"Her what now?" Rodney asked.

"Boobs?" Lindsay shouted in horror. "Who said anything about boobs? No reason to bring up boobs, boobs have nothing to do anything with anyone in this contest, certainly not me and Harold!"

Everyone stared at her as she nervously giggled. Noah chuckled and glanced over at Harold, "The first time she really gets your name right, has to be then, huh?"

Tyler was frowning at Harold, tapping his fingers on his sides. "So what exactly is she talking about?"

Before any questions could be answered, Anita walked back into the arena, dressed only in her sexy clothes again. She sighed in misery as she declared, "Okay, I'm back! Shall we begin the contest?"

"Certainly," Chris declared. "We'll let the problems of you hormonal teens get solved later! For now, we have a challenge to start up! Are you ready?"

The crowd roared in excitement, while ironically, only a few of the contestants cheered for the contest. Chris smiled at all the enthusiasm, and said, "Well campers, it looks like we are ready to begin!"

"About time too," Duncan said, nudging Courtney. "Maybe I can sneak aboard whatever vehicle you are going to be on this time!"

"Duncan, quiet down," she whispered to him. "You're not supposed to be here, remember? You're going to get me in trouble."

"Ha, for Duncan," Valerie said nearby, catching their eyes as she smiled at them, mostly him, approvingly, "anything is worth trouble."

Gwen chuckled at this, and received a harsh glare from Courtney, who gave one to Valerie. The CIT was so vexed, she missed part of what Chris was saying.

"… and that makes this the most dangerous challenge you all will be doing to date," he concluded. "Yes, this beats the thousand foot drop, Chef's cooking, and even airport security put together!"

"Well, what is it?" Sebastian asked, correcting his glasses. He was starting to feel quite uncomfortable, but that could have been from Sakaki squeezing his arm so hard.

Chris chuckled and pulled out a walkie-talkie from his pocket. "Okay, you may trigger it now!"

The contestants all winced as they waited for something really bad to happen. They continued to wait… and wait… and wait… but nothing really sinister was happening. That actually made them worry more, until they saw Chris's look of confusion.

"Where's the kaboom?" Chris asked aloud. "There's supposed to be a stadium-shaking kaboom? Seriously!"

He picked up his megaphone and shouted, "Hey! Intern! Get out here!"

"He's not here today," Chef Hatchet said. "It's Billy's day off, you kind of violated his contract by making him work this early in the morning."

"Yeah right, you cannot violate an intern," the host scoffed. "What about that other intern, the one we hired?"

"She should be over where the kaboom was going to be," Chef said, point at a wall of the arena where a singular door could be seen. "I think she's in there, that leads in a direct line to where we had everything set up."

"Thanks," Chris said, then bellowed into the megaphone. "OTHER INTERN! GET OUT HERE!"

The door swung open, and a teenaged girl the same age as the contestants entered the arena. "Coming~," she called out in a sing-song, syrupy sweet voice. She walked in a gliding fashion, her long blond hair flowing behind her as she straightened out her green sweater. When she walked over to the contestants, she smiled and waved at them; she had the kind of eyes and smile that made most of them want to run over there and hug her.

"Intern," Chris called out to her, "did you get the surprise ready?"

She wasn't listening to him. She had been distracted by Chico the Raccoon, who had been attracted to the girl's animal magnetism. He let her pick him up and hug her.

"INTERN!"

"Yes~?" she asked, smiling casually at the host. "Oh hi, Chris!"

"Did you get that thing done that I wanted?"

"I believe I did," she responded as she gently scratched Chico's chin.

"Then what happened to the kaboom?"

The intern was distracted again, as if Chris wasn't in existence anymore. Her bright blue eyes wandered around the contestants, stopping on Sebastian and gasping in delight. She took one of his dreadlocks and rolled it between her soft fingertips. "Such a powerful aura coming from you, child of the universe," she cooed, beaming at his hair. "It really is quite impressive~!"

"I might have to stop you from doing that in about an hour or so," Sebastian said.

"INTERN!"

"Oh hi, Chris~," she said happily again. The intern let go of Sebastian's hair and focused on scratching Chico. "How are you today?"

"Look you… seriously, what's your name?" Chris asked.

"We all go by many names. It makes this universe so much more interesting, under many titles and-"

"Name! The one your parents gave you!"

"That would be Dawn," Chef Hatchet said, as Dawn was a little too busy watching the clouds, staring with entranced, bright blue eyes at the bright blue sky.

Chris groaned, and said aloud, "I am rather confused why we hired someone like this!"

"She came in from high school on an exchange pass, the only way we could hire someone with the little you'll allow the interns to be paid and treated after Billy," Chef explained, then added, "And by the way, thanks for finally paying me!"

"No problem, though it did cut back on my own expenses, so I guess, yes. It was a problem," Chris grumbled, then turned his attention back to Dawn. "Okay, intern! Will you go start up the challenge already?"

A beep from Dawn's watch alerted her, and she gently put Chico down before checking the time. "Oh! It's time for my meditation~!"

"You didn't tell me you had pills to take!"

But Chris had heard wrong, as Dawn sat down on the ground, curling her legs and holding her hands up in an odd, pinching but calm gesture. "Meditation, my dear Chris~; it helps us become one with nature, as all of us are God's creatures, and I have my meditation times instated in my agreement to working on this show."

"You know, I'm really beginning to like her," Bridgette said to her friends.

Chris face-palmed and groaned loudly. "Look, Dawn, meditate or whatever, just get the show started, will you?"

"Well, I tried," she said, opening one eye to look up at Chris, "but I was having such trouble putting the nitroglycerin in the vehicles that I had to step away from it for a while."

"I officially," Noah shouted, "disqualify myself from this challenge!"

"Me too, me too," Cody agreed. "This sounds beyond dangerous!"

"Oh come on, you couple chickens," Izzy said with a laugh. "A little nitroglycerin never hurt anyone!"

Duncan cleared his throat. "Oh, you mean that explosive stuff that we were asked to help get ready? Yeah, after I parked the bus in front of the stadium, I left Beth and a couple others to handle it. They weren't doing anything, so I thought that-"

There was a stadium-shaking kaboom then, with a cloud of smoke pouring from behind the stadium. Then everyone saw and heard three figures flying through the air, coming crashing down on the arena floor. After they were done coughing, they stood up and checked their surroundings.

"You told me that was safe," Beth hollered at Duncan, shaking her soot-covered fist at him while dusting the soot off of the rest of her. "You also promised me a cookie if I did it for you! Jerk!"

"Oh, my aching head," Sierra moaned as she shook herself off. "I think I landed on it!"

"Oh, my aching everything," Alejandro groaned, picking himself up even slower, steadying his arm that he had in a sling. He adjusted his head bandage as he moaned in pain, saw where he was, and groaned even louder. "Oh no, not here!"

"Can't we do something about those not allowed entering the stadium?" Chris shouted. "Intern! Escort them out, will you?"

Dawn was far too busy meditating to listen to such an odd request. Chris snarled in frustration, and exclaimed, "Never mind then! Just get those vehicles out here and… wait, was that explosion the vehicles?"

"Sure were," Sierra said cheerfully. "Kaboom! All gone."

"Aw hell, nothing is working out for me today," Chris muttered. "Well, get the back-up vehicles!"

Chef shrugged, and talked into a cell phone for a couple minutes. After waiting a few more minutes, six RVs were driven into the arena and left there, while the host gestured to them.

"Now these explosive-free RVs," he said, "given to us by a very generous company for advertisement purposes, are going to be your vehicles for today's challenge!"

"Yuck," Lindsay gagged at the sight of them.

"Eww," Sadie squealed in disgust.

"Don't knock them just yet," Xander said to the girls. "They don't have explosives, that's something."

Chris chuckled and said, "Yes, sadly enough, they are free of explosives."

"Hey," Beth exclaimed, waving her arm in the air, "I was told I get a cookie for working on the explosive vehicles! Don't I get a cookie?"

"That's a very good question, Beth," the host said. "You get a cookie!"

As Beth caught the cookie thrown to her and chomped down happily, Valerie was looking over Alejandro. "What happened to you, handsome?"

"Duncan hit me with the bus," he muttered, glaring over at the punk.

"Serves you right," Harold grumbled.

Alejandro scoffed at this. "Oh come on! What did I ever do to deserve being run into by a bus?"

"You lied, you cheated, and you used my friends for your own selfish purposes."

"Yeah, but tell me who I did it to that didn't deserve it, nerd."

Bridgette huffed but refused to acknowledge him. Leshawna and Gwen were by her side for comfort, and also if they had to keep her from giving the villain the punch-out he so truly deserved.

"Back to the contest," Chris exclaimed, "we have some special guest stars for you to ride alongside in the teams that will be decided next! Will you please welcome…"

He gestured to the side of the platform, where a lady was walking up onto in a graceful but swift stride. The contestants didn't know who she was, even those very good with pop culture, but Chris did. "Oh! Um, hello! This is our producer, everyone!"

"Hello," the producer said, dusting off some soot that drifted from the three arrivals, and had gathered on her blouse. "Look, Chris, I tried to call you, but your cell phone wasn't answering."

"Oh that," Chris said, trembling a little. "Well, Miss Producer, I turned it off because I didn't want interruptions during this challenge."

"I hate how you do that, and even more that I have a name."

"Sorry, Miss Producer!"

"You've forgotten it again, haven't you?" she muttered. She looked over at the contestants, then smiled warmly and waved. "Hello, darlings!"

Most of them waved back, but Mandy was whispering to Izzy, "Wasn't it the producer who voted off Joel to get rid of Hannah?"

"I think so… but isn't there…"

The two continued whispering secretly to each other, while the producer addressed Dawn. "Oh dear, are you being treated all right? We know this must be a little hard for you, since you're still seventeen like our contestants here."

"I am fine~," Dawn said happily, still meditating.

"That's good to hear," she said, then turned to Chris. "Now about those celebrity appearances-"

"Oh, are they going to be a little late? That's cool, I can always-"

"They're not coming. At all."

"But… but why?"

"Well, our banks took a bit of a hit when we finally had to pay Mr. Hatchet his paycheck up to Day 1 of TDI," she said, glaring at him. "Not to mention the hazard pay we had to give him too, and also Mr. Overbeck's salary-"

"Who?"

"Our intern," she snapped.

"Oh, I wasn't aware interns could have last names. Isn't that illegal, like impersonating a human being?"

He laughed but no one joined him. The producer was looking quite angry by now, and she added, "Plus, we have to pay Dawn as well!"

"Money is of no importance to me," the meditating intern called out. "I told you, forward my paycheck for this job to a nature-preserving group~!"

"Wow," Bridgette gushed, looking over at Dawn, "I really like this girl!"

"Why don't you marry her?" Gwen joked.

The producer was carrying on with other payments, concluding with, "And thus everything was paid at once thanks to you, and the checks bounced on the celebrities! So none of them are coming!"

"But… what am I supposed to do about celebrity appearances?"

"That's your problem, Maclean, not mine," she muttered, shaking her head and muttering about needing a smoke. "Either way, I have to get going now."

She smiled and waved at the contestants. "Good day, dears, I wish you all the best of luck! Take care, okay?"

"Thank you, bye," most of them responded, while Izzy and Mandy talked to each other more. Chris looked over at the contestants, and cleared his throat. "Okay, I need the six who won last night to step forward! … Who won last night?"

Chef pointed them out as they stepped forward. Most of the contestants balked when Colin stood as the sixth leader, and began to hope he didn't pick them.

"Okay, we have Alfred, Lindsay, Harold, Arthur, Courtney, and Colin," Chris said. "Not bad, not bad at all! Now Alfred, you must pick someone of the opposite gender!"

"Mandy," he exclaimed, waving at his crush. The cultist excused herself from Izzy, and walked over to him.

"Are you still pursuing me, mortal boy?" she asked. "You know, even Shudde M'ell hasn't your persistence."

"Nice to know I have better persistence than an Old God," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

(Janitor's Closet - Don't persist, just dance!)

Mandy - "What is it about this mortal boy that makes me feel like a squealing fan girl deep down? It's bending me so out of shape, I don't feel straight anymore! The Old Gods demand devotion, not someone who is heading the other way! Curse my mortal hormones!"

Rodney - "That producer lady seemed really nice! I remember meeting her in agreement for joining the show! I wonder why people think she's mean… is she really the same person who had Joel voted off?"

Geoff - "It's not fair! Bridgette's already bonding with that new intern chick! How am I ever going to reach her? … If I ever get the courage to talk to her again." *He sighs miserably.*

…

Dawn and Bridgette - *Both are meditating peacefully back-to-back. Bridgette sighs a little.*

Bridgette - "This is the most relaxation I've had in weeks."

Dawn - "Yes~, it is… but I wish we had somewhere more natural than a janitor's closet. The vibes here are hostile, and it looks like a war zone."

Bridgette - "You get used to it after a while on the show, dear."

Dawn - *looking at the wall* "Who are Sexy Eyebrows?"

"Lindsay, you pick next," Chris instructed, "but you have to pick someone of the same gender!"

The blonde nodded, and started to look around at her friends. As she looked at Leshawna, she smiled and said, "I'll pick Le… oh… oh!" She was suddenly remembering what she had done during the pillow challenge, and began to lose her nerve. "No, I can't! I mean… I won't! No… I cannot do this… nooooooo!"

She fainted dead away, and while Chico poked her with a stick to try and wake her up, Chris raised an eyebrow and then sighed. "Guess we'll have to do it at random. Um, Anita, you be on her team!"

As Anita squatted down next to Lindsay and tried to revive her as well, Harold asked, "Same gender or opposite, Chris?"

"Opposite."

"I pick Leshawna, of course!"

Leshawna walked over to Harold and gave him a little hug as Chris said to Arthur, "Opposite gender for you, dude."

"Oh, heck if I know who I'm going to pick," Arthur admitted. "Um, some girl… I guess I'll pick Sadie."

"Now Courtney, you pick someone of the same gender!"

"I will pick Eva, because after all the work we did," she said, "I want to give her some advice too!"

"Lucky me!" Eva grumbled as she walked over to Courtney.

"And last but not least, Colin," Chris said, "pick someone of the opposite gender!"

Colin grinned and pointed at Crystal. "I want her!"

"Ugh, no," Crystal exclaimed. "I don't want to be on his team!"

"Oh come on, you know you want me!"

"Like bloody buggar I do!"

"Stop fretting, Crystal," Chris said, "and get over on this softy's team. Can't you see he wants you?"

"Don't make me bloody yack," she muttered as she stood near Colin, out of arm's reach.

The teams were allowed to pick again, but this time in the opposite way. Alfred had to pick a boy, and chose his friend Sebastian. Lindsay was still unconscious when she had to pick a boy, so Chris randomly chose Geoff. Harold picked Xander for his next teammate, and Arthur selected Zachary from Sadie's pleading.

Courtney chose Noah for "strategic reasons," and then it was Colin's turn. Everyone was shocked when he picked Cody. "What?" he said to everyone's gasps. "I just want to make sure this love triangle goes by fairly!"

"Like hell," came the response from several people in unison.

Third round started off about the same. Alfred picked Sakaki, Chris picking for Lindsay picked Gwen; however, when Harold was about to pick another girl for his team, Chris stopped him.

"I want to change the rules every now and then," he said, grinning. "It makes the game more interesting!"

"For you," Gwen muttered.

Harold sighed, hoping to have picked Bridgette and solved the issues between her, himself, and Leshawna. Instead, he picked Rodney for his team. Arthur was allowed to randomly choose, and picked Ezekiel. Courtney chose Bridgette, and Colin picked Clive for his team.

The last pickings went off a rocky start, when Alfred tried to pick Belinda, but Chris claimed to have called dibs on her for Lindsay's team. Unable to argue with the host, Alfred picked Tyler. Harold chose Yoshi, Arthur picked Heather since the former queen bee was glaring at him to do so since he had picked her boyfriend, and Courtney picked Valerie.

Colin looked between DJ and Izzy, muttering, "Aw great, the psycho chick or the wimp. Do I really have to pick?"

"Tell you what, Colin," Chris said, "because you are such a good sport at having to pick last, you can have them both!"

Several people started to argue with this logic, but stopped when they realized trying to debate Chris's logic was foolhardy. Izzy and DJ walked over to Colin's team, not exactly thrilled to be on his team.

"So what are we going to do about the celebrity guests?" Chef Hatchet asked Chris. "Seriously, dude, people were expecting them! Maybe we could get this band called Sexy Eyebrows, I've heard a lot of good about them!"

"No, we couldn't afford a real rock band like that," Chris said, shaking his head. "Um… well, about the celebrity guest stars…"

He looked around the contestants, and some great, slightly sleazy ideas came to mind. There was Duncan flirting with Courtney, and patting her butt, making her yelp and hit his arm. Beth was still eating the cookie, Sierra was trying to correct Alejandro's bandages as he argued with Leshawna over what he had done. Dawn was meditating, and Chico was trying to awaken Lindsay still.

"I have it," he exclaimed. "Team 1, you are going to be blessed to have our newest celebrity, our young Dawn!"

"What?" Alfred said, then cheered. "Oh awesome! I'd love to have her on our team!"

"What?" Mandy shouted. "You want that moon child on our team? What good is she?"

"Serenity~," Dawn said, walking up behind Mandy and massaging her shoulders. "You must be one with your chi, my dear."

"My chi is just fine for the Old Gods when the time comes… oh… oh yeah right there," the cultist purred, relaxing into the massage.

"She's rather talented, isn't she?" Sebastian said to the others, who all smiled and nodded, except Sakaki. She hung her head sadly, glancing over at Sebastian, trying to decide if she should fiddle with his hair too but had no nerve to do so.

"Team 2 will have our co-host from the bus," Chris continued, "Sierra!"

"But I want to be on Cody's team-"

"No! Get on Team 2, you… big-time celebrity you!"

Sierra fumed, then sulked over to Team 2, and also joined in trying to revive Lindsay. She mentioned a rare toe polish color, and suddenly the blonde was wide awake again.

"Team 3 will have our famous, ex-contestant Beth!"

"Really?" Beth said as she finished her cookie! "Oh how nice!"

"Team 4 will have our other co-host, the much more handsome Alejandro!"

"Ugh, no," Heather, who was on Team 4, protested. "No no no! I don't want the lying snake on my team!"

"It ain't your team," Alejandro snapped at her. "And I'm not so thrilled being on this team," he glared at every member, "at all!"

As Arthur tried to calm his riled team down, Chris went on, "And because I am such a nice guy, Courtney gets Duncan!"

"Like it should be," the punk said, patting her butt again.

"Stop doing that," she shouted, shoving him angrily. "You are totally embarrassing me."

"Lighten up, Princess!"

"Yeah, I gotta say the same thing," Eva said. "I don't want a team with an arguing couple!"

"Seriously, lighten up," Valerie suggested. "We're on an RV, it's not exactly a trendy club!"

"And finally," Chris said, pointing at Team 6, "umm… you get the raccoon!"

"I get a filthy rat as a celebrity?" Colin shouted.

Crystal barked out a laugh. "I could say you resemble that comment, but I don't want to insult the raccoon!"

Izzy cackled as Colin fumed, and she nudged DJ. "Well, we have an animal for you, you big Pocahontas! That should make you happy!"

"So long as there are no snakes, I'm fine."

"Well, either way, we're gonna make the best of this contest, and talk to Cody about love! Since we're such experts!"

"But we've both broken up with those we were dating and are single now!"

Clive almost laughed, but it came out as a big scoff. "Perfect, this is just what Cody wants for romantic advice: two recently singled people, a bully, an emo, and a raccoon. I seriously hope you can work against this disadvantage, Crystal."

"Honey, I never let anything prevent me from helping others find love," she said, winking at him. She giggled musically, and the emo felt his face flush. Colin glared at the emo for getting the attention, and then at Cody, who the others were all talk to now.

"You'll pay for this, Cody," he thought to himself. "You are all everything these chicks talk about! I'm gonna show them I'm the biggest thing here!"

(Janitor's Closet - Don't talk, just dance!)

Colin - "Seriously, I will show them all! I'm gonna be all the girls talk about! Hey, all they ever talk about is Duncan and Cody, some of them are still looking at Alejandro all gooey-like! It's time I get me some, baby!"

Courtney - "I would just like to say, here and now, that I am not that excited to have Duncan on my team. I am going at this in a professional manner, and I will win this so my team can win. Having Duncan on my team…" *She suddenly giggles all girly-like, then corrects herself.* "… Is just an added, um, plus, you could say."

Arthur - "Alejandro on my team is a real drag. The guy is a villain, a jerk, a real loser. Zachary seems to think he's okay, and Sadie wants to give him another chance, but she's always like that, trying to give people second chances. How do you get a girl to be like, so… nice? Sheesh."

Harold - "Leshawna is on my team at long last! I am just so happy! My girl, a samurai, a biker rebel, and a prodigy for my team! Oh, and Beth, she's cool too. This is gonna be awesome!"

Lindsay - *shaking her head* "Well, I think I got through that all right, and no one should suspect a thing! I'm kind of sad Tyler cannot come with me, but maybe he'll forgot everything by the time the challenge is done. He's such a nice boyfriend, I cannot bear the fact of hurting him!"

…

Alfred and Dawn - *Both are meditating back-to-back. It ends very quickly when Dawn hears him snore.*

Dawn - "Wake up, dear."

Alfred - "Zzz… snrk! Oh sorry, didn't get a lot of sleep last night!"

Dawn - "Focus your inner chi~. You will need to find yourself if you wish to win the heart of Mandy."

Alfred - "I am so happy to have you on my team, you know that?"

(Maclean Stadium, Arena and Exit)

The six teams lined up in front of the black RVs, looking them over. Chris and Chef followed them, informing them of the features.

"All of them have a good supply of water, comes with a sink, shower, toilet, stove, coffee maker, automatic driver, and about four beds."

"Four beds?" Courtney exclaimed. "But there are six of us on these teams! Please tell me this is a one-day trip!"

"Yes, if you change the word 'day' with the word 'week.'"

"A WEEK?" most of the contestants and guest stars shouted incredulously.

"Indeed! You see, the makers of this show and yours truly have decided this stadium needs some more money, so we are holding a rock concert during the time you all are going, and only a week will do for such a grand event!"

Chris chuckled as he thought about it, then he elbowed Chef Hatchet. "Oh, see if you can contact Sexy Eyebrows and get them into the gig, we could use a little more star power."

"Will do."

"A whole week on the road," Leshawna said, shaking her head, "oh Lord, this is going to be a pain real fast, I can see it."

"Dude, how are we going to be that exciting for a whole week?" Tyler asked. "Is this another fan service challenge?"

"No, of course not," Chris said. "If it was, we would have had cameras in the showers."

"Pervert," Anita shouted at him.

"Seriously, I worry about being on this show at times," DJ admitted to his teammates. "I mean, this is going to get cramped, all of us in an RV for a road trip!"

"Hey, Deej, lighten up," Bridgette said, patting his shoulder. "I mean, it can be fun to be with friends, not to mention you're still a hero from last challenge; they'll probably be nice to you!"

"That reminds me," Zachary said to his teammates, "I call dibs on the shower first, don't you pack of white kids think you can push me out of it."

"I'm Latin," Alejandro pointed out.

"We're asian," Heather said, pointing at herself and Sadie.

"And I'm actually a radioactive hamster from a planet near Mars," Arthur quipped, making "scary hands" as he rolled his eyes. "Zachary, shouldn't you let one of the girls have the shower first?"

Zachary looked over at Sadie, and forced himself to smile pleasantly at her. "You know, you're right. I call dibs on the shower for Sadie, since she deserves it so much!"

"Aw, you are such a sweetie-pie," she cooed, hugging him in thanks. Zachary returned it, but inside he was retching; so was Arthur, but he kept his retching to himself.

"If you are all done complaining," Chris said, "I swear, every single challenge, nothing but complaints! Anyway, here are the road maps you will need to get through this very long road trip!"

He threw a road map to each of the leaders, who unfolded them to take a good long look. All of them were surprised to see a rather long route planned out, with all the RV stops and gas stations pointed out, including ones that would involve a little detour and the ways back onto the road.

"This is all very interesting," Courtney said, "but is this it? I mean, I understand the gas stations and RV stops, but aren't there side challenges or checkpoints?"

"Nope, don't need them," Chris said. "You all have a GPS installed in your RVs, and while you are allowed to deviate a little from the plotted course, no major exceptions involved. You are going to follow the main road planned all the way around, or face elimination."

"This doesn't sound too bad, really," Eva said. "I mean, it's not a wild and physical challenge like I prefer, but you know, I don't mind a little rest. I'm not just a physical fitness buff, you know!"

She said the last part a little louder than she meant to, thus everyone, including Cody who she was hoping heard instead of all others, heard. Anita scoffed to herself, then added, "Well, I just hope there's a video game console in there for my team, I'd love to do some gaming!"

"Nope," Chris said. "Who wants to watch people play video games?"

"That's about a quarter of You Tube now," Cody remarked. "Bless those walkthroughs, they really save me some time and money from having to buy strategy guides!"

Chris chuckled and said, "Oh, you nerds. Now, I'll give you all a few minutes to converse with your friends before you leave. Any questions?"

"What are the rules for this contest, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Rules?" Chris repeated, then burst out laughing. He walked away to have a few words with Cody, while Ezekiel sulked over this rather upsetting bit of news. He instead went to say good-bye to his friends Tyler and Bridgette.

"Don't worry about me," Tyler said, patting his shoulder. "I'm gonna be just fine, though I will miss Lindsay for a week."

"I'll be fine too, but I'll miss Geoff," Bridgette said, sighing. "That is, if I had actually seen him in the last week to match the upcoming one."

Both of the boys hugged her, and Ezekiel said, "Don't woo'ry, Gwen is on your team, as are Anita and Belinda. They'll straighten him 'oot, eh."

Gwen was talking to Leshawna then, saying, "Look, I know you don't like being told what to do, Leshawna, but try to have a good time with Harold? I think you two have a shot together still, I'd hate to see you break up."

"Girlfriend, don't worry about me," Leshawna said, hugging her best friend close to her. "And don't worry about the two of us either, I'm sure things will happen the way they were meant to. Still, I don't think I should break up with him, where I'm standing now."

"Don't let these turkeys get you down, dude," Zachary was saying to Alejandro. "Just because you tried to make a rift in that surfer girl's love life doesn't mean you suck, you were just doing what Chris asked you to do. Don't worry, you're welcome in this group!"

"I don't think so, amigo," Alejandro responded. "But if I have an ally in you, I'll take it."

"can i dryv?" Chico asked Colin, looking at the keys.

"Fat chance! I'm driving this!"

"But do you have a license?" DJ asked.

"Yes!"

"Currently?"

Colin looked to the side, avoiding the question. With a defeated sigh, he muttered, "No, all right? Not right now, I lost it when I was on the sidewalk for a couple seconds. Just five seconds, I wasn't really going to hit my teacher, I just wanted to scare him!"

"That's all I really need to know," DJ said, snatching the keys from him. "Who wants to drive?"

"I'll do it," Cody said. "Driving is almost therapeutic, gives me time to think. Plus, I wanna check out all the cool features this baby has!"

Colin snarled angrily as Cody was handed the keys. The tech-geek didn't notice, he was too busy thinking about all the fun he could have, and if this meant he finally had full control over the radio. He snickered at the thought, it was delicious to have that kind of power that he never had before.

"Focus, Cody," he thought to himself as he tapped his chin. "You swore you would come to a decision, and you totally lucked out by getting a whole week to think about it! Now if you really are a man, you will come to that decision before we come back here! Be a man, Cody!"

"Could I get some help here?"

Alfred was struggling with the road map, trying to fold it back up, but ending up only making it stretch and fold in the wrong way, eventually unfolding entirely on top of his head. As he sulked, Dawn covered her mouth in astonishment, and sighed.

"Of all the beings in this great, big universe of ours," she said, "I have yet to meet someone who can fold a road map properly. I actually doubt there is one who can."

"The challenge is relatively simple," Chris explained over the fussing, "the last two teams to get back, or not at all, have to vote someone out among the two. Is everyone ready?"

The contestants all returned to their groups, and struggled to fold up their road maps; Duncan was the least helpful, as he tried to use his pocket knife to carve the map directions out before Courtney stopped him.

"Chris, I have a question," Beth exclaimed. "What do we do in case of emergency?"

"Good question, Beth, you get a cookie!"

As Chris threw another cookie at Beth, who promptly shared it with all her teammates, he explained, "If your RV breaks down, there is an emergency phone number on your dash board. Call that number to have someone tow your RV to the next stop, but I must warn you, the drivers have been instructed to take their time, and then there are the repairs."

"We have to pay for the repairs?" Beth asked, wondering how much that would cost.

"Another good question, you get another cookie," the host handed her the cookie as he explained. "You all will find an envelope inside your glove compartment, they contain a few cash cards. All have the same amount, but they only work at the gas stations and RV stops."

"Wait, what?" Yoshi said. "But what about-"

He was stopped as Beth tapped his shoulder, then pointed at herself. He shrugged and gave it to her. "But what," Beth asked, "about hotels and restaurants? Where are we supposed to eat and sleep for the week this trip will be?"

"Very good question! You get a third cookie!"

He gave another treat to the farm girl, and as she shared it, he said, "That's exactly why you are traveling in RVs, those are your rest accommodations! Also, RV stops allow you to stay overnight, so that's your hotel!"

"Four beds," Courtney exclaimed, "six teammates! Not cool!"

"Find something to accommodate yourself, accommodate away," Chris said, loving the big word he was using. "As far as eating, you're going to have to deal with eating what is at gas stations and RV stops. I hear the food is nice there!"

"It's all junk food and short-order meals," Xander said. "Trust me, I know, but at least it's not Chef's cooking."

"Well said," Leshawna and Beth said, high-fiving him (Beth had to jump).

"I have one more question," Izzy exclaimed. "But I'll let Beth ask it so she gets a cookie."

"But I don't know what you are going to ask!"

"Oh… well then, I'll ask! Are we all following the same routes?"

"Good question!"

"… Where's my cookie?"

"You don't get a cookie."

"NO COOKIE?" Izzy roared, and DJ, Cody, and Clive had to restrain her as she tried to attack Chris. "I'LL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU, YOU COOKIE-HOGGING, UGLY TWERP! I'LL KILL ALL YOU!"

"That's nice, Izzy," Chris said dismissively. "Now the routes you are taking are different, but they all link to the same RV stops and gas stations, so you could run into each other many times. Of course, there are no rules, but I'd avoid messing with the team Izzy is on."

"Izzy's not so bad," Sierra said. "She's the one who cleans up the room she's in, and her own room at home is squeaky clean!"

"How do you know that?" Gwen asked her.

"Oh, she told me. Izzy gives me a little gossip now and then on you all for my blogs in exchange for me trying to make Owen happy on the bus. He's sad these days, but I know what his favorite treats are."

"How touching but sad at the same time," Chris muttered. "Now then! I think we are ready to go!"

(Janitor's Closet - Don't gossip, just dance!)

Zachary - "Alejandro seems a little off on our team, but I like the guy. He is a clever brother, and maybe I could get him to help me some… being clever in these reality contests is hard, I don't like the idea of having to, in the future, kiss Sadie. Ugh!"

Yoshi - "The last long-distance drive I was on, the girl I like broke her foot. I don't want that to happen again, I actually like everyone on my team. Each of them is tough, some hidden but still there, even the little tyke. It's nice to not want to beat your teammates as much as your opponents, but we'll see how I feel after a few days."

Sebastian - "Dawn is a real sweet girl, and she is in tune with auras. It's so rare to meet a girl like that, I am quite happy she is on our team. This should be a good week, I really like our team altogether."

Gwen - "Great, just great is my luck on this team! The vapid blonde, the part of the love triangle I am not supporting, my friend's frantic and paranoid boyfriend, and the freaky fangirl who wants our dental records! At least Belinda is sane, and quiet too."

Ezekiel - "At least I am with my girlfriend a'geen, eh. I love being with her, even if I'm going to be on the same team as that Alejandro creep she hates. I'll be sure to stay by her side so he doesn't bother her, eh."

(Day 1 of RV Race.)

The contestants piled into their RVs, waiting for Chris to let them go off towards their week-long trip. For some of them, the sooner it was over, the better.

Team 1 went first, and Dawn had asked if she could drive. As no one saw any harm in that, and Alfred couldn't argue with those blue eyes of hers, he allowed her to drive first. At the least, it meant he would be able to start chatting up Mandy right away. Their team started off at a leisurely pace, which was fine for all of them chilling in the back.

Team 2 started off shortly after with Geoff driving. He just wanted to avoid talking to people, and said he had to focus when driving. Gwen sighed in defeat, shaking her head as she wondered if she was going to be able to communicate with him at all on this trek. The others all began to talk as they started driving off.

Team 3 debated who would drive, and Harold wanted time with Leshawna. With Rodney and Beth being too short, Xander not caring to drive something completely different from a motorcycle, Yoshi was the one to drive. After a couple bad jokes about driving on the "right" side of the road to Yoshi, the team set off.

Team 4 almost got in a fight over who drove. Zachary and Heather started shouting at each other, Alejandro protested either of them driving, and Sadie was crying out for everyone to calm down. Arthur saying he was leading and would drive didn't calm them down, and finally it came down to Ezekiel having to drive. Heather sat up next to him, sulking. All the prairie boy could think of when they pulled out was, "This is not going to go well at all."

Team 5 also had an argument, between Duncan and Courtney about who should drive. Just when everyone else thought it was going nowhere, it did just that when the two started making out. Eva sighed in frustration and dragged the smooching couple into the RV as Bridgette took the wheel and drove off.

Team 6, the last to go and already settled, was content with Cody driving; however, they weren't expecting Izzy to open the hatch at the top and pop out as they were leaving. "Good-bye, Chris Maclean," she called to him, waving. "I hate your guts, and the rest of you is just as loathsome! Good riddance, a week away from you is heaven!"

Before she went too far, Clive grabbed her legs and pulled her down, trying very hard to avoid looking up her skirt (but he accidentally did). Izzy collapsed on top of him, giggling impishly and saying, "Well, this will be a fun trip, don't you all think?"

(Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sakaki, Sebastian, Tyler, Dawn.)

"So, what are you up to, Mandy?"

"Just using the app on my phone to make a small pentagram and sacrifice to Glaaki, in hoping he absorbs this whole world while impaling it in the process."

"Heavy stuff," Alfred said, chuckling as he sat down next to her. "But how are you going to sacrifice with it's on your phone?"

"Like this," she said. She dragged a figure from the side that was a wriggling human, then used a pin to impale it in a bloody mess on the pentagram. "Buahaha! I love it how they writhe about as if they have a chance! Watch this, I'm gonna let the next one try to run away!" [1]

Sakaki shivered as she huddled up next to Sebastian, and he wrapped an arm around her in comfort. "Why does she like violence so much?" she whimpered.

"Why does anyone like violence?" he responded. "I mean, why do we pay money to see movies where people die horribly, when the same thing in real life would horrify us?"

"Mysteries of life," Tyler said. "But I think those things are a little deep for us to comprehend."

"On the contrary, Tyler, I think they are," Sebastian said. "I am a firm believer that there is no limit to the human mind. Whatever we imagine is a possibility, and with such inquiring minds, the deep parts of mankind can be figured out."

"Aw, dude, you're making me feeling stupid."

"No, I am merely trying to get you to increase your ability to accept and ponder. Every human being is a unique individual, including you."

"I know that," Sakaki whispered, trying to summon her courage to say what she wanted to, "and I also think… that if everyone was a little more open about our feelings, we wouldn't have so many problems… but there's emotions blocking our way."

"Indeed," Sebastian said. "We all have our demons to battle."

"Demons that try to eat away at our very soul," Dawn said, sitting down next to Sebastian and sitting in her meditation stance. "It is through our own chi and grace that we combat these evils that dwell in all of us~."

"But does evil really settle in all of us?" Tyler asked. "I mean, what is evil? Is it doing wrong, or doing wrong without caring that it is?"

"I always defined evil as doing bad things to others without feeling any sort of emotion towards them," Alfred said.

"Evil to me," Sakaki said, "is really simply doing something that considered wrong by most and not considering it to be wrong."

"Those are such fine points," Dawn said, clapping happily at them. "I am so glad to be on a team of such deep, fine people~!"

"Yeah yeah," Mandy grumbled, "Cthulhu will consume all your happy thoughts and what not. Ooo, impaled that one in the head, haha!"

"Don't mind her," Alfred said, pointing at Mandy. "She gets like this when she plays this app."

"To each their own~," Dawn said, smiling and tilting her head in a way that charmed all the boys. Tyler managed to shake off this attraction, and cleared his throat.

"Hey, Dawn?"

"Yes… Tyler, was it?"

"Yeah, that's me. I have to ask you something important."

"Is it about chi, meditation? Oh, do you want me to give you a tarot reading? I also do tea leaves~!"

"No no, it's not that. Just that… if you're back here, who's driving?"

"I have it on automatic pilot. That's enough, right?"

There was a few seconds of silence, then five horrified screams filled the RV. Sebastian bolted to the front and grabbed the wheel, keeping the vehicle from going off the road. All of them heaved sighs of relief, while Dawn looked very confused.

"I'm sorry, but I thought that's what automatic pilots do," she admitted, sitting down next to Sebastian. "My apologies for causing you all such fear."

"We'll all live, Dawn," Sebastian said, managing a smile after said fear had set. "Just let me drive for a while, okay?"

"You are a good person~," Dawn stated, smiling right back at him. "And your aura is as strong as ever. Have I told you how much I admire that?"

"I think you have, but thank you again."

"What do you do control and soothe it so, may I inquire~?"

As Dawn and Sebastian talked about auras, Sakaki watched sadly as they discussed, deeply too, something she had nothing to relate to. She sighed and went to the back of the RV to be alone, letting Mandy and Alfred play with her sacrifice app, and Tyler to practice his yo-yo skills.

(Janitor's Closet - Don't sacrifice, just dance!)

Sakaki - "I knew something like this would happen eventually. I meet such a nice boy, but I don't find the courage inside of me to actually tell him I like him back. He's done so much for me… but that new girl, Dawn, she's his type!"

*She covers her face and shakes her head miserably.* "I have no one to blame but myself. Just… just don't film anymore!" *She tries to put her hand in front of the camera, but accidentally knocks it off and breaks it.*

(Team 2 - Lindsay, Anita, Belinda, Geoff, Gwen, Sierra.)

"Did you know Chris's monthly salary," Sierra was telling the others, "could feed a third-world country for a year? That's a fact, I did the research."

"Yet another reason to hate the man," Gwen said, though she smiled at this.

She, like the others, had been worried about being on the same team as Sierra, whose knowledge of them all rather disturbed them; however, when she was giving them fun facts about Chris Maclean, facts that would be blackmail if it wasn't public knowledge, they were okay with it.

"Ever wonder what he would do if he wasn't host of the show?" Anita asked them.

"Janitor," Gwen suggested.

"Hair dresser," Lindsay said.

"I have a sneaking suspicion," Belinda said, quirking an eyebrow, "that if he was going to lose this job, he might end up as a circus freak."

"What makes you think that?" Gwen asked her.

"Hair gel removal, among other things."

"I like it! And you're the psychic one!"

They all shared a laugh, while Geoff drove at the front, feeling miserable again. "Man, they're having a small party back there, all of them," he said, shaking his head. "And I'm stuck up here at the front driving… five hot girls in one place, and I'm trying to avoid them.

"I never should have let myself get into this alliance," he thought bitterly. "I really have no one to blame but myself."

(Team 3 - Harold, Leshawna, Rodney, Xander, Yoshi, Beth.)

"So what is the game plan as far as living conditions?" Xander asked his teammates. "I mean, the sleeping arrangements are not ideal."

"I was thinking of that," Harold said, drumming his fingers on his palm. "See, the way I see it, we could always have a midnight watch. Two people stay awake, one person to make sure the driver fall asleep."

"But isn't it a bad idea to have the engine running for a long period of time?" Rodney asked. "I mean, we cannot just drive, drive, drive."

"Our little munchkin's got a point," Leshawna said.

"Aha, but my dear Leshawna, I have thought this out too," Harold said, rubbing his hands together. "See, at the RV stops, we shall take a break. And I know Xander knows a little bit about engines and such, you should know how long we can wait."

"Indeed I do, you can count on me."

"Really, sugar?" Leshawna said. "I'm impressed, guess there's more to you than a pretty face."

Xander chuckled, then rubbed his facial scar. "Nope, sorry, much more than that, and either way, I wouldn't say my face is that pretty."

"Manly animé scars are manly," Harold exclaimed. "I wanted a manly facial scar when I was young! Sadly, jumping on a rake doesn't result in that."

Rodney winced. "I hope that didn't break your glasses when it happened."

"I'm told it's why I ended up wearing glasses."

"Nothing wrong with glasses though," Beth said, tapping the side of hers. "Justin tells me they amplify my eyes… no one's really said to me, he's such a sweetheart."

Yoshi laughed from up at the driver's seat. "All the pretty boys are so much deeper than one would think on this show! Sometimes I wonder what weird, cartoon universe I stepped into."

"I'd say more like a video game," Harold said. "Good looking hero with mad skills, you know?"

"Something like Deadpool?" Rodney asked. "My brother loves him."

"No no, that's a comic book character, and he's horribly scarred. See, Deadpool has-"

"Sweetheart," Leshawna said, patting Harold's back, "don't confuse our poor munchkin."

(Janitor's Closet - Don't confuse, just dance.)

Leshawna - "Look, I love Harold, and he has converted me to liking a few things I never thought I would. But our lifestyles are quite different, and I'm worried not so much for my sake, but his. Would he really fit in my lifestyle, my home, my community? I keep talking about this, and I am wondering if I do ponder it this much, is the answer no?"

*She sighs and shakes her head.* "It's my own damn fault, you know? I got swept away over the fact that he liked me so much, I didn't consider it then if it would work out. Leshawna girl, you gotta figure this thing out."

(Team 4 - Arthur, Ezekiel, Heather, Sadie, Zachary, Alejandro.)

Ezekiel was very glad he was driving, and he was quite content on watching the road. He even felt like it was a blessing in the skies to be watching the skies right now, instead of being back in the RV's main compartment. Because right now, absolute hell was raised.

Heather, Zachary, and Sadie were all having a competition on who could shout the loudest, and Alejandro was competing too but so much Spanish (which Ezekiel knew, and thought that Al should really be ashamed of himself for what he was saying) was not qualifying in the loud contest.

"Why don't you just stop with the 'white girl' remarks?" Heather shouted. "I'm asian! I'm sick to death of you trying to turn this into an all versus you blame game!"

"Oh, that's easy for you to say, coming from a rich family! You think because you're more privileged than me, you can boss me around?"

"Heather, will you stop yelling at Zachary?" Sadie yelled. "You're the one who started this argument!"

"And that's another thing, you keep defending him," Heather snapped at Sadie. "It doesn't matter what he does, you keep backing him up!"

"I wish you all would stop yelling at each other like a bunch of," Alejandro continued in Spanish, and again Ezekiel cringed. "Seriously, it's like an endless whine-fest! Just silence yourselves! Silencio!"

"You don't get to talk, cheater," Heather shouted at him. "You look like a model for the Sleaze corporation catalogue!"

"Why don't you leave him alone, Heather?" Sadie declared. "I mean, you're mostly just bitter because he was just more clever than you!"

"He tried to use Bridgette!"

Zachary scoffed. "That was just to obey Chris. If you were paid as much as he pays for the good stuff, you'd do some crazy things, white girl."

"Stop calling me that!"

Arthur was trying desperately to block out all the noise, crossing his arms and hunching his shoulders up. All this shouting and stupidity and arguing reminded him of whenever one of his sisters would watch Jersey Shore at what he was sure was the highest volume the television allowed. He was reaching his breaking point, the shouting starting to physically hurt him deep down.

"You're just a dirty hamster, Heather," Alejandro declared, "who has forgotten who you truly are! And if your boyfriend was really a man, he'd come back here and tell me what for-"

"Oh, shut up!" Arthur bellowed. "Shut up, Al!"

Alejandro flinched, and sat down, grumbling in Spanish. Heather pushed her way past Sadie and Zachary to go and sit with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. Arthur went to take a shower, anything to wash away the invisible dirt that thinking about Jersey Shore that long would make you feel was all over you.

Zachary and Sadie sat down together, and she looked up at him. "You know, Heather's just really abrasive, don't mind her. I guess she'll always be a queen bee deep down."

"Bah, it's no problem, I've dealt with tougher chicks than her in my life time."

"You're a really tough guy, Zachie," Sadie said cheerfully, hugging him again. "Hmm, comfy too!"

(Janitor's Closet - Don't hug, just dance!)

Zachary - *shudders* "Zachie?"

Arthur - "BUAHAHAHAAAAA! Zachie! AHAHAHAA!" *falls down laughing*

Alejandro - *glaring at the camera* "These Total Drama Dorks are all going down. Seriously, I'll make them pay for what they did to me! No one messes with Alejandro Burromuerto and gets away with it!"

Sadie - "It's kind of silly how much arguing went down on the first day. Katie always did tell me I was the argumentative type. It's true, I think I start every fight we've ever had… all five of them!"

*She sighs and shakes her head.* "It's my fault you know, in a… way that I haven't really figured out yet, but I'm sure it's my fault? After all, Zachary's a good guy, he didn't mean for an argument to start!"

Zachary - "Valerie, how much longer do I have to like this fat chick?"

(Team 5 - Courtney, Bridgette, Eva, Noah, Valerie, Duncan.)

"Indefinitely," Valerie said matter-of-factly. "Probably forever."

"Oh drat," Courtney muttered. "I really do want him to get rid of that carving habit."

The CIT looked at the C+D heart that Duncan had made in the wall before he had gone to take a shower. She sighed and muttered, "That'll hurt us, if we didn't have the security deposit."

"What do you mean?" Noah asked. "The show owns them, not us."

"Oh yes, of course," Courtney said. "Sorry, sometimes I forget these things. I guess the one blessing in the skies is that we don't have to pay for whatever we break on this show."

"Your boyfriend would owe a great deal of money in the end," Bridgette joked. "He'd have to win to make up for the damages."

"Yeah, that's really nice," Valerie said, waving at Bridgette. "Make fun of Duncan while he's not here."

"He's big enough to take it," the surfer girl said, glaring at Valerie. "And you know what? Why don't you try to be nice this time around?"

"Bridgette," Courtney said in astonishment.

"You weren't there for the blimp race challenge! She was incredibly rude to everyone there, especially Harold."

"Why is Harold so important to you, huh?" Valerie asked.

"He's my friend, and-"

"You do bring him up a lot, Bridgette," Courtney pointed out. "Are you sure there isn't something going on there?"

"Seriously, it's all I hear," Noah said. "Harold this, Harold that, Leshawna, Leshawna, Geoff, Geoff, you're like a soap opera of your own, Bridgette."

Bridgette, frustrated and upset by the three teaming on her, stormed off to the front to sit next to Eva and talk to her. Duncan stepped out of the small shower room, a towel wrapped around his waist as he used another towel to dry out his hair.

"Did surfer girl have a fit over her love life again?" he asked.

"She's just a little touchy," Courtney said. "Please try to be nice to her. You too, Valerie. Valerie?"

The pink politician was far too busy staring at Duncan's gleaming chest, with water running down his skin. She shuddered in delight, then looked away, smiling to herself.

Courtney hurried Duncan back into the bathroom to change, scolding him for walking out like that. "It's like coming out in your underwear, for crying out loud! Have you no shame?"

"No, Princess, not a bit."

(Janitor's Closet - Don't be ashamed, just dance!)

Duncan - "Seriously, Princess has got to lighten up. I'm gonna have to take a couple steps to get her to be the Courtney I know is there!"

Valerie - "Oh, that body that punk has. Ooo, what I wouldn't give to snuggle myself up against that beautiful chest and that firm waist…"

*She realizes what she is saying, and clears her throat.* "Um, yes, well, anyway! I am going to have a little fun with Duncan, and Courtney cannot do a darn thing about it. Because by the end of this challenge, she is going to need me as much as I need the sway she still has."

Eva - "Poor Bridgette was talking to me for some time about the troubles she was having. Man, I thought this love triangle thing was complex, but she's got a real rough spot! I only have to watch for an answer from Cody, she's gotta deal with her boyfriend, her friend, his girlfriend, and everyone badgering her."

*She cracks her knuckles, and smirks.* "And you know what? I may have become a little soft to become more like a girl rather than an athlete, but I'm still Eva Garren. And if anyone messes with the best friend I ever had, the first person to truly stand up to me, I'm gonna show them just how feminine I can be when I punch their lights out!"

(Team 6 - Colin, Cody, Clive, Crystal, DJ, Izzy, Chico the Raccoon.)

"wuts dis do?"

"That controls the CD player."

"wuts dis do?"

"That controls the windshield wipers and the blinkers."

"wuts dis do?"

"That's the seat controls, please stop lowering my seat."

"wuts dis do?"

"That's my nose, it is used for sniffing, sneezing, and occasionally collecting boogers."

"BOOGURS," Chico burst into laughter, rolling around in the passenger seat and swinging his paws around in amusement. Cody smiled at him, then focused on driving again.

In the back, the others were making small talk… no, that's a lie, they were deliberately avoiding talking to each other. Izzy didn't want to set off DJ in a fit of fear like she knew she could accidentally do, DJ didn't want to set off Izzy, Crystal didn't want Colin to say a word to her, and Colin was a little worried what would happen if he angered any of these people.

Finally, the silence was broke when Izzy couldn't take holding in her big question anymore. "So, Crystal," she asked, smiling her Izzy smile, "now that I'm single, I was wondering who you could hook me up with?"

"What are you look for?"

"A wild friend who is willing to go car hopping with me when I'm in the mood to do so!"

"Car hopping? You mean like traveling around town and hitching rides?"

"No, car hopping as in leaping from car to car in the street; it's fun, and I've only fallen off once!"

"Sheesh, you don't want a boyfriend," Colin remarked, "you want some kind of indestructible crash-test dummy!"

"Izzy, you might want to consider lowering your standards," Crystal recommended. "I mean, not many boys like to risk their lives for simple fun. That's something you'll have to consider when you date."

"But shouldn't a boy be interested in what I like? Why does Izzy have to change all for them?"

"You don't have to completely change, hon. You just can't expect many boys to like having fun like that. I mean, take DJ for example-"

She stopped when DJ shook his head, flapping his arms in desperate, silent plea to not include him in that manner. Crystal stammered and recovered, saying, "Well, Cody up there! Do you think he wants to go car hopping?"

"How does one know one wouldn't like it unless one doesn't try it once?"

"Because one," Colin snapped, "is not psycho!"

"Oh shush," Izzy said, waving at him. "You're just jealous because Cody stands a better chance with Izzy than you!"

"That's nothing to do with it," the bully retorted, though truth be told, he was jealous of that. "I'd rather go out with this here sexy Australian chick."

Crystal frowned as he pointed at her. "I'm British."

"Same thing."

"It's not the same bloody thing, they're practically on the opposite sides of the world!"

"Both islands, funny accents and weird food, sounds similar to me!"

"He's got a point," Izzy said. "I don't like him much, but that is a point."

"Look, this conversation is meaningless," Crystal said, glaring at Colin. "The point is, I will never go out with someone as rude as you."

"Now come on, even Izzy thinks never is too long! Why not have a little dance to make peace?" Izzy said, running up to the front of the car, setting the CD player to play mostly in the back, and put on a dance song. "Let's have a little boogaloo to solve this! DJ, dance with me! Colin, Crystal, have some fun!"

"I don't want to bloody touch this git-"

"C'mon, babe," Colin said. "It's the first day of a week, do we really want to start off this thing badly?"

Crystal took a long, heaving sigh, and muttered, "One dance, but behave yourself!"

As Crystal and Colin, and DJ and Izzy danced, Cody continued to make small talk with Chico the Raccoon. It's hard to make small talk with a raccoon, even one (albeit broken) that speaks your language. Eventually, he had a better speaking partner when DJ was spun into the front with him, and Izzy snatched up Chico to dance with him.

"a dancin partnur," the raccoon cheered as he and Izzy boogied, "i has eet!"

DJ sat down in the passenger seat, glancing over at Cody. "Man, I know Izzy's a nice girl deep down, but man, she's one crazy gal!"

"I know," Cody said, nodding. "I rather like her, especially after last season, but I'm determined to pick between Anita and Eva. They're all I think about these days."

"What about that Sierra gal? She seems to like you."

"Well, if she let me breathe from those suffocating hugs she was giving me last time she met me," Cody shuddered, shaking his head. "No dude… what do you think?"

"I'm sorry, buddy, but I cannot give you any advice. I'm friends with both Anita and Eva, and I think both would be very nice to have as girlfriends. You have to choose from your heart, dude."

"That's fair enough, but man," he managed to smile as he looked over at DJ, "I never thought I would be stuck in this kind of situation. It's something guys dream about, but in reality, it's not so fun."

"Just like reality itself."

The two shared a laugh, then a shrieked startled them both, followed by an impact sound and a pained squeak. Both looked back to see Crystal standing over Colin, his hands on his crotch as he winced in agony, and the matchmaker looking furious.

"You just can't keep your bleeding hands to yourself, can you?" Crystal shouted. "Don't you mess with me, you pervert, because I know martial arts, and you'll be brown bread next time you try to grab my arse!"

"Oh, what's this now?" Izzy asked, shaking her head. "Can't we just have a dance like any other RV road trip?"

(Janitor's Closet - Don't dance, just… wait no. We should have chosen one of the other verbs, we just ruined our own joke.)

Cody - "Mark my words, I will make a choice by the end of the challenge."

*He pumps his fist and grins.* "See, I've learned a lot from my time on Total Drama. I've been through some great times, I've been through hell, but all of this has just been a sign that I am strong enough to endure anything life throws at me. And thus, I can handle a relationship with maturity!

"I've always thought that I could treat a girl like a real princess, and now… now I just have to make this choice. It's not going to be easy, but heck, nothing ever is!"

*He lets out a proud cry, and kicks in excitement, knocking the camera off the door and wrecking it.*

Chef Hatchet - *He installs a new camera on the door, grumbling as he does so.* "Third camera in one day, these darn kids need to be more careful! Thank goodness we're getting rid of them for a week, I'd never get this place up to code before the rock festival!"

Dawn - *She is meditating peacefully, before opening an eye and smiling at the camera.* "Remember to focus your chi for a healthy life style, children of the universe~!"

…

…

…

Who will win the RV race? Is there even a first prize? Who will lose?

Who is Cody going to choose: Eva or Anita? Whose side are you on?

And what are you doing sitting down there? Just dance! *boogies*

…

Team 1 - Alfred, Tyler, Sebastian, Mandy, Sakaki, Dawn.

Team 2 - Lindsay, Anita, Geoff, Gwen, Belinda, Sierra.

Team 3 - Harold, Rodney, Leshawna, Yoshi, Xander, Beth.

Team 4 - Arthur, Ezekiel, Sadie, Heather, Zachary, Alejandro.

Team 5 - Courtney, Noah, Eva, Valerie, Bridgette, Duncan.

Team 6 - Colin, Izzy, DJ, Cody, Crystal, Clive, Chico.

…

Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date - Firework scorching covers the walls, floor, and mostly the ceiling. A poster for the band Sexy Eyebrows is up on the wall. A handkerchief lays on Chico's paw-made bed. The Fame Town CD, broken and burnt but still there, is on its shelf.

…

[1] - Mandy's sacrificial app is not, as far as I know, real. Please don't tell me if there's something like it, I don't want it.

…

Next Up - RVs trek on, and everything goes by normally and without drama. Or maybe the opposite of that last part, because if you believe that, then you haven't been reading this story that long, have you