A/N: Hey All! So, this week I've been writing like crazy, so sure that barely any time had passed. Then I looked at my post date for the last chapter and was like "Aw fuck." lol Sorry! I swear, time just flies right by me! I hope this chapter makes up for it! It's super emotional, very angsty, and also a bit fiesty. I needed to show the emotions both Sam and Jason are feeling, the impact each has on each other, and how, in the end, they are what saves the other. The last couple of chapters will be a lot lighter, funner, and give us the ending our fave couple deserves. I promise! :p

Happy reading!

Jen

buttercup0303

Chapter 47

Jason came to slowly, awareness seeping into his consciousness in bursts. The first thing he became aware of was the discomfort in his shoulder growing from a dull pain to a roaring, burning pain. The second thing he became aware of was a high keening noise, similar to a wounded animal. The third thing he became aware of sent him bolting upright, despite the agony shooting down his arm. It was the realization that it wasn't a wounded animal making that noise. It was Sam.

His turned his head, his eyes focusing in around him, brushing off concerned hands as he searched for his wife. And there she was, huddled on the ground by the front door, hands clasped over her ears, eyes squeezed shut, tears streaming down her face as she made that god awful noise.

"Jason, don't move! You're going to make it bleed more." Max exclaimed, carefully grabbing him to pull him back down but Jason shook him off impatiently. Max winced as Sam's cries grew louder, wrenching at his heart.

Jason pushed to his feet, staggering slightly. Milo caught him, and tried to ease him back down.

"You can't help her if you really die, Jason." He said artlessly, wincing at the look Max shot him.

"Jason, he's right. Grandmother's on her way to take care of your arm. Mom and I will help Sam." Michael agreed quickly, rushing forward and blocking Jason's path.

Determined to get to Sam and furious that they'd get in his way, Jason used his uninjured arm to shove them roughly out of his way. Milo staggered back, but Michael was barely moved, which told Jason that he was weaker than he thought.

His eyes were still locked on Sam, and he watched in dull horror as she rocked back and forth, her face a mask of misery and loss. Hot shame rolled through him as he realized he'd done this to her. Why hadn't he seen how visceral her fear was? More determined to get to Sam than ever, Jason lifted his eyes to Michael and the threat Michael read there had him hurrying to step back, hands raised in surrender.

"At least be careful." Michael pleaded, giving in. Jason nodded shortly, and gritting his teeth against the pain, he made his way over to where Sam was huddled. Carly sat beside her, rubbing her back and murmuring to her, tears slipping down her face. She glanced up at Jason and he wasn't surprised to see the fury in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asked grudgingly, unable to ignore her love for her best friend, despite her anger. He nodded and she stood up, pointing a finger in his face.

"You better fix this." She growled threateningly. He put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly and nodded, before lowering himself to the ground. What he heard made him freeze in place, a whole new kind of agony ripping through him, this one much worse.

"No, please. Not again. I-I-I can't lose him again. Jason, please come b-b-back . I don't to be-be alone again. I c-c-can't bear the pain. I can't. I'm not-I'm not-I'm not strong enough. Oh God, he's gone. He's gone. He's gone" Sam's broken ramblings tore at him like tiny daggers, leaving him bleeding from a thousand cuts in his heart. Tears filled his eyes as he reached a hand out to touch her.

Carly blinked against the tears burning in her eyes as she backed away to give them some privacy. She knew the feelings of despair and loss gripping Sam right now. She'd felt it when she'd thought Sonny was dead. It was a pain that gutted you and stripped you bare, leaving you raw and vulnerable. Michael came up beside her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder in support. Grateful, she she smiled up at him, laying her head on her handsome son's shoulder. Together, they watched Jason try to pull Sam from the pit of despair she'd fallen into. He knelt on the ground beside her, blood seeping from his shoulder unnoticed.

"Sam, baby, look at me. I'm right here. You haven't lost me. You're never going to lose me. I told you I was going to love you forever and I meant it. Please look at me." He pleaded quietly, his voice breaking as she knocked his hands off of her, shaking her head back and forth wildly.

"No, you're just another dream, like last time. You were there. You came back, and you told me we were going to be happy. But when I turned around, you were gone. You were gone and I was alone." She finished brokenly, her voice hoarse.

He cupped her face, ignoring the blood dripping down his arm.

"Baby, look at me. I'm right here and I'm real. I'm here, Sam. Just open your eyes and look at me." He begged, desperate to end the torturous nightmare Sam was trapped in.

She shook her head again.

"If I open my eyes, you're going to disappear! You're going to leave me and Danny alone again. Why? Why, Jason?! Why couldn't you put us first? Why am I never first?" She asked pitifully, new sobs shaking her shoulders.

Jason felt the pain of her words like blows to the chest, each one leaving his heart more and more bruised. He couldn't stop the tears that were now slipping down his face. He cupped her cheeks and lifted her face to his.

"Sam, stop, please. Look at me, baby, I'm right here. I'm hurt but I'm alive. Sam, I'm alive and I'm here in front of you, begging you to look at me. Please." His voice broke, as a sob of despair rose in his throat. He was a bastard for putting Sam through this, he thought in disgust. He had married the strongest, most resilient woman he'd ever known and now he was terrified he had broken her. He knew he didn't deserve her, but he was going to make this up to her. He would make this right. He pulled Sam's fighting body against him, wincing when her hand slapped against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her struggling body, resting his cheek against the top of her head, rocking her back and forth.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He whispered.

Max and Milo looked at each other, blinking back the tears that came unwilling to their eyes. They'd never seen someone in pain like that before, and seeing how tender Jason was with Sam, they knew they were seeing real love.

"What's wrong with her? Can't she see that Jason is right there?" Milo whispered in confusion, worried about Sam.

Max shook his head, unsure.

"I think she's in shock." He guessed. Carly came up behind them, dabbing at the tears on her face.

"You've never lost your soulmate before so you don't know what that does to your soul, your heart, your mind. I'm one of the few people who can understand what Sam is going through." Her eyes were far away as she remembered how she'd felt when she'd thought Sonny was dead. "She thought she lost Jason, and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. She had to learn how to survive and keep going, to learn to live with only half her heart. And then she got a miracle. Jason came back."

Carly smiled slightly, remembering the joy and relief when Sonny had come back to her.

"And she was so happy and so grateful. But when you think you've lost someone, fear of losing him again is always in the back of your mind. Every missed call, every minute late, every sickness, every injury...her mind will always take her to that dark place she existed in where Jason was gone from her life. When Jason went back to work for Sonny, I think Sam was being pulled into that dark place again. Tonight, it was like all her worst fears came to life. She's trapped in that dark place. She can't get out." Carly was whispering now, her heart breaking for Sam.

Though she was speaking in a low voice, Carly's words traveled to Jason and he closed his eyes briefly. Hearing her words, it finally clicked for him. He only wished he'd understood when Sam had told him. Sam still wasn't responding, her cries wracking her small body.

"I was wrong. I never should have gone back to work for Sonny. And I should have known your fears weren't because you didn't believe in me. You were just trying to protect our family and the life we've built together. You were just doing what I should have done. I'm sorry, Sam." He whispered, leaning close to her ears. As he spoke, her breathing became less labored and it seemed as if her sobs were finally calming down. Eager for more progress, he kept talking.

"I'm not working for Sonny anymore. My family is more important to me. I choose you and Danny, Sam. Now and always. You're the ones I need, the ones that make me feel strong and alive. You guys are my life. I was an idiot to think I needed anything else. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, and how important you are to me. You always come first, Sam. Always. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. Please, Sam. Come back to me." He leaned back, and pressed his lips to her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips.

To his great relief, he felt her return his kiss, her arms tightening around him, clutching his back.

"Jason." She breathed out, her voice hoarse. Her eyes raised to his, clearing. "Jason." She repeated, closing her eyes briefly and letting out a shuddering breath.

Jason's eyes closed too, tears running down his face as relief swamped him. He hadn't lost his wife and he knew he'd finally made the right decision. The decision he should have made from the beginning.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here." He buried his face in her neck and just breathed.

Sam blinked blearily through eyes swollen from crying. Why was she on the floor? The last thing she remembered clearly was seeing Jason carried through the door, unconscious and bloody...Jason!

She pulled back, her eyes searching his body, landing on the torn and bloody skin visible beneath the torn shirt. She raised alarmed eyes to Jason's.

"Jason, your arm! You're hurt! Why hasn't anyone called for help? " She called out, looking around at everyone accusatorily.

Everyone looked at each other guiltily, but Michael stepped forward.

"Grandmother is on her way now. Tracy is with Danny." Michael reassured her quickly before she could ask.

Sam nodded, avoiding his eyes. She couldn't remember what had happened but she knew it must have been bad from the way everyone was staring at her. It was as if they were waiting for her to shatter like glass.

Sam turned back to Jason. She met his eyes and for the first time in a long time, she saw a look she hadn't seen in his eyes in years. Peace. It was as if he had finally come to terms with something and now the strain and pressure had just dropped away, leaving him calm and content.

She didn't know what it said about her that seeing him like that right now infuriated her. Fragments of images, of feelings - so many painful, unbearable feelings - were flashing through her head. Seeing Jason shot had yanked her out of her safe and happy world and dragged her into the depths of despair and she hadn't known how to get out. How ironic that it had taken the man who had sent her there to pull her out.

The more she thought about it, the more furious she became. She had never been more humiliated and ashamed. She'd completely fallen apart. Her, Samantha McCall, total badass, the original Hard Luck Kid, had fallen apart and crumbled. In front of everyone.

Jason's eyes widened briefly as Sam's eyes seemed to burn into his. Moments ago they had seemed weary and confused but as they became clearer, he could almost see the flames leaping just behind her gaze.

"Sam?" He said questioningly.

Sam tilted her head and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He braced himself, not sure what was coming, but knowing it wasn't good.

"Feeling okay?" She asked cheerfully, her voice saccharine sweet. "I mean, besides the obvious knife wound." She clarified with a patronizing grin.

Jason shifted uneasily, his eyes moving around the room. He paused, his eyes narrowing in Carly's direction when he caught her self-satisfied smirk. Her expression said "You brought this all on yourself."

He looked back at Sam and the sweet smile had dropped off her face.

"Because, you know, you look like you've just come back from the spa. You look really relaxed and at peace with yourself. As if, maybe, I don't know, your decision to stop working for Sonny was the right one? A decision you made not because your wife has been crying, and begging, and pleading with you for days not to go back to work for him. No, of course not. But because you decided not to."

"Sam-." Jason started, but Sam wasn't done.

"All it took for you to have this revelation was me. Not the strong, kick ass and take names Sam Mccall. But this weak, breakable version. Sam Morgan, who shatters like glass at the sight of your blood. Right?"

"Sam, don't. I know-." But she cut him off again, pacing back and forth in front of him. He shifted to watch her, wincing slightly as pain radiated down his arm.

"Let me tell you what I know. I know that I've spent the last few days barely eating, barely sleeping, barely talking, barely breathing, because my life was consumed with fear and anxiety. Then you're carried into our home, where our child lives, unconscious and bloody. Every fear and worry I had, came to life when you were carried through that door." She spun around to look at him hard.

"So tell me why it had to take me breaking into a thousand heartbroken, pathetic pieces for you to realize you were being an unbelievably selfish, self-absorbed jackass?"

Stunned, Jason just stared at her. Max and Milo looked at each other and shared a look. As one, they seemed to decide to make themselves scarce, easing past Sam and Jason and sliding out the door without a word. Only Michael and Carly remained, Carly looking smug and Michael looking vaguely ill.

"Sam, I -." But once again, Sam cut him off.

She let out a mirthless chuckle.

"You know, now that I think about it though, you've always been a bit of a clueless jackass. Always running off to play the hero and just expecting me to step aside and wait for you with a smile and open arms." She placed a hand on her chest. "And that's my fault because I was happy to do that. I was. I accepted your lifestyle and your need to put on your hero hair and save the day. Hell, it's one of the things that made me fall in love with you. It's still one of the things I love about you."

She stopped in front of him and met his eyes, her chocolate brown eyes swimming with righteous indignation.

"But here's the thing, Jason. We don't exist in a vacuum. Times have changed and so have I. We have a beautiful little boy who depends on us. You've only been a father to him for a few months. So when are you going to realize that your first responsibility is to us? When are you going to grow the hell up?"

The door flew open just then, and Monica hurried inside. Sam turned to look at her, her eyes a bit empty now.

"Perfect timing. Please, take care of his arm. He's in a lot of pain."

Monica's eyes zeroed in on Jason's blood-soaked arm and she rushed forward.

"My God, Jason. What happened?"

Jason watched Sam turn away and climb the stairs slowly. A small grin played at the corner of his lips.

"Apparently, my hero hair doesn't work anymore." He muttered. Monica stared at him questioningly but he just shook his head.

"Can you stitch this up?"

Monica shook herself, her eyes watching Sam disappear around the upstairs landing.

"Yes, yes, of course. But where's Sam off to? She's usually right here beside you at times like these."

Jason nodded in acknowledgement.

"I gave her a scare tonight and she's pretty mad at me right now. She needs time to cool off."

Monica glared at him.

"I don't blame her one bit. Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? Don't you know how many people love you? How you could even consider going back to work for Sonny is beyond me."

Jason just listened. He knew that everything Sam and Monica said was true. All he could do now was show Sam that he wasn't the same man he used to be. And that he'd let his own insecurities and stupidity make him forget that for a little bit. She was mad now and she had every right to be. But he hadn't missed the fact that even in all her anger, she'd noticed how much pain he was in. No matter how much anger there was, her love was always stronger.

He sat there as Monica patched him up and gave him a bottle of antibiotics. Michael nodded at him and left with Monica, leaving just Carly.

"I'll be right there, Michael." She said quickly, wanting a moment alone with Jason.

"Sonny wanted to come see you but I convinced him to keep his distance for now."

Jason nodded.

"That's probably for the best. I'll go see him later this week and let him know that I messed up by accepting his offer to come back. I never should have done it."

Carly narrowed her eyes at him.

"No, you shouldn't have. You need to make this right with Sam, Jason." She said warningly. He nodded.

"I will."

"Hmph." She sniffed before kissing his cheek carefully, and making her exit.

Jason closed the door and stared up the stairs, wondering if he'd even be welcome in their room. Taking a deep breath, he climbed up the stairs, wincing as every moment pulled at his fresh stitches. He moved silently down the hallway and paused outside the bedroom doo, his heart sinking. It was empty.

Just then, to his relief, the door to the adjoining bathroom swung open and Sam walked out, clad in a towel.

Jason stared.

"You took a shower." He said dumbly, stating the obvious. Sam rolled her eyes and gestured at herself.

"Yes, Jason. I took a shower." She replied in the tone of someone speaking to a moron. And he had to admit, it was a pretty moronic thing to say. He'd just been surprised and as always, the sight of her left him hard and wanting.

Sam seemed to read his mind because her eyes lowered and landed on the bulge in his pants. She seemed to swallow but then her eyes rose to his, and hers were filled with disbelief.

"You're joking, right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jason lips twisted in humor.

"You're beautiful when you're mad. And even more so when you're wet." He replied simply.

Sam stared at him. Then without a word, she dropped her towel, her large, firm breasts standing proudly. Jason dragged his eyes down her body and took in her flat stomach and waist that curved in and flared out over her shapely hips. Lower still was the small, neat patch of curls between her thighs. Licking his lips unwittingly, Jason shifted towards her. But in the next instant Sam was dropping a long, white chemise over her head, covering her body.

She aimed a long look at him.

"Not a chance."

With a smirk, she moved past him and flipped the covers back. Jason closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control his suddenly raging libido. A little more in control, he started to reach up to pull off his blood soaked t-shirt but hissed as the parts that had dried stuck to his flesh and pulled at his stitches.

Small hands pushed his aside and Jason looked down to see Sam raise a pair of scissors she'd pulled from the nightstand to his shirt. Moving carefully, she cut him out of the shirt. Sliding the shredded sides of his shirt out of the way, she eased it off of him.

Without speaking, she unbuckled his jeans and lowered them, waiting patiently for him to step out of them. Clad now in only his boxer briefs, and socks, Jason watched as she moved to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweats. Once again, she waited patiently as he stepped into his sweatpants, and then she pulled them up, letting the elastic waistband snap against his skin.

He reached out and grabbed her hand when she would have walked away.

"Thank you."

She paused and then nodded. She tried to pull her hand away but he didn't let go. He waited til she looked back at him over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Everything you said downstairs was right. I've been a jackass for a long time, never fully appreciating how lucky I was to have you in my life. I thought I could live the way I used and still have my family." He turned her until she was facing him, tilting her chin up to his face.

"But I was standing there, bleeding, and suddenly it hit me. I was being a fucking idiot. I have a gorgeous wife who loves me, who is loyal, who has my back, and who is an incredible mother to our perfect little boy. And I knew that I couldn't risk that. I had decided not to work for Sonny before I ever got home. It didn't take me seeing you fall apart to realize I had messed up. That broke my heart and just confirmed that I was making the right decision by choosing you and Danny."

He tucked a stray hair behind her ear and used his thumb to wipe away a tear that had escaped, slipping down her cheek.

"That peace you saw in my eyes? It was because I knew you would be okay and we would be together. I love you, Sam. More than I've ever loved anyone. And I'm never going to stop. I know I don't deserve it. But please, forgive me."

Sam stared up at him, moved despite herself. But there was still this ache in her heart from what he'd put her through. She couldn't just let that go.

"I can't." She whispered, pulling free and climbing into bed. Jason watched her, hurt for a moment. Steeling himself, he climbed into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"Jason, your arm!" She exclaimed in worry, turning to look at her.

"I don't care. I can't sleep if you're not in my arms." He said stubbornly, pushing her face into his chest and burying his in her neck.

"I'm not giving up. I'll make this up to you." He whispered softly. There was a long pause and he was just about to drop off to sleep when he heard her whispered response.

"I'm counting on it."

With a smile, Jason snuggled closer and closed his eyes, feeling himself drift to sleep.