Chapter 60: Being Superfluous
Murchad Crewe
Once again, I was superfluous!
As the third son to a prominent arl, superfluousness was a constant reality of being. My order of birth made me pointless, unnecessary and unvalued. The fact that I was smaller and weaker than my brothers did nothing to alleviate that fact.
In the face of all this, I became accustomed to being superfluous as a habit.
There were points when I valued my superfluousness. For the most part, my father ignored me in favor of my elder brothers. This freed me to follow my own pursuits in relative comfort and without fear of the man dogging my existence, unlike Mae. She could rail against the unfairness of everything and it only entitled her to more misery.
I, on the other hand, could read as I wished, wander as I wished and think as I wished. Speaking as I wished was the only impossibility in my unremarkable life since it would compromise the cloak of invisibility that my superfluousness became. Speaking out of turn could mark me as a threat to either my father or my brothers' whims. Silence seemed a reasonable price for those other small freedoms that I cherished. So I forgot what it was to speak my mind, if I ever truly knew how.
In the past weeks, with Mae's return, Fendril's death and my betrayal into slavery along with Sellose, somewhere in the midst of those days I ceased to be superfluous. Mae needed me to intervene to ensure Sellose's safety. Sellose discussed his plans and actions carefully with me, acting as though he valued my opinions and insights. I had purpose and goals, recognizing that those trapped in the mines with us needed us to act in order to save them.
It was simultaneously terrifying and invigorating.
Then we came across the Gray Wardens and suddenly I was reduced to superfluousness again. I realized that we had no chance of success without them and it alleviated my anxiety. Deep down however, though I would never admit it, the feeling of being returned to a position of superfluousness rankled me.
In a matter of days we had shifted from utter hopelessness to mad scurrying in preparation for a revolt. Sellose took everything in stride; he did not falter and began orchestrating the attack from within. It was as if he became a different person in the presence of the Wardens though he was competent and formidable before that point. However, in their presence he seemed more confident. He perceived them to be his equals in skill and knew how to discover and best utilize their talents.
Initially I had mused to myself whether a handful of dwarves could make a difference in the struggle to come. Surprisingly to me, once they knew the scope of our situation and what the goal was, they threw themselves into their respective jobs. Their resolve in their areas of expertise was stunning.
The dwarves who were introduced as the Glavonaks began examining the support structures of the Dwarven city. Continually arguing over the most strategic points to place explosives to produce the most effective amount of confusion without weakening the integrity of the caverns, they were interesting to behold with their bombastic exclamations, beard tugging and mysterious gestures.
The main concern was that a complete collapse would endanger the escaping workers. The eldest of the three, Voldrik was the name, kept the others in check, though barely. He encouraged them to remain focused and cautious while the middle one, Dworkin, seemed Fade-bent on creating the grandest explosion, consequences are damned. The youngest, their cousin and Dworkin's current apprentice, stood in their midst, listening to the back and forth, avoiding taking sides and just soaking in all that was said. Eventually Voldrik tempered Dworkin's intentions by arguing that they would want to return later to study the city without it being reduced to a monument of rubble, which seemed to reign in the explosion mad Glavonak considerably. It was ultimately decided that the bulk of the explosions should be concentrated on areas that weakened the walls near the outer doors, making the doors themselves inaccessible to the outside.
With a plan in place to compromise the immediate entrance and exit, the Dwarven cartographer had to plan multiple escape routes for the mine workers through the Deep Roads. It had been decided that we could not evacuate the entirety of the workers en masse, since the explosions could make tunnel safety unpredictable, so the workers would be divided up among the Wardens and led out using multiple tunnels. In order to make the maps necessary for each group, Seok began surveying the labyrinthine tunnels that webbed the caverns. He drew up multiple maps and, when he exhausted the supply of scrolls he had brought with him, he sketched the maps on old rags we managed to scrounge up with Cefin's help.
Sellose's former comrade, Oghren, and Warden Howe began to survey the workers, choosing some of the stronger, more able-bodied men and women for light training in arms and combat using picks and shovels as weapons. In the event of Templar resistance, these people would need to be able to repel them to help cover the escapes of some of the weaker workers. Those people were not going to be seasoned warriors in a matter of days, but with the sparsity of supervising Templars within the mine it offered those workers a chance to stand their ground.
In order to figure out groupings of workers to be evacuated, exact numbers had to be tallied. The Dwarven woman was assigned this task and I offered to help, hoping to stave off my general uselessness. Walking through the tunnels, the workers twittered about the plans. Some were excited; some struggled to remain impassive, afraid to surrender to hope when the odds were so great against success.
At the end of one such day of surveying and tallying, we trudged back to the meeting spot at the heart of the ghostly thaig. My superfluousness was a heavy mantle on my shoulders and it affected my feet as they dragged onward, causing loose schist to skitter across the rocky floors.
"Let me guess, honorary member?" the Dwarven woman suddenly quipped, shaking me from my pensive navel-gazing.
"Pardon?"
"The Legion of the Dead…are you an honorary member?"
"I am afraid I am unfamiliar with that fellowship," I replied, confused.
She shrugged, "I am a member of the Legion of the Dead. The long and the short of it is that we throw ourselves a funeral, go into the Deep Roads and kill darkspawn until we get killed in the process. Most are very somber or act like they are already dead and their bodies are only still moving because they haven't caught on to reality yet."
"You're implying that is how I am acting, I take it?" I rejoined after a pause.
"Yup," She nodded, "Not that it is any of my business if you choose to be that way, but we are coming into contact with a large number of people. If they see you like this, then what are they going to think? Feel however you want, but at least try to fake some optimism. I do a better job and I am a dead woman!"
"I'm sorry. Truly. I gave no thought to how I was being perceived. I believe all of you will get us out of this situation," I apologized, trying to reassure her of my faith.
She paused in her stride, turned and squinted up at me thoughtfully, "You said `you will get us out of this situation'…are you not helping?"
"Well, I'm really not doing much…all of you are conferring with Sellose and planning. You are formidable warriors or have useful skills to deal with the struggles we face. You're heroes. I'm just…I'm not…" the explanation trailed off and I felt sheepish for my limitations.
After a moment understanding lit her eyes and she nodded, "I used to be a lot like you. I thought I had nothing to offer, that I might as well be dead because I had no other use and I screwed up everything I touched, letting down the people who risked believing in me."
Hanging my head, feeling ashamed for being such a burden, I wanted to sink into the floor for bothering her with my petty worries, but she suddenly swatted me in the side with her hand…and she wore greaves, "Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself! We don't have time for it. You want to be useful, then make yourself useful. You're helping me keep the numbers straight and you are going to have to help lead people out of here. Look over the maps, learn the names of the people under your charge and offer an extra set of hands where you can. That is all any of us are really doing anyway. We're not heroes here; we are just trying to help."
She grinned at me and I tried to force a smile in return, "So, we're not heroes?"
"Nope, just some dusters in the dark trying to make good. I doubt anyone ever sets out to try and be a hero…unless you are Lord Lemmink who thinks he'll be heroic by birth. Usually that type fails miserably when the stone hit the cavern, so to speak." She had been walking down the cavern again before turning abruptly and demanding, "You hear me?"
"Yes Lady," I answered.
Her brow skewed quizzically before informing me, "Sorry, not a hero and not a lady either. The name is Sigrun."
I felt myself smirk at this declaration, but nodded anyway, "I understand and I heed you, Sigrun. Thank you."
"Alright, now let's get back to the others before…" She stopped and inclined her head, as if she could hear something. Turning, she peered down a tunnel that forked off our intended path, pulling out her sword.
About that moment I thought I heard voices and footsteps from the tunnel. A ghostly light could be seen flickering deep in the cavern. Sigrun beckoned me to follow her and edged toward the tunnel quietly.
"It's not one of the others?" I hissed.
"No one was supposed to be in these portions of the tunnels, unless Seok somehow looped back during his surveys, but that isn't torch light." She quietly intoned, "It isn't darkspawn or I'd feel it. Just keep quiet until we can figure it out."
The light began to recede and we quickly scuffled after it, hoping not to make too much noise. The tunnel let out at the edge of the river that ran through the city and the sound of the water further obscured the voices, but the light remained ahead of us, moving towards the city, we looped back to our intended destination by a different route. We finally caught up with the mysterious party when the tunnel opened out to the edge of the abandoned dwellings of the city commons. The party began to gape around them in awe and wonder, except for one dark haired woman who scrutinized everything with a demeanor of disdain. Though one glance at her lovely, frowning face made my heart to stutter, it was the unexpected shock of seeing Bruna's face among their number that caused me to run forward, almost forgetting my companion.
"Hold, you fool, they're armed!" Sigrun shouted, catching me by the arm. The escort, Avvar warriors from their appearance, surprised by our sudden appearance then turned on us, weapons poised to defend themselves from attack.
"I know her," I explained both to Sigrun and the men, gesturing towards Bruna, trying to calm everyone.
"Murchad?" Bruna exclaimed in disbelief as she elbowed past the men, gesticulating in her native tongue as she made her way to me and we embraced. The guards relaxed their stance somewhat, though their eyes remained wary, as did Sigrun.
After a moment, Bruna stepped back and placed her palms on either side of my face, searching my eyes, "Are you…well?"
"I am well," I reassured her, "put your heart at ease. Apparently I am made of sterner stuff than I would have credited."
Her eyes closed a moment, perhaps in relief, perhaps in prayer, and when they opened they were shining, "Thank the Maker for small mercies."
"Sorry to interrupt, but who are you?" Sigrun pressed, finally sheathing her sword.
"This is Bruna," I elucidated as I turned back to her, "she was my nurse as a boy. She helped to raise me."
"I am here to help," Bruna further expounded, "tomorrow a force will be attacking the Templar's fort outside of the mine. We are here to weaken the defenses from this side."
It was at this moment, on these words that Sellose appeared with Oghren and Warden Howe, running in from another part of the cavern. They had been speaking in low tones, but stopped short on seeing us and Sellose jerked back, startled.
"Andraste's holy pink knickers!" he breathed before running forward and clasping Bruna to his chest.
"I'm sorry," he murmured brokenly, his eyes squeezed tight, "I failed."
Bruna wriggled free, "Not so, my king, not so. See here!" With that she pulled him after her, guiding him past the group of the Avvar warriors to where another woman stood behind them. It took a moment for both Sellose and I to ken who she was, but then I gasped.
The woman looked confused for a moment, and then it was as if a cloud rolled back from her face. She hesitantly stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on his cheek, stroking the beginnings of a beard that had grown thicker since she had last seen him, "You are hairier, my friend."
"Letha," Sellose choked in disbelief.
"I am…me." She tried to reassure him, but her words were uncertain.
"How is this possible?" he cried in awe.
The dark haired woman, who he had failed to notice up to that time, stepped forward, "That would be due to me."
Sellose spun to face the woman on hearing her words, he regarded her silently, and a wash of emotions so varied I could not register them all flowed over his features. After a moment, perhaps realizing how nakedly his demeanor was arrayed, he schooled his features into an impassive mask, "I would bemoan the fact that I find myself in your presence again, but if you speak true then I am in your debt."
"I will keep that in mind," she nodded.
"I have no doubt that you will, but at the moment I am beyond caring about your machinations. We are in the midst of grave trouble," He turned from her dismissively, refocusing his attention on Bruna, "How and why are you here?"
Sigrun cut in, "They have said a force will be attacking the Templars in the fort outside the mine tomorrow. This is good, right?"
"They require us to disable some of the defenses from within if they hope for success," Bruna added, "Ser Lion will be leading the force of fifty Avvar warriors strong."
Sellose's smile seemed somewhat rueful, "Either the Maker is merciful or He is mocking our preparation. We have just what they require! Come, I must explain what has happened here." With that he led them all toward the Warden encampment at the heart of the abandoned settlement.
I witnessed it all, and yet I hardly registered everything that really passed at that time. I watched as they all strode away, my eyes drinking in the sight of the dark haired woman as she walked. She was entrancing and I could not tear my eyes from her, even as I was left behind by all the others. I didn't notice that Oghren had come to stand by me, looking up at my dazed expression with distaste.
"Don't get any ideas, my boy," he warned, "She may look tasty but you would be chiseling ice off your balls for a month."
The implications startled me and I stared down at him with horror.
"Just sayin', she is not the warmest one to take to your bunk…even if you could gain her good will. In fact, I doubt she has any good will to be had."
I sputtered for a moment before forcing out, "You know her?"
"I don't know her, if that is what you are asking," he chuckled, "I doubt any man knows her, truth be told."
"I meant, `are you are acquainted with her?'" I adjusted my wording, trying to move past Oghren's licentious implications.
"She travelled with us and the Hero of Ferelden during the Blight," Oghren qualified before smacking me on the back close to where Sigrun had slapped me earlier and I winced, "Now, let's join the others. I don't want to be left out."
I trailed behind the chortling dwarf to join the rest of our fast growing band, curious to witness how our tale would further unfold.