My eyes fill with tears, so I lift my head up
I smile a little so they won't fall
Why are you like this to me, what are you saying?
The two of you make quick work of the picnic supplies, and an idyllic picnic is set up before your very eyes. You take the time to admire your work as Red sits down. Noticing that you're still standing up, he pats the space beside him in a wordless offer for you to take a seat. At first you think nothing of it and plop down next to him. However, as he reaches out his arm to grab a plate, his arm brushes yours, and you are suddenly hyperaware of the close proximity between you two. Your eyes widen and you try to calm your beating heart.
Perhaps you're just over thinking it?
Although your mind keeps telling you to stop deluding yourself with the smallest notions that he could feel the same way that you do, your heart urges you to reflect on the warmth of his touch, the caring tone of his voice, and the gentleness that always reflects in his eyes whenever he's around you.
You quickly peek at him once more, but he still manages to catch you. Before you can duck your head in embarrassment, he immediately gives you one of his bright smiles, leaving you utterly defenseless, and you think to yourself that maybe… Just maybe…
He could like you back.
Red, none the wiser, looks at you directly as he starts talking about some of your fellow Dex Holders. As hard as you try to keep up with the admittedly one-sided conversation, you find that his words go in through one ear and out the other while you happily bask in the attention that he gives solely to you. Feeling motivated, and a tad bit braver, you slowly inch closer to Red as he carries the conversation. Nonchalantly, he backs up from you a bit as he continues to chatter away, and a small frown forms on your face.
"You know, Yellow, you're such a good senior to them." his words suddenly register in your mind. "You're an amazing friend."
You feel a bit disheartened at his "friend" statement, but you decide to push your luck and say, "Thank you, Red…"
Come on! You urge yourself. You can do this!
"I know it may seem bold, and maybe even a bit abrupt or unlike me to say this, but… sometimes I wonder if anyone would ever think of me as maybe, more than a friend, you know?"
You can't quite read the look on Red's face, but that hardly matters to you as he begins to speak once more, that same, charming smile appearing yet again.
"That's ridiculous, Yellow! You're one of the greatest and most compassionate people I've ever met. You're really kind to everyone, and I don't think that you realize how much of an effect you have on others."
You feel the familiar blush return to your cheeks. You were definitely not expecting him to say these nice things about you.
"You're really special, Yellow…you know that?" he continues, flashing one of those smiles that make you feel weak in the knees.
Is… is this it? Is he really about to…?
"And the way you connect with Pokémon is just amazing!"
Wait…what?
"Come to think of it, all of our friends are pretty incredible. I mean for starters-"
As Red continues on with his ramblings about the outstanding qualities of your fellow Dex Holders, you can feel your heart ache.
It's always like this. Every single time you put your heart out on the line for him he brushes it off without a second thought, and he shoots you down without even realizing it. Lately, you've been starting to think that it isn't because he's dense, or because he's oblivious to your feelings. In fact, it's probably the exact opposite.
He doesn't see me that way at all, does he? He just thinks of me as another friend… Yes, he may think that I'm special, but I'll never be special to him in that way.
You try not to let your anguish show, but find it hard to as your mind is swarmed with thoughts.
And after the way I acted earlier… No wonder he backed away from me when I tried to be a bit more forward.
Frustrated at yourself and the situation that you found yourself in, you feel hot tears welling up in your eyes.
Not now… Not here. Not in front of him.
Red, suddenly taking notice of your silence, stops midsentence and immediately questions if you're okay.
"Did something happen when you fell earlier? Take it easy, alright? You really know how to make a guy worry sometimes."
The pain in your chest grows stronger.
It's just not fair for him to be like this and then suddenly say the kind of things that always make you want to go back to him.
Abruptly, you stand up and face him, head bowed in apology. In actuality, you're just trying to hide your facial expression.
"I'm really sorry Red, but I just remembered that I have something that I need to do."
As you say this, you lift up your head and smile at him, unwilling to let him see your tears fall.
"Yellow…" you hear him murmur. "Well if it's that important, okay. At least let me walk you back."
Why are you like this to me? What are you saying?
Your heart tells you that he still cares for you, but after that startling conclusion that you finally came to today – after finally facing the truth – your mind tells you it's just not in that way. It'll probably never be in that way.
Just how long were you so blinded by your feelings that you never noticed it?
You shake your head and struggle to maintain the smile on your face. "You don't have to do that for me. It's fine. Sorry again. I'll…see you around."
Without waiting for his reaction, you promptly spin around and begin to walk away from him with as much composure as you can muster. Once you are absolutely sure that you can't feel him staring at your back anymore, you start running back to your house. Upon reaching your home, you immediately dart into your room and shut the door behind you. Finally, as you slide down against the door, you allow yourself to shed your tears.
All these years… wasted by foolishly pining over him, when you were too blind to see that he never even liked you that way – probably never even considered the thought of you two together, not even for a second.
And what makes you hate yourself the most, even after coming to that realization is…
You still have those feelings for him.
"I like him." you whisper to yourself. "I like him. I like him. I like him. I like him. I like him."
You repeat this over and over like a mantra, until you feel somewhat of a numbness spread throughout you, replacing the pain. Curled up into a pathetic ball against your door, you allow your sobs to wrack through your body, one thought on your mind.
What do I do?
All the things we talked about go to the sky
The words I have never said
The words I didn't know I'd say as I cried
I like you, what do I do?