A/N: *sings Cee Lo Green* Fuck you...
Oh Edward, letting your ego get in the way. Tsk tsk.
Chapter 6.
Forget You
Bella's POV
I walked hastily out of Bio, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I should have walked straight past Edward with my head held high, letting him know that he hadn't got the better of me, but I couldn't. My face was burning with mortification, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing just how much he had hurt me.
This is what happens when I let my guard down—when I expect more from people.
Mike's incessant chatter beside me was a good distraction; it kept me from focusing too much on what happened at lunch. He'd intercepted me on the way to Bio, offering for me to sit next to him if I wanted to avoid "Cullen"—as he had said.
I did, but now I was starting to regret that as well. What would running from Edward prove? At home the only way I got the boys off my back was standing up to them—usually with Rach as a back-up. I should have stayed exactly where I was and let Edward know, in no uncertain terms, that he'd made a huge mistake treating me the way he had. But I had no one to back me up here, and Alice—as much as I valued her friendship—was more than likely going to defend him.
And I was a coward, and the prospect of being treated differently by boys from now on had given me a false sense of security.
I'd fallen straight into it—again!
The emotion of it began to ache behind my forehead. A perfect mixture of anger and humiliation, but it wasn't only at Edward I was angry at; I was far angrier at myself.
I walked to the gym with Mike's voice like white noise beside me. I was too distracted to properly hear him, but I wasn't distracted enough not to realise everyone was staring at me—again. In Australia it was because I was the daughter of Renee Dwyer—no further explanation required—here it was because I was some kind of conquest for Edward Cullen to get back at my cousin.
It wasn't as if no one had warned me; Jake had tried every day, but I had become too swayed by a pair of blue-green eyes and a charming—altogether too confident—grin. This was despite the fact that I was beginning to think he had some kind of anger issue.
In only two weeks I had become the person I swore I never would!
"So, what do you think, Bella? Are you in?" Mike's voice quickly snapped me back to the present moment.
We were standing just outside the doors to the gym, about to go in. The icy drizzle had turned into a downpour, but I wasn't registering it. I was already trembling and it wasn't from the weather.
"Uh … in on what, Mike?" I asked, too on edge to feign courtesy.
He paused, looking uncertain all of a sudden. "The movies ... with me, Jake and Nessie."
He was asking me out? Asking me out because I sat beside him in one class? Did he think I was some kind of "easy score" too? Just like my mother?
Well, fuck him, and fuck Edward Cullen!
Scoffing loudly, I only reefed open the doors of the gym—letting them slam behind me—and stormed inside to the girls' locker room.
Alice was waiting for me.
"Bella, God! I can't believe Edward! Are you OK?" she asked me anxiously, her eyes shining with concern.
I nodded, jerking my shoulders, pissed off, but more so at the pain of humiliation that was continuing to lurk just beneath the surface.
She flashed me a warm, sympathetic smile and said carefully, "I don't know what to say, Bella. I have no idea why Edward would say such a thing."
I do. Because I was the perfect pawn to hurt Jacob, I wanted to tell her, but I didn't. Instead, I shook my head and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my palm roughly. It was really beginning to ache with the threat of tears. Something I would not succumb to.
I cried over a lot of things, but it was sure as hell never because of boys!
"I don't really want to talk about it," I replied lowly, stiffly.
Alice only gauged me for a moment, before asking again with apprehension, "Are you sure you're okay, Bella? You look a little … green." Tentatively, she reached over, touching my arm gently, and that was all it took to push me over the edge.
My eyes welled with tears. "I'm fine!' I insisted, even as my voice quivered, completely contradicting me.
Placing her arm around my shoulders, Alice lowered me to the bench beside us, and like the pitiful wretch I was, I lost it. "He—he humiliated me, Alice!" I stammered in between sobs, the volume of my voice increasing angrily with each word I spoke.
"I know… I'm so sorry," she spoke softly with genuine sincerity as she tightened her arms around me consolingly.
I let the tears consume me for a moment. They were stemmed from anger just as they were from hurt and humiliation, so in a way, I was almost glad to be ridding myself of them. Alice continued to comfort me without saying a word. I half expected her to mention Edward; offer up some excuse for his bad behaviour, anything, but she said nothing, and I was grateful for it.
I was done with boys, and I wanted to wipe Edward from my mind as soon as possible.
Becoming frustrated at myself for expending so much emotion over what was self-inflicted, I wiped my face dry and stubbornly rose to my feet.
"Do you feel better now?" Alice asked me gently.
I nodded.
I didn't. I felt like an idiot, and I wanted to scoff bitterly at my own stupidity. I'd fallen into a trap that I never would have from the boys in Australia. I was right all along; Edward was no different from any of them.
From beside me, I heard Alice sigh heavily. "Do you want me to tell Coach Clapp that you don't feel well?"
I nodded a second time, flashing Alice a grateful smile, but I should have been ashamed of myself for even contemplating running away.
I wasn't.
She disappeared to speak to the coach, returning a few moments later. "Come on, I've got to escort you to the nurse."
Sighing inwardly in relief, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, following Alice out of the gym.
"Can you ask Mike if he wouldn't mind driving Jake home?" I asked her after a moment of silence, cringing slightly. I didn't like the idea of asking Mike for anything, but I couldn't just go home and leave Jake stranded.
"Sure, no probs," Alice replied warmly.
We continued along again in silence until we were within reach of the office, when Alice turned to me, her normally bright eyes burning with guilt.
"Bella," she began delicately," Edward—"
"Alice..." I interjected quietly. Just the mention of his name caused my stomach to clench and it frustrated the hell out of me. I couldn't decide if he'd humiliated me more than he'd hurt me, but what I did know was that I didn't want to think about it—or him!
"All right, Bella, but can I just say one thing?" she asked, her tone tentative. She reached up and rubbed her forehead, with guilt clearly etched there. It bothered me; she wasn't responsible for him.
"What?" I asked reluctantly.
"What Edward said today is a long way off what he feels for you—I know this for a fact," she insisted, and her eyes that searched mine were wide and sincere.
I knew she would defend him. He was her brother, what was she supposed to do? But I only huffed again. She obviously thought it would give me comfort, but it didn't. It gave me the opposite effect; an emotion I was trying to keep from getting a stranglehold over me. If Edward truly did feel something for me, then it made it a whole lot worse than if he was just using me from the very beginning.
Because he still said it—announced it, was closer to the truth—to the entire school, that he thought I was so damn easy he could fuck me in his sleep!
Well why not? It was what everyone thought about me.
"It doesn't change anything, Alice," I replied with an irritated sigh. As much as I was pissed off, I was in the midst of an internal battle that I knew I was losing. As much as I wanted to deny it, I was forced to acknowledge I had felt something for Edward, enough that I was prepared to let down my guard with him.
Alice squeezed my shoulder consolingly, but didn't reply. There was no way I'd be able to accurately portray the emotion I wanted to, anyway. I wanted to be indifferent, but I had never felt that way about him—even that first day in Bio when he had treated me like crap.
I really was this pathetic.
It wasn't hard to convince Mrs Cope to let me go home early. It was the last period of the day and I wasn't sick enough that I couldn't drive myself home. The only condition was that she had to call Billy and let him know. I could handle that. Billy had a couple of grown daughters, so unlike The General, he wasn't as awkward around me.
Alice accompanied me to the parking lot. It was drizzling and ridiculously cold as usual, but ironically I found myself welcoming it. Shivering was a good cover, a good distraction.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," she said gently, and she looked completely overrun with guilt.
It irritated me, and I wanted to tell her that none of it was her fault. I didn't want her to feel responsible for having a wanker for a brother, but I wanted to avoid bringing up Edward, so I ignored it. "Bye, Alice," I replied, flashing her a warm, grateful smile.
"Bella—I'm really sorry!" she suddenly burst, and this time the guilt was blatantly obvious in her expression.
"It's not your fault, Alice," I said earnestly, but the subject of Edward was really beginning to irritate me more than anything else. He'd hurt me—though that was my own fault—but it pissed me off even more that he'd hurt Alice. I was so over people like him—like every boy I'd ever known, and like Renee. People who would hurt me over and over if I allowed it.
I'd be damned before I let Edward hurt me again.
"He's ... he's my stupid brother..." Alice mumbled, biting her lip and releasing her breath.
"You can't help that he's your brother," I said with a shrug of my shoulder, but I regretted those words immediately. Edward was a lot of things, but he was still Alice's brother, and it was a crappy thing for me to say to her.
She looked down awkwardly and nodded in response.
I huffed shortly, frustrated at myself, before flashing her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Alice."
Her eyes widened, and she stared at me in surprise. "Whatever for, Bella?"
"I shouldn't put you in the middle. He's your brother," I confessed in a quiet voice.
Alice scoffed. "He deserves it all!"
Shrugging to myself again and pushing Edward from my thoughts, I climbed into the car. Alice waved at me; the look of guilt still the primary factor on her expression. I waved back and flashed her a heartfelt smile, before driving out of Forks High School and wishing I didn't have to return. My high school back in Australia was suddenly looking very appealing. At least there the boys left me alone and I had three of the best friends imaginable.
The instant my thoughts wandered to the guys, tears slipped down my cheeks before I was able to stop them. As pathetic as I was, I was able to convince myself it was because of how much I missed them, and not because of Edward and how much he'd humiliated me today.
. . .
It was an unnerving feeling walking into Billy's house when it was empty. It brought back memories of all the times I was left at home alone while Renee was out on one of her many dates and sleepovers. I didn't like it. I preferred the house when it was full of the sounds of Billy and Jake—even Nessie, because all I could hear at that moment was the sound of my thoughts.
Trudging up to my room, I was immediately greeted by Josh's smiling face. Jacob had told me I could take the posters down if I wanted to, but it didn't seem right. Besides, Josh's face was comforting. His was the first face I seen as I woke every morning, reminding me that I was no longer in my dim, little hovel of a room at Renee's house any more.
Josh was staying.
Ignoring the multitudes of pink pens that were on my bedside table, I turned on my laptop, before I did the same with my IPod speaker. I needed to drown out my thoughts—and the eerie silence of the house.
On second thought, I needed to get rid of all these bloody pens!
Huffing out my breath in frustration, I grabbed them from the side table and launched them one by one towards the waste paper basket that was a couple of metres away, against the wall. Only about one in ten landed in it; the rest scattered across the timber floor of my room, making it appear abstract.
"I hate the colour pink, anyway!" I burst out loud, after throwing the last pen at the wall—it bounced off and landed in the bin.
Laughing to myself dryly, I flopped myself down on my bed and clicked open my Facebook; ignoring the friend request from Edward I'd received a few days earlier that I had yet to accept. I should have deleted it, but I didn't.
There was message from Nummi. My heart immediately warmed and as I clicked it open, it dissolved all my irritation in an instant.
Hey Bells,
Okay, I gotta say, this Edward business is a little Twilight Zone. The pen thing is cute, don't get me wrong, but what's freaking me out is your reaction to it. Either boys in America don't fear your look of death, or this guy is different. You can talk about how up himself and immature he is, but it's not fooling anyone. Rach googled the Forks high school Baseball team, but we can't work out who he is. Send us a pic!
Nothing really new is going on here. There's a new farm hand working with Dad, his name is Mick, he's asked me out to the flicks on Friday. He's a bit of a spunk too. I'll let you know how it goes. Kel got a job working at Target, and Rach … is Rach.
Have you bought an iPhone yet?
Anyways, it's late and we have the swimming carnival tomorrow.
Love ya and miss ya heaps and heaps and heaps!
Nummi xox
PS: is it snowing there?
She'd attached a picture of the four of us a couple of days before I left, and as I gazed at it for so long, it eventually blurred and wavered behind my building tears.
I missed them—that was all it was.
With my music blaring, I pulled out my homework and started it, stopping only when I heard Jake and Nessie come through the front door.
I owed my cousin an apology!
Switching off my iPod, I headed for the door when there was a knock on it.
"Bella? It's Nessie."
Opening the door, I smiled at her sheepishly. "Hey, Ness."
She smiled back quickly. "Hey, Bella. Mind if I come in?"
"Sure," I said, opening the door wider and stepping aside.
We sat back down on my bed, and when she smiled at me this time, it looked as if it was out of remorse. "Are you okay? You look like you've been..." she abandoned the sentence as her gaze surveyed me more intently.
"I'm fine. I-I have a head ache—and doing my homework made it worse," I lied, and knowing I sounded completely unconvincing.
"Jake sent me up to see how you were and to apologise. He feels really rotten, Bella," Nessie finally confessed, her tone gentle and full of guilt.
Guilt? Why was everyone but that asshole, Edward, feeling guilty? I wanted to burst, feeling my face flame at just the thought. And as I fumed for a moment, I failed to properly grasp her meaning.
Then it hit me. "Does he think I'm angry at him?" I asked surprised.
She only nodded.
"Why? For defending me? Protecting me? Not being completely offended when I refused to listen to his warning?" I exclaimed, my voice rising as the anger and frustration at myself grew.
Jacob had been the sweetest person in the world to me since I'd come to live with him and Billy, and like the ingrate that I was, I repaid him by throwing his worst enemy in his face every day.
Nessie smiled and shrugged before replying stoically, "He lets things with Edward get the better of him though, and he knew you were caught in the middle."
"He tried warning me about Edward, and I didn't listen," I said softly, feeling the shame prickle to the surface of my face.
"Bella, it's not your fault. What happened with Jake and Edward happened long before you came here," Nessie insisted. Her expression remained gentle, but there was an edge of anger to her tone.
I looked over at her, and frowned. Did I really want to know? Did I really want another reason to hate Edward?
"You might as well tell me what happen between them," I conceded.
She took a deep breath, beginning, "You know how Alice had cancer...?" Her words faded off. I can only imagine it was due to the total expression of horror that had transformed my entire face.
"What?!" I exclaimed in disbelief.
"You didn't know?" Nessie asked surprised. "Well, it's probably not something she feels comfortable talking about," she quickly added as if to spare my feelings, but it wasn't my feelings that I was suddenly feeling sick over.
"When did she have cancer?" I asked, my voice choking over that word.
"A couple of years ago. I'm not really sure of the details. She went away to a city hospital and Edward went totally off the rails. People were saying things and there were rumours going around, then one day Edward attacked Jake saying that he was laughing about what was happening with Alice," Nessie paused, before scoffing, her expression hardening further." He broke Jake's eye socket, and Billy was going to have Edward charged."
Drawing my breath in, I subconsciously brought my hand up to cover my mouth. Jake had a small scar just below his right eye, and I wondered suddenly—feeling myself becoming reflexively tense—if Edward had been the cause of it.
Nessie nodded in agreement, her expression darkening. "Jake said he heard the rumours but other than that he barely knew Alice and Edward. As if Jake would laugh over something like that—especially considering his mother died a few years before. You know that, right?"
I shook my head in vehement agreement. "Of course."
"Jake's hated Edward ever since, and he's eager to settle the score with him," Nessie added her forehead creasing as her eyes reflected her sudden concern.
I scoffed, shaking my head to myself. "That's not half obvious."
"You know how big he is now?" she continued. Her eyes were glazed with pain and I almost shied away from what she was about to tell me.
I only nodded.
"When Edward beat him up he was small—one of the shortest in his class," Nessie paused her eyes welling with angry tears. "Edward took all his anger out on him, and Jake had no way of defending himself."
I thought back immediately to my first day in Biology, and how badly Edward had treated me. His over protectiveness of Alice explained his irrational behaviour to an extent. It was commendable, it really was, but at the same time, Edward was evidently the kind of person who acted first and asked questions later.
He was the last person I needed in my life.
I'd spent seventeen masochistic years of my life living in chaos as Renee's daughter. I wouldn't allow a handsome face to put me in that position again.
"Are you okay, Bella?" Nessie asked me, snapping me from my brooding thoughts.
"Yeah, sorry."
She gazed at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "Bella ... do you like Edward?" she asked me with delicate apprehension.
Her question jarred me. Did I? No one had ever asked me that directly.
I decided to answer as honestly as I could. "I thought I liked him, Nessie, but ... not anymore."
I was satisfied with that—sort of.
Nessie and I walked back down stairs together where Jacob stood grinning at me sheepishly. Flashing him a huge, knowing grin, his face immediately lit up like a Christmas tree.
"You big dope. Why would I be angry at you?" I threw my arms around his neck, almost needing a springboard to reach him.
He engulfed me in his arms, practically crushing my ribs and knocking the wind out of me. I found myself wondering—while attempting to recover my breath—how Nessie, as tiny as she was, managed to go home unscathed every day.
"I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean for you to get hurt today. I just wanted you to see Cullen the way he really is." Aside from the 'Cullen' part, Jake's voice was otherwise tender.
"I did see, Jake," I said quietly, before continuing, "but just promise me you'll leave him alone from now on. He's not worth all this stress."
Jake's grin widened before he answered with a hint of aggression. "So long as he hasn't got his hooks into you, Bells, I'm happy."
"He definitely has no hooks in me," I replied with a pseudo grin, as a twinge of regret accosted me.
I hung out with Nessie and Jake for a few hours—while they slopped over each other until I could no longer take it—before retreating back up to my room to finish my homework. But the moment I walked through the door I almost slipped on one of the wayward pens I'd thrown across the room earlier.
"Bugger it!" I blurted, in angry frustration.
I was suddenly furious, and throwing myself on my hands and knees, I gathered all the pens up that were scattered across the floor, before shoving them angrily in an empty shoe box.
"You can have your pens back, Edward, and I hope you choke on them!" I muttered out loud as I picked up the final pen and threw it in.
Shoving the box under my bed, out of sight, I decided to head back downstairs. The prospect of being subjected to Jake and Nessie's affections was suddenly more appealing than being alone with my thoughts.
At five-thirty Uncle Billy arrived home and I started dinner; happy for a proper distraction. We ate in uncomfortable silence as Billy sat scrutinising me. He'd obviously received the phone call from the school nurse that I was coming home unwell, but he didn't question me about it.
I helped Jake clean the kitchen before retiring early to bed. I was exhausted and was glad to be seeing the end of the day of what was becoming a trend of horrendous days since I'd started at Forks High School.
. . .
The next morning as I climbed into the jeep, I was clutching the shoebox of pens under my arm with resolve. Jake eyed them suspiciously, giving me a funny look, but didn't question me about them. I assumed the look on my face put him off.
We drove in silence, stopping to pick up Nessie before heading to school.
I noticed Edward's silver car immediately as I pulled into the parking lot. He and Alice were standing beside it looking as if they were arguing. My heart quickened; I had not expected him to be waiting for me.
"Are you okay, Bells?" Jake asked me before he closed the back door. He and Nessie had exited the car, but I remained in the driver's seat, gathering my courage.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Jake. You guys go ahead. I'll see you later, okay?" I replied, with a forced smile.
I remained in the Jeep psyching myself up. It took several minutes and it wasn't made any easier with Edward's gaze constantly on me. It angered me, because I could feel myself becoming compromised as I sat there.
Shaking my head and pulling myself hastily together, I jumped out of the car before I could talk myself out of it. Then, raising my head high with determination, I walked with shaky legs toward him. As I approached, he looked up and over to me, and as our eyes locked together, I faltered, my resolve instantly wavering. Edward's eyes, which were normally so intense, were pleading and full of remorse. But pushing all uncertainty from my mind, I sucked in my breath, walked straight up to him and shoved the box of pens directly into his chest.
"Sleep with these, Edward!" I blurted, emphasising his name angrily; though I hadn't planned on saying a thing to him.
He didn't attempt to take the pens from me, and they fell to the ground and scattered all around us.
I walked away quickly, because again my resolve was about to crumble. The resigned look in his eyes shook me, and as angry as I was with him, I was suddenly fighting a masochistic urge inside me that longed to walk back and wrap my arms around him.
I was clearly insane.
I was in the midst of an internal battle of self-loathing when Alice caught up with me.
"Bella!" she called falling into step with me.
"Hi Alice," I mumbled averting my eyes. I didn't want her to see the treasonous thoughts I was struggling with.
"Hey, I know you have every right to be angry, but Edward is so sorry, Bella. He really is," she offered gently.
I sighed frustrated with myself and annoyed that Alice would offer up such a pathetic excuse in defence of her brother. "Sorry is he?" I demanded. "He was sorry last time!"
She sighed, nodding in understanding, and shrugged. "You're right, Bella," she conceded quietly.
I turned back to her instantly apologetic, not meaning to be so blunt—especially at her.
"Bloody hell—I'm sorry, Alice." I sighed.
She broke into a warm chuckle, gazing at me in wonder. "Bella, why are you apologising?"
Because I was a pitiful excuse for a human being and moving thousands of miles away from Renee had not changed it, I immediately thought, but I would never burden Alice with knowledge of my mother.
"I didn't mean to take it out on you, Alice, that's all," was my eventual reply.
Alice sighed with a teasing exaggeration. "Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella, what are we going to do with you?" She slung her arm around my hunched shoulders before dragging me enthusiastically to class.
And despite myself, I broke into a reluctant smile.
...
I went through the halls with my eyes lowered, even with Alice beside me. I was determined to stay indifferent to Edward, but was worried I'd look up and find myself staring into those dejected eyes of his again and completely crumble.
There was no words for how pathetic this made me, but I refused to waver, and this preoccupation I was struggling with over him, was making me feel like my mother's daughter.
Before fourth period, I went to my locker and discovered a folded note inside. I had almost expected a dozen pens to fall out, but it was only a piece of paper. Releasing my breath deeply, I thought for a moment about throwing it away. Instead, with trembling hands, I opened it. At the sight of Edward's handwriting and despite the fact that I was expecting it, my chest tightened.
Bella,
I'm not even going to bother to offer an apology for my behavior yesterday, because there aren't words enough to excuse me. Just please know that what I said was not what I feel about you. I just hope that you can forgive me ... again.
Edward.
I only stared down at his handwriting reading and re-reading it over and over as my resolve wavered then snapped back repeatedly.
Was I unable to hate him in light of everything he'd done to Jacob? To me...?
I was aghast. He was not Renee! I was not Renee. What the hell was the matter with me? I was still making the same mistakes.
So much for my fresh start, I thought to myself, scoffing beneath my breath.
As I headed to fourth period Spanish, I threw the note in the trash as I passed by it.
...
"Has Edward spoken to you yet, Bella?" Alice whispered to me during class.
I felt my face burn for a moment before turning to her. "In a sense; he put a note in my locker."
Alice paused for a moment in contemplation, before adding delicately, "You do know he's going to want to talk to you, don't you?"
"I'm expecting it, I guess." I sighed.
"I told him to give you space. I practically had to siphon the gas out of his car last night to stop him from driving to your house," Alice confessed.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Alice, I really don't want to talk about him. I realise it's unavoidable that I'll see him at Bio. I'm prepared for that. I..." I abandoned it, already flooded with doubtful thoughts, and shaking my head in a vain attempt to rid myself of them.
"Okay, I ... I just want to help you get past it, Bella. Even if you're never more than Bio partners," Alice replied gently.
I almost snorted sarcastically. We aren't even that any more, I wanted to say. Instead, I turned to her and smiled gratefully. "Don't worry about me, Alice. I'll be right."
She flashed me a grin before turning back to her book. I continued to gaze at her a moment longer, recalling what Nessie had told me the day before about her. I was on the verge of bringing it up, when I stopped myself. I didn't want to pry; she'd tell me if and when she was ready. She had shown me that courtesy when I first arrived, and I at least would return it.
. . .
Edward was waiting by the entrance to the cafeteria when Alice and I headed to lunch. I knew enough to suspect he was waiting for me. Still, when I caught sight of him, I paused mid-stride unsure of what I should do.
"Want me to tell him to bugger off?" Alice said teasingly, imitating one of my most used phrases and making me want to cringe.
I was about to answer when Edward's gaze met mine. His eyes were jaded and pleading, and instantly I felt my anger and indignation towards him weaken.
He'd made a complete fool of me the day before and this was my reaction to him? I was obviously more like my mother than I wanted to accept.
"No, I'll hear him out, I guess," I mumbled, my eyes remaining locked with his.
"Okay, I'll see you inside, then," Alice replied, before walking past Edward as she entered the cafeteria, glowering at him.
Edward only flashed her an exasperated look, before he turned his gaze back to me again.
I sighed inwardly, ordering myself to stay strong before walking over to him. He took the few strides to meet me, before he motioned for us to go outside and away from the crowd of potential eavesdroppers.
I nodded begrudgingly and followed him outside where the chill of the wind would at least mask any reactions I'd have from burning in my face.
Edward turned to me to speak, but I cut in, "I'll hear you out, Edward, but then I want you to leave me alone!" I was determined to keep my resolve not to be weakened by his charm, steadfast.
He bowed his head. "Okay," he agreed softly, before looking up at me again. Then sighing deeply, he opened his mouth, but paused as if he was searching for the right words. When he eventually spoke, his voice was remorseful. "I-I'm ... so sorry, Bella..."
There was obviously more he wanted to say, but didn't.
"I thought you said you weren't going to offer up an apology," I reminded him almost sarcastically, but needing to tear my eyes from his as I struggled under the intensity of his gaze. It was beseeching and regretful, and his eyes were burning with concentrated amounts of it.
"I have no defence. It's all I can say," he replied, giving me a small rueful smile, before running his hand through his hair and turning away from me.
I had the urge to pound my palm repeatedly against my brow. What was the matter with me? What was it about him?
I didn't smack my head, instead I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead and groaning under my breath with such exasperation that it eventually became audible.
He continued speaking, seeming anxious by my reaction. "I didn't mean it—of course I didn't mean it, Bella! This ... thing with Jacob, it's doesn't have anything to do with you."
I looked up at him again; his pleading eyes were penetrating and dissolving my will as I stood there. I opened my mouth to reply something snotty, but stopped myself.
I was on the verge of throwing every scrap of my dignity and self-respect to the wind, when I was suddenly distracted by Jessica Stanley as she walked past. She threw me a scornful glare then winked seductively at Edward, blowing him a kiss. Edward watched her pass, his eyebrows knotted, his expression... I couldn't read it, and instantly I was pissed off.
I felt my resolve snap back into place before my blood rose to heat my face angrily.
"I don't know why you're even bothering with me, Edward. Why don't you just give Jessica your pens? You're both exceptionally good at humiliating me in front of half the school!" I burst out angrily, before stomping away.
Hearing Edward groan, I opened the door to the cafeteria before disappearing inside. As I sat down beside Alice, she flashed me a pained look, her forehead creasing deeply with it,
"That bad?" she asked me tentatively.
"Uh-huh," was my reply.
"What did he say?" she asked, her tone remaining delicate.
I opened my mouth to answer, when I paused. What did he say? He'd apologised, but was that the reason why I got so angry with him? Or was it because of Jessica? I shook my head lightly, pushing it to the back of my mind, knowing I wouldn't like the conclusion.
"Nothing, much," I mumbled after a moment.
Alice exhaled, before replying, a smile playing on her lips, "Just remember, Bella, he's male, and there really isn't much hope for any of them."
Scoffing shortly in agreement, I glanced subconsciously over to the cafeteria's entrance when my eyes met with Jacob's. He immediately broke into one of his famous, sunny smiles before mouthing a very deliberate 'you okay'. My heart warmed, I smiled at him with affection and nodded that I was fine.
The minute I turned away, though, my thoughts were back in turmoil. It should have been simple; black and white. Edward was an asshole and I needed to avoid him. But it wasn't, it was far from it. Something within me was insisting there were shades of grey.
When I walked into biology that afternoon, Edward looked over to me from our lab table. Our eyes caught momentarily before he looked away again with an obvious defeated sigh.
I noticed my regular seat next to him was still vacant, and I thought about sitting next to Mike for a split second, before I realised the error of that decision. I didn't want to give Mike any more encouragement than was absolutely necessary. Besides, being around him made my skin crawl, and the idea of avoiding Edward to the point of switching seats suddenly seemed ridiculous.
Edward had obviously expected me to sit with Mike, because when I took the chair next to him the look on his face was surprise.
I huffed out my breath impatiently. "I wouldn't look so smug, Edward. I'm only sitting here because I suspect Mike is a bigger letch than you are!"
He broke into an immediate grin, almost chuckling through his nose. "I can deal with that."
Irritated, I turned abruptly away from him, keeping my gaze to the front of the class.
Mike walked into the room a moment later, and as soon as he saw me sitting with Edward, his face fell. He walked to his table looking crestfallen and I didn't have to be facing Edward to see the cocky smile that was drawing across his face. I internalised my impatience with him, having the urge to kick him under the table, but kept my charade of indifference for him intact.
Mr Banner walked in and the class started. I felt Edward's eyes on me constantly without having the need to glance in his direction, and when he made a motion to speak, I turned around to face him abruptly.
"I don't want to talk about it, Edward!" I blurted in an angry whisper.
He gazed at me intently for a moment, his eyebrows knotting as if he was trying to read my thoughts. I turned hastily away from him before he succeeded.
"Bella?" he asked me softly.
Sighing, I prayed for an aneurysm.
"What?" I asked reluctantly, without turning to meet his gaze.
"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me?" It was a good thing I wasn't looking at him, because the resonance of his voice alone was crushing my resolve.
"Apologise to Jacob," I answered softly but with conviction.
There was silence, and after a moment I turned my head slightly, to glance at him from my peripheral vision. His hands that were resting on the table were clenched into fists. I turned to face him squarely. His eyes looked conflicted below his heavily creased brow, and when he locked them with mine they turned apologetic.
"I can't do that, Bella."
I scoffed, immediately offended. "And I can't..." my voice trailed off. Releasing my breath, I turned back to face the front of the room. It was better that I left it at that.
Edward did not attempt to talk to me for the rest of the lesson. He did the usual Edward Bio things that I was accustomed to; taking off his sweater, sighing to himself and running his hand through his hair a few hundred times, but that was it. And I couldn't in all honesty say I was happy about it.
For the next six weeks that was how it was with him. He was polite and he was courteous, but he wasn't the charming, annoying Edward that I was almost willing to make an exception for. I would pass him in the halls and he'd smile considerately and continue on his way. In Bio, he would acknowledge me when I sat beside him. He would still take his sweater off and run his hands through his hair several times, but other than that, it was nothing that extended beyond being his Biology partner.
Another thing I also noticed during this time was that Alice stopped bothering me about him. In fact, Alice stopped mentioning him period. Suddenly it was as if he had never become an issue.
I was angry. How dare he play with my emotions the way he had.
I would glare at him as we passed in the halls, and at first it seemed to upset him, but after a while his expression would darken and he'd scowl to himself, obviously annoyed. This would carry into Bio as well. One minute he'd be friendly, attempting to gauge me in conversation, but other days he'd sit beside me in stony silence.
But I refused to budge; refusing to apologise to Jacob was the deal breaker for me.
What did it matter anyway? I was used to all this back home; boys all too quickly lost interest in me when they realized I wouldn't kick my knickers off at the first sign of interest, like my mother.
. . .
The following Sunday Alice and I went shopping in Port Angeles. I'd admitted defeat and realised I needed serious help with my sense of style, and Alice was only too willing to help me out. I ended up buying a whole lot of stuff I was sure I'd never use—a whole bunch of make-up being just a fraction of it.
"Bloody hell, Bella, you're such a spunk," Alice teased me as I peered into the mirror, not recognising the heavily made up person staring back. "See? Not bogan at all."
I met her gaze through the mirror, and flashed her a feigned scowl, shoving her playfully. She got a lot of amusement from my language, but never in the sense that I became neurotic over it.
We were sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor, as I begrudgingly let Alice give me a make-over. I had to hand it to her, I didn't look half bad; only, there was no way I'd ever go out in public looking like this.
"Isn't it nice to see yourself in colour?" she joked lightly, after I'd taken the hand mirror from her to properly inspect the way she'd applied the eye liner.
Bloody hell, my eyes looked like saucers!
"I think I prefer being in black and white," I said dryly handing her back the mirror.
She laughed, nudging me gently, before getting to her feet with a wistful sounding sigh. "Well I'd better go, Emmett and Ed-ward have probably burnt the kitchen down," she stammered stiffly, her eyes flittering away from mine guiltily.
I released my breath, lightly; in good humour. "Bloody hell, Alice. That was awkward."
Besides what was there to be awkward over? I was long past her brother.
With her eyes narrowing slightly, she gauged me for a moment, before chuckling warmly, and linking her arm through mine. "Come on, Barbie, walk me out. Your Uncle Billy scares me."
"Okay, but first let me wash this make up off. I can feel my pores picketing in protest," I joked, plus Billy scared me just a tad too, and I didn't want him seeing me made up like a prostitute.
Walking Alice to the door, I stood hugging my arms around myself and shaking in the icy wind. The temperature seemed to drop to freezing during the last hour.
Alice laughed. "Okay, I won't make you stay out here for too long—your lips are already blue—but just one more thing?"
I nodded questioningly. "W-What?"
"What's with all the Josh Hutchersons?" she asked with dubious amusement.
I laughed. "They were l-left over from when Jake's sisters lived h-here."
Alice raised her eyebrows with a teasing scepticism before smirking. "Uh-huh."
"Honest-ly." I chuckled, only to shudder violently as a chilled shiver ran up my spine.
"Get inside before you freeze. I'll see you at school tomorrow," she ordered with a teasing grin, before walking briskly down the path and getting into her car.
"S-see ya, Alice," I called out, before hurrying inside and shutting the freezing wind out with a slam of the door. "Bloody hell!" I exclaimed, attempting to rub warmth back into my frozen limbs.
Jake looked up from the lounge as he watched TV, and grinned. "Yeah, I don't know how you put up with that Cullen chick either, Bells."
I rolled my eyes. "Not nice, Jake. Tell your dad I'll be down in five minutes to start dinner, okay."
"Sure thing," Jake replied simply, turning back to the television.
I headed back upstairs, planning on checking in with the guys before tea. I hadn't messaged them in a while, I reminded myself with a pang of guilt. I tidied my room as I waited for the modem to load on, before opening Facebook. There were three messages and I noticed, as my heart skipped a beat, that one was from Renee.
I opened her message, before slamming my whole laptop closed angrily the second I read it. She had asked—or more demanded—money, along with a barrage of, obviously drunken, insults.
But then what did I expect? For her to ask how I was doing?
It took me a few moments to calm myself down before I opened my computer again and deleted Renee's message without replying.
The other two messages were from Rach and Nummi. I opened Rach's first with a grin already replacing my reaction from Renee's.
At first I thought she was joking; it was ... odd.
Bella, as soon as you get this ring me immediately. Do you have a mobile yet? None of us have your home phone number!
She messaged me again. It was sent almost twenty-four hours after the first.
Bella! Where are you? I need to speak to you URGENTLY!
My heart sped up a fraction. The overtone of the message had me troubled. I opened Nummi's; it was sent an hour after Rach's last.
Bella, we didn't want to have to tell you this via Facebook. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, please call.
My heart immediately lunged into my throat. I read and reread the message repeatedly to make sure I hadn't read it wrong. It said the same thing each time, and I was slowly filled with a heart-wrenching dread.
Kel!
I somehow managed to get my legs to work as I half ran, half stumbled out of my room and down the stairs, where Jake practically caught me at the bottom.
"Bella, what's wrong?" he exclaimed.
"I-I have to call Australia—something's happened!" I blurted, pulling myself out of his arms immediately and snatching up the phone. I dialled, but dialled wrong. Slamming the phone down, I dialled again, with my hands shaking violently.
"Bella, what happened?" Uncle Billy asked, suddenly before me.
"Something's happened to Kel—I have to call home!" I blurted, choking past the horrible realisation of it.
Again, I dialled wrong; I almost broke down. Throwing the phone to Jake, I pleaded with him, "Jake, please dial out for me—please!"
"Okay, Bells, calm down and tell me what number to dial." His voice was gentle, but it only made my panic increase.
I told Jake Rach's mobile number, my voice trembling and unsteady. I felt sick. He dialled it carefully, listened for it to ring, before handing the receiver back to me.
It picked up a moment later by Rach—only it didn't sound like Rach; her voice was hoarse and broken. I opened my mouth to speak, my voice almost failing me. "Rach—it's me. What happened!?"
She broke down immediately. "Bella, it's Kel! She was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"
My heart started pounding furiously, but I refused to believe it; I could barely conceive of it. "What?" I uttered, my voice barely more than a whisper.
Rach was almost incoherent, and as I fought to hear her past the sheer terror of my heart as it echoed in my ears, I made out something about the doctors advising Kel's parents to switch off life support.
The phone fell from my hand, my chest restricted, and I collapsed, crumbling into Uncle Billy's arms.
This wasn't happening, I told myself over and over, as I struggled to breathe past the absolute terrifying enormity of it.
It had to be a nightmare.
A/N: This story changed course a few times before it really stuck, and it was a bit of a struggle to have it all blend together without it sounding ridiculous. Apart of me still thinks it does.