Connor and Jude sat next to one another in Kroger's lecture, as they usually did, but they didn't speak. Connor couldn't help the fact that he was jittery. He wanted to bounce his leg or pace in a circle, but he couldn't. He was in public and he couldn't let those feelings show. Jude had tried to talk to him before class, but Connor had asked for silence until afterward. Jude had given him that, which convinced Connor that he had made the right decision. Class ended with one elaborate illustration of the Minotaur, which Kroger said was their favourite.

"Lunch today?" Jude murmured.

"Yeah, I'd like to."

They sat outside once more.

"Do you want to talk about it? Or not talk about it? Or … whatever. Whatever you want to do is okay."

Connor didn't think he'd ever heard Jude be so unsure about something.

"Well, I'm glad you told me. I decided that," Connor said. "But, I also decided that I don't want to talk about it. Unless … unless there was something more that you had to say."

"No."

"So, is that okay?"

"Yeah, absolutely it is. Friends, right?"

Connor nodded. "Yes. Friends. That's all I want, Jude."

"Then that's what there is." Jude picked his package of M&M's out of his bag and offered them to Connor. "You can't say no to chocolate."

"No, I can't," Connor agreed.

That seemed to be that, as Jude asked his thoughts on the Minotaur, as Kroger had explained it. It was so simple that Connor was suspicious. Jude wasn't going to ask him more about it? Jude wasn't going to push for a date? Jude wasn't going to keep reminding him of his feelings?

"Do you think that a myth like that could really just be born from some kind of … bull riding competition or whatever it was? They don't really seem like the same thing."

"Inspiration has to come from somewhere. Usually fiction has a grain of truth in it, right? Everything starts somewhere."

"So, in a thousand years, what kind of lies are they going to tell about our civilization?"

"Zombie stories. We've enough of them," Connor replied.

Jude laughed brightly and reclined in the grass. "Good point. Hey, share the M&M's, chocolate hog."

"Sorry!"

Connor sat closed to Jude's side and crossed his legs underneath of him, offering the package to Jude. Jude dug a few pieces of chocolate out of the package and popped them into his mouth. His hand rested lazily across Connor's knee.

"You think we'll actually ever have zombies?" he asked.

Connor could only shrug. "I've been thinking about something else."

"What's that?"

"You shared something with me, about your parents. And I never shared back."

Jude propped himself up on his elbows, thinking about how long ago that conversation had been now. He couldn't believe it had been on Connor's mind for that long, but he didn't say it. "You know you don't owe me for that kind of stuff, right? I shared with you because I felt comfortable sharing with you. When you feel comfortable, you can share with me but it's not a trade system."

Connor crinkled the edge of the M&M package. "I never shared back."

"I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

Connor wouldn't look at him. "I've had one boyfriend. I met him when I was fifteen. He was twenty-three. I moved in with him that year. He hit me but that wasn't even the worst of it. We broke up last December."

Connor said all of that in a flat monotone that made goosebumps rise up on Jude's forearms.

"I'm sorry," Jude whispered.

"It happened." Connor crinkled the M&M package again. "I'm sorry. I think I'm going to finish your chocolate."

"Go ahead," Jude said. "I got them discounted at work. I can get you twenty more bags if you want them."

"Just this one, please."

Jude watched Connor's face carefully as he ate the M&M's one at a time. There was a strange look about him, as if he were caught in the past and in memories that Jude didn't want to think of. He hated the thought of anybody being in a place where they were abused; he hated that it had been Connor.

"Connor?"

"Mhm?"

"You're twenty-one, right?"

"Uh-huh."

Five years. With a man that was eight years older than he was. Jude felt sick to his stomach. He'd be twenty-one in November. That was like him dating a thirteen year old now. There was something so inherently wrong with that picture that Jude was sure he was going to vomit in the grass. And then for him to abuse that little kid for five years, like he had a right to. He hated to imagine the type of person that thought that was okay.

"I'm sorry I ate them all," Connor said softly, bringing Jude to the present.

"I really don't mind."

"Are you all right? You sound funny."

And Connor was still beautiful. After all of that.

"Thinking, I guess." Jude reclined back in the grass, staring up at the sky.

Connor watched him lay back, feeling his mind buzz. He knew that he could trust Jude and, really, he hadn't given Jude any details, not like Jude had given him about his biological parents. Still, Connor felt that his words had upset Jude somehow. He remembered what Jude had said, about perhaps understanding him a little too well, and Connor worried. Had he brought back Jude's own thoughts of abuse?

He reached out and touched Jude's forearm. Jude's wrist bent to hold Connor's arm back.

"You worry too much," Jude said.

Connor looked down at Jude's hand. He knew that it was probably wrong to do it, particularly in light of what Jude had said about his feelings, but Connor couldn't help it. He was slowly learning to do a little bit of what he wanted and what he wanted was to hold Jude's hand. Jude didn't comment, he barely seemed to react as their fingers wrapped around one another. Connor was surprised at how easy it was to hold Jude's hand and have that little bit of physicality now. Rather, he felt a little more grounded. Jude was a very solid thing to be able to hold onto.

Connor made sure that he was sitting, though, so that their hands couldn't be viewed by anyone just wandering by. He wasn't sure of how Jude would feel about that. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. No one would know.

"Come over on Tuesday night," Jude said suddenly.

"Oh. Okay."

"Oh!" Jude sat up against his elbows again, though he and Connor didn't let go of one another. "I didn't mean to make it sound like a demand. I'd like you to come over on Tuesday night."

"Okay," Connor agreed. "To do what?"

"Be boring and watch Netflix? We can order food or whatever …"

"I can make dinner," Connor offered. "You drive me around and everything. I probably owe you."

"That's the best thing I've heard in the past week, I think," Jude said. "I'm done work at five, so I can pick you up at six and we can go to the grocery store."

"What would you like?"

"Make me your favourite thing to make," Jude said.

"Okay." Connor lapsed into thinking.

"And surprise me. Please."

"Okay. But, you aren't allergic to seafood are you?"

Jude just shook his head.

(-.-)

"It's not too heavy, is it?"

"I know I don't go to the gym, Connor, but I can handle a grocery basket."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to question you."

Connor placed a box of penne pasta in the basket and then strode along ahead before Jude could say anything else to him. Jude trailed behind him as Connor picked up cheese, chicken broth, shrimp, and several other things that Jude quickly lost track of.

"I have parmesan at home."

Connor put it back on the shelf. "That's all I need."

"This looks like a lot of ingredients," Jude said.

"I hope you'll like it."

"I know I will. Do you want to get anything for dessert?"

"Whatever you want."

"Let's go through the bakery anyway so that I can claim the cupcakes were an impulse buy and that my sweet tooth hasn't been demanding them for the last day and a half."

"Well … I won't tell."

Jude smiled at him. "I know. I'm safe with you. One of the reasons I like you so much."

Connor's expression faltered.

"Why you're a great friend," Jude amended. "Come on, cupcakes."

This time, Jude was in the lead. He knew exactly where the cupcakes were located and, after selecting the ones that looked like they had the most frosting, he carefully balanced them on top of his and Connor's other groceries. Jude had no idea what they were making – what did shrimp and evaporated milk have in common? Still, it was a dinner that he wasn't making by himself or ordering from some greasy fast food restaurant which, though he liked it, he ate way too often for his stomach's and budget's comfort.

Connor took them through the self-check-out line and, soon, they were at Jude's apartment, unpacking grocery bags onto the counter.

"Should I start now?" Connor asked. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah! Let's do it."

"I said I would make you dinner," Connor said. "You don't need to help."

"I'll be annoying and mostly inefficient but you can give me something boring to do."

Connor sorted the ingredients into separate piles. He picked up the box of pasta and handed it to Jude.

"I can handle boiling pasta, don't look so worried." Jude sat on the counter between his stove and oven, reaching behind him to grab a pot. "But I'm not getting off the counter. I've been standing too long today."

"Is it that hard?"

"Not usually. But I didn't sleep well last night."

Connor glanced up from the oven controls. His hand lifted toward Jude's face but then his expression changed and he dropped it back to his side.

"What?" Jude asked.

"Nothing."

Jude nudged Connor's wrist with his knee. "What?"

"You do look like you have some black circles," Connor murmured.

Hesitantly, Connor gently touched the pad of his thumb to Jude's under-eye.

"Well, we can't all look like you."

Jude went to lift his hand too, but Connor flinched away so quickly that Jude nearly missed the movement. The look of near-terror on his face made Jude's heart drop.

"Connor, I'm sorry. I don't … I should have realized …"

Connor had turned his back on him, beginning to open some of the ingredients.

"Where are your pans?"

"Cupboard to the left … Are you all right?"

"I'm getting used to touching you and having you touch me. I can't stand the thought of anyone being around my face or my neck," Connor said, his voice so low that Jude could barely hear him. "I can't, I'm sorry."

His voice broke and Jude wished that he could hug him. He wished that he knew how to comfort Connor. Jude had a hard early life, but he had spent so long in a loving family with everything that he could ever desire in the way of affection that those memories were far-off and even had the aura of not being reality in some cases, though some were still in sharp-focus. Connor's memories were still front and centre.

"That's not something you need to be sorry for," Jude said. "You tell me not to and I listen. I won't try again unless you tell me it's okay."

Connor glanced at Jude over his shoulder but he didn't say anything else. He carefully arranged the shrimp on a baking sheet covered with tinfoil and slid it into the oven.

"Should I start the pasta?"

Connor nodded.

"And what are you going to do?"

"Make alfredo sauce," Connor replied.

"Can't you buy that in a jar?"

"Yeah. But it tastes better this way."

"All right. I trust you."

Jude grabbed his phone and turned on his music. Connor was serious and focused as he made the recipe from memory, which Jude was impressed with. His hands didn't shake and there was no hesitation as he moved around. Connor was in control in this space and the more he worked, the happier he seemed to be.

"Do you have a casserole dish?"

"Yeah, the cupboard next to the fridge. No, the one on bottom. There."

Connor pulled the dish out.

Carefully, he assembled everything into the casserole dish – the pasta, sauce, shrimp, tomatoes, and some red pepper flakes – and made sure that they were all mixed together. He covered the top in cheese and slid it into the oven. He set the oven timer and then he turned to face Jude.

"Ten more minutes."

"Good. Thank you for cooking."

"I'm sorry for overreacting," Connor said. "You weren't even close to my face."

Had he been thinking about that the entire time he'd been cooking?

"Connor, it's okay. Really."

Connor was frowning.

Jude felt an ache in his arms. He wanted to hug Connor. He wanted to hug him so badly. Jude kept his hands at his side. It wasn't fair to Connor for Jude to be thinking that way.

"We just need to talk to one another," Jude said. "We both have boundaries. We haven't been friends for a month yet. It'll be all right."

"Yeah," Connor murmured. "Yeah, you're right."

Jude slid from the counter and laid out plates and poured them drinks. The whole thing felt strangely domestic to Jude. He'd cooked with others before; he and Dylan had taken care of their own meals in the past. But this was Connor, standing in the kitchen of Jude's own apartment, and there was something about the scene that made Jude happier than it probably should have, considering that Connor was his friend and could only be his friend. Jude knew that. Jude could respect that. But Jude wasn't able to stop the way that he felt about Connor.

They took their stools at the counter and Jude poked his fork into one of his noodles and a piece of shrimp. He wanted to talk to Connor, as he felt an awkwardness settling in between them and Jude didn't like that. Even when they were quiet with one another, Jude wanted it to feel comfortable between the two of them. He didn't want Connor to feel like he constantly had to be on edge.

"Why'd you pick this to make?"

"It was my mom's favourite," he admitted. "I don't know if I ever saw the real recipe for it. I just always knew how to make it."

Jude savoured his first bite. "It's really good, Connor. You're a good cook."

He could tell from the look on Connor's face that Connor didn't believe him.

"Really, you are!"

Connor didn't have anything to say and Jude let himself lapse into silence as they ate.

"Thank you for letting me use your kitchen."

"You cooked for me. You can use it whenever you want. Your kitchen probably isn't very big."

"Not … really. I'll get the dishes –"

"That's why I have a dishwasher. Less work for us."

Connor anxiously played with his fork. "I feel like I haven't done enough."

"Then you can grab the cupcakes," Jude said. "Do you still want to watch a movie?"

Connor nodded and soon they were on the couch. Jude was trying to fit as much of his cupcake into his mouth as he possibly could while searching around for a movie.

"That one's supposed to be funny," he said. It was an average comedy – single, high-powered businessman finds out he's fathered two children when their mother dies and they suddenly move in with them.

"Okay."

Jude pressed play and the movie began. He finished his cupcake and settled himself down on the couch. He was surprised when he felt Connor's hand brush against the underside of his wrist. Jude tilted his hand and Connor took it. Sometimes Jude thought that he might understand why Connor wanted to hold his hand and then, other times, he didn't get it at all. Jude didn't want to question it, though, in case Connor let go of him. He wanted to hold Connor's hand, even though it sent his mind spiralling into daydreams where holding Connor's hand would lead to kissing him and taking him on dates and calling him 'boyfriend'. It was a slippery slope.

They were maybe fifteen minutes into the movie when Connor spoke.

"I'm sorry. I just feel off today."

"That's all right. You're allowed to be."

Connor's hand tightened. "Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me."

"And sometimes you're just a person who doesn't have to be happy all the time."

Connor moved their joined hands across the centre couch cushion and, for a moment, Jude thought that Connor was going to take his hand back. Instead, he was pleased that Connor moved closer, so that their shoulders were nearly brushing. Their joined hands were settled on Jude's leg.

"Do you mind?"

"Not even a little. As long as you're okay."

Connor's comfort had to come first with things like this. Even though it had been Connor's decision to move closer didn't mean that Jude shouldn't be aware.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Jude settled against soft cushions of his couch, feeling all of Connor's little fidgets. Their hands grew heated at the palms and yet Connor didn't move away. Jude thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest and he found himself sneaking glances at Connor's face as the movie played on. He looked as focused on the film as he did in class and Jude felt like he was all right to watch Connor's face. He didn't feel as guilty about it now, at least, as he did when he hadn't known Connor at all. Connor was handsome, just as Jude had thought from the beginning, but he seemed even more so now. Now that Jude had been able to see his heart and hear his voice and get to know who Connor was, he seemed so much more.

Connor caught him staring. "Should I ask?"

"I'm glad I met you, that's all."

Connor didn't look like he fully believed him, but Jude sensed that Connor wouldn't push the issue. He was right and Connor just turned to face the screen again. Jude averted his eyes away from Connor's face, not wanting Connor to catch him again. He had no doubt that Connor would let it be brushed off as easily the second time around. Jude instead looked down at their hands. Connor's were a bit larger than his own. Jude thought that their hands fit together perfectly; it was as if they were supposed to hold hands. Jude gently ran his thumb across the back of Connor's hand and he felt Connor's arm tense for a moment. He held his breath, but then Connor relaxed into him, perhaps even resting against him more than he had been before. Jude leant back into Connor and that was how they stayed until the end credits rolled.

"What did you think of the movie?" Jude asked.

"What did you think?"

"I asked you first."

Connor glanced at the screen, which was now frozen on the movie's cover. "The acting was a little bad. There were some cute moments."

"I agree completely."

Connor tapped his cell phone screen; Jude glanced at the time.

"Do you want to go home?" Jude asked.

"If … if you want me to." Connor looked down and Jude wondered if he was looking at their hands. "I wouldn't mind being allowed to stay for a little longer."

"You're always allowed to stay here," Jude said. "Want to have another cupcake with me?"

"I'd like that."

Jude had to let go of Connor to grab the cupcakes. He returned and placed one in Connor's hand. He then plopped back down in his spot and tilted his cupcake toward Connor. "Cheers."

"You do that a lot."

"Because it's fun!"

"Aren't you supposed to say something else with it? Cheers to something?"

"Cheers to friendship then," Jude said. "As corny as that is."

Connor looked shy. "I think it sounds nice."

"Me too," Jude said. "Now, quick, clink cupcakes with me so I can eat my icing."

"Only your icing?" Connor asked, though he tapped his cupcake to Jude's.

"It is the best part," Jude said. "I like the cake part too but, really, there's never enough icing on these things."

"I like the cake," Connor said.

"But icing is really good."

"I like icing too."

Jude squinted at him. "Are you agreeing with me because you want to agree with me or because you think that you should agree with me?"

"A little bit of both. Is that okay?"

Jude watched as Connor licked icing from the corner of his mouth. He was unable to speak until Connor innocently returned to his cupcake.

"Yeah, Connor. It's all right."

Connor pulled the wrapping of his cupcake wrapper down. "Are you tired of me asking that?"

"Doesn't matter. I'll answer it until you don't need to ask it anymore."

"You're a really good person, Jude."

Jude knocked his knee against Connor's. "Why do you sound so surprised about that?"

"You're teasing, right?"

"Completely."

Jude was rewarded with Connor's smile.

The chapter's title is after the song DKLA by Troye Sivan ft. Tkay Maidza (reader recommended). If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~