A/N: Fuck me, I hope I get these chapters in right order...

Chapter 18

Consequences

Edward's POV

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room, not in the mood to witness the lengths Emmett would take his new source of bullshit over me. Besides, I had a ton of school-work to catch up on. It was actually therapeutic; the mundaneness of it kept Bella from my thoughts long enough to drag some of my wilting fucking dignity back in place.

A couple of hours later I'd finished all the assigned English work I was given and was starving. Heaving myself off my bed, I stretched, ignoring the aching tug on my abdomen before I headed to the kitchen to get something to eat.

As soon as I stepped on the lower floor I caught the sound of Jazz's fucking loud, idiotic laughter practically rebounding off the walls, and because I was nothing but a masochistic bastard these days, I decided to find out what was going on. Ducking my head around the entrance to the living room, I spotted Emmett sitting on the sofa, with Alice and Jazz still on the adjacent one, dressed like he was going on an expedition to the fucking Antarctic; complete with fur trimmed hooded parka and ear muffs. Rose was not in the room, so I assumed she'd gone home, and Jazz was laughing so hard, the pissant had tears running down his face, while Emmett sat completely straight faced watching the DVD with them.

Despite myself—despite the fact that the asshole was completely stirring the shit out of me, I only rolled my eyes. He really was a dickhead.

Emmett kept his outfit on for the rest of the afternoon and throughout dinner. He said nothing to me, but completely pissed off Mom, who ordered him to take it off. I got through my meal as quickly as I could before Mom and Carlisle began questioning why he was dressed the way he was, and why the fucking little rat found so much amusement in it.

I finished dinner first, leaving Alice's laughter behind me as I went upstairs; exempt from chores for the present. I found myself tiring easily, and it frustrated the shit out of me by how much of a fucking cripple I was. I'd slept at least twelve hours a night the last few nights, even in hospital where the nurses didn't bother lowering their voices while they discussed the intimate details of their husbands' affairs with one another.

I dreamed of Bella again. It was almost identical to the one I'd had the previous night, with me waking up right as I was taking her clothes off, harder than granite, my heart pounding so heavily my fucking bed seemed to shake from it.

I realized again that this smile I was dreaming about was bullshit too. When Bella smiled at me it was always with suspicion.

Proof she'd never trusted me.

. . .

The following day, while Alice and Emmett were at school, I kept myself busy finishing my homework. Finals were looming and I had no way of knowing how much I'd missed. If it had anything to do with the degree of work Alice had picked up for me, I was considerably behind; probably more than the two weeks I'd missed.

By the time they arrived home again, I'd managed to get through three quarters of all the work, was seeing fucking double, and was glad for company other than Mom's. She'd fussed over me non-stop until I found myself craving Emmett's ridicule—at least that eased my fucking guilt to a certain degree. Esme hadn't yelled at me or given me one single pissed off look; she'd even grounded me and removed my television with loving fucking tenderness. It only made me feel like more of the bastard I was.

Alice felt the need the fill me in on everything that was happening at school; though, I suspected she was purposefully avoiding mentioning Bella. And just as I was working up the courage to ask about her, giving up on the hope of idiot Emmett leaving the room first, the doorbell chimed. Alice sprung to her feet opening the door a few moments later, while I looked through the window, seeing the red Jeep in the driveway just as my heart fucking stalled, and just as I heard Alice exclaim, "Hey, Bella!"

"Hey, Alice," Bella's voice was warm and clear and in that weird ass accent of hers that did fucking primitive things to me. "I came to see Edward ... i-if that's okay."

I was beginning to feel fucking typically overheated; this was despite the fact that I was suddenly in the midst of a growing erection. But hell, I barely had control over anything, anymore.

"Of course it's okay. Come in," Alice replied in her usual fucking over the top enthusiasm.

"Not so cold, now, are you, Edwina?" Emmett asked me, smirking to himself like a fucking asshole.

Huffing, I threw him an immediate warning glare, that if he humiliated me, I didn't care if I fucking killed myself, I would end him, but the asshole only snorted at it.

If I could ever get over telling Bella that she made me hot, my idiot brother would make sure it didn't last too fucking long.

Bella followed Alice into the room, her eyes immediately catching mine, but this time my heart jolted. There was something behind them that made me feel immediately uneasy.

She smiled warmly at me, but there was something ... detached about her expression. This shouldn't have surprised me, because detached was how she usually appeared.

Still…

"Geez, it's good to see you, Bella. You always make me feel so warm!"

Fuck my life! Because Emmett just couldn't fucking help himself.

Fuming quietly, I immediately felt the heat transfer from my dick to my ears. It was amazing how fast feeling like a fucking idiot could deflate it.

Bella's gaze pulled from mine to glance at Emmett, before she grinned, but looking kind of self-conscious at the same time. "Hey, Emmett."

He winked at her, before Alice grabbed him by the arm. "We were just leaving."

Alice pulled him out of the room, but I remained on fucking tenterhooks with my heart stalled, waiting for him to say something else that would make me look like a complete fucking idiot. He didn't, but I continued to hold my breath until he was completely out of sight before I quietly exhaled and turned back to Bella.

She'd watched them completely leave the room, before looking down at the ground and taking a deep breath. When her eyes rose to meet mine again, they were deep like they always are, but there was something else... I smiled at her, fucking awkwardly, and she returned it, before something behind her eyes flickered, her forehead creasing with it.

"Do you want to go for a walk ... or something?" I asked her, rubbing the back of my neck and breaking her gaze.

"Sure," she answered, quietly.

I walked her to the front door, held it open for her and followed her out; keeping a safe distance behind her. Not that it made any difference; I was already fucking over heated enough to want to rip my sweater off. But I didn't, because she'd know why, now.

When I stepped outside behind her, she stopped me.

"Do ... you want to just sit here?" She motioned toward the swinging chair that hung from the ceiling of the porch.

Shoving my shaking freaking hands in my pockets, I nodded.

She sat down first and clamped her hands stiffly in her lap, her brow creasing deeply. She seemed to be in some kind of internal debate with herself, or maybe it was just the fact that my very presence made her just as fucking uncomfortable as it always did.

Frowning, I released my breath softly, before sitting beside her. Whatever the fuck was bothering her was making me feel a sense of inevitability, and I just wanted to get it over and fucking done with.

She gazed down at her hands for the longest time, and it was evident by this point that whatever the hell she came here to say I wasn't going to like it.

"Bella," I began, resigned by this point. She looked up at me, her eyes widening. "Just say it, whatever it is..." I sighed again, heavily; they were not the words I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I was sorry—again. As fucking comical as that was.

She cleared her throat softly, glanced down at her hands again, before turning squarely to meet my gaze. Her eyes looked fucking injured. "Edward, I really like you. I ... I do."

Fuck...

I wanted to fucking laugh ironically. I'm not sure why, maybe because considering the dreams I'd been having about her, the reality was really fucking poetic. But just as quickly, I began to feel on edge and uptight again. "But ...?" I pressed her, reaching up to rub my forehead with the tips of my fingers, stiffly.

"But, it's not a good idea," she admitted, softly, her brow bunching again as if it pained her to say it.

But then … that couldn't be right. She fucking hated me.

"Bella ... I know I've screwed things up, but I realize..." I abandoned it before running a frustrated hand through my hair. I was sounding more and more pathetic. I needed a different strategy.

She bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes severing from mine again just as her expression seemed to break for a moment. I gazed at her, not knowing what the hell was going through her mind, while fighting the urge to reach out to her. She looked so lost and unsure of herself. I mean, she looked like that pretty much every day, but this time it was—I don't know—different…

"Edward ... I-I need to be able to trust you, but I can't." Her voice rose stubbornly, but began to waver.

I felt my pulse quicken. I was losing her. I was losing her a-fucking-gain, and this time it wasn't about her having any advantage over me, but I couldn't allow it. I refused!

"You can trust me, Bella," I insisted, but I sounded too desperate; too fucking needy.

She shook her head slowly but adamantly while her eyes, that were locked to her lap, closed. She sighed, and it sounded ... defeated.

Was she fucking with me, or was this really upsetting her?

"No ... I can't, Edward," she insisted, but this time her voice caught.

She looked like she was on the verge of tears, and it was confusing the fuck out of me. I had no idea what she was trying to convey, and it frustrated me. This was on top of beginning to feel fucking anxious and edgy, and fighting the urge to pull her into my arms and tell her I'd never hurt her again. No doubt that would end well, and I'd be an idiot to think she'd ever believe me. Or allow me to touch her.

I had to get a fucking grip.

"Bella?" She looked up, her eyes ignited with ... guilt? "Bella ... let me prove it to you. You can trust me." I kept my voice soft but adamant, forcing back the sense of panic I was struggling with. Then apprehensively, I reached out and took her hand in mine. My hands were fucking shaking and clammy, but I didn't give a shit; I would not lose her again.

I wrapped both my hands around hers when I suddenly noticed the condition it was in; it was cut and heavily bruised. "What ... did you do to your hand?" I asked slowly.

"I thought Alice told you already," she replied with indifference, and instantly I felt a surge of anger boil through me.

I just sat gazing down at her small little hand in mine, feeling the heat burning my face, while my whole body was so rigid with anger my stomach began to ache.

That fucking weasel did this to her! I was going to fucking kill that little pissant!

In the next moment, Bella pulled her hands from mine, a huff escaping her. "This is what I'm talking about, Edward!" The volume of her voice rose and was filled with frustration. "You're so unpredictable!"

I shook my head, and opened my mouth to reply, when she suddenly rose from the seat and turned to face me, her expression almost stricken. Her eyes flickered to the cut above my eye—the cut her asshole cousin gave me. "It's not going to work, Edward! Look at what I bring out in you—at what I've done to you—"

She was blaming herself?

I interrupted her immediately, getting to my feet in an instant, and ignoring the grinding pain in my stomach; though, I suspected Bella was acutely aware of it. "What you've done to me? Bella, Jesus, none of this was your fault!"

She only continued to stare at me, her eyes fixating on my injured face, while her forehead knotting more deeply the longer she stared; making me feel fucking exposed, and an inch tall.

Eventually, she tore her eyes from me and shook her head, more or less to herself. "I have no idea who I am, Edward. I-I have to find out how to live ... without her."

I had no idea what she was suddenly talking about, but it gave me hope that this wasn't wholly about me.

"Bella..." I coaxed her gently until she raised her head and met my gaze again, "please trust me."

"Edward, this isn't your fault. I bring out the worst in people. Ever since I arrived here, you and Jacob have been at each other's throats, now you and Mike Newton. I've got to unhinge myself from the disaster that I've become." She sounded angry—at herself, and to make matters worse, she was deadly serious.

"Bella—" I began, but she interjected.

"Edward, can you just ... stay away." Her voice caught, and she hastily turned her head, avoiding my gaze altogether to rub her forehead.

Stay away? Now she was just delusional.

"Bella…" I began, feeling a smirk edge on my face, "you know I'll never do that."

She whipped her head back around to meet my gaze, her entire face clouding in obvious frustration. "This isn't a joke, Edward!"

I only shrugged as a small smile curved on my lips, and knowing I was now acting like a total arrogant prick.

She released her breath into a long drawn out sigh that bordered on an all-out groan. I fought the urge to grin. I was taking back the momentum, and in doing so I was distracting her. If it was going to work, I was going to stick to it.

She reached up and this time looked like she was trying to rip the skin from her forehead. "Do you really like who you are when you're trying to ... charm me, Edward?"

"Do I charm you, Bella?" Yeah, I was a complete asshole.

The only thing was she didn't even look close to cracking; she only looked more determined. Folding her arms across her chest in a self-assured way—that was completely out of character for her—she threw me a cynical, sarcastic smile. "Sometimes you do, but most of the times you're just an annoying, cocky wanker!"

I faltered for a moment, feeling like she'd fucking slapped me, but immediately felt my resolve cement back in place. I knew well enough how stubborn she was, and it only fueled me. "You like me because I'm an annoying, cocky wanker."

For a second I thought she would slap me; her hands balled into fists and her expression began to darken to the point that she was glaring at me. "What's the matter with you?!" she demanded. "You think you have to win at all cost? I'm not playing games with you, Edward. You're all WRONG for me—don't you get it?!" Tears sprang to her eyes, and she spun on her heal and took a step away from me when I quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Bella, wait," I said, seriously this time. It wasn't about advantage anymore and who had it. These last few months I'd been playing Bella, and I hadn't learnt a single thing about her. She didn't respond to me like other girls did, and when I tried to force her into it, she buried me under my own arrogance. "I-I'm sorry."

She made me fight for her.

When she turned back to me, her eyes were pleading. "Please, Edward. I'm so tired of this," she whispered.

My heart sank heavily. "Bella, "I began tentatively, as if the slightest raise in my voice would be detrimental, "I'll do whatever you want me to do, but … I can't stay away."

She only stared at me as if she was trying to read the contents of my freaking soul, before with a sudden surge of impatience she ripped her hand from mine again. "You don't even know me, Edward—so why?"

That, I had no answers for. I only stared into her deep, deep dark brown eyes and tried to find it within them. Why was she so different that I was going near out of my fucking mind over her?

I shook my head slightly, helplessly.

This only seemed to piss her off more, and injure her at the same time. "You don't know?"

"Bella—" I broke off and ran both my hands back through my hair in a fit of frustration, "I've been asking myself that since the moment I met you!"

With her forehead ridged heavily, her eyes slowly welled with tears, and I felt like a bastard!

Jesus, I'd hurt her, but then how could I hurt her if she never really cared…?

"How am I supposed to respond to that? You won't leave me alone, even though you have no idea why you even like me—are you fucking kidding me?" she was angry again; angry and becoming more impatient. I couldn't blame her, but I didn't know how to explain it to her so she'd understand—especially, when I didn't even fucking get it, myself.

"I'm sorry..." I answered softly, shrugging helplessly.

She only shook her head to herself, scoffing humorlessly, before her eyes suddenly zeroed in on me, turning hard. "Fine, Edward. You might not know why you like me, but I sure as hell know why I can't stand you, and why you'd be the last guy in the school I'd ever go out with!"

She was serious, and it was another fucking blow. She sure as hell didn't mince her words.

"I..." I stammered, sounding like a fucking pussy, when she cut me off.

"What a waste of time you are," she spoke quietly, her tone like fucking ice, before she turned around for the second time to leave.

This time I moved to block her path, but undeterred she literally pushed me out of her way. "What!?" she demanded as I struggled to prevent her from seeing how she'd physically hurt me. "What do you want from me? You want to fuck with me—is that it? She raised both her hands, defiantly, her face cold and fucking hard.

I only shook my head, hastily. "Bella—I didn't mean it like that." My tone was serious, pleading. "I ... I just don't understand..."

Fuck it; I just couldn't explain it how I wanted to.

She shook her head, angry, but then ... not, and seeming openly conflicted all of a sudden.

"Either do I..." She scoffed.

Before I was aware of it, I'd taken a step closer to her. She immediately took a step back, but continued to hold my gaze as I stared at her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, sincerely, my voice catching slightly, making me want to cringe.

She only half shrugged, as if conceding, a regrettable smile almost breaking across her face, and for a moment, a brief second where I almost allowed myself a moment to breathe, I thought she was relenting. Her expression broke slightly and she glanced up at me looking torn, before she blinked and her resolve seemed to snap back. "I have to go. See you later, Edward."

And again, she turned around to leave.

My pulse quickened and for the second time on impulse, I reached out and grabbed her hand. "Don't leave."

She paused, but didn't turn back to me. She just stood there, her head down, breathing deeply, and even with her back turned to me, it was obvious she was struggling.

Gently, I drew her, just a fraction, to me, but it seemed to break whatever spell had frozen the moment, and she instantly pulled her hand from my grip. Her fingers slipped through mine and then she was gone.

I watched her walk away; there was nothing else I could do.

I had lost the only girl I had ever wanted, and I could only blame myself for it.

She headed to her car without looking back, but I continued to watch her until it became fucking unbearable. Then turning swiftly around, I stepped down the stairs and around to the rear yard, where I entered the house via the kitchen door—all the while fighting an emotion that felt like it was literally ripping my heart through my fucking chest, as red-hot anger was suddenly flowing through me.

I passed Alice and Emmett who were sitting at the kitchen bench. Emmett, the prick he was, immediately opened his mouth to, no doubt, say something fucking clever, when he shut it again without a pause. I only glared at him, willing him to say it, but he didn't.

When I reached my room, I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. Alice would no doubt be hot on my heels, and I was in no mood for her displays of pity and fucking guilt.

Two.

Five.

Ten minutes later and still no Alice.

I only laughed fucking poetically to myself before heading into the bathroom, where I stared in the mirror at my reflection. My eyes were burning with a thousand fucking emotions, and I could clearly see what I would have no doubt disclosed to Bella. That she'd broken my fucking heart.

I scanned the rest of my face intently, something I'd avoided doing until that moment. It was a pitiful fucking sight. The long graze that covered my cheek and the majority of the left side of my forehead was still scabbed up enough to make me look like I'd been dragged face first along the road. Just under my hair line, on the right side, was the gash that still held seven stitches. It was itchy more than it was painful, but right then it pounded, hotly. Finally, my eyes fell to my stitched eyebrow. It should have made me angrier, and maybe under different circumstances it might have, but strangely I was indifferent towards it; even a little relieved. It squared Jacob and me up, and I hoped all the bullshit with him was now finally behind me.

Dipping my head, I took a deep, heavy breath.

How the hell had I expected Bella to react? The last time she'd seen me I'd been making out with fucking Jessica-slutbag-Stanley.

My stomach immediately churned at the thought of it. No wonder I'd got wasted, I'd have to be to—fuck me, it was a good thing I had barely any memory of it, but I hated to think what Bella had seen. Alice had told me Bella never mentioned the exact details of what she'd witnessed, but it wasn't exactly comforting, and I doubted Alice would have told me if she knew, anyway.

I preferred my pain in the ass sister when she was being just that. When she was calling me a Jackass and sending me abusive voice messages. I couldn't stand the way she walked on fucking eggshells around me, and the way she looked at me with so much fucking guilt behind her eyes, ripping her apart inside. It seriously pissed me off! It had nothing to do with her, or Bella.

I got drunk and totaled my car. All of it was my own doing!

The knock I'd expected ten minutes ago suddenly sounded at my door. I looked up feeling immediately pissed off and frustrated by the courtesy behind it. If it was under any other circumstances I would have thought it was my mother, but it fit right in with Alice's present guilt.

Walking angrily to the door, I reefed it open. Alice stood there, her expression knotting with concern. I groaned loudly, but not because of her presence—although I had to admit that pissed me off too—but because a sadistic part of me was glad to see her.

"Alice, since when do you fucking knock so politely?!" I exclaimed angrily at her. It seemed like a strange fucking thing to say in light of the situation, and was probably the reason why she was staring up at me as if I'd become unglued.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I-I—" she began, but I immediately interrupted her.

"Jesus, Alice, stop APOLOGIZING—and stop treating me like I'm going to fucking snap!" I yelled at her, feeling the heat flush my face angrily while the strain it put on my stomach was burning. I had the sudden urge to slam the door on her, but she stepped in, ducking under my arm that was gripping the door as I contemplated it.

"Like you are now?" Her voice wasn't teasing or even sarcastic, it was quiet and fucking sedate.

"Did you know she was going to do this?" I demanded. My chest went tight again, but I forced myself to breathe past it, pushing my ribs to accommodate it and not giving a shit that the pain was almost buckling me over.

Sighing deeply, and without a word in reply, she turned and sat down on the edge of my bed. Then with a rueful smile, she motioned with her finger for me to join her, patting the space beside her.

I huffed out angrily before my anger calmed a fraction, before begrudgingly sitting beside the little rat, running my hand stiffly through my hair. It tugged at the gash on my forehead, but again I ignored it—I deserved it, after all.

"Just tell me," I said in resignation.

"Okay..." She took a deep breath. "I wasn't sure, but I had an idea."

"Well, do you think you could have fucking warned me?" I snapped. If Alice wasn't so busy trying to protect me, I might have been ready when Bella ripped my fucking heart out the way she had.

"I wasn't sure," she repeated slowly, before she sighed again. "Look, the way she was the last time she saw you, she could have easily gone the other way."

"Well, obviously she fucking didn't!" I replied sarcastically, jerking my shoulder impulsively and openly fucking wincing.

She just gazed at me for a moment in fucking concern, before she elaborated, "Look, Edward, it's been pretty rough for her the last few weeks, and with everything she's been going through worrying about Kel, you kind of ... recreated it." Her voice dropped gently, and she looked as if it pained her to say it.

But I only sighed again. She'd hit a nerve and I couldn't find it in myself to be pissed at her. I realized I'd made it more real for what was happening with Kel.

I opened my mouth to reply, when Alice quickly continued, "Plus, she's been having a hard time at school."

I felt my forehead immediately etch. "What do you mean?"

She paused. "They're blaming her for what happened to you, and from what Jazz said they've been pretty relentless," she confessed quietly, her expression cautious again.

I turned to meet her gaze squarely. "Who's they?" I asked slowly, growing tense with anger again.

"Most of the school." Her tone went hard.

"What are they doing to her?" I demanded.

"They're ... look, it isn't important, and she's dealing with it now, getting tougher. Today she pretty much ignored it, but Rose said it was pretty hard for her the first day."

I huffed this time and got up from the bed angrily. A sharp stabbing pain in my stomach paralyzed me for a moment, but it only served to piss me off more. "She shouldn't have to deal with it!" I began to pace. "Why the fuck would they blame her for, anyway?"

No wonder she didn't want anything to fucking do with me!

Alice was quiet, and it took me a moment of fuming to myself before I realized she hadn't answered. I turned to her; she sat shifting uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze.

"Alice?" I prompted her, seriously.

She sighed reluctantly before answering, "Jessica Stanley told everyone that you and Bella were together, and Bella cheated on you with Mike Newton ... so you turned to her the night of the party." She shied away from me as if I was going to blame her for it.

But fuck me!

"Plus, your pal Newton is riding high on it and not denying any of it," she added, sarcastically.

At the sound of that pissant's name I felt myself tense. "What did he do for Bella to punch him?" I asked her slowly, keeping my tone measured, but really wishing I could just end that little fucker.

When Alice told me Bella had hit Newton, she made it sound innocent and funny. But the condition Bella's hand was in proved there was nothing fucking innocent about it.

She paused again, looking more uncomfortable and hesitant. "She said he ... kept trying to ... touch her—nothing like that, just touching her.

I was going to fucking break every one of his fingers!

Alice was quiet, obviously waiting for me to get a grip, before she continued. I was pacing, my hands balled into fists, fucking fuming. My whole body began to ache with it, but I shrugged it off stubbornly. "I'm going to school tomorrow, Alice. I can't have her getting fucking torn to shreds because of me."

She practically scoffed. "You think Mom will let that happen? Besides, Bella point blank refused to listen when I said I was going back to school early to stop it." She sighed deeply, growing more serious. "Edward, do what she asks. Give her time. You have to know how she feels about you, but you can't force her."

I blinked; her words suddenly jolting me.

How did she feel about me, and why wasn't I aware of it? She'd just told me she couldn't stand me.

I wanted to ask Alice, but I hesitated. It was something I had to find out on my own—something I had to hear from Bella. I had to listen to her—really listen. She wanted me to give her space, and I had to fucking do it.

The little rat was right; I couldn't force her. All I had done was push her away, and I had to start getting more honest with myself and what I really felt about her.

Putting my hands on my hips, I hung my head. I had fucked it up, that was certain, but I could give her time. I'd do whatever it took to make it up to her. I didn't fucking like it, but if she wanted me to leave her alone, I would.

Letting go of my breath again, I walked back over to the bed and sat beside Alice, slinging my arm over her shoulder.

"Okay, you're right," I conceded. I felt a ripple of panic plough through me, but at the same time it was strangely comforting. If it put me on the right path to fix what I'd all but destroyed between the two of us, then I'd do it, and I'd do it with a fucking smile plastered on my face.

...

Later, I had to all but shove Alice from my room to get her to leave, hoping it meant she'd finally be able to get past her guilt—guilt she didn't deserve—and maybe I'd be able to get past mine.

I was about to have a shower—I was still on fucking edge—when the fucking pussy music from Simple Plan that Alice listened to started blaring from somewhere inside my room. I walked back from the bathroom to investigate, finding the little rat's iPhone sticking half out from under my bed, lying face down.

Picking it up, I turned it over as my heart immediately quickened. A picture of Bella, smiling awkwardly, was flashing on the screen.

She'd sent Alice a message.

She had a phone? I was supposed to take her to Port Angeles to buy her one, but it had never happened. Instead, the Friday before the party, I'd decided to go all fucking jealous freak on her. I closed my eyes, recalling the horrible way I'd spoken to her and the fucking injured look she'd given me, and felt my heart plummet. I'd well and truly fucked things up, and it was going to fucking plague me forever.

Running my hand back through my hair, I stared down at Bella's face, contemplating the morals of it for no more than five seconds, before I shamefully clicked her text open.

I'll be OK. I just didn't want to hurt Edward more.

I stared almost blankly at the words. At first they just seemed like a meaningless jumble of letters, before they slowly became clear to me. Then taking a huge breath in, not even feeling the response in my stomach, I let it go with a sense of relief and a huge fucking smile.

I grabbed my phone and copied Bella's number into my contacts, before stealthily placing Alice's in her bedroom.

...

The next day Mom accompanied me to have my stitches removed and get checked over in order to determine whether going back to school at this point was prudent—as Carlisle had said.

It didn't matter to me what the doctor said, even what Carlisle said, I would be going to school the next day whether they liked it or not. Even then I was filled with an agitated fucking energy, knowing that my actions were causing Bella pain. The sooner I got back to school to make sure no one fucked with her, the quicker I'd feel at ease. I was impatient to make the shit she was going through stop, first and foremost. Secondly, I wanted to prove that I could do what she asked and keep my distance. I'd make her realize that I wasn't another disaster that unhinged her life; and thirdly, I wanted to see Mike-weasel-Newton's bicycle accident first hand. I had to admit, the more I thought of it, the idea of Bella punching that prick seriously turned me on.

I was given a clean bill of health. Apparently, life would carry on as usual with only half a spleen, so long as it did its job without incident. The doctor cracked a couple of jokes about how scars made a guy more attractive and we were allowed to leave.

Afterward, Mom took me out to lunch. The longer I was with her the more I began to feel completely fucking criminal. Emmett was right, I'd hurt her as well—a fucking lot; every molecule in her eyes were engraved with it. It was the same look I'd seen reflected in Alice's eyes, and in Bella's...

If Bella thought she was a disaster, I'd hate to know what it made me.

A/N: Thanks for reading :)