A/N: A bit of trivia; I first started writing this story in 2008! It seems crazy that it was that long ago. Every now and then, when I'm blocked, I will rewrite sections, bringing it up in times. They once had flip phones and emailed each other, now it's iPhone and Facebook. Memories….
Anywho, Edward's back at school and having an epiphany...

Chapter 19

Apologies.

Edward's POV

I knew a new kind of hell. It started the next morning as the reality of not having my car hit and I was forced to ride to school with Alice and Jazz.

Alice drove her car that morning, stopping to pick Jazz up, who jumped in the passenger side—Alice had banished me to the back seat—with a quick, "Hey, douche bag," in my direction before he and Alice proceeded with what I seriously fucking hoped was not their morning ritual.

After several minutes, when it began to appear as if they were just warming up, I lost patience and kicked the back of Jazz's seat—only to almost choke on the onslaught of pain that suddenly tore through me.

It worked in separating them long enough for Alice to put the car into gear and pull out of the driveway. However, when they threatened to get into it again at the first red light we came across, I was on the verge of exiting the car and walking the rest of the way to school.

It was a long five fucking minutes.

When we finally arrived, the first thing I noticed, as my heart quickened, was Bella's jeep. She, Jacob and his girlfriend were still inside—as were most of the students that had just arrived—due to the sudden down pour that had hit with only a few minutes until the start of class.

I glanced over at her and was suddenly unable to stall the grin from spreading across my face. Even from where I was in the back seat of Alice's hatchback, and separated by a ten-meter wall of water, I could still see the exasperation in Bella's posture. She had her head bent in her hands, her elbows resting against the steering wheel, while the forms of Nessie and Jake were just visible, making out in the back seat.

At least Alice and Jazzy had some semblance of restraint and kept their affections to a dignified minimum. If you could count the fucking ridiculous amount of times they could say I love you in the space of five minutes!

In typical Forks style, the downpour soon fizzled out to a light rain and we were free to exit the car. But whatever Alice and Jazz were doing, it took them a further few minutes. I was all but trapped behind the seats as their muffled I love yous grated on my last fucking nerve.

Eventually their need for air surpassed their obsessive-compulsive need to relay their love to one another and they got out of the car. It allowed me to climb over the passenger seat just as Jacob was walking past.

He glanced over at me with neither an adverse nor friendly expression on his face, before he smirked subtly to himself with an even-tempered, "Welcome back, Cullen."

His tone was all but neutral, except for the "Cullen" part, but regardless, it still took me a few moments to grasp the fact that he was addressing me with something that wasn't a threat. But as I continued to gauge him, I realized there was something about the way he was smirking to himself that made me feel slightly uneasy. It was as if he knew something I didn't.

But refusing to get hung up on the pissant, I shrugged my shoulders to myself and let it go.

Jazz glanced over his shoulder and grinned at me with a mocking amount of amusement. "See, dude, all you had to do was almost kill yourself to get Jacob off your back."

Throwing him a sarcastic grin, I heaved my bag on my shoulder, wincing pathetically. The fact that I was too aware that I still hadn't seen Bella walk past took the brunt of the pain, but it still didn't spare me from looking like a fucking geriatric. My thoughts didn't have time to dwell on my crippled state for long, though, because as I stepped out from behind the car with Jazz, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I immediately found myself staring into Bella's eyes.

My body temperature immediately hiked ten leagues warmer, and I paused; my breath stalling.

She was staring at me, her expression unreadable, while my heart was beating so damn fast it was beginning to make just breathing past my burning stomach almost impossible.

I only stared back at her, no doubt like a freak and looking like I was on the verge of having a heart attack—fucking feeble prick that I was—so was it any wonder that she began to appear uneasy. I must have looked like a psychopath, when it suddenly occurred to me that she wasn't staring at me, she was staring through me.

She walked straight past me as if I wasn't there, her eyes dropping to the ground, before she fell into step with Alice. "Hey, Alice," I heard her say quietly.

They continued toward the school building together, when Alice turned back to smile at me, her eyes burning with what looked like fucking sympathy.

I just stood staring after them, feeling fucking gutted; knowing I'd lost everything I'd gained with her and more.

She didn't even acknowledge me.

. . .

It would have been easier to stay angry with Bella—easier and a lot less aggravating—but I'd only just made it past first period when I first heard the rumors about her, and realized just how much my actions had fucked her over.

Every idiot who passed me made some stupid comment like, "Oh, Cullen, you're back?"

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!

At least Eric Yorkie was original, even if he was a complete fucking dick.

I arrived at first period early. Yorkie and a couple of guys were the only ones in the room, and as soon as I took my seat, Eric turned to me. "Hey, Cullen, how's your car?"

I stared at him for a moment, thinking I'd misheard. "Yeah, no good—scrap metal."

"That's a drag," he replied with sincerity, before turning to the guys around him. "It should have been that whore who totaled her car."

They snorted and snickered agreeing with him, and for whatever reason my initial thought was that they were referring to slut-bag Stanley. It was the reason behind my responding smirk, and it gave Yorkie the confidence to turn back to me and add, "Sorry about how she treated you, man. She's nasty, she even messed up Newton. I heard she pushed him off his bike."

I immediately went fucking rigid with anger.

They were talking about Bella and that fucking pissant Yorkie had just called her a whore!

I was on my feet in an instant, ignoring my ribs as they grounded in fucking protest, ready to rip Yorkie's head off as he cowered beneath me.

"What the fuck did you just say?!" I growled at him, my breath quickening, becoming weaker and fucking weaker as I stood over him.

"Shit, man—sorry! I—I didn't realize. Sorry, man!" he stammered, his eyes widening, his face steadily paling.

It was Jazz who removed me from the room before I lost all self-control and either beat the shit out of him, or collapsed like a fucking decrepit.

Once outside, Jazz released his grip on me with an edge of frustration. "Calm down, dude! It's what everyone is thinking, not just Yorkie."

I huffed furiously, needing to lean up against the wall to regain some of my strength.

"What were you going to do anyway? Beat him up and wind up back in hospital, so Bella can realize that you're still the same flighty prick who snapped and beat the crap out of her cousin?" Jazz challenged me.

His words were a fucking blow; I jerked my head up as though he'd punched me. Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled it deeply with a sinking realization that I was still that same person. The person Bella couldn't trust; the person that was unpredictable and acted without thinking; the person she wanted to leave her the fuck alone.

Could I blame her?

Fuck my life!

"You'd think she'd come visit you in hospital this time?" Jazz continued, though he had the decency to lighten the tone of his voice.

"Okay, Jazz, I fucking get it—Jesus!" I snapped, putting my hands on my hips and sighing again. "I didn't realize they were saying that shit about her. You think you'd just sit there if they were saying the same shit about Alice?"

Jazz snorted. "I doubt I'd have to. You'd beat me to it."

"Point taken, Jazmina!" I huffed in irritation.

Eric Yorkie, red faced and remorseful, was suddenly standing in front of me. "Hey, Edward—I'm really sorry. I-I didn't realize it would upset you."

I shook my head shortly, half impatiently and half out of guilt. "Don't worry about it," I muttered, conceding. "Sorry I took it out on you. Who told you that crap anyway?"

"Everyone's saying it ..." he admitted shame-faced.

"Well it's all bullshit!" I seethed.

He nodded quickly, flinching slightly.

Jesus, what a fucking pussy. It wasn't as if I could even do anything to him in the state I was in.

"Dude, just let it go," Jazz said quietly with a sigh and freaking roll of his eyes.

Yorkie disappeared back in the classroom, but I remained outside in an attempt to get a hold of my anger and frustration—and let's face it, self-loathing. It was all because of me that these assholes were saying that shit about her.

Folding his arms, Jazz suddenly smirked at me.

"What?" I challenged him; he was really beginning to piss me off.

He half shrugged before shaking his head lightly to himself. "Surely Alice told you what everyone was saying?"

"She didn't go into detail," I said lowly.

"You do realize that the source of these rumors is Stanley, don't you?" Jazz replied, arching a brow up at me.

I exhaled heavily. "Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck, struggling with the fucking guilt and the fact that I was really beginning to feel shitty. My stomach was burning and I fought the physical reaction to it with every breath I took. It pissed me off almost as much as what Yorkie had told me.

I knew one thing: I really couldn't blame Bella for treating me like shit that morning. Not after I had released Jessica Stanley on her—again.

"At least this time you know where it started." Jazz raised his eyebrows again in fucking emphasis; though, his meaning wasn't as subtle.

I jerked my shoulders in sudden irritation. "Yeah, look—whatever," I mumbled, before walking without another pause back into class, with one hand wrapped around my stomach.

I needed to sit down as much as I wanted to get away from the fucking reality of what Jazz was implying.

The teacher made a show of welcoming me back, which I suspected was going to be the norm for every class that day. Yorkie and his band of assholes kept their heads safely averted from mine the entire lesson, while the rest of the class only stared curiously, and fucking gossiped about me as if I wasn't in the classroom. I ignored them. I'd had an epiphany and I was unable to rid it from my thoughts.

As I contemplated the rumors about Bella—how stupid and fucking ridiculous they were—I realized how easily they'd seemed to spread, and how hastily I had laid the blame on the first person I'd heard them from. It was under almost exactly the same circumstances when I'd blamed Jacob for the shit going on about Alice—when all he was probably doing was over hearing and relaying what he'd heard—the same thing that I'd confronted Yorkie doing.

If it was true, I had some serious unresolved business with him.

. . .

As the day wore on, the rumors continued. Some like Yorkie felt the need to empathize with me, but most simply whispered them further into bullshit and exaggeration.

Some things that were said were so fucking ridiculous that I laughed when I heard, without even bothering to contradict them.

Newton visiting me in hospital where I woke from my coma just to punch him before going back into it, was one. Though, I vowed soon that wouldn't be entirely all a rumor.

Some were so nasty and cruel where Bella was concerned that it took all of my self-control to simply refute them and nothing more—alarming the asshole who felt the need to pass the rumor on to me.

Tyler Crowley was lucky that just because I knew he didn't start the rumors, didn't mean I wouldn't break his fucking legs for the things he said about Bella. The creep thought he was real fucking hilarious, expecting me to laugh.

Taking a deep measured breath, I closed my eyes, counting myself down, then focusing on the desk in front of me, not trusting myself to look up at him and see that wise-ass smile on his face, I set him straight, "The rumors about Bella are all bullshit, and if I ever hear you talk about her like that again, I'll fucking knock you into next week."

There was a pause, and when I glanced up at him, the smirk had fallen from his face. "Dude, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know—"

"Don't worry about it," I interjected, impatiently, "but maybe you shouldn't believe everything you hear."

Crowley sat gazing at me for a few moments as I ignored him, attempting to disconnect myself from my anger.

"So, she didn't screw around on you with Newton?" he asked, obviously not having enough perception to quit while he was ahead.

"No!" I snapped fucking repulsed, because if any girl left me for weasel fucking Newton, I'd kill myself!

He wasn't deterred.

"So ... was it you who knocked out Newton—cause, man, I don't believe that bike story for a second." Crowley lowered his voice with sudden interest, angling his chair to face me.

Folding my arms on the table, I glanced at him, then despite myself, broke into an ironic grin. "I haven't laid a finger on Newton—yet, and no he didn't fall off his bike."

"Didn't think so—too neat!" He scoffed.

I only half shrugged, but didn't offer a reply.

"So ..." he continued, "if it wasn't you, who was it?

"The next time you pass Bella, take a look at her hand," I replied, the smirk creeping across my face before I could stop it.

Let's see how Weasel explained his way out of that one.

Crowley smirked along with me. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"No way! Ha, what a pussy!" Crowley snorted, chuckling to himself. "So Bella's got balls, hey?"

Severing my gaze from his, I looked down at my folded arms, and replied—a little too freaking softly, "That she has."

...

In between classes I was conscious to make sure I didn't run into Bella in the halls. This was regardless of the fact that I ached for her in ways that made masochism a fucking art form. I just wasn't too fucking eager for a repeat of this morning in the parking lot—even if it wasn't close to what I really deserved. Not to mention, I was suddenly plagued with so much guilt over Jacob that I was convinced she'd detect it written all over my face.

I knew I had to square it with him, and I should have felt at least somewhat shitty for wronging him, but I didn't. I was going to have to take a huge chunk out of my pride to confess to him, and Jacob being who he was would probably make me fucking sweat. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that a part of me would be relieved. The bullshit between us had gone on long enough, and had got out of hand. Plus, there was the very obvious fact that he stood in the way between Bella and me—whether it was still salvageable or not.

I knew that making amends with Jake might possibly help with Bella, but I wasn't doing it for that reason, and I didn't want her, or him, to think that, either. The idea of it was almost worse than having to apologize in the first place. You could be certain that if I wasn't sure of Jacob's innocence, nothing and no one would get me to lower myself to grovel to him.

But I was wrong about him, plain and simple.

Fourth period arrived and my one class with whore house Stanley. I'd almost forgotten.

My skin crawled at the thought of what I'd almost let happen between the two of us. Never mind that I barely remembered. I'd had enough flash backs to ensure small scenes of it would never fade from my memory; guaranteeing another reminder of how I'd royally fucked things up with Bella.

As soon as she walked into the room, I went tense. She had the nerve to smile at me all coy-like, before she took a step in my direction. It's not that I was pissed at her—other than the fact that she was an evil fucking bitch to Bella—the entire school knew she was a whore; I was more pissed at myself. That I'd lowered myself to that.

She immediately made her way over to me, making me want to fucking haul ass out of the room.

"Hi, Edward. I'm glad you're back," she said all fucking provocative, before leaning over the table to deliberately flash her tits at me.

"Fuck me sideways," I muttered only half beneath my breath, wishing I could fork my fucking eyes out, and wondering why the fuck I ever thought about fucking her.

"Your tits are hanging out, Jessica." Of course Jazz just came right out and stated it.

She laughed, and then openly shoved them back into her t-shirt, while I all but slammed my head on the table.

"So anyway, now that you're feeling better, I was wondering if we could meet up again."

"He can't, Jessica. He has a doctor's note," Jazz piped up, saving me from the fucking torture of it. "No baseball, driving, or sticking it in skanks."

I snorted, hocking back a gallon of saliva trying to prevent it from being too obvious, and almost fucking choked to death. I had to hand it to the pissant; he was a pretty decent smart ass, sometimes.

"Oh, fuck you, Jazz!" she retorted, flipping her fucking hair over her shoulder before turning around to head to her regular table with that other skank, Lauren Mallory.

"Shit, no! Alice would kill me!" he countered, turning to flash me a sly grin.

Shaking my head to myself, I laughed lightly. "Thanks, Jazz."

I really didn't need to be thinking about Stanley, besides, I had more important things to concentrate on; like how I was going to get close enough to Jacob without a fucking white flag to wave or idiot Emmett interfering.

I figured the best idea would be to approach him at lunch in the cafeteria. Safety in numbers and all that—not that the idiot could possibly think I wanted to start any shit with him. I wasn't even a fucking match for weasel at the moment.

Then again, it was Jacob, after all.

...

My initial plan was to speak to him straight away and be done with it, but being the complete pussy that I was, I stonewalled myself and decided to eat first. The fact that Bella was at the end of the queue may have swayed my actions, though.

Grabbing a tray, I made my way to the line, the fourth person behind her, when the kid in front of her suddenly turned and noticed her standing there. "Hey Bella, so did you see Cullen's back today?"

"I guess I didn't do a very good job at killing him off then," she replied, pretty fucking shrewdly, but sounding irritated at the same time.

The kid began staring at her as though she had lost her mind, when he suddenly caught sight of me. "Oh, hey, Cullen, glad you're back."

Bella's head immediately whipped around, her eyes locking with mine, before narrowing, her face flushing.

I smiled at her awkwardly, not sure whether she was pissed at me or the kid, and feeling fucking full of doubt because of it.

Then again, when did Bella ever make me feel anything different?

She blinked, frowning slightly, while the shade of her face continued to darken before she tore her gaze from mine and turned away.

It couldn't have been fucking frostier, but all I could do was console myself with the fact that she'd at least acknowledged me.

I'd heard the rumor that Bella was trying to kill me. It was one of the most ridiculous.

Jazz sulked through lunch, no doubt blaming me for the reason he couldn't spend it with Alice. Not that he'd said that, and not that I really gave a shit either; I was too lost in my brooding thoughts of Bella.

I watched her discreetly during lunch; she still appeared as uptight and locked up as she usually did, but at the same time she was smiling and laughing.

But then what was I expecting? For her to be as fucking miserable as I was?

"Jeez, douche-bag—can you stop pining for Bella already." Jazz suddenly groaned, his mouth full of fucking hotdog.

I only stared at him, fucking repulsed. "Shut the fuck up, Jazz!"

"What are you so worried about, anyway?" he asked, simply. "So you fucked it up again, but she'll come around. She always seems to."

I only jerked my shoulder in irritation, but the dick didn't seem to take the hint.

"Plus, you've got Jacob off your back, now." He shrugged, shoving the rest of his hotdog in his mouth, before staring down at his phone, smirking—probably fucking sexting my sister from ten fucking feet away.

But at the mention of Jake, I reluctantly took a breath. "That reminds me, I'll be back in a minute," I muttered pulling myself up slowly from the table.

I glanced over at Jacob and paused, taking a moment to contemplate—or more like stall on—my decision to throw all my fucking dignity to the wind.

"Where are you going?" Jazz asked.

"I've got to talk to someone," I mumbled in reply.

As I made my way to the other side of the cafeteria, my entire body began to stiffen involuntarily. I shoved it away, reminding myself that all my preconceived prejudices about Jacob were wrong.

It was going to be a bitter fucking pill to swallow.

"Dude, what are you doing?" I heard Jazz call after me in confusion.

I ignored him, but Jesus, couldn't he take a fucking hint and shut the fuck up?

Jacob and Nessie remained oblivious to my approach until I was about ten feet away, when Nessie looked up and caught sight of me. Her eyes narrowed with immediate suspicion before she turned to Jacob, who was shoving the cardboard cafeteria food down his throat, and alerted him to me.

By the time Jake became aware of me, so had the entire fucking cafeteria, and the air in the room immediately began to buzz. I wasn't sure what everyone thought was about to happen—other than Jacob beating the shit out of me.

I stopped about ten feet from the table, before Jake glanced up at me, in the midst of eating his freaking disgusting looking hamburger, and raised a questioning, suspicious eyebrow at me.

I cleared my throat. "Uh, Jake, I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a moment. In private." I kept my tone even and neutral while struggling to keep my jaw from going rigid—on fucking impulse.

Half shrugging, before with a deliberate indifference, he got out of his chair and rose to his feet.

This was when Nessie jumped between us and wrapped her arms around Jacob's waist; as if she thought I was some kind of threat. As laughable as that was.

"Babe, don't!" she pleaded, before turning to survey me with hostility.

I offered her a reassuring half smile. "Don't worry, Nessie. I'll bring him back unharmed."

Jake immediately snorted sarcastically, before folding his arms across his chest. "Slightly delusional don't you think, Princess?"

Sighing inwardly, and forcing back any response, I only smirked at him and shrugged.

He scrutinized me for a moment, his eyes narrowing, before saying with a hint of impatience, "Okay, walk and talk, Cullen." Turning to his girlfriend, he bent down to kiss her. "It'll be okay, babe. I'll be back in a minute."

Reluctantly, she let her arms slip from about his waist as he took a step closer to me.

Motioning that I wanted him to follow me, I turned to walk out of the cafeteria, aware that every pair of eyes in the room were watching us. And just as I was about to step through the doors at the back exit of the room, I caught Bella's gaze. Her eyes were flooded with fear; in fact, her entire expression was overrun with it.

Surely she couldn't be worried about me?

I smiled at her in an attempt to reassure her, but it didn't seem to sway her at all; in fact, it only seemed to concern her more. She turned away looking frustrated, and with a sigh I left the room with idiot Jacob right behind me.

I continued to walk through the rain and soaking turf until I reached the outskirts of the school's perimeter. Jacob came to a standstill behind me, and stuffing his hands in his pockets he gave me a questioning shrug, his expression growing suspicious.

Taking a deep breath in, I turned my gaze from his and resisted the urge to grimace. "Look, Jake ... "I began my voice low and even, "with all the rumors I've heard today about Bella—"

"The rumors because of you and that bitch, Stanley," he interrupted sharply, his expression darkening.

I sighed again inwardly, a swell of irritation increasing within me—despite the fact that he was right. I continued, "I've realized that with all the shit being said, I was probably hasty when I blamed ... all that crap on you when Alice was sick. I owe you an apology ... so, I'm sorry."

Bowing my head, I released my breath heavily. It was awkward as all fuck, but it was finally done.

When I glanced up at him again he was gazing at me, his expression emotionless—almost blank, before he cocked a cynical eyebrow at me and broke into a smirk.

"Is that it?" he retorted shortly, drawing his hands from his jacket and folding them across his chest.

I balked before I could stop myself, blinking once or twice like I was a fucking dumbass, as the pissed off indignation that he was mocking me slowly sunk in.

"What else do you expect me to say?" I demanded.

He scoffed and half rolled his eyes. "And I suppose this sudden change of heart has nothing what so ever to do with the fact that Bella told you to stay away from her a couple of days ago?"

I was fucking pissed.

With my face flooding with heat, I took a step toward him without realizing, my hands balling into fists.

It was hard enough to approach him—hard enough to utter those two words out loud to him, when I could have quite happily gone through my entire life with the way things were between us, without a single ounce of fucking remorse.

"It has nothing to do with Bella," I replied lowly, quietly.

He had the audacity to scoff at me again. "Yeah, right. Okay, thanks, Cullen."

"Fuck you! I'm sorry I bothered," I snapped. It was all I could do not to wipe that smug look from his face, despite the fact that he'd probably kick my ass in the process.

"Why did you bother?" he shot back, the sneer still remaining on his face, while I fought the urge to slam my fist into it.

"I don't fucking know, but if you want to know the truth, I didn't want Bella knowing any of this. This has nothing fucking to do with her, and I was going to ask you not to tell her a word of it. But knowing you, you'll run and blab to her the first chance you get!" I raised my voice angrily, frustrated and pissed at my own stupidity. I should have guessed that it wouldn't have been so black and white and the little prick wouldn't be gracious enough to accept it and go about his pathetic existence.

I turned to leave.

"Hey!" he called out to me, his tone remaining suspicious but fractionally lighter.

Turning back, I glared at him. "What!?"

"You serious?"

"Of course I'm fucking serious!"

He rubbed his chin giving it weight as I stood there, my limbs trembling, completely fucking infuriated, having just swallowed all shreds of my dignity so he could spit it back in my face.

"Kay, I see that I've pissed you off." He had the nerve to grin at me as if he was enjoying the fact that he had.

"Get the fuck on with it!"

He shrugged with one shoulder smugly, remaining unconvinced. "Can you understand why I'd think it was all bullshit? I mean, the timing is convenient."

But I wasn't hanging around getting drenched in the rain so he could make more of a fucking joke of me.

"I don't give a fuck what you think—I'm outta here." I turned and headed back toward the school.

"Apology accepted!" Jacob called out after I'd taken half a dozen or so angry strides through the muddy turf.

Exhaling into a weary sigh, I turned back to face him.

"On one condition," he countered, his tone going almost serious.

"What?" I asked, but I was only humoring him, because I was fairly certain what that condition was going to be.

"That you stay away from Bella," he said, fucking challenging me.

I frowned, feeling my expression cloud. "You know I won't agree to that."

"Are you just intent on hurting her over and over?" he blurted, his demeanor suddenly switching to pissed off.

"My intention isn't to hurt her, why don't you get that?" I replied resentfully as my voice caught—making me fucking cringe.

"Whether it's your intention to or not, you still do," he stated, sounding suddenly frustrated. "Why can't you just move on to someone else?"

"I. Don't. Want. Anyone. Else!" I responded slowly, my voice strained. I was pissed off, but what was worse was I was beginning to feel like shit; my stomach was really beginning to fucking ache.

"And I don't want you to be with her. I live with her—I have to see the damage you do first hand!" he burst, and he was so serious his voice hitched as he spoke about her.

I felt the impact of his words before I was able to prevent it from reflecting in my face. But shoving it back, I allowed the anger to push to the surface and control my emotions again. "This was fucking pointless. Thanks for nothing, asshole!" I turned around and walked back toward the school, my footsteps making loud, angry thudding sounds in the damp earth as I went.

"You're welcome, Princess," he called after me.

I felt myself stiffen, but I made no other indication that I'd heard him.

The bell for fifth period had already rang by the time I walked back into the halls. Without bothering to hurry, I turned toward Bio, attempting to pull myself together. I was fucking pissed at Jacob, but at the same time, what he'd admitted left me on edge and fucking restless.

What degree of damage had I inflicted on Bella?

These thoughts plagued me all the way to Biology, when at the doorway, I almost ran into Bella herself—as fucking poetic as it was.

We both paused—or so it might have seemed for my part, because in actual fact, I'd pulled up short, tensing all over and in the midst of a fucking heart attack.

She looked at me awkwardly, her eyes flickering with an anxious edge to mine, before back to her feet.

Bella looked down so often it was a wonder she wasn't constantly walking into shit.

"Ladies first," I mumbled lowly.

She gazed up at me again, her eyebrows knotting slightly, before a hesitant smile appeared on her lips and quickly vanished.

She stepped into the room ahead of me, and I followed her—with an inward sigh of relief, as she made her way to our table. I was glad she was prepared to sit with me, at least.

In front of our lab table, Bella paused then moved aside, allowing me to pass her to reach my stool. My hand brushed against hers accidentally, making her flinch.

Fucking literally.

I sat down. Bella sat beside me and folded her arms on the tabletop, her cheeks burning slightly. She was making a conscious effort to not look at me, and in return, as I watched her ignoring me, she became aware of it.

Her eyes flickered in my direction, her brow puckering with obvious fucking discomfort, before she focused them back on her hands.

I was all-out staring at her, after all.

Tearing my gaze from her, frustrated at myself, I stared fixedly at the back of Thomas Knight's head, feeling the heat beneath my skin prickle up the back of my neck.

My damp sweater was soothing, but at the same time was heavy and uncomfortable. I grabbed it, noting Bella discreetly watching me, and pulled it over my head. I was secretly glad it was wet; I had a convincing reason to remove it, other than exposing my fucking soul to her, and allowing her to see the fucked up physical reaction I had to her.

Her shoulders hunched for a moment, before she relaxed them again. She bent her head forward and tucked a strand of her hair that fell in her eyes behind her ear. She was agitated and fidgety as she sat facing the front of the classroom, clearly fucking uncomfortable by the fact that I was sitting beside her.

Jesus.

I opened my mouth to speak to her, to ask her if she'd rather sit with someone else since I was making her so fucking uptight, but I didn't. I was still pissed over Jacob, on top of her continued frosty fucking reaction to me, and it was putting me on edge. I had to keep reminding myself that no matter how frustrating it was, she owed me fucking nothing. At the same time, I wanted her to know that despite all her assumptions about me, I did, in fact, have some self-control, and I could respect her wishes.

Turning my focus on the back of Thomas Knight's head again, I released my breath feeling fucking defeated and unsure of myself. I should have been used to it by now; it was the defining emotion that she brought out in me.

She made me fucking doubt—everything.

While I was sitting, brooding over all this, I noticed Bella go tense, before my attention was immediately diverted as weasel Newton walked in the room.

It was the first time I'd seen him all day, and even though my reaction to him was immediate anger, the moment I noticed the still healing cut on his lower lip, I snorted openly. Then on impulse, my glaze switched to Bella's injured knuckles; her hands were balled up, clutching both ends of her pen tightly. It was the only evidence that she wasn't as oblivious to Newton as she appeared.

He approached her casually, while every pair of eyes in the room followed him as he paused in front of our table. He blatantly ignored me, while I glared furiously at the pissant, straining against the almost irresistible urge to jump up and break his fucking neck.

"Hey, Bells."

"Bite me," Bella retorted, without turning her head in his direction.

My lips twitched instantly and I fought back a chuckle.

"Aww come on, Bells, you know I don't bite," was the asshole's response.

Bella's face only flashed angrily.

"But I fucking do," I piped up, making sure that the weasel was well aware of my meaning.

He paused, no doubt wondering whether to call my bluff, before half shrugging the fucker walked passed us, toward his table.

"Asshole," Bella whispered to herself.

"I foresee another bike accident in Newton's future," someone from behind us spoke up before half the class burst into snickering.

I placed my hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter. It was jerking in my ribs, causing me to openly wince. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to see how much of a fucking geriatric I was and take pity on me.

I peeked over at her a moment later, she was smirking subtly, then noticing I was watching her, she turned her eyes in my direction. They locked with mine for the briefest of moments as a genuine smile lit up her face and then was gone again.

It was warm and affectionate—without an ounce of doubt or suspicion. It was the exact same smile from my fucking dreams—only I'd never seen her smile like that at me before.

Was she smiling at me? Or was it just a reaction to what was said about Newton?

I had no fucking idea.

"Mr. Cullen, I heard you were back today. It's good to see you," Mr. Banner's voice suddenly broke me from my daze.

I glanced up quickly; there was a small smirk on his lips that made my over-heated blood head straight to my face. I only nodded.

He continued to peer at me over his glasses. "How are you feeling?" he asked me a moment later.

"I'm—fine thanks," I stammered, clearing my throat.

Since finals were only a month away, he decided it was time for a trial run. Going down the aisles, he passed out test sheets, stopping in front of Bella to gaze at me with scrutiny again. "Were you able to get any of the work your sister took home for you done, Edward?"

"Most of it, yes," I answered.

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied quietly, placing two test sheets in front of Bella before moving on.

Bella passed me a test paper, the remnants of that smile still on her lips; though, she didn't turn to meet my gaze.

A moment later we started.

I couldn't concentrate. I glanced at the test, but it might as well have been written in Chinese for all the sense it made to me. My eyes scanned it, but my mind couldn't process a thing with Bella next to me; with her blatantly fucking with me like this!

I knew only one thing: I had to speak to her, I had to know what the fuck she was thinking; and I had to see that smile again and know that I wasn't fucking delusional.

Pulling out my note pad from under my books, I scrawled a quick note to her, while my hands began to tremble again. I was resigned to the fact that I no longer controlled a single molecule in my body when it came to her.

So, new job as assassin huh? I wrote, before discreetly sliding it in front of her.

She glanced at it, her lips twitching slightly before writing a reply and sliding the note pad back in my direction.

It's common knowledge that I'm trying to kill you.

I muffled my reaction through my nose, then turned my head slightly to glance at her. She was writing on her test sheet, her lips still playing with the idea of that smile while her expression was all but neutral.

Yeah, she was fucking with me, but I no longer gave a shit. I was hers—I was gladly hers, whether she wanted me at the moment or not.

Are we on speaking terms, during bio? I wrote, feeling my pulse hike up a fraction as I slid the pad back to her and braved her response.

She gazed at it again, but this time her eyes lingered on it, her brow furrowing slightly, before she wrote a quick answer on it and slid it back.

No.

I wasn't deterred.

That's okay, I guess I can handle writing terms.

Her smile pulled slowly to the surface, but was overshadowed as she rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly to herself. She wrote in reply: What makes you think we're on writing terms?

Because you have replied to me three times. I wrote, smirking subtly to myself, before sliding it slowly in front of her.

When she read it, she quite openly huffed sounding exasperated.

Still grinning to myself, I drew my test sheet in front of me. I got no further past writing my name on the top right hand corner of it, when Bella turned squarely to face me. I looked up and caught her gaze.

Her expression was completely cynical, and she was doing that eyebrow shit. Then breaking away, she pulled the note pad in front of her and wrote a message on it, before impatiently pushing it in my direction.

Looking down, I read it, the corners of my mouth tugging into secret amusement.

Very funny, Edward!

She had written my name, and I didn't know whether it meant anything, but I became transfixed by it written in her handwriting. I couldn't tear my eyes from it and I had a corny fucking urge to write hers next to it.

Mr. Banner walked past, paused at our table and cleared his throat intentionally before moving on. Bella snapped her attention back to her test paper, while I attempted to do the same. My eyes scanned the sheet but nothing was absorbed and soon they focused on the note pad again.

Sliding it back in front of me, I quickly wrote her what I was determined to be my last contact with her. For how long I wasn't sure, but I knew if I wanted to make any leeway with her I had to do it. I also knew with a sense of uneasiness that the whole martyr thing on my part could seriously backfire on me.

Bella, I want you to know that I can respect your feelings. I'll leave you alone from now on, K?

I pushed it back to her. Her eyes focused on it, just as the fucking teacher paused in front of us again. "Edward and Bella, is this something that can't wait until after my class is over?"

Clearing my throat, I rather arrogantly pulled my test paper back in front of me, while Bella tore the paper from the note pad, folded it neatly and placed it in her pocket.

There was no chance I'd finish the test from that moment on.

I peered at her on and off throughout the rest of the class. She was focusing her attention on her test sheet, seemingly gone back to her original stance of neither acknowledging nor ignoring me; her eyes did not deflect from the paper even a fraction. She had the barest hint of a smile on her lips as if she was secretly enjoying making me suffer, and it was seriously pissing me off.

Bella wasn't one of those girls who played games. She didn't fuck with me, and what she said she meant. There were never any double meanings—so what the fuck was she doing now?

Punishing me?

She had to be aware of how much she affected me. I'd already admitted to her the fucked up fact that she made me hot. I shuddered from the memory, deliberately jerking my shoulders by the mortification of it, as I caught Bella's attention. This time she appeared confused, while looking like she thought I was unhinged—making me question everything all fucking over again.

She had to be fucking with me. Or was she just torturing me? Or could she really just not fucking stand me?

Surely, I had to have some impact on her, as well. The fact that she sat with me, answered my notes and didn't tell me to "bite her" made me feel like all hope wasn't lost.

I had to face it; I was no closer to figuring her out than I ever was, and by the end of the lesson I had become so plagued by Bella's behavior toward me that I was close to reefing my hair out.

Running my fingers through my train wreck of a hair one more time, I grabbed my test paper, pulling it in front of me so I could peer at it more closely. But I couldn't put her out of my mind, and I had the compulsion to burst, "why the fuck, Bella, did you keep my note? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone!"

I thought about asking her straight out, but since I promised I'd stop talking to her, without knowing if she was okay with it, I couldn't. Not without looking like a fucking flake who couldn't keep his word, anyway.

Biology ended. Mr. Banner came down the aisle collecting all the test papers, reserving an arched eyebrow for the state of mine. Along with my hair, which no doubt made me look like a freak show, my test had borne the brunt of my frustration. It was incomplete by more than half and was torn and creased like I'd crumpled it up, retrieved it and smoothed it out again—which I had.

Sighing heavily, I fought against the urge of another assault against my hair before grinning up at him with blatant sarcasm.

He gave me a scrutinizing look for a moment, then turned his attention to Bella. "Miss Swan?" he asked her.

Bella's head snapped up in surprise. "Yes—sir?" she stammered, caught off guard.

"Would you mind at all sharing your notes with Edward from the time he missed?"

Of course, Mr. Banner was my all-time favorite teacher.

"Um, no, I don't mind," she answered him, turning to gaze at me, her expression flooding with suspicion, as if to say, "You planned this all along, didn't you, asshole?"

"Good," Mr. Banner replied, sounding satisfied before putting mine and Bella's test papers on top of his pile and moving further up the aisle.

Sighing deeply to herself, almost appearing flustered, Bella heaved her bag onto her shoulder then took a step into the aisle.

For some unfathomable reason, I panicked, and immediately leaped to my feet after her—only to almost buckle over in pain. Struggling to hold back the all-out fucking groan, my arm flew reflexively around my stomach while I fought suddenly to catch my breath.

Bella, with her back turned to me, didn't notice my public moment of decrepitness, but weasel Newton did, and he openly smirked smugly as he passed.

"You right there, Cullen?" His eyes turned in Bella's direction, that smug fucking look broadening just as she turned around to face me. It gave me exactly two seconds to stand upright, while silently choking back the second spasm of pain.

She eyed me intently for a moment, her brow knotted, and for a moment I was sure it was out of guilt. I flashed her a quick smile hoping it wasn't coming across as a fucking grimace, and in reply, she sort of half smiled before turning back to Newton.

"Bye, Bells," Newton drawled arrogantly, winking at her fucking cockily, while my hands reflexively clenched into fists.

One day soon I was going to fucking end that prick!

"Goodbye, Mike, you be careful on your bike this time," Bella retorted, dryly.

I'd been holding my breath to prevent myself from wheezing, so when I attempted to snort over Bella's comment, I almost fucking collapsed. Coughing and clearing my raspy throat, while the pain shooting through me was like flashes of fucking white light behind my eyes, I almost missed the priceless look that broke across Weasel's face.

His arrogance fell instantly, but didn't disappear completely, before he walked out of the room. I watched him go feeling my expression darken the longer my gaze remained on him—only to discover that Bella was watching me, with a frown on her face.

Fuck!

Sighing shortly to herself, she prepared to leave before half turning back to me. "See you later," she mumbled, her tone courteous but distant, while her expression was blank.

"Good-bye, Bella," I replied, feeling defeated again, and more and more fucking convinced she was deliberately torturing me.

Then, releasing her breath—deeply this time, as if she was fucking over it, she walked out of the room, without looking back.

Sighing, I grabbed my bag, and left a safe distance behind her.

A/N: Am I half way there yet?