Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the Warrior Cats Parody Book 1: Into The Weird Wild. So far, I got a few views and a review, but that's all fine. I can update whenever I'm not busy with writing a kids book series. Like I said many times before, if you find any mistakes in my story, please let me know so I can fix them. I appreciate constructive criticism as long as you're polite about it.

Like I said in the last chapter, this is a safe place, no need for politics here. No jokes about Republicans or Democrats, no Obama or Donald Trump jokes, just some random fun with Warrior Cats.

Uploading Date: April 17, 2017

Enjoy!

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The Chosen One Wants Pizza

A young orange cat named Rusty was busy stalking a mouse in his dream. He felt free without his collar, without its noisy jingling and making it difficult to swallow. Anyway, he had caught the mouse and was happily playing with it before he could eat it. After all, no mouse meat tasted good unless someone played with it a little.

But that was all interrupted, as he was in a dream, and he was woken up by his owner playing Overwatch. Rusty himself never understood the game, but he knew it was inspired by World Of Warcraft, and he had played World Of Warcraft before he retired from it. Still, he was irritated at being woken up and said, "I'm hungry!"

His owner heard the yowl and got him some cat food. As Rusty ate, he also felt his collar on his neck and hoped that he could get it off. He had heard of one cat trying a stupid way of getting his off by using a dog's tooth. It didn't end well. But when he finished eating, he was still hungry. He needed a real good meal, a big meal, a great big "Whoa, Mama!" kind of meal.

I wonder if the pizza place is still open? Rusty thought. Dang, if only Little Caesar's didn't make you come get the pizza instead of delivery LIKE NORMAL CATS.

He knew the Little Caesar's was on the other side of the forest, where he had always wanted to explore. That way, he would kill two birds with one stone: he'd get to explore his dream place and eat pizza. So he went outside and did some push-ups before jumping up on the fence, ready to get started.

"Where are you going, Rusty?" asked a black-and-white cat named Smudge. He was Rusty's friend, and he was sitting on the fence with a honey bun.

"To get some pizza. Duh," said Rusty.

Smudge's eyes widened. "You're not going into the woods, are you? Henry said it's dangerous."

Rusty rolled his eyes. "Baloney, Smudge. Baloney, fudge, and mustard. He's never moved from that spot on the porch ever since he came back from the vet."

"He's almost life-like," Smudge insisted.

"I heard that!" yowled a voice not too far away.

They looked around to see who said it. Then Smudge said, "You wouldn't catch me in there. Henry said that big wild cats sharpen their claws on old bones, eat live rabbits for breakfast, and make you watch reruns of modern Family Guy."

"Don't worry, I'll be back," said Rusty.

"Don't say I didn't warn ya," said Smudge, finishing off his honey bun.

So Rusty dropped down from the fence and headed off into the forest. It was a bit spooky at night, with owls hooting and trees towering over him and the possibility of Slenderman being around. But Rusty rememebered to get some pizza, so he kept walking onward. His hunger for the spicy pizza pie overrode his fear of what was in the dark.

All of a sudden, something big and fluffy slammed into him. It let out a screech as horrible as a screechy chalkboard, yelling "Everyone was kung-fu fighting!" So Rusty decided to run but then thought better of it, and he flat-out socked the other cat in the jaw. He jumped back, ready for more, but he relaxed a bit as the attacker got closer, no longer in the fighting mood.

"Hey, kittypet! You fight good for a tame kitty," said the attacker, a gray kitten with a backpack on his back. He fished out a can and handed it to Rusty, asking, "Want a Mountain Dew?"

"My mom said never take food from strangers...but I'm kinda thirsty," said Rusty, opening the soda can and taking a drink. "Thanks."

The kitten took out another Mountain Dew can and started chugging it. "I'm Graypaw, by the way," he said, making a burp. "I'm training to be a ThunderClan warrior."

Rusty smirked. "I'm Rusty. And if a soda-chugging kitten's the best the forest has to offer, Mr. Graywhatsit, then I think I can handle it."

"Baloney," remarked Graypaw. "Anyway, I belong to one of the forest cat Clans called ThunderClan. In a Clan, we look out for each other, hunt some tiny helpless critters, and even drink milk out of the carton."

"Yeah, impressive," said Rusty, pulling out his phone and looking up Harry Potter FanFiction. "Look, why don't you come with me for some pizza and then come home with me. You can play all day and look cute for the humans..."

"Yeah, and only pee in a box and eat pellets and not drink soda all the time!" Graypaw spat. "No way! I prefer the wild, where we do whatever we want."

"Like hunting down helpless small animals and eating them?" Rusty asked.

Graypaw nodded. "Heck yeah! But don't tell me..." His eyes got sly. "You haven't eaten mouse yet, have you?"

Rusty felt very defensive. "N-No," he said bravely. "My mom wouldn't let me. She said it's bad for digestion."

"Haha! Wimp!" laughed Graypaw.

As Rusty was willing to fight Graypaw again, a female voice asked from the bushes, "What's going on here?"

Out of the bushes came a gray cat holding a phone in her paw, and behind her was a huge lion-like cat. He was holding a book called The Fellowship Of The Ring in a paw.

"You shouldn't be so near Twolegplace, Graypaw," he warned.

"Sorry, Lionheart," Graypaw replied. "Hey, how'd you know I was near Twolegplace?"

Lionheart rolled his eyes. "I sent you a text, and you didn't respond. When that happens, that means you're near the Twolegplace. You shall not pass into the Twolegplace."

Graypaw rolled his eyes too. "I put my phone on silent, Lionheart, just like you wanted me to. Or do you always look up those fancy dinner recipes you wanna make for the whole Clan?"

Now it was Lionheart's turn to look embarrassed. "Don't tempt me, Graypaw," he blustered.

"I'd love to hear more mentor/apprentice drama, but we've got a kittypet to question here," said Bluestar. Turning to Rusty, she smiled a bit and said, "You've handled yourself out there, Rusty. Sharp eyes, good hunting form."

"Thanks, but I was actually gonna get pizza," said Rusty. "And how'd you know my name?"

Bluestar sighed and rubbed her face with her paw. "I've seen you grafitti your name on the fence you're always sitting on. Pretty big target you're painting on yourself."

Rusty chuckled awkwardly.

"Bluestar, he is a kittypet," Lionheart told her. "Send him home to his Twolegs."

Rusty blinked. "Wait, why?" he pleaded. "I was gonna hunt for a bit after I eat some pizza. Isn't there enough to go around?"

Suddenly, Bluestar's face switched to pure rage as Graypaw muttered something about triggering. Then Bluestar snapped, "You did NOT just say that, you little punk! You wouldn't be saying that f you weren't a fat, lazy, good for nothing, stupid, idiotic..."

"Whoa," said Lionheart. "You're going overboard..."

"...obnoxious, arrogant, pinheaded..."

"Who you calling pinheaded?" asked Graypaw.

"...dirt-eating, pizza-loving little punk!"

Rusty took it all in with wide eyes. Then he clapped and said, "Bravo, Bluestar. Now that we're done..."

"WE ARE SO NOT DONE!" Bluestar roared, punning him down. She was going to finish him like Edward Kenway finished off assassins.

To be continued...