A/N: I think this entire story is a testament to how unhinged I am capable of being. Comedy and angst. Bit of a bloody worry, I swear. It was really the first thing I wrote in ten years, so I had a lot of shit that wanted out of my head, all at once. Oy vey…
Chapter 21
Roots
Edward's POV
I was late to Spanish. I could only guess what my expression looked like; I felt manic. As for the rest of me, as soon as Bella was safely out of sight, I'd ripped the layers of clothes over my head and let the rain cool my over-heated skin. My t-shirt had stuck to my chest and was still plastered there when I walked into class.
As soon as Jazz spotted me a mocking smirk broke across his face. "Hey, dude."
I ignored him, slumped in my chair languidly, grinning to myself and not giving a shit how freaking gay I looked.
"So I'm gathering Bio went well then?" he asked, his smirk turning into an eye roll.
I half shrugged, my grin pulling wider. Hell, I couldn't help it. "It went okay."
"So ... is it going to be safe to sit beside you?" He snorted, but I wasn't bothered by it—I deserved a lot more. Still, I wasn't declaring open season.
"Well, that depends on how much you piss me off," I retorted, but I was already over it. My skin was buzzing, making me feel fucking hornier, and this was on top of how fucked up exhausted I still was from attacking that prick in the halls. I felt drunk—at best, and maybe slightly high.
Jazz snorted again; at least I think he did...
. . .
When we reached the car park at the end of the day, we were just in time to see Weasel Newton approach Bella and Alice—who were walking several feet ahead of us. I was immediately tense, clenching my fists so tightly I felt my knuckles crack, before quickening my step and ignoring Jazz as he groaned from beside me.
By the time I reached Alice, Weasel had pulled Bella aside, just out of view a couple of feet away, toward her Jeep.
"What the fuck does that piece of shit want with her?" I demanded, my voice all but a growl, but Alice merely shushed me with impatience to be quiet. She even brushed off Jazz's affections, before tilting her head in the best advantage to eavesdrop.
When Bella spoke her voice carried to us clearly, flooded with irritation. "I'm waiting, Mike!"
We had to strain a little harder to overhear weasel. "I was just wondering ... if we could bury the hatchet and all that..."
His voice was wavering. I smirked to myself, on the verge of snorting, when Alice whacked me in the chest and brought her finger to her lips.
"For the love of God!" Bella burst with impatience.
"I was wondering ... if ... you'd..." Weasel failed the second attempt, faltering again.
Bella huffed, clearly pissed off. "If I'd WHAT?!"
"If you'd go to the prom with me?" he blurted out hastily, obviously before the dick lost the nerve.
Holding back an open laugh tested all boundaries of my self-control. I was forced to cough and splutter it behind my hand, and again, Alice turned to me, bringing her finger to her lips, only this time she was fighting the obvious urge to grin.
There was silence from Bella. I all but strained my neck to hear her response.
"WHAT?!" she finally demanded, sounding like she was in disbelief.
"I was won—" Weasel began but Bella cut him off.
"I heard you the first time!" she exclaimed, before mumbling something I couldn't make out.
Weasel didn't reply, and after another pause Bella spoke up again, "Mike, obviously you have delusions about us, so I am going to make this very clear"—Weasel still didn't respond—"I would rather swallow razorblades than go anywhere with you. Besides, haven't you heard? We are no longer together. I'm screwing Edward!"
Jazz scoffed this time and nudged me. I barely registered it; I was dazed, breaking into a huge fucked up grin.
Mike's voice piped up, regaining some confidence, "Come on, Bells, you know that's all a rumor."
"Just like your bike accident, Mike—and let me assure you it's not a rumor, and compared to Edward"—she suddenly rose her voice for the obvious benefit of everyone in the car park—"YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A PENCIL!"
Okay, I got that she hated Newton and wanted to embarrass him, but … holy fuck!
Alice immediately snickered, while I became only half aware of Jazz shoving me forward.
"Duuuuude," he drawled in my ear.
"Bella, come on, everyone knows what's been going on," was Newton's asshole smug reply.
I felt myself stiffen, but Alice only turned to me, shaking her head; her expression still all out amusement.
Bella snorted without a pause. "They do, Mike. They've been talking about it all day; haven't you been listening? The whole school saw me and Edward fucking fifty ways til Sunday. So yeah, guess I'm going to the prom with him."
Wait—she was?
I was stonewalled by complete paralyzing desire; it was fucking painful.
"Aw come on, Bells, no more games." Weasel was persistent, but it didn't even remotely bother me by this point. Bella was owning his ass—just like she owned mine.
"Time to accept reality, Mike. I dumped you because unlike Edward YOU'RE A DUD ROOT!"
He was a ... what?
Despite having the boner from hell, I could only blink my eyes blankly in complete confusion. I bent my head down to Alice, who was busy choking back her laughter.
"What did she just say, Alice?" I asked curiously, keeping the volume of my voice low.
Jazz spoke the same question only it was drowned out by Emmett who'd just arrived, exclaiming loudly, "DUD ROOT? NEWTON, MAN, THAT BLOWS!"
"Pun intended," Bella muttered.
Alice almost puked up her lungs bursting into laughter. "Dud root. It means," she paused to get control of herself, "shit at ... sex."
Oh, Jesus! I was too exhausted for another erection ... wasn't I?
"Dude, you're taking Bella to prom?" Jazz asked me.
"Apparently," I replied, shaking my head to myself almost incredulous. Just yesterday she was still ignoring ass and now—I wasn't shit at sex?
Okay, I needed to get a grip. She was shoving me in Newton's face because she knew it'd piss him off. That was all. Unless … almost killing myself on some asshole in the halls had caused her wall to come crashing down in one go.
I quickly positioned my bag in front of me just as weasel walked hastily past us, his face a tomato, his eyes staring at the ground, and mumbling something about not being a shit lay. I snorted out a snicker openly and he hurried his step.
"Hey, dud root?" Emmett called after him. Weasel's eyes rose slightly in our direction and Emmett added. "Have a nice weekend, yeah?"
At that moment Bella stepped around from the side of her jeep, tentatively. The look on her face clearly indicated that she was mortified by the prospect that I'd heard her conversation with weasel.
She seriously didn't know I was there?
I smiled at her, watching as the color flushed her cheeks. She caught my gaze and smiled back, though her expression was flustered and slightly pissed off.
She only broke our gaze when Alice made her way over to her.
Alice hugged her impulsively, laughing as she did, before the two of them stepped back behind Bella's car and I lost sight of her.
Emmett passed me then, slapping me vigorously on the back. I had to fight to remain upright.
"Edwina..." he drawled, his expression fucking suggestive. "By the way, that rumor? Wonder who started it…?" He coughed deliberately, winking.
I only scoffed, breaking into a reluctant smile and shaking my head to myself.
I watched Emmett approached Bella and Alice, and my heart almost stalled. I moved forward a few feet so I could see them; they were chatting, and as he passed them, he paused to say an over the fucking top good-bye to Bella. She glanced over at him, breaking into a broad grin and raised her hand in response.
That seemed to be it.
I let out the air that I'd been holding subconsciously in my lungs, prematurely, because after he'd taken a few steps more, the asshole turned back to her.
"Bella?" he called out, while my stomach lunged in panic
She looked over to him again, her eyebrows shooting up questioningly.
"How do you say the opposite of dud root? 'Cause obviously bludge needs a new nickname." He smirked, before turning to me and giving me the thumbs up sign.
Fuck my life. I groaned inwardly, reaching up to rub my brow with my fingertips.
Bella turned slowly to face me, her cheeks turning that fucked up appealing shade again.
I flashed her the best I'm-sorry-my-brother-is-a-dickhead look I could manage in the second or two before she turned back to Emmett. I doubted she registered it, the expression on her face appeared jarred—and cynical again.
"Uh..." she stammered, sighing with an embarrassed sort of smile.
Alice interjected, rolling her eyes. "Emmett, leave her alone."
He winked at her. "Never mind, I'll come up with something."
I had no doubt he would.
He continued to his car, paused at the driver's side door then bellowed, "DUD ROOT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS?"
Jazz burst into laughter, while Bella bowed her head and exhaled, smiling to herself, and looking more and more self-conscious.
"WHERE THE DUD ROOT IS ROSIE?" Emmett exclaimed a moment later, and I truly thought idiot Jazz might burst a blood vessel in his brain.
Rose walked past only moments later, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to know," she sighed, before she stopped to give Bella and Alice one of those kisses that girls give one another—before jumping into the passenger side of Emmett's massive F250.
Bella and Alice continued to chat a few feet ahead of Jazz and I, while Bella obviously waited for Jacob and Nessie. Her eyes pulled in my direction a couple of times, before she reined them back to Alice, while the ruddiness to her cheeks remained intact—despite the fact that she was shrinking into her jacket from the wind. I couldn't feel the degree of the weather; I was too fucking hot to feel anything but the rate of my pulse and throbbing, half erection.
Jazz smirked. "Dude, seriously, have you two fucked...?" He raised his eyebrows his grin turning smutty.
I turned to him and shoved him, ready to rip his fucking tongue out, when Emmett's voice sang out in the distance.
"HURRY THE DUD ROOT UP!" He was hanging out of the window of his car, about six cars back in the usual queue that you had to put up with every afternoon at the intersection of the school.
Jazz barreled over laughing like the total wank that he was just as the sound of Bella's traveled over to me. It effectively distracted me from my intention of killing the idiot as my train of thought ceased instantly by the soft timbre of it.
Jesus, I had no fucking idea what Bella did to me, but I found I wasn't so adverse to it anymore.
. . .
When the parking lot was practically empty, Jake and Nessie finally approached, walking slowly, hanging onto each other; making me scoff to myself. But, on closer inspection, it became obvious that Nessie was unwell, and just as they passed Jazz and me she suddenly went into a bout of gross sounding coughing.
Jazz hastily whipped around, his hand clamped over his nose and mouth, anxiously. "Final game tomorrow—can't get sick!"
Jacob's eyes narrowed in his direction for the barest moment, before his attention quickly returned back to his girlfriend. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, his brow creased.
He was turning into a pile of sap. Okay, so the asshole loved his girlfriend…
Bella quickly came toward her, her eyes wide with concern. "Oh, Ness—you okay?"
"Don't come too close, Bella. I'm contagious," Nessie replied in a miserable-sounding nasally voice.
Ignoring her, Bella wrapped her arm around Nessie's shoulder, before turning to Alice. "I'll ring you tonight, Alice, okay?"
"Cool, Bells. You still coming to the game with us tomorrow?" Alice asked, just as my heart reached the point of critical failure.
Bella was coming to the game with us—with me?
"I said I was, didn't I?" was her teasing response, before she turned her gaze in my direction and her smile broadened somewhat.
"Goodbye, Edward—see-ya, Jazz!" she stammered, turning her attention quickly to Jazz. Her face was flushing again, just as Nessie clamped her hand half over her face and began sneezing all over her.
"Goodbye, Bella," I replied softly, my pansy ass voice not really holding up. But since she had already turned and began walking Nessie in the direction of her Jeep, it was probably a good thing.
"See-ya, Bella!" Jazz sang out loudly after her, before snorting and nudging me forward.
She turned back in response to him, but her eyes locked with mine, and for a brief moment a wide smile brightened her face, reflecting in her eyes, before it vanished and she turned away, leaving me jolted and blinking fucking numbly.
No suspicion, no I-see-right-through-you-Edward-Cullen, or if-you-touch-me-you-die shit—there was none of that!
"I think you left your balls in Bella's bag, dude," Jazz snickered, effectively snapping me out of my stupor with an internal groan.
I ignored him as he laughed at his own joke, and climbed into the back of Alice's car, over the passenger side seat.
There was the usual Alice, Jazz, how-was-your-day, I-love-you-baby crap to sit through, before they finally dragged their asses into the car. After that, it was exactly forty-five seconds into the car ride home when Jazz told me my body heat was turning the car into a crematorium.
"Jesus, Jazz, do you fucking Google at night?" Though I had to admit, that one was actually pretty original.
The only thing that stemmed their laughter was the next red light, where it was immediately muffled.
"Jesus fucking Christ..." I muttered to myself, letting it go in frustration, despite the fact that I was pretty much expecting it. If I didn't become immune to their bullshit, or find another way of getting to school, another six months without a license would be the fucking end of me!
. . .
Jazz's latest ploy in gaining extra time to feel up my sister was to drive to our house in the mornings, go to school with Alice and I, then hang out all afternoon with Alice, in the fucking pretence of studying with her in her bedroom. After he was fed, Mom would eventually chase him off at the end of the day.
So when all three of us walked through the front door that afternoon, Emmett had come up with my nickname, exclaiming it the minute I walked through the front door, "DUDLEY DOO ROOT!"
Jazz almost fell to the ground in a fit of idiotic laughter, while I groaned loudly, but it was all bullshit; I wasn't really pissed. Bella could tell anyone she wanted that I wasn't a dud root and Emmett could give me as much crap as he wanted to over it. It was completely fine with me.
Of course, now it was Emmett's favorite thing to say. You'd actually be surprised by the inventiveness in which he could drag it into conversation. The guy was a walking PhD, on wise assness. And every time he came up with a new way to express it, idiot Jazz would practically bleed from his eyes, laughing that much.
I was hanging in the living room, watching television and studying in an attempt to avoid fucking Jazz and the little rat when they decided to join me. Emmett followed a few minutes later. I gave up on studying after the fifth time Emmett interrupted me with one of his 'dud root' jokes, but since he hadn't cracked a single cold without Bella joke, I was more than cool with it. In fact, after a while I realized I was subconsciously laughing along with dickwad Jazz.
"Jazzy, babe, don't encourage him," Alice whispered into Jazz's ear—while my skin crawled—after Emmett innocently inquired if Australia's version of Hooters was called Rooters. Jazz of course had almost puked up his lungs laughing. "I'll never get Bella to stay over on the weekend," she added with a sigh, while my heart came to a violent pit stop in my chest.
Bella was staying overnight?
"DUD ROOT, Dudley, you look like you're going to have a heart attack!" smart ass Emmett boomed. Jazz's laughter abruptly stopped and he turned his smirking attention my way, just before Emmett turned to Rose and added, "Fancy a root, baby?"
Rose loudly slapped him in the back of the head. "Don't be vulgar! I hang out with Bella too, you know. I do actually know the meaning of that word!"
Bella was staying overnight?
I suddenly began manifesting images of Bella in some black laced undergarment thing that she wore to bed, and was immediately required to leave the room.
"DON'T HAVE A DUD ROOT, DUDLEY!" Emmett called out to me.
Jazz's laughter followed me down the hall, getting under my fucking skin, but it was quite effective in deflating the tenth fucking erection I'd had that day.
A cold shower later and a last minute whack off, but Bella in lingerie refused to budge from my thoughts.
I sat through dinner with steam practically rising from my damp hair, while Emmett went into round after round of dud root expressions. It had Mom convinced it had something to do with me not playing baseball the next day. She ended up telling Emmett to stop being insensitive, which only made Jazz snort his laughter back like the obnoxious fucking prick he was.
"WHO THE DUD ROOT FLUSHED THE TOILET?" Emmett bellowed later that night as he took a shower, his voice turning deafening as it echoed from inside the bathroom.
I was guessing no one had.
In the hallway, Alice turned to me and rolled her eyes, just as I was about to enter my bedroom.
"Am I going to have to lock my door, Alice? Or do you want to come and tuck me in?"
"I think Bella will be tucking you in tonight, Edward," the little rat replied, breaking into a smug grin. I could feel my ears immediately flash purple—a confirmation of her suspicions. Her grin broadened and grew slyer. "Uh-huh ... I'm so glad my room doesn't share a common wall with yours."
Throwing her a scowl, I took a threatening step in her direction. It brought out an immediate squeal from her before she threw open her door and disappeared behind it.
"WHAT THE DUD ROOT ARE YOU FREAKY TWINS DOING?" Came Emmett's still ear piercing voice from behind the bathroom door.
Scoffing to myself, I closed my door, grabbing my Bio book out of my bag that hung on the doorknob. Pulling myself idly on top of my bed, I gazed down at it for a moment. I was tanking in Bio, compliments of Bella's presence every day. So, like I did every night, I attempted to catch up on the work I'd lost during the day, but after the open book had been sitting in my lap for half an hour, I realized I couldn't get Bella from my thoughts.
I had to get my shit together.
Pushing my hand back through my hair in a moment of contemplation, I reached over and grabbed my phone from my bedside table. There was something I'd been thinking about doing ever since the parking lot that afternoon, but had been stalling on ever since.
I clicked open my contacts, staring at Bella's name—even though I'd memorized her number the second I'd stolen it from Alice.
She did say we were on writing terms, I thought to myself with a small grin.
I let my mind wander to Bella in Bio that afternoon; to way she was deliberately fucking flirting with me.
Either Bella was fucking with me or she was finally coming around. So fuck it, it was now or never.
Take your balls out of Bella's bag and do it, Jazz would say.
Clicking into my messages, I hastily texted what I'd been devising, before my hands became too pathetically shaky.
Hey, Bella, just wondering what time I should pick you up for prom? Edward.
I clicked send, before the last of my nerve was choked out, and waited for her reply while my heart began thumping so heavily in my chest I was beginning to feel fucking breathless.
Ninety seconds later, my cell buzzed and I almost jumped straight over the side of my bed.
Ha ha Edward, very funny. How would you pick me up? On your tricycle?
I chuckled softly to myself.
Not a bad idea actually and I'll let you have the seat, I replied, wondering why the fuck I thought that was funny the second I'd sent it.
A minute later, or there about, came Bella's reply, How did u get my number BTW?
I hesitated, feeling myself tense.
Shit! I hadn't thought of that.
I thought about telling her that Alice had given it to me, but it was something she could easily verify, so I decided to go with honesty; hoping she'd be flattered by my stalker practices.
I stole it from Alice.
Righto… was Bella's reply and added was a little emoticon of a confused face.
R u mad?
No, not mad. You could have just asked me for it.
You weren't talking to me.
Yeah I wasn't... was her response followed by another one twenty seconds later. Thanks for sticking up for me today, Edward. I feel terrible.
I let out my breath shortly. Don't feel terrible. It's my fault it's happening.
No it isn't, she replied.
Yes it is, I answered.
It isn't! And again another message come through a moment later, What r u up to?
Trying to study, not much luck though. What about you?
Just veging, listening to the rain.
Yeah same here, except take out rain and add Emmett's snoring.
Lol. Do u guys share a room?
No, but the walls r so thin, we might as well.
Lol. Before another message came sixty seconds later, Want to hear my Forks joke?
Jesus, even her text messages were adorable.
Certainly, was my reply.
You know u r from Forks when u think fast food is hitting a possum at 65mph.
I broke into laughter, shaking my head to myself in awe of her.
U r definitely a local now Bella.
We texted back and forth like that for over three hours. It gave me a huge insight into Bella's personality. She was funny; her sense of humor was dry and she had me bursting into laughter a few times that brought a loud bang from Emmett's side of the wall.
"SHUT THE DUD ROOT UP, DUDLEY!
It distracted me from the fact that I was beyond exhausted, and it wasn't until Bella texted, It's been really fun chatting with you Edward, but I'm buggered, that I realized it was one am. Though, it did explain why my fingers were stiff, and I almost preferred to have another part of my body take the reins in that retrospect for a while.
Texting back with a quick grin, I wrote, I'm buggered too.
R u mocking me, Edward? Added was an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.
I chuckled. Not at all.
Goodnight Edward, talk at school tomorrow xx
Sweet dreams Bella, I replied.
I regretted it as soon as it sent.
Jesus, I was such a pussy!
Before I could get too uptight over it, Bella sent me one more: BTW I accepted your friend request.
My heart choked for a moment, before I immediately clicked the open the Facebook App on my phone. I'd sent her a friend request the first week she came to school. I was barely on Facebook. I really didn't see the point of it—unless I wanted to look at four thousand fucking lovers selfies of the little rat and Jazz, or Whorehouse Stanley's tit pics—fuck, I had to unfriend that skank. Though, Emmett's politically incorrect meme's were pretty fucking funny.
Still, I was curious enough about Bella to want to scope her out. Of course I'd fucked it up with her so many times she never accepted. But then she never deleted it, either. It was the only hope I had for a long while with her.
I had a single notice over the friend icon: Bella Swan has accepted your friend request.
I clicked on it, and it took me to her page.
Her profile picture was of her and her asshole cousin, while her cover photo was of three girls; two blondes and one red head…
She wasn't very active on her Facebook, either. She'd only joined a year ago, and she rarely updated her status. Her last one was about a month ago. Five words all in caps.
I HATE FORKS HIGH SCHOOL!
I read the comments, and quickly realized it was when everyone was giving her shit over my accident.
I felt like a prick, and immediately clicked off her wall, to her photos.
There was a ton of them, but aside from her profile and cover pictures, they were all photos she'd been tagged in.
I looked through them, one by one, like the stalker I was, but fuck… It was the first time I'd ever seen so much of her skin. She was fucking gorgeous, but she looked miserable. In every fucking photo. She smiled in a lot of them, and in most she was with her friends, but her eyes…
Jesus.
She appeared in a lot of photos with one girl in particular: Kellie Mashford.
I clicked on her page. Her profile picture was of her and Bella, and there was a ton of well wishes, prayers and get well messages that were posted as public on her wall. The same stuff that was sent to me not long ago, only on hers there was also a link to a Go Fund Me.
Releasing my breath, I went back to Bella's wall and posted:
Thanks, Bella. See you tomorrow.
Fuck it. I was on-the-verge-of-being-a-stalker in love with her, and she knew it too. She knew she had me by the balls, while any semblance of my dignity was snuffed out when I told her I was cold without her, so why not just fucking go with it? She had already hated me enough times to reject me over and over again, but she was still up all night texting with me and accepting my friendship on social media. I was beginning to win the war, and it was time I stopped this game playing shit and accepted it.
Just as I was falling asleep an idea suddenly occurred to me. I knew that if there was ever going to be a good time to wear the "I've got a big pen" shirt again, it would be the next day.
. . .
I dreamed of her again; black lingerie and long dark hair spilling over her naked shoulders. I was wound up so fucking tight that it was inevitable, and in the morning when I woke up, stiffer than the Forks High School flagpole, shirt plastered to my sweaty chest and abdomen, I shuddered to think what Emmett had heard.
I hastily showered, resisting the urge to whack off a few more times, as I convinced myself that if Emmett heard anything over the deafening sound of his snoring, it'd be miraculous.
As I made my way down to the kitchen all logic dissolved and was replaced by a fear of the inevitable. Emmett could hear an M&M crunch over the blaring volume he liked to watch the football on, and could smell a Pizza Hut twenty-five miles before we reached one. The guy's senses were freakish!
As it was, it was Alice who I had to fear. The moment I entered the kitchen, she shoved me then whacked me in irritation with the cereal box. The little rat was a lot more formidable than her five foot two height suggested.
"What do you think you're doing stealing Bella's number from my phone?" she exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring up at me.
My heart skipped a beat in sudden panic.
Bella had told Alice! Was she pissed?
My thoughts had just begun wandering back to our three-hour texting session, when Emmett walked in the room.
"So that's what you were doing last night, Edna? Phone rooting!" He smirked deviously.
Thankfully, Alice was distracted by the sound of Jazz laughing on the other side of the rear door; signaling his arrival.
Emmett threw himself lazily down in a chair at the breakfast table. I contemplated forgoing cereal, and looked in the refrigerator for no other reason than to hide from him. His sly grin was hinting at more than what he was giving away. I seriously fucking suspected that he'd heard a lot more last night than just my laughter at Bella's texts.
As he watched me his eyebrows suddenly pulled together. "What the hell is that t-shirt you're wearing, bludge?"
It was enough to separate Jazz and Alice's good morning, I love you Alley cat-Jazzy Jazz—something I'd forbade them from doing while I was in the car. Only because idiot Jazz immediately asphyxiated himself on another round of laughter.
Alice whirled around and focused her attention on my t-shirt, her eyes narrowing threateningly.
"Don't even think about it, Edward!" she warned me with cower inducing authority.
"What?" Emmett spoke up with a mouth full of cereal. "Dudley's allowed to root with Bella again if he wants to."
I almost choked on the orange juice I'd just poured, as Alice's frustration began reaching a climax.
"Emmett, Jesus!" she cried with increasing impatience.
"Is Bella going to watch the game with you today, honey? How nice," Mom commented to me as she walked into the room.
"Yeah, he's hoping to get a few good roots in with her," Emmett added, his smirk turning cocky.
I spluttered back the orange juice while I actually thought pissant Jazz might fucking suffocate and die.
"Alice, get Jazz a glass of water!" Mom exclaimed with alarm.
We left soon after, and before Jazz's lack of control when it came to Emmett forced Mom into contemplating the real meaning behind dud root! It'd just be typical that she'd work it out, and I'd be the one she'd drag to Carlisle's office for a fucking sex talk, when ironically, I was the only one in the family not having sex.
A/N: Emmett is such a dag, right?