He was baking with his mother. He knew that it was a dream, but he was still happy here. Happier than he remembered being in a long time. He heard her voice again, as she explained how to mix icing for the cupcakes. He leant against the counter, just watching her. There were a million things that he wanted to say to her and ask her, but, somehow, he knew that he wasn't going to get an answer out of her, and so he just stared. She was happy and bright and –

Connor woke up with a scream, hiding his face in his pillow. His heart was beating out of his chest as the painful feeling overrode him again and he started to sob.

"Shh, Connor, shh."

His boyfriend was on top of him and it hurt. It really hurt. And Connor knew he should be used to it. He knew that his boyfriend always liked him to be ready but it killed him every time that he was woken up like this. He hated it. Because he wasn't ready. And it always hurt. And the surprise killed him more than anything else. Connor knew that 'no' wasn't an option for him – that had been made clear very early on – but he hated that he didn't get to say 'yes' at all.

(-.-)

His hands were shaking and it made fear slip into his stomach. He knew he couldn't spill a drop of his boyfriend's dinner as he dished it up. He listened carefully as his boyfriend mixed himself a drink. He had worked late today and usually that made him very cranky. Connor didn't like it when he was cranky. He put the plate of roast beef, potatoes, and carrots down in his boyfriend's usual seat at the table and then dished up his own dinner. His boyfriend hated to eat alone and Connor always waited until he came home from work so that they could eat together.

To Connor's surprise, he had been brought his own drink. It was nearly half the amount of his boyfriend's, but Connor didn't mind. He didn't really like the taste of alcohol, though he still said 'thank you' when it was put in front of him. His boyfriend kissed his temple and Connor smiled. He was in a sweet mood today. He loved it when he was in a sweet mood.

"Give me a real kiss."

Connor turned his head, but his boyfriend held him on the waist and brought him to a standing position. His boyfriend was so tall and Connor had to rise up onto his tiptoes just to reach his lips. Connor wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, even as he was grabbed roughly and held to the outline of his body.

"I love kissing you."

"I love you," Connor answered and he was kissed again.

"I brought you home something."

"Thank you."

"I'll show you after we eat. Don't drink your rum too quickly."

"I won't, I promise."

They ate quietly, as they normally did. His boyfriend didn't like conversation when they were eating and Connor could respect that. He sipped consistently at his drink, though he was careful not to drink it too quickly. He still had a taste of it left when he cleared the plates from the table and set them in the sink.

"Don't do those just yet! Come back here!"

Obediently, Connor returned to the table. There, sitting at his spot, was a small chocolate cake with two candles set in the middle.

"Seventeen tomorrow. I thought we should start celebrating early!"

"Thank you," Connor said, feeling completely overwhelmed. He was so sweet and thoughtful.

"Come blow the candles out before they melt on the cake."

Connor practically skipped over to the table and leant low.

"Make a wish!" his boyfriend advised.

"I don't need anything else," Connor said, and he blew out the candles with a smile on his face.

(-.-)

Connor had to put the brakes on his flying mind as he started thinking about last December. He swore that his entire torso began to ache in response and he couldn't allow himself to think about it. He knew that if he did, he really wouldn't be able to handle being next to Jude. But judging by the lightening at the end of the bed where the crack in the curtains was, Connor wouldn't have to deal with it for much longer. He hoped that Jude wouldn't sleep too late. He kept feeling like he was going to drift off, but, as soon as his lashes touched, his eyes popped up again. He couldn't rest. He couldn't let himself. He had been on guard for every movement all night and that wasn't about to change, even though he was so exhausted that all he wanted to do was give in completely and sleep.

Connor laid there for another hour, it felt like, and then Jude began to stretch purposefully. Jude's hand reached out and encountered the pillow and he frowned. His eyes fluttered open and, for the first time, Connor noticed what long eyelashes Jude had. Jude rested his hand on the pillow and he squinted at Connor.

"You look exhausted."

"I am."

"Did you sleep at all?"

Connor shook his head.

"Okay. Let just grab my keys and I'll get you home, okay?"

"I … Y-you can w-wake up," Connor said. "I … I'll b-b-be okay since y-you're not sleeping."

"You should have woken me up," Jude said. "I feel so bad."

"I couldn't have," Connor said. "It's … I'm okay."

"You don't look okay." He tapped his fingers on the pillow. "What's this about?"

"I didn't want you to touch me," Connor admitted. "It … scared me. I ... I was thinking about him a lot."

"Oh, Connor, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean for you to end up here."

"I'll be okay."

Jude honestly looked so sad about it and, if Connor had been holding a grudge at all, Jude would have been forgiven. Connor turned into the pillows and he laid his hand over Jude's. Jude took a loose hold on his hand.

"Are you okay?" Connor asked.

Jude moved the curtain out of the way to peek into the main room and he let it fall back into place. "She's awake and I need to talk to her."

"Oh. Okay."

"Why don't you stay right here?" Jude said. "You can try and relax a little more, maybe take a nap."

"If it's just me … Will you shut the curtains all the way?" Connor asked.

"Of course, baby. Try and sleep."

Connor didn't move as Jude lightly squeezed his hand and then slipped out of bed. Jude adjusted the curtains and Connor was in total darkness. He slowly began to spread out, moving the limbs that had gone numb in his long hours of laying on them. He felt comfortable in Jude's bed, but he wasn't comfortable enough to fall asleep, especially as Jude and Taylor began to talk.

(-.-)

Jude shut the curtains around his bed and turned to face Taylor, who was busy pulling on a pair of jeans.

"I checked bus schedules. I'm catching the one in half an hour outside your work."

"Taylor, you don't have to leave right now. We can talk." He stood at the end of the couch and crossed his arms.

"I feel really pissed off. I don't want to talk to you right now." She didn't turn around to face him, even as she began shoving clothes in her bag. "Anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone."

"I'm pissed off too! You've been lying to me over a month! About something big! I would have been there for you! Why did you lie to me?" Jude took a step toward her, but she quickly flitted away.

Taylor sighed and turned to face him, her shoulders slumped in. "I wasn't even going to tell Daria but she … found out. And then I wanted to know what you thought. But I thought you might have a different perspective if it wasn't me. And then I thought that you would get all noble and tell me I should tell him before making any decisions or think things through more or … I just thought you'd care more if it were me. I don't care. I don't want you to care." Taylor sighed again. "I don't want a baby. I'm not ready. An abortion is the best thing for me. I know that."

"If that's what you choose, I support you. You always have my support. But I don't have your trust." Jude's voice broke and he wasn't even ashamed of it. It was killing him that Taylor felt like she had to hide from him. He had never thought about her keeping such big secrets from him, not through any part of their friendship.

Taylor fluffed a hand through her blonde hair. "Don't turn it into that, Jude."

"That's exactly what it is!"

"I'm going home now. I'll … talk to you later."

Jude caught her wrist as she walked to the door and she turned to face him, though she didn't look pleased about it.

"I'm here if you need me. No matter how angry I am."

"I know. But I need to go."

"Text me when you get home safe, okay?"

Taylor agreed, then she hugged him goodbye and swept out the door. Jude just felt emotionally drained and he collapsed down on the couch, kicking the blanket Taylor had slept under off the end of it. He hated fighting with Taylor and he hated that she didn't tell him something, especially when it was such a big deal. She'd been pregnant when he'd gone to see her in September. She'd been lying to him for such a long time.

Jude was startled when Connor sat down on the other end of the couch.

"Oh. Do you want me to take you home now?"

"Not if you need me."

Jude couldn't do that to him. "You're so tired …"

But Connor suddenly became decisive, as much as Connor could be. "I … I … I'm going to make us breakfast and coffee. We can watch a movie and not do much of anything."

"Thank you."

Connor stood up and held his hands out to Jude. "Cooking helps."

"I'll make the coffee," Jude said, putting his hands into Connor's.

"Okay. Your coffee maker is kind of intimidating." Connor smiled, and it made Jude feel better.

Connor kissed him on the cheek and it lifted Jude even further. Connor led him into the kitchen. Jude began to prepare his coffee maker and he had to ask, "Are you okay? I mean, how was last night?"

"I told you," Connor said quietly, "I did too much thinking. About my seventeenth birthday, actually."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know if you want to hear it."

"I want to hear it if you want to tell me," Jude said seriously, watching as Connor pulled a carton of eggs out of the fridge.

Connor closed the fridge doors and met his eyes. He looked away again and Jude really didn't think that Connor was going to answer him. But, when Connor was in the groove of cutting up some vegetables to add to the eggs, he began to speak. "The night before I turned seventeen, he was very sweet. He bought me a chocolate cake and he let me drink with him. He …"

"He what?"

Jude turned around to look at Connor again, but Connor barely acknowledged his presence.

"He was gentle when we had sex that night. He … made sure I liked it and that we did it how I liked," Connor whispered. "He … was specific in how he liked it and it wasn't often he … broke … from … what he liked. The times he acted like that were a big part of why I didn't even try to convince myself to leave. I really believed that someday he would wake up and realize that he wanted to love me like that every day. It … didn't happen."

Jude didn't know what to say. He felt bad for not having the words. "Do you take cream or milk in your coffee?"

Connor laughed, but it was quiet and shaky, as if he were trying to bring himself back to the present. "I … I like some sugar and a tiny bit of milk."

"Oh, good! I don't actually have coffee creamer."

Connor laughed again, but it was a bit more confident. When Jude had pressed a brightly patterned green and orange mug into his hands, Connor added, "Birthdays were a big deal to him. He always went all out for them. So, since that was the night before, I was so excited on my real birthday. He … When I turned sixteen, he made a reservation at this really fancy place and we went out and he was amazing. When I think romance, I still think that night, which messes me up but … I'm still struggling to change it. So, on my seventeenth birthday, I thought that it was going to happen again. I was excited. But something happened at work that day to him and I don't remember what but it put him in such a bad mood …"

Connor stopped and shook his head.

"Oh, baby." Jude wanted to hug him, but he was worried about how Connor would react to it.

Connor took a long drink of his coffee and then he practically whispered into the liquid, "It hurt. Everything. There were only a few other times that it was worse. He …" Connor stopped and he hesitantly reached out and took Jude's hand. "I'm sorry that you and Taylor fought."

Jude squeezed Connor's hand. "I think as friends we'll be okay. I'm just very worried about her as a person. I hope that, when Daria gets home, they're able to work it out and help each other."

"She's lucky to have you as a friend."

"Mmm." Connor turned back to breakfast and Jude jumped up on the counter to drink his coffee. "Do you want me to do anything? I feel bad if you do all the work."

"Oh." Connor seemed surprised at that, which shouldn't have shocked Jude as much as it did. Connor had basically already told him that he did most of the cooking when he was with his ex. "You can babysit the bacon." Connor put a pan on the stove and put the meat beside Jude. "I mean, if you want."

"I want, baby. I don't want you to do everything. And you're already so tired."

"And I want to be here with you … so long as you don't want to be alone. You're not making me stay. This is what I'm choosing. I know you'll take me home when I ask."

"Then I want you here."

Connor smiled at him. "Where's your whisk?"

Jude pointed him to a drawer and they cooked quietly together. It was relaxing, though Jude couldn't fully keep himself away from his phone. He knew that it would take several hours for Taylor to get back to the apartment she shared with Daria, but he was hoping that she would text him or call him before then. She said nothing, even as he and Connor ate breakfast, which Jude was sure to compliment Connor on. He was an excellent cook and Jude wanted to make sure that Connor knew it. Jude put the dishes away and held out his hands to Connor.

"Do you still want to watch a movie?"

Connor nodded.

"Can we cuddle?"

"Yeah," Connor said.

Jude sat on the couch and tried to pull Connor into him, but Connor resisted. Instead, Jude ended up with his back pressed to Connor's front, the both of them lying the same way on the couch.

"You could have just said you wanted me to be the little spoon."

Connor kissed the back of his neck. "I like you to be the little spoon."

He sounded exhausted, even as he slid one arm under Jude's head and put the other around his waist.

"Are you going to be okay like this? After the night you had?"

"Yeah," Connor said. "As long as you stay right there."

"I don't want to move," Jude assured him. "You should try to sleep."

"I won't be able to," Connor said. "Will you pick a happy movie?"

"Sure."

Jude picked up the remote and Connor cuddled him. He moved so that he had one hand pressed against Jude's heart, and Jude thought that it was one of the sweetest gestures he could have made. He picked a romantic comedy about two single mothers who discovered they had children from the same sperm donor who eventually fell for one another. He thought it would be cute, it was guaranteed to be a happy ending, and Jude knew one of the child actors from a TV show and thought that she was talented. He settled against Connor, trying to lose himself in the movie. Behind him, Connor would nod off for five or ten minute periods, only to jerk awake for the same amount of time, and the cycle would repeat.

"Thank you for staying," Jude whispered when Connor was awake. "I can't explain how much it means to me."

"It's what friends do, right?" Connor murmured in his ear. "Oh … boyfriends."

Jude waited to hear a sigh or a hitch of Connor's breathing as he said the word 'boyfriend' but there was nothing. He turned around in Connor's arms, hiding against his boyfriend's chest. He had meant it. He really had meant it last night. They were boyfriends. Jude had a boyfriend again and he couldn't be happier with who it was. He couldn't be happier that Connor had asked him and that Connor was okay with calling them boyfriends.

"Jude?"

"It makes me happy you call us that."

"Taylor said you were a hopeless romantic."

"She … might not be wrong," Jude admitted, nuzzling the shirt he'd leant Connor.

"Hmm," Connor murmured.

Jude couldn't bring himself to turn around and watch the rest of the movie; he felt too comfortable in Connor's arms. Even when his boyfriend nodded off. Jude was happy to just hold him and bend his head to listen to the slow thumping of Connor's heart. Jude had slept well, but he felt like he could have fallen asleep again – that was how comfortable he felt. Connor jerked awake again, and Jude felt Connor's fingers flutter against his spine.

"Are you sleeping?" Connor whispered.

"No, I'm just comfy," Jude answered. "Why?"

"People aren't in control of themselves while they're sleeping," Connor said. "And they're scary enough when they're awake."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"I don't think you need to be," Connor said. "You don't know what you're doing. You're hardly cruel when you're awake."

"I just want you to be safe, baby."

"I feel that with you. You don't need to worry."

"You make me happy," Jude whispered.

"You make me happy too. You … You just really make me feel good things," Connor said. "I'm sorry I've been talking so much today. Do you want to talk about Taylor?"

"No. I need to keep that in for now. At least until I understand it."

"Okay. I just … just want to be here for you. The way that you are for me."

"I know you are." Jude rested his hand against Connor's chest and Connor let out a small whine. "Too far up?" Jude asked, already sliding his hand closer to Connor's ribs.

"Thank you."

Connor started to close his eyes again. Jude shifted his hand to Connor's waist, but the edge of his shirt had ridden up, and Jude found himself touching the soft skin of Connor's side. Connor's eyes bolted open at the touch.

"Baby, it's okay," Jude said quickly, smoothing Connor's shirt down. "I didn't realize."

Connor took a deep breath, but it didn't steady the hyperventilation that had begun and Connor was rigid and tense. Jude began to sit up, thinking that he would need to give Connor space, but Connor grabbed onto the side of his shirt.

"No … I … n-n-need … Don't go. Don't leave."

He was tired and hurting to the point where he was nearly incoherent as he clung to Jude. Jude knew he couldn't deny Connor, and Jude put himself back between Connor's arms where he'd been before. Connor clung tightly to him, and Jude made sure to hold him in a way that wouldn't bother him and in a way that Jude was only touching his shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Jude," Connor whispered. "I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't do this to you."

"I want you to get better for you, not for me. I like you, even as you are now. It's now about who I think you'll be able to be when you heal."

"How … how do y-you always know what to say?"

"I'm a psych major," Jude said lightly. "And I want you to feel happy. And I mean every word."

Connor was silent in his arms for a few minutes. "Why don't we do something Friday night?"

"I can't, I'm sorry."

"You work?"

"I'm going home. Not overnight. I work early on Saturday morning, so I'm just going for dinner and a couple of hours with Moms."

"Oh."

"You could always come," Jude offered. "Meet Moms, spend a couple hours with me …"

"You don't have to do that," Connor said. "I can't … can't interrupt your time with your family."

Jude noticed a tremor in Connor's arms and so he sat up just long enough to pull the plaid blanket over the two of them. Almost immediately, Connor relaxed a little under the covering.

"You talked about me meeting your dad. Moms aren't that scary. I know they would love you. I want them to know you." Jude kissed the tip of Connor's nose; it was the closest thing to him. "I want you to come and meet them, especially if you want that."

"W-w-would your siblings b-b-be there?"

"No, I doubt it. Why? Scared of them?"

Connor didn't look at him as he said, "Siblings are trickier than parents, that's all."

Oh. Jude put his head on Connor's bicep and Connor moved his hand to Jude's hair softly playing with the strands. Jude ran his thumb over the area under Connor's ribs and he felt a ridge.

"Don't ask," Connor warned softly.

"Okay, I won't." Jude moved his hand a little further up. "Does it bother you when I ask questions?"

"Sometimes. Mostly because it bothers me when I have to say I don't want to tell you. I wait for you to demand an answer."

"You can tell me no."

"I … I mostly know," Connor murmured. "Was … W-was there … something you wanted to ask?"

"Why are siblings trickier than parents?"

"His little brother and I were the same age on the same baseball team. That's how we met. When we started dating, I … w-wasn't allowed near his brother."

"Mmm … You can meet Jesus and Brandon, but I don't know if you'll want to meet them more than once," Jude joked. "You and Mariana will get along, I know. Callie can be … weird, sometimes, when you first meet her, but it's impossible not to like her, either."

"What about your moms?"

"Moms are sweet. Moms will love you and you'll love them. I know that."

"But will you ask?" Connor asked. "If … If … If it's j-j-just your moms then I … I think I might … be okay to g-go. M-m-might want to go."

"Okay. I'll ask. We can talk about it later."

Connor nodded and he closed his eyes. He had dark circles on his skin and Jude's heart tugged.

"Do you want to go home now?"

"No. Let's just watch another one, okay?"

"Okay," Jude agreed. "You sure you don't want to be the little spoon?"

"I … d-d-don't w-w-want you b-b-beh-h-hind me."

"Oh."

Connor let out the tiniest of whimpers and Jude didn't know what to do.

"What kind of movie do you want to watch?"

Connor smiled limply. "Let's watch something funny."

"Okay. Something funny," Jude agreed.

He turned back around and, immediately, Connor drew him so close that their bodies made the same shape.

"Am I holding you too tightly?"

"No. I like this," Jude assured him. "Just like this."

He put his head further back on Connor's bicep and he picked the first comedian he saw that seemed to cover mostly fun and light-hearted topics. He put the remote down and Connor picked up his hand, pressing the back of his to Jude's chest. Jude felt the moment that Connor relaxed and it didn't take long before Connor fell asleep completely – far too exhausted to fight it anymore. Their hands slumped down against the couch cushions and Connor felt heavier in how he was leaning against Jude. Jude was careful not to move and startle Connor. Connor was asleep for nearly an hour, but then he bolted upright with no warning.

"Hey, hey," Jude said. "It's just Jude. You fell asleep."

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal. You're tired."

But he knew from just looking at Connor that it didn't sit right with him and that it was a big deal.

"I wouldn't hurt you while you were sleeping."

Connor ran his hands over his arms and legs. "I'm still wearing your clothes."

"You look good in them. You look good all the time. I like the bedhead look on you."

Connor's face went red along his cheekbones, as if he were embarrassed by Jude's praise, but he looked a little happier. "I should put my clothes on."

"Does that mean you want to go?"

"No." Connor glanced at the phone on Jude's table. "Have you heard from Taylor?"

"Not yet."

"I can stay a little longer."

"Thank you. Do you want some more coffee?"

"Please."

Connor picked up the plastic bag that contained the clothes he'd been wearing last night and he went into the bathroom. Jude pushed himself off the couch and went into the kitchen, pouring fresh coffee into a new filter, and poking his coffee maker awake. He slumped against the counter and he stared toward the couch, where Taylor had slept last night. He couldn't believe that she'd lied to him. But was that really what he should be focusing on? Taylor had needed him and he hadn't been there … But she hadn't let him be there. How angry could she be with him? Okay, so, perhaps he and Daria hadn't reacted right last night, but … Jude replayed the whole thing in his head and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel.

He texted Taylor, just saying 'hey', but she didn't answer him. Jude wasn't sure he expected her to. When he and Taylor fought, they usually needed a few days of space before they were able to talk about it. The coffee maker finished and so Jude prepared Connor's coffee. A small feeling of domestic happiness bubbled through Jude. He knew how his boyfriend took his coffee. He had just finished stirring it when Connor padded back into the kitchen.

"Coffee, as requested."

"Thank you."

Jude handed Connor the mug, but something caught his eye. "Hey, you have something on you. Under your collar, kind of below your collarbone."

Connor frowned and reached up one hand, batting at the area.

Jude shook his head. "No. It's still – Oh. No. Never mind," he whispered.

Connor's fingers brushed the spot again, but this time, Jude could see it for what it was: scar tissue. Connor usually wore t-shirts under his button-ups, but this time, he was in a white tank top, and the difference let Jude see the scar. Connor ran his fingers over it again.

"It's … It's f-f-from a … a …"

"You don't need to explain," Jude said. "Not if you don't want to."

Connor froze. "You don't want to know?"

"Of course." Jude shrugged. "But I don't want you to hate telling me. I can wait until you feel comfortable telling me … if you ever do."

Connor touched the scar again. "I have a lot of them. They don't all look like this one. Some do."

"It's okay," Jude murmured.

"No," Connor whispered. "It's not."

He placed his mug on the counter and buttoned up his shirt. He left the top two unbuttoned so that it wasn't tight around his neck, but so that the scar was hidden. He picked up his coffee mug, and Jude was quick to notice that Connor was avoiding looking at him.

"Is that why you wear long sleeves?" Jude asked, and Connor just nodded. "Did you … ever hurt yourself?"

To Jude's relief, Connor shook his head.

"He would have killed me if he saw self-harm scars. And then, when he was gone, it never crossed my mind to do it. I had so many other hurts." Connor traced one of the cold burners on the stove.

"What are you doing?"

"Losing my mind, I think," Connor replied, breathlessly. "Let's go back to the couch."

Connor sat on his end and sipped at his coffee, while Jude laid himself down in Connor's lap, his head on Connor's thigh.

"I'm happy you're able to do this," Jude said.

"You mean like … when I couldn't touch you?"

"Yeah. I just like being like this, baby."

"Me too."

Connor leant forward, nearly squishing Jude, and put his mug on the coffee table. He was just wondering if it would be okay to lay down behind Jude again, when his phone began to ring.

"Need me to move?" Jude asked.

Connor stared down at his father's contact photo. He grabbed Jude's hand tightly and Jude grew heavy against Connor's legs as he relaxed again.

"Hi, Dad," he said.

"Connor? Are you safe? Are you okay? I expected you to be home by now!"

"I'm still at Jude's. Everything is okay. I'm fine."

"How did last night go?" Adam demanded.

Connor tucked the phone in between his head and his shoulder so that he could hold onto Jude with one hand and play with Jude's hair with the other. "It was hard. I did a lot of thinking and not a lot of sleeping. It's not something I think I'll try again any time soon."

At his words, Jude kissed his leg.

"Are you going to be home soon?"

"I don't know. Last night was stressful, but right now it's not. I told you about …" Connor hesitated, looking down at Jude. As if Jude could feel his gaze, he turned his head and looked up.

"About what?" Adam asked.

"About what being with Jude is like," Connor whispered.

"Oh. He's there, right? That's why you don't want to talk."

"It's not like that. I'm not scared of him hearing anything."

"I remember when you met the first one," Adam reflected gruffly. "If you were on the phone, you'd stop talking to him the minute I'd walk into the room."

"I'm not scared," Connor insisted. "If you wanted to talk to Jude, I'd let you."

Jude's eyebrows raised.

"No," Adam grumbled. "I'm not going to talk to him. If you want me to meet him when I come to get you for Christmas, I will."

"Okay. This is different, Dad."

"I know."

Jude was smiling at him and Connor squeezed his hand.

"I'm okay, Dad. I'll let you know when I'm home."

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about," Adam said quickly.

"Oh. What?"

"I want you to go and pick out a bike and put it on the credit card I gave you."

"Oh."

"A lot of kids on your campus have bikes, right? And it'll be better than needing to walk everywhere. So if you ever get stuck somewhere again, you'll have the bike."

"Oh," Connor repeated. "Thank you."

"Sooner rather than later, okay, Connor?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Text me the moment you're home."

"I will, I promise."

"Have a good day, Connor. Take care of yourself. I love you."

"You too," Connor answered. He hung up the phone and Jude was staring up at him. "Dad's buying me a bike."

"That's nice of him."

"I think I'll like it. I'll have a little more freedom to move around. I like that."

"I guess you won't have to kiss me to get to my car anymore," Jude said.

"I will to get to your kitchen, so don't worry," Connor joked, and Jude grinned.

"Does that mean you're going to kiss me?" he asked.

Connor could do that. Connor wanted to do that. He bent forward until he could just taste Jude's lips. It was an intoxicating taste and Connor could have kissed him forever. But he knew he couldn't. He knew that if he tried to kiss him longer, it would be too much. Someday, Connor hoped it wouldn't be. Someday, he wanted to kiss Jude like he never had to stop. He wanted to be in Jude's hold and he wanted to have his arms around Jude and just let himself fall for the most beautiful boy that he'd ever met. He wondered what it would be like, to be able to cradle Jude so close that he could not tell where Jude's body began and his own ended and he wondered how soft Jude's skin really was – and that's when he pulled himself away with a gasp.

"Are you okay?" Jude asked instantly.

Connor took a deep breath and pressed his forehead against Jude's. "I let my thoughts get away from me."

"Penny for them?"

"I was thinking about … going further than just one or two simple kisses," Connor admitted. "And I know I'm not comfortable with that. But someday I want to kiss you more, for longer."

"Well … I'd like that," Jude said. "When we're ready."

Connor gave a shallow nod. "Can I lay next to you?"

"Always."

Connor moved so that Jude was his little spoon again.

"Do you want to go bike shopping with me?"

"I'd love to, baby. How about Tuesday? I can pick you up from classes."

"Okay. That sounds good to me."

Jude snuggled even closer to Connor, and Connor was happy to tighten his grip around Jude's waist. He took Jude's hand in his on again and pressed the back of it to Jude's chest so that he could feel his heartbeat.

"Are you sure you're not ready to go home?"

"If you want me to go, just say so," Connor whispered.

"No, no, I don't! I just don't want you to feel like you have to say."

"I don't think I can much longer," Connor whispered. "Maybe one more movie."

"Okay, baby," Jude said. "Hey, do you think we're boring already?"

"Hmm?"

"We just cuddle and watch movies, like we've known each other forever. Do you think that's boring?"

"If this is boring, I like boring," Connor answered. "I like that we do this. Do you not like it?"

"I like you holding me," Jude said.

"I can do that," Connor replied. "I can really do that."

Connor kissed the back of Jude's neck and Jude picked out a Disney movie for them to watch. They were lazy on the couch together as the movie played. Every so often, Connor would kiss the back of Jude's neck or Jude would try and wiggle himself a bit closer, even though he was in no danger of falling off the edge of the couch. Connor was happy to have his arms full of Jude, but, every so often, he had to remind himself that Jude didn't mean anything sexually, and that wasn't what Jude was trying to do. Jude just liked to be close and Connor could have him there. But when the movie was done, Connor had to admit to exhaustion, and Jude drove him home.

"You'll call, right? Or text? If you need anything at all."

"I will. I know you'll be there," Jude promised.

"I hope Taylor's all right," Connor added.

"Me too," Jude said. "I'll see you in class tomorrow, right?"

"Right."

Connor leant across the console and they kissed briefly. Jude thought that it might have been shorter than their first kiss. He knew that Connor was exhausted and emotionally drained from today and from last night, but he was so glad that Connor had spent most of today with him. He could have made it through on his own, but he was so glad that he didn't have to. Connor had a little smile on his lips as he slipped from the car, and that meant a lot to Jude. Because his boyfriend was happy and that made Jude a little lighter.

He turned and drove away from the nano dorms. His apartment seemed too quiet when he got back to it and Jude didn't like it. He stared at his couch. Though he and Connor had just spent hours on it, Taylor had been fast asleep on it too and it bothered him to think of her. He and Daria had probably really hurt her last night and, though he hadn't meant to, that was no excuse. He finally settled on putting himself back in bed. He felt too tired. And, in bed, he was able to pull the pillow Connor had been asleep on close to him. At least three of his pillows smelt of his boyfriend and Jude just curled up there, drifting in between sleep and daydreams. His phone only vibrated once.

Taylor: I'm home. Don't answer. I just need to lock myself in my room and be by myself. I'll text you first next time. Bye.

Jude's stomach had sunk at that. He wanted to reply and tell her that it was okay and that he was here for her and that he was sorry. He knew it would only make it worse. Taylor was even more stubborn than he was and he had to wait until she needed him, not until he wanted her to. He almost texted Connor too, but he knew that his boyfriend needed his rest and his space. He forced himself to put his phone back on his nightstand and he rose from bed. Cooking seemed to help Connor, and Jude decided to take a stab at it. He found that he had all the ingredients for sugar cookies, and he suffered through making them. He decided, while they were in the oven, that he should have spent his time with a textbook or, even better, watching some more T.V. When they came out of the oven, he was just as convinced of it, though he decided that it wasn't a total waste of time. They were decent, especially after he put some icing on them. He decided that he would take some to Connor tomorrow, and he hoped that Connor liked them. He knew if Connor had been in charge, they would have tasted a lot better, but Jude was proud of himself, and he hoped that Connor would be proud of him too.

He spent the rest of his evening with his health psych textbook. He knew that he had to concentrate on it, since it was his hardest course of the semester. The professor was even more severe than Kroger, since Dr. Vanier had no chance of having first years in his course and he could afford to have astronomically high expectations of his students. All in all, Jude was happy when it hit midnight and he was able to go to sleep. Halloween had its ups – like becoming Connor's boyfriend – and its downs – like hurting Taylor – and Jude was just glad that it was the beginning of a new week.

The chapter's title is after the song Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine (Reader recommended). If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~