Wildstar93: Hey, everyone and welcome back to the Warrior Cats Parody! Sorry if I've been away for a long while, but I've been pretty busy. I've been in therapy, my sister's getting surgery again, and I've just been trying to decide what book ideas work and what don't. Like I said before, I won't upload this everyday, but I'll try and write them down and upload them afterward any day I can.
I've got something to confess: I'm hereby no longer a Harry Potter fan, and I'm not a Legend Of Korra fan anymore either. I won't say why since I don't want anyone jumping down my throats, so let's leave it at that.
As usual, I hope you like this chapter, and let me know if I've made any mistakes so I can fix it. Constructive criticism is always welcome as long as you're polite about it.
Uploading Date: July 17, 2017
Enjoy!
...
Rogue Or Loner? This Gives Me A Headache
Yellowfang tried getting up to run away, but her leg gave way. She did the Peter Griffin leg gag again, this time a little longer than necessary. Before Firepaw could tell her to get out of dodge, the ThunderClan patrol had come along, consisting of Bluestar, Tigerclaw, Darkstripe, and Graypaw.
"Hey, Firepaw," Graypaw mouthed.
"Shut up, you!" Tigerclaw growled at him.
Graypaw glared at him. "I didn't say anything. I mouthed it."
Tigerclaw glared back. "That still counts as talking, so shut up."
Now Bluestar was giving Firepaw a stern look. "What the heck, Firepaw?" she scolded. "I thought you were out getting fresh-kill for the Clan? And I smell that you gave this loner chicken and red beans and rice. So what've you got to say in your defense?"
Firepaw felt ashamed, and Yellowfang snapped, "I'm a rogue! Don't you cats know the difference between loners and rogues these days?"
"Oh, I kinda forgot about you for a moment," said Bluestar, turning to the old cat. "So what's ShadowClan's medicine cat doing out here?"
"I was ShadowClan's medicine cat," growled Yellowfang. "But ever since Brokenstar declared every day be 'No Elders Talking Of The Good Old Days' Day, I decided to hunt alone."
Huh...no wonder I felt eager to beat her tail, Firepaw thought, briefly curious.
"Let's just waste the old fool," growled Darkstripe. "And we need to make this kittypet pay for his insubordination, like how Stewie Griffin got himself pregnant with dog DNA."
"Shut up, Darkstripe. You're not in charge here, that made no sense, and you're not funny. At all," Bluestar retorted, making Darkstripe pout. "Besides, she's got a lot of juicy ShadowClan secrets she can share."
"Hey! I'm still here, you know!" Yellowfang spat. "Ain't no way I'm giving anything out to you ThunderClanners!"
And she calls me out for calling it a word, Firepaw thought with a half-smirk.
Bluestar sighed. "We don't got all day talking about if 'ThunderClanners' is a word or not," she said. "Let's get back to camp."
So they decided to help Yellowfang up, Darkstripe wanting to rough her up. He was rewarded with a slap on the face for his troubles, and the cats headed back to camp together.
"What's a loner?" asked Firepaw.
"Like Yellowfang said, there's a lot of confusion about what the differences between loners and rogues are. The books keep messing up the rogues' definition," said Graypaw. "A loner doesn't live with Clans or Twolegs, and neither do rogues. But loners are nice and will sometimes give you mouse-flavored cookies, while rogues will keep trolling you online until you give them something."
Firepaw looked down at the ground. "I might end up as a rogue soon," he mumbled, fearful of the day where he might troll someone online. "Why'd I have to go and eat that rabbit?"
Graypaw chuckled and gave Firepaw a soda. "Yeah, that was stupid," he said bluntly. "But hey, no one's perfect. Besides, Bluestar's a fair leader; she won't exile you. She'll probably make you recite all eight-hundred names of Pokémon all night." Then he sniffed again and said, "Hey, that wasn't a rabbit! That was chicken and red beans and rice! Why didn't you invite me over?!"
This made Firepaw roll his eyes.
...
When they got back to camp, news spread faster than a Facebook messaging reply. Cats had heard of Yellowfang, and they taunted her as she came into the camp, some even mocking pre-chewing her food for her. One cat paid the price with such a death glare that it made him beg his mother to please give him a cookie. Yellowfang even told Spottedleaf (who had come to try (key word being "try") to tend to her wounds) to shut up with the ambulance noise she made since it made her sound stupid.
All the cats got to eat...that is, except Firepaw. Since he ate while on patrol, he had to basically starve. While his belly kept barking at him to eat, he saw Tigerclaw and Bluestar sipping sodas not too far away.
"I told you bringing that kittypet into the Clan was a bad idea," Tigerclaw was growling, slamming his soda down on the little table. "But did you listen? Noooo...and now look what happened!"
"First, watch the table. That last one had its glass shattered three years ago. And second, you said nothing about bringing him into the Clan being a bad idea until just now," retorted Bluestar. "And I told you and Darkstripe that she's got plenty of juicy ShadowClan secrets. You sure you haven't tried on One-eye's hearing aids?"
Tigerclaw growled, "I don't have a hearing problem." But he said nothing else.
Firepaw saw Bluestar walk toward him, and he braced himself for a punishment. But then she walked past him and yelled "YO! Frostfur!" A white cat with blue eyes came out of the nursery, looking tired as mewls sounded out from within.
"Hush, kits. I'll be back," she said to the kits in the nursery. Then she snapped at Bluestar, "Seriously, Bluestar! I had those kits finally falling asleep before you came knocking!"
"Hey to you too, Frostfur. Graypaw said that he saw three foxes gambling near the stream," Bluestar told the white cat. "Wanna tell the others to not go near the foxes and teach the kits not to gamble?"
"Sure," said Frostfur, heading back into the nursery. "And hopefully these kits will fall back asleep!"
Without anyone looking, Firepaw tried sneaking a slice of pizza out of the fresh-kill pile. But Tigerclaw stopped him, took the pizza away (while eating it in front of him, to his dismay), and gave him a mouse to take to the elders. So Firepaw did so and left before the elders could ask which of their knitted sweaters looked better.
Soon, Bluestar called a meeting. Everyone came to her big stupid rock and sat before it, but far away from Yellowfang, who was sitting below it. Even the elders came out, sitting on their porch chairs and watching from a distance.
"Cats of ThunderClan," Bluestar began, "Firepaw found this loner..."
"I told you, I'm a rogue! I left ShadowClan!" Yellowfang shrieked from below the Highrock. "Can you Clan cats not tell the difference?!"
Bluestar yawned. "Yes, but we don't care," she said. "Anyway, bad news is that WindClan's gone. There's no cat anywhere."
Smallear yawned too. "Gosh dernit, this yawning's contagious," he grumbled. Out loud, he called, "Did ShadowClan do it?"
"I think they did," croaked One-eye, who could hear him for some very odd reason. "They've been living on the uplands ever since Graywing the Wise brought the Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs movie from the mountains. Why would Raggedstar do this?"
"He didn't. He's dead," said Bluestar. "Their new leader Brokenstar wouldn't say anything about it. Instead, he said something about how communism is the answer and some other bull."
"Why don't we ask Yellowfang?" growled Darkstripe. "She's a traitor from that stinky ShadowClan."
"First of all, whippersnapper, my Clan never stinks as bad as your jokes!" Yellowfang retorted.
Some cat in the back played a video of a Yo Mama audience going "OHHHHH!"
"And second, I wouldn't tell any ShadowClan secrets to your ugly mug!" Yellowfang concluded.
"OHHHHH!" went the Yo Mama video again.
Darkstripe, however, snarled and prepared to fight Yellowfang, but Bluestar was ready. She sprayed Darkstripe with vinegar from a spray bottle.
"First of all, cut that out," Bluestar commanded. "And second, I want all cats to be on guard twenty-four seven. Get as much coffee as you can to stay up, and switch with other cats often. Oh yeah, and Firepaw gets to be my third apprentice," she added. "Since Frostfur and Runningwind were once my apprentices, I hope they can help me train you."
"Sorry, but I've got kits to look after," said Frostfur.
"Yeah, and I'm missing the first season of Last Man Standing," added Runningwind.
Firepaw was stunned and a little happy, ignoring some gasps. He was to be the leader's new apprentice? Graypaw gave him a grin and nudged him.
But Tigerclaw did not look happy. "Sure thing, Bluestar," he growled. "Give rewards to cats who don't deserve 'em. Why don't you chop off your tail and give that to him too?"
"Leave the lame gore jokes to Darkstripe, Tigerclaw. Firepaw's with me now, and I'll decide his punishment," said Bluestar. She turned to Firepaw and went on, "Firepaw, you will be responsible for caring for Yellowfang. Bring her some food, change her bedding, and get rid of her fleas. Oh, and no video games until that's done."
Firepaw groaned, but he had no choice.
"Great idea, Bluestar!" Dustpaw jeered. "That kittypet's gonna need all the hunting he can get!"
"And he'll need to be an expert in cracking fleas!" Sandpaw giggled unkindly.
Now Bluestar asked, "And did either of you send the elders 'thank you' cards for their services as well?"
That made Dustpaw and Sandpaw look ashamed.
"Thought so," Bluestar said. "There's no shame in caring for an elder who cannot take care of his or herself. I mean, I'd do it, but I gotta get a haircut."
Bluestar doesn't have hair. She's...oh, wait, hair's all over our bodies, Firepaw thought. Does that mean we have them on our...ugh! Bad thought!
So Bluestar went to get a...fur-cut, I guess, and the other cats went off to do their usual cat stuff. As Firepaw prepared to go over to Yellowfang, Longtail came swaggering up to him, holding a plate of Totino's pizza sticks.
"So sorry to hear you've gotta look after the old flea-bag," Longtail said in a mock sympathetic tone. He held out the plate and said, "Here. Have a pizza stick."
Eager to at least get a taste of pizza, Firepaw reached out to grab it.
"Psych!" Longtail sneered, snatching it away and eating it in front of him. "Serves you right for taking in an outsider."
"How does it feel to be mixed between a Pikachu and a Leafeon?" asked Firepaw.
That made Longtail's sneer turn to a scowl as he stomped away. With satisfaction, Firepaw heard Longtail then mutter uncertainly "Am I a mix of those two?"
To be continued...