****WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF CHILD ABUSE****

Want to know why the idea of returning to Australia straight after Kel's accident freaked Bella out so much? This chapter explains everything.

The italics are Bella's memories.

**Kleenex warning**

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

My Immortal - Evanescence

Chapter 28

Shattered

Bella's POV

"Bella, here put this on," a gentle voice spoke to me, the tone soothing and tender, but unable to ease the pain that was tearing through the fabric of my soul.

I raised my head numbly in response.

Alice.

She was helping me into an oversized, fluffy pink robe. As she wrapped it over me, pulling my arms through the sleeves, my limbs moving mechanically, I stared numbly at the black and tan dress that lay haphazardly over the bathroom sink.

My prom dress.

I was just at the prom with Edward… I'd kissed him.

I closed my eyes and allowed the memory of Edward's tender lips merging with mine to wash back through my thoughts. It brought a warm static energy with it, and I felt myself smile but it was fleeting, fading almost instantly as the warmth of my memory immediately retreated. I took a heavy breath; my chest ached with it.

Edward had only kissed me tonight, yet my consciousness of it was saturated in dark shadows.

I shook my head to myself softly, trying to clear the fogginess from my mind, and when I looked up again I found a pair of blue green eyes gazing intently back.

"Alice…" I whispered, my voice catching.

She nodded, smiling gently through a mask of heartbreak. I continued to stare at her, feeling my forehead knot in confusion.

Why was she so sad?

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me briefly but delicately to her—like I might break—before she again released me, gazing steadily at me. Her eyes were reflecting a helplessness that was very unlike her. Alice was always so positive and optimistic. "Bella, you're going to get through this. I promise you; you will."

I took a shaky breath but my lungs refused to fully expand. My chest was on fire; it ached with an all-consuming pain. I shook my head again, trying desperately to clear my thoughts. I hadn't repressed the terrible reality that Kel had died, but I couldn't discern any details of how it came about. It was as if there was a huge black hole in my memory.

I pushed stubbornly back through to the shrouded memories of the first few weeks after I'd left Australia. It was something that I hadn't done with so much clarity since… I had come to see Alice on that fateful day when I ran in the rain to the Cullens' front door; when Edward's interception had pulled me back from the brink of drowning.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tears slipped from beneath my lashes in silent streaks. Memories were rushing back in a jumble of confusing images, but I didn't shy away from them like I normally would.

Bella, we didn't want to have to tell you this via Facebook. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, please call.

Nummi's message.

My breath caught and quickened, and again my chest ached with that relentless fire. I gripped it tightly, my fingers pressing into my skin in a futile attempt to dull the pain.

"I—I have to call Australia—something's happened!"

"Bella! It's Kel, she was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"

Car accident? But I didn't remember a car accident. At least, not one that Kel was in.

I brought my hands to my forehead, pressing my rigid fingers into my skin, trying to decipher nightmares into reality as they ebbed and flowed through my memory.

It was Edward who had been in an accident. I saw it with my own eyes.

I had seen Edward's car a twisted ruin. I saw him lying on the side of the road, his face and hair covered in blood. Just as I continued to see it now, flashing behind my closed eyes, so vivid, so real; Edward Pale and lifeless.

Edward…

"EDWARD!" Alice cried out; her voice slicing through the still night, full of heart wrenching fear that brought me to my knees. I dropped to the side of my Jeep, shaking, trying desperately to hold on to the thin fabric of my consciousness.

My eyes flew open. I drew in a sharp breath, shaking my head with a sudden terrible panic. I was at the prom tonight with Edward—I could still smell him on me!

"Oh, God—no!" I cried out in sudden alarm, hearing my anguished voice reverberate around the bathroom continuously, becoming part of the nightmare that I was unsure how to wake up from

"Bells…" Nummi whispered through the phone, "they turned off the life support machines. He's gone. Edward's gone."

My breath caught, my heart started galloping.

"EDWARD!" I cried out with immediate panic—my tone seeped with it. I couldn't breathe. "Edward…"

Alice gripped my arms. "Bella, it's okay. It's okay. Edward's here—EDWARD!"

"Was it Edward too? Please tell me! Please tell me it's not true!" I pleaded with her desperately, gasping for air as the panic squeezed relentlessly at my chest.

Still the images continued to flood back the forefront of my mind.

I watched from the distance where my car was, unable to look away, unable to take a breath. My eyes followed Jazz as he held Alice protectively in his arms, walking her over to where Edward was lying. She clung to him, and even from where I stood, I could see how violently she was shaking. When they reached where Edward was lying on the damp bitumen of the road, he released her from his arms and slowly she bent down beside him.

No! I was at the prom with Edward tonight!

The ache in my chest intensified, clenching tighter while tears continued to stream endlessly down my face, paralysing me with a deep dark helplessness. The image of Edward lying on a hospital bed, motionless and deathly pale continued to assault my mind. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the floor, shaking my head over and over again. I Called his name, again and again, repeatedly; hearing my voice as though it was a memory; an echo.

And then he was there with me. He pulled me against him, engulfing me in his arms. I caught the very real smell of him and clung steadfast to it for my very life. Grabbing fistfulls of his shirt, I pulled him to me, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm here, Bella! I'm here!" I heard his voice as it vibrated from within him, full of dismay.

I pulled back and found myself staring into his burning green eyes.

"I'm here, Bella," he repeated, the tone of his voice softening.

I just stared at him, inhaling sharply into my burning lungs over and over as I struggled to take an even breath.

"Edward?" I whispered after a moment.

He nodded and reached out tentatively to wipe my tears with the back of his hand. "It's me, Bella. I'm here."

I reached out and placed a trembling hand on his cheek as another onslaught of sobs choked from me. "Edward! You were in a car accident! They switched off your life support!"

His forehead began to furrow; he shook his head back and forth. "That wasn't me, sweetheart," his voice was calm and soothing, but it was laced with guilt.

Edward had kissed me so passionately in the gazebo; I could almost feel my lips tingling with the sensation of it.

I only shook my head again. Was I losing touch with reality? "Was it a dream? Was the prom a dream?" I stared up at him, losing what was left of my equanimity in his eyes as I pleaded with him.

He shook his head again, his forehead creasing deeper while a small sad smile formed on his lips. "No, it wasn't, honey. You're not dreaming. I…" his voice trailed off and he broke my gaze.

I was unable to shed the image of Edward lying bloodied and lifeless on the road from my thoughts. I clung to him again with trembling arms, anxiously; not knowing whether he was really here with me or whether he was a figment of my imagination.

I closed my eyes and endured the echoes of memories that I had tried to deny for so long.

"Bella, they're saying we should expect the worst."

Rach's voice, bleak and despondent. I jolted and then immediately calmed with realisation.

"Kel's ... really gone," I said, my voice a flat whisper.

"Bells ..." Nummi spoke with broken dismay through the phone. "She's gone. Kel's gone."

Kel was gone.

"She's gone," I repeated, my voice breaking as an explosion of pain cemented the reality further. I cried freely, finally understanding.

Edward was here, and Kel was gone.

I felt myself being pulled against Edward's chest. I lay in his arms broken and limp, sobbing breathlessly. I was finally seeing the truth as the images again flooded my mind. Kel, her smiling face, one of the three pieces that made up my heart, gone. It wasn't Edward on the side of the road dying, it was Kel. It had always been Kel.

"Edward, we have to call Mom and Carlisle. She's in shock."

. . .

There was a knock on the door. I sighed and pulled myself lazily off the couch, not bothering to mute the television. There was no need to pretend no one was home; I knew who was knocking by the familiar sound of it.

I opened the door with resignation. Kel stood before me staring back at me with that never-ending look of burdened pain written into her features. It was always the same expression whenever she looked at me these days.

"Bells, you weren't at school again today." She sighed.

I shook my head and shrugged nonchalantly. "Nup."

"Why?" she pleaded with me. She wasn't asking me about school, we both knew it. What she was asking, though, I had no reasoning for, and it seriously pissed me off.

"Because I couldn't be fucked!" I retorted hotly.

She just stared at me while the pain behind her eyes intensified. I looked stubbornly away. That bloody look of hers always burned straight to my soul. I couldn't stand it.

"I hate this," she said softly with conviction creasing at her brow. "I hate what you're becoming—what she's doing to you!"

"What is she doing to me?" I asked scoffing sarcastically, folding my arms across my chest.

"Well for one thing—that!" She pointed stubbornly at my fading black eye.

. . .

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I put you through all that," Edward whispered to me. The guilt was still behind every syllable that he spoke, but I only held steadfast to his voice. If I could hear him so clearly he had to be here.

I pushed again back into my memories, searching desperately for Kel's voice. It was a voice I knew better than any other. Hers was always the voice of reason; the only voice that was able to sooth, comfort and inevitably calm me in the wake of Renee's poison.

A voice I would never hear again.

. . .

"I told you how I got that?" I replied defiantly.

"That's bullshit, Bella, and you know it!" Her voice immediately rose with a frustrated anger. "Why the hell would you protect her?"

"I'm not protecting anyone!" I declared defiantly, while my face immediately flashed with the heat of my deception.

"Oh yes you are, and better still you are becoming the very thing you swore you wouldn't!"

"Maybe I just don't give a fuck any more, Kel! Did you ever think of that?" I yelled back at her, my voice breaking with sudden emotion. I buried my face in my hands just as tears began spilling down my cheeks.

"Bells—bloody hell!" Kel whispered, pulling me into her arms. "We're going to do something about this. I promise we will."

. . .

"...She's r-really gone." I hiccupped, sobbing into Edward's chest.

I was beginning to feel an emptiness creep over me. Even the burning ache that had buried itself deep within my chest began to fade. But I felt his arms enfold tightly around me. I felt the rhythmic hammering of his heart gently against my cheek. And I felt the violent shaking within me dissipate as a black blanket of consciousness drifted over me.

I heard voices; voices I knew. Uncle Billy, Jacob, Esme, Rosalie and even Carlisle, but they sounded muffled and echoed as though I was hearing them from under water. The things they spoke didn't make much sense to me, either. It was as though they were speaking in a language that I was just beyond the cusp of understanding. And everything that was spoken to me was so immersed in concern that it threatened to bring the all-consuming heart break back to the surface again.

The only time I felt a calming warmth was from Edward's embrace, but after a while he disappeared, and I began to grow panicked and confused; again finding myself lost, unable to discern reality from nightmares.

Then Carlisle was before me, peering down at me with a warm smile on his lips as lines of concern creased his forehead.

A bright light suddenly blinded my vision; I shrank away from it instinctively.

. . .

[Ten years old]

"Isabella Swan, get your useless arse in this car right this minute!" Renee yelled drunkenly from the driver's seat as I stood stock-still, caught like a deer in the headlights of her car.

I immediately began shaking.

"I'm sorry, Renee!" I pleaded with her, bursting into tears. It was futile; I held the evidence of her anger right there in my hands before her; a bag of hot chips that I'd bought by stealing money from her purse.

"You're going to be sorry. How dare you steal from me, you fucking little bitch. I'm going to flog you within an inch of your life!"

"I bought them for her, Mrs Dwyer!" Kel spoke up, her voice trembling nervously, but she stood her ground bravely.

Renee staggered drunkenly from her car and grabbed my ear roughly, pulling me toward her. "Is that true, you thieving little piece of shit?" she whispered to me through clenched teeth, her breath seeped with the stale smell of alcohol.

I cringed away and began to tremble more violently. "Y-yes."

I heard the blow before I felt it as it rang first through my ears.

She began dragging me toward the car, still gripping my ear, while I stumbled clumsily and dazed, trying to stay on my feet.

"You let her go!" Kel lunged forward and began pummelling Renee with her fists.

. . .

"Bella, you're in shock. I'm going to give you something that will make you feel much better, and will help you sleep," Carlisle's voice spoke softly to me. I looked into his sharp blue eyes and felt myself calm. There was something so compassionate and protective about him; he almost reminded me of Uncle Billy.

I felt a stinging pain in my arm. I flinched.

. . .

Renee gripped her hand to my arm, her fingernails all but piercing my skin as she dragged me through the house, roughly; knocking me into the furniture in her angry haste to get me to my bedroom.

As soon as she reached my room, she threw me on the floor. I scrambled onto my bed, just as she unleashed her wrath on me. Curling myself into a ball, I hugged my teddy bear to my chest, trying in futile vain to protect myself from her erratic, intoxicated blows.

After what seemed like an eternity, they stopped. I just lay whimpering quietly, knowing if Renee heard me whinging it would incense her into more of a beating.

"You're nothing but a useless mistake. You should have been flushed down the toilet when I had the chance," she spat at me hatefully, before yanking my teddy bear from my arms. "You can kiss Daddy's little gift goodbye too."

"No—Edward!" I cried. "Please, Renee—please don't!" I begged her, falling off my bed and landing at her feet.

Her lips curled into a cruel sneer. "Watch me."

She turned on her heel and walked back into the lounge room, then coldly threw my teddy bear into the crackling fire. He immediately burst into flames, turning the fire a brilliant ice blue as he began burning.

"NO!" I screamed, throwing myself to my knees sobbing uncontrollably, and trying in vain to jump into the fire to retrieve him, but Renee held me back. Not to protect me from getting burnt, but so I could watch my beloved bear, the one The General had sent me for Christmas when I was five, burn slowly and turn to ashes in the fire.

I cried pitifully, not feeling anything as Renee dragged me back to my bedroom by the scruff of my neck; my feet barely touching the ground. She threw me roughly onto my bed; my head hit the timber head board, heavily. I didn't react to it; I just scrambled to the furthest part of my bed and hugged my knees to my chest.

"You stay in here. If I see you for the rest of the night, I'll kill you. Do you hear me?" she roared, consumed by the alcohol twisted hatred for me.

I nodded my head hastily, trying to quiet the gasping of my sobs. "Y-yes."

She left, slamming my bedroom door, leaving me to cry a river of silent tears as I hugged my pillow helplessly to myself.

I wasn't sure how long I had been lying on my bed in the dark, when I heard a soft rapping at my window. I sat up quickly and wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. A crushing relief consumed me from within. It was Kel; though, I always knew she'd come. She always did whenever Renee got drunk enough that she turned her resentment on me.

I jumped up and opened the window, bursting into a fresh torrent of tears by the sheer look of panic shining in her eyes. "Bells, are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"S-she threw Edward in the fireplace," I whispered, closing my eyes as my face crumbled further in pain.

"Oh, Bells." She sighed deeply, pulling up the window higher and reaching out to help me as I clambered through.

I climbed down shakily as Kel wrapped her arm over my shoulder and guided me to the bottom. There was no chance Renee would notice me gone; she never checked on me. Not that she'd care if she found me missing, anyway.

With her arm securely over my shoulder, Kel and I ran like thieves in the night all the way home. To the only real home I had; hers.

. . .

After only a short while, the veil of incoherency that had enveloped me began to lift, only to be replaced by a heavy exhaustion. I became vaguely aware that I was lying on Alice's bed while she and Jazz lay beside me. Alice was talking to me softly, though her words drifted in and out of my consciousness and were never fully perceived. Though, I was still comforted by her presence and the resonance of her tone.

Every so often I would catch glimpses of Uncle Billy and Jacob as they walked past the door. Jake peeked in a few times and the expression defining his face alarmed me. It wasn't until these moments that the crashing reality of Kel's death would hit me again, threatening to drown me in despair.

"Where's Edward," I asked Alice shakily.

I hadn't seen Edward for a while and the absence of him had made me grow cold.

She opened her mouth to reply just as I caught sight of him walking past the open door. There was an angry sort of determination clouding his expression. Esme walked past just after him and it was then that I caught Edward's voice rising in a tone that I'd never heard before.

"It's not up for discussion, Mom!"

"Edward, be reasonable, please," Esme spoke seriously.

"I'm not the one being unreasonable. You're treating me like a freaking child!"

"I appreciate that you care very deeply for Bella, but you are still recovering from a very serious accident."

"I've recovered. Don't use that against me," his voice lowered, becoming almost a growl.

"It's not going to happen, Edward." Esme's usually warm voice hardened and rose sternly.

"I'd like to see you stop me."

Releasing my breath, I rolled onto my back and ran my fingertips across my forehead, attempting to clear my mind of all confusion. Everything I heard still had the implication of an echoed memory, but the suggestion behind Edward's conversation with his mother worried me.

I turned to Alice. It was obvious that she had been listening as well; her expression was furrowed. She reached up to chew on her thumbs nail before she turned to meet my gaze and smiled warmly. The expression she'd worn a moment ago was instantly erased.

I wanted to ask what Edward was arguing with his mother about but my eyelids were becoming so heavy that it was taking all my energy to keep them open, and my thoughts were so clouded that I was beginning to doubt that I'd properly grasped the undertone of their conversation.

I closed my eyes, succumbing to the exhaustion.

"Sleep, Bella," Alice's voice was the last thing I heard. I tried to hang on to it as it floated through my mind, but eventually it faded away.

. . .

[Sixteen years old]

As I sat in the back seat—trying to keep my breathing to a bare minimum to prevent myself from being knocked backwards by the stench of alcohol that all three of them were exhaling into the small closed cabin of the car—I began to realise the brashness of my decision. A decision to leave a party, and my friends, and accept a ride home by three drunk men. Each one of them was at least three years older than I was, and each one of them was a complete stranger.

On one side of me was the heavyset one with bleary, blood shot eyes. He kept trying to snake his arm over my shoulder, despite the amount of times I'd blatantly inched away from him—into the path of the one on the other side of me; the quiet scowling one. I squirmed in my seat, trying to establish a medium, non-contact zone between the two of them.

"So, love, where do ya live again?" the driver, who had already told me his name was Darryl—though I could call him Daz—asked me as he glanced—his eyes leering at me—through the rear vision mirror.

I cleared my throat and thought quickly. I wasn't about to give them my real address, even though the idea struck me as potentially useful in the event that they did turn out to be murdering rapists. All I'd have to do was wait for Renee to get home and let her intercept. She'd take great satisfaction in even being raped and murdered in preference to me.

"Um ... just drop me off up here at the pub. I live close by," I answered quietly.

"Good thinkin, gorgeous. Wanna party a bit more with just us, do ya?" the big one slurred drunkenly, leaning close to me. His breath rushed in my ear, and I openly cringed.

"No, I really have to get home, actually." And there was no way under the stars I was taking three males into the pub where my mother worked.

Daz pulled his car right up to the front of the pub and my heart lodged in my throat. Then to make matters worse, Mr Dark and Frosty grabbed my hand tightly in his huge, sweaty grip.

"Come on, love, just a few beers, huh? You look like you could be a bit of a wild cat."

"I-I can't. Look just let me go—I never said I'd go drinking with you wankers!" I burst angrily, though the tremor in my voice immediately undermined any confidence I wanted to hang on to.

Daz only chuckled, pulled me from the scowling guy, and walked into the pub as I struggled in vain the entire way. "Just one drink, then we'll drive you home—I promise."

"Forget it, I'll walk home from here," I demanded stubbornly and a little desperately; anxious to leave before my mother spotted me.

Pulling my hand free, I turned to leave and found myself confronted by Renee's cold hard, stare.

I immediately froze.

She pulled the swinging bench top back and made her way over to the three men. She took her note pad from her apron, her steps slow, calculating and intimidating; her eyes not once deviated from mine.

"What will it be, boys?" she finally broke her gaze from mine and turned to the guys, speaking in the high, provocative tone that she used for work.

"Three schooners, love," Darryl spoke up for them all.

Renee placed her pencil behind her ear then leaned her elbows on the bar-height table, taking advantage of the best angle to deliberately reveal her cleavage.

"Listen, boys, if you want a little action tonight," she paused to grab my jaw with her hand, her thumb and middle finger pressing roughly into the tender skin of my cheeks, "this frigid, prick teasing little bitch really isn't your best option."

In a rare display of angry defiance, I pulled my face from Renee's grasp and glared at her, feeling my entire face boil with hatred.

She grabbed my arm, turning back to them with one of her sickeningly fake pretences of being an up standing citizen of the town. "I'll get your beers for you in one minute, boys. I just need to sort out this child."

She dragged me into the women's toilets, let go of my arm, and rounded on me furiously. "Haven't I told you never to come in here when I'm working, you fucking little whore?"

"They dragged me in here," I spoke in my defence quietly, dropping my gaze from hers and bowing my head; all but shrinking away from her.

She snorted.

"You filthy little bitch, you brought them in here to throw them in my face—didn't you?" she demanded, her voice dropping low and more threatening.

I shook my head anxiously, feeling my heart momentarily stall. "I-I didn't."

"Leave now, and let me just tell you this once. Do not even consider coming home tonight—or I'll set the dogs on you!" she spoke so lowly that her words became all but a seething murmur. Then, continuing to glare at me, her face twisting with resentment, she shoved me towards the door.

I ran clumsily out of the toilet and out of the pub—ignoring the three drunken wankers as they eyed me curiously—and kept going—not slowing down until it was all well behind me. I eventually stopped, sobbing bitterly while pitifully trying to catch my breath. I turned my face to the stars, allowing the tears to run freely down my cheeks, before taking a drawn out miserable breath. I could feel the toxic tentacles of hatred toward my mother spread out and consume me. I balled my hands into fists, my muscles shaking with fury, my tears turning angry. I wanted with a desperate urge to lash out at something, make it feel as shitty as I did. But all too soon, and predictably, it dissipated into a hollow, numb emptiness.

I walked aimlessly for a few more metres then stopped; I didn't know where to go. Obviously I couldn't go to Renee's, and the girls were no doubt still at the party I'd skipped out on.

I really did need to buy the mobile that Kel had hassled me numerously to get, but I knew if Renee found it she'd know I had money. And if she found out I was getting money from The General all hell would break loose.

I turned around and almost subconsciously walked in the direction of Kel's house. I knew they probably wouldn't be back from the party for a while yet, so I decided I'd hang out in the barn until they did. Of course Kel's mum would gladly invite me inside if she knew, but her attempts to mother me in the very real absence of my own always upset me. Besides, I hated to burden her with my shit.

I had not walked ten metres when a car pulled to a stop noisily in the gravel beside me. I jumped in alarm, my eyes meeting with Kel's oldest brother, Chris.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, where did you go? The girls have been looking for you the past hour, fucking freaking out!" He kicked open the passenger side door, shaking his head with aggravation. "Get in." He huffed.

I climbed in and sat ashamedly with my fists clasped in my lap. Chris pulled away from the curb, pulling his mobile from his pocket as he did.

"Yeah, Kel, she's with me. I'm taking her home." Then, throwing his phone in the glove box, he glanced at me, a scowl on his face, before he turned his eyes to the road.

Kel's mum gushed over me with stern relief while her eyes shone with their usual impression of pity and concern whenever they were turned in my direction.

"Go and wait in Kel's room, darling. They'll be here soon," she said tenderly to me after she'd released me from the impulsive hug—that had been the immediate result of her noticing my, no doubt, newly bruised, tear streaked face.

I only nodded and walked hastily towards Kel's bedroom becoming choked with a burning emotion that I refused to allow Kel's mum to notice. The last time I'd cried in front of her, she cried right along with me, and I vowed never to let that happen again; never to contaminate others with Renee's poison.

When the girls finally arrived and entered the room, Kel walked straight past me. Her jaw was set angrily, her expression an assortment of emotion; pissed off being the most prominent.

"I can't even look at you right now, Bella," she said lowly, her voice trembling with anger. She walked into the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Rach strode over to me, placed her hands on her hips, and frowned darkly down at me as I sat dejectedly, my head bowed remorsefully; unable to meet her gaze.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" she demanded. I glanced meekly up at her; she looked so angry that I thought for a moment she might slap me.

"I wasn't," I admitted quietly.

I turned my eyes in Nummi's direction. She was sitting in Kel's rocking chair, with it angled away from me, gripping the arms of it so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. When she noticed my eyes on her she averted her attention further away, her lips pressing tightly together as angry heat spread to flush her face.

"Do you have any idea what we went through tonight thinking you were lying in a ditch somewhere DEAD?" Rach's voice rose even higher, snapping my attention back to her as my eyes welled with shameful tears. But I preferred her anger; Kel and Nummi's silence spoke volumes more.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

There was a crashing sound that came from behind the bathroom door. It made me jump. It sounded like Kel had thrown everything off the sink onto the floor.

With a brash huff, Rach grabbed my wrist and hauled me off the bed. She proceeded to drag me into the bathroom, stopping short in front of the mirror, but my eyes only sought Kel. She was sitting on the edge of the bath, her face clouded, fuming. I stared fixedly at her, my eyes pleading with her to forgive me, but she refused to meet them.

"Take a look at yourself, Bella," Rach demanded, snapping my thoughts back to her.

I timidly looked up and met her gaze through the mirror; her scowl deepened.

"Not at me—at you. See what it is that you have become!"

Reluctantly, I looked up and caught my own gaze. I found myself staring at the person reflected there. My cheeks, that Renee had gripped in her hand that night, had already started to bruise, but it wasn't that that made the tears spill pitifully down my face. It was my eyes. They had become blank, dead ... empty. I continued to stare, almost hypnotised by the stranger that stared back, until the pain of it became too much to bear.

I burst into bitter tears. "I'm sorry—I'm so sorry!"

"Bella," Rach began, her tone softening as she reached out, placed her hand on my shoulder and turned me to face her. "You have choices. You don't have to shut off and die—you don't."

I shook my head, feeling defeated and helpless. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Kel was before me; she was staring at me, her eyes swimming with that all too familiar burden. "I know what she does to you, Bella—we all do, but this road you're going down ... I can't follow you. If you're hell bent on destroying yourself, you'll have to do it on your own."

With a quickened thud of my heart, my tears instantly ceased. I looked up squarely into Kel's clear, sky blue eyes and knew she was right. I had let myself get to this point—I had let Renee drive me to this point. I lowered my eyes unable to hold her gaze, or look at Rach and Nummi a moment longer. I felt overwhelmed by an incredible sense of shame.

"How did I get here?" I whispered. It was spoken aloud but it was a question that had been gnawing at me, deep within my heart for a while now. The motivation behind all the stupid reckless things I had been doing over the last several months had not escaped my consciousness. I knew what I was doing; I had just stopped caring why I was doing them. I had inevitably lost hope. Even with Kel, Nummi and Rach on my side, she had still won.

I took a long, wavering breath and bowed my head. It was a bitter realisation. I looked back up at them. "Will you guys please help me? I can't do it anymore and I need you."

"Of course we will, Bells." It was Nummi this time. She pulled me tightly into her arms, her voice thick and breaking with conviction.

Again I broke down, crying wretchedly. I wasn't alone in it though; I never had been. The girls were right alongside me. I had lost sight of them for a while, but I vowed never to again.

. . .

"Here, Bella, let me take that for you," Edward spoke tenderly, reaching over to take the suitcase from my grip. With his other hand, he wrapped it gently around my shoulders, pulling me close to him.

For the briefest of moments I allowed myself to relax into the intimate warmth of Edward's arms, sighing into his chest and inhaling back the scent of his aftershave. A smile ghosted on my lips before it disappeared into the dark depths of my crushing grief and guilt. I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed my face further into Edward, praying for the comfort that I was sure I would feel from him, but I found nothing. As the ache continued to rage its war through me, all I knew was that Kel was gone and my sense of significance had gone with her.

Who was I without her? It was because of her that I stood now in the arms of Edward, on the other side of the world, having found, for the first time in my life, a sense of peace and belonging.

But now...

What was the point of any of it? I found myself wanting to scream out. Instead I swallowed past it and willed myself to find the blissful escape that I'd found in Edward just a couple of nights back.

Again, nothing. Just Edward's heartbeat, constant and familiar, and the feel of his lips pressing to the top of my head and pausing; his breath washing over me as he exhaled. It all evoked a hollow emptiness from me that confused me, making me want to cling to him all the more. Cling to Alice, to Jake...

The tears eventually won out, spilling down my face, no doubt streaking through the press powder that Alice had applied that morning, and dampening Edward's shirt. He only tightened his grip around me, dropping his head to murmur in my ear, a whisper wrapped in an echo that connected with me a moment later. Two simple but undeniably heartbreaking words.

"I'm here."

Edward was here for me, so was Nummi, Rach, Alice, and Jake, but where was I when Kel needed me?

Pushing back my tears with a sudden wave of stubborn frustration, I raised my head from Edward's chest, and for the first time took notice of my surroundings. We were in the airport terminal at Los Angeles. People walked busily past in all directions going about their lives while Edward walked me slowly to check in, that would take me back to Australia. Back to the nightmare, I thought I'd never escape, to a new and more horrifying one.

Edward checked my suitcase as I handed my ticket to the travel agent, my hands beginning to tremble uncontrollably.

I was really going back.

. . .

[Seventeen years old]

I'd missed another day of school. It really wasn't intentional this time. Renee got drunk and I fled the house, hiding outside while she searched for me with her flashlight, screaming out her intentions if she caught sight of me. I'd learnt early on where to hide and where to remain until she was passed out long enough for me to safely climb back through my bedroom window; passed out long enough where her threats of a beating could no longer harm me. There was never any retribution for me, not when she drank. Not while the alcohol continued to fuel her resentment, twisting it to hatred and poisoning what little reasoning she had left towards me. It was all justifiable to her, all of it, and I stood little chance of defending myself in her wrath.

It was around 4 am when she finally fell quiet; I crept back inside finding her passed out on the bathroom floor. When I woke that morning around eleven she was gone. It was too early for her to be at work, so I guessed she had gone to play bridge with her friends, and continue to maintain her reputation of being a long-suffering single mother to a selfish teenager. Either that or she had gone out with Phil, the lecherous new man in her life.

When Renee wasn't drunk and attempting to beat the crap out of me, she spent her time either flat out ignoring me, or making snide comments that covertly dragged me and The General through the mud. Instilling a good sense of self-worth in her daughter was only for the rare occasions when she actually brought someone into the house. Of course it was never heartfelt or sincere and it made me, ironically, long for her emotional abuse, like the masochist that I was. I'd learnt to deal with—even understand—that, but the facade that she put on for the benefit of her few ignorant friends? That was a different matter entirely. It gave me a false sense of hope and longing, because if she could pretend so convincingly, I had to believe that maybe deep down she really did love me.

It was more detrimental to me than all her beatings combined.

I was working on my English assignment on Othello, not realising, as my thoughts probed back to Renee, that I had been pressing into my note pad with so much pressure that my pen went through several layers of paper. I stood up abruptly and paced the room, crossing my arms tightly across my chest, silently fuming. I knew I had to clear her from my thoughts or I'd find myself being again consumed by the very same anger that had threatened to take everything I cared about from me. I'd promised the girls that I was no longer going to embark on any more reckless crusades—and that extended to jigging school. I was, regardless of the circumstances, racked with guilt about missing today, and I allowed this emotion to quell my anger.

I refused to allow Renee to ruin my life. I refused to be tainted by her influence. Not anymore!

Inevitably and right on 3:30 that afternoon, Kel's familiar knock brought a smile to my lips for the first time that day. I jumped up off the tatty sofa that Renee had owned as far back as I could remember, and opened the front door. Kel stood before me with traces of disappointment working into her warm, welcoming grin.

I flashed her a sheepish smile, deciding against an explanation, but she was already dubiously eyeing the scratches covering my arms. Scratches that were the result of running through the bushes in the dark the previous night in my efforts to evade Renee.

"You spent the night outside again, didn't you?" It was a statement, accompanied by a weary sigh.

I nodded abashedly, rubbing my forehead in a futile attempt to hide the shame that shone in my face.

"Bells..." she complained with a trace of exasperation, "why didn't you come to my place?"

"Because, you can't rescue me all the time, Kel. I have to learn to deal with it—with her." I dropped my voice, my eyes breaking contact with hers. I was kidding myself and she was only too aware of it.

"You shouldn't have to learn to deal with anything," she said softly, before she shook her head quickly and her jaded expression gave way to a sudden bright smile. She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the open door. "Come on, we're hanging at Num's this arvo."

I soon learnt the motive behind what 'hanging at Num's' meant.

As soon as I walked into Nummi's bedroom and caught sight of their serious, determined expressions, my heart thumped heavily with a sudden sense of foreboding.

Kel was the spokesperson. It stood to reason; she was the calmest, the most articulate. "Bells, we all think it's time you told The General about what's been happening?"

I shifted uncomfortably in Nummi's beanbag before slamming the glass of coke—that Nummi had given me a few moments before to reassure me—with a little too much aggravation on the timber floor beside me. "Tell him what, exactly?" I demanded.

"Are you fucking serious, Bella? You protect that bitch like..." Rach fumed, but her words died just as suddenly. She turned away from me in a huff and folded her arms across her chest.

"I don't protect her," I insisted meekly. "And, what would telling The General achieve?"

"It would get you the hell away from her before she kills you!" Nummi spoke up, her face blazing passionately.

"Sh-She only hits me when she's drunk, and only when she can catch me—and that's hardly ever these days." Even as I spoke these words, I knew how pathetic I sounded. I wanted to openly cringe, but I didn't falter. I had become a real convincing little victim that was for sure.

Kel merely gazed at me, shaking her head with the barest of movement, her forehead creasing slowly with disbelief. "Well thank God for that! I was beginning to worry! Bella, Christ! Can you hear yourself?"

"Look, there's nothing my father can do for me, and all he'll do is worry. I can't put that on to him."

"Bella, he's your father. He's supposed to worry about you, and it's his job to friggen look after you," Nummi stressed. She ran her hand through her hair, exhaling past her obvious growing frustration.

"Nummi..." I whispered guiltily, but let it go. I had no words to express how I felt. I wanted to tell her not to worry about me, but I didn't know how to when she so clearly did.

"Bells, please," she whispered, her tone suddenly pleading as tears welled in her eyes.

I felt it then, it hit me in the chest with the force of a blow. They wanted me to leave—that's what this was about. I shook my head to protest, but Kel quickly interjected.

"Bella, we aren't enough anymore, and she'll—we can't watch her do it to you anymore. Because every day we have to watch a piece of you die!" her voice rose adamantly, before it broke with emotion. She turned away and hastily swatted the tears as they slipped down her cheeks.

I lunged to my feet in an instant, shaking my head anxiously as my heart began a tirade of panic. "You want me to leave? I can't—you're all that I have!"

"Bella!" Rach spoke up again firmly, her voice quivering ever so slightly, betraying her intention. "You have to do this."

I only shook my head back and forth, not absorbing anything but the undeniable panic that the prospect of leaving them behind caused me.

There had to be another way!

"You're dying here, Bells, and we can't stop it from happening anymore." Kel was openly sobbing now, speaking through it stubbornly, her voice conveying both her heartbreak and her conviction. She opened her mouth to continue but her voice failed her completely.

"Bells, we don't want to see you fall apart to a point where we can't put you back together again," Nummi added, her voice thick with the tears that she tenaciously fought off.

"No. I-I can't. I won't leave!" I choked back the first strangled sob that worked its way to my throat.

Kel placed both her hands on my arms, inhaled back her tears and locked her eyes with mine resolutely. "Bella, you're going to do this. You can't survive here anymore. You know it. You know what you have to do. Please!"

I continued to shake my head, desperately, but her pleading, anguished stare threatened to break all my resistance. I broke her gaze, fighting back the tears to the point that my breaths were coming out in gasps. "I-In a few years I can move away—we all can!"

"You don't have a few years, Bells," Kel whispered sadly, filling me with resignation.

From behind, Nummi wrapped her arms around me, hugging me to her. That's all it took. My head dropped defeated to my hands as I broke down into helpless, heart-wrenching tears.

I knew they were right, but how could I live without them?

I pulled Kel and Rach to me, clinging to them; my entire body convulsing with sobs that were tearing into my heart. It was a pain so raw and real that even during my seventeen years with Renee I had never experienced it before.

My heart was breaking.

. . .

I woke with a start. I'd been dozing, but I was unaware for how long. Blinking slowly, I squinted, trying to focus my eyes and rid my thoughts of the foggy confusion of sleep.

Alice was curled up by the window seat seemingly fast asleep. Her arm was bent at an awkward angle, clasped to mine. I released it, and she mumbled something unintelligible and repositioned herself.

My thoughts then focused to the second hand that clutched mine. My breathing stilled. It was large, masculine, but soft. I trailed my eyes along the length of the arm, finding the little golden hairs somehow fascinating—mesmerising. My eyes continued past the rolled up sleeve at the elbow, along the broad width of the shoulder, until finally, I raised my head slowly to meet Edward's all-consuming gaze, and my heart thudded to a skidding halt.

"You're here," I whispered, feeling myself becoming choked up by the very sight of him, sitting there beside me.

I thought I'd been dreaming!

He squeezed my hand gently before his mouth curved into a tender but sad smile. "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"

I returned his smile, but I couldn't maintain it. It was as fleeting as the warmth in my heart. He continued to gaze at me, his eyes sparking with the tenderness of his concern and that all-encompassing intensity as I searched their depths, searching for a peace that I knew he could give me, but it was a peace I didn't deserve.

Impulsively, my body continued to react to him. I felt the heat flush at my cheeks, and my pulse accelerate—all the physical manifestations from being close to Edward were still present. My desire for him was still undeniable.

With my other hand I reached for him instinctively, and he took me into his arms. I released my breath into a long weary sigh and closed my eyes, laying my head against his chest. I still found no comfort. Amongst the stirrings of a newly discovered longing, the pain in my chest continued to wage its war within me.

Kel was gone.

Fifteen hours in the air seemed like an incredibly short amount of time when it was taking me to the one place on the planet that I was dreading to return to; a place I had already said my goodbyes to. I hadn't planned on returning until I'd become a person that could hold my head up proudly, without regret or grievances. I had left, determined to succeed in the shadow of my mother, to make the guys proud of me. But it all meant nothing now; every part of it. I was going back to bury my best friend; to say my final goodbyes, and to face my final betrayal.

I'd let her die without me.

A/N: :( This wasn't easy to write…