A/N: Yeah, we speak like total bogans...

Chapter 29

Bella's Past

Edward's POV

The night before we left the U.S. we arranged to meet with Rach and Nummi at Sydney airport; who were then going to accompany us to Rocherrie, Bella's home town, via train.

And now, as we stepped into the terminal, Alice noticed them first, alerting me with a nudge of her elbow. I hadn't been looking out for them, or anyone. I was near freaking unconscious from being so jet-lagged, while any remaining energy I had left was spent on trying to keep Bella on her feet. She looked absolutely, gut wrenchingly fucking shredded. I was familiar with grief, but Bella's ... I don't know... She appeared to be drowning, and it was having an immediate effect on me that I didn't like.

I did not like feeling so fucking helpless.

When I finally caught sight of the two girls standing apart from the crowds, I knew immediately who they were. I recognized them from Bella's Facebook photos. Not to mention, they were dressed like Bella did when she first arrived in Forks—as if they were going on a cattle drive. It made me break into an involuntary smile. Bella had stuck out like a sore thumb in the beginning—even in bum-fuck Forks—that I wondered if I would have paid any attention to her if she had blended in.

If I was being brutally honest, I probably would have tried to get into her pants just to piss of her cousin, but Bella had seen me coming from a mile away. Exactly like these girls were now, they're expressions a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

I knew that look well; only with Bella there had been a shit ton of hostility with it.

For a moment they only stood sizing me up, until Bella noticed them. She immediately froze, tensing as her breath caught in the back of her throat. This is when their expressions changed; changed to that same fucked up look of grief that had besieged Bella since the night of the prom.

I removed my arm from around her, and in the next moment all three of them were hugging and crying, while fumbling to greet one another. It made me feel like Alice and I were intruding on something too personal, and for a moment I dropped my gaze to the ground, releasing my breath as I did.

It was good that Bella was crying. She hadn't done enough of it, but at the same time I knew it wasn't all that she was feeling.

She was also being ripped apart by guilt.

My thoughts probed back to the night after prom, just after Bella had received Nummi's phone call. To say she was fucked up was an understatement, but more than anything, it was obvious that she was drowning in guilt.

"I should have gone back straight away, Edward! I should have gone!" she'd yelled at me, completely fucking distraught, pounding against my chest as tears flowed in rivers down her face.

I'd tried to calm her down but she was blinded by grief; consumed by it. Just as she appeared to be now.

Alice took a step closer, before I reached out to prevent the little rat from going further.

"Just give them a moment," I told her quietly, just as I became distracted by an Australian accent that wasn't Bella.

"Say sorry one more bloody time, Bells, and I swear to God!" one of the girls—the shorter of the two, spoke with a feigned, angry affection.

I paused, almost jarred by it. You would have thought I'd have heard another Australian accent by now—other than the Hindu Australian guy at customs—but this was the first time I'd really heard it from someone other than Bella—as corny as that was.

I watched them intently for a moment, which caught the attention of the taller blond one—who could have almost been Rosalie in another universe. Her focused suddenly zeroed in on me and Alice, as a smirk slowly grew across her face.

In response I broke into an awkward kind of smile. She returned it quickly, before physically turning Bella to face us.

"Intros, Bells," she said.

My gaze fell back to Bella, who was pitifully wiping her face dry with her entire shirtsleeve. I felt my lips tug automatically—she was so freaking adorable.

She returned my smile without a pause, but it was obvious it wasn't something she felt. She merely smiled, but it was hollow and drowned out by the pain in her eyes.

"Rach," Bella turned briefly to the tall blonde before turning her gaze to the other—who stood only fractionally taller than she was, "Nummi, this is Edward and Alice."

Of course freaking Alice embraced them as though she were the one greeting long lost friends on the other side of the world. Nummi returned her enthusiasm, while Rach appeared amused by it, before her scrutinizing, curious gaze fell back on me.

"So ..." she began, when she'd untangled herself from Alice, "you're the pen bloke."

I broke into an immediate grin, and turned to Bella. She was smiling to herself, and for the first time in days it was almost genuine.

I turned back to Rach. "That would be me."

She quirked an eyebrow in Bella's direction. "Could it be, Miss Stone Fish that you have converted?"

Bella's face deepened, and for a moment her smile broadened, before she dropped her eyes to the ground and that seemingly permanent crease drew across her forehead again.

Rach stared at her, her brow pulling together with an emotion that she quickly masked, before she grabbed her hand, pulled her close and wrapped her arm over her shoulder. "You want to grab some lunch or something and vege for a bit? We've got a few hours 'till the train leaves."

Bella half shrugged, half nodded flatly before she glanced up and met my gaze, her brow shooting up as if she was gauging my reaction. I smiled at her and nodded, and she opened her mouth to speak, but her voice caught in the back of her throat. Attempting to clear it only made her erupt into uncontrollable coughing, and it immediately made me realize that on top of Kel dying and having to endure the hell of twenty hours in the air, Bella was still getting over the flu.

Subconsciously, I took a step in her direction, just as Rach, Alice and Nummi did the same. Bella didn't miss all four of us advancing upon her and it only seemed to immediately piss her off.

"I'm fine!" she spoke hoarsely and a little too sharply, putting both of her hands up to prevent any of us from getting closer. Her face clouded, and I got the impression that she wasn't altogether happy with the fact that she was. "Let's just get something to eat." She sighed, her shoulders falling with it.

We made our way to the terminal lounge. We only had a short period of time before the next part of the trip back to Rocherrie, and I was fucked already. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew eating would give me the energy to prevent my legs from fucking giving way beneath me.

I had to keep reminding myself that a few months before Bella had done this trip on her own. It seemed unfathomable just then, when I was feeling as fucked up with jet lag as I was, but she had. She'd left the only life she'd known and moved ten thousand miles to the other side of the world, and in doing so, it had thrown her and me into each other's trajectory. She'd impacted me in a way that I had never expected—that I'd never even wanted.

We found a cafe that was large enough that we could cram our luggage in with us. Bella sat in between Nummi and Rach, with her shoulders drawn, but there was something else, something not quite as obvious. Her entire expression was almost becoming ... blank.

But then maybe she was just as jetlagged as I was...

"I'll have a salad sandwich, thanks," Nummi spoke, breaking me from my thoughts.

Bella quietly ordered the same, while Rach ordered a coffee and cake after insisting that Alice and I try the Australian classic "meat pie with sauce".

"So, Bells tells us that Forks is freezing cold," Nummi spoke up after the waitress disappeared with our orders.

"It is, but we're used to it. Bella not so much, though." I smiled at her teasingly, and she returned it briefly, before dipping her head to gaze vacantly at her lap.

Rach's eyes flickered in her direction, her expression knotting, before she turned her attention to Alice and me. "Well, since our winter is 'sposed to be like your summer, I hope you two brought your cozies." She raised her brow questioningly.

All I could do was stare dumbfounded back at her, while trying hastily to decipher her meaning.

"I did!" Alice answered with enthusiasm.

Trust the freaking little rat to understand her!

I quickly glanced at Bella and when my eyes met with hers, my heart freaking swelled. She was smiling at me with the barest hint of that ass-owning way of hers.

"Cozies are ... swimmers," she explained to me, her tone light, and her smile inching broader before it once again faded behind the wall she was quite obviously building. I knew it was a defense mechanism for her; you could practically hear the anxiety at being back in Australia screaming within her. I was just worried that while retreating within herself as a mode of protection, she'd shut me out and go back to ignoring me.

Cause, yeah, I was a selfish asshole.

When our food arrived, I squirted the small, four inch in diameter pie with ketchup and then proceeded to cut into it with a knife and fork. In doing so, I had apparently committed a cardinal Australian sin. Nummi straight out scoffed, while Rach watched me with a quirked brow, a small smirk on her lips. But Bella only smiled with full-blown amusement, biting the edge of her lower lip as if she was in contemplation.

In that moment I decided to make it my mission to be a complete and utter ignorant dickhead the whole time I was here if it would make her smile. Of course, it wouldn't be easy while freaking Alice had come out of the closet as a native.

"Edward, my god, you will so get bashed eating it with utensils."

I only dropped my head, resting my brow against my palm, sighing inwardly. If she had said "bloody hell" I would have strangled the little rat.

After an hour or so in the cafe, we reluctantly picked ourselves up and made for the terminal exit and train station.

The first thing I noticed about the early Australian winter—if I was able to tune out freaking Alice's exclamations regarding it—was that it was as warm as the height of Forks' summer. It was a cloudless day and so bright I was practically blinded by it.

"I could so get used to this." Alice put on her sunglasses and tilted her face to the sky.

The weather seemed to go unnoticed by Rach and Nummi, but Bella gazed at the sky as if she was begrudging it.

I leaned down to her. "So if this is your winter, what's your summer like?"

"Forties," she mumbled in reply.

"Fahrenheit...?" I asked her, feigning ignorance to which she immediately smiled, exhaling it shortly through her nose.

Chuckling softly, I took her suitcase gently from her grasp

We headed to the subway to Sydney, and at 1:00pm we bordered the train to take us west into the New South Wales countryside; to Bella's past and her best friend's funeral.

For the first hour, I alternated my attention between the scenery outside the window while keeping an eye on Bella. She had wedged herself between Rach and Nummi as tense as a board. It was also pretty obvious that as soon as the train departed she'd began trembling, and the more her eyes reflected her fear, the more disjointed and angry I became. I felt it coursing through my veins, clenching my hands into fists, and the worst of it was that I had no fucking clue why. Was I pissed because she was hurt? Or was it because I was worried it would fuck things between us again?

Whatever the hell it was I didn't focus on it for too long, because the motion of the train was on the verge of knocking me unconscious. Bella had dozed off—resting her head against Nummi—and Alice beside me was practically snoring. Rach and Nummi both sat in silence, staring for the most part out of the window. It seemed that with the lack of conversation, the reality of everything was catching up with them.

Five minutes later, I gave up the fight and closed my eyes.

What felt like ten minutes actually turned out to be four hours. I was roused awake by Alice, who looked just as uncoordinated as I felt.

"We're the next stop, Edward," she mumbled clumsily, reaching to the over-head luggage compartment to pull down her shoulder bag.

The second I was semi-coherent my attention snapped to Bella. She was awake, her eyes red rimmed and dark as though she'd just woken herself. She still sat between Rach and Nummi, shrinking into herself, looking at least two shades paler. She caught my gaze, and then quickly averted her eyes, pushing her hands stiffly into her lap.

It was pretty obvious she was shaking by this point. In fact, her shoulders quaked as though she was physically cold. I'd seen her react to the temperature in Forks more times than I'd heard her speak, and as much as I wished she was cold just now and nothing more, I knew it was far from the truth.

I shifted to the edge of the seat, almost impulsively, to reach out to her, but before I could, Nummi drew her arm around her shoulders, diverting her attention away. Bella released the air from her lungs into a long drawn out sigh, leaned her head against Nummi's shoulder, and closed her eyes for the barest moment. Her forehead bunched and when she opened her eyes again they were fucking haunted and endless.

She was struggling, and she was fucking losing.

The train slowed, preparing to pull into the station, and we all pulled ourselves to our feet in silence and made our way to the exit.

The station of Rocherrie was a single-sided platform that appeared smack bang in the middle of nowhere. Unlike Forks the countryside was bone dry, while the air was warm and smoky—almost hazy. It only added to how fucked up exhausted I was, but as the train pulled back out, it seemed to spook a flock of birds that began making this god awful screeching sound, that snapped the coherency immediately back into me. They were the loudest fucking birds I'd ever heard, making me almost want to cover my ears, while Bella openly jumped, and stumbled against me.

I immediately reached out to steady her, and in doing so, I guess I gripped her too tightly. She flinched, drawing in her breath sharply, reacting to me as though I were burning her. Releasing her instantly, I only gazed down at her, feeling the frown grow across my expression, but feeling fucking helpless.

It wasn't the first time I'd brought out this reaction in her, after all...

"Bells, come on. You have to relax a bit," Rach said quietly to her with a sigh, reaching down to pick up Bella's suitcase that I'd dropped.

Releasing her breath, Bella reached up to press her fingers into the creased skin of her forehead. She seemed locked in some internal debate, and when she eventually looked up at me, her eyes were burning with guilt again. "I'm sorry, Edward. I ... I guess I..." The words faded from her lips, her face darkening. She huffed impatiently before continuing, dropping her voice to practically a whisper, "I just can't believe I'm back here."

My next reaction was pure impulse. I pulled her—probably too roughly—against me, stopping to wrap both my arms around her. Naturally, her body initially tensed, before she loosened up against me. I felt her sigh, before she tentatively wrapped her arms around my waist, her hands grabbing hold of my t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she repeated, her voice muffled as she pressed her face against my chest.

"Don't be sorry, Bella," I replied gently, before dropping my lips to the top of her head.

I wanted to add "and don't shut me out". It would have been a typical asshole thing for me to say, but I couldn't. As much as I was determined to be here for her, I knew I had to separate what she was going through from her and me.

After expelling her breath several times, Bella pushed herself from my arms. Her head was bowed, but even through her hair, I could see how much the fear and guilt was eating away at her.

Reaching over, I tucked the front of her hair behind her ear, out of her face; she only threw me a small, sad smile.

"I'm okay," she mumbled, shrugging one shoulder to herself. It was the last thing she was, but I didn't say anything.

Turning, she took a step toward the girls—that were all inconspicuously pretending that they weren't listening in as they gathered near the side of the road—before stopping to look back at me, extending her hand as she did.

Breaking into an immediate smile, I reached out, and grabbed it. She threaded our fingers together, before pulling me after her, when she stopped again. I only glanced down at her questioningly.

Her lips were twitching with the smallest grin. "Good thing it's not the middle of summer, Edward. I think you'd melt."

I was torn between the urge to groan out loud and laugh—and kiss her. Of course she was aware of my body temperature, and the fact that she decided to tease me over it made my fucking heart warm.

I only chuckled softly, and squeezed her hand.

Nummi informed us that her brother was picking us up, as a shudder immediately invaded Bella's body. She tried to disguise it, but since her hand was still firmly clamped around mine, I felt the energy behind it. I looked down at her; her eyes were growing deeper with panic.

Pulling her closer to me, I bent my head to speak softly into her ear, "Lean on me whenever you have to. Okay, honey?"

She smiled to herself; it warmed her entire face for a moment, while a shrewdness sparked in her eyes.

"Sap," she mumbled, nudging me gently without looking at me, and it immediately reminded me that the Bella I knew just a week ago was still there; still seeing straight through me.

I laugh softly, and beneath my breath, but didn't reply.

Nummi's brother arrived a few minutes later—on the opposite side of the road—in a muddy looking SUV. He hopped out, took his hat off and flashed us a broad, welcoming grin.

Nummi introduced her brother John who then wiped his palm on the front of his shirt before shaking my hand firmly.

"How ya goin', mate?" he said with a cheerful voice.

"I'm good, you?"

He shrugged half-heartedly. "Can't complain."

I noticed he'd made an obvious effort not to look at Bella, who now stood with her hand still clasped to mine, as stiff as a fucking flag pole.

He turned to Alice next, and bent himself almost in half to plant a loud kiss on her cheek. Alice of course found this highly amusing and started asking weird ass fucking questions about whether his hat was an "Akubra".

He looked at her with genuine amusement while his brow furrowed in confusion. "Ah ... I think it's an RM Williams, but they sell Akubras in town if you want to buy one."

He turned to Bella then and his expression completely changed—looking awkward and uncomfortable. "Bells, good to see you again. I ... erm ... I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances, ya know?"

She nodded. "Yeah ... good to see you too, John," she replied with a soft voice, before she released her hand from mine and reached up to meet his approaching hug.

He hugged her tightly, slapping her a few times on the back, the way a brother would—the way I'd hugged Alice in the past. But still, I tensed. It was involuntary, but the sight of seeing Bella in the arms of another guy—a guy she'd known a lot longer than me—made me feel instantly on edge.

I was in the midst of trying to shove this off, knowing I was acting like an infantile prick, when I caught Alice's gaze. She surveyed me for a moment then half rolled her eyes. Obviously, the little rat had picked up on my body language.

I ignored her.

When John released Bella he busied himself with making room in the rear of the truck to fit our luggage, while very obviously trying to hide the emotion from showing on his face. He cleared his throat several times, keeping his face averted from mine, and I got the impression he was embarrassed by it all, and quickly stepped forward with our bags to help him.

The ride to Nummi and John's parents' house took about half an hour, while the last ten minutes were spent driving along a winding dirt road with what seemed like thousands of sheep in paddocks either side. John explained to me, as I rode in the front passenger seat, that it was all his parents' property.

"Not a bad market, sheep, but they're a bastard to shear," he said to me once we pulled up in front of a long, dark brick house, which had a porch that ran along the entire length of it.

I nodded, clearing my throat. "Fair enough." I wanted to come up with a casual reply that didn't give away the fact that I'd never sheared one, nor did I have the slightest idea how to. I doubt I succeeded, but then he didn't seem to notice.

We all climbed out as John pulled our luggage from the rear. I grabbed mine and Bella's suitcase then followed behind her onto the porch. She looked like she was a dead man walking, head bowed, shoulders drawn, but resigned to it. As if it was her fucking fate.

Just as we reached the front entrance door, it swung open and a woman—that I assumed was Nummi's mother—came out to greet us. She turned her attention immediately on Bella and her already grief stricken expression deepened.

"Oh, sweetheart..." she spoke to Bella in little more than a whisper, her tone thick with affection before she immediately pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly.

At first Bella jolted, before she almost slackened against her, cautiously wrapping her arms around the woman's waist. Nummi's mother turned her face, kissed her on the cheek and whispered something into her ear. Bella nodded, her entire posture so broken that it was almost too much for me to continuously bear, and just as a feeling of fucking anxiety enveloped me, anger quickly took hold; the same anger that was always lurking within me when it came to Bella. I preferred it; it kept me focused.

When Nummi's mother finally released Bella, she turned to Alice.

My eyes stayed glued to Bella as she turned to me, and I caught a glimpse of the flood of emotion she was fighting. She masked it quickly, but her eyes continued to burn with it that when she smiled at me it almost ripped my fucking heart open.

"And you must be Edward!" Nummi's mother was suddenly in front of me, smiling warmly.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs.—" I began.

She quickly interjected with a wave of her hand. "Oh, call me Carol," she paused and dropped her voice before continuing. "Your mother had a long talk with me about you, but I think it's lovely that you came to support Bella, and you're more than welcome here." And before I had an opportunity to reply, she pulled me into her arms.

After I was hugged and kissed in front of John the sheep shearer, Carol quickly ushered us inside, commenting about the cool weather as she did.

John directed me to the room I was going to occupy, explaining as he walked that it was his little brother's bedroom, while Bella and Alice disappeared down a hall.

"Ya should be pretty comfy in here," he said with an almost amused grin, before opening the door.

I stepped in, and put my luggage down. It was large, full of toys and surrounded by Toy Story wallpaper. I only broke into an ironic kind of grin. The bed looked comfortable enough; other than that I didn't really give a shit.

"So, I guess you'll wanna get yourself sorted?" It was more of a statement; I was beginning to feel the jet lag, and no doubt looked like shit because of it.

"Yeah," I confessed, rubbing the back of my neck and nodding sheepishly.

"Well, righto, the bathrooms down the hall and the torlet's next door," he said, flicking his hand in a random direction.

With my brain practically at zero capacity, I almost asked the meaning of "torlet" but was thankful I didn't. John's expression was already beginning to crease with confusion—at my no doubt clueless expression—and I didn't want to look more like an ignorant dick than I already did.

"Okay ... thanks," I replied, probably too awkwardly, but I was starting to convince myself that I was drooling at the mouth by this point, anyway.

"No worries." He threw me a quick grin before closing the door.

I unzipped my bag, pulled out fresh clothes, not giving a shit that they were a crumpled heap by the way I'd packed them, and went out in search of the bathroom and torlet. It was at the end of the hall, and just as I was about to enter, I paused. I was unsure if I was sharing it with any of the girls, and as I debated whether I should find out, Alice emerged from one of the rooms and met my gaze.

"We are so not in Kansas anymore, Toto." She smirked.

"No shit, Munchkin," I replied wryly.

"What's the matter, you look lost?" she asked, quirking her brow.

"Are we sharing bathrooms?"

"No, Nummi has her own," she answered.

I nodded and disappeared inside the bathroom.

I was so fucking tired that as I soaked under the spray of the shower, I was swaying on my feet. It was the first time I'd felt this shitty since just after I'd almost killed myself. All I wanted to do was pass out—if the fucking edginess I felt over Bella would ease. Regardless though, the minute I was back in the kid's bedroom, I dragged my ass on the bed and was out cold before my mind could register the next second.

A loud knock on the door woke me with a start a couple of hours later. I shot up from the bed looking around, having no freaking idea where the hell I was for a moment.

John poked his head around the door and offered an apologetic smile, while I shook the disorientation from myself.

"Sorry, mate, just lettin' ya know that we're having a barbie in about an hour." I just stared at him fucking blankly, until a small smirk appeared on his lips. "You hungry?"

"Oh—yeah," I uttered, my voice croaky and hitching. "Um ... okay, thanks."

Food was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to crawl back under the freaking Buzz Lightyear quilt and go back to sleep, but my mind soon switched to Bella and my edginess over her immediately returned.

Laying myself back against the pillows, I allowed myself a few moments to get my bearings. It was so blatantly obvious that I was in Australia, even if I could forget the nightmare of the flight. The weather was warm, the air completely dry and the sounds surrounding the house were so foreign that I found myself listening more intently.

The sounds of the freaking eerie laughing birds, though, were soon drowned out by my pain in the ass sister's monotonously fucking enthusiastic exclamations. Rolling my eyes, I pulled myself off the bed and made my way into the hall.

"Hey, Edward, we were just about to get ya. Did you get some sleep?" Nummi asked after I almost collided with her as I exited the bedroom.

It was still so strange for me to hear my name pronounced as "Edwud" by someone other than Bella. Every time I heard it, I had to stop myself from openly reacting. But here, I was Edwud to everyone—apart from Alice.

"Yeah, a little bit," I mumbled, shoving my hands in my jeans pockets and shrugging.

"Good," Nummi said, linking arms with me and dragging me along with them, "cause we're about to get tea ready."

I turned and glanced around for Bella; she wasn't with them. I glanced at Alice, but she was busy chatting with Rach, not looking in the slightest bit concerned that Bella was absent.

Nummi tugged me closer to speak. I bent my head down to her; she was almost as short Bella. "She's out talking to Kel's mom," she told me quietly, her tone serious.

I nodded then pulled back to smile at her. She flashed me a small, sly smirk that made me wonder exactly what Bella had told them about me.

Well, let's face it; the pens were the tip of the freaking iceberg.

At the back of the house there was a covered patio where several people were gathered; Carol and John being the only ones I knew. Then there was Bella. She was sitting on the timber patio furniture talking to a blond woman whose expression was openly stricken. She was caressing Bella's hair and face with a motherly kind of tenderness, while Bella was barely able to meet her gaze.

"You must be Edwud? Good to meet ya, mate. I'm Brian!" A man who bore a striking resemblance to John was suddenly before me, shaking my hand with a laid-back friendliness.

I uttered out an awkward hello before he placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me to the table and chairs.

"Take a seat. Tea'll be ready soon," he said before he made his way back to grilling on the barbeque.

I sat down beside Bella, who turned to me and offered a small smile that momentarily softened that fucked up look of emptiness on her face. She then introduced me to Kel's mother, who was still obviously feeling the effects of her reunion with Bella.

She spoke a soft hello then politely excused herself from the table.

Bella's face flickered then completely broke, before she pulled it hastily back and replaced it with that numbness she was obviously protecting herself with. A part of me wished she'd scream—at me or whoever. She needed it and I think I preferred seeing her in the condition she was in the night after the prom, than this shell that she was turning into.

She sat beside me shifting in her seat for a few awkward minutes, before she cleared her throat. "I think I might go help get the food ready."

She got out of her seat and left.

Fuck!

I sat like a fucking idiot—the only one at the table—while John and Brian were busy grilling, when I was poked in the back from behind. The perpetrator then sat beside me; a kid—whose bedroom I was currently occupying, I was willing to guess.

"Do you live near Disneyland?" he asked me with genuine interest.

I smirked while being glad for the company, despite the fact that he looked no older than eight. "No, not exactly."

He scrunched his nose at me as though it was my fault I didn't. "Do you live near the Brady Bunch then?"

"Oi, Edward!" John suddenly called out.

I turned to him freaking gratefully.

"How many snags would ya like?"

"Erm..."

Where the fuck was Alice when I needed her?

Bella suddenly leaned over me and placed a salad bowl on the table with one hand, the other she placed on my shoulder for support.

"Sausages," she whispered in my ear.

"Uh—two, thanks," I stammered.

I suddenly had complete understanding why Bella was so self-conscious of her language in her early days at school. It might as well have been freaking Chinese.

"Thanks," I said softly to her.

She tweaked my earlobe while a shadow of her smile edged to the surface before she turned and headed back inside.

Despite all my efforts, I think the kid spotted the goofy fucking grin that involuntarily took hold of me for a second.

"Is Bells your girlfriend?" he asked me mockingly.

I folded my arms across the tabletop before I faced him. "Yep."

He screwed his face and made a heaving sound, before he was suddenly yanked from behind and shoved out of the way by Nummi, who rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him, Edward."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked as she placed more trays of food down.

"Noooo, we're about to eat," she said, dismissing me.

Just as she headed back inside, more people arrived. John greeted them and introduced them to me as Kel's father and brother.

Kel's brother, Chris, then sat down beside me, chatting for a few minutes before Bella took the seat on the other side of me. He flashed her a warm, but awkward smile before he rose from his chair.

"Do you want a VB, mate?" he asked me.

"Beer," Bella said to me softly, and thankfully before that freaking clueless look took hold on my expression again.

"Uh..." I began, before I paused with uncertainty.

"When are you eighteen?" Chris asked simply.

"July," I answered, feeling like a fucking moron for hesitating.

He shrugged. "That's only a month away. She'll be right then."

I glanced at Bella; she was smiling at me again. I returned it, grabbing her hand under the table. She squeezed it before pulling it from my grasp and getting out of the chair again.

Chris returned, plodding the bottle of beer in front of me, and I wondered if he was avoiding Bella—or if she was avoiding him. His expression was strained when she'd sat beside me, and both of them completely avoided looking at each other. I began to feel edgy; I had no fucking idea of Bella's history here, and I hated how it made me feel.

"So you and Bells, hey?" he asked after taking a couple of mouthfuls of beer and swallowing loudly.

I smiled, half shrugged and took a sip myself—trying not to grimace. "Yeah."

He nodded and took another gulp from the bottle. I felt like I should follow, but my stomach obviously still recalled the damage the keg of beer I'd drank not long ago did to it, and was rebelling against each mouthful I took.

"She happy over there?" he asked me a after a minute of silence where he appeared to be in thought.

"Um ... yeah, she seems to be," I answered.

"It was important to Kels ... that Bella was happy. She was like a sister to us..." his voice trailed off before he cleared his throat and drank the rest of his beer.

I only nodded, gripping the bottle of beer in both my hands.

He suddenly shook his head with a sigh, then seeming to shrug it off, he began chatting to me again; with all mention of Bella and his sister avoided.

I kept up the pretense of drinking the beer, taking painful fucking gulps of the stuff, when Bella came to my rescue. She placed her hand on my shoulder again to lean over me and set down a basket of bread in the center of the table. As she did, her hair swept over my neck and side of my face, engulfing me with the scent of it. It felt newly washed, soft and silky, and if I wasn't so fucking jet lagged it would have given me an immediate erection.

"You guys done?" she asked, though it was more of a statement, before she picked up Chris' empty bottle of beer while taking mine from my hand. She knew I wasn't finished, and she knew why, and I freaking loved her more than anything in my life.

Even amongst the grief she was going through, she was looking after me.

When she was gone again, I met Chris' gaze and he threw me a sly grin. It was probably the fact that my face was blazing with the sudden heat that was invading my veins, or that the goofy grin was still nailed to my face. Either way, I suspected he knew exactly why and he was suddenly looking a lot like Jazz.

John suddenly plonked a large tray of barbequed sausages and steak before us, saving me from looking like more of a dick, and dinner began.

The mood was, for the most part, pretty awkward. Bella was quiet for the majority of it, speaking only to answer questions about how she was liking the U.S. before going back to eating. I was asked a few more questions that I would have had absolutely no way of answering if Bella hadn't been beside me. When Brian asked me if I wanted a "stubby", Bella accidentally knocked over John's empty bottle of VB. In fact, I was offered beer five times in three different ways, so I was sure there wasn't anything else that could stump me. Then Brian asked if I wanted some "dead horse". Even Alice stopped eating enough to look up, completely bewildered. Bella simply picked up a bottle of ketchup and handed it to me. But I knew I definitely had a "what the fuck" expression that hung around for the rest of dinner.

And it made Bella smile.

After dinner Carol ushered the girls away when they tried to help. It meant I was saved from suffering through another attempt of drinking my "middy", when Rach came and dragged me away. Apparently Alice wanted to see Nummi's horses. I had to remember to thank the little rat. Out of the six beers given to me, I'd probably only drank one full one, but my stomach was already queasy because of it.

Bella, Rach and Nummi went inside to grab their jackets before we set out, walking slowly toward the back paddocks. Bella stayed beside me and when I reached out and took her hand, she curled herself closer to my side. Releasing her hand a moment later, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, relieved that she was no longer trembling. She looked like she was starting to loosen up at the idea of being here, and her face had even begun to rid itself of that blank expression—even if it was primarily reflecting grief. In a fucked up way I was relieved.

For whatever reason, she wasn't very comfortable in the barn around the horses. While Alice went ridiculously over the top at the sight of them, Bella immediately tensed, and when I gazed down at her, her entire face looked fucking broken. I led her out; she didn't protest. In fact, she seemed relieved.

"Not a horse fan?" I asked her lightly. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she was okay. That would have been the most fucked up question of the century.

"I ... not really," she stammered, quietly.

There was obviously more to it than that, but I didn't want to bother her. I figured she'd open up to me when she was ready, so I said nothing.

We walked further along the back paddock, through dry, dusty grass, until it was so dark the only light came from the moon and stars. I had honestly never seen so many stars in my life. In Forks, you were lucky to see a couple depending on the cloud cover. But here ... there were millions of them.

Bella pointed out the Southern Cross; the stars that were on the Australian flag. Then instead of shoving her hand back in her pocket—like she had been—she wrapped it apprehensively around my waist.

I pulled her closer to me, tucking her under my arm, before she leaned her head on my chest and sighed deeply.

"Bella?" I began gently.

She lifted her head. "Yeah?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"You're going to get through this, okay?" I promised her, tilting my head so I could see her eyes.

She broke my gaze, nodding hastily before taking a shaky breath.

We came across an old timber makeshift bench beneath a humongous tree.

Taking both her hands, I sat her down on it before me. She just peered up at me, as if she was pleading with me. It cut straight through to my fucking heart.

"I promise ... I will get you through this," I repeated, my voice becoming compromised.

She only nodded again as her eyes continued to canvass mine, before slowly, they filled with tears that spilled down her cheeks—something she immediately wiped away as if she was impatient with them.

"It's okay to cry, baby," I whispered gently to her, and her face completely crumbled.

Pulling her hands from my grasp, she covered her face and completely sobbed. It was such a heartbreaking fucking sound, but it didn't fill me with anger like I thought it would; it filled me with resolve. A resolve that I would do whatever it took to get her past this.

Sitting beside her on the bench, I pulled her into my arms. She continued to shield her face from me as she cried, but as I held her, running my fingers through her hair, she slowly relented, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"Edward?" she asked after a while, her voice completely broken and barely audible.

I pressed my lips on top of her head and hummed in answer.

She lifted her head and looked at me; her face was wet and blotchy, and her eyes just seemed like they went on forever with a thousand years of fucking sadness. She attempted to speak, but stopped herself as tears welled in her eyes again.

"What is it, honey?" I encouraged her.

"Thank you—for coming. I'm so glad you're here," she managed finally before her voice choked over.

I smiled at her, placing my palm to her cheek, and wiping her tears away. "Where else would I be?"

She just stared back at me, before she did something that completely surprised me. She climbed awkwardly onto my lap, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and buried her face fully against my skin. She had actually curled herself up, pressing herself against me, in such a vulnerable, trusting way, but all my body did was fucking immediately awaken. I wanted to absolutely fucking groan aloud; it wasn't about me being a horny bastard. It was about her, but I couldn't stop my body from reacting to her.

Her hot breath washed against my tingling fucking skin, while I rubbed her back, up and down slowly and with just the tips of my fingers until she grew almost still in my arms.

It was then that she began curling her fingers through my hair, while her lips, or the tip of her nose—I wasn't sure which—began trailing over my skin. She paused then and pressed her lips deliberately to the side of my neck, and with a final flood of heat, I burst to fucking life to the tight confines of my jeans.

She sat back, sitting flush on top of me, continuing to gaze at me, while her hands reached for mine. I had no idea what she wanted, what she was feeling, but in the moonlight, beneath the millions of stars overhead, she looked so fucking desirable.

She didn't say a word; she just sat above my raging hard on, blinking slowly. I had to remind myself continuously, over and over, that she was in pain. I could in no way relate what she was doing in anyway physical—despite the fact that my erection was trying to convince me otherwise. She needed the contact from me; she needed the security, but as usual, I was torn right down the middle.

Releasing her hand from mine, she trailed her finger along my jaw, watching intently as she did. I could feel the heat beneath my skin follow her touch, and it was becoming torture. Her eyes flickered to mine again, then what seemed like a subconscious act, she moistened her lips.

Something snapped deep within me then, and without contemplating it, and in one motion, I cupped her face with both my hands and dragged her lips to mine. My initial thought was that she'd immediately pull away and slap me, but she didn't; in fact, far from it. She acted and reacted to me naturally, with just as much intensity as me.

My hands remained cupped to her face, when I became aware that she was pulling them down. When I released them, she immediately wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, kissing me with greater depths until I was tasting the sickly sweet flavor of "dead horse". I reacted to it again without thought; taking it deeper and further, and pressing her small little body flat against mine. Each time I kissed her I brought her more closely, and she didn't protest; she didn't pull away. Instead, she completely surrendered to me, yielding to me, as she merged her mouth further to mine.

After a while, as every pore of my skin was burning to a cold fucking chill, with my erection throbbing from pain just as much as longing, Bella began to tremble, her mouth began to close to mine, while the pressure of her lips softened. Then, bringing her hand to touch my cheek, she finally pulled back. It was then that I noticed she was crying. She'd been crying—she'd been kissing me with so much depth and feeling when all along she'd been crying.

It was enough to bring me down in an instant.

Resting her forehead against mine, she closed her eyes. "Edward..." she whispered, her voice completely fractured.

"Hey..." I replied gently, before getting up from the bench, pulling her with me as I did, enfolding her against my chest.

She immediately clung to me, her hands gripping my t-shirt in her fists. "I'm going to need you, Edward," she admitted softly, before she buried her face into me.

"I'll be right here, Baby."

A/N: Well isn't he just completely gorge? I kind of think he might be a little too sweet. IDK…