Sorry for this being so late but I flew on Wednesday and the time zone change just hit me! On that note, all updates will be four hours earlier than the usual time until January 3rd. Thanks!

~TLL~

Connor was just beginning to drift into wakefulness when Jude's alarm went off. It didn't scare him like before. He knew where he was. He opened his eyes and looked over at the closed curtains of Jude's bed. In his head, he ran through the list of things that he should have finished the night before, and was happy to come up with nothing he had missed. He had gotten his readings done. He had spoken to his father. There was nothing keeping this morning from being a good one. Connor took a deep breath and felt that to the core of his being. This morning was going to be a good morning.

He sat up and pushed his hand through his hair. Jude had pushed his bed curtains open and was rubbing his hands over his face. Connor liked how his boyfriend looked in the morning – with his short hair sticking up at strange angles and the way he yawned and stretched to wake himself up.

"Morning, baby. How'd you sleep?"

"Come here, please."

Connor hadn't been sure whether it would work or not. It would have earnt him a slap, at least, from his ex, because who was Connor to ask something like that? But Jude just meandered his way over to the couch, leaning his crossed arms against the back of it so that his face was near Connor's.

"Everything good?" Jude asked, shifting slightly. "I kind of have to pee."

Connor scrunched up his nose. He didn't like to think about Jude in the bathroom, even though he knew that Jude didn't mean anything by it. "I, um, I had a good night. And it feels like a good morning. I just … feel good. I wanted to share that with you."

"And I like that you shared that with me. I'm glad you feel good this morning. I worried about you, considering the last couple of times. But … I'm glad."

"Me too." Connor pressed a quick kiss to Jude's mouth, and decided that was one thing that he didn't like about Jude in the morning: his morning breath. He kept the thought to himself, though, and Jude headed off to the bathroom.

Connor stood from his couch bed, and folded the plaid blanket he was using. He returned his pillow to Jude's bed. He took off the long sleeved shirt he'd borrowed from Jude to sleep in, and put his t-shirt and button-up back on. He moved quickly, knowing that Jude couldn't spend an eternity in the bathroom. Still, he was in the kitchen and he had the coffee maker beginning to go when Jude emerged. Connor slipped into the bathroom and moved as quickly as possible. When he came back out, Jude had a cup of coffee waiting for him.

"Thank you," Connor said.

"No problem. So, are … are you staying or do you want to go back to your place when we're done?"

"Um. So, you would go and get something for breakfast?"

"Yeah. I'd go out and get something for us to eat. Drive around, waste some gas."

"That's not fair. I don't want to kick you out of your place."

"I don't mind."

"I can't do that to you." Connor's voice cracked.

"Okay, it's okay. I'll take you home when we were finish our coffee."

"Thank you." Connor smiled, but then he bit down on his lip. He didn't think that Jude would notice, and he was caught off-guard when Jude asked him what was wrong. "I was just thinking that breakfast with you would also be good. So, I don't know what I want."

"We can do all of it. I can drop you back off at your place, you can have your appointment, change your clothes, and then I can pick you up where you're done, and we can go out until your class."

"You'd do that for me?"

"I have a couple of things I want to do for you," Jude said.

Connor paused, his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. "W-w-wh-what kind of th-things?"

"First, I want to say, that if you feel comfortable, you can leave a change of clothes here. I'm not saying that because I want you to move in or something and I'm slowly working on it. It's just because you usually don't plan to stay here, and, I don't know. It might bother you to wear your clothes two days in a row. You just might want to be prepared. I just thought I'd bring it up, because … I want you to know you have the option. Or at least know you have the option."

"But it's one of those things where it's okay if I just think about it for a while?"

"Of course."

Connor nodded. He didn't know how he felt about leaving clothes here. Jude had already pointed out the biggest flaw that his brain would come up with, and that was that Jude was slowly trying to indoctrinate him into moving into the apartment. Logically, Connor didn't think that would ever happen. Jude had never really given any indication he'd want them to live together and, if he did, Connor knew he would have to run. It just wasn't the logical thing to do after only knowing each other for a couple of months.

"W-w-what's the others?" Connor asked. "Y-y-you s-s-said 'things'."

Jude nodded. He turned and opened one of the bottom drawers in his kitchen. It was full of junk, and Connor didn't see how Jude was able to sort through the tape measures, first aid kits, random, wrinkled envelopes, and rolls of tape that resided there. Finally, Jude resurfaced with a key in his hand, a small white puffball keychain attached to it.

"My spare key," Jude said.

Connor had guessed that.

"I really do want you to have it. If you're comfortable taking it. As you can see, I do the smart thing and leave it in my bottom drawer," Jude said. "Melanie has a key, so if I do screw up, she can always let me in too. It's just … I don't see this going badly any time soon. I see you spending more time here. And, I want to make sure you're comfortable. And so, I want you to know that you can come and go whenever you want. You have a key."

He had a key.

Connor put his mug down on the kitchen counter and gently took the key from Jude's hand, holding it by the silky, fuzzy key chain. He watched the single, silver key wave back and forth for a moment before he took both keychain and key tightly in his hand, bursting into tears as he did so. He tried to keep his feet underneath of him, but he collapsed to the floor, landing heavily on his knees.

"Connor? It's okay. It's okay."

Jude was right there on the floor with him.

"You don't have to take it. I thought it would be best, but, maybe it's like Halloween. Maybe I went too far in trying to protect you. It's okay, Connor. It really is."

That was why he was crying. Because everything was so okay. Because he had gone from someone like his ex-boyfriend to someone like Jude and the difference between the two left Connor breathless. He reached out his hands and Jude pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly.

"I want to keep the key, Jude," he whimpered. "I just … just can't believe you're a real person. And that I get to know you. I … I just can't."

He started to cry again, and Jude rocked them back and forth gently on the kitchen floor. He rubbed Connor's back. "How's that good feeling about today going?"

Connor made a choking sound that was supposed to be a laugh, and he tightened his grip on the key, feeling the ridges and grooves press into his fingers, while the soft keychain pressed into his palm. "Thank you."

"I'm here for you. And I'm also here to tell you that if you want to make it to your place and your appointment on time, we have to leave in, like, five minutes."

Connor nodded. "Okay. Okay." He took a deep breath and he pressed his head into Jude's shoulder. "Thank you."

"You already said that."

"It's for everything you've done since I met you. I … never could have dreamt someone like you. I still can't believe you're real."

"Maybe this is your psychotic break. Maybe I'm not real."

"Don't even joke!"

"Okay, I won't, I'm sorry." Jude's lips brushed Connor's forehead. "You know, baby, you're going to give me an ego."

"I … But you like what I say."

"Yes. Are you going to be okay?"

Connor nodded, though it was slow and a little hesitant. "I mean, I should be. I have a therapy appointment today."

Jude chuckled. "All right, that's true. And let's go so that we can get you there on time."

Connor buzzed about the apartment, quickly gathering the things that he'd let scatter a little and putting them into his bag. He slipped Jude's key on the university lanyard he had that held his dorm room key and his bike lock key and just stared down at it for a moment, feeling a grin spread over his face. But, then he bounced to the front door. He knew that he shouldn't take so long in doing things. He shouldn't make Jude wait. But Jude wasn't upset with him. No, of course he wasn't. That wasn't how Jude was.

"So, do you have any thoughts on what you want to eat?"

"You said breakfast."

"Yeah. I guess I should have said 'where'." Jude held the passenger side door open. "Have anywhere in mind?"

Connor shook his head as he slipped into the car. Jude closed the door behind Connor, and Connor felt happy at the small gesture. Jude didn't do things out of possessiveness. Jude did things so that he could be sweet and because he thought that Connor would like it. Jude smiled at him as they started to drive.

"Really, baby, anywhere that you might want to go."

"I don't know anywhere to go. The only place I can think of is that brunch place we went to before. But I don't know if you had somewhere else in mind or something. You know best."

Jude laughed at that. "That's not true. And, even if it were, I still want your opinion on things. It's like you said on Halloween – it's you and me, together, not just one of us running the show."

"Which is why you're my boyfriend."

Jude glanced over at him. "Are you saying that I'd never be your boyfriend if you didn't think I wanted it?"

Connor stretched out his hand and touched Jude's elbow. Jude's hand slipped from the steering wheel and he held Connor.

"I think," Connor said slowly, "that, yeah, eventually, I would want to call it that. I just think it would have taken me a lot longer."

"Do you hate it?" Jude asked, and he sounded insecure. To Connor, he sounded afraid, and Connor hated that.

"No, no. I don't hate it. I don't hate any part of what we are," Connor assured him. The thing that Connor hated was himself and his insecurities, and none of it had anything to do with Jude.

Jude squeezed his hand and then rubbed his thumb over the back of Connor's hand. Connor rested his head against the back of his seat and smiled, feeling light as they drove into the nano parking lot.

"Think about if there's somewhere you really want to go," Jude said. "If you can't think of somewhere, then we'll go to the brunch café, all right?"

"Okay," Connor agreed.

He turned toward the door, but then he spun back around to face Jude. He leant across the console, and Jude met him halfway. Their lips met and Connor grabbed the front of Jude's shirt, tugging at him. He felt his breath hitch as he realized what he'd done. But Jude wasn't about to get angry at him for wanting more; Jude was leaning into his hands. Connor almost wanted to forget that he had somewhere to be. He couldn't forget his responsibilities though, and Jude wasn't the type of person to make him brush off the things that he had to do, and they gave each other one last kiss.

"We can always just go back to my place and make out after your appointment," Jude offered.

Connor cracked a smile. "We'd both be too hungry."

"I see your point."

"We could take breakfast back to your place, though."

"And I like the way you think."

"I really need to go now, Jude."

"I know. I'll be back down here at eleven. But it's okay if you need to take another few minutes to get changed or something."

"Thanks, Jude. See you after."

"See you after!"

Connor headed inside with a smile on his face.

(-.-)

Jude carefully rotated his ankles along Gerald's floorboards, and then arched his back, trying to crack it. He checked the time; it was five after eleven. Connor should be down here any moment, and Jude hoped that he was happy after his therapy session. He had seemed okay this morning, even with the breakdown over the key. But it was a happy breakdown, Jude thought. Or, at least, as happy as a breakdown could be. He scratched at his wrist absently, and then he stared down at his own blank skin, thinking about Connor's scars.

He had scars on his left wrist and on his collarbone and on his thighs, and had hinted that there were more elsewhere. Jude wondered what it was like to have permanent scars of bad memories; he wondered if Connor ever felt a moment of peace inside of his head about it.

The car door opened and Jude jumped, feeling strangely guilty about his thoughts. He shouldn't ruminate on things like that; he should just wait for Connor to tell him. He knew that he had to treat Connor's past with kid gloves. He looked over at Connor, who was carefully closing the car door.

"I'm sorry I'm so late," he said anxiously.

"Baby, it's seven minutes past eleven. And I told you that you could take a few minutes to get changed."

Connor had. He was wearing a black t-shirt, with a green and blue button up, with dark red jeans, and he was so casually beautiful that Jude didn't want to keep his hands away from him. Connor was chewing on his bottom lip, though, a sure sign that he was thinking of something heavily, and Jude treaded carefully.

"How was Dr. Scott?"

"Good … Good. She was good. We talked about Jake. About crowds. Sometimes I don't do too well with those, but … it's less of a problem than most things. The thing that would be a big problem would be … if I were uncomfortable, making myself tell Jake. Because we all know I wouldn't. She … She said it might not be a bad idea to see, you know, if you weren't busy … to, um, call me at half-half t-time or something? To-to check up on me?" Connor ducked his head and blushed. "She likes you."

"I can absolutely call you at halftime."

"Only if you're not busy! If you and Taylor are doing something, then you don't need to worry about it! Don't feel like you have to!"

"Baby, I know I don't have to. It's just a five minute phone call. I promise I won't stop what I'm doing to call you, all right? But if I'm doing something where I can talk to you, then I'll call."

Connor slowly let out a breath. "That … sounds reasonable."

Jude reached out with one hand to caress Connor's bicep. He watched a hint of a smile creep onto Connor's face and he felt his heart lift. Connor seemed to be an easy sort of happy.

"And," Connor continued, "I think I'd like to go to the brunch place we went to before."

"Yeah, we can do that."

"But, I'd like to go back to your place with food."

"All right," Jude said, turning to face the front and starting the car. "Any reason why?"

"I don't think I'll ever be comfortable kissing you in public," Connor said simply.

"You want to kiss me?" Jude teased.

"You know I like kissing you. I … I like being with you. I like everything we do together." Connor hesitated. "M-m-m-maybe not my crying parts. But, uh, sometimes even those. Because I trust you. And I can be that way with you. And that means something to me."

Jude took one of Connor's hands as they drove.

"You know what I like about you, Jude?"

"My charm?"

Connor laughed. "That too. I just … I'm not scared of you. I can tell you … what I like and what I want and not internally start screaming over it. And, I can touch you and you can touch me and I like it. And I can be a real person with you and not … the victim that I was," Connor whispered. "I like how you make me feel and I like how I feel about you and I … want you to know that."

Connor was playing with his fingers, and Jude tightened one hand against the wheel of the car. His breath tangled in his throat. "You're so special, baby."

"Hmm."

"Hmm?"

"Hmm," Connor repeated again. He rested his head against the back of the seat, and Jude glanced at him anxiously. But Connor was smiling. "This is what it feels like to be happy, Jude."

"That's all I want for you."

"You don't always have to be so selfless."

"Well, I'd like for you to be happy with me," Jude said. "But, you know, I do care about you enough to want you to be happy, no matter what happens with me."

Connor didn't say anything, but Jude felt his boyfriend looking at him. He carefully parked in the café and turned off the car, and he turned to face Connor. "What?"

"That," Connor said, "is exactly what I'm happy with you."

"Let's go get breakfast," Jude said.

Connor followed him out of the car, and they ordered quickly. They lingered at a small table while their order cooked, and Connor leant on the table. Jude mimicked the position.

"What are you thinking?" Connor murmured. "If … If I can ask."

"What I'm always thinking about when I'm looking at you."

"I don't know what that is," Connor admitted.

"Your eyes. I really love looking into your eyes. And," Jude shrugged a little, "I think about running my hands through your hair sometimes. But I try not to bring that up because I know it'll make you uncomfortable."

"But you won't try."

"No. Not without your permission, anyway. But that's totally up to you whether that ever happens."

"Up to me," Connor repeated. He pressed this thumb into the table top.

"And your hair looks great today, baby."

"I … only brushed it a little. I spent the night on your couch."

"I remember. I was there too," Jude teased. "Uh. Well, I was kind of there."

A waitress appeared at the side of the table with two to-go containers carefully wrapped up.

"And I liked that you were there," Connor said.

"And I like you. Come on, I'm starving. What about you?"

"Yeah, I'm a little hungry."

They stood up from the table, and Jude slid his arm around Connor's waist as they walked out to the car, and Jude was glad to see the grin on Connor's face spread. He didn't know if someone's smile had ever meant quite this much to him before, and he just wanted to kiss him. But, he knew patience was a virtue, and so he held Connor's door open for him, and handed him the food. Connor held it carefully on his lap.

"Jude?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Do you think we could eat outside? I was just thinking that it's really nice out today and your apartment can get kind of dark."

"Your wish is my command," Jude said.

He circled around the side of the car and got in, driving quickly back to his apartment. When they arrived, he quickly grabbed the small side table that lived outside, and then he ducked inside of his apartment to grab an old beach towel to use as a faux tablecloth.

"Donald Duck?" Connor asked when it was spread over the table.

"This is a classy establishment."

Connor laughed and he put the containers on the table. "I can go get drinks or forks or whatever if you want me to."

"Come help me carry things, anyway. Please, baby?"

Connor put the food down. "I would have helped you without the cutesy please."

Jude bit his lip, and then he grabbed the sides of Connor's button-up, tugging at him gently. He saw Connor's expression change.

"Please, baby?"

"Did you just … flutter your eyelashes at me?" Connor laughed.

"Maybe." Jude tugged on Connor again, so that he was pulled into the apartment. "I thought you wanted to kiss me?"

"I do."

They were just inside the door, and Jude felt Connor's hand brush his face. Then, Connor gently cupped his chin and kissed him; Jude thought it might have been the most initiation Connor had done. He slid his hand around Connor's waist and pulled him even more forward.

"The food's going to get cold," Connor whispered.

"I have a microwave," Jude reminded him.

"Okay."

Jude's back pressed against the wall and Connor tipped over, catching his hands on either side of Jude.

"Oops."

He peered up at Jude, and Jude was taken off guard by how close he was. He knew Connor had never been pressed against him like this and Connor was just staring up at him. Jude ducked his head to kiss him, and Connor stretched to kiss him back. Jude's hands found Connor's waist, under his button up, and Jude couldn't keep his fingers from wandering across Connor's abs. Jude's breath quickened as Connor's fingers tangled in his hair to pull him closer. Jude pulled Connor as tightly to him as he dared, but Connor didn't tense in his arms like Jude had feared. When he brushed his fingers across Connor's abs again, though, a loud grumble emerged.

"Hungry?" Jude teased.

"A little," Connor admitted, slightly bashful.

"Then let's actually get drinks and stuff this time."

"Sounds good."

Connor didn't particularly look happy about standing up, and that made Jude laugh.

"We can kiss after breakfast too," Jude promised, following Connor into the kitchen. "I'm going to want to."

"I just like kissing you. I like being with you." Connor smiled, and he carried their glasses and some utensils out the door.

Jude grabbed syrup for his pancakes, some butter, and a jar of mango jam that Taylor had bought on a whim for him. It was the only thing jam he had for toast, though, and he carried it out the door. When he sat down, he grinned. Connor had plucked a few daisies from the lawn and placed them on the table. Jude picked one up.

"He loves me, he loves me not?" Jude asked, twirling the daisy between his fingers.

Connor shrugged. "You know how you can have two thoughts about something?"

"Like what?"

"Like how I can think that saying love is a game like seems a little dumb or naïve because someone being in love with you should be obvious and it shouldn't be a question, but I can also think that love is awful like that, in that you can never really know what anyone but yourself is thinking."

Jude paused. "Do you really think love is awful?"

Connor didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"All love?"

"No. I know good love exists. But the moment I get involved, the moment someone loves me, then something terrible is about to happen. So, I guess that means that I'm awful."

"Oh, baby, you're not awful."

Connor tapped his finger against the tines of his fork. "Can we not talk about it? I mean, it's a good day and I don't want to talk about past things and, really, neither of us are in love or are ever going to be in love, so what does it matter?" he babbled.

"We don't have to talk about it. Is your food still warm?"

Connor nodded.

They lapsed into safer topics, like the upcoming weekend. Jude was glad that Connor was starting to look forward to going to the basketball game with Jake, rather than just looking at the whole thing with trepidation. They talked about Connor's thoughts on his class that afternoon, and Jude drove him when it was time for him to go to class. When Jude got back to his apartment, he picked up one of the daisies that was still laying on the patio.

He stared down at it, and then slowly began to pluck the petals off.

"He loves me, he loves me not," he murmured over and over again. Until, finally, "he loves me not."

He closed his eyes and threw the stem into the grass that desperately needed to be mowed. Connor was right. The game was dumb.

The chapter's title is after the song Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~