A/N: Another one down...

Chapter 31

Photographs

Bella's POV

"Where's Alice?" Nummi inquired, her brow creasing a little.

"Talking on her phone," I answered quietly,

"She can talk to Jazz all day," Edward added with a small smirk.

"I think I heard her come back in a few minutes ago," Carol added, just as Alice appeared in the doorway.

"Did I miss anything?" she asked brightly.

"Just your brother playing jackaroo." Carol chuckled.

Alice gazed over at Edward and raised a dubious eyebrow before her gaze rested on me and—like Nummi and Rach—her expression fell with concern.

I sighed inwardly.

Edward went to have a shower, appearing twenty minutes later, his hair damp and unruly.

Alice had been telling Rach and Nummi about Jazz, Emmett and Rose while I sat content just to listen. It made me realise that the only thing that would untangle me from this agony was that I could return home to Forks; the one place that had ever truly felt truly like home to me. It was Kel who made me realise that my place in this world wasn't with her but with my father's family. She was selfless to the end; protecting me to the end; putting her feelings aside to see me happy. To the very end.

When Edward rejoined us, we went back outside to watch Alice ride one of Nummi's horses; something Nummi had promised her the night before. But before we left the patio, Carol called us back in.

"Kel's mum left some albums here for you girls to look at when you were ready. I'm about to make a pot of tea, so if you want to settle down and go through them, they're in the lounge room."

There was a reluctance behind Rach and Nummi's expressions. A reluctance at the inevitable pain that seeing them would create. It was a pain that I was instinctively recoiling from but knew it was something I had to do. We all had to get passed that final hurdle of acceptance that she was gone and never returning. It was something I had to realise, especially since I was the only one absent when she died.

The moment Rach turned the first yellowing page of the photo album, the stranglehold of guilt that I was suffering with temporarily gave way to undeniable heartbreak.

Every picture showed Kel young, beautiful and vibrant, smiling for the camera, and full of life; from newborn baby pictures of her to the final picture of her. It was one I hadn't seen before; her year eleven school photo. In it she was smiling, oblivious to the fact that her life was about to be cut short.

And in almost every photo of her there appeared a doe eyed girl, expression downcast despite the smile that sometimes occurred on her face. Messy, wild hair, dirty clothes and with bruises appearing intermittently; this girl was always there.

I found myself staring at her, knowing she was me, but not altogether recognising her as such. But there I was, a pivotal part of Kel's life, of Kel's family, haunting the outskirts and tainting it with my miserable existence.

In one photo I appeared beside Kel, holding a teddy bear with a beaming, proud expression almost camouflaging the bruise that discoloured my forehead.

The noose of pain around my heart squeezed. I gasped a little, my tears blurring the picture into waves. I remembered it so clearly. It was a few days before Christmas and while Renee was at work, the postman had delivered a package addressed to me from The General. I had been so excited that I'd run all the way to Kel's, wanting to share opening it with her. Kel had been so happy for me, and she insisted that her mother come and take a photo of me and ... Edward the bear.

I closed my eyes as tears slipped beneath my lashes, running the length of my face, before they quietly fell to my chest where the pain burning within intensified.

A hand caught mine and held tightly to it, but I barely registered it. Even when Nummi, openly crying, wrapped her arm around me, I felt nothing but the crushing pain; its relentlessness immune to her touch.

Rach turned page after page of Kel's life before us. She and Nummi laughed openly and fondly through their tears at certain pictures, but I remained locked within the consuming anguish and guilt of her death.

Here, between these pages was the proof that I was a part of Kel's family, taken under wing by all of them. Protected when my mother could have killed me; fed when she didn't feed me; clothed when I tore through the rags I was dressed in; loved when the one I craved it from most denied it from me. And when they needed support in return, I had stayed selfishly away. Caught up in the drama of whether the boy I sat next to in Biology class had kissed some girl at a party. Even when his accident impressed the dire situation of Kel's predicament, I was selfishly unmoved. I didn't want to return, and I couldn't get past myself to be there for Kel and her family.

Kel was the very reason I had those ridiculous bloody dramas. Kel was the reason I'd moved to Forks; the reason I'd reconnected with Uncle Billy and Jacob and met Edward and Alice. And once there I'd turned my back on her. She'd saved my life, literally, and I'd deliberately left her in the past and out of my life.

I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers rigid, my breathing tight and restricted.

How could I have left her to die without me?

The guilt was ripping my soul to pieces; tearing open a hole in my chest, to endure alone the horrible reality that now stood before me, because Kel was gone. Never to appear at my bedroom window, take me by the hand and lead me home again.

She was gone.

The hand gripping mine released me before I was pulled against a warm body, encircled in an equally warm pair of arms. I looked up and met Edward's gaze through the tears that blurred my vision. For the first time that I had known him, the sight of his all-consuming gaze made my heart freeze.

He was staring down at me with a flood of emotions igniting through his eyes, his forehead knotting it further into emphasis. I only stared back, feeling a cold dread run through my veins as I realised the reasoning behind the painfully disturbed and suddenly angry expression that was starting to encompass his face.

He had witnessed my past in the photo albums.

He'd seen the childhood that I had left behind, never intending to ever relive. He'd seen the unloved, battered pitiful state that I was, and the bruises that had littered my skin-and-bone body. These pictures had left me exposed and vulnerable; my past laid out for him to see. As he gazed into my eyes with shock turning the hue of his iris dark, he was seeing directly into my soul. He now knew the full extent of my past, my wretched sordid life which I had never, ever intended for him to know.

The girl I had left behind had finally caught up with me.

And now, Edward Cullen knew it all.

I broke his gaze as panic began to overwhelm me.

Edward knew.

His gaze seemed to draw back to the pictures and as he absorbed the images there, his brow furrowed deeper, before it gave way to the evident anger that was burning behind his eyes. I looked at the picture that had grabbed his attention. It was one of the four of us when we were about nine years old. We were sitting on the perimeter fence to Kel's family's property. Kel had her arm draped over my shoulder, and her, Rach and Nummi were all smiling broadly for the camera, while I was staring blankly at my hands that were clasped between my knees. My hair was falling in my face and over my shoulders, almost disguising the fact that my arm held a long welt; clear even in the photo of the four of us in full length.

My mother had beaten me with a riding crop the day before.

When Edward turned back to me, he was suddenly appearing very volatile.

"Bella..." he whispered, his voice completely stricken, but at the same time, he looked angry.

He knew too much. It wasn't something that I could keep buried within me anymore. Alice and Edward were the only ones who were untouched by my previous life, and I had wanted it to remain that way. I wanted to have a life where Renee's contamination couldn't reach me.

My heart was beginning to accelerate with more and more panic. I looked up again at Edward; his eyes were absorbing the pictures as emotion continued to flood his expression. He was never going to see me the same way again.

I would forever be the girl from those photographs to him.

Damn it! Why had I allowed him and Alice to come?

I pulled from him, roughly, in my haste to get out of there and away from him.

Pushing open the screen door, I let it swing back with a loud bang, before running helplessly down the long dirt driveway. I stopped only when I was out of breath, realising that my lung capacity had long been compromised by the presence of my tears.

Edward and Alice seeing those pictures of me—it was inconceivable. More than that, them seeing how important I was in Kel's life, and knowing that when she was sick and dying I had remained in Forks, too busy worrying about my own survival.

It was incomprehensible!

I leaned myself over the log fence, trying to rein in the sobs, to take an even breath; to numb the raging pain and guilt that was consuming me. I sank to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, having surrendered myself to the tears and the sheer wretched hopelessness I felt.

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps scraping along the gravel, drawing closer to me. A moment later Nummi sat herself beside me and gently wrapped her arm over my shoulder, pulling me against her.

I just shook my head, not wanting her to leave, but because I had no words to express myself. No words that could undo what I did to Kel, and no words to express the sheer heartbreak and pain I felt because of it.

She was gone. Gone, and it was all too late now to make things right.

"I can't ... Nummi..." I sobbed, as the tears spilled freely down my face; the pain was becoming unendurable.

Nummi sighed, deeply, helplessly and nodded her head in resignation, before she kissed the side of my forehead.

"They weren't—he wasn't ... supposed to see—to know!" I raised my voice, more coherent this time as my chest heaved with growing panic.

Edward seeing! Edward knowing!

"Hey," she began softly, with a gentle sternness, "you have no idea how angry Edward is, inside now. He's a good bloke, Bells, and Alice too. Don't shut them out."

"He should be angry at me!" I yelled out in wretched frustration. I looked up from Nummi's shoulder and shook my head again—at my own deplorable, selfishness. "How can any of you even look at me? After what I did to her—how?"

Her brow creased in confusion before she shook her head a little. "Bella"—she never called me Bella. To Nummi I had always been Bells; she was the one who had given me that nickname—"you being here again wouldn't have saved her." Her voice broke a fraction before she stubbornly pushed it aside and continued. "After you left, Kel said to all of us that under no circumstance were we to make you come back. You were free Bells, and none of us—her especially—wanted you back here."

But I found no comfort in her words; as much as I desperately, selfishly craved it, because it wasn't just under any circumstance that I stayed away. I should have caught the first plane out to be by her side. She'd saved my life enough times that I should have put all my bullshit with my mother behind me to be with her.

Even if it was just to say goodbye.

"She was dying, Nummi," I whispered. I fought back the tears; my forehead ached with them, but I refused to cry any more. As much as their release gave me some peace, I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve self-pity, and I sure as hell didn't deserve Edward's.

"Bells ..." she broke off and huffed, becoming frustrated, "don't do this to yourself. What happened to Kel..." she abandoned the sentence and gazed at me with a pleading behind her eyes.

I didn't want to hurt her, or cause her more pain, but I knew I didn't deserve the allowances they were all giving me.

"I used to dream of her, Nummi," I admitted ashamedly. "I knew deep down she wasn't going to make it, and I wouldn't accept it. I didn't want to come back here." I broke my gaze from hers and dropped my head, letting my eyes rest on the ground. "I so badly want to see her just one more time, but I can't—and it's no more than I deserve."

"Bella—bloody hell! Do you think she would want you beating yourself up like this?" Her frustration was turning to anger. She turned away from me and shook her head to herself. "You have always blamed yourself for everything." It was rare when Nummi was actually angry with me, but I still would have preferred it—anything to ease the pain of this guilt.

"I know she wouldn't, but that just makes it worse—it makes me feel worse!" I Exclaimed. I took a shaky, wavering breath. The grief, the pain, the guilt—all of it was inundating me. I was beginning to feel like I was drowning.

She sighed again, taking a giant breath in and expelling her frustration out with it. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and she opened her mouth to reply, but quickly shut it again. In the end, she merely nodded in understanding.

I rubbed at the pressure in my forehead, wanting a release from this pain so desperately.

"It's killing me, Nummi," I whispered, the emotion compromising my voice.

She stood abruptly, pulling me to my feet with her. "Come on."

She began leading me back towards the house, but I immediately felt myself tense, resisting. "Nummi, please. I can't ... face them yet."

"Bells, if I don't take you in now Edward's gonna come out here. Don't shut him out, okay? He has some serious feelings for you. Besides, the person he knows isn't the girl in the photos anymore." She turned back and smiled at me earnestly, gently.

"I didn't want him to know that girl—or Alice," I admitted, huffing brashly. I felt my face cloud at the idea of Renee in any way contaminating my life now, as a newly forgotten anger rose slowly to the surface; pushing all the emotion—all the pain—back.

"Bells, sooner or later you have to let people in enough to know your past. Alice and Edward are great. They came here to support you—they obviously know you have a pretty shitty history here. You can't run from it. You can't pretend it never happened." She pulled me closer to her, before slinging her arm over my shoulder and squeezing me.

I smiled at her warmly, sighing deeply, begrudgingly, and half shrugging. "Yeah ... I know," I mumbled.

"You okay to hang with Edward and Alice, or do you want to hang out in my room for a bit?" she asked me, with the same undiluted concern.

If I knew one thing, it was that what I lacked in parents, I made up for in friends. Nummi, Rach and Kel, and now Edward and Alice; though, with Edward, the lines of friendship we shared was becoming increasingly blurred. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasiness I felt over him seeing those pictures, over him knowing so much of my past, so soon.

. . .

When I walked beside Nummi back into the living room, I immediately met Edward's anxious gaze as he rose from the sofa. I smiled lightly to reassure him, hoping to restore even a little of his confidence in me. He broke into a tender smile, while lines of worry still continued to etch his forehead—right before I was literally engulfed by Alice as she threw her arms around me.

"Bella!" she whispered, her hushed tone alarmed, as her over anxious concern threatened to unleash another round of weariness on me.

"I'm okay, Als," I replied, clearing my throat softly. I still felt like shit with the flu after all.

When I untangled myself from Alice, I met Rach's steady deep blue eyes. She was evaluating me like she usually did, and when she saw that all was okay with me, she smiled. It quickly turned to a smirk as her eyes fell on Alice. "Are we gonna get Alice on a horse, or what? I don't know about you guys, but I'm curious to see how they react to her hyperactivity."

Edward snorted, but Alice only laughed good-naturedly.

"How does Jazz keep up with you?" Nummi asked, teasing her.

"Him, keep up with me? Are you serious, he tires me out," was Alice's reply, to which Edward immediately groaned, only half beneath his breath.

"That's actually a little scary," Rach said with a half laugh, leading Alice out of the room, when Carol entered.

"Darl, do you mind popping down to the general store and getting a few things?" she asked Nummi, handing her the fifty-dollar bill she was pulling from her wallet.

"Uh—yeah," Nummi turned to me. "Bells, you wanna come?"

A slight ripple of panic made its way through me at the idea of venturing out and running into people. But I quickly consoled myself with the knowledge that Renee never went to the store to buy groceries. She ate at the bar when she wasn't feeding herself her liquid diet, and she rarely, if ever, fed me.

I nodded, forcing the alarm bells to the background. "Yeah, sure."

I turned to gauge Edward's reaction to a trip to the shops, when his deep voice spoke up. "Uh ... do you mind if I come too? I …" he broke off, bringing his hand to his mouth to clear his throat self-consciously, "need a toothbrush."

Nummi scoffed at him teasingly. "Of course you can come."

Carol gave her a list of items to buy and we headed out the door to the 4WD that John had picked us up in the day before.

As soon as Edward was within reach of me, I grabbed his hand. I was beginning to tremble and no amount of telling myself that I was overreacting lessened it.

He pulled me close to him and glanced down at me; his gaze still looked stricken. He didn't say anything, but he exhaled deeply; I felt it more than heard it. It was long and weary, something he was masking from me.

He'd just seen the wretched proof of my past, and I knew it was still affecting him, but knowing how much he'd seen made me feel almost alien to him—exposed.

. . .

The centre of town was about a fifteen-minute drive away; the general store being just on the outskirts. Nothing had changed in the several months I'd been gone, but then I didn't expect it to change much over the next century.

As we walked through the doors, we passed a few people. I knew every face that smiled down at me with empathy, but in general they were more curious about Edward than they were me. It made it less awkward for me and Edward seemed oblivious to it.

While Nummi busied herself putting item after item from her mother's grocery list into the shopping basket, Edward went in search of a toothbrush. I trailed after Nummi, being completely taken aback by my familiar surroundings. It was almost deja vu, as though I had come here in a dream. I had so many memories of stopping by after school to buy myself dinner with the money The General had been sending me, or stealing food when I was younger when Renee controlled my money. I realised when I was older that the shopkeeper knew all along, and the day I left for the U.S. I'd sent him a card with a one hundred dollar bill inside; paying back everything I'd stolen.

"You forgot the olive oil, Nums," I said to her peering over her shoulder as she checked off the items.

"Shoot! So I did."

"Hang on, I'll get it," I said simply, before going through a couple of aisles in search of it.

Nummi's mum liked the spray stuff and as luck would have it they seemed to be out. I pushed a few bottles aside in search.

"A-ha! One left," I mumbled to myself in triumph.

"BELLA!" Nummi called out to me suddenly, her tone rigid with alarm.

With confusion, I turned in the direction of her voice and found myself staring into the cold, unforgiving eyes of my mother.

I completely froze, my breath hitching involuntarily, the blood draining from my face. It didn't seem real. I felt like I was gazing at the monster that lived in my closet. Only she was more terrifying than anything I could conjure in my mind.

Seeing my fear, Renee sneered and made her way over to me, slowly, with deliberate intimidation; keeping her eyes locked with mine. I began trembling, clutching the bottle of spray oil in a feeble attempt to stop it. My flight instincts were screaming in my ears, but I couldn't move. I was frozen to the spot while my heart began to hammer so hard I felt it resounding in my temples.

"Well ... well ... well..." she drawled. "Look who finally showed her face."

In the next instant she slapped me. I didn't immediately register it, or the stinging pain behind it. Rather I heard the high-pitched sound of it ringing in my ears and echoing through the store as my head was flung to the side; my hair obscuring my vision.

Grabbing me by the arm, she pulled me aggressively to her. "How dare you fucking ignore me after I raised your useless arse—alone. And now—because of you—your little friend is dead!"

I squeezed my eyes closed, cringing away from her while the stale, distant smell of alcohol on her breath brought back an avalanche of memories. They came rushing back to me with a force more potent than her blow, and I felt myself instinctively shrink away.

"Let me go..." I uttered feebly, when without warning I was ripped from her grip and encircled roughly in a pair of arms.

Edward!

I pushed my face into his chest and felt the vibrating energy as he all but growled, low and full of rage.

"Back-the-fuck-off!"

"My, my," I heard Renee's arrogant response. "My daughter must be a good little whore if you followed her all the way here."

I tore from Edward's arms, stumbling blindly in my absolute panic and haste to get away. Nummi practically caught me, her arms supporting me as I fled the store.

"Don't you dare listen to her, Bella!" she practically yelled at me, her tone stern.

I stopped suddenly and looked over to her. I was standing on the other side of the street with her and Edward before me, their hands rose as if I was a frightened horse about to bolt. Edward's eyes were alight with dismay; in fact, his entire face was flooded with it.

My heart was hammering behind my ribs so much so my lungs struggled to keep up. I just gazed at them, trying to rein in my breath while my mind struggled to process what had just happened.

Alice and Edward. The two people that epitomised my new life, now infected by her. My two worlds colliding! Another nightmare becoming reality.

Edward and Renee!

Dropping my head, I let my eyes close in resignation, with a sudden and complete helplessness.

I was never going to escape her.

I raised my hands to the sides of my face, my fingers running into my hair, my palms pressing against my temples. I wanted to rip my skin from my face, wishing I could rid my mind of the events that had just taken place. I was mortified by it—by her. Ashamed of my past and knowing there was truth behind her words.

With my eyes squeezed shut, a clarity began to settle over me. For a brief moment, I felt calm as the adrenalin coursing within me faded. But behind it was a tsunami of emotion that immediately engulfed me as the reality of what had just happened began to centre on me. It flooded through me with a horrible certainty that it had happened with Edward metres from me.

I shook my head back and forth, over and over suddenly angry. Angry that I just stood there, weak and feeble. Angry that I said absolutely nothing. Angry that she was still affecting my life, and I was powerless to stop it.

I suddenly felt like I was going to implode. My chest began heaving, my lungs struggling, inundated against the rapid intake of air. I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes as the first sob erupted from me; even as I fought against it.

I continued to shake my head, beginning to feel the tender sting where my mother had slapped my cheek. She had a goddamn fucking master's degree in face slapping.

"GOD DAMN IT!" I burst out.

"Bella, sweetie. It's okay." It was Edward. His voice was soft now, gentle and full of caution.

The sobs came in a rush, and again I was caught between them and breathing—and failing at both. I looked up at him, my chest lunging in and out as I fought back the tears and struggled to gain control of my rationality; to see things clearly, to not let her destroy me again.

"No!" I choked out. "It's not okay—IT'S NOT OKAY!"

"Bells, calm down, please." Nummi. She only stared at me, as panic began to ingrain on her face.

"I'M FINE. There's nothing wrong with me—I'm f—" I broke off as the tears got the better of me. I began to pace, fighting the sobs back and shaking my head repeatedly. Trying in vain to get on top of this, to not allow her to reduce me to this; to be strong for the first goddamn time in my fucking life!

Edward pulled me against him again, but I couldn't bare it. My skin was absolutely crawling with her and I wanted to rip it from my bones. I shoved him off me. "Don't touch me, Edward! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

He grabbed my hand and immediately pulled me back to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella!" There was conviction behind his tone; something I wanted to absorb and empower me. I had Edward and Alice Cullen on my side.

Why the hell didn't that matter?

I just shook my head and pulled my hand from his grip. I was quickly coming undone and I couldn't stop the tide of it from taking me. I was in full Renee mode now, and Edward had a front row seat to witness it.

And I couldn't bear it.

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little. I gazed up at him; his eyes were intense and resolute. Eyes that saw Renee; knew Renee.

"Just listen to me. I'm right here. You're okay," he spoke softly to me; his was tone serious, but completely overrun with the same panic as Nummi's.

I tore my face away as a flood of fresh tears hit me. I shoved myself from him again and buried my face in my hands, wanting to grab my hair and tear it out.

"I don't want you here, Edward!" I choked out, my voice pitifully muffled and compromised by the tears. But it didn't make it any less valid; I meant it. I couldn't stand the fact that he was here, in this horrible little town with me. It was unbearable.

"Bells, come on," Nummi pleaded with me.

I looked up abruptly, then turned from Nummi to Edward, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Get him away from me, Nummi!"

He took a step toward me, apprehensively.

"Bella ... you can't get rid of me that easily." His voice remained determined, but it began to waver.

I could see the injured look behind his eyes; he was hurt. But it didn't deter me because it was better that he wasn't here to be affected by any of it. To be contaminated by Renee, to see what she reduced me to. To see who I really was.

"You don't get it, Edward. You shouldn't be here—I don't WANT you here—you or Alice! GET ON A GOD DAMN FUCKING PLANE AND GO HOME," I yelled at him, full of seething rage now, but I was faltering and I knew I couldn't keep it up. My hands were shaking, and every muscle in my body was beginning to quake.

My nightmare with Renee had continued, and now it involved Edward. It made my skin literally crawl. He was never supposed to know this side of me, and I could not be with him now that he did. I would endure Renee all over again, but I could not have Edward be a part of it.

I stared into his eyes one last time. He stared back, holding my gaze, below his furrowed brow, while his eyes steadily became pained and conflicted.

I turned away and fled. I didn't know where I was going, or why. Just that I had to escape my mother, this town, my existence—and Edward knowing all of it.

I continued running, my lungs burning; my heart pounding in sync with my clumsy footsteps that hit the dry planed earth. Away from him, from her and from the fact that the only one who could ever pull me back from my mother's toxic clutches was dead.

In the forefront of my mind, Edward's intense, consuming eyes, stared straight into my soul, with the unfathomable knowledge that for the first time he was seeing me.

A/N: Oye, go easy on Bella, and thanks for reading.