A/N: Happy Halloween. I'm sorry this is so very, very late. I got really bad migraines two weekends running, which doesn't go well when weekends are your main writing time. Also, I'm writing some of the bits of this story I personally find trickier at this point in time.

Given current expectations, and especially given my expectation regarding the next few weeks, I'm going to go ahead and say to expect three weeks between this update and the next. Please bear with me, guys!

My beta's only seen half of this, and frankly, it's not the half I'm worried about. Please pardon mistakes in the second half and if I need to edit later, please forgive that too.

Chapter 44

In the end, Tsuyoshi had coaxed his son into going to visit Watson, because it was clear that the very act of speaking with Tsuyoshi was stressful for him at the moment. Honestly, being in the house seemed to be stressful for him.

It was like every bit of progress he'd made with Hakuba since the day they'd first met had vanished. Saguru was thin and sickly-looking, flinching and pointedly avoiding his gaze and carrying himself as though he expected to be attacked. It hurt to see his son like this.

But he'd always seemed more at ease around Watson. Never incautious; he'd always respected the fact that his chosen pet was a bird of prey that could easily injure or even maim a human under certain circumstances. But Saguru never seemed ill at ease around her, just quietly, carefully respectful, as if dealing with a particularly delicate piece of art, or speaking with a very high ranking superior.

It was the same now. They'd gone out back, to the mew built out on the grounds for Watson back when they'd first gotten her, though only Saguru had ventured inside. He was murmuring to Watson now, in a mix of English and Japanese, with what Tsuyoshi thought might be French mixed in as well. Watson herself likely wasn't particularly concerned with the noise her master was making, but he'd also brought her food, and he was stroking her head as he spoke, so she seemed content enough.

"He really is good with her," Kaito said. He'd followed them out without really being invited, but Saguru hadn't seemed to mind, and so Tsuyoshi hadn't commented. "Though I guess I wouldn't expect anything else."

"Oh?" Tsuyoshi remarked, glancing at him.

"Well, he's a perfectionist about everything else, so why would the bird be an exception?" Kaito asked, grinning back, smile wide and bright and just a bit off.

"I suppose she wouldn't be," Tsuyoshi said, studying him.

This was, after all, his son's prime suspect for the Kaitou KID. Tsuyoshi himself...well, he was loathe to doubt his son, but at the same time, his theory stretched credibility. He rather thought Saguru was correct to think that this KID was a different person than the first, but to say that it was a boy of Saguru's age...it was ridiculous. KID's skills as a magician surpassed most in the profession, even if they were being misused; a teenager simply wasn't old enough to have that level of skill. Never mind the fact that Saguru had explained to him the presence of snipers on some of the heists, and KID's ability to dodge them. The man's abilities were beyond those of a high school student, and that was all there was to the situation.

At most, Kaito was connected somehow-an assistant, a relative, perhaps even the new KID's intended successor. But Tsuyoshi really couldn't believe that KID was actually a teenager.

Kaito's smile turned a little crooked. "He...might be a little worse about that, for the next few weeks."

Tsuyoshi raised an eyebrow and waited.

"He, uh, he thinks he messed up," Kaito said. "And, I mean...well, it's not like him leaving was good, but that's not…" Kaito ran a hand through his hair, and lowered his voice slightly. "Look, no one made him leave, but he didn't exactly make that decision with his head on straight, so it's not the kind of thing that's worth holding against him."

And here was another attempt at shielding his son from him. He really was beginning to wonder about that behavior. Was it simple protectiveness, or was there some reason that Kaito was so easily wary?

"I certainly don't plan to," Tsuyoshi said.

"Good," Kaito said, with a little nod. His gaze strayed back to Saguru, whose attention was still absorbed by Watson.

"We can take care of him from here, you know," Tsuyoshi said.

Kaito flinched, just slightly, though his expression didn't shift. "Am I that obvious?"

"I can understand not wanting to let him out of your sight," Tsuyoshi said gently.

"Yeah," Kaito said quietly.

"But I think we owe you enough by now," Tsuyoshi said. "I still have no idea how you boys got to London, but given that you ended up back here with Saguru a few days after Hashimoto-san texted me, I'm guessing that the matter of finding my son was a bit more complex than you've let on."

Kaito flushed. "It wasn't that big a deal-and if you could keep the 'London' part to yourself, would you mind doing it? It could cause trouble for the others if it got out that we were that far away."

"I don't like the idea of helping children lie to their guardians," Tsuyoshi said. "I'm aware that Conan-kun didn't tell the Mouris where he went."

"His parents are okay with him doing things like this," Kaito said. "They knew about it."

"I can't say I approve of that sort of attitude," Tsuyoshi replied.

Kaito shrugged.

"Though, speaking of parents, will your mother be missing you?" Tsuyoshi asked.

Kaito's next shrug was even less enthusiastic. "She texted me this morning, and I texted back; she knows I'm fine."

"She knows more about his wellbeing than usual," Saguru amended, startling them both with his approach. He smiled at Tsuyoshi. "Thank you, for taking care of Watson, in my absence, and for the chance to visit with her. It was good, to see her."

"Good," Tsuyoshi said. "Would you prefer to stay outside for a bit longer, or are you ready to return inside?"

Saguru actually smiled, just slightly. "I believe I will be setting myself up for a scolding by Kuroba-san if I don't go inside and ask Baaya for something to eat. We've not had anything since breakfast."

"Is that my cue to head home?" Kaito asked.

"I believe it is my saying that I should be all right without you hovering like one of your doves," Saguru said. "But you do have the option of stopping at a restaurant or eating at the Nakamori house."

Kaito shook his head. "No to the second option. If I eat there, either I have to lie like a rug or you get a bunch of visitors later tonight." He grinned, though it was a little too broad for the situation. "I might just need to face the music."

"Are you going to be in trouble with your mother for going to look for Saguru?" Tsuyoshi asked, alarmed.

"Nah, she gave me permission for that," Kaito said. "But...we fought, a while ago. Actually, we haven't really talked about anything except me going to look for Hakuba-san since then. If I go home and try to eat in the kitchen, she'll want to actually talk, and it'll be a pain."

"You said I've had a long few days, but they haven't exactly been short and simple for you, either," Saguru said.

"No, I guess not," Kaito said. "It's probably mostly that I don't want to deal with Mom's mind games after everything else. But I have to go home sometime, and she owns the house, so I can't make her leave until she decides for herself to go to Vegas for six months."

Tsuyoshi had at no point in his interactions with Chikage or Kaito until now gotten the feeling that anything was wrong in their household, but it was becoming very clear that something in fact was. It was tempting to invite Kaito to stay for dinner, but he needed to focus on Saguru right now. Still, there was something he could do, at least.

"You are welcome to visit again, particularly if you have reason not to want to be at your house," Tsuyoshi said.

Kaito stared up at him wide-eyed. "I-oh, geez, it's not that bad, I just-"

"Of course it isn't," Saguru said, tone cutting.

"It's not, she's not-she's here, isn't she?" Kaito said. "She's trying. It's better than she's been. But...yeah, I'd like to come here again."

"Then, please feel welcome," Tsuyoshi said. "You missed a fair amount of school assisting those detectives in searching for Saguru. For a high school student, that isn't something done lightly."

"There are more important things," Kaito said quietly.

"So there are," Tsuyoshi replied. And I am more grateful than I can express that you judged my son's wellbeing to be one of them.

He didn't know, precisely, what role Kaito had played in bringing Saguru back. The boy was hardly a detective, and a magician's skills weren't likely to be of use in a missing persons case. But even if the only help he had offered was personal familiarity with Saguru and determination to find him, it had been enough, and that was ultimately what mattered.

"Be careful, on your way home," Saguru said.

"You too," Kaito replied.

Saguru pulled a face at that, and Tsuyoshi couldn't quite blame him. That had been a bit too direct, in some ways.

Kaito just smiled back, the expression softer than most of the grins he'd offered up through the visit. "I'll check in later, okay?"

"Thank you," Saguru said.

And with that, the boy headed for the house, presumably with the goal of retrieving his belongings before leaving. Tsuyoshi hesitated a while before gesturing to his son to follow.

Saguru didn't flinch at the gesture. His stillness was so absolute as to be deliberate.

In a less delicate situation, Tsuyoshi might have rubbed his eyes, or given some other external sign of his exhaustion. As things were, he let it pass without comment and lead the way across the grounds back to the house, hoping his wife would return home soon. He dearly needed backup.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In the end, Kaito didn't go home, or to a cafe. He was too nervous and unsettled to really want to eat, for all that he was insisting that Hakuba should. Hakuba had lost enough weight over the past weeks for it to be easily visible; he needed to start gaining it back. Kaito wasn't in a situation like that, so it didn't matter if he skipped lunch. He figured he'd make it home for a late supper, maybe.

He'd ended up on top of the Clocktower, the one he'd always think of as his and Aoko's. It was probably a stupid thing to do in the middle of the day in civilian clothes, but at the same time, people didn't look up and there was always his reputation as a prankster to fall back on. No one who knew him from school would be surprised that he could do this, really.

...On reflection, that was probably an indication that he should tone down the classroom stunts.

High places helped him think. There was something about the quiet and the breeze. Also, the solitude ensured by difficult-to-reach high places just couldn't be beat. The Clocktower was even better, because it was a place that was soaked in his own personal history, and that was what he needed right now.

Not far from here, he'd first met Aoko. He'd been in the guts of this building for his first encounter with Shinichi, too. And this had been the first time that he'd used KID for himself, rather than to help a stranger or for chasing after Pandora. Saving the Clocktower had nothing to do with his father's mission or altruism; it had been about wanting to preserve his own memories with Aoko. This wasn't the place he'd become KID, by any means, but it was definitely a place where he'd taken a major step toward making the role his own.

Inspector Nakamori was still looking for one single KID, but really, Kaito was fourth in line. His dad, Jii and Hakuba had all worn the monocle before he ever put it on. There was something almost comforting about that thought. Like...it was less of a direct inheritance, a burden passed directly from father to son, and more of a legacy that he was only the most recent to take up.

It felt like all the weight wasn't on him anymore. Even if, realistically, Hakuba was too much of a mess about everything in general and about his time as KID specifically to actually go back to being KID, he was still there. He had the abilities, even if he wasn't likely to start using them again except under extreme duress. If Kaito needed, really needed to stop-if he got injured badly or died or managed to have a breakdown more massive than Saguru's-there was someone else who could carry on.

It's not all on me anymore, Kaito thought, and felt his throat get tight.

It wasn't, though...and there was also the matter of the thing he'd told Hakuba, back in that bar in London. That Pandora was just a thing, and Hakuba was a person, and so Hakuba was more important. Hakuba being a version of Kaito, and Kaito also being a person besides, this logically translated to Kaito being more important than Pandora as well. Which was…

It was…

Kaito was still having trouble processing it.

Turns out that once you orient your life around a goal, it's kinda hard to backtrack on it, he thought, wry.

But at least he could think it. He thought just being able to consider the idea was progress...kind of. Possibly.

He really hoped Hakuba got to that point. He really hoped Hakuba was okay. The superintendent general seemed like a great guy, but Kaito worried. And couldn't stop, even now that Hakuba was home safe, because the guy had the same escape-artist training as Kaito and that meant that keeping him anywhere he didn't want to be was pretty much impossible.

Hakuba was in good hands. He had to keep telling himself that.

More importantly, he had to keep telling himself that bugging Hakuba's house would only freak the guy out and possibly scare him into running, and thus would be unproductive.

And on top of all of this, I have to ask Mom why the h*** she talked to Vermouth, he thought, exhausted.

He still didn't want to talk to her. Some of it was just that he tended to avoid emotional confrontations. But the other part…

He knew why she'd done it, to some extent, and he didn't want to.

It wasn't like he was good at emotions, either. Sometimes, rather than actually saying anything meaningful, the best he could do was do something, and hope his feelings came across. The the special effects display on Aoko's birthday was a good example of that.

So he kind of recognized what his mom was doing. She didn't know how to apologize with words, so instead she'd made a grand gesture. He saw it, and he appreciated what she was trying to do. It was good, that she cared enough to do it.

But this wasn't just one incident that she was apologizing for, and he wasn't sure if she realized that. For that matter, he wasn't sure if she got how horrible it was for her to endanger her life to protect him by way of apology. Especially when some of what he was upset about was her not being around.

I'm barely dealing with Dad's death, even after all this time, can't she see that? he wondered. Why does she think that I'll be even a little okay if she gets herself killed?

Just the thought that Vermouth had seen his mom's face, that she might have done something to draw the woman's attention, when Kaito knew full well that the woman might have been involved in his father's death-

He wanted to either start screaming or dig a hole and pull all the dirt in after him.

Could she just once not make everything more complicated?

He didn't forgive her. Not yet, not for everything. He appreciated what she'd done, even if he wished she hadn't done it, and he was really glad she was trying more, but…

It didn't make the other stuff okay. He wasn't sure what would. A direct apology might help, but...he was already in the habit of not trusting what she said at face value. And he wasn't sure how to start trusting her.

It wouldn't be what she was expecting. And it wasn't fair to her, after all the work she'd put in, especially since she really had helped find Hakuba. But he didn't think this was okay to back down on.

He didn't want things to stay uneasy between them, but it wasn't like he knew any more than she did about how to fix this.

He could start by going home, though, maybe. They could start by talking.

Maybe he'd even show her something other than Poker Face once or twice, just as an example of how that was supposed to work.

A/N: Warnings: Past trauma, poor coping mechanisms, dysfunctional eating habits, and dysfunctional families for the whole chapter, plus more specific discussion of trust issues and mourning in the second half.

Watson's mew conforms to American and British standards for such things, since I couldn't find the Japanese standards in English (and I can't read enough kanji for that). Please note that whether Gosho meant it or not, Hakuba having a hawk is a status symbol, because you need a lot of money to house and care for one. (Insert joke about my undergraduate dorm probably costing less here)

Thank you for your patience with me, everyone.