"I'm going to be really bad at this, I'm warning you now."
Connor put a large bag in the back seat of Gerald and then took his normal spot in the passenger seat. "You've said. But it kind of means more to me that you're willing to go even though you know you'll be bad at it."
"It'll be fun to try anyway. I've never gone to the batting cages before." Jude leant across the console and kissed Connor. "Are you excited?"
"I'm worried about being bad at it. I don't want to be bad at something I used to be good at."
"I'll make you look good by comparison," Jude promised.
"That's not why I'm bringing you," Connor said quickly.
"I know. You're bringing me so that we can have some fun together and because you like me."
"I like you," Connor confirmed.
That had been exactly what Jude knew he was going to hear, but his heart still felt a little strange. As if he wanted more. But Connor wasn't going to give him that; Connor couldn't. Maybe not because he didn't want to, but Jude knew that Connor wasn't ever going to give him anything more than what they were now. Connor wasn't capable. And Jude had to keep that in mind – firmly in mind. He could fall in love. He was free to fall in love, but he couldn't ever get up the expectation that Connor would ever fall in love with him back. To think that would only break his heart.
"Do you know how to get there?" Connor asked, buckling his seatbelt.
"I think so. I looked it up earlier and it's not too far from here. If we get lost then phones are smarter than people, right?"
"Right."
Jude started the car and left the nano parking lot. He let go of his steering wheel with one hand and reached for Connor who half-heartedly swung their hands.
"Your birthday is in a few days," Connor murmured.
"Yeah. I was scheduled for work on Thursday afternoon though, and I won't be getting home until seven."
"Oh. Do you not want me to come over?"
"No, no, I definitely want you to come over! You have a key now so maybe you could have it done for when I get home. You know, because it's my birthday? And then we can spend the evening doing whatever."
"Would you want me to stay the night?"
"Want you to? Of course. Expect you to? Never. It's always up to you, Connor."
"That doesn't bother you?"
"Not a bit. How was Jake when you saw him yesterday?"
"Nice! He asked if I was feeling better, which made me feel guilty, because I was never sick. But I told him that I was doing good. He said we should hang out again and I said we should. He said next time maybe you could come and Amy could come and it would be like a double date."
"That would be awesome. I'd love to know your friends, baby."
Jude glanced over at Connor, who was grinning happily to himself.
"I'm glad I decided to go to school here."
"Me too." Jude turned down a road and the batting cages appeared before them. "I found it! Are you impressed?"
"Very," Connor said wryly.
They climbed out of the car and Jude looked around. It was an outdoor batting cage, with a small booth sat up that they needed to check in at before getting into a batting cages. There were only a couple of people swinging bats around today. Two people were alone and the third looked to be an established athlete whose anxious coach was hanging over his shoulder pushing him to do better. Connor shouldered the bag.
"Have you ever played baseball?"
"I mean, maybe a game of catch, but never with gloves or a bat or anything." Jude paused, thinking. "So, no, not baseball."
Connor toyed with his bag.
"Are you sure you're okay? You seem so nervous."
"I am. I'm too worried about being bad, I think."
"How about you just start with teaching me? Maybe ease back into it a little bit? How does that sound?"
"Like you're amazing." Connor turned and looked at the booth. "Okay, let's go."
Jude hung back as Connor sorted things out at the booth, keeping an iron grip on his bag the entire time he spoke to the petite girl in the booth. Finally, he waved Jude forward. Jude followed him through the gate and over to an area that was away from everyone else. Connor put the bag down in the dirt and he opened the bag, handing Jude a ball helmet.
"Did you bring all of this stuff from home?" Jude asked, catching sight of a few balls, a bat, and some gloves in the bag.
"No. Dad bought it for me and sent it to me after we really talked about me wanting to try playing baseball again. He wanted me to have my own equipment and … Sometimes I think that he feels guilty for what happened to me and the time we spent apart so he does stuff like this."
"You're his only son and it was a long time apart. I think it makes sense that he'd want to do things for you like this."
Connor shrugged. "I know it makes sense. He just doesn't have to."
"He probably knows that."
Connor offered Jude one of his helmets. Jude put it securely on his head, and then Connor lifted the bat out of the bag. He handed it over to Jude, and Jude wasn't sure what to do with it. He lifted the bat up and it was lighter than he thought it would be. It was made out of metal; Jude had been expecting wood. Jude stepped back from Connor so that he could swing it a little without the fear of being too close to his boyfriend.
"You should, um, not keep your feet together like that," Connor said. "A little farther apart so that you can stabilize yourself. Uh, maybe not that far apart." Connor stood from his crouch. "It would be easy to tip you over."
Jude braced himself a little differently and looked over his shoulder at Connor, who was trying to conceal the amused smile on his face.
"What?"
"You don't need to stick your butt out like that." Connor reached for Jude, but then pulled his hands back. "May I?"
"Of course, baby."
Connor walked behind him, moving slowly as he stepped into Jude to align their bodies. Their legs matched and Connor curled his arms around Jude to show him how to properly hold the bat and how to stand. The problem was that Jude couldn't have paid attention if he tried, and he certainly tried, knowing how important this was to Connor. But the way that Connor was pressing against his back made all of his blood leave his brain and Jude just couldn't think about anything but the fact that a hair couldn't have fit between them right now and the way that Connor surrounded him. Jude felt breathless and on fire and if he could have just leant into Connor in that moment and never moved, he would have been more than fine.
"Does any part of that feel uncomfortable?"
"No," Jude said, feeling impressed with just how in control his voice sounded.
"So, when you swing, you just want to make sure you watch the ball and then …" Connor swung their arms together. "You want that kind of motion."
"Okay."
"Don't be too scared of the ball."
Jude smiled at the teasing tone in Connor's voice. "I'll try not to."
"Want to try the ball machine?"
"I think I have to. This isn't really the kind of thing that you can learn in theory only."
"No, it's not."
Connor let go of Jude and Jude nearly shivered. It wasn't cold out, but Connor had been so warm and Jude wanted him right back where he had been. Connor politely held the door of the batting cage open and Jude stepped inside. He took his place at the plate while Connor went to load the ball machine.
"I'll put it on its lowest setting," Connor said. "But let me know if you need me to turn it off, though."
Jude did a practice swing.
"That looks pretty good."
"Are you lying to me?"
"Never," Connor said seriously.
"I don't think I'm going to hit even one of these," Jude confessed.
"If you hit one, then I have to pay for ice-cream after. If you don't, then you have to pay."
"I love the way you think, baby."
"Ready?"
"Yes."
Jude hadn't realized he'd been lying when he said that. A ball came flying out of the machine at him and he flinched out of the way, letting it hit the fence behind him.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Let's try this again."
Jude readied himself for the ball. This time, he swung, but he missed entirely.
"I thought you said this was the slow setting!"
"It is!"
Jude was going to hit the ball this time. He was. He really, really was – going to miss it. The ball hit the back fence and rolled toward his feet. It took six balls for Jude to be able to make any sort of contact, though it really wasn't a good hit and the ball just thudded lamely to the ground.
"Does that count as a hit?" Jude asked.
"Counts as a half a scoop!" Connor teased.
Jude spent twenty minutes with the bat in his hands until he finally made what could be called a real hit. The ball didn't go very far, but it wasn't as if he'd knocked it straight down to the ground either.
"I did it!"
Connor turned the machine off and Jude yanked off his helmet. He hadn't realized he'd gotten so sweaty. But Connor hugged him anyway and was able to celebrate Jude's small victory with him by a small kiss.
"I think it's your turn to try now," Jude said. "I'm not really 'in shape'."
Connor's smile was slow to grow on his face. "I … I thought you looked really good."
"Thanks, baby."
Jude offered Connor the handle of the bat and Connor took it, though it seemed he was in slow-motion as he curled his fingers around the bat.
"I know you'll be great."
Connor showed Jude how to work the ball machine, and showed him the setting that he used to be able to work out on. Then, he showed Jude the setting that he wanted to try today, which was much slower.
"I've never been to the batting cages without my dad," Connor said suddenly. "It was always the thing that we did together. He loved baseball and so I played it. Not just for him, I liked it, but he was the one that started it."
"Then I'm even more honoured you brought me." Jude kissed the tip of Connor's nose. "You've nothing to be afraid of."
"Let's see," Connor murmured, and he stood at the plate. Jude put his helmet back on, just in case, and stood at the far end of the cage.
Connor took a few practice swings and Jude could have just stared at him all day. Connor was all concentration and hard muscles. Jude didn't know what was with him today, but all he could think about was shattering boundaries – Connor's and his own – and feeling Connor's skin against his own skin. He thought about his own, brief experiences with blow jobs and wondered what it would be like to touch Connor like that. Or to have Connor touch him like that. He knew that he'd told Connor that they didn't have to go that far, and they didn't, but Jude couldn't stop his racing thoughts or his racing blood. He bit down on his lip, but he made himself focus on the task at hand. At Connor's signal, Jude started the machine.
Right away, Connor connected with the first ball. The ball went far to the left and he made a face as it hit the fence. Jude didn't bother to ask if it was good or bad – it clearly wasn't good. The next ball flew out and Connor was so busy musing over his first failure that he missed the ball completely. A completely determined look came over Connor's face and the next ball that he hit smacked against the back fence over Jude's head with a loud crack. The noise was loud enough that Connor flinched away from it and dropped the bat against the ground. Jude quickly turned the ball machine off so that Connor wouldn't get assaulted by baseballs as he picked up the bat. Even from the distance he was, Jude could tell that Connor was shaking.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Connor said, and he seemed to realize how unconvincing it was. "Yes."
"Do you want to try again?"
Connor's face lit up. "It feels good, Jude. I didn't realize that I missed this so much and it's not even a real game. It's just a batting cage and I feel good. I missed this!"
"I'm so glad we came! Come on, let's see if you can do it again."
Connor curled his fingers around Jude's forearm. "I don't want to say I know I can, but I know I can. I'm still good at this, Jude."
"I'm proud of you."
Jude could have watched Connor bat all day. There was something about it that made his boyfriend bloom and Jude wanted to know if the confident person he saw today was who Connor would have been, were it not for the ex. Connor actually laughed as he hit one ball – Jude thought that if they would have just been in an open field, that ball would have gone so far that no one would have ever found it. Jude eventually just sat in the dirt and watched the light re-enter his boyfriend's eyes. At one point, as the coach and his prodigy were on their way out, he heard the coach remark that the athlete should try and mimic Connor. Connor didn't hear it, and probably would have fumbled over the praise, but it warmed Jude to hear that it wasn't just him that thought his boyfriend was good (for all his experience with baseball). Someone else thought so too. Connor was good at this. It took longer than Jude anticipated for Connor's arms to droop with exhaustion and for him to call for the machine to be shut off.
Jude bounced to his feet and then practically skipped to Connor. Though Connor was clearly tired, that light was still in his eyes, and he wore his good mood like a cloak. Jude reached for a hug.
"I'm sweaty!"
"I don't care!" Jude laughed.
Connor trusted him on that, because the next thing that Jude knew, he and Connor were holding one another. Connor had given him a quick peck earlier, but Jude wasn't sure if Connor would let him get away with a longer kiss while standing so blatantly out in the open. He dipped his head and tried anyway, and was surprised with the fevered kiss that Connor returned with. Jude gripped at Connor's slick back tightly, though making sure that Connor didn't feel trapped. He didn't want to ruin this moment or this day.
"You're right," Jude said with a laugh, when Connor was done kissing him. "You are sweaty."
"Sorry!"
But it wasn't the broken, whimpering apology that Jude so often heard from Connor. It was casual and happy and Connor still kept his sweaty arm wrapped around Jude, even with Jude's teasing complaint.
"I should probably go home and shower."
"Yeah," Jude agreed. "But you promised me ice-cream!"
"Sure you want to spend time with me like this? It's only going to get worse as I dry out," Connor warned. He pulled away from Jude to put the batting cage's balls back in order and then repack his large sports bag.
"I mean, I should probably shower too," Jude said. He took a subtle whiff of his underarm and came up making a face. He hadn't thought he'd done enough to warrant that kind of smell.
"So, you drop me off, we shower, I bike over, and then we go find ice-cream from there?" Connor offered. He shouldered his bag. "I don't want to leave you hanging on a promise, even though I know it's not really a 'big' promise."
"I think you're brilliant, baby. And I'm glad you want to spend more time with me."
Connor shrugged. "I like you, Jude."
"I know." Jude grinned at him. "Do you want me to carry the bag this time?"
"No, it's okay, I've got it."
They walked back to Gerald and Jude held the back door open so Connor could rest his bag in the back seat. Then, Jude held the passenger door open for Connor. They were on the road when Connor spoke.
"Thank you for coming with me today. It really meant a lot that you were there."
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," Jude assured him.
"I really do think you're the best friend that I've ever had," Connor mused.
"I'd say the same thing, but I think Taylor would hear me and just appear out of nowhere."
Connor laughed. "And I'm going to make your birthday really special."
Jude reached out with one hand and held tightly to Connor. "With you there, it will be special."
"I … don't think I'm going to go with you this weekend, though. I think that it's too much. Meeting your family when they don't know I exist and not wanting to hold you back when you're out with your friends. I feel like I'd just spend too much time worrying and I don't think that it would be any fun."
"They'll know you exist after this weekend. So, maybe you'll meet some of them soon."
"Callie worries me most. The way that you talk about her, Jude … She sounds larger than life."
"She's not. I mean, she's important to me. But she's also annoying and overprotective and sometimes she can be pretty hypocritical. She's a person, Connor."
"I want her to like me." Connor rested his head against the window. "You don't talk about any of your other siblings the way that you talk about her. Even though I know they're important too."
"They'll love you. It's what I said about my moms and I was right there, wasn't I?"
"Yes."
Connor ran his fingers over Jude's knuckles as they pulled into the nano parking lot.
"So, I'll see you soon?"
Connor nodded and that easy grin spread over his face again. "We can go to that ice-cream place with the weird flavours!"
"I'd love that."
Jude parked the car and turned to face Connor. Connor was already leaning toward him over the console. Connor's fingers softly rested against the side of Jude's face, and Jude melted into him. The heat and happiness of the day was overwhelming, and Jude felt half desperate as he gripped the front of Connor's shirt. His heart raced and he felt like they could have ignited the world. Connor's hand was in his hair and on his shoulder and every part of Connor was just pulling Jude further and further in. Connor's arms wrapped around him, and Jude fell into his hug.
"You really need to shower, baby."
"I know."
But Jude hadn't wanted to let go of him either, even with the smell that was clinging to the both of them. Connor slid out of the car and grabbed his bag from the back. Jude didn't move the car until Connor was safely inside of his building and then he drove home. He quickly walked down the path to his door, thinking about how long it would take Connor to shower and bike over. Jude thought that he had a decent length of time, enough that he could take a long hot shower that probably had too many thoughts of Connor involved.
The chapter's title is after the song You Always Make Me Smile by Kyle Andrews (reader recommended). If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~