A/N: Sorry for the long gap between updates. Stuff kept happening, mostly a seasonal cold and those ongoing nonserious health issues that keep knocking around the update schedule. Someday I'll get on top of things, heh.

Thank you to miladyRanger for betaing, and see the end note for warnings, as always!

Chapter 45

It was approaching dinnertime when Kaito walked through the door, and Chikage had to restrain herself from effusive greetings or shows of worry. He wouldn't believe she was being genuine, and ultimately that would only strain things between them further.

She tried on a gentle smile instead, and asked, "Were you able to see him home safely?"

Kaito slipped off his shoes carefully and propped his luggage against the wall by the door. He was moving slowly, and the shadows under his eyes were clear evidence of jet lag. "Yeah, I was," he said softly.

"Have you eaten yet?" Chikage asked. "I can make something…"

"Don't worry about it, if there's leftovers or something I can heat them up," Kaito said. "I, um, didn't have time to eat lunch either, so I don't really want to wait for the rice cooker or anything like that."

Chikage frowned at him, and he glared right back.

"We took the train into Tokyo around lunchtime, and Saguru was too jumpy to go to a restaurant, never mind what would have happened if someone recognized him," Kaito said.

"Which station did you go into, that it took that long to get him to his house?" Chikage asked.

"Um, one of the ones in Beika?" Kaito said with a shrug. "We stopped someplace to dye his hair. He couldn't keep borrowing one of my wigs forever." He paused, then gestured toward his own hair. "He cut his hair really short, and stopped dying it, so he...didn't really look like himself."

"That's all the disguise work he was doing?"

"No, that was his base appearance," Kaito said. "When I finally found him, he was crossdressing."

Chikage made a hum of approval. "Good to know he's not completely out of practice," she said.

"Oh, believe me, he's not," Kaito said. "He also impersonated a Russian police chief and made up a convincing female Japanese-American temp worker, and that's just what we know about." He looked even more tired, if it was possible. "I am so glad we're done chasing after him."

"Almost makes a person sympathetic toward Inspector Nakamori," Chikage said with a small grin. "Come to the kitchen. At least let me heat something up."

"Yeah, okay," Kaito said, following her.

Chikage rummaged through the fridge and found some prepackaged vegetable dumplings, then arranged them on a plate and put them in the microwave. Kaito walked into the kitchen behind her and started rummaging through the drawers for chopsticks.

For a few minutes, the only sounds were the clink of tableware and the steady hum of the microwave.

The microwave beeped, and Chikage set the plate in front of Kaito.

He glanced up at her. "Will you have anything?"

"I'm going to wait and have a proper meal," she said. "But I'll keep you company while I'm cooking. How's that?"

He gave her a half smile, which was about what she'd expected of him.

He ate in silence for a few seconds as she started up the rice cooker. Then, he said, very quietly, "I did appreciate what you did, by talking to...to dad's former student."

She turned to face him. He hadn't looked up from his plate.

"But...please don't do it again," he continued. "Please don't make yourself a target on my behalf. I don't know that much about what you're doing as-as Corbeau. You don't actually have to tell me, not if you don't want to. But if you attract her attention because of me-if you die because of me-" He broke off, biting his lip. "Please tell me you thought about it. About what that would do to me."

Chikage drew herself up. "Please, Kaito, you know I'm too good-"

"Dad wasn't," Kaito interrupted, voice hard. "Dad wasn't, and if he wasn't, no one is."

That struck true, more so than Chikage ever wanted to admit aloud. "Kaito, you've got to stop acting like your father was some sort of god among phantom thieves," she said sharply. "It's not healthy."

"Oh, and running off to Vegas after he died was?" Kaito responded. He took a breath. "No, no, this isn't-I don't want to fight with you, d*mnit, but-you're still doing it."

"Doing what?" Chikage asked, keenly interested. If there was something she could stop doing to make all of this right again, she was eager to make a start as soon as possible.

Kaito made a wordless growl of frustration, and then very deliberately shoved a dumpling into his mouth. After he finished chewing, he said, "You're still acting like everything's okay. It's not. You know it's not."

"Then tell me how to make it better!" Chikage bit out, all thoughts of preparing dinner forgotten. "I know I've made mistakes, but I don't know how you're expecting me to fix them!"

"I wanted you to be here like five years ago, but if there's one thing I've learned from this whole mess it's that time travel kinda sucks, so I don't really know what I want now," Kaito said, wilting.

Chikage was confused. "What happened five years ago?"

"I was lonely, and I wanted my mom to be around," Kaito said, looking her in the eye.

"Oh."

Kaito leaned against the table and rubbed his eyes, obviously tired. "It's not-there's not something specific you can say or do to just, I don't know, fix everything. That's not gonna work."

Chikage wanted to tell him, I don't know how to do this, but she was slowly realizing that she couldn't say that to him, no matter how true it was. She'd put too much trust in his maturity already, and in doing so she'd piled burdens he wasn't ready to bear on his shoulders.

She took a mental step back. Stop pushing him. Stop placing the responsibility on his shoulders. I want to be close to him again, but I need to put his feelings first. That's my responsibility as a parent. When did I forget that?

Chikage squared her shoulders. "Okay. I know I haven't been there for you in the ways that you wanted me to be, and...well," she faltered, then gathered herself, "there's a lot I've screwed up at this point. I want to do better from now on, and I shouldn't have asked you to give me instructions on how to manage that."

Kaito was staring now. The clear surprise on his face stung.

"I would like to know if there are things that you'd like me to do," she continued. "I pushed my way into your life after being absent for a long time, and though it wasn't deliberate, I made a bit of a mess of things."

"That wasn't-you didn't know," Kaito said. "You were trying to look out for me. I appreciated that part. It was the other stuff that…"

"That you're still upset about," Chikage filled in.

"Yeah," Kaito said. "I want to have a nice civilized conversation with you. Which means we aren't talking about Corbeau, not tonight. Okay?"

Chikage nodded.

"When I told you to go back to Las Vegas, I was angry," Kaito said. "But I wasn't kidding. Or wrong. I'm used to living alone now. I need some time to get my bearings. To figure out how we should do this. We don't fit like this, in the same house, not anymore. You're bored as heck here in Japan and I'm too used to having the whole house to myself."

"Kaito…" Chikage started.

"It's not because I'm angry, really," Kaito said. "I just...maybe a few years ago, fixing this would've looked like you moving back to Japan. But I don't think it does anymore, you know?"

Chikage sighed. "Are you sure?"

"It's easier for you in Vegas, too, isn't it?" Kaito offered. "Maybe...figuring things out on your end would be easier there, too."

Chikage had to concede the point, so she nodded. "I want to talk more often," she added. "And not just...I don't just want to tell you stories. You have to tell me how you're doing. How you're actually doing."

"Then you can't use it against me," Kaito countered.

"I-"

"We play mind games with each other sometimes," Kaito said. "It's normal for us. But if you want me to confide in you, that part has to be off limits."

"Right," Chikage said, too tired to shove away the feelings trying to clog up her throat. He really doesn't trust me.

Kaito smiled at her, but she could see the Poker Face in it. "We can fix this. It's not...we haven't screwed everything up, not yet."

"You're seventeen, what would you know?" Chikage asked. How long has it been since I've treated him like a kid and meant it?

The answering smile was more real. "I'm Kaitou Kid; I know everything."

"Keep on telling yourself that," Chikage said. "And eat your food before it gets cold."

Kaito stiffened-it seemed Chikage had crossed a line. Then, he relaxed again, and started eating. Chikage wasn't sure what she'd done wrong. Was this just teenage rebellion at orders from parents, or did he not want to hear her ordering him around?

She still didn't understand her son. Maybe that was the biggest problem.

"It's good," Kaito said tentatively. "That you're trying like this. I mean, I appreciate it. A lot."

"I should have tried more, and sooner," Chikage replied, feeling the truth of it settle in her gut like a weight.

"But you are trying now," Kaito said. "It doesn't fix everything. But it does mean something."

He smiled up at her, without any KID in his expression at all. That was a rare sight, now, wasn't it? Chikage took it for the gift it was likely meant to be and smiled back.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When Shiyomi arrived at the house, Tsuyoshi was at the gate to meet her.

"What's happened?" she asked immediately. He could see her scanning the ground for clues, just as he had. Perhaps she had never been a police officer, but she'd been an EMT for a few years in her youth. The clues she sought were different, but no less vital.

"Saguru's here," he said softly, holding up hands to quell her reaction. "He's inside. He's startling as easily as when I first met him."

"Where was he?" Shiyomi demanded, eyes wide and wet, but not yet welling over.

"London, I think," Tsuyoshi said. "Kuroba-kun was the one to bring him here."

"So those boys did find him, after all," Shiyomi said, a wan smile on her lips. "I suppose we'll have to thank them."

Tsuyoshi exhaled. "Kuroba-kun asked me not to spread the fact that he'd been in London around," he said. "He apparently had permission from his mother to make the trip, but I don't think the others did. We might create more problems than we solve if we try to thank them."

Shiyomi made a hum of discontent. "So, he did leave of his own volition?"

"It rather seems that he wouldn't be back at all if not for some persistent meddling on Kuroba-kun's part," he said. "He's been vague. And withdrawn. Please be ready for it."

She nodded acknowledgement. "Is Baaya…"

"She's quite frustrated," Tsuyoshi admitted. "I believe she'd hoped he would come back willingly. When he did not…"

Shiyomi nodded.

"He'll wonder what's keeping us," Tsuyoshi said, ushering her in.

They found Saguru and Baaya in the dining room. Baaya was having tea while watching Saguru pick at his late lunch, a bowl of oyakodon that she'd set out for him about an hour ago. About half of it was eaten. Tsuyoshi imagined it might take some work to get him used to full meals once again.

Saguru looked up, startled and instantly wary. "Mother."

"Saguru," Shiyomi replied. "Welcome home."

"It's good to be home," Saguru said, relaxing just slightly at the traditional exchange. He paused, staring at his food for a few seconds, then added, "I'm sorry to have worried you."

Shiyomi shook her head. "Do you mind if we join you and Baaya?"

Saguru shook his head, and Shiyomi sat down across from him, Tsuyoshi taking a seat beside him.

Shiyomi began telling stories about her work at the hospital over the previous weeks. Tsuyoshi joined in with accounts from the police station. Soon, even Baaya was contributing anecdotes from the house staff and the contractors she dealt with to keep the mansion running.

Saguru grew less tense as the conversation continued, and, distracted by listening, he actually ate most of the food in front of him. When he finished the bowl, Tsuyoshi knew it was time for the more difficult topics.

He glanced at his wife, then at Baaya, letting them know he was about to change the tone of the conversation. He was certain Saguru wouldn't miss the nonverbal communication; if anything, it was for the better if his son knew to steel himself a bit.

"I'm still not planning to ask where you were, or about your specific reasons for leaving, but there's a conversation we need to have," Tsuyoshi said.

Saguru looked very nearly ready to make a run for it.

"Please, hear me out," Tsuyoshi said. "I don't know how to tell you that you aren't in danger and have you believe it, but I promise you, you are safe here."

The look he received in reply was less than convinced, to say the least.

"You've apologized for leaving," Tsuyoshi said. "Now let me apologize. You were in distress, and we did not do enough to address it."

"I'm not sure what you're referring to," Saguru said, seeming more confused than anything.

"You've been nervous since you returned," Tsuyoshi said. "Really, you've been nervous to some degree from the time I invited you into our home, and while we offered you safety, we did no more than that."

"Oh no," Saguru all but groaned. "This is about the therapist again, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Tsuyoshi said, standing his ground. "I think you would benefit."

"I don't want to talk about it," Saguru said. "I've told you, I don't like talking about things from before I went to London."

"Don't talk about that, then," Tsuyoshi said. "A therapist can help you learn how to deal with whatever it is that makes you startle every time someone approaches you from behind. You can talk with them about ways of calming yourself after nightmares without discussing the nature of the nightmares. At least consider it. Please."

Saguru's jaw tightened.

"Saguru…" Shiyomi started, only to trail off with a sigh.

"We'll return to the topic," Tsuyoshi said firmly.

"Have you had a chance to shower, or change?" Shiyomi asked.

"No. I'm not even sure precisely who I borrowed these jeans from."

"Well, your clothes are still in your drawers upstairs," Baaya said. "Though I really should air out your room before you use it."

"Why don't you go shower," Shiyomi suggested. "Baaya will get your room ready and then perhaps start on dinner."

"Already?" Saguru asked, surprised.

"You'll be eating proper meals now that you're home, Saguru," Shiyomi said, a hint of warning in her tone.

Saguru ducked his head and hurried to the shower.

Tsuyoshi glanced at her. "And what will we be doing, dear?"

"Making our excuses at work, and trying to figure out how to keep the number of visitors down to an amount that won't overwhelm him once you've reported to the station that he's been found," Shiyomi said. "Your men are gossips."

"So they are," Tsuyoshi admitted. "I suppose you have a plan?"

"Several," Shiyomi said, smiling.

A/N: Warnings for trauma and paranoia throughout, dysfunctional family, specifically emotional neglect and reference to the entire Corbeau mess in the first part, and dysfunctional eating habits, and psychological issues (specifically PTSD) in the second half.

I am forever behind on review replies but I will someday catch up!