Jude parked in front of the nano dorms, but he didn't even have to send a text before Connor was out the front door. He had his back pack in one hand and the other was tucked in his pocket. He might have been the picture of casualty, if Jude didn't know him as well as Jude did. Connor was nervous; he might have even been flat-out scared. He put his bag into the back with strong determination and then got into the passenger seat.
"Baby, if you're scared, you don't have to come."
"I want to," Connor assured him. "I really do want to."
"I'll drive you back at any point."
Connor shook his head. "That wouldn't be fair to you, Jude. It's your birthday weekend."
"I'd do it."
"I never said you wouldn't." Connor trailed his fingers over the back of Jude's hand and it tickled slightly. "You are a really amazing guy, Jude. And I know you would. I just don't want to be the guy that asks."
"I like the guy that you are, baby. Even if you are the guy that asks." Jude flipped his hand over and Connor locked their fingers together.
Jude's heart picked up speed as Connor held his hand. There was something in his heart was whispering and bubbling along happily and Jude just let himself grin about it.
"So, what's the plan for this weekend anyway?"
"So we're going to go to Moms house right now and drop our stuff off. I think we're doing a family dinner out, so we'll probably head out to the restaurant not long after we get there. Then, we'll get home … not too late. Then, we'll have tomorrow to sleep in and I'll show you some of my favourite places around home or hang out at the house … Taylor will probably come kidnap us later tomorrow night. And then we can laze around on Sunday before we head back."
"Doesn't sound like a bad weekend," Connor mused.
"It's not. We'll have plenty of downtime."
Connor glanced over at him. "I don't need downtime. It's your weekend."
Jude laughed. "I meant downtime to feed the teen rebellion part of me that wants to make out with my boyfriend on my mothers' couch under their noses."
"Oh. W-well, I think we can fit that in."
Jude laughed. "You're my favourite, baby. That's why I – I –" Jude stopped himself, the I love you he'd surprised himself with hanging like a brick on the end of his tongue.
Connor looked at him, unsuspecting and trusting. "You what?"
"Am so glad you're with me this weekend."
"Me too," Connor said.
Jude wasn't sure why he felt guilty over Connor's smile. Even though Taylor had practically decided that Jude was in love with Connor, Jude knew that it wasn't time for him to say it. Nor was it time for Connor to hear, though if Jude were being honest with himself, he didn't know if Connor would ever be ready to hear those words. And he didn't know if that should make him as sad as it did.
(-.-)
Connor fidgeted nervously in the backseat of Stef's car. Jude was leaning forward, telling his mothers something about one of his psychology professors. Connor had heard the story before and so he looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching his hands in an effort to calm himself down. He shouldn't be nervous. Lena was nice. Stef was nice. Callie, even, was nice. It would stand to reason that Jesus, Mariana, and Brandon would also be nice. Connor was more nervous about Jesus and Brandon. Brothers were worse than sisters. Jude seemed to like Jesus, but, sometimes, the way he talked about Brandon made Connor think that there was more of an uneasy history there than Jude let on. It made Connor nervous.
At the restaurant, they were the first group to arrive. Without any communication, Jude held out the seat against the wall for Connor. Connor sat with a smile on his face and an appreciation for Jude. Jude sat next to him, and Connor was glad for the buffer that he'd have from the rest of the table.
"Do you want something to drink with dinner, Jude?" Stef asked.
"Let your moms by you your first drink," Lena added.
"Legal drink," Stef clarified, staring at Jude with a knowing eye.
Jude laughed uncomfortably, his cheeks turning pink. "Uh … maybe one."
Connor picked at the edge of his menu, only startling when Lena said his name.
"Would you like anything?"
"Oh, no thank you. I don't drink."
"I like him even better, Jude."
Connor laughed awkwardly at Stef's comment and ordered a ginger ale when the waitress came around. She was just about to walk away when Callie strode in, asking for wine and rubbing her temples.
"Everything okay, Callie?"
"It's nice to have a night off work," she said, taking the seat next to Jude. "It's such a small paper and such a small staff that sometimes I feel like we're all on top of each other and it can be such a headache sometimes."
"Sounds like us, pre-empty nest," Stef mused.
"Oh, hi, Connor," Callie said, finally glancing down the end of the table.
"Hi, Callie."
"I'm glad you came," she said, and Jude smiled happily at his sister. "So, do we have to wait for the other kids to order appetizers or can I go rogue and get nachos?"
"As long as you get wings too. Do you know how hungry I am?"
"No, Jesus," Callie said, "But I have a feeling you're about to tell me."
Connor looked up as a rangy looking man with an awkward patch of facial hair on his chin took a seat on the other side of the table.
"Jesus, I thought you were joking about growing that thing out," Jude teased, thumbing his chin.
"At least I can grow one. Aren't you still, like, twelve?"
Jude rolled his eyes.
"And, hey, who's that?" Jesus asked, gesturing to Connor. "Moms, he looks a little old to be one of your problem cases."
"He's my boyfriend. His name is Connor," Jude said. "Connor, this is my brother, Jesus."
"And his sister, Mariana!" A well-dressed, beautiful woman leant on Jesus' shoulder, lifting one leg to adjust her heel. "Who are we introducing ourselves to?"
"My boyfriend, Connor," Jude repeated.
Mariana's dark eyes met Connor's and he felt intimidated by the look on her face. She looked too happy to see him, in his opinion.
"Hi! Judicorn, I didn't know you had a boyfriend!" Mariana was playfully scandalized as she squeezed behind Callie to give Jude a hug. He hugged her back and then, with one arm still wrapped around Jude's neck, she offered her other hand to Connor. "Nice to meet you!"
"You too," Connor said. He shook her hand. "Um, Jude speaks about you a lot."
"Uh oh," she said, laughing. Then, she kissed the back of Jude's head. "Happy birthday!"
"Thank you," Jude said.
Mariana took her seat beside Callie. "Oh, and Brandon's here! Let's order!"
"Let him sit down, Mariana," Stef scolded. "Hey, love, why the scowl?"
"Long day at work," Brandon griped.
"You and Callie have that in common," Lena mused.
Brandon quickly glanced at Callie and then away with a strange look in his eyes. "I guess so."
"So, what's everyone in the mood for?"
Everyone started debating things that they wanted and the dishes that would be the best. The table was loud and Connor was easily overlooked, which he was glad for. Jude leant toward him to ask if he had an opinion on appetizers. Connor admitted that he agreed with Callie about the nachos, and, in the end, it was one of the things that was ordered.
"So, everyone," Lena said, "let's have a toast. For Jude. Happy twenty-first birthday!"
Everyone raised their glasses and clinked. Connor led his ginger ale into the fray, not flinching even as other knuckles touched his hand. He watched Brandon squint at him, and this time, he introduced himself.
"M-my name's C-Connor. I'm J-J-ude's b-b-boyfriend."
"Oh," Brandon said. "Nice to meet you."
"You too," Connor said, but it was a whisper and he really didn't think Brandon heard him. Nor did he think that Brandon really cared. Jude smiled at him and, underneath the table cloth, Connor took Jude's hand.
Jude held onto him tightly and leant on one hand to talk to his family. Connor had expected to sit in the corner and just listen, which he did his fair amount of, but he was surprised at how much Jude's family kept him in the conversation. When things came up that Connor didn't know about, sometimes it was Mariana or Lena, even Callie, would get to an explanation before Jude did. Connor was much more relaxed at the table than he had ever dreamt of being. When the appetizers arrived, he wasn't quite in the mood to join the feeding frenzy occurred, but he and Jude shared off the plate that Jude managed to fill, earning them a small 'aww' from Mariana.
Connor didn't understand what was so cute about their relationship. He likedit, of course. His relationship with Jude might be the best thing he had since his mother was alive. And Connor thought it was cute. Especially compared to his last relationship. Jude, himself, was just cute. Connor thought Jude knew so, but he thought he should tell him later tonight.
"Has everyone decided what they're getting for the main course?" Stef asked.
Connor shook his head slightly and stared back down at the menu. He was having the most boring dilemma between the steak and mushrooms and the seafood fettucine. He ran his eyes over the menu again. Everything here was good, and the restaurant was a really great one. Connor was sure his dinky birthday supper would pale in comparison to a great night with great food with Jude's family. He quietly ordered the steak. It wasn't anything like the shrimp Alfredo that he'd made on Thursday night.
Jude tapped his knee. "Everything okay?"
"I'm just going to go to the washroom."
Connor quickly excused himself from the table and found the washroom. There was one other man standing at the urinal and Connor locked himself in a stall. He pressed his back against the tiled wall and forced his knees to remain locked and keep him upright. Connor counted out three long breaths, and then asked himself what was wrong with him. He thought the dinner had been going okay, he really did. Jude's family was nice. Mariana was a little nosey and Jesus was a little loud, but Connor didn't believe they were bad people. Brandon was indifferent, but, again, it didn't make him bad, and Connor couldn't blame Brandon for not being interested in him.
No, the problem didn't have anything to do with Jude's family. The problem was with Connor. The problem was always with Connor, because that was just the kind of person that Connor was. He couldn't sit and enjoy a nice meal with his new boyfriend's family, because all he could think of was that he never had a nice meal with his ex-boyfriend's family, because his father was so angry and his mother was so quiet and his brother was dead. The table there had always been awkward and awful.
Connor closed his eyes and opened them slowly. He couldn't hide in here forever. Even less than that, he didn't want Jude to have to come in here and find him. Connor couldn't deal with that whatsoever, and he refused to even try. He unlocked the stall door and he rhythmically washed his hands, not looking at himself in the mirror. He soaped every inch of his hands and then he rinsed them under the hottest water that he could stand. He dried his hands meticulously and then he forced himself to rejoin the table. The main course had been delivered while he'd been gone and his ginger ale had been refilled.
Jude smiled at him as he sat down. "Good thing you're back or I was going to try your steak for you."
"Would you like a bite?" Connor offered immediately.
"You try it first, tell me how it is, and then we can trade. Some of the pulled pork for the steak."
"It sounds like a good trade," Connor murmured.
At the end of the table, Jesus burst out laughing and Connor flinched at the sound. Jude tapped his foot against Connor's. Connor rubbed his against Jude's shoe and smiled a little.
"So, what do you do in a Greek mythology class?" Mariana asked.
"A lot of reading," Jude replied. "It's interesting reading, but there's a ton of it."
"I bet it's written in, like, an old-type speak, though," Jesus said. "Is it hard to read?"
"Connor doesn't think it is, but sometimes I do. I think Kroger chose the simple version of the translation."
"Clearly, he believes in you," Callie said, laughing.
"Nah, not 'he'," Jude corrected. "Just 'they'."
"Clearly, they believe in you," Callie repeatedly pointedly.
Connor was almost sad as the plates began to empty and the end of the meal started drawing to a close. He liked Jude's family. He liked the way they could talk to one another and the affection that was so clearly flowing between them. He liked the feeling he got when he thought of being a part of it. He wondered what it would be like to have a family exactly like this. Had his mother survived, he and she might be like this. Had his mother survived, even Adam might have been different, though Connor knew that Adam would never have been like Stef and Lena were or like his own mother had been.
One thing Connor hadn't realized was how long goodbyes between a family of this size could be. He felt like he'd been standing in the parking lot for hours when Mariana sidled up next to him, a friendly smile on her face.
"I'm glad you were here tonight. It was nice to meet you," she said.
"You too."
"You seem happy with Jude."
"I am," Connor murmured.
"Well, I was hoping to be able to give you a hug before I leave."
"Oh! R-r-really?"
"Yeah!"
Connor nodded and let her hug him. Mariana was small and bubbly and he didn't expect the strength with which she hugged. He would have stumbled backward if Mariana weren't an anchor for him. He held her back lightly, and she let go before too long, telling him once more than it was nice to meet him. Feeling as if he'd said all of his required goodbyes properly, he slipped into the backseat of Stef's and Lena's car. It wasn't too long before Jude joined him, resting his head on Connor's shoulder.
"So, what did you think?"
"I liked it. Your family is really nice. I wasn't as worried as I thought I would be."
"Even though you went to have a panic attack in the bathroom?"
"Oh." Connor rested his head on top of Jude's. "I, um, wouldn't call it a panic attack."
"Then what would you say?"
Stef opened the driver's side door and Connor clamped his jaw shut. He still wanted Stef and Lena to believe that he was someone normal and someone worthy of their son.
"What do you think, Jude? Good birthday?" Stef asked.
"Yeah, it was! Thanks for taking us out, Moms."
"Yes, thank you for inviting me out with you," Connor added.
"Oh, of course, Connor," Lena said. "You're a part of us now."
A part of them?
Whatever else was said on the short journey back to Jude's house was lost as Connor mulled over those words. He'd only met Stef and Lena twice! And yet … they were considering him part of the family? It was impossible. They were just being nice. It was the only thing that made sense. He knew that Stef and Lena were nice people. They were so nice that, when they were inside the house and Stef and Lena decided to go up to bed, Lena gave him a kiss on the side of his head too. Connor reached up to touch the spot, feeling the warmth of a mother's kiss again. When they were up the stairs, Jude curled up in Connor's lap, his head against Connor's thigh.
"So?" Jude prompted.
"Hmm?" Connor ran his hand through Jude's hair.
"If you didn't have a panic attack in the bathroom, what was it?"
Connor couldn't believe that Jude was still thinking about that. He combed his fingers through Jude's soft hair. "There were a lot of things that felt … overwhelming. A night with your family couldn't compare to what I did for you. And, then, your family and his are just … so different. Your family and mine. It made me want things I don't have and I always feel guilty when I do."
"Oh, baby." Jude sat up, but he didn't leave Connor's lap. Connor wrapped his arm around Jude's back, settling his hand against Jude's hip. "I loved both nights, I just liked them in different ways."
Connor averted his eyes from Jude's face. He couldn't help but think that one had to be better. It was in completely conflict with his belief that Jude wouldn't lie to him, even if Jude thought it would make him feel better. It bothered Connor that he wasn't sure what to believe. He should have Jude figured out by now. He should have his relationship with Jude figured out by now. But Jude was surprising him still, and, to Connor's own shock, he was starting to find that he even liked some of Jude's surprises.
"There's not much else I can say about the other stuff, though. You have a place here, though."
"They've only met me once."
"They're welcoming people."
"They are," Connor whispered.
"Are you tired, baby?"
"Not really."
"So, we can cuddle and watch a movie?"
"Whatever you want," Connor agreed.
"Well, not if you don't want to."
"Jude?"
"Mhm?"
"I, um, w-w-was looking forward to your teen rebellion side."
Jude laughed. "All right, but we still need to find something for background noise."
Jude picked the first movie he found, which was an old movie called Popeye. It was already about halfway through, but that didn't matter, because the moment it started playing, Jude's lips were on his and Connor knew he wasn't going to see much of the movie. He couldn't have cared less about seeing a single bit of the movie. There was something sweet and normal about going out to dinner with his boyfriend's family and then coming home to kiss said boyfriend. And there was also something to say about the fact that he knew Jude would kiss him, but Jude would only kiss him.
Jude kissed him so sweetly too. Connor felt as if he would melt from the inside out. Jude was half in his lap, one hand clutching at Connor's forearm while the other rested against the upper part of Connor's chest. Jude's fingers clenched in Connor's shirt, but he never strayed too close to Connor's head, and Connor couldn't describe how it felt to be so confident in that.
"You make me a little breathless," Jude confessed, and he buried his face in the crook of Connor's neck.
Jude left Connor feeling that way too. He wasn't sure he could speak, so he took Jude's hand off his arm and pressed it to his chest over his racing heart.
"Me too," Jude said. His eyelashes tickled Connor's cheek. "I'm really glad you're here this weekend."
"Remind me to call my dad in the morning though, okay?"
"Okay." Jude paused. "You know … it's not that late. And we never got dessert. We could go out somewhere."
"You've got a sweet tooth," Connor accused and he touched the pads of his fingers to Jude's jaw.
"Gonna indulge me?"
"I could be persuaded."
Jude pressed his lips to Connor's quickly. "How much more persuasion do you need?"
"A little more."
"Flirt."
"I –" was all Connor managed before Jude had kissed him again.
This kiss was soft and full and it only took half a second before Connor's head was spinning and he was the one whose mind wandered to something beyond kissing. But as quickly as that occurred, Connor had himself reined in. He couldn't think about it. He couldn't let himself get too caught up in it. The very thought of it made him too sick.
"I-I-I-I'm c-c-c-convinced."
"I thought that would take longer," Jude said, laughing. "I'm just going to go tell Moms we're heading out for a bit."
Connor had his shoes on by the time that Jude came back downstairs. He opened the front door and the two of them stepped outside.
"Are we taking Gerald?"
"We should. It's not the kind of walk I think you'd want to take tonight."
The car ride was short. Jude took him to a small candy shop which was painted a fairly bright pink. There was a 'wet paint' sign still hanging out front, while a hiring sign was stuck in the window.
"They haven't been open long. I haven't actually been here before, but Jesus told me about this place. Bulk candy, cheap. I figured we couldn't go wrong."
"That sounds nice."
When they got out of the car, Jude took Connor's hand and swung them as they entered the shop. There were a few people milling about, with one bored clerk in a gaudy pink apron stocking gum at the front of the counter. He was almost toppled over by an eight-year-old girl who clearly shouldn't have been in a candy store, but Connor was relieved to see he stayed on his feet. Jude tugged him over to the wall lined with candy.
"What are you in the mood for, baby? Gummies? Chocolate?"
"You were the one craving dessert. What would you like?"
Jude picked up two small glass jars which were to be filled with candy. He handed one to Connor. "You get the chocolate, I'll get the gummies, and that way we can have the best of both worlds."
"There's a lot of different kinds of chocolate here," Connor mused, looking around skeptically. He wasn't sure if he could guess what Jude would want correctly.
"Well, let's go through them!"
They spent a solid half an hour creeping along the wall and filling their jars as they went. Half of Connor's chocolate jar went to small milk chocolate disks with sprinkles along the top. Jude said he loved them, and Connor was glad to let Jude choose what he wanted. Connor wanted Jude to be happy, and he liked most of what Jude picked out. It wasn't as if Jude ignored his wishes, though. He was constantly asking if Connor wanted sour gummy bears or regular gummy worms. Finally, with their jars full, Jude dramatically put lids on the top.
"Now, we go home and find an actual movie. What do you say?"
"I say we should probably pay for the candy before we go."
"Ah." Jude balanced one jar on each of his palms. "We should."
"Let me get them," Connor offered.
"Connor, you don't have to –"
"I know," Connor murmured. "But I'd like to."
"Who am I to say 'no' to a treat? Thank you, baby."
Jude kissed his cheek and Connor took the jars. He cradled them carefully. The glass was thick but he would still hate to drop them. He and Jude turned toward the counter together, and Connor's eyes fell on the clerk. There was something familiar about the small man who was toying with the display case in front of him. Connor was just thinking of how he couldn't possibly know the man, when Jude blurted out, "Dylan?!"
Oh.
Oh.
It was the boy from the photo in Jude's room, albeit a few years older and a couple of pounds heavier. Dylan smiled broadly.
"Jude!"
Connor had never felt jealously quite like he did when Jude hugged his ex-boyfriend. Dylan was hugging him back tightly, and Connor wondered if he should be trying to judge just how tightly Dylan was holding Jude. It felt like a kick in Connor's gut when Dylan kissed Jude's cheek. But he had his features schooled into a calm, if a bit blank, expression for when Jude and Dylan separated. Jude didn't turn to acknowledge Connor, though.
Instead, he simply said to Dylan, "I thought you were in Chicago!"
"I was. But …" Dylan shook his head, and looked up to Jude with trusting eyes. "Dad was diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago and I packed up and came home."
"Oh, Dylan, I'm so sorry."
"Well, there's still a chance he'll beat it, but if he doesn't, I'd rather know that I came home and had a few more months with him, even if he doesn't agree with it."
Jude hugged Dylan again and Connor bit down on the inside of his cheek.
"Is there anything I can get for you? I am supposed to be working."
"Oh, yeah, Connor has some candy for us." Jude turned around and reached for him, and Connor obediently stepped into place beside him.
Dylan wiped at his eyes and stepped back behind the counter. "Sure. Just the two small jars, then?"
"Yeah," Jude said. As Dylan began punching numbers on the cash register, Jude leant on the counter. "Taylor's throwing my birthday party tomorrow. You should come!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I'll text you the details but maybe you'll come hang out. I know she doesn't know you're here either, otherwise I would've heard that you were by now."
"Nah. Haven't really talked to anyone." Dylan put the jars in a bag and passed them to Jude. "I had better actually work, but I'll see you tomorrow, I hope."
"See you."
Jude slipped the bag around his wrist and Connor followed him out of the candy shop. He didn't speak as Jude opened his car door for him, but then again, Jude didn't either. Connor stared at the shop as Jude backed the car up. So, that was Dylan. He was nice and cuter when he smiled, just as Jude had said about him. Everything that Jude had said about him seemed true, from what Connor could gather in that short meeting. It meant Jude had really loved him too, and Connor had ever thought about the implications of that as heavily as he did now.
"Someone's quiet," Jude commented.
"You?" Connor replied.
"All right, that's fair."
"Are you thinking about Dylan?" Connor asked. "Or am I not allowed to ask?"
"I feel bad about his father. Maneesh is a good guy. I don't want him to die."
Of course Jude would have been close to Dylan's family too. "I'm … I'm sorry he's sick."
"Me too." Jude stopped in his driveway. "You okay, baby?"
"Yeah," Connor lied. He knew he shouldn't, but he didn't want to admit otherwise. He didn't want Jude to know what he was thinking because then they would probably fight and Connor hated the thought of fighting with Jude and he hated the thought of ruining this weekend. It was Jude's birthday weekend with his family, and they had all been kind enough to invite Connor along. Connor didn't want to be a burden to them.
He opened his car door and Jude hopped out of the driver's side. They went inside the house and curled back up in front of the T.V. together, just as they'd expected to do. Connor passed Jude the remote for Jude to pick a movie, but Jude didn't take it. He simply covered Connor's hands with his own.
"You sure there's nothing bothering you? You've got a look."
He wasn't able to keep lying to Jude's face. He just wasn't. "I, um, just … w-was n-ever expecting to … meet, um, Dylan. That's all."
"Are you jealous?"
"Um … Oh. I … don't want to be."
There was a small grin on Jude's face, which Connor just didn't understand.
"You don't have to be jealous."
Connor knew that. He knew better.
Jude held both of Connor's hands. "You're the one that I'm with and I love being with you. Dylan is my friend now and that's all he is to me."
"He lives so close again."
"He does. But you are my boyfriend and you live even closer." Jude kissed Connor's forehead. "I'm not a cheater, Connor. And if I thought I still had feelings left for Dylan, I wouldn't have even tried to date you. But we've been apart a long time and we're different people. I've told you before that, in the long-term, I really don't think Dylan and I would have lasted, and I still believe that. I know you can't help how you feel, but try and remember that, okay?"
Connor nodded, and then he thought over Jude's words, and frowned.
"What is it?"
"D-d-does that mean you think we'll last long term?" Connor just flat-out didn't know what to think about that. Being in a relationship again was hard enough, thinking about this relationship as a long-term thing was terrifying, even if Jude was wonderful.
"We are new and I'm not sure about how long we'll last." Jude saw the look on Connor's face and gently squeezed his hands. "How about we just say that we'll last as long as it's good for the both of us?"
"I like the sound of that."
"I hoped you would. C'mon, let's find a movie and I can feed you candy."
"Not that close to my face!" Connor blurted.
"That wasn't my plan," Jude said. He relaxed against the back of the couch and slid his arm around Connor's waist. Connor let Jude pull him tight against his side and he rested his head against Jude's shoulder. "Don't you trust me?"
"I think so. But, if that wasn't your plan, then what was?" Horror washed over Connor. "If you were going to put it in your mouth and then mine, I think I'm going to need you to take me home now."
Jude laughed again. "What? You don't want my mouth near your mouth?"
"That wasn't what I meant!"
"You don't like this?" Jude asked, kissing Connor.
Connor laughed a little. Jude was in such a good mood and it was infectious. Connor had no reason to be in a bad mood either. "I like it a bit," he admitted shyly.
"What? This?"
Jude kissed him again and they toppled backward onto the couch. Connor's back was flat against the cushions, Jude's arm trapped underneath of him. Connor realized how easy it would be for Jude to climb on top of him at the same moment he realized Jude wasn't. Jude was tucked between Connor's side and the back of the couch, leaning on his side so that he could kiss Connor.
"Maybe that," Connor whispered.
"Well, I kinda like it. So I'm glad you kinda like it."
"Will you kiss me again?" Connor asked.
"I can probably manage it," Jude said, and Connor barely had time to smile before he was kissed again.
He rested one hand against the back of Jude's head, and even though they were kissing and Connor had come to realize that he rather liked kissing Jude and it wasn't scary like kissing his ex, Connor's mind wandered. He thought of how he liked to play with Jude's hair and Jude liked having his hair played with but the very thought of Jude getting close to even his collarbone sent him into near hysterics. It was almost as if Jude could sense his change in mood, because Jude's lips left his own and instead Jude settled into Connor's arms.
"What are you thinking about?" Jude asked.
Connor should have expected the question. That was just how Jude was. "I trust you."
"I know you do."
Should Connor be so surprised that Jude was so confident about that? "You do? But I don't … I mean, there are things I can't … There's … My face, and ev-everything and …"
"Doesn't mean you don't trust me," Jude said. "And I'm just going to keep earning your trust. The you here with me now trusts me a lot more than the you I met in September."
"That's true."
"And it doesn't matter that I can't touch your face. You let me kiss it and that's what matters." Jude snuck a kiss to Connor's cheek. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"That's a gift on its own."
Jude was too good for him. But Connor had voiced that too many times and he didn't want to be repetitive. He didn't want to be boring. He stretched one arm over to the coffee table. "Gummies or chocolates?"
"How about chocolate?"
Connor picked up that jar and he rested it on his stomach and it leant against Jude to stay balanced. Jude held the base of it and he unscrewed the top.
"What kind do you want first?"
"The one with sprinkles!"
Jude was so adorable when he was excited. Connor found one of the candies he wanted, though he felt bad about putting his fingers on it. Jude didn't seem the least bit bothered about that fact, if he thought of it at all. He let Connor feed him the chocolate and then he snuggled back into Connor's side. Connor chose his own chocolate to suck at and he rested his head on top of Jude's.
"What are you thinking about?" Connor asked quietly. It seemed like Jude was always asking him that question. He didn't want Jude to think that he didn't care about him.
"Whether or not I would have missed."
"What?"
"How much do you trust me?"
"You aren't going to hurt me." Connor sounded confident, but not as confident as he would have liked.
Jude moved up onto his elbow and Connor shifted closer to the edge of the couch. He trusted Jude, but that didn't mean he liked the feeling of someone being above him like that. Jude was trying his best not to be suffocating, though. Connor noticed that. He picked up one of the chocolates from the jar and turned his attention back to Connor.
"Open your mouth?"
"My mouth?" Connor repeatedly, not opening his mouth very much at all when he said it.
"Trust me a little more, hmm, baby? I'm not going to stick my fingers in your mouth."
Connor could trust him that much, he decided, though it did take him a moment to get there. He slowly opened his mouth, his eyes never leaving Jude's face. Jude held his fingers up over Connor's head, moving them this way and that, and then he dropped the chocolate. It hit the side of Connor's lips before sliding onto the couch cushion.
"I guess I did miss."
Connor picked up the chocolate. "Um, what were trying to do?"
"How else was I going to feed you candy?"
Connor picked up the chocolate. "Try again?"
"You're going to end up eating a lot of couch fluff."
"I trust you to not feed me that much couch fluff!"
Jude held up the chocolate again, this time with a look of pure concentration on his face. He took more time in aiming. He gently tossed the chocolate and this time it landed firmly on Connor's tongue.
"Thank you," Connor said.
"How's the couch fluff?"
"Pretty good, actually. You want to try some?"
"I think I'll take a pass, but you're so sweet for offering." Jude snuggled into Connor's side. "You know what though?"
"What?"
"You should open the gummy jar too!"
Connor could do that.
The chapter's title is after the song He's Not Him by Megan & Liz. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~