Rush woke up, and immediately wished she hadn't.
Her head was killing her and there was an unpleasant taste in her mouth. "So this is what it means to truly drink with the Chargers," she muttered and covered her aching eyes with her palms against the sun's glare.
Last night went just fine - the drinks were great, company even better. Then their Chief pulled out a cask of Chasing Mead and things got… blurry. She vaguely remembered leaning against Krem and babbling something about how this was better than burning templar pricks to Krem and Bull's roaring laughter. She also remembered how she snuggled against Bull's muscular arm and purred with pure female satisfaction. Her palms warmed up from the force of her blush.
Oh well, not like he hadn't noticed her interest before.
It wasn't even all that surprising she… admired him. Bull was pretty much the first person in her life who accepted her as she was, last night's test notwithstanding.
Before she could stew in her own thoughts too long, the door to her room banged open and in walked Krem. "Good morning, Rush! Rise and shine!" the grin on his face was unnecessarily sadistic, she thought as she glared at him through her fingers.
Then she realized something, "Wait. I don't remember walking back to my room…"
Krem's grin turned even more evil, "That's because you didn't." He ignored her widening eyes and continued mercilessly, "You fell asleep cuddled to the Chief and he didn't want to wake you up… so he carried you upstairs himself."
Rush groaned and covered her face as much as she could.
"Oh, don't take it too badly. We've all noticed you 'looking'."
A disgusted grunt was his only answer.
Krem had the audacity to laugh at her. No respect for the cranky mage, she thought, but then realized that his trust in her self-control actually made her feel better.
"Now, get up, we have some training to do." Krem continued grinning as if he knew something she didn't.
"Training?" she repeated stupidly, then remembered that she once promised Krem they will train together to test her skills as a Knight-Enchanter. "But I'm hung-over!"
"So? You won't always be able to fight at your best. Training like this will test your true skills and limits. I'm sure the Chief will agree…"
Rush opened and closed her mouth a couple times. Then her eyes narrowed, "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you."
Krem just continued grinning down at her as he walked to her bed to pull her out of it, "'If you're not cheating, you're not trying', right? That's what I heard, anyway."
Rush paused and, with a horrible sense of realization remembered how she got tips from Skinner on how to fight with daggers. While Krem was around, no doubt watching and listening to every word they said. "Well, shit," she commented dryly and Krem started laughing.
A minute later, she was shooing him out of her room so she could get dressed. She has seen Krem fight and knew he was a powerful warrior. Since she didn't want to kill him, and since they were in fact in the middle of a city, she will have to use her combat skills only. And magic with no outward effects. This… will require a good strategy.
Still, she was looking forward to this. It will be challenging, yet she didn't need to fear she'll be killed. Actually, she was kind of looking forward to this.
With a smile, she realized how much she changed in the brief time since she joined the Chargers. She drank more in one evening than in all her previous life combined, fought with no care of decorum or even her own safety as an apostate… and was able to relax with people who were quickly becoming her friends. Even the way she talked changed. She put the daggers on her back and found that for the first time, she didn't miss her robes and staff.
The moment she was dressed, Rush made her way down to the tavern's common room. The evidence of last night's celebrations was no longer visible. She felt her respect for the tavern owner rise - that must have been some quick cleaning, especially since the tavern already had customers sitting at he bar… and most Chargers enjoyed their breakfast there too. She decided to skip food this morning and only drank a glass of water.
She walked out of the tavern and into the small courtyard that served as their training ground for the time being. Krem was already waiting for her, so was Skinner and Grim… and so was the Iron Bull. She groaned internally, then steeled her shoulders.
She stepped up to them with a nod of greeting and they all grinned. Even Grim. A quick look over her shoulder back at the tavern revealed the rest of the Chargers watching from behind the closest window. Rocky even pulled a chair to stand on so he could see properly.
She wondered how much they all bet on the outcome of this little training session.
Bull was the first one to speak, "So, I hear you think you can beat Krem."
Rush opened her mouth… then paused to check Krem over. He appeared slightly 'under the weather' too, and he wasn't wearing his usual heavy armor. He wore simple leathers instead. On his back was… a wooden stick?
Oh. Training. Right.
Looked like she will have to tone it down, too. But this also meant her hits will count for more, since a simple 'stab' with a stick will symbolize a more serious wound.
She grinned. "I can," she said simply.
Skinner gave her a wicked grin of her own, "You better. I want to win this bet, you hear?" Grim grunted dismissively beside her.
"No respect for the lieutenant, Skinner?" Krem challenged jokingly.
Her wolfish grin was… unsettling. "I want to see you bite the dust, 'Lieutenant'. But I'm not stupid enough to challenge you myself."
Grim grunted in agreement.
"Hey!" Rush exclaimed, mock-insulted.
Bull chuckled behind them and interrupted their banter by handing her two shorter sticks to serve as 'daggers'. She tested their weight in her hands and subtly pushed a small spark of magic into them to make them sturdier. Then she flooded her muscles with power and a grin spread on her face.
This will be fun.
-rushing-ahead-rushing-ahead-rushing-ahead-
She panted and stared down at Krem with the happiest grin she ever remembered sporting. Krem panted just as hard as he stared up at her from the way she had him pinned to the ground with her hands and legs. His 'sword' lay several feet away, too far for him to reach, even if he could move.
Which he couldn't.
Grim handed a coin bag to a chuckling Skinner.
Bull watched her with slightly hooded eyes from the sidelines, then shook himself and chuckled as well. "This round goes to Rush, Krem de la Crème. She's beaten you, fair and square."
Hearing that, she relaxed and released Krem's hands.
Krem grinned too, "She did," he said and smacked her butt where it rested just above his waist.
Rush squealed and fell off him, to the laughter of all the Chargers. She joined them a moment later, feeling full of energy, despite the rather intensive training session.
They've been at this for longer than she thought they would. She expected that Krem would either wipe the floor with her, or she with him, but it turned out they were almost evenly matched. It was also surprisingly hard to concentrate on and manipulate the subtle flow of magic through her body when she still felt last night's alcohol coursing through her veins. And brain. There were several moments when Krem nearly got a full hit in and she almost pulled herself into the Fade out of reflex to avoid it. Almost. Luckily she kept her cool and managed to avoid his hits physically instead, and even let a couple hit her.
Until now, she had no idea she could move that fast, even with magic.
Rush felt proud of herself, and more confident in her skills than ever before. Turned out she wouldn't make such a bad rogue after all. She picked herself off the ground and offered Krem her hand, which he happily took. The moment they were both up, they smiled at each other and went to clear up the area. Skinner took Grim by the elbow and led him back inside the tavern, no doubt to buy them both a round with her newly won coin.
Bull approached them with an intent look. Rush gulped unconsciously; she hoped he will not suggest a spar right now. A knight-enchanter she might be, but even she was not invincible… and Krem wore her out already. No matter how sturdy, she was still human.
When he saw the look on her face, he paused and chuckled, "Relax, Rush. I won't suggest we fight…" at her sigh of relief, he added with an evil smirk, "… right now."
"Oh, dear," she deadpanned, knowing she was doomed.
"But later, sure, we will see how well you'll do against me. Krem," he turned to his lieutenant. "You still need to finish the sorting from yesterday. Go get some water and get to it."
Rush narrowed her eyes. Now that she watched for it, she noticed the subtle… something in both their tone and manner, that suggested there was more spoken than was said. What were they planning now?
Krem threw her a quick salute, turned on his heel and walked back to the tavern. But Rush didn't move to follow him, choosing instead to stare at Bull expectantly.
Bull raised a surprised eyebrow, then chuckled again, "So you noticed, huh? Usually takes people a lot longer than that." Then he pulled out a coin bag and handed it to her.
She stared at it, puzzled.
"The rest of your pay," Bull spoke calmly, quietly. Then he added with a sigh, "You did fine at Adlebrent's mansion, Rush. Better than fine, in fact. You did great."
She clutched the bag in her hand and stared up at him, "But I put you all in danger…"
"Not exactly true," he countered her gently. "Sure, Adlebrent was barking about your magic, but protecting you is my job. If you ever need to use your powers to protect yourself or to finish a job, do it. I will get you out of trouble, no matter what."
She looked down and whispered, "I should still be able to protect myself."
He took a step closer. "Of course. But while you're a Charger and doing your job, I will do what I can to help you with that. You don't have to be afraid of failing. You're one of my men, now; you're safe with us."
She took a second to gather herself, then she smiled up at him and nodded. "I'll try." She could promise no more than that, but she was ready to put her trust in him, at least once. She will see the next time they got in trouble, how his word held.
Rush turned to leave, but Bull took her elbow in his huge hand and looked around.
"Wait. There's more." He bid her to follow him.
They ended up sitting on a couple crates behind the tavern, out of the view of any curious passerby. Bull put a hand on his knee and leaned in, "Listen, now that you're a real Charger, there's a couple things you need to know."
"Yes, Bull?" She waited for him to continue. What could he possibly want to tell her? It must be important, and very personal, if he felt the need for such privacy. To discuss things away from the rest of his men.
"So, you know I'm Qunari, right?" He asked her needlessly.
Rush thought it must be a very sensitive topic, then, if a man as decisive as Bull tried to ease her into it gradually. "Yes, that's kind of obvious."
"Well, when I say that, I don't mean just the horns." He looked at her almost hesitantly and said it the most cautiously neutral voice she has ever heard from him, "What I mean is… I still follow the Qun."
Ah. "Again. That's kind of obvious," she couldn't help but tease him a bit.
This startled him so much that he let his carefully crafted neutral mask slip, "What? How and when did you realize?" This was the first time she has seen him so shocked.
"I've… travelled, after my escape from the Circle. I've met Tal-Vashoth. You're pretty much the opposite of what I've seen in them."
He continued to stare at her as if she turned into a demon right in front of him, but he also seemed pleased now.
Rush continued, since it seemed Bull was still too shocked to speak, "You're in control of yourself, no matter what, even when you're drunk. You follow the principles and concepts of duty and roles, just like the Qunari do. Not to mention the fact you have a title name under the Qun." She laughed softly, "I didn't realize you were hiding it, actually."
Bull stared at her some more, then visibly shook himself, "And I didn't realize I was slipping this much. Or that you are so observant. Where the hell did you learn so much about the Qunari?"
She smiled and relaxed against the crates at her back. "I had a lot of free time at the Circle. Our library was very impressive." He still stared at her expectantly, waiting, so she added, "Our archivist traded with what was left of the Fereldan Circle after the Blight and gained a copy of the Blight reports from the Hero of Ferelden. One of her companions was a Qunari called Sten. She sometimes mentioned him."
Bull sighed and leaned against his knees fully, "Those must have been some reports."
"More like an adventure novel, really. Still, it had more information, accurate information, about your people than all the other library books combined. Maybe because it was written by someone who actually met a Qunari," she snorted derisively as she thought about most of the Circle's knowledge of the Qun. Written by mages who never stepped foot outside the tower.
"How much do you know about the Ben-Hassrath, then?" Bull asked, cautious again.
"Never heard about it." At his raised eyebrow, she added, "I've read what Sten talked about, but he only ever mentioned the Antaam structure and some philosophy, nothing more."
"Oh. Well. Ben-Hassrath… they are basically spies, and secret police of the Qunari people." He looked at her, and added in a careful voice, "Or, I should say, we are." When Rush didn't say anything, Bull continued, "I was sent here, ostensibly as Tal-Vashoth, to gather useful information about the Orlesian nobility, which I then send to my superiors in Par Vollen." Bull waited for her reaction. He was very surprised when Rush only grinned.
"Does that mean Adlebrent's little secret won't stay secret and the Qunari people could eventually use it against him? Oh, that's rich!" She laughed.
"Wait, what secret?" Bull stared at her.
She raised surprised eyes to his, "The one about… his relationship with his late wife?"
"What of it? He was not the murderer."
She couldn't believe Bull didn't know. What kind of information did he gather and send, if he missed something like this? "They never had sex. That means their marriage was not consummated and could possibly be annulled."
"She's dead now, they can't do anything about it anymore." He shook his head, willing to dismiss it.
Rush smiled at him secretively and leaned in, "You're right, it can't be annulled. But you see, the Poutouilles could still demand her dowry back. Or have him removed from the list of possible heirs, which is a serious threat, especially if Anabelle was an only child. They married against their will, both of them, and while the Adlebrent family is an old one, the Poutouilles are very young… and rich. So for the Adlebrents, this match could not have been about prestige. Bet you ten royals that the Adlebrent line had financial troubles and it was only this forced marriage that gained them their fortunes back. If someone revealed to his late wife's family that the marriage was not a 'real one'… and perhaps gave them the diary written in Anabelle's own hand that proves it, Adlebrent would be left destitute."
Bull listened attentively, then slowly started grinning. He slapped his hand against his thigh and shouted, "Hah! This is great! At this rate, I'll have you join in writing my reports. This is exactly what my company needed! Someone who knows how the nobles here work!"
Rush started blushing. But before they could get too derailed, she needed to clear a few things up. "I'll be glad to help. Only…" she hesitated, unsure how to say it, then decided to jump right in, "I'm still Andrastian. I'm not giving that up."
It needed to be said. She will help him, gladly, but she didn't want to convert. As much as she respected the Qun, it was simply not for her.
Bull only gave her a gentle smile; a real, honest one and lifted his giant hand to gently caress her cheek. "I'll tell you what I told all my Chargers. I don't care who you light a candle for, so long as your sword arm's strong and your heart's true. You don't need to worry about me trying to convert you."
Rush shivered at his touch and laid her own hand on top of his. Her heart suddenly started beating much faster. She cleared her dry throat, "Y… yes. Alright."
He smiled down at her, and leaned even closer, "I must admit, no one ever had a reaction as good as yours, Rush."
She all but stopped breathing, "Wh…" Her eyes closed of their own accord. He was so close…
"But we still need to discuss this," he said in his normal voice and withdrew to lean back against the crates.
Rush gasped for air and blinked a few times. That… was not fair.
"Rush, I caught the hints. I get what you're asking." He said calmly and watched her get her composure back.
She pulled herself together and straightened up with a soft cough, "I thought I was kind of obvious about it, actually."
Bull sighed, "I'm not what you're looking for. Qunari don't look at sex the same way you do. For us, it's not about bonding, but more like… going to visit a healer." He tried to explain.
"But you do have sex, right?" She didn't want to imagine what they'd be like if they hadn't.
He chuckled, "Oh yes, we definitely do. But it's all about needs. Physical needs. We don't do it with those we love."
She frowned in thought, "So how do you show someone you love them?"
Bull startled at that. He paused where he was leaning and fixed her with an intent stare. Then his expression leveled and Rush had a feeling whatever he will tell her won't be the complete truth. "The Ben-Hassrath teaches that when you're faced with a hostile target, you give them what they want. But when it's someone you care about, you give them what they need."
She swallowed to clear her suddenly dry throat. This was turning a bit more serious than she was prepared for. Now she was almost sorry she asked. Almost. "And what is it that you need?"
He still watched her with that intense, searching look, as he slowly revealed more about his people, "Qunari warriors spend all their lives strictly controlling their every act, every gesture, every thought, to serve the demands of the Qun. They need to let go sometimes, let someone else be in control, with no fear of repercussions or reprimands. Especially those who lead, as they have the added burden of being responsible for lives other than their own."
So he wanted her to… what, control him as he let go? That didn't seem to fit. Not completely. And he did say 'Qunari warriors', not 'I'. Rush narrowed her eyes. "And what do you need?"
Bull stared at her for a long moment. Neither of them moved.
Rush barely dared to breathe. This was intense, and more than she expected when she opened this topic. But she refused to back down. In the time she spent with the Chargers, she came to care for the Iron Bull and she desired him as well. She was prepared to give him what he needed. Especially if it fulfilled her need to… be close to him, too.
"This is not the time or place to talk about that." Bull said eventually. "If you are certain this is what you want, join me in my room tonight, and I will explain."
She only nodded in response, as her throat was too tight. She stood up to join the rest of their company, but turned back when Bull called after her.
He looked directly into her eyes and said, "I just want you to know: Whatever you decide, whatever happens tonight, I won't think any less of you."
She smiled at him. It was so much like him to try and reassure her, when it was her who started this in the first place, and opened something she might not be ready for. "Thanks, Chief." It somehow felt right to call him that, at this moment. Much more right than calling him 'The Iron Bull'.
Rush turned to rejoin her friends and left the Iron Bull staring at the crates she previously sat at, lost in thought.
-rushing-ahead-rushing-ahead-rushing-ahead-
Krem lifted his head as soon as he saw her enter the tavern. Seeing the conflicted look on her face, he waved her over to his secluded corner. How he managed to get his own private space in a full, lively tavern was a mystery Rush doubted she'll ever be able to solve.
"So, how did your talk with Chief go?" he asked her the moment she sat down.
She understood what he was asking about… and his silent request that she not speak any details out loud in a tavern. "It went just fine." Then she smiled and added mischievously, "I think the biggest surprise was the fact that I wasn't all that surprised."
Krem lifted his eyebrow at her, then chuckled. "Yeah, 'dangerous'. I get what he meant now."
Before Rush could wonder about when Bull might have mentioned her being dangerous, Krem continued.
"Why the long face, then?" When Rush only looked at him, not understanding, Krem leaned back, "You look like someone kicked your puppy. Did something happen between you two?" He pulled a wine bottle to his lips and took a gulp.
"Well," Rush started, looking over at Bull's lieutenant. The person who has been with him the longest, from what she knew, who knew Bull the best. "I just wonder what it is that he needs."
Krem sprayed wine all over the table, then started coughing.
"What? What do you people know that I don't?" She asked him with a small smirk. Despite the mostly serious question, she still found his reaction amusing.
"You and the Chief, huh?" Krem looked at her hesitantly when he got himself under control.
"Not yet, in fact." She said dryly and put her elbows on the table to lean in closer. "But I'd like to, and I want to do this right."
Krem scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not sure I should be the one telling you this." At her unimpressed stare, he continued quietly with a tired sigh, "The Chief… he… has a past. I never really asked in detail, but I know he came to Orlais when he… couldn't stand his old job anymore."
Rush felt her eyebrows try to climb into her hair. Bull? Couldn't stand something? That must have been really horrible, then. She remembered how skilled and… practiced he was at analyzing a murder scene. Suddenly, she wasn't so sure she wanted to know what happened.
"I don't know much, but from what I do know, it was crazy. Endless chaos he had no control over. So, at a guess, he needs to… stay in control," Krem continued, hesitant.
Her eyes widened. That was pretty much the opposite of what Bull told her his people needed. If what Krem said was true, their Chief was in a difficult position.
As Qunari and a leader of their company, he needed to let go. Relax and unwind. Let someone else be in charge for a moment.
As a man who came out of chaos he could no longer stand, he needed to stay in control.
…
'Poor Bull,' she thought and frowned down at the table. She finally understood what the missing piece was. When Bull said Qunari warriors needed to let go, she felt it was not the complete truth. And it turns out it really wasn't. The other half of him needed the exact opposite.
Damn.
How could she give him all he needed? No single person could.
Krem watched her silently for a while, then spoke in a whisper, "There's one more thing you should know." When she raised her head to look at him, he continued, "Iron Bull has never been in a relationship. I mean, sure, he sleeps around a lot, but a commitment? Qunari don't do commitments. If you expect him to be your lover…"
Rush sighed and looked down. That much she noticed herself.
She still vividly remembered the bow-legged serving girl that left his room before their Storm Coast mission. It seemed he had the sex part of his needs covered perfectly, thank you very much. She doubted she could do any better, or more, than them.
That was when she remembered wondering if Bull had anyone to care for him. As a lover would.
She turned her attention back to Krem. "I know. I've… read about Qunari, so I know about… that. Bull also said some things. But that doesn't mean I can't try."
Krem watched for a second, then took another gulp of his wine. "As you wish. Just remember that he has other loyalties, too. Wouldn't do to mess with those."
She nodded and stood up. "In any case, it's a bit too soon to worry about that. We shall see what happens tonight. Maybe nothing will come of it."
Krem snorted into his wine, unconvinced, "If you say so."
Rush turned to walk away, then remembered something, "Hey, Krem? Remember those jars from our Storm Coast mission I showed you?" At his nod, she asked, "Do you know what they are?"
He smirked. "Qunari horn balm. Stops their horns from itching and helps with the flakiness. The Chief will be happy you found it. It's hard to come by in Orlais." His smirk turned mischievous. "Maybe you could help him apply it?"
Did he mean she should spread it on his... horns… She blushed and Krem sniggered into the wine bottle. Rush cleared her throat, gathered her dignity and went to collect one of the jars under Krem's knowing look.