"Bye!" Jake and Amy called.

"Bye!" Jude responded, while Connor just waved.

As soon as they two couples had turned their backs on one another, Connor slumped. Jude reached his hand out and rubbed gently between Connor's shoulders. "You okay?"

"Tired." Connor shrugged. "It felt like a longer night than it was."

"Well, three movies is a lot," Jude said.

"I like Jake and Amy but …"

"But you can't be around friends all the time. Sometimes, you're just not in the mood."

"Exactly." Connor reached up and took Jude's hand, swinging it between them as they walked. He was glad Jude understood him. Jude understood him so well that they stayed silent as they walked across campus in the cooling night air. When the nano parking lot came into view and Connor could see Gerald, he tugged on Jude's hand. "So … was this your only plan for tonight?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, last time I went grocery shopping, I found some mango tea. It's really good. Do … Would you want to come up and try some?"

"I thought you were tired."

"You're not draining," Connor said. "You don't count."

"I've never been so glad to not count before."

Connor stopped walking, pulling Jude to a stop with him. "I … I, um, you know that wasn't how I meant it."

"I know. I'd love to try some tea. As long as you promise it's good."

"I promise!"

Jude kissed his forehead and they went inside, taking the elevator with three other people who went to floor nine. Connor lurked in the elevator corner behind Jude until they were alone together.

"You look like you've never seen another person before," Jude teased, leaning on the rail next to Connor. "Do you usually wear an invisibility cloak or something when you're in the elevator?"

"I usually take the stairs."

"Eleven flights?!"

"Uh-huh."

The door dinged open and Connor led Jude into the hall.

"You do that every day? How many times a day?"

"It depends. Sometimes it's three or more. Sometimes I don't leave my room at all during the day." Connor paused in front of his door and turned his backpack on his shoulder to fish for his key.

"You make me tired," Jude said. "Like, physically, tired."

"I'm sorry." Connor pulled his key out and unlocked the door. "I cleaned up since the last time you were here."

Connor opened the door and let Jude inside. Connor shut the door and then shifted uncomfortably. He couldn't go through his ritual of locking the door and checking the bathroom and window if Jude was here, could he? Yes. He could. It was Jude, and Connor could be himself in front of Jude. He locked the door, flicked the bathroom light on, and then managed to slip by Jude in order to check if the window was still locked. He glanced at Jude, who was awkwardly trying to find a good place to stand in the small room. Connor took a deep breath and cracked the window open slightly. He knew his room got too stuffy. He just couldn't bring himself to open the window when he was alone. He wasn't sure what he thought was out there or how he thought something was going to get in through the window, but he wasn't willing to risk it when he was alone.

"Um, there's no where really to sit but the bed," Connor said. He had his desk chair, but no one could really access it when his bed was down, and then, one of them would have to sit on the floor.

"You don't mind me sitting there?"

"Not if you sit at the end where my feet go."

"Done," Jude said. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his legs close to him so that Connor could move freely in the narrow space.

Connor pulled out his kettle from one of the top cupboards, but he had to rush to put away his dishes and place his drying rack in his sink so that he would have counter space for his kettle to sit and begin to boil.

"You know," Jude said, "I like your room."

"Why? It's small."

"Isn't that why you like it?" Jude said. "I just meant that it's very cozy."

"I like your apartment better," Connor admitted. "It feels more like a home."

"Well, I've lived there a little longer. You think you're going to keep the room next year?"

"I'm going to try. I don't mind living on campus. I don't want to move. And buying furniture seems annoying."

"It's half frustrating, half fun. I liked looking for furniture and trying to decorate, but it's more fun buying weird items like a coat stand than trying to find a mattress that's going to fit perfectly in a wall alcove. I didn't want to buy a queen bed but I also didn't want to not fit in the space. That would have annoyed me."

"Me too." The kettle boiled and Connor quickly put tea bags into two mugs. He went to pour the water and then stopped, realizing that he had never made Jude tea before. "Do you like milk and sugar in your tea?"

"What do you think?"

"I think fruit teas taste better black."

"Then I trust you on that. I don't usually drink teas that often. Just a cup with Lena every now and then."

"Then I really hope you like this."

Connor placed the first mug in Jude's hand. Jude held it carefully, balancing it on his thigh so he didn't have to hold on to the heated ceramic. Connor sat on the bed, closer to his pillows.

"Did you like Jake and Amy?" Connor asked.

"Yeah. Amy's pretty loud though."

"Yeah. She can remind me of Taylor, in some ways. Do you think that's fair of me to say?"

"I can see where you're coming from," Jude said, and Connor was relieved that he'd agreed. "But she seems like a good person."

"I think they both are," Connor said. "I'm glad Jake talked to me."

"More than you're glad I talked to you?"

Connor laughed. "You know I don't like anyone the way I like you. I've never liked anyone the way I like you."

Jude beamed and took his first sip of his tea. "This is really good!"

"I'm glad you like it," Connor said, honestly relieved.

"And I'm glad to have finally met your friends," Jude added. "I'm glad you have them."

Connor nodded, taking his first, long drink of his tea even though it was still hot enough to burn the back of his throat.

"What's that face?"

"Sometimes, they make me uncomfortable," Connor admitted.

"How so?"

"Like today, when Amy said she wasn't going to touch Jake later if he said something. I know that's mostly normal and I know she didn't mean anything by it. It just sounds bad to me. Because … because I can't really picture any kind of … sexual contact being good for both people. Does that make sense? Sex, to me, is it being what one person wants and the other person just kind of deals with it and doesn't really like it. It doesn't seem like it could be equal. At the risk of sounding really stupid, I think the phrase 'making love' is a lie. There's no love in sex. There can't be."

Connor couldn't look at Jude after his outburst and so he focused on his tea, dunking the tea bag up and down.

"I want to believe you're wrong," Jude said. "I know that was your experience and I don't blame you for your perspective, but I think that it's possible to like sex. I think there's a certain intimacy that can be found in it that two people can really share. That's why I'm still a virgin, because I haven't gotten to that point where I thought I wanted to share that with someone."

"Am I selfish for saying I'm glad you feel like that?" Connor asked, finally looking up at Jude. He took a quick gulp of his tea and added, "It's some kind of relief that you don't think about sex."

"Oh, I think about sex," Jude corrected.

Connor screwed up his nose for a moment before becoming aware of what he was doing and dropping the expression. "Should I ask?"

Jude laughed. "Only if you want to. I don't have a whole lot of weird thoughts about it. And I think it crosses everyone's mind every once in a while. And, anyone who has a boyfriend who's as hot as you has to think about it a little more often."

Connor looked down at his tea and took another drink, trying to give some space between Jude's words and Connor's thoughts, which were spinning too quickly. Unfortunately, he had run out of tea. He stretched and placed his mug on his small counter. He had nothing to do with his hands now and he just fiddled with the front of his shirt.

"Want to come sit next to me?" Jude offered.

Connor wasn't about to turn that down and he moved along his skinny mattress so that he and Jude were sitting shoulder to shoulder. "What do you mean by think of it a little more?"

"Uh …" Jude's cheeks turned red and Connor understood.

"Oh! You … You don't have to answer that, I guess. I don't know if I want to know."

Jude laughed, but it was awkward. "Nothing weird, I promise."

"I already feel weird."

Jude laughed again and kissed Connor's temple.

"If we're being honest," Connor said, "I've had dreams about you."

"Oh really?" Jude said it in an over-exaggerated, seductive way and quirked his eyebrows, and so Connor was able to laugh, which took away some of the awkwardness.

"I always wake up before they get too far. I don't think I want them to get too far. But, I've had them. Because it's only recently I've started not waking up and hating myself for having them because it's you and sex. Not to say that I don't want to have sex with you. But not to say that I do. Oh, and we're sitting in a bed. I …" Connor took a deep inhale. Jude looked amused, which kept Connor from overreacting too badly. "Can I try that again?"

"Sure. Reset." Jude pushed his mug onto the counter next to Connor's. "I liked the mango tea, by the way."

"Good." Jude settled back into his spot and Connor picked up his hand. He thought more carefully about what he'd been trying to express before, and then let out a long sigh. "Okay. Here it goes. I don't want to have sex with anyone. I don't know if I'll want to ever have sex again. With everything I went through, that's why the dreams kind of make me uncomfortable. The other reason is because of him, because it's always because of him, and I don't really know if I can go into detail about that. But, I am … attracted to you. If I were normal when I met you, I'd probably already be the one trying to pressure you."

Jude laughed louder than Connor thought he would. "Sorry, baby, just knowing you, I can't imagine you trying to pressure anyone to do anything."

"That's why I said, if I were normal."

"You're mostly normal. And your quirks are cute."

"Like the nightmares?"

"I wouldn't call nightmares a quirk." Jude slid his arm around Connor's waist, and then froze. "Should I not touch you?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Sometimes conversations about the physical make you quirky."

Connor rested his fingers along Jude's jawline and gently guided him in for a kiss. His arm tightened around Connor's side. The conversation they'd just had made Connor feel a little shy about kissing Jude and it was only a short kiss.

"You don't want to have sex?" Connor asked.

"No. Not right now. Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yes. It's the one thing I always trust you on. Not that I don't trust you on other things, but that's the one thing I always feel like I can trust you on."

"Well, that's a good thing to always trust me on. So, in the spirit of honesty, I haven't been thinking about sex, per se, but I've been thinking more about other physical things. You touching me, me touching you … It's not something I'd ask you for, because I know we're not there yet, and that's okay."

"I told you once if you really wanted me to do something, you could ask and I would. I could make myself be okay with it. I'm used to that. But, I can't imagine you asking."

"I wouldn't."

"Just out of curiousity, though, if you were going to ask for something for me to do, what do you think you'd pick?"

"Hmm."

Jude tugged at the side of Connor's button-up and an odd string of fear shot through Connor's stomach. Jude could say anything, and Connor worried it would change how he viewed Jude. He was already worried about what this conversation was going to do once he was alone and had time to really think about it.

"I think … I'd ask you to take this off more."

"What?"

"And hang out in a t-shirt."

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?"

"I just thought you'd ask for something else."

"Anything else would make you too uncomfortable and that'd make me uncomfortable. This, you've done before, you just don't do it often. Plus, your arms are always good fantasy material."

"Fantasy?" Connor repeated. "Um … Do you think about me while you're … I mean, if you … at all."

For all the things Connor had been able to say tonight that he normally would have been uncomfortable saying, 'masturbation' was not something that he thought he'd ever be able to verbalize in front of Jude. In some ways, the thought of Jude doing that was something he didn't want in his head. In other ways, the thought intrigued him. Not enough to want to know the details. At least, not right now.

"Yeah, sometimes … Especially after watching you in the batting cages 'cause that was just something my brain was not prepared for. Was that too weird?"

Connor laughed, letting it wash over him and erase the unease. Jude started to laugh with him and, even though nothing particularly funny had been said, they still ended up heaving for breath with giggles still escaping their lips.

"This whole conversation was weird."

"I'm glad we're able to talk about stuff like that, though. Don't you feel better for it?"

"I can trust you," Connor said. "I know that."

He undid the few buttons on the front of his plaid shirt and went to pull it off. Jude stopped him.

"Can I do it?"

"Should I ask why?"

"You could probably guess if you needed to."

Connor smirked at that, and then he shook his head. "I … don't think I could let you. I think it'd just be too much."

"That's okay," Jude said.

Connor shrugged it off his shoulders though. He'd never thought too much about the lack of taking over his button-ups lately. He knew that he could do so in front of Jude but it never seemed like something that he had to do. He hadn't though Jude had talked too much about it. He folded the button up over his forearm and then placed it on his pillow.

"I don't know what's so interesting about arms," Connor said.

"Arm muscles are really the point," Jude said. "You have really nice biceps."

"When we come back from Christmas break, we should go back to the batting cages," Connor suggested.

"You want to show off for me?" Jude teased. "Because I mentioned I liked you at the batting cages and you immediately said you wanted to go and …"

"I liked being there. You need some work on your skills anyway."

"I think my skills are kind of hopeless."

"Probably."

"But I'll go with you."

"Thank you."

Jude pulled Connor against him, so that Connor's back was against his side. He slowly ran his hands up and down Connor's arms. It was a soothing touch and even though they were sitting in a bed, Connor knew that Jude wasn't going to push him down. They were just going to sit like they were, and it was going to be nice and sweet.

"Hard to believe break is here soon. My dad's going to be landing a week from tomorrow."

"Break will be fun, baby, I believe it."

"If you keep saying it, I might start believing it too." Connor rested his head against Jude's shoulder, exposing his neck. He immediately straightened his head up. No. Even though Jude's hands were on his arms with no hint of stopping their gentle exploration of Jude's skin, Connor couldn't risk it.

Jude's thumb was on his forearm scar and it brought a few things to the front of Connor's mind. They were things from his past that he never wanted to think about and particularly didn't want to think about after a conversation about sex, particularly about sex with Jude. Someone who wasn't his ex. Jude didn't try anything, Connor knew he wasn't going to. He tried to let himself relax against Jude.

"Is there anything I should know about your dad before I meet him?"

"Nothing you don't already know, I think. He wants to like you. I think he already does, as much as he can without seeing you in person." Connor caught one of Jude's hands in his own and held it. "He knows you make me happy and that means something to him. But he thought I was happy last time too and, even though circumstances are really different, don't be surprised if he's suspicious of you."

"I'd be surprised if he wasn't," Jude said. "Knowing what I know."

He wrapped both of his arms around Connor's stomach and held Connor tightly. It was the type of thing that, in theory, Connor thought that he would hate. The idea of being so close to someone and having them squeeze him. But, in practice – with Jude, at least – he found that he liked it a lot.

"Is there anything specific you want me to tell him?"

"That you haven't said?" Jude teased. "No. I think we'll be fine."

"Do you think you're going to like him?"

"Sure. I don't think I'll dislike him," Jude said. "But one dinner isn't a lot to get to know someone and I don't think I need to tell you how hard it is to truly like someone after one meeting."

"I liked your moms."

"Yeah, but you like them a lot better now that you've seen them again, right?"

Connor had to agree. He and Jude lapsed into silence, but Connor found that relaxing too. Jude was poking around Connor's abdomen with two fingers, careful not to stray too close to Connor's neck or too close to the waist of his jeans. The touch was strange. It was foreign, to have someone touch him as a comforting thing and not to have it lead somewhere. He snuggled into Jude's side and surprised himself with a yawn.

"Should I let you get to bed?" Jude asked. "Or do you want me to stay with you?"

Connor could hear the hope in Jude's voice and while he didn't hate the thought of falling asleep next to Jude, he knew that he couldn't. It wasn't time for that yet. "In a single bed? We wouldn't be happy."

"We don't know that," Jude said. "But I can take a hint."

Connor sat up so that Jude could scoot to the edge of the bed and stand up.

"It was a good night," Jude said.

"Yeah," Connor agreed. "It was.

"And don't forget our date next week."

"I won't," Connor promised.

He shuffled after Jude to his front door. He kissed Jude before Jude could open the door. Jude's arm snaked around his back and held him close, and Connor didn't want to let him go. He wanted to cling to Jude and spend the night feeling like he had when they were cuddling just a few moments ago. Connor knew better. He knew that if he tried to preserve that feeling, he would end up falling apart. He couldn't think about falling asleep next to Jude in a bed, especially one that was so small. It wasn't something he was ready to try, and he knew that, but for the first time, he felt a little impatient with himself. He wanted to be normal. He wanted them to be like any other couple, who could do things like that when they wanted to.

"Night, baby."

"Goodnight, Jude. Text me when you get home safe."

"I will."

Jude pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead, and then he left. Connor locked his dorm door behind him and, then he dressed for bed. He sat on his bed and he could still smell faint traces of Jude's deodorant and body wash. Feeling a little embarrassed with himself, Connor turned his blanket around so that the scent of Jude was closer to him. He settled back against his pillows and waited to hear his phone chime so that he would know Jude was home safe. Connor busied his tired mind with smoothing out his comforter across his legs. His mind kept drifting between Jude and their upcoming winter break.

Jude: I'm home

Connor: okay. Goodnight

Jude: Night, baby

Connor plugged in his phone to charge while he slept and then he laid down against his pillows. For a moment, before sleep overtook him, he wished that Jude had stayed next to him.

The chapter's title is after the song On My Shoulder by Westlife. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~