Jude woke slowly, feeling warm. It wasn't the sticky, overheated feeling he got when he woke hangover. He was just warm. He opened his eyes; it was brighter inside of his bed than it normally was, and he squinted his eyes shut. He didn't understand how some people could sleep with blinds and windows open, greeting the day at the crack of dawn. Dylan had been like that. When he'd slept at Dylan's, he always done so with his head under the pillow, because he knew the sunlight would be coming after him first thing.

He opened his eyes again, because he knew that Connor was sleeping next to him, and he wanted to see that. At least, he hoped Connor was still sleeping. He had a habit of waking up early, and Jude knew that the likelihood of Connor lying there, wide awake, waiting for Jude to join him, was very high. When Jude opened his eyes, Connor was still fast asleep, curled on his side and facing Jude, one hand half-heartedly curled into a fist by his face. Jude stared at the light brown locks that fell toward Connor's eyes and felt the urge to smooth the hairs away. He knew he couldn't, but his fingers itched. He wanted to cup Connor's jaw the way that Connor did his, slide his fingers through Connor's hair when they were kissing. He looked at the pillow lying between them. It was a metaphor for their entire relationship. No matter how close they could get, there was something that was keeping them from getting as close as they should be.

Connor shifted under the blankets, pulling them tighter around himself. Jude just watched him move, thinking that Connor was beautiful. He was always attracted to his boyfriend, but there was something about Connor in sleep that made Jude think beautiful. He wasn't sure how Connor would react if Jude told him that, and he decided to make it one of those soft, morning thoughts that he kept to himself.

Connor shifted and stretched, letting out the tiniest of sounds. Jude watched Connor tuck one arm behind his head and sigh, deflating against the pillow. He cracked one eye open and then looked at Jude.

"It's morning," he whispered.

"It's morning," Jude repeated.

"I didn't have a nightmare. I … had a good sleep," Connor whispered.

"Good."

Under the blanket, Jude watched Connor's hand move around and then find his forearm. Jude smirked as Connor squeezed his arm and then tugged on him gently. Jude let Connor pull at him until Connor had Jude nestled into his side, Connor's chest to Jude's back. Jude reached down and found Connor's free arm and put it under his head.

"I forgot to ask if this was okay," Connor said.

"I think it's okay. If you think it is."

"I've never had anyone I could admit this to before," Connor started, his voice low in Jude's ear, "and it even feels dumb to think, but I've always felt like mornings should start like this. Slow, with cuddles."

"If you think people should wake up slow, then why do you wake up so early?"

"Because, what do I have to wake up to? Just an alarm."

"The nice thing about classes being over and no work to do is that there's no need for an alarm."

Jude felt Connor press his head to the back of Jude's neck and Jude closed his eyes.

"We still have studying to do, you know, for Kroeger's exam."

"I know. But it's morning. I never took you for someone who would be so mushy about mornings."

"I can be mushy about a lot of things. I just have never felt like there would be someone who would listen to me and not laugh. You're different. You've … said worse."

Jude chuckled. He wanted to turn, wanting to pull Connor close and wrap his leg around his boyfriend's hip, and make out until all of the pillows had fallen off the bed. It wasn't something he could do. Not with Connor. If he'd still been in high school and spent his rare morning waking up at Dylan's, he could have done it with his ex-boyfriend. But he didn't want that with his ex. He wanted that with his current. He wanted everything with Connor.

"Do you hate it when I do?"

"No. I don't always know what to say to it, but I like it."

Jude opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at Connor's fingers, which were loosely holding onto the edge of the pillow case. Jude reached behind him and found Connor's other arm, pulling it up and over his side.

"I'm surprised this is okay, but kissing isn't." Jude's stomach fluttered slightly. He didn't want to do anything to scare Connor, and he hated how careful he had to be sometimes, but laying in bed like this was amazing, and more than he ever expected. Not at this point. He thought he'd be left dreaming of waking up in his bed for a long time to come.

"It wouldn't have been okay last night. Seeing is believing. I think it makes me a jerk that I keep needing you to prove yourself."

The husky, sleepy tone was starting to clear from Connor's voice and Jude missed it.

"I think I usually do okay."

"You always do okay."

"That makes me feel better. Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Does that mean we're going to do this again?"

"Yes. I'd like to. Should we get up and do breakfast?"

"Five minutes," Jude said. "You're the one who said we should take mornings slow."

"I think I remember saying that."

Jude took the chance and turned over in Connor's arms, facing his chest. He drew both of his arms up to hold them against Connor's torso. His arms curled tightly around Jude and Jude leant heavily against him, wondering just how much he could get away with. He also wondered if being with Connor was always going to make him feel like a child stealing cookies and wondering how many was over the line.

"Can I tell you something else I've never told anyone else?"

"I love secrets."

"It's not really a secret," Connor said. "I've never felt so peaceful, Jude, then times like this with you."

"I'm honoured, baby." Jude lowered his head, tilting it so that he could hear Connor's heart thump. "You know what we should do?"

"What?"

"Talk about what breakfast is going to be like. Then it'll be even better when we make it."

"We can do that. What do you have?"

"Coffee."

"That's not a meal."

Jude poked Connor. "You're a liar."

"Well, I know you have eggs. I can try and find something for an omelette."

"You don't have to make breakfast foods for breakfast."

"After break, I can make you a cheeseburger omelette."

"A what?!" Jude leant backward to meet Connor's eyes. "That's a thing?"

"It is a thing."

"That's a thing I'd like to eat."

"It's a thing I can make you after break."

"It's not that early. Grocery store's open."

"You'd go to the grocery store?"

"Mhm. I'll go run and get groceries and you can pay me back with coffee and a good omelette." Jude thought of yesterday, of the conversation they'd just had. "Unless you want to come with. Or you wanna be the one to get groceries. You don't have to stay home."

"I … would rather not go outside. I'm not mentally prepared for the grocery store again."

"All right." Jude hated to do it, but he rolled out of Connor's arms to part the curtains around his bed and grab his phone off the top of the nightstand. "Write me an ingredients list? Please?"

"Of course. I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't want to cook something for you."

"Yeah, but I bulled you into cooking salmon, so if you wanted to tease me a little, I wouldn't blame you."

"You're not a bully." Connor took the phone. "Do you have hamburger?"

"No."

"Pickles?"

"There's pickles in it?"

"On it. Bacon?"

They continued back and forth until Jude had a full list of ingredients. Connor stared at the phone screen.

"It seems like a lot."

"Is it too much for a quick breakfast?"

"Quick?" Connor said, and Jude was surprised at how sharp his voice was. "Are you kicking me out?"

"No. I just meant it's not a planned meal. I like to have you here. Whenever you want."

Jude sat up and adjusted his t-shirt where it had been riding up his ribs. He stretched and groaned. "I shouldn't be too long. Anything you want that's not on the list?"

"No. I should be okay."

"Text me if you think of anything. You have a few minutes to change your mind."

Jude hated to leave Connor lying in his bed, especially when he propped himself up on one arm to watch Jude go to the dresser to find a clean shirt. Jude quickly got changed, then grabbed his wallet and car keys from the counter.

"Be home soon."

"Okay," Connor said.

It was so hard to lock the front door behind him and head up the hill to where Gerald was parked. He, admittedly, rushed through grocery shopping and probably should've been nicer to the cranky attendant who definitely didn't ask for the opening shift. He couldn't help that he was dreaming of a hot cup of coffee and a guy who was hopefully still dressed in his pyjamas waiting to pour it for him. He loaded all of the grocery bags onto his arms and carried them back down the hill, wrestling his door open with some arm flexibility that he didn't know he had. When the door creaked open, the strong smell of his coffee washed over him.

"Hey, baby."

"Coffee's done."

"Thanks. Groceries are bought and we can get cooking."

Jude wrestled the bags onto the counter and turned to face Connor, who was holding out a mug. Jude reached out and wrapped both hands around the mug, covering Connor's fingers. He tugged at Connor until it was just their hands caught between them.

"Could I have my morning kiss now?"

"I wanted you to ask," Connor confessed.

Jude leant down and kissed him. He could taste the minty tang of toothpaste on Connor's tongue, and immediately felt bad that, in his rush to get out the door, he had never thought to brush his teeth. Connor didn't seem to mind, though Jude wasn't sure Connor would say so if he did mind. Jude's hand jerked and coffee spilled over both of their fingers. Immediately, Connor pulled away and grabbed the dish towel from the sink. Jude couldn't help but notice Connor dabbed the coffee away from Jude's fingers instead of his own.

"You okay?" Jude asked, picking up Connor's hand. "It wasn't that hot, was it?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. I think that belongs to both of us. So, let's make each other breakfast."

Connor nodded, and soon the kitchen was alive with new smells and the sizzle of things in the pan. Jude was tasked with chopping up the onion, which wasn't exactly a difficult job. It just had the unfortunate side effect of making him taste onion no matter what, and it wasn't exactly a flavour that he wanted to mix with his morning coffee. He drained the last bit of it, trying not to cringe at the flavour mixture, and then sat his mug in the sink. Connor was carefully flipping the beef in the pan, eyeing it critically. As much as he liked to watch Connor work in silence, this morning, Jude felt the pull of conversation.

"Do you find it hard to memorize recipes?"

"Not really. To tell you the truth, I only use the exact measurements of things the first time I make them." Connor glanced at Jude. "Can you crack some eggs, please?"

"Sure. How many?"

"Most of them. We've got enough beef that we'll need it."

Jude found his egg carton and a large bowl to break them into. "So, you guess?"

"I like the word estimate better," Connor mused. "It's easy to remember what goes into things. I don't know if professional chefs would agree with me or not, but when I'm cooking, I feel like it's just easy for me to remember things like 'less pepper and more onion' next time I make it, and then I just … adjust when I'm actually in the kitchen. I guess that means I'm cooking for personal tastes and I don't know if that's a good thing."

"You have to like what you cook," Jude said. "I can't see how it would be a bad thing."

Connor passed him a whisk. "I don't have to like what I cook. If you liked something I hated, I'd still make it for you."

"Because you're sweet, not because you have to," Jude said.

"It's because you're so sweet that I'd do it," Connor said, not looking up at Jude as he said so.

Jude felt his heart warm and he looked down at the eggs, trying to focus on their blending yolks instead of what he was feeling inside. I love you, his whole being whispered, and he wondered if Connor knew that. He wondered if Connor had picked up on it and he had asked to wait until after Christmas to talk so he could figure it out. It was a fool's hope, but Jude always seemed to be full of those. After all, he'd thought it was a fool's hope to even be attracted to Connor in the first place, and now here they were, making breakfast in his kitchen after spending the night asleep next to one another.

"I think the eggs are ready for the pan," Connor said, shattering Jude's thoughts.

"You'd know," Jude said, obediently tilted the eggs in his bowl into the pan Connor had ready.

"If I remember correctly, I was supposed to be teaching you how to cook. I think your Moms are expecting you to make something for them."

Jude laughed. "Moms know I make sandwiches. I could try and make this, though. Jesus would like it."

"It's not that hard."

"I don't think I'll be cooking for them," Jude said honestly.

"Why not?"

"I can't let their expectations of me get that high. Otherwise, I'll never be allowed out of the kitchen."

"There are worse rooms to be trapped in," Connor said.

"I'm sure there are, but, you know, freedom tastes best."

"Wh-wh-what are you planning on doing with your freedom over break?" Connor asked quietly.

"Nothing too exciting. I'll probably be spending a lot of time at Taylor's. I think Daria's still coming home this Christmas, so she'll probably be around some too." Jude watched Connor's face, thinking that if Connor didn't ask in the next five seconds, he'd answer the real thing Connor wanted to know.

"Will you see Dylan?"

"Probably. Is that going to be a problem?"

"It shouldn't be," Connor said. "I wouldn't ask you to not see your friends, Jude."

"Honestly, I probably wouldn't listen if you did." Jude lifted himself onto the counter. "You shouldn't worry so much about Dylan and me. We're over. Have been for a long time now."

Connor put down his spatula and leant against the counter. "Is there a word for when you believe two things at once?"

"Uh, there's cognitive dissonance. Other than that, I've got nothing."

"What's that mean?"

"It's, like, the stress of having two different beliefs or doing something that is contradictory to the things you believe. Stuff like that."

"Oh."

Jude tugged at the cuff of Connor's long sleeve. "Is that what you were thinking of?"

"I don't know. Um, maybe. There's a part of me that knows you would never do anything and that's the part of me that trusts you so completely I can do things with you that even … a month ago, I was so convinced I could never do again. Then, there's the part of me that still really believes that every relationship is eventually going to turn out like my last one. That part is shrinking all the time, but it's still there. I just … am too over the place. That's not your fault. Sometimes, lately, I don't even think it's my fault … completely."

"It's not." Jude slowly ran his fingers up Connor's arm.

"Maybe I just don't want it to be. Maybe I would have ended this screwed up even if left to my own devices."

"Neither of us really believe that."

Connor picked up Jude's hands in his own. "I just want you to believe that no matter what I say, I do believe in you. And I don't believe that you're going to betray my trust either. I just … say things, sometimes, because I can to you. I know you're not going to do anything to me just for talking."

"No, of course not. Will it make you feel better if I text you whenever I'm going to see Dylan?"

Connor's eyes darted up to meet Jude quickly, and then Connor looked away again, sneaking out of Jude's grasp to turn around and start putting the finishing touches on the omelette.

"N-n-no. That's not something you should have to do."

"It's not like I won't be texting you at all over break," Jude said. "And I'm not going to mind telling you what I'm up to. It'll probably be half the conversation, right?"

"I guess so." Connor pulled two plates out of the cupboard. "What would you like to drink?"

"I'll get those, don't worry about it. What would you like?"

"I think … I'd like coffee with breakfast this time."

"Done and done."

Coffee was poured, forks were fetched, and everything was carried over to their stools.

"It tastes better than it smells," Jude said, savouring the taste. "It tastes like a real cheeseburger!"

"But the breakfast kind," Connor said. "I like breakfast foods."

"And I like how you make breakfast foods." Jude leant over and kissed Connor's cheek. He loved how Connor lit up at Jude's affection, because Jude loved giving it to him. He would love Connor as far as Connor would let him, and then wish for more.

"You know, I was thinking, Jude, we should do some studying today. I'm not as ready for Kroeger's exam as I want to be."

"Sure. I probably wouldn't study until last minute if I didn't have you to lead me into that light."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not that worried about how I'm going to do in Kroger's class so the panic to study probably won't hit actually hit me until later."

"You don't want to study?"

"I do. I'm thankful for you making me do things."

Jude nudged his knee against Connor's. Connor dropped his hand down and grabbed the top of Jude's leg. Jude bit his lip and tried not to think about yesterday, about Connor's hand heavy on the outside of his thigh and how Jude had just wanted to grip him closer and closer.

"And it's not a bad way to spend the day," Jude said.

"I feel like you're not telling the whole truth."

"Studying with you isn't a bad way to spend a day. It's not something I like to do by myself."

"That sounds like the whole truth," Connor said. "It'll be fun, Jude."

Jude didn't particularly think it would be fun, at least, not in the way Connor meant it. The fun part would be the hours ahead of them and the companionable silence of studying. Silence wasn't ever something that Jude thought he'd be appreciative of, but since meeting Connor, he'd come to realize the value of being able to just sit with one another. It had never been quite like that with he and Dylan, although some of that might have had something to do with teenaged awkwardness. They'd talked, a lot, and whenever the time for silence arose, like when Dylan was painting him and Jude had to be more immersed in whatever book he had decided to read or whatever game he had decided to play than he would normally would be, it had been borderline uncomfortable. Jude didn't know if he'd ever been truly uncomfortable with Dylan, but those were the moments he had come closest.

But with Connor, it was nice to finish breakfast together and do the breakfast clean-up, even though Connor assured him he didn't have to help, and Jude said it was only fair that he did. It was nice to gather their textbooks and Connor's painstaking notes and to sort out the best way to study. Jude ended up stretching out on the couch, making cue cards, while Connor sat on the floor, his back against the couch, so he could spread all of his things out and make sure his notes were in order. Jude diligently wrote on the cards, trying his best to make sure his handwriting was more legible than it normally was. They were able to study for two hours before Jude felt his mind start to wander, and he found the back of Connor's head more interesting than any of the facts he was supposed to be sticking on the cue cards.

Connor's hair hung low toward his shirt collar; it was getting so shaggy, in fact, that Jude couldn't see any of his neck until he bent low over the coffee table, frowning at something he'd just written. Jude wanted to slide down behind him, cradle him close like Connor was always holding Jude. He wanted to bend his head and kiss along Connor's neck, smooth his hands over Connor's chest, let his fingers pick at the button on Connor's jeans, all while Connor fell back onto him, relaxed and wanting him too.

Connor stretched, half turning, and rested his hand against Jude's ankle. "How are the cue cards?"

"Uh … being a little ignored." Jude looked down at the index cards. "There's only so long you can stare at mythology."

"Do you need a break?"

"You don't?"

"No. This is how I spend most of my days."

Jude should have expected that. Connor turned to lean against the side of the couch, his head resting on Jude's shin.

"Breaks can be good," Connor said. "I should probably take more of them."

Jude leant forward. "Then it's good we balance. You make us study, I make us take breaks. And, when we've got all day and you can stay the night again, we can take as many breaks as we want."

"I can't stay again."

"Why not? It's break."

"It's not that I don't want to. I can't."

"Why?"

"I have things to do tomorrow, and I want an early start. You have a habit of, um, tying me up."

Jude laughed. "I should be so lucky."

Connor cocked his head to the side. "So, it's not a foot fetish with you, it's a bondage thing."

Jude burst out laughing. "What?"

"What?" Connor repeated, all innocence in his eyes. "When we went to the night market, we talked about feet and now you're here saying you want to tie me up, so …"

"I know, I know. I'm just surprised you said it."

"Was it the wrong thing to say?"

"No, you're funny baby, that's all." Jude grinned. "Not that you'd let me tie you up."

"No. But, I don't think you'd ask me, either."

"A second ago, you'd decided it was my fetish."

"I asked," Connor said. "Not that you answered."

Jude deflected. "Why don't you think I'd ask?"

"We've been officially dating for almost two months but we've been close for three and we've done nothing but kiss. In a lot of other relationships, you'd have at least asked for something more. In a lot of other relationships, you'd have probably gotten it. You know I'm not there yet, and so you wouldn't ask. You're not that guy, Jude."

"If I was that guy, I wouldn't get you to date me."

"Meaning if you didn't want to date me, you would be that guy."

Jude bent forward so that his forehead was just above Connor's, their lips barely touching. "I never said that. I just meant, I want to be the best version of myself when I'm with you. Not because I think it'll make you like me more, that's just what you do to me."

"You're too much."

"And I'm not so pure that I'm not going to ask you to kiss me," Jude added.

"Then ask," Connor said.

Connor pushed himself onto the couch and Jude took a chance to slide his legs onto Connor's lap, thinking of how Connor had kissed him on the beach. He wanted that again. He wanted that to become a normal part of them; it was a stepping stone. He wanted Connor to be comfortable with physicality, and Jude could admit that desire was completely selfish on his part. Connor slowly walked two fingers from Jude's ankles to his knee. Jude's leg jerked.

"That kind of tickles."

"Sorry."

"Not necessarily bad. I thought you were going to kiss me."

"I thought you were going to ask me to."

"Will you kiss me, baby?"

Connor cradled Jude's jaw in his hands and slowly pressed their lips together. Jude knew immediately that he wasn't going to get the steamed kiss that he was hoping for, but he wondered if he was imagining the underlying heat that steamed their kiss. He didn't think that he could make up a feeling like that, particularly if it was one-sided. When Connor's lips left his, Jude just felt the feeling of satisfaction; the kind of welcoming feeling one got when walking into their own home after a long trip away.

"So, what do you have to do tomorrow, anyway?" Jude asked.

"Christmas shopping," Connor said. "I don't have anything for Dad or you."

"You don't have to get me anything."

"Of course I do. That's what Christmas is for, giving gifts to the people that matter to you. Also, you have something for me."

"That doesn't matter. I just saw something I thought you would like, that's all."

"What would you like?" Connor asked. "I'm not sure I know what to get you."

You could decide to spend the night half-naked in my bed. "I'm sure you'll find me something great, baby. It's the thought that counts and all of that."

"I think I fail at that too. I've been thinking, Jude, and I just don't know. I'm not so good at picking out gifts."

"There's nothing I really need."

"That's part of the problem too," Connor said. "I think I think about things that are too useful, but you don't need anything like that either."

"The cactuses weren't useful and I really liked those. You could keep adding to my collection." Jude propped his elbow up on the back of the couch.

Connor shrugged and shifted in his spot, lying his hands on Jude's legs. "But you didn't care about cactuses before me."

"I care now."

Connor tugged at Jude's shirt and Jude leant forward. "What?"

"You're usually so good at giving me a straight answer."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me?"

"No!" Connor shook his head and then he paused. "Why? Would that work? I don't think I could do it, but I'd at least think about it if it'd work."

Jude laughed. "You could try it. Honestly, I can't think of anything."

"If you think of something before tomorrow …"

"I will tell you," Jude promised. "What are you getting your dad?"

"I don't know. Mom always bought him a chocolate orange for his stocking, so I know I'm going to get him one of those. Other than that, he's like you. I don't know what he wants or what he needs. I guess that's because I don't really know him."

"I'm sure he'd love whatever you got him. It's got to be special to spend this Christmas with you."

Connor nodded. "I keep hoping when I go shopping that something will just jump out at me, but I don't think that's how it works."

"Sometimes it can."

"I guess I'll see tomorrow." Connor kissed Jude briefly. "We should go back to studying."

"I thought we were taking a break."

"We did! That was a break."

"You and I define break very differently," Jude said, laughing. "Come on, I know you're already good at this stuff. We can take a longer break, can't we?"

"How well do you know this stuff?"

"I'll pass the exam," Jude said confidently, nudging his nose against Connor's. "What's a longer break going to hurt?"

"Nothing, I guess," Connor said, and then he kissed Jude first.

Jude melted into Connor, thinking of nothing but the heat of Connor's hands and the fact that Jude was too in love him. But he could deal with one of those two things later.

The chapter's title is after the song Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson (reader recommended). If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~