Tris
So, it's been a while(weeks) since I've talked to Four, after he kissed me(drunk). I'll admit I feel depressed as hell, I've been avoiding his apartment, Zeke, Uriah, and Will, which also means Christina, like a plague because I don't want to hear how bad I made him feel. I don't want to be given the latest about Four and his one night do overs. Admittedly I've gone back into this shell I had back in high school, and you know it's sad when the only people you talk to are the kid's you nanny. Also their mom, Joan, she bribed me with cookies. And man those were some bomb cookies. Totally worth her being my therapist/woman-who-pays-me. I would talk to my brother because he's the worlds finest problem solver, but he left town two days before Four… you know.
I think it's safe to say that I've gone into full fall out mode. It literally feels like a 13 kiloton nitrogen bomb has gone off in the depths of my body and mind, and let me tell you, it feels really shitty. Normal people who I don't know that aren't my friends would be like 'You're totally over reacting,' but nah, I really liked Four. Which, right now sounds pretty stupid. A) he's a player and he's bound to cheat on me, b) we never really spent time enough together to get to know each other. Why don't I just fix this? Because honestly, I don't want to go out with someone when I know I'm going to be hurt, plus it's easier to get over someone if you act like they don't exist. Which is pretty hard because it hurts like a bitch. I would be with Four, but he disappointed me. He was too drunk to stay upright on his feet and he had the nerve to just kiss me.
Later that night, I made the foolish decision to check my phone, and the only texts I got were from Christina. Who I told to be careful and safe because I didn't want to go to the club. Honestly clubbing and going to huge parties aren't my thing. Anyway, it was 16 or 17 texts or something telling me how much he had to drink and that there was this girl that he was flirting with. That there was a lot of touching and they went into the bathrooms together. I don't want to fix my almost friendship with Four because I don't want to be one of those girls to him. And I'm not like that, at all. It just pisses me off that because he has all these girls that he can do whatever he wants with me.
Whatever, the weird thing is that when I'm upset Christina and my apartment is really clean. Like, all the time. I would just go in my room and mope, but it's depressing as hell in there, because out of a fit of frustration I ripped all my posters off my walls and messed up my bed, I also, maybe, took my closet door off it's hinges. Hey I was mad okay!? And a little bit confused, which if I stopped to think about it, I got angrier. So I settled the next day for blasting Icon For Hire and cleaning the mess I made. No I don't have mood swings and I'm not crazy, well that may be debatable, but I do have a point where I lose my patients. Which is when I settle for trashing a room rather than beating the crap out of someone.
It's now when I'm ocd-ing in the kitchen about how clean the counters and floors are when I notice the trash. Which is when I realize I've been living off of coffee and blueberry rock sugar muffins for the past week. I almost want to laugh at my ridiculousness. Seeing that makes me check the fridge for food, and it explains why Christina keeps ordering take out. It's empty, like, seriously, there's nothing in it. Now that's sad. Well I know what I'm doing for the next few hours.
I take a shower and get dressed in decent clothes. Meaning tight jeans, converse, and a jacket. I grab my phone and earbuds and start playing music. Locking up the place and hopping into my Chevy. The drive is quick and surprisingly I find a good place in front of the store. When I walk in my stomach grumbles at me, everyone says you shouldn't shop when you're hungry but fuck it, I'm already here. So, I don't have to work today so I should make some food for Chrissy, I take out my phone and text her.
No more take out Chrissy you're eating amazingness tonight :) She replies instantly.
Christina: omg r u serious? ur back! omg my trissy is back!
Haha no, I'm just making dinner, so stop buying take out crap
Christina: omg sweet! Can i inv?
Who? Leave it to her to want to invite people over. She takes a minute.
Christina: Like, u kno, th girls? I stare at my phone for a moment, stopping and leaning against the shopping cart. I know my best friend. She only says 'like' when she's lying. She's not very good at hiding it from me, in fact she's a shitty liar.
Just the girls?
Christina: Yep, 'nd Will?
Nope can't do
Christina: Aweee come oonnnnnnnn
No
Christina: Fine then, u eat alone I stand there against my shopping cart and laugh, like, really loud.
You and I both know you're going to be there for a night of Indian cuisine
Christina: omg Indian food! i hate ur guts Tris Prior, but i luv u, c u 2nite!XD And that's all it takes. I slip my phone back into my butt pocket and start looking for the ingredients. I'm in the spice section looking for season salt the last thing I need and I can't find it, there's this guy in front of it I think. Cause he's standing there, looking at a list in his hand with obviously no clue. He's probably shopping for a girlfriend or something. I allow myself to snicker before I say "Excuse me, I need season salt?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry," He says, only glancing at me, his voice is rough and strained. I step forward and easily find it, nodding a thanks to him. "Tris…" He says, I stand still, do I know him? I have my hair in a tight ponytail and I have a baseball cap on for tribal. Normally people don't recognize me. I turn slowly, looking at the man, and see that it's not a stranger, and in fact it's the person I've been hoping to avoid all this time. "Four," My voice is a whisper.
"Hey," He says, standing there and staring at me like an idiot.
"Uhm, hi," I respond, God what's wrong with me? I'm talking to him.
"You look good," He says awkwardly,
"So do you," No, he looks terrible, like he got hit by a train. Not literally but, he looks pretty bad. He just stares at me. We stand there for so long just looking at eachother that I've started to pick off the plastic around the spice in my hand. "Uhm, I have to go, I'll see you around maybe," I say, tossing the spice in the cart. I start walking to check out when he calls my name in distress, "Tris wait, I need to talk to you," And I hear his footsteps behind me. I'm at the checkout lane when he grabs my arm and makes me face him, "Tris please," I glare at him.
"There's nothing to talk about," I say yanking my arm from him.
"No there is, I haven't even looked at a girl for the past two weeks," I stop unloading things and look at him.
"And why is that?"
"I don't want to,"
"You don't have to look at a girl to fuck her Four," He looks down ashamed,
"Tris please, you're the only thing on my mind, the only thing that's been on my mind for about a month now,"
"Save it," I hiss, "It's nothing you haven't told me when you were drunk!" I yell, getting a few looks.
"Tris I made a mistake, I was drunk and I didn't know any better. Just please hear me out," I flinch, I don't know what hurt worse, the fact that he said kissing me was a mistake, or that he implied that he wouldn't kiss me at all had he been sober. I'm crying now in front of all these people, so I say the first thing that comes to mind, "Go fuck yourself Four," this time it's he, who flinches. And I expect him to yell at me, but instead he nods slowly looking at the floor. "Okay," he says, before looking at me, his eyes so blue. "Goodbye Tris," he mumbles. And it looks like he wants to come up to me but he refrains from doing so. Part of me wants to apologize and hug him and make everything better, but the other part of me is telling me that pushing him away is better for both of us. He didn't mind being a player. Nothing stopping him from going back.
He looks at me a moment, and after what looks like a debate with himself, he walks over to me in two strides and hugs me. I stand there clenching my hands into fists, not hugging back. It's a nice, warm feeling, a comfortable feeling. But I fight it. He lets go after a moment apologizing before he leaves. I can't bear to look at him anymore so I turn my attention to unloading the rest of my items. The cashier giving me wary looks. My face is probably red and puffy. He finishes and tells me the total, which I pay in exact amount. He nods to me and says "Thank you m'am,"
"Yeah,"
"Have a nice day," he says,
"Mhm," I hum in response, leaving quickly and putting everything in my car. It's only now when I sit in the driver seat of my car that I realize I just ruined any chance of fixing what we both just fucked up on. Just like that I start crying again.
God I am so sorry, I know this is late, but better late than never right? Psh I would yell 'no' at my computer too... Heh but I have a legit excuse, I got enrolled in school again.. Yaaaay...