Connor stepped into his room, breathing out a sigh of relief at finally being home. The flight back from New York had been more chaotic – more people, more movement, and more turbulence. The airport had also been a mess, with several outgoing flights delayed because of weather at their destinations, which lead to crowds that Connor had been nowhere near prepared to deal with. Next time he went somewhere, he was not going during a holiday. Particularly one where he was going to end up crushed in a long queue of people desperate for taxis.

Connor rolled his suitcase further into his room so that Adam could come in too and close the door behind him. He busied himself with checking on his cactuses.

"Happy to be back?" Adam asked, and Connor nodded.

"I like it here."

"Are you seeing Jude tonight?"

Connor nodded. "Unless, um, you wanted to do something."

"No, my flight is leaving early this evening, so I'm just going to go back to the airport once you've unpacked the suitcase."

"Thank you for flying back with me," Connor said. "You didn't have to."

"I know you wouldn't have been happy on your own," Adam said, and Connor knew that was an understatement. "And I'm happy to spend a few more moments with you."

Connor pulled some of the clothes out of the suitcase; he was unsure what to say to that. He was grateful that Adam felt that way and grateful that Adam was willing to go this far for him. Since the revelation about Amelia, though, Connor had been starting to wonder more and more if Adam was doing it out of guilt, even though Connor thought he felt that way before, everything else he learnt only made him more convinced of that. Connor finished spilling the contents of his suitcase onto his bed and zipped it up.

"Would you like me to drive you to Jude's?" Adam offered.

Connor glanced at the clock, feeling nerves in his stomach. He was home far earlier than he'd told Jude, and on purpose. He'd wanted to surprise his boyfriend. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but now that he was here, he was worried Jude would be angry with him. After all, Connor had lied. It didn't matter what the purpose or intent was. Connor had lied.

"Yes," he said. Jude should be home by now. "Please, take me."

Adam took the suitcase out the door and Connor took a few moments to pack his backpack as an overnight bag, stuffing in Ampelos and an extra set of clothing. He took care to lock his door tightly and then he and Adam were in the elevator, and then down into the parking lot. Connor didn't feel much like talking on the drive over, though he did get Adam to drop him off a few houses ahead of Jude's.

"I hope you had fun on the trip, at least," Adam said, "even with some of the things that happened."

Connor pressed his hand to his chest, feeling his mother's rings. "I did. I am glad we went, especially together."

"Will you come home this summer?"

"I – I, um, well, I can stay in my room this summer. I was hoping, uh, to do that. Instead."

"I didn't mean the whole summer," Adam said quickly. "But I was hoping for a couple of weeks. Maybe one at the beginning of summer and one at the end. You have time to think about it."

"I will," Connor promised. "A week doesn't seem so bad."

It might be, though. It might be a terrible decision. It might bring back a flood of things from this time last year and all of the things that he had been through and felt at that time. It might not be good for him. It also might be good for him. It might be good to go back as a different person and be able to prove to himself that he was stronger than the pain that he left there.

"You can bring Jude," Adam said. "If that's what you want, I'll buy you both plane tickets."

"Really?"

"Really," Adam said. "It would count as your birthday gift, but I would."

Connor smiled and realized now was the moment that he should hug his father, if he were able. Despite his hopes to be at that point, he and Adam weren't. Still, he reached out his hand and placed it upon Adam's shoulder. He couldn't remember the last time he had intentionally touched his father; he'd been avoiding it the entire trip to New York. Adam smiled back at him, reaching up and touching Connor's arm. It was just a little too much for him and Connor pulled back.

"Have a safe flight," Connor said.

"Tell Jude 'happy New Year'," Adam said. "I'll let you know when I get home. Have a good night."

"Thanks, Dad."

Connor slipped out of the car and shouldered his bag. He waved goodbye to his father and then headed down the street, nervous about surprising Jude.

(-.-)

Jude turned his music up a little louder, trying to keep himself awake. He yawned into his arm and opened his fridge door. He flipped the steaks over, checking the marinade on them. He'd gotten up even earlier this morning than he had to, because when he was looking up how to marinate steaks, he realized that they should probably be sitting for longer than he was planning on having them to. He closed the door and looked at his counter. Vegetables.

To deal with later. Connor wasn't going to be home for a couple of hours.

Jude grinned at the thought of it. He wanted Connor home, even though he knew that this, probably, wasn't what Connor considered home. He glanced at the door, as if that would make Connor appear, but there was nothing. Jude flopped on the couch, his eyelids feeling heavy, and he rubbed at his eyes. He checked the time on his phone. Hours until Connor landed. And, even though he had told Connor he'd be too excited to sleep, and he did feel the jitters, the exhaustion was so much stronger than he had originally thought it would be. He turned on a show, just to have something in the background, and then he pulled the plaid blanket over him.

Jude closed his eyes and nestled in on the couch, ending up tossing and turning slightly. It was just like he had told Connor over the phone – just because there was more room on the couch didn't mean that he was more comfortable. He hoped Connor's plane got in early; he just wanted to see Connor's face and hold him close. His mind slowly began to drift and sleep felt like it was close when he thought he heard something. He almost went to sit up and then dismissed it; he didn't often hear Melanie moving around upstairs, but that didn't mean he never did, and it had just been a thump. It wasn't a big deal. And then the doorknob rattled.

Jude sat up, feeling, for the briefest moment, like he understood Connor's paranoia, and then he heard the lock click, and that washed away. If it had been Melanie, she would have knocked, and there was only one other person with a key. But he still didn't believe it until Connor's face poked around the side of the door.

"Hi," Connor whispered.

"Hi!" Jude sprung off the couch, suddenly feeling energetic. "Baby, you're early!"

"I wanted to surprise you," Connor said, stepping inside and locking the door behind him. "Is that …"

Jude waited, but then several moments passed, and Connor just stood there, watching him. "Is that what?"

"Well, I was going to ask if it was okay, but now I can just kind of see it on your face that it is okay."

Jude let his grin take over his face and rushed the few steps it took to get to Connor. He pulled his boyfriend into his arms and Connor dropped his backpack to the floor to grab onto Jude. Jude spun him in a quick circle and then nuzzled Connor's hair. Connor was holding him more tightly than Jude thought he ever had before.

"You missed me too, didn't you?" Jude teased.

"Yes," Connor said, his voice muffled.

"Not avoiding me now," Jude added.

"No!" Connor tilted his head back. "Jude, I am sorry about that."

"I know, I know," Jude said, and he bent his head, pressing a kiss to Connor's cheek. "And we'll talk about it."

"Tomorrow," Connor said, pressing his hand to Jude's chest so that Jude would look at him again. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?"

"Because I'm sleepy and you're sleepy," Connor said, touching one of Jude's dark circles. "And so we should wait to talk about important things so we can listen properly and make sure we can say the right things, right?"

"Right," Jude agreed, and then he couldn't take it anymore.

Jude bent his head and kissed Connor deeply. Jude's heart thudded as Connor hugged him even more tightly, wrapping one of his hands around Jude's hand. He was holding Jude to him and Jude was glad for it; he was glad to feel that want in Connor's arms and in his kiss. Jude let one hand slip as far down Connor's back as he would let it go and then he pressed Connor even more to him. He wanted to feel the entirety of Connor's body against his own. Connor kissed him back with a fervor that matched his own, until Jude felt like his lungs were going to burst and, even when they had to breathe, Connor cradled Jude's head in both of his hands and held their foreheads pressed together.

"You okay, baby?"

"I underestimated how much I missed being actually with you," Connor confessed.

"Does that scare you?"

"Yeah. But not in a bad way. It's nice to know, for sure, that I can do it without you and it's a want to be with you instead of need to be with you." Connor paused, considering. "I mean, I didn't do it entirely by myself. I guess I called you a lot, but, going that far and going out so much and being around people so much with my Dad felt big for me. He's someone I can count on, I know that, but he's not someone I can open up to. Do you get it?"

"I get it."

Jude kissed him lightly.

"Jude? Can we sit down? My legs are really tired."

"Yeah, come on."

Jude grabbed his hand and tugged him over to the couch, sitting first, before pulling Connor down with him. Connor laughed a little and then snuggled into Jude, getting closer than Jude thought he would. He rested his back against the arm of the couch and draped his legs over Jude's lap. Jude was tempted to pull him even closer so that he was actually sitting on Jude's lap, but he resisted that temptation. Much like the dream had, it would probably send Connor into a spiral. He just pulled Connor's arm around his neck so he could rest his head against Connor's shoulder.

"I like this," Jude said.

"Me too."

Jude snaked his arm across Connor's chest, but he felt something underneath his shirt. Jude picked at it. "What's this?"

"Oh." Connor pulled at his neck and Jude looked up to see a gold chain emerge from under Connor's shirt. "Dad gave me Mom's rings."

The chain was long enough that Jude didn't feel like he was imposing into Connor's space to pick up the rings.

"They're beautiful, baby," Jude said. "You happy to have them?"

"Yes. Of course." Connor reached up his hand and held onto Jude's. "I'm glad I took that trip. I'm also glad that I'm here again."

"And we have a few days before classes start, just for us," Jude said. "And then you're going to take a poetry class. Are you going to read me poetry?"

"If you want me to," Connor said. "I'll read you the good poetry, I promise."

"Pinkie promise?"

Connor linked their pinkies together, and then Connor pulled him in for another quick kiss.

"Are you staying with me tonight?"

"Yes," Connor said.

"Good. I have steak in the fridge for you. When we're hungry."

"Sooner rather than later?" Connor suggested. "I'm kind of tired."

"Do we want to make it late-ish lunch instead of supper?" Jude asked. "Then we have leftovers to pick at."

"We can," Connor said, "but I also just want to stay like this for a little longer."

Jude was happy with that. He rested his head against Connor's chest and pulled the blanket up around the two of them. He listened to Connor's heart thud and it was like a lullaby. His eyes began to drift and he had to perk his head up and shake it, just in an attempt to keep himself awake.

"How was your shift?" Connor asked when Jude glanced at him.

"Slow," Jude said. "And, really, unimportant."

Jude shifted around until he was on his stomach, mostly lying on top of Connor. He waited to see if Connor would protest and when he didn't, Jude made himself even more comfortable. He wanted to say something but he also just wanted to stay quiet and take in being face to face with Connor. One of Connor's hands traced down the length of Jude's spine and it raised goosebumps on his arms.

"Will you tell me you missed me?" Jude asked.

"Again?"

"Please." He was a little needy, but that was okay.

"I did miss you," Connor said. "I missed you a lot."

"And you're sure being this close doesn't bother you after your dream?"

"No," Connor said, though his eyes shifted. "It's easier in person because I can really grasp onto who you are and not re-create things in my head in the wrong way. It's always a problem, Jude, that I want you to be worse than you are. I don't know how to deal with how nice you are sometimes."

"Because you're still stuck on your ex?" Jude asked, and he almost regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He didn't usually like to be the one to bring it up; he waited for Connor to want to share. He kept back that feeling, though. He couldn't keep protecting Connor from how he was feeling – it was as Connor, himself, as said, and something that Taylor had also said.

"Not stuck," Connor said. "That makes it sound like I would rather be there and that's definitely not the case. But he's in my head a lot. He's embedded."

"Like a parasite?"

Jude was relieved when Connor smiled crookedly. "It's not inaccurate. One of those mind-control parasites."

"You can break free!" Jude said, trying to sound optimistic. If he were being honest, he was flat out hoping that Connor did and that, in the end, there was no last bit of him that belonged to his ex. It wasn't that Jude wanted to own him, even though a voice in the back of his head whispered that this kind of thinking was close to straying into that territory. Rather, he wanted Connor to own himself so that he could give himself to Jude. To Jude, it seemed a much better way to phrase it.

"Thanks, Jude. You help."

Jude kissed Connor's cheek; he wanted to help, mostly for Connor, but also because he was a little selfish. He almost said that to Connor, sure on some level that Connor already knew and understood, but before he could start to phrase the words, Connor turned his head and kissed him, and Jude melted.

"I don't want to be his forever," Connor whispered.

"You're not his," Jude said automatically, his heart plummeting. He wished Connor looked convinced of it too.

"I have to belong to someone," Connor said, and then Jude saw a shadow cross his face. "That's not something normal people say."

"Not really," Jude said. "But, you know, you can belong to you."

"Not while I'm still trying to decide whether or not I love him," Connor said.

Jude's mouth went dry. "I thought you said that you didn't. And that you knew that."

If Connor noticed the edge of panic in Jude's voice, he didn't show it.

"I know but I also said it was something I still struggle with, remember?"

Faintly. Jude remembered that faintly.

"I bounce back and forth a lot," Connor continued, "because I can't decide if it's worse if I never loved him or still do love him. I just know I'm not free of him. I'm not free of what happened to me. This time last year, I was just getting home from the hospital and adjusting to life without him. It's really not that far away. He's still so close. I feel that, a lot. Maybe … Uh, no. I know that's why I struggle so much when it comes to us and being torn between wanting it and not being able to do it. You should have met me five years from now. I'd like to think I'd be a lot different then."

"I'm here now," Jude said. "And I think we're doing okay. I'm always here for you, baby. We … Uh, we don't need to rush anything."

Like falling in love. Like being in love. Of course, he wanted Connor to know. Of course, he felt like he was hiding things from his boyfriend by not saying it. But he couldn't let those thoughts drown out what Connor was clearly telling him he needed from him. It could wait. It wasn't going to wait long, Jude knew, but he wasn't going to hurtle forward at the speed of light. Maybe he should wait. Maybe he should wait until things were a little better. If he waited, even for another month or two, then Connor might react a little better, though Jude knew to keep himself from getting his hopes up that Connor would be truly happy about it.

He was more confused now. The more he tried to think about it, the worse it got. He knew, then, that even though he was completely sure of his feelings, he wasn't sure about going about it. It wasn't fair to Connor to say anything unless he knew he was going to do it right.

"I know we don't," Connor murmured, "and that means a lot to me too."

Connor kissed him softly and Jude felt oddly guilty. He rested one hand across Connor's stomach and held onto him. Connor rested against him and then Jude felt Connor's stomach gurgle.

"Hungry?"

"A little," Connor admitted.

"Then let's get supper started."

"It's too early to call it supper," Connor protested. "Late lunch?"

"That's longer to say," Jude protested. He considered things for a moment and then said, "Lupper."

"Lupper," Connor repeated flatly.

"Lunch-supper," Jude said. "Let's get up. I've got mediocre food waiting to be cooked."

"Give yourself some credit."

Jude grinned. "I say the same thing to you all the time."

He rubbed the end of his nose against Connor's and then kissed him quickly, before getting off the couch and helping Connor do the same. He took Connor's hand and guided him over to the stools.

"Am I being exiled?" Connor asked, sitting as Jude asked.

"No. But I promised I would cook for you and I know you won't be able to stand in the kitchen and not help, so I'm going to stick you here. Or anywhere outside of the kitchen that you'd like."

"Here's fine," Connor said, "but I think I'll grab my journal."

Jude squeezed his hand and headed into the kitchen. It was just going to be a simple dinner: steak, potatoes, and carrots. He started peel the potatoes in the sink, watching Connor slowly write down a few things.

"Writer's block?"

"Kind of. I just have nothing, really, that I want to write down. I did a lot of writing about my trip before we left the hotel. There's nothing really left."

"Hmm," Jude mused, trying not to cut off a chunk of his thumb. Before he could speak up, Connor's phone vibrated. He guessed, "Jake?"

"No. An e-mail. From my poetry professor."

"Welcome to the class?"

"Yeah. Looks like that. There's a link to a blog too."

"What kind of blog?" Jude asked, and then thought it was probably a poetry blog. Why would Connor's poetry professor send him anything else?

"Poetry, quotes, song lyrics, some random pretty pictures," Connor said, scrolling quickly through his phone. "She said we don't have to look at it, but, if we have time, we might find things interesting."

"Will you read me something while I cook?" Jude asked.

"Sure," Connor agreed.

Things were quiet for a moment, and then he heard Connor laugh softly.

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me," Connor recited. "Dr. Seuss apparently said that."

"I like it," Jude said.

The potatoes finished, he quickly started to peel the carrots. They were easier to do and he was quickly cutting them up to go in the pot. He was getting overwhelmed by doing three relatively simple things. He couldn't imagine doing what Connor did and balancing three different dishes at once.

"Oh," Connor said.

"Oh, what?"

"I don't really read poetry," Connor said. "I didn't realize that other people's words could really ring so true."

"What kind of words are you reading?" Jude asked.

Everything was okay to cook on its own for a few minutes, and so Jude circled around to lean on the counter next to Connor. Connor cocked his head to the side so that he was resting against Jude.

"This one's called Fear Of Commitment, by Beau Taplin," Connor said. "I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of surrendering control too quickly, of placing my heart into hands that won't know how to hold it."

Jude circled his arms around Connor. "It's a learning curve."

"The more I know you, the less scared I am that you are going to hurt me," Connor said, "but I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to be without fear."

"We'll see if we ever get there." Jude kissed Connor's cheek and glanced at his phone. Jude reached over and scrolled down a few of the blog posts, pausing when Connor said, "I just … Oh. Just wish I was different. You deserve different."

"But I like you." Jude kissed his cheek again and then he read, "You must stop the haunting thinking that you are not enough for me. You spend so much time being exhausted with yourself that you truly forget nothing can ever steal away the way in which I love you. I love you without rewards, without reasons and without days: For in my eyes the clocks sleep and the seconds dream every moment your hand is curled around mine."

"That's … overwhelming."

"Christopher Poindexter wrote it, not me," Jude said, but he knew what Connor met. He hadn't read to the end of the quote when he started talking. Maybe he would have thought twice.

"I know," Connor said, his voice fading. "Jude?"

"What?"

"I know you told me not to say anything about the kitchen tonight, but the potatoes are about to boil over."

"What? Oh! Thanks, baby."

Jude hurried back into the kitchen, rescuing the potatoes. He fumbled around, mashing them up and mixing in milk and butter. Connor read him a few more quotes, but mostly just light, sweet things. Jude finished making dinner and put it on plates. It looked slightly sad, compared to what Connor could make, but Jude just glanced at his boyfriend. Connor was going to appreciate the fact that he had tried; Jude knew that he had tried.

When Jude put the plate down in front of Connor, the first thing that he did was thank Jude for it. Connor linked their feet as they ate, more quietly than they usually did, but it was nice. It was nice to be able to just sit together after their weeks apart. When their plates were almost empty, Jude had to break the silence.

"So, what now?"

"Mmm," Connor said.

Jude knew that sound, and he pressed slightly. Connor knew what he wanted, but he didn't feel like he should say it. Connor made a small sound, but then he gave in.

"I kind of want to lay down in bed. I kind of want to watch a movie."

"We can watch a movie in bed," Jude said. "We can put the useless laptop on the nightstand."

Connor turned his head slightly, looking over the rest of the room. "I don't think I've ever seen you use that laptop."

"Because it's a million years old and it doesn't really do much anymore but, come on, let's see if we can get it to do things."

They put away their dirty dishes and then got ready for bed. Jude was sitting in his bed, waiting for the old laptop to bring up the internet browser. He looked up when Connor left the bathroom, wearing his dark sweatpants and his white shirt. Those arms. The things that he would do to see Connor topless. Connor climbed up next to him on the bed, resting his head against Jude's shoulder.

"What are we going to watch?"

"I don't know. I was thinking something funny? We usually like something funny."

"Yeah. You pick. I trust you."

"We'll see what's on Netflix, anyway. That'll limit our choices." Jude bent over the laptop, typing. The old machine whirred, as if it were annoyed.

Behind Jude, Connor started moving around pillows and blankets. Jude didn't pay a whole lot of attention to him, until he felt Connor's presence behind him and Connor's strong hands on his shoulders. Jude leant back into the unexpected massage, letting out a moan and forgetting about anything else.

"What's this for?" Jude asked.

"Oh. Um. Well, I j-j-j-just …" Connor sighed. "I'm not going to lie, Jude. It's just pure habit. I, um, didn't really think about it."

"Oh." Jude hadn't meant to sound like he was pouting, but he sort of was, even though he was expecting it. Something like that wasn't really in Connor's nature to just do, out of the blue. He'd do it, but Jude would have to ask for it.

"Do you want me to stop?" Connor's hands slowed.

Jude reached up and took Connor's hands in his own, wrapped his arms around Jude's own body, and curled into him. Connor held him tightly and pressed his lips to Jude's forehead. Jude wanted to lean his head back further and kiss his boyfriend, but he bit the inside of his lip and held it back. He kept himself mostly in Connor's lap as he leant forward and put on a movie – any movie; the first movie he thought they'd be interested in. Then, he grabbed a blanket and pulled it up over the two of them, as they laid down on Jude's pillow pile.

"You can't see if you lay like that."

"That doesn't matter," Jude said. He was more comfortable this way and he knew that he was probably going to fall asleep soon.

"Did I upset you?" Connor asked.

"It's just one of those things, baby. Sometimes I end up thinking about whether or not you're really seeing me sometimes. Or if you're seeing him."

It was one of those days that Connor's ex just wouldn't leave the two of them alone. Jude also had to wonder if it bothered Connor the same way that it bothered him. Jude didn't want Connor's ex to be this involved in their relationship. He was gone, long gone. Jude was morbidly curious sometimes but, then, after that, he was repulsed by it. The man who had destroyed Connor so thoroughly wasn't someone to be curious about.

"It's you." Connor's thick fingers slid underneath of Jude's chin and Jude tilted his head back to look into Connor's bright eyes. "It's you."

Connor was so transparent. Jude would almost like to see him lie to someone, just to know what it looked like.

"Please believe me," Connor added.

"I do" Jude promised.

"I'll never give you a back massage."

"Let's not go that far," Jude said quickly, and Connor laughed. "We'll talk about it later."

"Later," Connor echoed. "I think I'm going to be asleep before this movie's over."

"Me too," Jude said. "Do we need to set up the pillow?"

"We should," Connor said, "but I don't want to."

"We'll see what happens in the morning, I guess," Jude murmured.

"We'll see."

Connor kissed his head again and Jude let his eyes drift shut. Morning. Or midnight, depending on when they woke up. But it would be fine. Connor tucked the blankets tighter around them. It would be more than fine.

The chapter's title is after the song Rescue You by High Valley. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~