Jude woke happy, stretching out on his side of the bed. At some point during the night, he and Connor had rolled away from one another. He flopped around, grabbing his phone and checking the time. Just after five a.m. Jude couldn't remember the last time he'd been awake at five a.m. when he hadn't had to work. He dropped his phone back on the nightstand, cringing at the noise.

"Jude?"

"It was just me," Jude said. "The noise, I mean."

He couldn't tell which one of them sounded more asleep.

"Promise?"

"Yes."

Jude flopped back against his pillows and then he felt Connor's hand, tugging at his hip. Jude rolled into Connor, fitting his body around the shape of his boyfriend's. Connor's breath tickled at the back of his neck and goosebumps rose on Jude's arm.

"It's early."

"I'm always up early," Connor murmured. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like the dead."

Jude took both of Connor's hands in his own, tightening Connor's arms around him. His eyes half-drifted shut again. It was so cozy and warm under the blankets and he wanted to fall asleep again, even though he knew that he'd slept too long and he might not be able to manage it. But he loved that Connor loved slow mornings. It didn't seem like something that he would like; Jude would have pegged him for someone who had to get out of bed when he first woke up.

"Are you going back to sleep?"

"No," Jude said, and he squeezed Connor's hand. "You're safe."

"Easy to say," Connor mused, and Jude felt a little bad about that.

"Nothing's going to get you here," Jude assured him.

"So far, that's been true." Connor stifled a yawn and then he tucked his head down against Jude's shoulder again.

Their wake up was so slow that it was until after seven, when Jude was just starting to feel the beginning of his caffeine headache, that they actually got out of bed, stumbling around between the kitchen and the bathroom until they ended up on the couch, mugs in their hands.

"Do you miss waking up in New York?" Jude asked.

"No. It was nice to visit and it was good, but waking up here feels better. I don't know if I have the words to say why." Connor shrugged. "Maybe … No, never mind."

Jude stretched his leg across the couch to poke his boyfriend's thigh. "If I'm not allowed to do that, you're not allowed to do that."

"Can I ask a question first?"

"Sure."

"H-h-how long do you think we'll know each other?"

Jude swallowed a mouthful of coffee before saying, "A while, yet. A long time, I hope. I can't say we'll be like this forever –"

"Especially not after just a few months," Connor interrupted, and Jude's stomach clenched.

"Right," Jude said, though he didn't feel that way. He could agree that, sometimes, a few months just wasn't enough time to know and, yet, in other cases, he felt like a few months were enough to be sure. Enough to be sure of certain things, at least. He wasn't sure that he and Connor would be a couple forever, but he was sure that he and Connor were going to be in each other's lives for a very long time. He was sure that he was in love with the man that Connor was and that he didn't want to miss out on the man that Connor would become. "But, um, I'd like to keep you around for a while, you know? I like us and I think we keep getting better."

"I agree," Connor said. "I was going to say that maybe, if we were together long enough, we might go to New York. Sometime. Eventually. Maybe."

Jude grinned. "I'd like that. We can also – sometime, eventually, maybe – travel to other places."

"New York has left me tired of travelling. For a while," Connor said.

"So, it's not me, it's you?" Jude asked.

Connor laughed. "Usually me, I know. But, m-m-maybe someday."

"I like talking about someday with you," Jude said honestly.

"It could be worse," Connor said.

Jude laughed. "I'll talk it."

"Should we, um, maybe talk about other things?" Connor said. "It's after Christmas."

"It is," Jude agreed. He finished off his coffee and put the mug down on the table, bringing his knees up against the back of the couch. For weeks, he thought that he'd known exactly what he was going to say. He wasn't going to waver; he was in love with Connor and Connor should know. But, now, it was zero hour and Jude just didn't know what the best thing was for both of them.

"We said a lot over the phone, you know, and I just wanted to say again that I didn't mean to hurt you about the dream I had. I'm just still not sure how to handle something like that. Or anything about sex and love, which is why I need to know if … if that's something that you need from who you're with," Connor said. "If you need someone who is going to be able to say 'I love you' to you and someone who's going to be able to have sex with you, then I can and can't be that person. I can't ever be the person who is going to mean it. But I've been the person who can fake it. Who can say it. Who can go through the motions, and you know that. And I – I – I, um, I don't want to be that person again. And I don't think you want me to be, either. I don't think you'd ever ask me. And I don't know what I would say if you did ask. Because I like how we are. I don't want to change it. But I, um, am pretty sure that, eventually, you're going to want more than what I can give you. I j-j-just worry about how that's going to happen."

"Wow," Jude managed. He hadn't expected the small speech and he hung his head. Connor was going to be honest with him, and that was what he expected from Jude, too. Jude couldn't hide anything from him.

"Too much?"

"Maybe," Jude said. "Connor, the things I want, I want with you. I'm not going to ask you to do anything you don't want to do or anything that you're uncomfortable with. You're right, that's absolutely not me and that's not what I want from us. I like how we are too, but …"

The words hung heavy on the tip of his tongue and he reached out his hand. Connor grabbed tightly onto him.

"But, what?"

Jude locked eyes with Connor. "You know, baby, I love your eyes."

Connor half-smiled. "I know."

"And the rest of you," Jude added, feeling breathless. "All of you."

"Jude," Connor said, the grip on his hand going slack. "Jude, don't –"

"I'm in love with you," Jude finished.

Connor pulled his hand away, his expression built of utter devastation.

"T-t-take me home," Connor said, his breathing starting to quicken. "Please. Take me home!"

"Wait," Jude said, "there's more I want to say."

"Take me home! Please."

There were tears starting to form in Connor's eyes and Jude knew that he'd gone too far and that he had underestimated Connor's reaction.

"Okay, yeah, I'll take you home. I, um, there's some things I want to say on the drive," Jude said. "I would just like you to listen."

Connor nodded, but Jude wasn't even sure if he was listening to him now. Connor fled from the couch and packed up his things; Jude didn't think he'd ever seen him move so fast. Jude got off the couch much more slowly, gathering his keys and getting his shoes. Connor was ready and waiting for him near the door but, already, Jude could see that something had changed. Connor was actively staying out of his space now, something that hadn't been the case between them for such a long time.

"Ready?" Jude asked, reaching to see if Connor would let him take his hand. Connor flinched away from him and Jude felt his heart crumble in his chest. "I'm so sorry."

Connor didn't say a word and Jude hung his head. What had he done? The time hadn't been right. He should have been able to wait, shouldn't he have? It was what would have been better for both of them, Jude realized now, but he couldn't turn back the clock. He couldn't heal anything. He had made Connor flinch; Connor had been expecting violence, of some degree, from him. Jude didn't try and help Connor, instead giving Connor his space on the way to the car. When they were seated, Connor pressed himself against the door. Jude backed out onto the road, searching for the right words. It didn't take that long to get to Connor's dorm and Jude didn't want to waste the time he had to explain himself, because he knew that he wasn't going to ask Connor to stay in the car with him after they'd parked. Not when Connor was so uncomfortable now.

"I told you I loved you for the same reason I told you I liked you. I didn't want to hide it from you. I didn't want to lie to you about it. It's not a bad thing, Connor, it's a good thing."

"You can take it back," Connor whispered. "Please? Take it back."

"No. I can't do that," Jude said. "I'm not going to lie about it. I'm not going to hide it. I'm not going to pretend that I don't feel that way about you, because I do. I completely do. I'm in love –"

"Don't!" Connor screeched.

Jude glanced away from the road, catching sight of the tears on Connor's face before looking back at the road. "Baby, I didn't tell you I love you because I want to upset you or because I want things to change. I know things with your ex changed and I know how he used that –"

"You don't know anything about him," Connor interrupted flatly.

"Oh. I mean, I guess that's true but I just meant that what I want and expect from our relationship now isn't any different from what it was yesterday before I told you."

Campus was starting to come into view and Jude's heart kept sinking lower and lower in his chest.

"Told me," Connor repeated, his voice shaking. "But thinking it for longer."

"Yes."

"How long?"

Jude couldn't lie to him, even though he knew Connor was going to hate the truth. "Since my birthday."

Jude looked to Connor's face again; Connor looked crumpled and small. Jude gripped the steering wheel tightly, reminding himself to breathe. He waited for Connor to say something and the silence weighed down on him. Connor wasn't going to say anything and Jude bit his tongue. He wanted to say something, but he didn't want to start repeating himself.

"We can still be us," Jude said, slowing down as he approached the nano parking lot.

"It's all different now," Connor whispered.

"Does it have to be?"

"Yes."

Jude finally stopped in a parking spot, knowing that he couldn't delay any longer. "I don't think you're right."

Connor shrugged. He reached down and pulled his backpack onto his lap, holding it in front of his chest like a shield.

"Can I talk to you tomorrow?" Jude asked.

"Um, yeah. Okay."

"I'll call you," Jude said.

"Okay."

Connor wouldn't look at him.

"You can call me any time," Jude said, even though he was fairly confident that he wouldn't be hearing from Connor at all.

"Thanks."

"I'll let you go now," Jude said. "Have a good day, Connor."

"Y-y-you too, Jude."

Then Connor was gone and Jude was left to drive home alone.

(-.-)

"I love you."

"Don't you know how important you are to me?"

"Everything I do is to keep you safe. Don't you know how I feel about you?"

"This is how you make me feel, Connor. This all comes from you."

"You are what matters me to me in this world."

"No one will ever feel about you the way that I feel about you."

"You will never have what we have again."

But it had all started with I love you. Connor had never been hit, had never been manipulated, had never been raped before hearing I love you from a man. A man who he knew, in hindsight, had come to that conclusion too quickly. Like Jude had, less than a month after they had officially started dating. Connor had never thought that the relationship he had with Jude would be comparable to the one that he had with his ex, but here they were.

Here he was, trapped and afraid again, and not knowing how to move. Connor buried his head in his hands and sat in the middle of his dorm room floor.

He didn't know what else to do but cry.

The chapter's title is after the song Please Don't Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~