Chapter 22: Feels Right

The clock read two in the morning. I should have been asleep, but I wasn't. Bella was lying next to me —sound asleep — and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She had stayed over every night this past week, and I swear to god, we hadn't fucked every night, either. It was . . . weird, but a good weird, I guess.

Apparently, I liked to cuddle. Fucking cuddle. I liked holding her in my arms as she fell asleep. She was warm against me. The quiet sounds of her breathing were comforting, for some reason. It was all just . . . so fucking strange. I kept wondering who the hell I was when I thought these things.

"Why do I have this weird feeling that you're watching me?" Bella mumbled, opening her eyes.

I grinned sheepishly. "Because I am."

She buried her head deeper into my chest as her arm held me closer. "Can't sleep?"

I shrugged. "Just one of those nights, I guess."

My thumb softly caressed her back as she sighed. "It's not me, is it? I can go, if you want me to."

"No, I don't want you to. My mind is just working overtime or something. I can't believe Little One's tooth cut through today."

"She's growing up, but that's good. The quicker they come in, the less time she'll be in pain. Hopefully, the others will come in pretty soon."

"God, I hope so," I laughed. "I can't take much more screaming. She's been oddly silent tonight, you know? I should go . . . check on her."

She lifted her head and smiled. "Okay, hurry back."

I kissed her softly before she moved off of me, so I could get up. I left my room and walked the short distance across the hall. I pushed Little One's door open and tried to stay as silent as I could as I made my way across the room to her crib. With the dim moonlight shining in, I noticed her eyes were open, just moving around before landing on me. Her lips curled into a smile and she kicked her feet, bringing one up to her chest.

I reached down, picking her up. "It's like my damn Spidey senses were tingling," I chuckled, bringing her over to the changing table. I laid her down and undid the onesie and diaper, finding it wet. "So that's why you were up, huh?"

She babbled her usual nonsense as I changed her. It was like she was having a conversation with herself and her faces went along with it. Fucking cute. She lifted her feet, pulling them up to her chest again. I took her little foot in my hand, kissing her toes.

"So, rocking chair until you fall asleep?" I asked.

"Da ba," she babbled as I picked her up.

I smiled, sitting down with her. "You don't know how much I want to interpret that 'da' as 'daddy'. You should do it again, so I can pretend. Say, Da."

She just looked at me as I rocked. She smiled and reached for my face, pressing her hand to my jaw.

I sighed. "Fine, no more 'da'. So, even though I doubt you care, I'm up right now because I'm . . . I just have a lot on my mind. You're going to have to listen to me, okay? Help me make sense of this."

I held her a little higher on my chest, patting her bottom with my hand as we rocked. She seemed content, ready to listen — as ridiculous as that sounded. Who the hell needed a shrink when you had a kid to talk to?

"Anyway, we've been over the fact that I love Bella, but I'm new to this relationship thing. I'm sure you've noticed how much more she's here. I like that, but it just feels weird that I like it. What the hell do I know, though? I mean, I'm certainly not going to fu—mess this up again. I'm just trying to understand. She's here all the time, and I want her here all the time. Saying it out loud makes it seem simple, right?"

I imagined her nodding, even though she didn't do a damn thing.

"I'm glad we agree," I laughed. "So where do I go from here? I feel like I'm stalled. I tell her I love her because I do, and I show her — which you don't need to know anything about. What's next? I know her pretty well, though there are some things I'm still curious about. I guess we just keep getting to know each other. That seems logical. Maybe . . . maybe I need some Daddy-Bella alone time. It's not that I don't love you, because I do, but Grandma has been asking to keep you again. Would you be cool with that?"

She yawned, blinking slowly.

"I'm taking that as a yes, just so you know. Okay, so I'll take her out. Maybe I could surprise her. She'd like that. Woman like that kind of stuff, I think."

"Women do," Bella said, standing in the door way, holding the baby monitor. She smiled, walking in.

"So my plan is already ruined before I even started planning," I chuckled.

"It's okay. I like dinner, but I can do without a surprise dinner."

"I can't believe I forgot about that damn monitor."

She laughed softly, leaning down and kissing Little One's head. "You know, when you talk to her . . . I can't explain how it makes me feel. It's just so sweet."

"She's like my own personal shrink that can't talk back. Well, not in actual words, at least."

"Oh, I know. We talk about you all the time when I keep her during the day."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Huh, so you have my kid keeping secrets from me. That's nice."

She rolled her eyes, smirking as she came around and sat on the arm of the chair, running her hand over Little One's head — who, by the way, was basically passed out once again. "Well, she keeps my secrets, and I keep hers."

"Oh, really? Has she been talking shit?" I laughed under my breath.

"You should hear her babble. It's clearly anger directed at you."

"Do you have complaints, Little One? Tired of me trying to shove peas down your throat?" I whispered.

"She especially hates carrots," Bella said.

"I knew that. They wind up on me."

"So . . . what's this I hear about you wanting to know more about me?"

"You heard everything, didn't you?"

She nibbled on her lip, avoiding eye contact. "I tried to turn it off, but then . . . I got nosy."

I smirked. "I'll have to be careful with that monitor for now on. Your birthday is coming up. Wouldn't want you to overhear Sofia and me planning."

"Shh, we're not discussing that. If we do, I have to acknowledge the fact I go back to work soon, and I don't want to. I'll miss my days when you let me keep Sofia."

"Okay, I'll shut up. And . . . I think it's time to put her back down. Do you want to?"

She smiled, nodding. "I'd love to."

I lifted Little One, kissing her forehead softly. "Sleep well, baby girl. I love you."

I gently passed her to Bella, who walked her over to the crib as I stood. She kissed my daughter's forehead, telling her that she loved her. I fucking loved hearing that. She loved my kid. She treated her like . . . like her own. I couldn't have asked for more from her.

"Night, sweet girl," she said, laying her down. I moved the stuffed animal closer to Little One before we walked out.

. . . . .

"My coffee is gone," I told Jasper, leaning on the counter in front of him. "And I want the good shit now."

He typed on the keyboard, lifting his eyes to meet mine. "I'm not your errand boy. Get your own damn coffee."

"Fuck you. What's up with the mood?"

He shook his head, leaning back. "Just a lot on my mind." He checked his watch. "I can take my lunch. Mind getting coffee and coming with me somewhere?"

I shrugged. "Sure. I have an hour to fuck around."

"Thanks, I need . . . your opinion on something," he said, standing and coming around the counter.

"We're going to a jewelry store, aren't we?" I asked, sighing.

"Yes, we are. I'll buy you coffee for your time," he laughed.

"Good, I deserve it."

Once we were both signed out, we took his truck to Starbucks. Besides the coffee, I made him buy me a chicken sandwich, too. He was going to make me look at rings. I earned the fucking sandwich.

"Hurry up," he said, glaring as I took my sweet ass time, eating the sandwich slowly.

"Good sandwich," I mumbled, crumbling the paper up. "Thanks. So, I'm looking at engagement rings, right?"

He nodded. "I just . . . need a second opinion. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing here."

"You need Bella, not me."

He shrugged. "Could you just tell me what you think? If you're no help, like I think you'll be, I'll ask her."

"Sure. Besides, it gets me out of the hospital."

I wasn't quite sure what to expect when we walked in the store. Jasper led me straight to the rings and a saleswoman asked us if we needed help. He picked a few out to her, and she set them on the counter for him. They were . . . nice, I guess. You know, engagement rings.

"I think she'd like a solitaire best," he said, handing it to me.

I nodded. "Cool."

"What do you think? Is it nice?"

"Um . . . I guess? It's kind of small, though."

I passed it back, and he looked at it. "It's, uh . . . what I can afford. And it's actually pushing that."

"Dude, do you need a loan?"

"No!" he said quickly. "That's not why I asked you here."

"I know, but do you? I mean, is there a bigger one you like more? I can help you, you know."

He shook his head, placing it back on the counter. "I don't need help. I like this one."

"How much do you need?"

To me, it was clear he didn't really like that one. No offense, but it was small and just . . . not good, I guess. I didn't mind helping him. Hell, after all he had done for me over the years, a little money was nothing. Jasper was, honestly, the best friend a guy could ask for. He had listened to me bitch and moan for the past twenty-something years. He was there for me when I found out I didn't get that fellowship. Fuck, he flew out to New York and we spent the weekend getting wasted. He was always there. Like, when we were kids. He kept me from doing stupid shit that Emmett wanted us to do. If loaning him money what was he needed now, I'd give it to him. No questions asked.

"Why are you offering, man?" he asked. "I know you didn't really agree with this."

"I'm not even close to being ready for this shit, but . . . I get it. I get being in love, I guess. I get wanting to make the person you love happy. Hell, I'm trying to figure out how to do that for Bella. If you need money, you don't have to ask. I'm not being sappy, but . . . you're my best friend. You've helped me. Let me help you."

"Jesus Christ," he laughed dryly. "Having a kid has turned you into someone I don't recognize."

"I think I might be growing up." I smirked. "I know, it's fucking shocking."

He nodded. "It's weird."

"Just tell me how much you need. Don't turn into a chick on me."

"I'll pay you back."

"I expect coffee every morning. The good shit, too."

He laughed. "I think I can handle that."

"Good, now let's get the hell out of here."

"Thank you, Edward. Really."

"I said don't turn into a chick."

. . . . .

Once we got back to the hospital, my day went pretty smoothly. But around six, I got a call from Emmett, telling me he had food poisoning — honestly, not a big surprise — so he needed me to cover his shift. I hadn't worked a double since I got Little One, so this pretty much sucked. Sure, Bella had kept her overnight before when I was on-call, but that was planned, for the most part. I didn't want her to feel obligated, but when I called and asked if she'd keep Sofia tonight, she didn't hesitate. She only asked when to come by and get my apartment key.

"Are you sure, Bella?" I asked once more as I handed her my key.

"Yes, Edward," she said again. "We'll be fine. I'll take care of her tonight."

"I mean, you've had her all day," I said. "If you're tired, I can call my mom."

She just rolled her eyes and smiled, bouncing Little One on her hip. "We'll be fine, won't we, sweet girl?"

I held my arms out for my daughter, and Bella passed her along. Instead of focusing on me, her attention went straight to the stethoscope hanging around my neck. She took the bell in her hands, putting it up to her mouth.

"No," I said, pulling it away. "You can't eat that."

Bella laughed, fixing the piece back around my neck. "Are you tired?" she asked as Little One went for the pen in my lab coat breast pocket. Again, I pushed her hands away. She was getting so damn grabby.

"I'm okay right now," I said, kissing Sofia's cheek. "I'll try to get some sleep in the on-call room later."

"Okay, so you're all right with me staying at your place tonight?"

I nodded, leaning down and kissing her softly. "Yes, Nibbles, it's fine."

She blushed lightly. "I didn't even bite my lip that time."

I chuckled. "So? You're Nibbles. My Nibbles."

That made her do it. I grinned triumphantly and kissed Little One's cheek once more. She was still trying to grab my stuff, even though I held her hands together.

"I love you, baby girl," I said, blowing a raspberry on her cheek, making her giggle and bounce in my arms. "Be good for Bella, okay? I'll see you in the morning."

I passed her back to Bella as she continued to grab for my stethoscope. She certainly didn't understand no very well, even though I had been saying it more and more.

"Let's give Daddy a kiss," Bella said, putting Little One's hand to her mouth and touching my lips with it. Bella and I smiled as she continued to giggle. "Say, love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Little One."

Bella had been referring to me as 'Daddy' a lot when talking to Little One. I fucking loved it. The more she heard it, the better the chance she would say it. I had seriously been cutting down on the curse words around her, hoping fuck wouldn't come out first.

"You'll be home a little after seven, right?" Bella asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll get home as soon as I can. I'll see you tomorrow."

I moved my arm around her waist, pulling her close — squishing Sofia between us. Our lips and tongues moved together for a few moments before we parted.

"Love you," Bella said, smiling.

"I love you, too. Call me if there are any issues."

She nodded. "Of course. We'll call you later, if that's okay?"

"Yeah, let me know how she goes down. Thanks a lot, Bella. You really are amazing."

I kissed her once more — and Little One too — before they left. As I turned around to head back upstairs, I found Dad, standing with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk very apparent on his face.

"What?" I asked, walking past him. He followed beside me.

"Oh, nothing. I'm sure your mom will find this picture interesting, though." He held his phone up to me, showing me a picture taken just moments ago when I kissed Bella goodbye.

"I consider that an invasion of privacy," I said, hitting the elevator button.

"See, I find it . . . heartwarming," he chuckled, stepping in with me. "Your mother, though, will find it downright adorable."

"I find it strange you've taken a picture of me with my girlfriend."

"Well, I still find the whole thing strange. Good, but strange for you. I'm glad the two of you have worked things out. I'm happy for you, son." He patted me on the shoulder.

"Thanks. I'm . . . really happy, actually."

"That's good. So, I'm actually getting ready to head out, but I wanted to catch you first."

"What's up?"

"Your mother wants to do a family dinner. We need to pick a day you and Emmett both have the evening off. Will you come?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Why the dinner? Getting married again?" I laughed.

We stepped off the elevator on the surgical floor. "No reason, really. We just want to get the whole family together. And Mom hopes that'll include Bella."

"I'll ask her, but that's fine. I'm sure she'll say yes."

He smiled as we stood outside of his office door. "Thank you, Edward. She'll be thrilled."

We parted ways, and I headed to check on my latest patient with an odd feeling in my gut. Something was going on that he didn't tell me about. Something the whole family needed to find out at once. Sure, Mom liked family dinners, so I could have been wrong, but I had a feeling I wasn't. Either way, I'd find out during the dinner. If something were really wrong, he'd tell me, right?

"How are you feeling, Cassie?" I asked my nine year old patient, who was recovering from an appendectomy as I flipped through her chart.

She shook her head, closing her eyes tightly and frowning. Shit, I knew that look. Tears quickly followed and soon she was full out sobbing. Fuck. I hit the nurse's button, so she could deal with this.

"You're all right," I said as her hand reached out and grabbed mine. "It's just from the anesthesia. You're confused."

I tried to pull my hand away, but she kept hold, still fucking crying. Of course a nurse hadn't come in yet. Damn it. "You're all right," I said again, lifting my other hand and patting her shoulder awkwardly. I really wasn't good at comforting kids. Well, besides Little One, I guess. I tried to think what I'd do if this were her. "Do you, uh, need anything?"

"Mommy," she cried. "I want Mommy."

Yeah, I wanted her mommy, too. I hit the nurse's button again. Why the fuck hadn't someone responded yet? "I'll get her."

She cried harder as her other hand clutched her abdomen. "Hurts."

"You had surgery and the sobbing isn't helping the pain. You need to calm down."

"What's wrong, Dr. Cullen?" a nurse said, finally coming in the room.

Thank God. "Get her mom."

"She had to run home."

I narrowed my eyes, lifting my hand, which the girl was holding onto for dear life. "I don't care. Go call her or something."

She hurried away, leaving me with the still sobbing child. I patted her shoulder again. "Shh," I said. "Your mom is coming. May I look at your stomach?"

She reluctantly let go of my hand, nodding and sniffling. "Yeah."

I did what I came in here to do, making sure everything still looked normal. I marked it in her chart before looking back up at her. "You're doing fine," I said. "Everything looks good, and so does your lab work. I'll check on you tomorrow."

"Wait." She grabbed my hand again. "Don't leave me?"

I sighed, peeking out the door to see if her mom was anywhere in sight. Not yet, of course. "I'll stay until your mom comes."

I pulled the chair behind me closer and sat down, keeping her hand in mine. "You're nine, right?" I knew she was — the chart said so — but what else would I talk to her about?

"Uh-huh," she said. "Almost ten."

"That's . . . neat. When?"

"In two weeks."

"Well, happy almost birthday."

"I can still have a party, right?"

"Um . . . sure."

Right now probably wasn't a good time to mention she'd need a few weeks to recover before strenuous exercise. She had stopped crying, after all. I didn't want her to start again.

She smiled a little. "So, what are you getting?" I asked.

"I dunno. I asked for a lot, but Mommy said she'd pick. I really want a puppy."

I laughed. "Well, I hope you get one."

"Me too." She yawned, and I pulled the blankets over her shoulders again.

"You should get some rest. It'll be good for your recovery."

"You won't leave, right?"

I smiled, getting comfortable. "I'll stay until your mom gets back."

And I did, even though I had shit to do. I felt . . . bad for her. Thankfully, she quickly dozed off again and her mom was back ten minutes after. The woman hugged me — like she had done earlier when I told her Cassie came through surgery well — and thanked me over and over for staying when I didn't have to.

Other than the awkwardness of trying to comfort a child, my evening went smoothly. Around eleven Bella called and I said goodnight to Little One — who Bella said kept looking at the phone strangely — and then we talked. I asked her about dinner, and she had no issues with going. She said she'd love to go, and we talked about how it made her happy that my family accepted her. Of course they'd accepted her. I was pretty sure my mom liked her more than me.

After a few ER consults — which didn't require surgery — and making sure all the post-op patients were all right, I headed up to the on-call room to try and get some sleep. But the second I closed my eyes, my pager went off, alerting me to a trauma. I was in the OR the rest of the night, leaving me exhausted when I was done. It was just before seven when I started to leave, since another surgeon was already on duty.

"Hey, Dr. Cullen," Cupcake Nurse said, grinning as she stopped me in the hallway. Fuck, I just wanted to leave. I also realized I had forgotten her name again.

"Hey . . . I'm leaving."

"Oh, well, how's your daughter?"

"Good."

She smiled, biting her lip. My dick didn't even twitch. When Bella did that, it did. "So, have things settled down?"

She was going to ask me out again, wasn't she? Why the fuck hadn't I told her about Bella last time? It'd save me from this awkward conversation. "Look, I'm in a relationship."

That wiped the smile off of her face. "You are? You didn't . . . mention that last time."

"Yeah, I don't know why I didn't, but I am. And it's serious, so . . ."

"I'll leave you alone."

"I'm not trying to be an ass." I didn't know why I felt the need to say that, but I didn't want to . . . you know, hurt her. "It's just, I love her and I don't want to lead you on."

She nodded. "Yeah. I gotta go."

She turned away quickly, leaving me to finally get the hell out of this place. Thank-fucking-god. I rushed out to my car, completely exhausted.

When I got home, I checked on Little One — who was still asleep — and then walked across the hall to my room, finding Bella in my bed. I kicked my shoes off and climbed in next to her, wrapping my arms around her.

"Mmm," she mumbled. "Good morning."

She turned in my arms, and I kissed her softly. "Did you sleep well?" I asked.

"Yep. How was your night?"

"Exhausting. Was Little One okay?"

She nodded. "Not a peep, so I'm sure she'll be up soon." She moved her hand under my scrub top and around my back, holding me close. "You didn't change."

"I just wanted to get home. I've been in the OR since two with a major trauma."

"Will they be okay?" she asked with her brow furrowed in concern.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I hope so, but . . . I just don't know yet. Time will tell."

"Are you okay?"

I brought my hand up, caressing her cheek. I kissed her again, letting our lips stay together as long as I could. "I'm fine, Nibbles," I said, eliciting a shy smile from her. "Just tired."

Of course, that was when Little One started crying. I sighed, starting to sit up before Bella stopped me. "I'll get her," she said. "You sleep."

"You're a fucking angel, Bella."

She laughed softly, getting out of bed. "I think that's exhaustion talking."

. . . .

When I woke up a few hours later, Bella wasn't in my arms, but a certain little one was. She was sound asleep, curled into my side. It must have been nap time, and Bella put her in my bed with me. Couldn't say I minded it. I turned on my side, careful not to wake her. There was a pillow on her other side, so she wouldn't roll off the bed.

"Hi," I whispered, moving her hair off her forehead and kissing it softly. "I'm going to get up, but you just keep sleeping. Don't let me bother you," I chuckled.

I moved off the bed slowly and put another pillow on her other side after rolling her onto her back. She didn't wake. Hell, she didn't make a sound. Kid was out cold. I wondered what Bella had done with her to make her so tired. And I wondered if she could teach me.

I left my room, leaving the door wide open to hear Little One, since I didn't have the monitor. I found Bella on the floor in the living room with papers around her. She was writing something in a notebook.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sitting down on the couch behind her.

"Planning. School starts back up soon," she sighed.

"I'm sorry."

She turned her head, smiling. "Don't be. I love my job, but I'll miss my time with Sofia. Anyway, I'm kind of done for now."

"How long ago did you put Sofia down?"

"About an hour ago. Was that okay?" she asked, putting her stuff away in her bag.

I nodded, smiling. "It was fine. I liked it, actually."

She got off the floor, sitting down on the couch next to me. I put my arm around her, lowering my head to kiss her. She moved closer, throwing her leg over me and settling down on my lap.

"I take it you slept well?" she asked once we parted.

"Very. Thank you for taking care of her, Bella. You know how much I appreciate and love you, right?"

She blushed, smiling. "I do. And I love you, too."

I kissed her again. "And you know how beautiful you are, right?"

"You want me to bite my lip." She smirked.

I laughed softly, moving my lips to her neck, kissing her, sucking. "You know, I bet Little One will be down for a little while longer," I said, pulling back.

"She's in your bed, Edward."

I shrugged. "I don't care."

I moved my hand under her shirt, tracing up her back. She shivered, throwing her head back as I moved my lips back to her neck, relishing the feeling of having her in my arms, close to me. Who would have thought loving one woman and being content with her in my arms was where I would be today?

It just . . . felt right.